Fireworks explode from the ramp as the burden of being wonderful by Steel Panther blasts out of the speakers, the lights go wild with color and Marco leaps onto the stage dancing in time with the music he points and smiles at the crowd before walking down the ramp clapping hands with the fans on the way down to the ring where the set for the Love pad is all set up with the leather armchairs, the large lava lamps and the table with the brandy and glasses on the table... Leaping into the ring Marco walks over to the announcer and takes the microphone off him as the music dies out and the spotlights shine on the ring...
Marco Valintine: Hello gentlemen and laadies welcome to the second edition of the loove pad with me The messiah of manliness, The doctor of definition, The sultan of sexual, The human temple of perfection, The emperor of epicness, The Senator of Sexiness, The Incarnation of Incredible, The ambassador of awesome, The titan of titillation, the embodiment of exceptional, the host with the most and The Quintessential Ladies Man Marco...
He takes a breath closing his eyes a moment as the fans wait in silence for what he has to say...
Marco Valintine: Sitting on my beautiful ass I drift into a daydream, Thinking 'bout the hot chick in the front row fully smothered From head to toe in chocolate cream. I get this thought every day and night And wonder when it would stop. But I can't help thinking what it'll be like If there was a cherry placed on top! Valintine...
The fans go nuts chanting his name for a moment as he poses and soaks in the cheers of the fans...
Marco Valintine: NOW EVERYONE ARE YOU READY!!! I have got another sensational guest to come out tonight you all know him very well this is very exciting for me folks because we have the top of our game as you know it and that is THE WORLD CHAMPION ICE...BECKMAN!!!
The arena is quiet with the lights all on when over the PA system you hear a man ask, "Are you Drunk yet?" as the crowd responds with a cheer "Feels Good Inc." by The Gorillaz hits the speakers. The lights begin to flash blue and white as two cannon shot of fake snow shoot out from the entrance area. Out from the snow comes Natural ICE Beckman holding a beer in one hand and the World title in the other. He chugs the last half of the beer, then crushes the beer in his hand before tossing it into the crowd. ICE pauses as he climbs the last step into the ring, holding the World title high into the air, before he climbs into the ring. ICE finds himself a comfortable spot as he flashes his trademark over towards Marco to let him know he is ready for the show to start.
Marco Valintine: Ice dude hella awesome to have you on the love pad please take a seat and help yourself to brandy if you wish...
ICE Beckman: A drink to start this shit out, now we are talking.
Marco Valintine: Now dude I have to say you have really turned some heads in the time you are here and topping it all off with not just being superstar of the year but the world title that has to be hella sweet for you dude how do you feel right now?
ICE Beckman: I feel like I am on top of the mountain, I feel like the world of WCF is talking about me, I feel like I have the best title, girl and stable. Fuck, I feel awesome....plus this brandy is helping fir sure.
Marco Valintine: So where did the Ice name come from dude is there a story behind that?
ICE Beckman: I had a very not creative foster dad, he spent more time figuring out which TV to watch that night then he did what to name me, hence the name Natural ICE was born. Maybe not the best name for a kid in elementary school, but it seems to be doing a pretty good job for me now-a-days.
Marco Valintine: That's awesome dude, its strange where inspiration can hit ya from... Now dude getting to more personal things whats the deal with you and that Chelsea chick dude? I mean ive banged a fair few milfs in my time but dude i gotta ask are you guys proper or is this a temporary thing dude?
ICE Beckman: That is a question that will not be answered tonight, but I can give you this for now...what was once a fling is becoming much more with each and every passing day.
Marco Valintine: Ok dude, now recently you and zmac have been tagging a lot, now you and him have been stating your case for getting a shot at the titles do you wanna explain more here why you think you deserve it?
ICE Beckman: Three wins and Zero losses...and that includes some of the best Seth has in waiting to run up against us, Hot Dog bitches or Armageddon let-downs, no matter which team he likes to promote, in truth and without maybe even knowing it, Seth has built us at the true number one contenders. The Kings are ready to be crowned as Champs again, and it just a matter of time before our victories become a mountain that no one, not even Seth, can ignore anymore.
Marco Valintine: You have got a point dude but have you faced the current tag champs yet?
ICE Beckman: I have beaten Bobby straight up in the middle of the WCF ring, and I have been ready to put Kaz in his place as well, and ZMAC, well fuck ZMAC kills and destroys who he wants, when he wants, and Bobby will know that after Payback.
Marco Valintine: Fair enough dude, im sure that is a battle that everyone would tune in for... Now then onto other things you and your Father Buddy Roman have been doing a lot of getting over the hate stuff I think ya call it... Now dude I'm all about getting rid of hate dude its got no place in your heart, ya have ta be able to let it go or else its gonna affect your mojo which affects your wrestling dude... This is nothing but a good thing so how are you going about to do this?
ICE Beckman: HATE is the key to victory, all the other shit is just pillows, easy to put down...for truly conquering the hate is how you win in the ring.
Marco Valintine: So now to the big questions you have a hella epic challenge ahead of you against Steel toe Joe how are you feeling about this here at payback mere hours before you face him?
ICE Beckman: Confidence is an under statement for how I am feeling, while I know he is foaming at the mouth to beat me, I know one thing is true, I am better, I have been better and I will remain better...his wishes are nothing but unanswered prayers, something he has experienced many times before.
Marco Valintine: Its going to be a hella awesome match man I can tell that, you guys are gonna tear down the place I know it, now i got to ask how high a risk would you really say Joe is compared to others you have faced in the past?
ICE Beckman: Joe wants this title bad, he wants it more then he wants a ticket to heaven, I can see that in his eyes. But in the end of the day, I am going to be too much, too tough, for him to truly defeat. We might bring the house down, but once the battle is over I will be the champion standing upon the ruble.
Marco Valintine: Cool dude hella cool... Now then we aint got much time left is there anything you wanna say before we finish this?
ICE Beckman: The ICE AGE is reigning strong, not only am I still a rookie, less than a year old is my WCF career, but I ask you...I ask this entire crowd...am I not the best...THE BEST...who has ever graced this title....this ring...This FEDERATION!!!
Marco Valintine: Awesome dude thanks for being here man and good luck for tonight...
ICE smiles at Marco, gives him a quick and meaningless handshake, before raising the WCF World title high into the air for the entire sea of people within the arena to see, honor and adore before he brings it back down to his side.
Kyle Steel: The following is a Battle Royal match! The only way to eliminate your opponent is to put them over the top rope so both feet are touching the floor. The winner is the last man or woman still standing in the ring.
The arena lights dim as the crowd buzz begins to build to fever pitch. Mile Zero by Periphery begins to play through the the arena.
Zach Davis: Oh fuck fuck sake.
Gravedigger: YEAH MOTHERFUCKER, fuck the Battle Royal.
Appearing from the curtain strolls Joey Flash, perfectly attired in his white suit with matching top hat. He saunters down the ramp dodging cans, bottles and popcorn. He waltzes round toward where Steel is stood and whips the mic from his hand.
Joey Flash: Mic check one two, okay. Hello, welcome to my show.
Joey Flash: I know, supply and demand right? I know marketing guys, I’m not going to take up your time all night don’t worry. I’m here to save the people who are getting this match as a taster before ordering the PPV, I better get a fucking bonus for this. Digger, ya got company motherfucker, lets get it poppin. Oh, Ultimate Destroyer, you a faggot, bye bye.
Joey passes the mic back to Eric and shoves Zach Davis from his chair, plucking the headset from him.
Joey Flash: Sorry Zach, sit this one out. Hi guys.
Freddy Whoa: Can we get you anything Joey? A dry martini perhaps? A cushion?
Gravedigger: Show the man some respect. He’s our undefeated television champion.
Joey Flash: Thank you, and I’ll take a whiskey straight if you’re offering. I could be in a wheelchair and still thrash Ultimate Destroyer, so I don’t think we’re breaking any rules.
Rostro comes out to a classical Spanish beat on the guitar he high fives the crowd
Kyle Steel: Introducing first; from Mexico City…weighing in at 195lbs…Sin Rostro Jr!!
Freddy Whoa: Well here we go folks, what a way to kick off Payback. A nine man Battle Royal!!
Joey Flash: The man with all the swagger of a housefly, the talent of a housefly and the name of a fucking idiot. Mr Rostro, come on down!
Gravedigger: All the mediocrity out of the way early. Thank God.
Rostro entertains the crowd with a flip between the bottom and middle rope followed by a pose in the ring.
The lights in the arena turn slightly brown as “Tip The Scales” by Rise Against starts blasting from the arena speakers. The WCFTron starts displaying static, while the crowd murmurs excitedly, eager to see the debut of a new WCF wrestler. The lights start flickering before all of a sudden, their brightness level goes up to a million, illuminating the entire arena with a very vivid mahogany colour and temporarily stunning some of the fans in the stands, eliciting even more screams in the process.
At the exact same time when the vocals kick in, the stage effects burst into effect. A huge ‘W’ explodes from the stage in the form of pyrotechnics, much to the pleasure of the fans. The fireworks fade, but the imprint of the W stays in the air for several long seconds. Simultaneously, the WCFTron stops showing static, and instead starts displaying a montage of Warpath’s training in the gym as well as a few match highlights he had put up during his time at WCF’s development federation.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring, from Portland, Oregon, weighing in at 217 pounds… WARPATH!
Freddy Whoa: Warpath has gotta live up to his name here. Can he carve his own path through the eight other superstars?
Joey Flash: He’s carving his own path straight into the bargain bin entitled ‘Worthless Jobbers’. I think I found an ICE Beckman doll there last week.
A loud cheer goes out from the crowd as Warpath steps out from the back, dressed in his ring attire. He stops for a moment at the top of the ramp, before running down the ramp at top speed, bursting through the smoke imprint and sprinting down the ramp.
He slows down as he nears the steps, taking the opportunity to slap the hands of a few hands located near him. He pulls off his hoody and throws it to the crowd, who are already more than happy to grab this new superstar’s memorabilia. After continuing his crowd interactions for a few more seconds, Warpath rolls into the ring, before walking to the centre of the ring, more than ready to start the match. The lights then return to normal.
"Kick in the Teeth" by Papa Roach plays and the crowd goes bonkers with cheers as their lady storms out from behind the curtain. She is clad in her usual black and white themed attire, complete with heart stopping smile plastered across her face. The People's Princess belts out a lour she-wolf howl and it is returned to her by the cult like following that has formed. From here she begins her romp to the ring tagging hands and hugging fans.
Kyle Steel: And making her way to the ring; from Blair, Nebraska…weighing in at 145lbs…Wolverina!!
Freddy Whoa: Wolverina has surely got to be wary of her very light form here.
Joey Flash: I’d be more worried about how undeniably shit I was if I were her, but different strokes.
Gravedigger: Well when she lands on her feet outside the ring I will be the first to…console her.
Once near the ring she kisses a small boy on the cheek, causing him to blush and almost pass out. Wolverina hops onto the apron then slides into the battle square and emits one more loud she wolf howl to rile up the fans.
The lights in the arena go dark as Relax by Peaches begins to play throughout the arena. A metal chair with snakes sculpted around it begins to lift from the underneath of the stage surrounded by fire as Sin sits in it stretched out with her feet dangling off the arm of one side. The crowd pops giving a mixed reaction as she stands to her feet and passes through the fire and down the stage ramp. Fans stretch their arms in attempt for interaction, but she keeps walking paying them no attention.
Kyle Steel: Making her way to the ring; from St Louis, Missouri…weighing in at 125lbs…Sin!!
Freddy Whoa: A debutant here. Who knows what to expect?Another light competitor. The ladies have gotta make sure the guys don’t get their hands on them here!
Gravedigger: Mace…nope…teargas…nope. I might sign up for this.
Joey Flash: I think I’ve sinned in about twenty different ways just watching this shit.
As she gets to the ring she jumps on the edge of the apron and stands on the bottom rope bouncing up and down on it as pyrotechnics shoot out from the four posts of the ring. She slams down hard into a splits position and slides her body under the bottom rope and into the ring positioning herself on her hands and knees seductively crawling to the center of the ring
"Stabbing the Drama" by Soilwork hits the PA, the crushing guitar reverberating through the venue as the decorated middleweight Metal Dragon steps through the curtain. The Tennessee native takes a moment to pan his eyes over the cheering crowd, raising one arm with a clenched fist while soaking in the adoration.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring; from Nashville, Tennessee…weighing in at 225lbs…Metal Dragon!!
Freddy Whoa: Well Metal Dragon got his ankle absolutely caned last week by Joey Flash, I wonder if it will affect his chances here
Joey Flash: Nope it won’t affect his chances, but wanna know what will?
Gravedigger: Is it being a shit wrestler?
Joey Flash: You bring a smile to my face, what insight.
Walking to the ring, MD sticks his arms out to allow high-fives from some fans whilst not allowing his gaze to avert from his opponents’ eyes.
"Lifestyles of the rich and the famous" - 'Good Charlotte' hits the speakers as Justin walks towards the ring
Kyle Steel: And making his way to the ring; from Auckland, New Zealand…weighing in at 195lbs…Justin Courage!!
Freddy Whoa: The man from down under looking to pick up a cheeky win here today
Joey Flash: I’d ‘just encourage’ this guy to fuck off if I were Seth.
Gravedigger: He’s got a very punchable fucking face.
“ Mad Man” Hits the PA ssystem as smoke and sparks fill the entrance way. The Mad Man walks out onto the stage, punching and slapping himself in the head to psyche himself up. The crow chants “ Mad Man” as Kyle Steel introduces him.
Kyle Steel: From Cleveland, Ohio. Standing five foot ten inches tall, weighing in at one hundred and ninety pounds.. The Cleveland Mad Man!!
Freddy Whoa: Louis Bartkowski, making sure there is some…madness in this Battle Royal
Joey Flash: He’s also adding boredom and worthless airtime that I could elsewise be using. Oh wait, I am.
Gravedigger: God this match hasn’t even started yet has it? Yawn.
Traditional Middle Eastern music begins to play. A spotlight illuminates the stage. As a heavy drumbeat cuts into the music, four gorgeous women in camo shorts and halter tops step through the curtain, each carrying an orange-tipped plastic AK-47, and make a show of "securing" the immediate area. The lyrics begin, a rhythmic flow of rhymes unintelligible to anyone not fluent in Arabic. Jahani al-Reb emerges onto the stage, where he makes a brief show of loosening up neck and shoulders as the women close in to flank him.
Kyle Steel: And making his way to the ring; from Baghdad, Iraq…weighing in at 247lbs…Jahani al-Reb…The Baghdadi Mack!!
Freddy Whoa: This is going to be great.
Joey Flash: Now a fucking arab? Someone frisk this cunt.
Gravedigger: New Zealanders, Americans and now an Iraqi! World War 3 starts here people.
Without wasting a moment more, al-Reb makes his way down the ramp, pointedly ignoring the crowd. Two of his personal guard hop onto the apron and pull down the middle rope as Jahani climbs in. A third removes his satin robe and other accoutrements, while the fourth gives his shoulders a quick rubdown. The ladies exit while al-Reb leans across the ropes, his back to the ring, taunting a couple of fans at random.
"But the shadow still remains since your descent, your descent..." U2's "The Saints Are Coming" bursts over the loudspeakers and Steven Saint enters the stage with a flurry of white pyro above him.
Kyle Steel: And finally…from Perth, Scotland…weighing in at 220lbs…Steven Saint!!
Freddy Whoa: And now a Scot enters the fray! A debut match here for Steven Saint
Joey Flash: A scot? Isn’t he called Steven?
Gravedigger: He’s called ‘Bitch #50’ until he proves otherwise.
He eagerly makes his way to the ring, ready to wrestle as soon as he slips quickly between the ropes.
The 9 wrestlers stand tightly in the ring ready for the bell. The crowd all cheer for different people, creating a very confusing backdrop to the match.
They immediately run at each other and lock horns. Sin has Metal Dragon in a headlock, which turns into a DDT. Rostro trips over the downed Dragon and pulls Justin down with him. He mounts him and hits him with a few lefts and rights. Warpath locks horns with Jahani and swings him into the turnbuckle. Warpath runs at him but is flipped over the turnbuckle. He manages to land on the apron though and he grabs Jahani from behind in a sleeper hold. Steven Saint runs from the opposite turnbuckle and dropkicks Warpath in the face. He staggers backwards and very nearly falls backwards. A desperate reach for the top rope the only thing saving him from elimination.
Freddy Whoa: What a start! No early eliminations…just
Gravedigger: They should remove all the ropes so we can get this thing over and done with
Warpath re-enters the ring and double clotheslines Sin and Justin. Wolverina grabs Steven Saint and throws him against the ropes before planting him to the mat with a spinebuster. Jahani drives an elbow into the back of Wolverina’s head and hits her with an inverted atomic drop. She retaliates with a high kick to his face, followed by a Stunner! Jahani bounces off her shoulder and lays motionless on the mat. Metal Dragon and Sin Rostro exchange blows. Warpath drives a knee into Sin’s gut and lifts her high above his head with ease. He carries her over to the ropes but Wolverina prevents him from eliminating her by jumping on his back and falls back, using the momentum to drive the back of his head into the canvas. Sin falls back into the ring on top of Wolverina.
Freddy Whoa: Women sticking together here
Joey Flash: Feminism runs rife, as do stupid bitches.
Gravedigger: I’d fuck em.
Sin gets up and lifts Wolverina to her feet. They both stare with great malice at Warpath who also gets to his feet. They nod at each other and go for the double clothesline, however Sin instead grabs Wolverina and launches her over the top rope, eliminating her.
Kyle Steel: Wolverina has been eliminated…
Wolverina is absolutely incredulous and screams at Sin who just flips her the middle finger.
Gravedigger: What an ungrateful bitch….you go Sin!!
Warpath quickly makes his way to the middle of the ring and again lifts the distracted Sin into the air. Metal Dragon however uses Warpath’s vulnerability to his advantage and destroys him with the DragonFire spear. Sin falls but lands on her feet. Sin Rostro Junior and Justin are on the mat in a submission hold by Justin. Sin manages to do a backward roll out of it followed by a somersault which ends in his elbow being driven into Justin’s face. He holds his nose and gets up, Rostro throws him towards the ropes and runs just behind him . He jumps up and hurracanrana’s him over the top rope, he falls but manages to clutch onto the bottom rope with both his hands, his feet resting on the apron. Jahani and Steven Saint are exchanging words which results in Saint receiving a very sharp slap in the face, Saint turns his head back, his eyes wide with anger. He yells and plants Jahani to the mat with his finisher the “Old Inclination” Springboard Impaler DDT.
Freddy Whoa: Nerve well and truly touched there.
Saint dodges a clothesline by Justin who manages to drive his heel into Saint’s face as he goes past him to his left. Justin places his right foot/leg across Saint’s legs, hooks his right arm behind him and hooks his right arm so their bicep on their right arm is in his grip. Justin then plunges forward into a roll landing Saint on his back in pain.
Zach Davis: The Just-Encourage!! He needs to capitalise and get him over the top rope, no 3 count here!!
Joey Flash: I’m sorry is this match still happening?
Before he can do this though, Warpath leaps off the top rope and smashes Justin to the mat with his Homecoming shoulder facebuster, this also takes out Louis Bartkowski who was too close for comfort.
Gravedigger: Bodies everywhere! Finishers everywhere!!
Sin hits The taste of Sin superkick and then plants Warpath with her Seven Deadly Sins! Metal Dragon then hits his DragonFire spear on Sin. Every competitor in the ring is now down except Metal Dragon who is stood at the corner of the ring looking at the competitors like a fisherman with a bucket of fish. He turns around and laughs but is sent straight over the top rope by Steven Saint!
Kyle Steel: Metal Dragon has been eliminated!
Freddy Whoa: What an idiot Metal Dragon is, you DON’T turn your back in a match like this!
Joey Flash: Amateur cunt. What a great start to his career. Destroyed by me and then getting thrown over the rope by some random guy.
Gravedigger: Back to unemployment for you, you useless asshole
Saint picks up Justin Courage and with no effort or grace at all, simply tosses him over the top rope
Kyle Steel: Justin Courage has been eliminated!
Bartkowski gets up and lunges at Steven Saint who dodges and drives his knee straight to Louis’s gut as he moves past him. Saint quickly leaps onto the turnbuckle and panders to the crowd before flying off the turnbuckle with his From The Heavens 360 senton!! He gets up, lifts Louis onto his shoulders and flips him over the ropes to the outside.
Kyle Steel: Louis Bartkowski has been eliminated!
Freddy Whoa: Stunning by Steven Saint. Utter shite from Bartkowski. Who is he anyway?
Joey Flash: Ay carumba, Bart is gone. Daft fucker.
Gravedigger: Why did half of these guys even bother turning up? This is more like the audition room than the actual ring. What a waste of time.
Sin stirs and gets to her feet. She shakes the cobwebs but is hit in the back of the head by Rostro Junior. She swings around and slaps him across the face. He then goes to clothesline her over the top rope but she grabs his head as she flops over and pulls him down with her. He reaches for the ropes but fails, landing on both feet on the floor outside the ring.
Kyle Steel: Sin Rostro Jr has been eliminated!
Freddy Whoa: Well our high flyer has flown...high out of the ring
Joey Flash: Sin Rostro Sr will beat the shit out his retarded son hopefully for this shameful performance.
Gravedigger: Did you see him reach for the ropes but not quite make it? THAT was the most entertaining part of this match. Bahahaha
Jahani laughs and dodges a clothesline by Warpath. He hits him with a left and a right, but is then kicked in the groin. Warpath doubles over and Jahani lifts him above his head and tosses him out the ring.
Kyle Steel: Warpath has been eliminated!
Joey Flash: His warpath ends with a pathetic showing...oddly, just how it began.
Freddy Whoa: Wow Steven Saint with three eliminations in a row, and we’re down to three…
Joey Flash: Definitely quantity rather than quality. I’d have got rid of ALL of them in the time it took him to eliminate three
Gravedigger: Three what? Thank fuck its nearly over. Payback is so close to starting!
Jahani, Steven Saint and Sin are all on their feet in separate corners, preparing to fight the final leg of the battle royal. The crowd inexplicably begins chanting "DANIEL BRYAN" much to the participants' chagrin.
Zach Davis: Who's it gonna be?
Sin runs at Steven Saint. Saint drops down, pulling the rope down with him and causing Sin to fly overtop and to the outside!
Joey Flash: Bye bye, Sin! How many people with variations on that name has WCF had, Gravedigger?
Gravedigger: A lot.
Saint turns and gets a Dropkick from Jahani! Saint stumbles back and Jahani runs at him to Clotheslines him over the top.
Freddy Whoa: NO! Saint ducks it!
Saint ducks and executes a Back Bodydrop, causing Jahani to fly over the top.
Zach Davis: SAINT WINS!
NO! Jahani lands on the apron! Saint begins celebrating, yelling SAINT WINS!
Freddy Whoa: Turn around!
Saint does turn around and is met with a Springboard Missile Dropkick from al-Reb. Saint stumbles to his feet and al-Reb bitch slaps him.
Zach Davis: HAND OF FATIMA!
The force causes Saint to fly out of the ring!
Gravedigger: Jahani al-Reb wins!
The bell sounds as al-Reb gets his arm raised.
Freddy Whoa: Quite the battle royal, and we've got our winner.
Joey Flash: None of them are fit to challenge me, but yeah, it was okay.
al-Reb shouts to the crowd as we go to commercial.
Zach Davis: I've just got word that the Hotdog Kings have arrived.
The jumbotron in the arena cuts outside to the parking lot of the buildings front entrance. A hotdog shaped limo pulls up and comes to a stop at the curb. The driver gets out, opens the back door, and rolls out a red carpet. The Hotdog Kings step out onto the red carpet and Logan immediately gets in the cameras face.
Logan: Hey Biohazard, ooze THIS!
The Hotdog Kings hit a pelvic thrust at the same time before continuing into the building and out of the cameras frame.
Zach Davis: THE HOTDOG KINGS ARE HERE! THEY'RE HERE! OH MUAH GAWD! MUSTARD 3:16! MUSTARD 3:16 SAYS THE HOTDOG KINGS ARE HERE! PAYBACK JUST GOT PAID!
Freddy Whoa: ...
The lights go out, as the bells to "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC begins to sound. At the sound of the guitar, Jebediah Crowe leads the path with a lantern in his right hand, as Death is close behind him. The crowd gives a nice pop to "The Grim Reaper" and his manager as they slowly make their way to the ring.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring…standing 6’10” and weighing in at 310 lbs…DEEEAAATH!
Freddy Whoa: Here’s the first of 3 in this newcomer’s-bout
Zach Davis: He had an impressive victory over Justin Courage and Sin last week.
Gravedigger: I still say Sin was unlucky, but I kind of like this Death. He’s a big guy, fights with intensity.
Death walks up the steel steps, looking at the crowd, before he enters between the top and second rope. The lantern of Crowe slowly dies out, as the lights come back on in the building. Death takes his cloak and shoulder pads off, preparing himself for the match to begin.
"March of Death" by Jimmy Hart plays on the speakers as Thane jumps out from behind the curtains. Fire pyros fade in and out of the side ramp as Thane acknowledges the crowds screaming cheers and begins walking to the ring.
Kyle Steel: And his opponent…standing 5’10” and weighing in at 210 lbs…THAAAANE!
Freddy Whoa: Did I hear that right? This guy’s a whole foot shorter and a 100 lbs lighter than Death!
Zach Davis: If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that size really doesn’t…
Gravedigger: Shut up, Zach. This guy has no chance.
Without any hesitation, Thane slides into the ring and stands on the middle rope raising both arms in the air. He then points at his opponent and says "Bring it" as the bell rings.
The sound of an organ fills the arena as a theme resembling a lullaby plays. After a few seconds the high-toned voices of a choir ring out, singing in a foreign language. The crowd isn’t sure what to think, and despite the somewhat peaceful tune they look around in confusion. A man of small stature steps through the curtain and begins walking down the ramp.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring…standing 5’6” and weighing in at 170 lbs…BAMBAAANG SUUUTAAARNOOOOO
Freddy Whoa: Here comes our final Newcomer, Bambang Sutarno.
Zach Davis: Like Thane, he’s making his debut tonight. And also like Thane, he’s a smaller guy. But like I was saying, size isn’t the most…
Gravedigger: Shut up. Yeah, this guy’s even smaller than the last one. It’s like a Russian Matryoshka-fest here.
Zach and Freddy look at Gravedigger in confusion.
Gravedigger: What? Don’t give me that look. It’s those dolls where one fits into the other…Oh goddamnit I don’t owe any of you an explanation!
Freddy and Zach quickly turn away from the angered Gravedigger.
Freddy Whoa: And we’re underway.
Gravedigger: What’s that quiver to your voice, Freddie?
Freddy Whoa: Nothing, its n-nothing…
Thane and Bambang move in opposite directions as Death attempts to stalk both of them at once, his arms spread wide. Bambang is first to charge, but he’s easily caught by Death’s huge wingspan. Death lifts Bambang over his head with ease then slams him down to the mat. Meanwhile Thane considers charging the distracted big man, but reconsiders when Death shoots his head in Thane’s direction.
Freddy Whoa: Ooh, Death showing his power early with a devastating military press slam.
Gravedigger: Oh yeah, that’s my shit right there.
Despite the hard landing, Bambang is back on his feet. He jumps on Death’s back and attempts to get him in a headlock, but again Death’s strength prevails as he rips him off and throws him over the top rope, much to the delight of fans. With the referee's back to Bambang, Jebediah Crow lashes him with his whip several times. The referee turns his attention the Death's manager after he hears several cracks from outside the ring. Jebediah throws his hands up as if to imply he is innocent of any wrong-doing. When the referee turns back around, Jebediah whips Bambang once more before scurrying to the opposite side of the ring. Inside the ropes, Death stalks Thane slowly as Thane backpedals until he finds himself in the corner. When Death draws near, Thane throws a kick to the big man’s midsection, then another to the rib, and another. Death keels over with the surprising force of the blows. Thane goes for a boot to the face but Death catches it in time. A look of horror comes over Thane’s face as Death lifts him up by his leg and slams him down to the mat.
Zach Davis: Wow, this Death’s a real brute.
Gravedigger: You say it like it’s a bad thing.
Death goes for the pin.
Thane kicks out in time.
Thane clutches his back as Death starts to lift him from the ground. Before he can get him up to a standing position, though, Bambang is back in the ring, red lash-marks on his back. He kicks away at Death’s kidneys and the back of his legs. Death drops to a knee. Bambang seizes the opportunity and performs a DDT. The crowd applauds the smaller fighter for finally bringing Death to the mat. Outside the ring, Jebediah protests against the double-team to no avail. Thane and Bambang team up on the big man, kicking him as he shakes off the stars from the DDT. Thane then climbs to the top rope, leaping high into the air.
Freddy Whoa: Frog splash! This one might be ov….
The crowd lets out a huge “ooooooh” as Death rolls out of the way, causing Thane to belly-flop onto the mat. He writhes in pain as Death makes his way to his feet. All the while Bambang is kicking away. Death dives at Bambang and hits him with a mean clothesline that sends him flying across the ring.
Zach Davis: Only a matter of time before the big man took his revenge.
Gravedigger: Size doesn’t matter, huh Zach?
Zach Davis: Well, not all the…
Gravedigger: Shut up.
With both smaller men on the ground, Death stands in the middle of the ring and catches his breath. Jebediah Crow cheers him on from outside. The crowd isn’t sure whether to cheer or despise the hulking brute, and a mixture of cheers and boos follows. Bambang is first to his feet. He rushes over and kicks Death in the gut, causing him to keel over. Bambang grabs his head and attempts to raise him over his head for a brainbuster, but the attempt is feeble at best and Death easily counters with a knee to Bambang’s chest. Now it’s Bambang who keels over, and Death puts him in the pumphandle position before lifting him high in the air and slamming him down to the mat.
Freddy Whoa: Oof…not sure if Bambang is getting up after that one.
Death goes for the pin.
Freddy Whoa: No! Thane breaks up the would-be pin in the nick of time.
Death stands up and grabs hold of Thane, sending him into the ropes. When he comes back around, Death catches him and performs a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker. Thane clutches his back as he lays in the center of the ring. Death lifts him up and sets him up for a powerbomb.
Freddy Whoa: It looks like he’s setting up for the Execution.
Zach Davis: This one could be over, folks.
Gravedigger: Could be? It’s been over since the bell rang. Death’s got…
Just before Death can catch Thane in the crucifix position, Thane wraps his legs around his head and spins back down, throwing the big man from his feet.
Freddy Whoa: Oh my! Hurricanrana to counter the Execution.
Zach Davis: Wow, I did not see that coming.
Gravedigger: …Shut up.
With the big man down, Thane once more climbs to the top rope. At the same time, Bambang slides over the top of Death.
Freddy Whoa: Bambang’s going for the pin!
Death kicks out with ease. He sees Thane in mid-air and rolls to avoid the frogsplash just in time. Thane connects with Bambang’s back and the two men are down, each writhing in pain.
Freddy Whoa: Oh my, this could be all she wrote.
Gravedigger: Not so fast, Death’s not going for the pin.
Death lifts both men up and positions each of them for the powerbomb, one atop the other.
Zach Davis: Oh no…don’t tell me…
Gravedigger: Tell you what? That both men are about to experience the Execution? Well strap in, boys…here it comes!
Death flips the jumbled mass of humanity that is Thane and Bambang over his head, catching each one’s outspread arms in the crucifix position. With a loud grunt he raises them further before slamming them down to the mat, one on top of the other. Thane and Bambang are side by side and no movement comes from either. Death lays both arms across them.
Kyle Steel: Your winner…DEEEAAAATH!
Freddy Whoa: Wow. I’ve never…I’ve….I’m speechless.
Gravedigger: Thank god for that. Zach, what was that you were saying about size?
Zach Davis: Shut u….
Gravedigger shoots Zach a threatening glance before Zach recants his words.
Zach Davis: It matters.
Death’s theme plays as he steps out of the ring, victorious. Jebediah Crow waves his whip around in exhilaration as he and Death stride up the ramp and disappear behind the curtain.
Freddy Whoa: I'm being told we have an impromptu commercial?
Mysterious Voice: The Following has been brought to you by GoPro...
The tron comes to life and we see Johnny Reb walking the hallways of the American Airlines Center, supremely confident. Over one shoulder is the People's Title he will defend later this evening. He strides past the vending machine area, and hesitates, as if sensing something amiss. Eerily enough in the background, the entire stock of Hot Fries are missing from all the machines...
Gravedigger: What the fuck, this isn't a commercial?!?
He hesitates, as if sensing something amiss. Then, with a shrug and a negative shake of his head, Reb walks on. Turning, Johnny enters the men's room. As the door shuts, the camera view shifts to inside a toilet stall, as if we the viewers are the ones taking a crap.
As we hear footfalls approach the line of urinals, the camera 'stands' as the wearer opens the stall door and makes his way behind the People's Champion.
Freddy Whoa: This looks bad...
Gravedigger: Looks like business is picking up...
As Dark Johnny proceeds to empty his bladder a gloved hand reaches up to grab the People's Championship off his shoulder, and thanks to the camera we have a pov shot of what follows.
Johnny: Oh, I know your no...
Suddenly the title belt comes crashing down on his head before he can finish and turn around. As the People's Champion crashes against the wall, we hear his urine splash all over.
The person pounds on Reb with the belt, driving him to the floor. We hear the clatter of the title on tile as a pair of hands drag Johnny to his feet. As Dark Johnny starts to fight back, he's head is driven down hard into the lip of the urinal, causing it to shatter, sending piss and water flying.
Zach Davis: I think I saw 'Little Johnny'...
The attacker picks up the People's Championship and runs his gloved fingers over it's face. With a couple final kicks to the midsection, he drops the belt across Reb's piss soaked body. A devious laugh softly echos out as the camera on his chest is turned off and the feed goes to static...
The Blue Dawns "I've Seen The Signs" strikes up on the speakers. The audience instantly approves of the Hotdog Kings, as Logan, and Marc Mayhem walk out onto the stage. The pair confidently heads down the ramp,sliding underneath the bottom rope into the ring, and the music fades.
Zach Davis: Whoa business just picked here comes Logan and Marc Mayhem. The HOTDOG KINGS!
Freddy Whoa: I don’t Zack one win isn’t much to get excited about..
Gravedigger: Look Logan’s got my respect not sure what he sees in Marc Mayhem but as of right now it is working for them.
"I Like to Move It" by Reel 2 Reel plays over the sound system. Tyler Walker emerges from the back with white pyros at the entrance. He's wearing his black and gold letterman jacket with "TW" embroidered in the front, "TY WALKER" on the back. He's also wearing black shades, a white tank top and his black shorts with "TW" written around the belt line. Black boots and has his wrists taped. He slowly makes his way to the ring with a cocky smile on his face, bobbing his head to his music as he ignores the fans. When he hits the ring, he climbs on the apron, drops his jacket to ringside, and does a few body builder poses, as more white pyros blast off. He enters the ring through the ropes and removes his tank top and shades, throwing them to ringside before getting ready to fight.
Freddy Whoa: We haven’t seen these two in the ring since ONE. I hope these two friends Have been in the gym together.
Zach Davis: Im not just saying this because of my Little Wieners decoder ring but these two are gonna have a tough match tonight.
Breakdown by biohazard plays and biohazard comes out and walks to the ring as yellow and purple lights flash. Biohazard climbs in to the ring and starts warming up with Tyler in the corner waiting for the bell.
DING DING DING
Zach Davis: And here we go!
Crowd: We want hotdogs clap clap clap
Crowd: We want hotdogs clap clap clap
Biohazard starts meets Logan in the center of the ring while the other two men get in their respective corners. Logan and Biohazard get in a power tie up in the center of the ring. Logan whips biohazard to the ropes, on the rebound Logan goes for a clothesline but Biohazard baseball slides under the attempt. Logan turns to face him but is met with rapid fire kick to the mid section. Logan Buckles over Biohazard runs against the ropes he dives over the bent over Logan.
Freddy Whoa: SUNSET FLIP
Logan Kicks out
Gravedigger: He is trying to get this match over quick smart to bad that isn’t gonna work on a Vet like Logan.
Logan rolls back to his feet. He grabs Biohazard by the mask and starts unloading punches to the head. Biohazard starts to buckle from the attacks. The Face of treachery puts the downed man in to a camel Clutch.
Stanley Mosher is in there checking to see if Biohazard is going to yield from the pain.
Tyler Walker comes running in and hit Logan with a Double Axe handle to break up the hold. Marc Mayhem tries to follow suit but is stopped by Mosher. Walker hit’s a huge pump handle slam on Logan. He drags him over to there corner after. Biohazard walks over and tags walker in making him the legal combatant. He leans over Logan to pick him up but is met with a thumb to the eye. He turns away in pain. Logan signals to Marc to get ready. A strong whip to the corner sends Tyler sprinting toward Marc’s corner. Marc is Perched on the turnbuckle. He jumps and Hit a Missile dropkick on Walker. Mosher is quick to regain order in the ring and ushers Mayhem out. While his back is turned Biohazard enters the ring and dives in to the back of Logan’s Knee.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA THAT LOOKS PAINFUL.
Zach Davis: UHHH WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
Gravedigger: LOOK NUMB NUTS out down that stupid hotdog ring and watch the Match.
Logan is on the ground in pain. Holding his Knee. Tyler walks over grabs Logan by the hair and throws him over the top rope. Tyler starts flexing in the middle of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: They got Logan on the ropes this is no time for showboating
Biohazard runs down the ring apron and does a Senton Bomb on to the downed Logan.
Stanley Mosher starts his count
1 2 3 4 Logan starts to climb to his feet. 5 6 7 Logan Rolls in to the ring. Tyler walker starts Kicking Logan. Logan grabs his foot and pulls himself up. He throws Tyler to the ropes on his way back Tyler is able to tag in Biohazard. Logan is able to dive and tag in Mayhem.
Freddy Whoa: He’s been dying to get in here lets see what he can do!
Marc meets walker with a spear.
Biohazard keeps running toward Logan. Logan slides out of the ring. Biohazard turns to face Mayhem but is met with a Belly to belly Suplex. Biohazard lands on the back of his head and he isn’t moving to quickly. Logan slides back in the ring. He is eying Tyler as he starts to get to his feet. Mayhem is up Biohazard and he is climbing to his feet.
Zach Davis: I don’t need my ring to see what these to are thinking now
Freddy Whoa: NO it isn’t gonna be…
Gravedigger: OH MY GOD……
Tyler and Biohazard are both up on their feet. BOOOOMMMM. Marc and n Both hit SUPER KICKS!!!
Gravedigger: I can not believe I am saying this HOT!DOG! HOT!DOG!
Both men cover
DING DING DING
Logan climbs the turnbuckle claps his hands and vender start throwing in hotdogs.
Marc climbs the other turnbuckle claps his hands in comes another barrage of hotdogs.
Fade in to Steve Orbit sitting on a bench and he is looking off to the side. The Hardcore title belt is next to him. Buddy Roman enters the frame.
Buddy Roman: You alright, son?
Orbit snaps out of his daze.
Steve Orbit: What? Hell yeah, I'm ready to go handle these fools.
Buddy Roman: Good. Very good.
Orbit hears a notification on his phone. He looks at it, and then puts it back down.
Buddy Roman: What's going on?
Steve Orbit: This woman, Meredith. She won't leave me alone. She's convinced that she's my mother.
Buddy takes a seat next to Orbit.
Buddy Roman: No, Steve. She's tryng to convince YOU that she's your mother. Let me see that.
Orbit hands Buddy the phone and he reads the message.
Buddy Roman: This is foolishness. Don't you think the timing is a little too convenient? Why now? It doesn't make sense.
Buddy Roman: Look, I know your past... is unpleasant. I know about the tragedy of your birth mother's death. And I know... sometimes, people can start to believe something that isn't true, because they would LIKE it to be true. I know you wish your mother was alive, Steven, but she isn't. She died and you saw it with your own eyes. For this hussy crackpot to come into your life, and bring up all this pain... make you relive these painful events from your past, it's not fair. It's torture. It's inhuman. This... Meredith, she's a horrible, horrible person for doing this to you.
Buddy puts the phone in his pocket.
Buddy Roman: I'm going to hold on to this for you. You don't need this right now. You have a title to defend.
Orbit nods in agreement.
Steve Orbit: Thanks, Buddy.
Buddy hugs Orbit.
Buddy Roman: I will always protect you, Steven. You are my son... and I love you.
Steve Orbit: ... I know.
Buddy stands and walks out of the frame, leaving Orbit to stare at the wall once again as we fade out.
Zach Davis: This next match could be the show stealer of the night, right Diggles?
Gravedigger: What did you just call me? Diggles? Why, you Motherfu-
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Gotta agree, Zac. Two men out to make an name for themselves, right here in the dub...cee...eff.
Zach Davis: And the winner will have a legitimate case for future title shots.
Gravedigger: The path to greatness has always been stepped in blood, these two are gonna have to shred some to get their hands on glory. That I can guarantee.
The arena dims as a spotlight shines on the stage, leaving the rest of the arena in complete darkness, and then all of a sudden a lightning bolt strikes the stage as gold sparks begin to reign from the jumbotron down in front of the entrance curtain and onto the stage.
"Seize The Day" by Avenged Sevenfold blares through out the arena over the PA System. The crowd erupts with thunderous boos.
Kyle Steel: “Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 235 pounds, hailing from Knoxville, Tennessee, the Lightning Striker, JJJAYYDEN TTHHUNNDERRR!”
Zach Davis: And each one of those 235 pounds is pure, untapped mean, right Diggles?
Gravedigger: I swear to fuc-
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Here he is!
Jayden then appears from behind the curtain as an impressive display of pyrotechnics part in his presence. He casually walks down the ramp, ignoring the majority of distractions and the WCF fans. Jayden motions towards the ring and simply rolls in. As he reaches the center of the ring, Jayden flawlessly stands to attention. He then stands beside the ropes, looking out to those in attendance.
Gravedigger: My money’s on the Thunder, this guys tenacious and focused.
Zach Davis: And that mean streak of his is a mile wide!
Gravedigger: Just another tick in the plus box for Thunder if you ask me. Now, where’s this sultan fool?
Zach Davis: You mean, The emperor of epicness?
Freddy Whoa: The Senator of Sexiness?
Zach Davis: The Incarnation of Incredible?
Gravedigger: Jesus! Stop guzzlin’ the man’s jizz, ya pair of glory hole hunters!
The lights go out as a narrator starts to speak over the sound system:
“It is the future... year 6969. Somewhere out in Megaspace. The Pelozees of The Lesbodyke Nebula, in order to continue breeding after removal from the Universe their last remaining enemy, men, created the PIL - Penile Impregnation Lingumbot. Rezark SP - a prototype PIL, accidentally launched Into chrono-space during the hyperfiber wars, has programmed a self-Replicating evo-loop and drifts for a kilo-year, alone and sentient in a Tele-operative trajectory above Planet Three-S: formerly known as Earth. Lowering his astrogate to Planet Three-S, Rezark SP, the last surviving Chrononaut, has a bad case of blue ballsium and one thing on his hydro-mind.................”
Fireworks explode from the ramp as Supersonic sex machine by Steel Panther blasts out of the speakers, the lights go wild with color and Marco leaps onto the stage as Michelle walks along by next to him, dancing in time with the music he strips out of his jacket and trousers with fireworks going off behind him.
Marcus: Introducing the competitor, weighing in at 210 pounds and coming to us from Los Angeles California.... This is The sultan of sexual, The emperor of epicness, The Senator of Sexiness, The Incarnation of Incredible, The ambassador of awesome, The titan of titillation, the embodiment of exceptional, the host with the most and The Quintessential Ladies Man Marco Valintine.
Strutting down the ramp he claps the hands of the fans that are at ringside as--
jayden attacks Marco with a series of clubbing shots to the back, follows that up with a back body drop!
Gravedigger: Smart move right there from, Thunder!
jayden rolls Marco into the ring as the bell sounds and the match officially gets under way.
Marco tries to shake off the sneak attack as jayden rushes him, goes for an Enzigiri, Marco dodges the attack, catches the leg of Thunder and goes for a Pele kick counter, dodged by jayden. Both competitors roll out of their respective attacks and are back on their feet to a smattering of respectful applause.
The two competitors circle each other, Jayson rushes forward once more, Lou Thesz press followed by mounted punches, Marco soaks up the attack and rolls it over into mounted punches of his own. Marco performs a kip up and hits a Standing corkscrew moonsault!
Kick out by Jayson who catches a charging Marco with a Drop-toe hold and follows that up with a mighty Big swing!
Jayson lets Marco fly as a disoriented Valintine hugs the ropes on re-entry; the love pad host drags himself to his glittery feet as a running Jayson hits a vicious chop block out of nowhere that almost snaps Marco’s legs in two! Jayson sets up Marco on the top rope, and goes for an Olympic slam! But Marco kicks out!
Zach Davis: Avalanche reverse frankensteiner!
Jayson skull bounces off the mat as Marco goes for the cover
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Two! Only Two!
Marco climbs the turnbuckle and signals for the Standing corkscrew shooting star press!
Zach Davis: He’s going for the cupids wings, he’s looking to put Jayson away!
Zach Davis: Shockwave! Shockwave out of nowhere!
Jayson hits the Shockwave cutter on a leaping Marco. Slowly motions to make the cover.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!
Zach Davis: Marco kicked out of the Shockwave! Jayson can’t believe it!
Gravedigger: Yeah, you know...not bad.
Jayson staggers to his feet and drags Marco along for the ride by his long locks. Sets him up for a second Shockwave. Countered by Marco, who hits a Release German Suplex! Jayson rolls out of the ring for a powder as Marco cannons towards the ropes and hits a...
Zach Davis: Spaceman Plancha on Jayson Thunder!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Both men are down!
Referee starts the count, gets up to eight before both men reenter the ring. Exploder attempt blocked, countered into a Eddie Guerrero style Hurricanrana with mounted punches, Jayson rolls out of the attack and hits a One-handed bulldog on Marco as he charges!
Zach Davis: Amazing action here! Both competitors will not give up!
Jayson mocks Marco and goes for a standing star press, Marco gets the knees up and catches Jayson in the mid section. Another Kip up from marco as he channels his inner HBK, runs the ropes and goes for a Springboard Tornado Kick!
Zach Davis: He kicked out! Jayson Thunder kicked out of the Tornado Kick! Marco’s in shock!
Marco in control now, goes for a series of stiff kicks to the head and body as Jayson wills him on, screaming at Marco to give him his best shot.
Crowd: This is awesome! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! This is awesome! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
Zach Davis: C4! C4!
Jayson runs the ropes and goes for the Running single leg high knee!
Zach Davis: He got him! Surely that’s it!
Freddy Whoa: UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!
Jayson shakes his head, it’s like a dream. Points at the ring post and signals for the Shooting Star Double Stomp!
Zach Davis: Shining Dawn in route!
Gravedigger: Don’t like the name of that move...too terrorist.
Jayson climbs the turnbuckle as...
Zach Davis: Marco’s on his feet, he’s running to the turnbuckle!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Avalanche Tiger Suplex!
Marco hits the move with pitch perfect precision, Jayson gets massive hang time before his skull collides head on with the mat.
Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOO!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Marco signals for a:
Zach Davis: Here it cums...The Climax!!!!
Gravedigger: You wanna sponge, Zac?
Marco leaps, and goes for the Double rotation moonsault!!!
IF MARCO WINS:
Zach Davis: CLIMAX....CONNECTS!!!!
Zach Davis: Marco picks up the win!
Fade in to Buddy Roman, standing in the halls backstage. He's holding a cellphone to his ear.
Buddy Roman: ... Listen to me, you conniving BITCH. I won't let you hurt my son any longer. Just leave him be. He has a home, he has a family. He's happy for the first time in his LIFE. Just let him live his life. He doesn't want you, and he doesn't NEED you.
Pause as the other party speaks.
Buddy Roman: I don't care if you're his real mother!
Pause once again.
Buddy Roman: Brother?! Steven HATES Jonny Fly, and besides that-- he already has a brother. His name is Natural ICE Beckman. Listen, you abandoned Steven and you left him to fend for himself. He grew up without you, he became a MAN without you. A man who I am proud to call my son. And you WILL NOT take him from me. Understand? You leave him alone. Don't call this number again.
Buddy hangs up the phone and begins to pace. Fade out.
DING DING DING
Kyle Steel: The following contest is a No-Desqualification Match!
The crowd goes crazy.
Kyle Steel: And it is for the WCF TELEVISION TITLE!!!!!!
Air raid sirens can be heard in the arena as Ultimate Destroyer is wheeled down in a steel box.
Kyle Steel: First, the challenger, weighting in at 400 pounds… He is from The Wasteland… THE ULTIMAAAAATE
Zach Davis: Look at him shaking the ropes!
Freddy Whoa: Destroyer looks anxious to fight the champion.
Gravedigger: Let’s see who gets destroyed, him or Joey Flash. I hope both! I wanna see some action.
The lights dim to screams from the crowd. A single spotlight flicks on at the top of the ramp, no one filling the light for a moment until we see Joey Flash stride into the light, microphone in his hand.
Joey Flash: This is what you paid for. The next five...if I’m being kind, minutes is the sole reason your hard earned money is going to be worth it, otherwise you have flushed that shit directly down the drain, here I am, saviour of the common folk. You fucking inbreds.
Joey Flash: Let’s see what we’re going to accomplish tonight. Two goals for Joseph Flash the First. Number one, retain the Television title, Number two...do absolutely nothing about making the cowards in this company fight me. What, oh you tuned in to see me go gung ho, attack people and insult peoples pride and self worth? Well folks, fuck it, I tried.
Joey Flash: I’m not a miracle worker, I cannot control what others do...I only control that squared circle over there.
He points to the ring.
Joey Flash: So ladies and gentlemen. Hollow words and hollow chests is the business of everyone else here, you boo me, yet I’m the only person willing to do what no one else in the company will?
Joey Flash: You’ll get your show, you’ll get your slave thrown to the lions as every week. I’m going to spill his blood in front of you all, I’m going to dismantle this sacrifice, I’m going to make each and every one of you feel uncomfortable for wanting this. So be it. Orbit coward, Cairo coward, DVS coward, Scarecrow coward, Maelstrom coward, Price coward, Beckman coward. If I forgot your name, guess what? Coward. Joey Flash beats Ultimate Destroyer, light work.
The spotlight turns off as...Mile Zero by Periphery hits.
The lights spring back to life with Joey posed arms out to the crowd sucking in all the distaste and hate. He relents after a moment and smiles as he walks down the aisle. He stops and looks at a young teenager with a cap on backwards. He holds his arms to Joey.
Fan: Joey you faggot! Why don’t you fight a real fucking hard man for once. Pussssaaayyy!!!!
He motions for Joey to come and fight him. A bunch of guys of a similar age to him cheer and laugh at Joey, flashing him the finger and throwing popcorn at him. Joey looks at the mess on the floor, and then at the capped lad. His friends feign fear, hiding behind each other.
Joey holds a hand up toward the screen, the music stops immediately and he motions for someone to bring the microphone back to him.
Joey Flash: Your one minute of fame starts now.
The man laughs and shoves Joey in the face. Joey responds by dragging him straight over the railings and suplexing him onto the concrete. The guy’s hat flies into the air, caught by Joey who places it on his head. He looks up to the large screen.
Joey Flash: ‘Fuck Occulo’, an Oblivion fan huh?
Joey stomps on the guys unconscious head as security run down to remove the guy from the scene. The men behind the barrier back up in fear.
Joey Flash: Balls shrinking?
The men look at each other, at Joey, then nod their heads. Joey smiles and gives a thumbs up for his music to continue. He makes his way toward the ring, heading toward the announce table. He gives his hat to Gravedigger and slides into the ring.
Both wrestlers stare at each other, Ultimate Destroyer is completely frenetic. DING DING DING They start punching each other really hard, but Destroyer gets the advantage, putting Joey down. He keeps punching him, gets up and starts stomping him. LOOK! THROAT STOMP BY ULTIMATE DESTROYER! That hurt Flash a lot! Destroyer now applies a Leg Lock on Flash. He screams in pain as trying to get to the ropes. He can do it but there are no desqualifications so the referee can do nothing about it. But Joey reverses the maneuver and starts punching Ultimate Destroyer!
Zach Davis: Don’t forget Joey Flash is really good with his fists!
Gravedigger: I am good with my fists too, though not every girl likes it…
Freddy Whoa: Really funny Gravedigger.
Joey Flash now grabs Destroyer’s arm… Nice Vertical Suplex! He gets near his arm, and applies an Armbar! PAIN IS LOVE APPLIED! The Ultimate Destroyer is having an hard time but he tries to end the submission maneuver punching Joey. He holds the submission and Destroyer screams in pain. It continues for a while until The Ultimate Destroyer punches the Television Champion a few times and he let his arm go but he grabs the opponent again and applies a beautiful Snap Suplex! And another! AND ANOTHER!!! He goes for the cover…
Destroyer kicks out! Joey gets up, insulting the referee for the counting being too slow… And he leaves the ring… Oh oh! He is taking a chair! He enters the ring, but Destroyer kicks him in the belly and he drops the chair. Oh my god Destroyer is looking for the Power bomb…
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! POWER BOMB THROUGH THE STEEL CHAIR!
Zach Davis: The champion is in pain.
Gravedigger: I love this matches!!!!
Destroyer picks up the chair. His rage is clear. He hits the steel chair on Joey’s back. Two hits. Three. Four. Destroyer torturing Joey Flash! He now gets him up, puts his hand on his throat… Chokeslam! Cover…
How did Joey Flash kick out? Ultimate Destroyer gets frustrated and starts punching Joey. He dodges the third punch and tries to go for the Neckbreaker. He fails! Destroyer headbutts him and he falls on the ground! Now Destroyer is going for the turnbuckle! Oh!!! Moonsault successfully applied! He leaves the ring and is searching for a weapon… Oh!!! He finds a baseball bat covered in barbed wire! He smiles as he enters the ring, waits for Flash to get up… HE HITS HIM WITH THE BAT! THAT’S SICK!
Zach Davis: Joey Flash is being destroyed.
Freddy Whoa: Did you see the impact oh the champion’s head?
Gravedigger: LOOK! JOEY IS BLEEDING!
Ultimate Destroyer starts punching Joey’s bleeding head. Now he pushes him into the turnbuckle and applies a Clothesline! He kicks Joey Flash in the belly and applies another Powerbomb! Now he is leaving the ring and looks for something under it. UH OH! It’s a table! Joey stays laid down, trying to recover as Destroyer mounts the table outside the ring. Now Destroyer enters the ring, stomps Joey and pushes him outside. Joey slowly gets up and he hits the opponent with his elbow! And now he is punching The Ultimate Destroyer really hard! He falls!!! He grabs him, applies an Irish Whip… OH! ULTIMATE DESTROYER HITS HIS BACK ON THE RING STAIRS!
Zach Davis: Both of the wrestlers are laid on the floor.
Freddy Whoa: What a match!!!
Gravedigger: This two are risking their careers for the Television Title.
Joey and Destroyer start to get up slowly. Destroyer kicks Joey in the belly, puts his head between his legs… Oh my god! He is trying to Powerbomb the champion through the table! Flash is on his shoulders… OOHHHHHH!!!!!! JOEY REVERSED IT AND APPLIED AN IMPLANT DDT THROUGH THE TABLE!
Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!
The Television Champion goes to near the announcers’s table and grabs his title. Destroyer is slowly getting up… Flash runs!!! OH!!! He hits the challenger’s head with the belt! DESTROYER IS BLEEDING!!! Joey pushes him to the ring, follows him and here is the cover!
Th… NO! Destroyer lifts his shoulder! Joey can’t believe and starts arguing again with the referee saying it was a three count.
Zach Davis: The champion is really angry.
Freddy Whoa: It was a near fall, I don’t know how Destroyer could kick out.
Gravedigger: When you fight for a title you give everything you have. Of course you pussies don’t know that.
Flash grabs Destroyer’s head and successfully applies a Neckbreaker Slam!!!! He goes for the cover…
Thre… Oh!!! Destroyer kicks out again! The champion is really frustrated! He starts yelling at the referee for the third time! BE CAREFUL JOEY!!! OH MY GOD! LOW BLOW BY DESTROYER WHILE THE CHAMPION WAS DISTRACTED! They are both laid down on the ring, exhausted. Joey is in pain.
Zach Davis: That’s what happens when you don’t pay attention to your opponent.
Freddy Whoa: Destroyer noticed the champion was distracted and took advantage of that!
Gravedigger: Anything goes!!!!
Destroyer crawls to Joey and puts his arm on his chest… Cover…
The champion kicks out! Destroyer leaves the ring… He is searching for a weapon. He picks up another chair! He enters the ring, waits for Joey to get up… Oh god! He hits the champion on the head! The Ultimate Destroyer is really frenetic, he is shaking the ropes!!! He leaves the ring again, looks for something under the ring… Another table!!!! He mounts it outside, goes under the ring again…
Gravedigger: THAT’S GASOLINE AND A LIGHTER!!!! HELL YEAH BABY!!!
Zach Davis: Oh no… Destroyer is lighting the table on fire…
Freddy Whoa: There are limits for God’s sake!!
Destroyer goes to the ring and puts Joey Flash on his shoulders. He climbs the turnbuckle and goes to the top rope…
Zach Davis: OH GOD! HE IS TRYING TO APPLY “THE END” ON THE CHAMPION THROUGH THE TABLE!
Freddy Whoa: Don’t do it Destroyer…
Gravedigger: HE SUCCESSFULLY PUTS JOEY THROUGH THE TABLE ON FIRE!!!!!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Both wrestlers are laid down for a while. Destroyer is the first to get up and puts Joey on the ring. He goes for the cover!
THRE… NOOOO! HOW THE HELL DID JOEY FLASH KICK OUT?! Destroyer can’t believe it and start punching the champion. He reverses it! He starts punching the challenger and then hit a good clothesline that leaves Destroyer laid down on the ring! Joey leaves the ring, looks for a weapon… It’s a brass knuckle! He enters the ring, Destroyer is up, punches him… SUDDEN FLASH WITH THE BRASS KNUCKLE! HE GOES FOR THE COVER…
Kyle Steel: The winner of this match AND STILL WCF TELEVISION CHAMPION… JOOOEEEYY FLAAAAAAASH!
Zach Davis: What a match! Nice finish by the champion!
Freddy Whoa: Really sick that “The End” through the table.
Gravedigger: I loved this match!!
Freddy Whoa: This internet title match is just about to get underway. These guys have been verbally shredding each other all week. Its just about time they started shredding each other physically.
The opening strands of I'm Not Like Everyone Else by the Kinks plays and the crowd gives a nice, big cheer as a familiar bald headed big steps through the curtain.
Zach Davis: It's Alex Richards! We haven't seen him in a few months! This guy captured the hardcore, tag team, and people's championships in less than a year in the WCF. He was one of the brightest prospects in the WC F.
Freddy Whoa: Not a fan Gravedigger?
Gravedigger: This punk did try to call me out before War. Although on the other hand he did have a brutal battle with Jayson Price so he can't be all bad.
Alex slaps some of his trademark hard high fives with the fans who seem pleased to see him. He also holds up a cowboy boot in the air then to a loud cheer drinks down the contents of it. Alex grins, enjoying himself as he reaches into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulls out a microphone. Dune, Kaz Mazy, and Jackson White stare daggers at Richards from inside the ring obviously frustrated at being forced to wait to begin their match.
Alex Richards: You know since I've been gone from the WCF a lot of things have changed. For example I showed up tonight and wanted to get me a hot dog. But they were all out. Apparently since Logan has came back he and Marc Mayhem have been hogging all the hot dogs. So not cool. I was sort of bummed out so I thought you know would cheer me up. Seeing the latest dumb thing Adam Young has done. Then I learned Adam Young has left. I can't believe it. Adam Young finally did something positive! So then I was pretty happy. Of course he flushed all that good will down the drain since he's coming back tonight but at least he tried. Until I learned of more more change... the honor bar! That's right.. they set up an honor bar backstage. But since I have no honor the money has been staying in my pocket and the alcohol has been flowing down my throat. In fact I had so much free booze I accidently entered the wrong locker room. Judging by the hundred or so empty beer cans and the large bottle of belt polish Ice is still killing it! So now that I'm half in the bag I figured I needed to figure out what I wanted to do to entertain myself tonight.
Alex goes into his trademark black doctor's bag and starts to pull out cans of beer which he begins tossing to fans in the crowd. The fans love it of course free alcohol and give him a loud cheer. But the people in the ring just look annoyed by this distraction before their big match. Alex runs out of beer, you can only hold so much in a doctor's bag so it's quickly. So he turns back towards the ring.
Alex Richards: But getting the fans just a little drunker... that wasn't my main goal for the night. Hey, I do have goals... sometimes. The last time I was here I was battling all over the building, into washrooms, into stores, against creepy rednecks who seem to embody the WCF slogan of the biggest butt rape federation in the world.
This gets a cheap pop. WCF fans are twisted.
Alex Richards: Now don't get me wrong, Jayson Price is certainly no friend of mine. In fact I'm looking forward to watching the Blue Lady go straight up cookie monster on him later tonight. But I'll give him credit. No excuses, he beat me. Jayson Price was the better man that night... just barely but that's all that counts. Then I saw that Jayson has vacated the internet title. And this is my problem. Jayson and I beat each other senseless for twenty minutes for that title! If anyone deserves a chance at that belt.. it's me! So.. Dune, Jackson White, and Kaz Mazy... the people know it.. you know it.. I deserve a chance at that title. So I'm out here to issue a challenge to the winner to put his newly won internet title on the line.
Alex looks to turn away then stops
Alex Richards: Let's be honest. Kaz... I know it's going to be you. Finish these guys off and let's do this! Because when our match is over.. I won't be able to celebrate on twitter because YOLO ADRIAN I GOT THIS...... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Is over 50 characters. But don't worry fans I'll think of another way to celebrate. This might be comeback night but in the end mine is going to be the best of them all.
Alex Richards turns and walks towards the backstage area to another good cheer from the fans.
Zach Davis: The Archduke of Mass Confusion makes his return here tonight and it sounds like he wants a shot at the Internet Championship!
Gravedigger: That I can get behind. If you want something you come out and take it. There's the opening bell. Time to see just who the next Internet Champion will be.
Heavy guitar distortion cuts through the arena as all the lights shut off, minus a gaggle of blue and green on the stage. They all aim at the tron which is showing an unorthodox entrance video. It shows WCF Superstar Kaz Mazy performing daring feats all in Super Nintendo fighting game graphics ala Mortal Kombat.
"2nd Sucks" by A Day To Remember starts blaring as lights explode throughout the arena and the words growl sending a shiver up every collective spine in attendance. The battle cry makes men sprout thick and poons wet. Every child in attendance grows hair on their chest and they reach for the nearest bong and start tokin' up!
Spotlights center on one of the entrances in the crowd where Kaz stands, kendo holstered to his back, Tag Team Championship around his waist, and Bolts Quackenbush waving that Old Glory PG Flag with the Ham' n' Sick' and the Fitty Stars and Thickteen Bars.
Zac Davis: It's Kaz Mazy!
Freddy Whoa: The only thing that would make this entrance thicker is titties being motorboated!
As if on cue, Bolts motorboats the baddest set of titties in attendance on that instant transmission shit as Kaz starts making his way down the steps, throwing his hands in the air with each cry of his name.
Crowd: KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ!
Zac Davis: The Kaz Movement has begun! Can anybody stop it?
Freddy Whoa: Naw dude. I don't think so.
Kaz leaps the barricade and slides into the ring. He taunts to the crowd from the second rope and they explode in Kaz cheers once again.
Crowd: KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ!
Kaz unstraps his Tag Team Championship and his kendo and hands his effects to Bolts who guards them with his life. Kaz leans against the turnbuckle as his music fades and awaits the start of the match.
Zach Davis: And here we go, our contenders for the Internet Championship are making their way to the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Kaz has been very vocal about how he is going to win this match. He wants to define himself as a single competitor and not be stuck in Bobby Cairo's shadow.
Gravedigger: Well, that motherfucker casts a long one, so don't expect to see Kaz get out of it just yet.
Zach Davis: Kaz has the most experience in that ring out of the three of them...he might just bring that Internet Championship to the Poondocks table tonight at Payback!
“Heat Miser” by Massive Attack – The lights fade and “Heat Miser” begins in the darkness. Smoke pours out just beyond the entrance as two beams of golden light move slowly around the arena. Dune appears as the last burst of smoke issues, walking upright and determined. His cold eyes scan the audience, raising an upturned hand if there are cheers and scowling if there are boos. He slides into the ring and is quick to his feet in the center, where he raises his head to the rafters as each corner post issues a final hiss of smoke before the lights come on again.
Freddy Whoa: Here's Dune, the literal dark horse pick for this match. He slings shit just as well as he dishes out punishment. He might have what it takes to win the Internet Championship and hold on to it.
Gravedigger: But he was also Jayson Price's pick for winner...and you have to wonder if Jayson Price has made any right decisions in his WCF career.
Zach Davis: If Dune doesn't bring home his first championship here tonight, he'll have proved that he's a force to be reckoned with in the next few months.
"Fuse" by Neuroma begins to play as Jackson "The Fenix" White walks slowly to the ring with the hoody looking down then he enters the ring and stretch both of his arms looking up (like he was looking at his father) and some pyrotechnics similar to Kane start.
Zach Davis: Here's a man who has made no friends in his young months in the WCF...and that's just how he likes it.
Freddy Whoa: But you gotta think about the mental state a man must be in to literally call out an entire roster of established wrestlers and proclaim himself "The Best"
Gravedigger: That's how you have to do it! The Fenix is trying to get himself noticed, and I dig his style! He just wants to make his father proud!
Zach Davis: But can he back up those words in the ring tonight and bring home the Internet Championship?
The three competitors don't even wait for the bell to ring before the actiom explodes. Dune and Fenix both instantly go for Kaz, backing him in to the turnbuckle and trading off hitting him with hard rights! The referee calls for the bell and the match (officially) begins!
Zach Davis: Dune and Fenix kept to their word...they're out to destroy Kaz!
Gravedigger: Well...he pissed them off! He pisses me off too, so I'd do the same damn thing!
Dune goes for one more hard right, but Kaz deflects it and leaps up on the turnbuckle. His foot connects with Dune's chin and knocks him back. Fenix comes at Kaz, but Kaz slips underneath him and goes for the #KAZROLLUP
Fenix powers out and rolls to his feet as Kaz does the same thing. They lock up, but Dune comes up behind Fenix and nails him im the small of the back with a hard forearm. Fenix crumples and Kaz leaps over him and attempts to hit Dune with a superman punch...but Dune catches him mid flight and power slams him to the ground and the mat shakes with the force of it.
Zach Davis: Wow! What impact!
Dune hooks Kaz's leg for the pin.
Zach Davis: Kaz gets the shoulder up!
Dune sits up and lifts Kaz to his feet. Kaz seems to be grabbing Dune's leg for support...but he uses it to shimmy around Dune then dropkicks him right in the back of the knee. Dune crumples and Kaz bounces off the ropes.
Freddy Whoa: Shining Wizard!...
Zach Davis: Dune ducks it!
Dune grabs Kaz's leg on the way down and drops a sharp right elbow into the back of Kaz's knee.
Zach Davis: Dune reciprocated that shot Kaz paid him not thirty seconds ago!
Gravedigger: He seems to be saying "If you do it to me, I'm gonna pay it back!"
Freddy Whoa: Kaz needs to watch what he does to Dune...
As Kaz is nursing his leg, Fenix flies up behind a knealt Dune and hits him in the back of the head with his right knee. Fenix falls on Dune and hooks his leg.
Dune presses his hands to Dune's chest and throws him off. Fenix lands across the ring in a lump as Dune gets to his feet.
Zach Davis: Dune just made a huge power play on The Fenix!
Gravedigger: Come on! Get em Fenix!
Fenix gets to his feet and charges Dune with a clothesline...but Dune ducks again! He grabs Fenix around the chest as he does and drops him right on his knee with a backbreaker. Fenix bounds up holding his back and Dune grabs him around the midsection and lifts him for a sidewalk slam...
Zach Davis: Kaz Mazy outta nowhere with a dropkick!
The dropkick hits Dune right in the chest and he falls over with the added weight of Fenix for extra impact...but Fenix hooks the leg and goes for the cover!
Kaz nails Fenix in the back with a double axe handle and breaks up the pin. Fenix turns and knocks Kaz in the face with a hard right hook and Kaz bounds into the ropes. Fenix charges and hooks Kaz with a clothesline, but Kaz holds on as they both fly over the ropes and spill to the mat with a crash!
Zach Davis: This one's going to the floor real fast!
Gravedigger: Keep em away from my Fanta!
Kaz and Fenix seem to be collecting themselves and getting to their feet. Right as they do, Dune comes soaring over the middle rope with a suicide dive, driving all three of them into the barricade!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Freddy Whoa: The crowds lovin what these three competitors are bringing to this match and the Internet Championship!
Gravedigger: They want that gold Freddy, and they'll do anything to get it! Even put their own bodies on the line!
All three men lay strewn about on the floor outside the ring, slowly regaining their faculties. Kaz starts to tug at the ring apron while Dune and Fenix both use the stairs to climb to their feet. They see each other and start popping off rights and lefts, but Kaz doesn't let them continue as he comes in with hard shots of his own.
Gravedigger: Kaz would be better suited hitting them with an aerial assault! Stand up fights don't seem to be his forte.
Zach Davis: He seems to be holding his own with these two rather large guys.
And it's true. He is! Kaz, Dune, and Fenix all trade off hits with each other before Fenix catches Dune's arm and slams it against the turnbuckle. Dune bounds away holding his right arm as Kaz runs up the steps and hits The Fenix with a slick crossbody...but Fenix catches him and hits him with a fallaway slam right into the announce table! Kaz's lower back hits the edge and he bounces off the table! He hits the mat with a sick thud and Fenix begins stomping on him!
Gravedigger: No love lost for Kaz from Fenix! He's been very vocal in his hatred of the Poondock Saint.
Zach Davis: And remember, there's no disqualification so these moves are all as legal as a pumphandle slam!
Fenix lifts Kaz to his feet who is holding the small of his back and yells in his face before bouncing his head off the announce table. Kaz bounds back and barely catches himself on the ring apron. Fenix taunts to the crowd to a chorus of boos before Dune catches him around the neck and bounces his head off the announce table. Fenix pops up and gets thrown hard into the steel steps. His body and the stairs both slide a good few feet before Dune rounds on Kaz!
Zach Davis: Kaz needs to wake up and shake it off, or Dune will make tomorrows lunch out of him!
Dune grabs Kaz around the neck and attempts to hit him off the announce table again, but Kaz puts his foot up and stops it. He grabs Dune around the head instead and flips off the table!
Zach Davis: REPTILIAN!
Freddy Whoa: We've seen him use that move before, but it can seemingly come from outta nowhere!
Kaz tries to lift Dune off the ground, but he is too heavy for the light heavyweight. Instead Kaz rounds on Fenix and lifts him to his feet and slides him into the ring. Kaz goes to the top turnbuckle and signals to the crowd:
Kaz/Crowd: WHY WON'T CAN'T LET ME?!
As he's about to bound off, Fenix leaps up and dumps the ropes and Kaz hits the turnbuckle love nectar pouch first!
Fenix lifts Kaz from his chest and shorts and throws him over. He wraps Kaz's previously injured leg up and wrenches the submission hold. The leg lock looks like it's doing some serious damage to Kaz who can't reach Fenix or the ropes to break the hold. Right as shit looks bleak, Dune grabs Fenix around the neck from the outside of the ring and pulls him back out. Fenix hits the floor with a thud and Dune lifts him off the ground in a Herculean feat of strength and puts him right on his shoulder.
Zach Davis: Wait...what's he doing?
Dune charges the corner of the barricade and slams Fenix right into it. They don't crash through, but it did some damage to the barricade. Dune and Fenix now both lay on the ground as the impact caused damage to both men.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Kaz is getting to his feet in the ring now!
Gravedigger: Hop little Warrior, hop!
Kaz does seem to be doing a one legged jig in the ring, but that doesn't stop him from climbing to the top turnbuckle as Fenix and Dune stand to their feet outside the ring.
Crowd: Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz! Kaz!
Zach Davis: It's the Kaz Movement in full effect!...literally!
Kaz leaps from the top turnbuckle and all three men crash through the barricade to a huge pop from the crowd!
Crowd: This is awesome! This is awesome! This is awesome! This is awesome!
Zach Davis: The WCF Galaxy is comming to life right now! They love this match!
Freddy Whoa: These three guys are giving everything they have! I think Kaz just died leaping on to those two guys...wait, no he's stirring.
Kaz's eyes open and close as if he just woke up from a long night of sleeping. Dune and Fenix both seem to be coming too, but alll three men still lay motionless outside the ring.
Gravedigger: You gotta wonder if they can even continue! That move must have taken it out of all three men!
Kaz starts to slowly crawl away from the wreckage as Fenix and Dune do the same thing. Kaz uses an unbroken portion of barricade to get up. Fenix gets up before Dune as Dune had taken the brunt of that maneuver.
Zach Davis: Kaz and Fenix up now!
Kaz slides into the ring as an injured Fenix does the same thing. They begin to brawl it out in the middle of the ring. Kaz with hard right shin kicks, and a kick to the hip. Fenix reaches across and hits him with an eye rake. Kaz bounds against the ropes and Fenix attempts a roll up...but Kaz holds on to the ropes and Fenix rolls away. Kaz bounds off the ropes and knocks Fenix over the top rope! Fenix hits the apron and lands on his feet outside as Kaz bounds against the ropes again and flies over the top rope with a somersault senton...but Fenix catches him in a powerbomb position and slams him through the announce table, finishing what he started earlier. Boos echo throughout the arena as Fenix eats them up while Kaz lays in a crumpled heap underneath video moniters and debris and the like.
Gravedigger: Pick a pin and take it Fenix! The Internet Championship is yours man!
As if Fenix heard him, he looks around at Dune, who is just now starting to get to his feet, and Kaz, who's still lying across the table. He walks over to the timekeepers podium and grabs the Internet Championship. He holds it high in the air as the crowd continues to boo!
Zach Davis: Fenix is laying claim to the Internet Championship!
Gravedigger: Look around you...do you see anybody jumping up to stop him?
Dune finally gets to his feet and Fenix whips around, Internet Championship in hand. He charges Dune to hit him with it...but Dune ducks and sends Fenix over him with a hip toss! the internet championship flies away as Fenix hits the ground. Dune moves towards Fenix, albeit slowly, and starts stomping away at him. Dune picks Fenix up and slides him in the ring. He covers him for the pin.
Zach Davis: No!!! Lazy breaks it up!
Freddy Whoa: I thought I was seeing things when he stood up! How did he do it?
Dune looks up at Kaz and you can see the hate in his eyes. Dune starts to get up and Kaz pounds on him, throwing fist after fist, strike after strike. Kaz goes to throw Dune to the ropes, but Dune reverses it; Kaz hits the ropes, bounces back...
Gravedigger: Big Boot!
Kaz hits the mat and rolls out of the ring. Fenix has stumbled up next, and Dune kicks him in the gut. Into the double underhook.
Zach Davis: Here we go..
Freddy Whoa: SANDSTORM!
DUNE HITS THE SANDSTORM! He drops down, covering Fenix!
Gravedigger: WE'VE GOT AN INTERNET CHAMPION!
The bell sounds.
Zach Davis: What an amazing match!
Gravedigger: Better than any match we've seen with Jayson Price since he was Champion, that's for sure.
Dune slowly but surely works his way to his feet and is handed the Internet Championship. He falls back, resting into the turnbuckle before he raises the belt high in the air, looking around at the audience.
Freddy Whoa: I'm not sure I've ever seen such a hard fought Internet Title contest. Simply amazing.
Dune rolls out of the ring as Mazy and Fenix both rest, catching their breath and/or their scrambled brains.
"Sweet Home Alabama" hits the speakers.
Freddy Whoa: What does this cracker-ass jive turkey want now?
The curtain shifts, and Johnny Reb walks out, the People's Title slung over his shoulder. Without a pause, he makes his way to the ring and climbs through the ropes.
Zach Davis: Earlier tonight, we saw Johnny Reb get destroyed by a mystery attacker. Maybe he's going to talk about that. Oooh... maybe it's the same person who's been dropping hints about an imminent return?
The Dark Confederate stalks to the center of the ring, thrusting the People's Title high into the air while the crowd's displeasure swells around him. Someone passes him a mic as he waits for the noise to fade. He lowers the belt slowly, settling it on his shoulder as he raises the microphone to his lips.
Dark Johnny: SILENCE, mortals!
This, of course, only elicits further jeers. He looks annoyed as he is forced to wait for the audience to settle down.
Freddy Whoa: The WCF Galaxy does not like this new version of Johnny Reb.
Gravedigger: That's because they're too dumb to appreciate the finer nuances of what he's doing. This partnership with Oblivion? Stroke of genius! The two of them could go far if they can get their shit together.
Dark Johnny: I said... SILENCE!
Dark Johnny: Earlier tonight --
Dark Johnny: -- I was subjected to the most heinous --
Dark Johnny: -- and cowardly form of attack that a man can endure...
Zach Davis: Irony much?
Gravedigger: Shhh! We want to hear this.
Reb lowers the microphone and stares at the audience with a sour expression. Again, he removes the People's Title from his shoulder and lifts it up.
Dark Johnny: Quiet, all of you!
A hush falls over the audience.
Dark Johnny: Much better. Now, as I was saying -- the person responsible for that reprehensible and unvirtuous act must step forward NOW! NO ONE assaults the Dark Timekeeper and --
Suddenly, music. Familiar music. It's "Doctor Feelgood" by Motley Crue, which can only mean one thing ....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! DOC HENRY! DOC HENRY IS BACK IN WCF!!!
The crowd goes insane! Doc emerges onto the stage, and thrusts his arms into the air to wild applause. Then he makes his way down the ramp, gaze focused on the ring in front of him. He ascends the steps and grabs a mic from an attendant at ringside.
Zach Davis: Listen to this capacity crowd! Doc Henry mysteriously went missing a couple of months ago, leaving a deranged Johnny Reb no alternative but to turn to Oblivion ...for reasons that have not yet been satisfactorily explained. But now he's back! To put right what once went wrong...
Gravedigger: No, that's Quantum Leap, Zach. Doc Henry is a man of many faces -- which one will we see tonight?
A hush falls over the crowd as Doc raises the mic. His coat falls open, revealing the gleam of the Confederate Championship around his waist.
Doc Henry: I told y'all I'd be back! Finally the WCF gets a worthy champion...
Dark Johnny: Well, well, well.... WCF's prodigal son returns -- again. If you're looking to re-form the New Confederacy, I'm afraid you're a little late. The position has been filled. You ...have been replaced. Turns out I never really needed you to begin with.
Doc Henry: Cut the shit, you wannabe demigod! After what you did to Johnny -- to me -- you son of a bitch. Besides, the New Confederacy has died, I have my sights set on bigger gold. You'll never be the Tag Champion I was...
Dark Johnny: Aww.. Is somebody butthurt? Hmm? Didn't like the ...vacation I sent you on?
He chuckles wickedly. Doc keeps his eyes on Reb, his jaw tight, lip curled in a slight sneer. With exaggerated nonchalance, the Dark Timekeeper slips his hand into a subdimension and casually withdraws the Bell, preparing to use it.
Dark Johnny: How did you escape, by the way? I was assured that was impossible...
Doc Henry: Well it wasn't easy, but you know, flash around a cock to be jealous of like mine, and well you get the drift...
Seriously, that hell hole you called a vacation was nothing more than me being the prey for some inter-dimensional Boba Fett wanna be.
The thing is, nobody controls the destiny of the Confederate Champion, but myself...
Angered now, the Dark Timekeeper steps up to Doc, until the two of them are nose-to-nose. Which is the precise reaction he'd wanted. The Southern Rogue unbuckles his Confederate Championship and bashes Reb in the face with it. Johnny goes down! He grabs for the Bell of Time -- just as Oblivion rushes down the ramp!
Zach Davis: HERE COMES THE MONSTER! Doc better get out of there!
And he does. Relinquishing his grip on the Bell, Doc hits the mat and rolls out of the ring at the same moment Oblivion enters. The monster doesn't make a move to assist; IT simply stands there, staring down at Doc with an unfathomable look etched across ITs face. Doc circles the ring, eyes on Oblivion and Johnny, pointing at the two of them.
Doc Henry: That bell doesn't belong to you anymore that the body you now inhabit. I will return it, and Johnny, and you can count on that you Clock-Knocker!
We go to commercial.
"Miseria Cantare" by AFI starts playing as the arena goes pitch black. All of a sudden the Cartel logo appears on the WCFtron. A single white light hits the entrance as the Cartel step into the arena all clad in black "Old School" t-shirts. Chaz is carrying a duffel bag as the trio makes its way to the ring to the sounds of boos. Ghost as a figure over his left shoulder also. Adam circles the ring as the other two climb into the ring. Adam climbs the rail near the announce table and the fans start a Old School chant. Adam then climbs into the ring and the black and purple streamers begin flying into the ring.
Adam Young: I've been here for over five years in the WCF. I've been part of one of the best tag teams in the WCF and I will forever be known as the most hated wrestler in WCF history. I'm a two time World tag team champion and a former TV champion yet I get know fucking respect from those clowns in the back. Tonight I take my respect from someone's ass.
Ghost throws the figure down revealing it to be "Disco" Donald Duckworth.
Adam Young: You think its funny to mock me in the back don't you? It's funny huh? Well you get your chance to mock me right to my face punk.
Adam picks Disco up and nails Old School on him. Disco is out cold and has blood dribbleing from the corner of his mouth.
Adam Young: I told you I would get my payback and it's only beginning. I'm calling out the winner of the Internet championship match to face me at the very next SLAM for that championship in a bull rope match. It seems it's only fitting that I wear the Internet championship since it was created because of me. Can't you just hear it already, your new WCF Internet champion "Old School" Adam Young. Has a certain ring to it don't you think.
Adam walks around just smileing.
Adam Young: And since the Board decided to take the Kings of Chaos out of their match tonight we are just going to make them the number one contenders for the WCF World tag titles and have them fight for them at the very next pay per view in another old school gimmick match, a scaffold match. That's right boys and girls two teams twenty feet above the ring fighting until one team stands supreme. Schools in bitches.
"Man in the box" by Alice in Chains plays as the Cartel leaves the arena. Until Seth Lerch stops them.
Seth Lerch: You know what you guys? You're too good to wait. You'll get your Tag Team Titles match NEXT WEEK!
Seth shakes hands with Adam Young. Before he quickly steps away.
Seth Lerch: In fact...
The crowd buzzes.
Seth Lerch: Starting next week is the official Road to Timebomb Tag Team Series! What does that mean? I'll explain more later, but long story short, we'll have quite a few tag team matches, tournament style. See y'all next week!
Seth walks to the back without explaining further.
Zach Davis: Ladies and gentlemen, we're coming up on one of the most anticipated matches of the night. Just a couple of months ago, Johnny Reb defeated Steeltoe Joe to become the WCF People's Champion -- since then, he's embarked on a bizarre crusade that includes forming an alliance with his archenemy, Oblivion and wreaking havoc on Time.
Freddy Whoa: Tonight, he faces two challengers -- The Silver Lining, Roy Speede and The Murder Machine, Cory Scarecrow. This won't be the first clash between the Scarecrow and the Inveterate Confederate. Reb's been shamed twice by the Strawman -- could the third time be the charm?
The lights go out in the arena. After several seconds, words written in a bright white begin flashing on the otherwise blackened out Jumbotron. With each fading word, a new word pops up on the screen.
As the last word fades, all five words reappear on the jumbotron at once.
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!?!
The lights slowly come back on as 'Hear Me Now' by Hollywood Undead begins to play through the speakers as Roy Speede steps out on stage. He crosses his arms in an X across his chest, with his right arm underneath his left, and his hands in his fists. He bows his head for several seconds, and his chin rests in the gap between his fists.
Kyle Steel: “Introducing, from Richmond, Virginia, Wrestling Championship Federation's own Silver Lining, he is ROY SPEEEEDE!!”
Roy drops his right arm, and raises his left arm in the air, with his pointer, middle, and pinky fingers extended, and his ring finger and thumb tucked into his palm. His palm is facing the crowd. He drops his arm, and begins jogging to ringside, high-fiving fans as he goes, before climbing onto the apron, and then climbing the outside of the turnbuckle. He raises his left arm, with the same fingers extended as when he was on stage. He leaps from the turnbuckle into the ring.
Zach Davis: This man is a perennial fan favorite! If anyone here tonight embodies the spirit of the People's Championship, it's Roy Speede!
Gravedigger: Meh. Speede's a third-tier comic book character -- an overrated, generic, pandering show-off. All flash, no sizzle. The only thing he's going to do in this match is get in the way.
Freddy Whoa: DAY-UM! That is HARSH, 'Digger.
Gravedigger: Did you just call me a --
Zach Davis: He said "Digger". With a D. Relax.
The house lights die. The sound of crows cawing echoes throughout the arena, red spotlights dancing across the screaming faces of those in attendance as the ear splitting sound reaches a crescendo.
A moment of Silence, shattered by a wave of cheers as The Scarecrow’s disembodied voice begins to recite, with gravel laced tones, his vengeful credo. The crowd joining in:
“A murder of crows is gathering, the fields are ripe to reap. The days of sin, follow the wind, with promises to keep.”
“And in those fateful hours, when my dawn shall duly rise. The Scarecrow shall guard them, from the devils lies"
“Men of straw they cower, fall and fear the flame. Yet I am the one, who embraces the sun. Let darkness know my name.”
The crowd breaks into cheers, acquiescing to their hero's request:
SCARECROW! SCARECROW! SCARECROW!
A moment passes, then “Red Right Hand”, by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds begins to play. As the ominous chords sing, a red spotlight appears on the stage beneath a jumbotron of strange occult symbology; Snakes slithering across the sand, a Joshua Tree bursts into flame, Wicker Men are set on fire by hooded occultists. The Scarecrow emerges from behind the gorilla curtain, his massive form cutting a dark, hulking silhouette, eclipsed by red smoke and light. Still masked in shadow, Scarecrow adjusts his right taped hand and steps forward, only now gaining detail and depth as he slowly begins his procession down the ramp. He's wearing a black, customized hoodie over his fight gear.
Kyle Steel: Standing at six foot six! Weighing in at two hundred and fifty eight pounds! From The Bowery, New York! He is DAHHH MURDAHHH MACHINNNE, DAHHH SCAREEE-CROWWW!!!
The spotlight above follows Scarecrow at a measured pace, his tall frame navigating around the squared circle. Crow sizing up the opposition within with a steely, unwavering glare.
“You're one microscopic cog, in his catastrophic plan. Designed and directed by his red...right...hand.”
The Scarecrow soaks up the cheers from the crowd before sliding inside the ring, adjusting his taped right hand once again as a way of foreshadowing his finishing maneuver. Scarecrow removes his hoodie and hands it to Kyle Steel. With a casual arrogance, Crow slumps up against a post and waves his opponent on, arms draped over the ropes in a crucifix pose, a demeanor of nonchalance tinged with cold menace.
Freddy Whoa: Listen to these fans! The WCF Galaxy loves an antihero!
Gravedigger: You know what they love more? A champion!
The house lights dim, and the intro to Lynnyrd Skynnyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" hits the speakers. A murmur of discontent rises from the audience, nearly drowning out the music, as the spotlight hits the stage. Johnny Reb steps out from behind the curtain, one hand clutching the People's Title against his shoulder, the other raised as if to encourage accolades. The crowd reacts with more jeers.
Kyle Steel: And finally to the ring.... from Sweet Water, Alabama.... Weighing in at two-hundred and five pounds... The Master of Time, the Lord of Entropy.... YOUR WCF People's Champion.... JOHNNY REB!!!
A cascade of sparks erupts, showering the stage, as the Inveterate Confederate starts down the ramp. He circles the ring, showing off the big shiny belt to the audience, a smug smirk on his lips. Speede and Scarecrow trade glances; exchange a few words while Speede adjusts an elbow pad. Rep leaps lightly onto the ring apron, eyeing both men, finger pointed at one, then the other. With a wicked smile, he draws his thumb across his throat.
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb making his intentions known... He might not want to do that -- Scarecrow has a decided size advantage here....
Unimpressed, Scarecrow rolls his eyes and lifts both arms, palms up, and beckons with both hands; Reb slips through the ropes and walks right up to Scarecrow, pulling the strap from his shoulder. He winds up to bash Scarecrow with it -- but referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy snatches it from his hands and signals for the bell! Johnny's head whips around comically in confusion.
Freddy Whoa: And this match is underway! 'Crow wastes no time, smacking Johnny Reb right across the face!
Not wanting to be left out, Roy Speede taps Scarecrow on the shoulder. When 'Crow turns, he's met with a knee to the gut, followed quickly by a DDT! Reb sneaks in a kick to the downed Scarecrow. Speede leaps back to his feet and gets in Johnny's face, then shoves him away. Reb takes a few steps back, starts after Speede, and then stops short. From behind Speede, Scarecrow has risen and now locks his hands around Speede's waist.
Gravedigger: And down goes Roy Speede to a German suplex! Scarecrow bridges into a pin -- but Johnny Reb hits the ropes and drops an elbow on the strawman!
The Inveterate Confederate is on his feet first, followed by Roy Speede, who goes on the offense immediately. He charges at Reb -- and Johnny rolls out of the ring!
Zach Davis: What the hell?
Speede barely has time to consider this, however. He senses the presence behind him, turns to face Cory Scarecrow, and just ducks a Muay Thai style elbow strike. Johnny watches from outside the ring, grinning.
Gravedigger: That's called "strategy," Zach. With two opponents, both looking to take away his title, the smart money's on a man who out-thinks his adversaries -- instead of wearing himself out.
Scarecrow makes another grab for Speede -- who isn't quite quick enough -- and nails him with a Northern Lights suplex! He goes for the cover; O'Shaughnessy drops to start the count.
Freddy Whoa: Johnny Reb just pulled Roy Speede out of the ring to break up the pinfall! Speede doesn't look any happier about it than Scarecrow does -- and now Reb and Speede are brawling on the outside!
In the ring, Scarecrow paces along, following the progress as Roy and Johnny trade punches, while the ref yells at them to get back in the ring. Scarecrow carefully calculates his next maneuver; the Silver Lining is slung into the apron by an Irish Whip from the Inveterate Confederate; Scarecrow grabs the ropes and lauches himself over --
Zach Davis: Plancha! Plancha on Johnny Reb AND Roy Speede! All three men are on the floor!
The crowd goes wild, cheering the action as all three competitors begin to stir. Speede gets up first, and Scarecrow is on his feet right after. Speede glances at Scarecrow, who gives him a nod; the two of them bend down and lift Johnny Reb by the arms. Then, in spontaneous unison, Scarecrow and Speede drop Reb to the floor with a double mat slam!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Teamwork from the challengers! Johnny Reb just got destroyed!
Together, the two men lift Reb up and shove him under the bottom rope. Suddenly, the cooperative mood evaporates. They keep wary gazes on one another as they climb into the ring. Speede risks a glance at Reb, who lies on the canvas, trying to catch his breath. Lightning-quick, Speede grabs Scarecrow by the head with one hand and throws a series of jabs with the other, drawing him away from the ropes. Slowly, the Inveterate One gets to his knees.
Speede throws a waistlock on Scarecrow, still dazed from the flurry of fists. He lifts -- but Scarecrow resists, and counters with a spinebuster! Meanwhile, Reb has gotten up and is quickly climbing the turnbuckle. He takes a second to steady himself, looks down at his opponents, and leaps off. His body twists in midair, a graceful arc.
Gravedigger: Beautiful corkscrew splash from the Inveterate Confederate! And Scarecrow rolls out of the way at the last possible second, leaving Roy Speede to take the full impact! That's two hundred five pounds times thirty-two feet per second -- which is painful enough, but you add in that extra torque from the corkscrew and it's like getting run over by a freight train!
Zach Davis: I'm not sure that's accurate...
Gravedigger: It's science, Zach. Science! And science doesn't lie! Reb goes for a pin, but the Scarecrow isn't going to let that happen!
Scarecrow lifts Reb easily and whips him toward the ropes. Johnny rebounds with a shoulder block -- but the impact only sends 'Crow back a few steps. Johnny moves away, seeking the ropes again, but Scarecrow grabs a wrist and pulls him into a short-arm clothesline, then follows up fast, planting Reb on the mat with a brainbuster.
Freddy Whoa: And down goes Reb! Scarecrow covers -- but wait! Roy Speede is back in the game! Legdrop off the ropes, and the pinfall is broken! Reb gets up! Scarecrow gets up! Everybody's throwing punches! It's chaos!
Referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy circles the competitors, telling them to break it off, threatening to disqualify everyone. The crowd drowns him out. A chant of "LET THEM FIGHT!" breaks out.
A step-up enzuigiri from Speede puts Reb on the canvas again, and effectively ends the brawl. Dazed, Johnny lies there, one arm and leg dangling over the ring apron, while Speede and Scarecrow face off. Speede launches a spinning roundhouse kick; Scarecrow dodges and catches the leg, then shoves hard. Speede hits the mat, but bounces right back up. Scarecrow is waiting for him, and nails him with an exploder suplex!
At the sound of a sharp whistle, Scarecrow turns around -- just as the Inveterate Confederate jumps off the ropes with a fist drop. He follows up with a drop toe hold into a Boston crab.
Zach Davis: There's a little Southern Hospitality for Cory Scarecrow! And Johnny locks it in, wrenching those leg joints as hard as he can! Scarecrow strains for the ropes, but Reb is vicious tonight! Is there no help for the widow's son?
The audience gets behind their antihero, pounding on the crowd barrier as they call his name, urging him to persevere. Scarecrow seems to take strength from the cheers of the people. A deep breath, and he surges forward, breaking Johnny's iron grip to seize hold of the ropes. As Johnny Reb tries to recover his balance, he stumbles right into the waiting arms of Roy Speede, who uses Reb's momentum to nail a spinning fisherman suplex.
Freddy Whoa: Fast Forward! Roy Speede is on fire tonight! Now he's going after Cory Scarecrow! A dropkick from Speede sends Scarecrow to the outside! And Reb is up again, but looking a little bit out of it. Speede takes a run at Johnny -- who grabs the top rope and drops down. Speede tumbles out of the ring!
Reb leans over the ropes and looks at his opponents, smiling as he taunts them. Weary of Johnny's antics, Scarecrow climbs up onto the ring apron, grabs Reb in a headlock, turns, and proceeds to stunner him on the ropes. Instead of letting go right away, Scarecrow hangs on, while Johnny's face works its way through shades of red that gradually deepen to purplish-blue.
Gravedigger: Hey! That's not right! Scarecrow is choking the life out of the Champ! Where's the ref?
As if on cue, Spanky O'Shaughnessy steps up and warns 'Crow to release Reb. Scarecrow ignores him; so the referee begins to count....
At last, Scarecrow lets go of Reb, who hangs limply over the ropes. Scarecrow nudges him... and Johnny falls over backward.
Zach Davis: This could be over! Johnny Reb is unconscious -- or possibly dead, we can't be sure. Referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy checking on him now. He lifts Reb's hand... and it drops. A second time....is he? .... no, it drops again. If Johnny Reb can't continue, it's down to Scarecrow and Speede for the People's Championship...
The ref lifts Johnny's hand for a third time. For a third time, it begins to fall -- but then, miraculously, Reb's hand stays in the air! A moment later, the rest of him rises from the mat. Anger flashes in those blue-green eyes as he focuses on the Scarecrow; who is now engaged in a back-and-forth struggle with Roy Speede.
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb looks like he's about to make this pay per view live up to its name! Scarecrow has gotten the better of him the last few times they've met in the ring, and now Reb is looking for some Payback!
Johnny runs across the ring to hit the ropes, bounces off, and comes running at the two combatants. He drops Speede with a clothesline, then turns on Scarecrow with a knife edge chop, followed by another, then another -- until he backs Scarecrow into a corner. Johnny steps onto the middle turnbuckle and starts raining punches down on his opponent, face twisted in rage and fury. Scarecrow slumps down under the onslaught. Reb goes for a sunset flip; but 'Crow counters with a Samoan drop!
Freddy Whoa: That was a desperation move there. These men have got to be getting tired, and now it's starting to show.
Gravedigger: They'd better pay attention. Speed might be a one trick pony, but the man does not stay down.
Not yet finished with Johnny Reb, Scarecrow pulls the Inveterate One back to his feet and nails him with an Omega driver. But Speede comes out of nowhere with a waistlock. Scarecrow counters with a series of elbows to Speede's head, until he lets go. Then 'Crow spins Speede around and doubles him over with a knee to the midsection. Securing Speede's arms around his own legs, Scarecrow lifts him so that Speede's knees are hooked over his shoulders. And then he drops forward, flattening Roy Speede on the canvas.
Zach Davis: CROW CLASH!! HE'S DONE IT! Cory Scarecrow just took Roy Speede down! Now he hooks the leg... and here's the count!
Johnny Reb, just recovered, rushes toward the pair in an attempt to break up the pin -- but he's just a split second too late.
Freddy Whoa: SCARECROW WINS! CORY SCARECROW IS THE NEW WCF PEOPLE'S CHAMPION!
"Red Right Hand" begins to play over the PA system as the ref hands the People's Title off to Scarecrow. Still on his knees, he clutches it to his chest, breathing hard with exertion. Roy Speede gets to his feet and extends a hand to Scarecrow. After a moment's hesitation, 'Crow allows Speede to assist him to a standing position. He raises his hand in victory, drawing a cheer from the crowd.
Retreating to the stage, Johnny Reb pauses to look back, his face a twisted mask of barely-controlled anger.
Zach Davis: Are you ready guys? Been waiting all month for this and we finally get to find out who our musical halftime guest is.
Freddy Whoa: Snoop Dog, Taylor Swift, The Black Keyes?! Who could it be?!
The Blue Dawns "I've Seen The Signs" hits the speakers.
Zach Davis: BUAH GAWD ITS THE HOTDOG KINGS! HALFTIME 3:16! HALFTIME 3:16!
The Hotdog Kings walk out onto the ramp escorting a slightly drunken Seth Lerch. We say slightly drunken because Seth Lerch is literally naked, except for a hotdog bun covering his privates and nipples. Camera shots so members of the audience covering their eyes.
Freddy Whoa: What the whoa?!
Zach Davis: It's Seth Lerch, our WCF owner, wearing a hotdog bikini!
Logan gives Lerch a pat on the butt and there Seth goes, strutting down the ramp, stumbling every so often. Seth Lerch has a hotdog shaped microphone in his hand, and he slides into the ring as the Hotdog Kings remain on the stage at the top of the ramp. Inside the ring, Seth Lerch raises the hotdog microphone to his mouth for a puzzled audience. The camera censoring his naked cheeks as he sings into it.
Seth Lerch: Hit it!
A beat begins playing on the speakers.
Seth Lerch: I kissed a boy and I liked it, the taste of his mustard chapstick!
The audience... CHEERS.
Seth Lerch: I kissed a boy just to try it. I hope Torture doesn't mind it.
Lerch shoots a wink to Logan.
Seth Lerch: It felt so wrong.
Lerch climbs the turnbuckle, really getting into it, shaking his bun bra.
Seth Lerch: It felt so right. Don't mean I'm in love tonight!
He hops down, stumbling backwards and falling over face down onto the rings surface. Somehow, he managed to hold onto the hotdog microphone, as he continues singing while humping the ring.
Gravedigger: Oh my God he's humping the ring now.
Seth Lerch: I kissed a boy and I liked it! Ohhh and I liked it!
The beat stops, and Seth Lerch stands, dropping the microphone and cutting a very dramatic pose. The audience pops.
Freddy Whoa: What's wrong with this crowd?!
Zach Davis: THEY JUST WITNESSED THE GREATEST HALFTIME SHOW IS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM! OH MY GUAD!
We cut to a commercial.
Kyle Steel: The following match is scheduled for one-fall!
The lights shine at their absolute brightest for a few seconds but then all go off together. We then hear the sound of an early warning siren and a couple of red searchlights slowly move throughout the arena. On the screen is the word “WARNING” in red bold letters on a black background. We hear terrified screams and the deafening sounds of fighter jets flying overhead mixed with the sound of missiles being fired. These continue for about a minute until they suddenly fall silent. We hear a voice of authority speak.
Voice: We have failed. The monster lives on.
We hear nothing else and the spotlights stop shining leaving the arena in darkness and silence. After another minute we then hear the faint sound of a drum beating. This gradually gets louder. The titantron flickers a couple of times and we see a logo with “Occulo Extermination Squad” written on it. We then see twelve beams of light shine from the ceiling of the arena down into the four corners of the ring, the four corners outside the ring and the four corners of the stage. We see twelve men on the rafters in black trousers, and black body armour with the logo on it. They let ropes down and parasail down into the arena. They unhook themselves and let the ropes spring back up to the ceiling. They stand in their corners staring at each other for a few seconds before talking out walkie talkies.
Men: The Monster is coming.
The beams of light immediately shut off and the arena is then fully lit by Occulo’s bright lights. For the Love of Life by David Sylvian plays as the crowd absolutely erupts as their eyes adjust. Occulo appears in the crowd wearing a black t-shirt with the logo on it over his usual attire. He makes his way through the crowd receiving support and pats on the back from the fans. He climbs over the barrier and into the ring. He then looks at each man in the ring and nods, dismissing them. They leave through the crowd in different directions and Occulo requests a microphone.
Occulo: American Airlines, Miami. Do you fear the Monster?
The crowd erupt and shout
Occulo grins and rests on the ropes
Occulo: There is no Monster without fear. Come at me Oblivion. Let me complete your rapture.
The house lights go out, as lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around a jam packed arena. The fans are holding up various signs. The atmosphere is explosive and some of the crowd is cheering. While, the rest, of the crowd are booing. "Breathe" by Prodigy begins to play. The bass like synth begin to blare out. 14 seconds later the drums come through...
BREATHE WITH ME!!
The house lights go out. The crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. Two bright spotlights hit the entrance stage. The music continues to thump. Some of the fans are thrashing and/or dancing a long with the music...
Explosive fire pyro shoots straight up, on the stage and down the ramp. Then right about that time, Oblivion slowly slinks out wearing gray stone colored psuedo-armor. The music continues the blare out and rattled the arena.
Breathe the pressure
Come play my game Ill test ya
Psychosomatic addict insane
There are twelve HUGE muscular individuals on each side of the entrance ramp. They look like as if they were carved out of stone. They are wearing leather armor and they have their left arm across on their chests. They hold, at an angle a long metal spear. As Oblivion walks down the ramp, The "Monster Troop" roars out...
Monster Troop: AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO!!
Each time they roar out, they slam down their spears. The sounds echo throughout the arena.
Freddy Whoa: Whooooooooaa.
Zach Davis: Exactly.
The cameraman gets real close, as Oblivion gives the camera an instant cold hard, but brief stare. Oblivion continues to walk down the ramp. until IT gets to the bottom, of the ramp. The Monster thrusts out IT's massive right arm into the air. Lightning strike fill the American Airlines Arena. Thunder rolls.
Monster Troop: AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO... AH-WHOO!!
Each time they roar out, they slam down their spears. The sounds echo throughout the arena.
Gravedigger: Oblivion means business!!
The Monster slowly comes down to the ring. Strobe lights continue to flash. Then the arena slightly shakes, as the sound of thunder continues to rumble and mock lightning continues to flash. The majority, of the crowd, jump.
Come play my game
Inhale, inhale, you're the victim!!
Come play my game
Exhale, exhale... EXHA-A-A-LE!!
The music continues to thump out of the arena's speakers, as the addictive rhythm has the entire crowd in a trance and continues to dance along with the music. Lightning strikes the four corners, of the ring. The loud sounds makes everyone jump out of their seats, once again. Some, of the people are scared out of their minds. The lights flicker then... POP!! The strobe lights go out!!
The house lights come on, then standing in the center of the ring, is Oblivion. Half the crowd is cheering, while the other half of the crowd is booing. The music fades out. A screeching sound echoes throughout the arena, as four lightning bolts strike each corner.
Kyle Steel is also in the ring with a microphone.
Kyle Steel: This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Washington DC…weighing in at 220lbs…Occulo!!
The crowd cheer rapturously in support of Occulo, who raises a hand in reciprocation.
Kyle Steel: And his opponent, from…weighing in at 305 pounds, from the deepest, darkest part of a sick man's psyche...... O-O-O-OBLI-I-IVI-I-I-I-O-O-O-O-NN-N-NN-N!!!
The crowd boo and jeer at him, which draws a sharp smile from the Monster.
Freddy Whoa: This is going to be an epic battle
Zach Davis: A battle for the ages. Occulo fighting for the people who won’t tolerate the monster’s actions anymore
Gravedigger: Rip his fucking head off Oblivion!
The referee immediately gets out of the two men’s way. Occulo slowly walks forward, staring into Oblivion’s eyes. He stops until there is only about an inch gap between them. They both stand staring daggers into each other’s souls.
Occulo: What do you see monster?
Oblivion doesn’t respond, instead he just smiles sharply again
The crowd cheer in excitement. Good vs Evil. Man vs Monster. They remain staring into each other’s eyes. Neither of them blink. Neither of them show a single inkling of distraction.
Occulo: Fight me, Stephan
Occulo breaks the deadlock and starts to land punches to Oblivion’s face. They all connect, but the Monster remains standing, not even staggering back. He just stands and takes the punches. Occulo runs across the ring and bounces off the ropes. He hits Oblivion with a clothesline but just bounces off him. Occulo lands on his feet and stands about a foot away from him.
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion not budging an inch here!
Zach Davis: It’s the classic story. Get the beast off his feet. It’s the only way Occulo’s gonna win!
Gravedigger: That was an absolutely pathetic little melee from Occulo.
Occulo goes to land another melee but Oblivion grabs Occulo’s arm. He headbutts him and then floors him with a standing clothesline. Occulo crashes to the mat and holds the back of his head, which bounced off the canvas. Oblivion doesn’t give him any time to rest though, and instead stomps Occulo repeatedly. He then lifts him to his feet and then slams him to the mat again with a scoop slam.
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion in complete control here. Occulo may have the wind knocked out of him already!
Oblivion lifts Occulo up by the throat and grins at him. He then plants him to the mat with another scoop slam, before squashing his neck with a guillotine leg drop.
Zach Davis: Jesus. Occulo’s going to struggle to breathe after that. It’s over.
Gravedigger: What a beast.
Occulo splutters and rolls over to his side. His fans are quiet, desponded at what they are seeing.
Oblivion smiles and lifts Occulo up by his throat again. This time with two hands, before almost making a crater in the ring with a two-handed chokebomb. Occulo’s head snaps back and his face almost goes blue as he is brutally winded.
Freddy Whoa: Well we saw in the week his manager John Mullins telling him that his stamina was going to be a major focal point in his training. I guess we’ll see how well that went.
Zach Davis: I dunno, I think this match is coming to an end.
Gravedigger: He ain’t done yet. Occulo’s still alive.
Oblivion drops to his knees and mounts Occulo, before pounding him with lefts and rights. It doesn’t take long for Occulo to start bleeding from the nose. This pounding continues. The referee points at Oblivion and threatens to disqualify him. He starts to count.
Oblivion relents and gets to his feet. Occulo lays motionless, his face awash with blood. The referee tends to Occulo and asks him if he wants to give up. He shakes his head as Oblivion pushes the ref out of the way and lands another guillotine leg drop, this one on Occulo’s ribs.
Freddy Whoa: Ouch. Fuck. Come on Occulo!
Zach Davis: The referee should stop this. Why bother trying to compromise with Oblivion?
Gravedigger: Would you two shut up? Oblivion is going to destroy Occulo slowly and systematically.
Occulo splutters again and rolls onto his front. He pushes himself up and Oblivion rests his massive boot on his head. He lifts it up and slams Occulo’s face into the mat with it. The ref tells Oblivion to pin Occulo but he just stands and laughs at him. The ref shakes his head and goes down to check on Occulo. Oblivion again pushes the ref away and lifts Occulo to his feet. He pushes him into a standing position in the corner, takes a few steps back and then lands a high knee in Occulo’s face, before planting him to the mat again with a running bulldog.
Freddy Whoa: Running bulldog by Oblivion who is not letting the referee check on Occulo’s health here. He knows the ref will probably end the match if he does, and he just wants to hurt Occulo as much as possible
Zach Davis: Occulo’s a dead weight now. Is he even conscious?
Gravedigger: Nope. Dead.
John Mullins climbs over the barrier and towards the announce table. He grabs a chair and a headset.
Mullins: Shut the fuck up you pathetic set of cunts. My Son hasn’t given up yet. Flash gave him worse.
Freddy Whoa: I’m sorry John but I just don’t see him getting up and winning this I mean look at him.
Mullins: I can see him. He’s fine. Don’t worry. What wears you out is numerous small attacks over time, Occulo can take these slams. Just watch.
Oblivion grabs Occulo’s head and pulls it back so we can see his face. His eyes are closed and isn’t showing any signs of life. He lets go and his head flops back down. He rolls him over and lands one last guillotine legdrop, this one on Occulo’s neck again. He covers and the ref drops…
Freddy Whoa: Finally. That’s it.
John Mullins: Come on Son…
Gravedigger: An easy win for-
Kickout!! The crowd erupt into ecstasy as Occulo gets a shoulder up. Oblivion angrily gets up and pushes the ref again. Occulo rolls out of the ring and lands on the floor.
Freddy Whoa: How did he…
Zach Davis: What resilience by Occulo! Aren’t you going to go and give him a pep talk John?
John Mullins: No. No need to. He knows exactly what to do. He knows how we are going to beat him.
Occulo gets to his feet and spits on the floor. He then slaps himself across the face and climbs up onto the apron, and then the turnbuckle. Oblivion turns around just as Occulo leaps off, but Oblivion lands an absolutely murderous punch straight into Occulo’s gut in midair causing him to just lifelessly slump onto Oblivion, who lifts Occulo up onto his shoulders and powerbombs him to the mat with the ‘Falling Doctor’. The crowd fall silent and rest their hands on their heads. Devastated looks on their faces.
Freddy Whoa: Damn! Well…that’s it.
Zach Davis: It was a decent attempt by Occulo but Oblivion is a monster out for revenge. There’s no stopping that
Gravedigger: Excellent, world class performance by the monster.
John Mullins: He’ll kick out. I assure you.
Oblivion pins Occulo with one foot as the ref drops again
Freddy Whoa: …
Zach Davis: …
Gravedigger: Fuck off
John Mullins: Good boy
Occulo’s shoulder is raised and he grabs Oblivion’s foot, and in one swift twist, the Monster falls to the mat in agony clutching his ankle. The crowd erupt again, and Occulo has bought some much needed time for rest.
Freddy Whoa: This, is unbelievable.
Zach Davis: It was almost as if Occulo was waiting for Oblivion to show that arrogance by pinning him like that so he could finally put a dent in his armour
Gravedigger: Yeah right. I highly doubt that was planned
John Mullins just smiles as Occulo lays on the mat facing the ceiling.
Crowd: Occ-u-lo!! Occ-u-lo!! Occ-u-lo!!
Oblivion clutches his ankle and sits in the corner.
Freddy Whoa: I think Oblivion is in a combination of shock and agony at the moment
John Mullins: Oblivion hit him with attacks that only knock the wind out of you. My boy is attacking Oblivion’s very anatomy. Who is looking the more damaged now? He’ll take a few deep breaths and get to his feet. Oblivion’s got a damaged ankle. I told you my Son would be fine.
Occulo uses the ropes to right himself and he stands at the turnbuckle. He takes a few deep breaths and runs at Oblivion, driving his knee into his skull. He runs back to the opposite turnbuckle and does this again. And again. He then pulls Oblivion to the center of the ring and grabs his ankle. He then lays on the floor, twisting it with all his might. Oblivion screams in agony.
Freddy Whoa: My god how the tables have turned here!
Zach Davis: Occulo looking for the submission win here! Come on!!
Gravedigger: Damn it Oblivion come on man!
John Mullins: Press. Press. Press.
Press indeed, Occulo presses against the ankle further and further. Oblivion stretches for the ropes but is unable to budge. With his other foot he manages to land a kick into Occulo’s gut causing him to loosen the grip. Oblivion slithers free and clutches his ankle again. Occulo angrily shakes his head and again grabs the ankle and twists it. This time though Oblivion is quick enough to grab a rope. Occulo immediately lets go and grabs both of his legs, pulling him back to the center. He bounces off the ropes and hits Oblivion with the Subliminal Message!!
Freddy Whoa: Yes! He got him!
Zach Davis: Subliminal Message connects! Could it be?
Occulo rolls the brute over and hooks a leg. The ref drops.
Freddy Whoa: He got out of it!!
Zach Davis: The Monster lives on
Gravedigger: A’da boy!!
John Mullins: Damn it. Come on Son keep going.
Occulo gets up and bounces off the ropes, Oblivion also gets up and catches Occulo in his momentum, slamming Occulo down with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He covers and the ref drops.
Occulo keeps the match alive!
Oblivion gets Occulo to his feet and motions to the crowd that this ends now. He grabs Occulo by the throat again with both hands and lifts him up, but Occulo lifts his feet up and presses them into Oblivion’s face. He then lets both legs drop, and with one he punts the underside of Oblivion’s head, almost kicking his Adam’s apple through the top of his skull. Oblivion immediately releases him, coughing up blood and gasping uncontrollably. Occulo drives his elbow into his throat, bounces off the ropes and then slams Oblivion’s face into the mat as he lands a somersault.
Freddy Whoa: Yes!! The Oesophagus Bureau!! My God what a kick before that, he nearly took his head off!!
Zach Davis: I can’t imagine how much that must have hurt. Jesus.
Gravedigger: He’ll kick out before the 2 count. Easily!!
John Mullins: Bodybags on deck, cocksucker
Occulo bounces off the ropes and hits another Subliminal Message!! The crowd erupt with excitement and count with the referee
Ding ding ding!!
The entire arena stand in sheer ovation and jubilance. Occulo had beaten the monster. John Mullins is on his feet at ringside applauding.
Kyle Steel: Here is your winner….Occulo!!
Oblivion may be defeated but he's not done yet. As the referee raises Occulo's arm, Oblivion lariats him from behind! The fans boo as Oblivion lifts Occulo up and grabs Occulo again by the throat with both hands and squeezes tightly. Occulo grabs his hands and tries to prize them open, but is unable to. He goes limper and limper until his arms just flop down. Oblivion then puts Occulo on his shoulders and throws him over the top rope in front of John Mullins. He himself climbs through the ropes, across the apron and up the turnbuckle. The referee grabs Oblivion and tries to coax him down, Oblivion does get down but gives the ref a hard right hook, knocking him out. He grins widely and roars at the crowd before escaping the ring and folding up a steel chair, which he positions so the side is pressing against Occulo’s throat.
Freddy Whoa: No…no no! Someone do somethi- John do something!!
John Mullins: ….
Oblivion makes eye contact with Mullins and doesn’t break it as he again ascends the turnbuckle.
Freddy Whoa: John for fuck sake!! Help your Son out here!!
John Mullins: …
Oblivion shrugs and leaps off the turnbuckle, his leg crashing into the steel chair which rams into Occulo’s throat, who coughs up a glob of mucus and blood. A referee bounds down the ramp and circles the ring. Oblivion stands back as he tends to Occulo.
Freddy Whoa: Holy shit. We need some damn medical staff down here!
Zach Davis: Fuck…
Occulo continues to cough up blood.
John Mullins stares at Oblivion who is giggling uncontrollably. Occulo’s fans have great concern on their faces. A couple of younger ones are in tears as Occulo is equipped with a neck brace and put on a stretcher.
Zach Davis: Come on! The match is over!
Gravedigger: I don't think that action was enough for Oblivion.
As Gravedigger was speaking, Oblivion already went down to one knee, in a corner. As The Monster was kneeling, catching IT's breath, The God of Insanity stares daggers towards Occulo.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! If looks could kill. Occulo would be a dead man!!
Occulo gets tired of looking at Oblivion, Occulo turns around. Oblivion charges towards the Washington, D.C. resident.
Zach Davis: NO!! NO! NOOOOO!!!
Oblivion knocks down Occulo, from behind with a double fist to the back of the head. The Monster grabs Occulo and proceeds to put the eyes, of Occulo, against the top ring rope. The Monster presses down on the back of the head of Occulo, as he drages the face across the ring rope. Occulo scrams out with anguish.
Oblivion snaps a right jab into the jaw of Occulo. The Monster takes Occulo and places the right side, of the neck, against the top rope. Oblivion IT's right arm under the bootom top ring rope and places IT's left forearm against the left side, of the neck.
Zach Davis: OBLIVION IS CHOKING THE LIFE, OUT OF OCCULO!!!
Occulo is screaming and choking.
Oblivion: THAT'S RIGHT BITCH... SCREAM!! SCREAM AS IF YOUR LIFE REALLY MEANT SOMETHING!! SCREAM IF YOU WANT ALL THIS TO END!! YOU SHOULD OF KEPT YOUR NOSE ABOUT IT'S.... OUR BUSINESS!!
Oblivion let's go, of the choke and yanks on the rope, sending Occulo backwards. Oblivion proceeds to leave the ring.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! THIS IS BRUTAL!!! OBLIVION HAS WARNED OCCULO BEFORE!!!
Gravedigger: This is your standard, everyday reaction from Oblivion. You get in IT's way. This Monster will run over you.
Zach Davis: Isn't that what Oblivion did to you, a couple of times, Gravedigger?
Gravedigger: No comment.
Oblivion walks over in between the commentary table and time keeper's assigned area.
Zach Davis: WATCH OUT, KYLE STEEL!!
Freddy Whoa: No kidding. The Monster is on a mission, tonight!!
Oblivion pushes Kyle Steel out of the way and grabs for a chair and quickly re enters the ring. Occulo slowly stands up. The Monster whistles, Occulo turns around....
Gravedigger: That was one bonafide homerun swing with that chair!!!
Oblivion cracks a swinging chair against the skull of Occulo, knocking him down to the mat.
Zach Davis: Oblivion jabs the end, of that damn chair against the head and ribs, of Occulo!!
Oblivion walks over and demands for a mic.
The God of Insanity walks over to the fallen Occulo and...
The sound of the mic striking against the skull of Occulo, echos throughout the American Airlines Arena. Oblivion unfolds the chair and places the chair over the neck and chest of Occulo.
Oblivion: SCARECROW!! SCARECROW, WHERE YOU AT BITCH?! WHERE YOU AT!! COME SAVE OCCULO!! IT DARES YA!! IT DOUBLE DOG DARES YA!!
Occulo is trying to catch his breath.
Zach Davis: Occulo is having a hard time breathing, with that chair over his throat.
Oblivion: Occulo!! Occulo!! Don't you dare pass out on me! Occulo, that's right squirm, scream. Beg for mercy!! Call out for Scarecrow!! Scream for him, bitch!! Scream out for your little buddy!! Oh... that's RIGHT, you can't SCREAM!! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!! IT told you not to mess with a Monster!! IT told you that and now, look at where you are at now!! On your back, with a chair across your throat. PRETTY PATHETIC!! LLOKS LIKE NO ONE IS GONNA SAVE YOU!! NOT.... EVEN... SCARECROW....
Zach Davis: For gawds sake, somebody stop this!
DING! DING! DING! The ringside bell keeps ringing as Oblivion swats away a plethora of security personal. Meanwhile, Occulo uses the ropes to prop himself up after the initial chair shots that blind sided him; wiping a curtain of blood from his eyes as his legs begin to regain their strength.
Gravedigger: You mess with a bull like Obi, you get the horns.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!
Oblivion cannons onto the ring, ploughing through security with a chair as Occulo ducks and rolls, goes for a front dropkick, but IT puts on the breaks and dodges the attack.
Zach Davis: Got a lot of heart this kid.
WHACK! Obi catches a prone Occulo with a sickening chair shot!
Gravedigger: Yeah, and it’s about to be ripped from his chest!
Oblivion snarls as IT drops the chair, raising IT’s arms above IT. IT begins to chant an incantation in a strange tongue beneath IT’s breath. The house lights dim.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Oblivion’s calling down the evil!
Gravedigger: Here come the vixens!
Six Vixens emerge from the shadows, moving menacingly amongst the screaming crowd. Arms like tendrils as they push fans aside, navigating their way to ringside and surrounding the squared circle.
Zach Davis: Occulo is still trying to regain his footing, if those vixens rush the ring; he could be torn to pieces!
Gravedigger: I hope I get an eye, make a cool key ring.
The Vixens enter the ring as a smiling Oblivion takes a few steps back, intent on enjoying the spectacle. The vixens circling, Occulo!
A stray vixen motions towards Oblivion, she’s wearing a hood to hide her features, she strokes IT’s shoulders, IT cranks IT’s head towards her as:
THE VIXEN LOW BLOWS OBLIVION!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!
IT keels over in pain as the Vixen rolls out of the ring and disappears back into the crowd, hightailing it out of sight!
Zach Davis: What the hell did we just see?
Gravedigger: A distraction, look!
Scarecrow cannons over the barrier and slides into the ring! He’s dressed in full ring attire and ready for battle!
Zach Davis: It’s the Scarecrow! The Murder Machine is here!
Crowd: SCARECROW! SCARECROW! SCARECROW! SCARECROW!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!
KICK-WHAM MURDER OF CROWS on the vixens! They topple like dominos.
Zach Davis: The Vixens have been murdered! Scarecrow’s totally decimated them!
Gravedigger: He’s going for the Crowbreaker!
Scarecrow wraps his large hand around the throat of Oblivion, lifts IT up, holds IT there!
Zach Davis: Incredible display of strength from the Scarecrow!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! He’s squeezing the life out of the monster!
Zach Davis: Crowbreaker from hell on Oblivion!
Scarecrow roars as the arena lights dim, we hear the sound of ticking clocks grow and multiply, then warp and fracture as:
Zach Davis: Here comes Johnny Reb! Occulo and Scarecrow are really taking it to Oblivion! Wait... hang on! There's some kind of disturbance in the crowd. I think it's... Yes!! IT IS! It's Johnny Reb! Or... the Dark Timekeeper, I guess. Anyway, Reb just launched himself over the barricade, and he's going straight for Scarecrow!
Johnny Reb grabs Scarecrow's shoulder and spins him around so they're face to face.
Dark Johnny: Hey, that's my bread and butter you're fucking with!
Dark Johnny swings a wide haymaker. Scarecrow ducks and rams a shoulder into Reb's midsection.
Gravedigger: The "Murder Machine" is trying to set Johnny Reb for a suplex.
Johnny slips a leg behind Scarecrow's knee.
Freddy Whoa: Suplex attempt denied!!
Johnny Reb elbows Scarecrow in the head repeatedly. Reb shoves a dazed Scarecrow away and sends him stumbling toward a waiting Oblivion.
Zach Davis: Scarecrow is shoved towards Oblivion.
God of Insanity catches Scarecrow with a double leg pickup, grabbing for his head....
Gravedigger: BLACK HOLE!!
Reb pounces on a fallen Occulo, raining punches down with primal fury born of millenia spent in a discorporate state. Then, still unsatisfied, Johnny hauls Occulo to his feet, taking just a moment to look him in the eye, before he whips Occulo into the steel barrier. Rage yet unspent, Johnny puts a hand on the back of Occulo's neck and guides him toward the ring... and bashes Occulo's head against the ringpost!
Johnny releases his grip and watches as Scarecrow is dropped by Oblivion. He looks down, expression contemptuous, and spits at the fallen Occulo. Momentarily sated, Reb moves to inside the ring and walks to Oblivion's side...
Zach Davis: The Chrono-Rippers are foul disgusting creatures!!
Oblivion and Johnny Reb, raise their arms to the thunderous boos from the WCF Universe.
Freddy Whoa: Who can stop these men?
The lights go out in the arena out of nowhere. The audience perks up at the sudden interruption of the show.
Zach Davis: What's going on?
Freddy Whoa: Did we forget to pay the light bill again? That's on you, Davis.
An intense beam of light shoots from the middle of the ramp that illuminates the entire stage. The jumbotron comes on. A man in a long, flowing gold robe slowly walks into view. He looks around at the audience with an arrogant air and a haughty sneer on his face. He walks down the ramp with his nose up in the air while getting into the ring.
Zach Davis: This must be the new wrestler here in the WCF.
Freddy Whoa: He has a lot of balls to interrupt a PPV. I can respect that.
The man walks over to the ropes and demands a microphone. He looks around before speaking, waiting for the audience to quiet down so they hear and hang on every word he says.
Reginald Dampshaw III: My name....is Reginald Dampshaw III. I have come here from my home in Ryde, Isle of Wight to try my hand at wrestling here in the WCF...Listen to me using such an irrelevant word as try. A Dampshaw does not need try. Allow you to give you all a history lesson.
The audience begins getting restless as they are here to see wrestling, not hear a history lesson.
Reginald Dampshaw III: You shut your filthy swine mouths! How dare you show such disrespect to me! I come from a long lineage of warriors and kings. I was born into being a warrior. You can see me and see how well dressed I am, how much better off financially than all of you peasants, but make no mistake, you turn your back on a Dampshaw, you shan't see the light of day again.
The audience boos louder at Dampshaw's sheer cockiness, especially as before a few moments ago, no one ever heard of him. Dampshaw seems shaken by the growing negative reaction to him, but he collects himself to continue to carry on the superior attitude.
Reginald Dampshaw III: You can continue to open your disgusting lips, but it matters not. Put any peasant before me and I will conquer them. This is supposed to be a big night for WCF? Well it cannot be so big if Reginald Dampshaw III is not wrestling on it. I expect some competition soon. Do not make me wait....Good day.
Reginald gives the microphone back and leaves the ring. He continues to walk back up the ramp, not even giving the audience any attention, completely into himself.
Zach Davis: I'm sorry, but who does this Reginald Dampshaw III think he is? He shows up out of nowhere and demands some competition? How dare he!
Freddy Whoa: I told you, Davis, he's got balls. He's not waiting for his opportunities. But if he wants competition, he better be careful what he wishes for, and quick.
Kyle Steel: The following match is HARDCORE RULES... and it is for the WCF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP!
Freddy Whoa: Man, I'm looking forward to this one.
Gravedigger: Always great to see my man Steve Orbit run through a couple of clowns.
"Slay IT" by Cryptex begins instantly at the 43 second mark. 'SLAY IT', and then the beat drops. "Dan" fades onto the screen above stage and holds for three seconds, followed by a crossfade into "Van" for another three, and then "Slade" ends it with a final three second hold. The beautifully orchestrated theme by Cryptex engulfs the arena and at about twelve seconds into the vanity appears "Devious" Dan Van Slade who whips the curtain behind him and hurries to the stage. The superstar stops at the edge of the ramp and initiates the SUPER DEVIANT super pose as he is introduced by the ring announcer.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen - heading to the ring and weighing in at 251 pounds...he is from MISSOULA...
Steel stops for a brief moment and notices a strike through Missoula, Montana, on his card. He corrects himself.
Van Slade holds his pose; shirtless in bright red trunks on light blue tights with red leather boots laced to the lower knee and blue elbow pads.
Kyle Steel: ...The hippest planet in the souler system - PLANET HIPTON...
The Super Deviant ends his pose and points to his left, and then to the right; he lifts his head and closes his eyes. Pyrotechnics are showcased behind him with a row of flames shooting from the stage floor, and a shower of bright sparks pouring from the rafters above.
Kyle Steel: ...THE SUPER DEVIANT...DEVIOUS...DAN...VAN...SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!
The pompous introduction comes to a halt, but the epic theme continues as Van Slade arrogantly treks down the ramp with his sights set on the wrestling ring. The devious performer talks with himself while shouting crude remarks toward the crowd. He stops mid-way and then jets toward the ring. He slides underneath the bottom rope until he anchors himself into the center of the squared-circle. He slowly moves to his feet and stares into the crowd with determined eyes and a sadistic grin. His battle tune fades.
Zach Davis: DVS has impressed, week in and week out. He earned this Hardcore title shot back in November on the last WCF Wednesday Night, winning a newcomer Torneo Cibernetico-- and he hasn't slowed down since.
Freddy Whoa: A lot of people are saying that Van Slade is a real threat to Orbit's title here tonight.
Gravedigger: Please, Freddy. Don't be ridiculous, this is STEVE ORBIT you're talking about.
The subtle guitar screeches and ominous bass drum beats of "Raining Blood" by Slayer flood the arena, hushing the crowd as the arena lights dim. The drums beat, and fiery-orange uplights flash up to the beat. The anticipation builds as the seconds pass. Then, the hard thrash guitar roars to life as a renewed gout of fiery orange orange spotlights flare around the stadium, spinning not unlike warning lights.
Crowd: HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen! On his way to the ring! Standing at six feet three inches...
Just as all this is happening Maelstrom appears, wearing a dark metallic chrome mantle with flame pipes and spikes rising from his shoulders.
Crowd: HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Kyle Steel: ...weighing in at three hundred pounds, he is the Nickel City Nightmare, the Innovator of Intimidation...
He marches to the ring with purpose, hands out to brush the outstretched fingers of the fans on both sides. He stops short of the ring and turns to the crowd, pausing a moment. Then he rears back and roars to the heavens as twin ten-foot jets of fiery blood-red sparks erupt from his shoulders.
Crowd: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Kyle Steel: ...the Human Hellstorm... MAELSTROOOOOOM!
Having discarded his entrance attire he climbs to the second rope. Facing out to the crowd, he first points to the nosebleed seats, and then bowing his head, thumps his fist over his heart in salute to the fans and the arena.
Zach Davis: Maelstrom and DVS have gone back and forth, teaming together and fighting with each other, and it's all led up to tonight.
Freddy Whoa: Van Slade has one-upped Maelstrom at every turn so far, but tonight is different. This is a whole different ball game. PPV main event, WCF championship title on the line... and one hell of a champion thrown in the mix, "The Mack" Steve Orbit.
"I CAN'T STOP-OP-OP-OP-OP-OP..."
The lights dim as "Who Gon Stop Me" by Kanye West & Jay-Z plays over the PA. A pink strobe light flashes rapidly throughout the arena-- pink lasers swirl around the entranceway and eventually converge into a big pink spotlight, as Buddy Roman steps out from behind the curtain, followed by "The Mack" Steve Orbit. Orbit's wearing a long mink over his ring gear, which consists of alligator skin wrestling shorts and matching boots. He's also got his pink hat with a feather, a thick gold chain with a diamond-coated Jesus peice, and a jewel encrusted cane.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring, accompanied by the Father, Buddy Roman... from Oakland, California... weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds... he is the WCF HARDCORE CHAMPION... "THE MACK"... STEVE ORBIT!
Buddy and Orbit embrace in a hug, before Orbit struts towards the ring, followed by Roman, ignoring the boos from the crowd. At ringside, he removes his hat and coat, and kisses the cross on his chain before handing it to Buddy Roman. Upon entering the ring, he climbs one of the turnbuckles and gyrates his hips. "OR-BIT SUCKS" chants can be heard throughout the arena. He climbs down from the turnbuckle and strategizes with Roman in the corner, waiting for the match to start.
Gravedigger: Steve Orbit has held the Hardcore title since Ultimate Showdown, when he dropped the World title to his stablemate, ICE Beckman. Orbit has held WCF gold for nearly his entire three-year career-- between the Hardcore title and his last World title reign, not to mention the Tag belts, he's been holding a title for eleven months.
Freddy Whoa: What else can you say about Steve Orbit? He's consistently great. A fixture in the main event for the last couple years. As you mentioned, he's rarely been seen without a WCF championship. I gotta consider him one of the greatest of all time.
Zach Davis: I don't think you'll find much of an argument there. The question is, will he be able to hold off two hungry challengers here tonight? He doesn't even have to be pinned to lose the title. Hardcore rules, anything can happen.
The ref takes the Hardcore belt from Orbit, raises it in the air, and hands it off before calling for the bell.
DING DING DING
Zach Davis: Here we go!
The three men step out of their corners, waiting for the next man to make a move... finally, DVS and Maelstrom turn and attack Orbit, clubbing him with lefts and rights!
Gravedigger: Come on, that's not fair!
Freddy Whoa: Uh... it's a triple threat, hardcore rules. Everything is fair.
Gravedigger: Cowards. They know they can't handle Orbit without double-teaming him.
They back Orbit into the corner-- but Orbit starts fighting back! Right hand to DVS, kick to Maelstrom's gut-- springboard crossbody to both men!
Gravedigger: HA! This is gonna be a short match. GO MACK!
Orbit rolls off of both men to his feet. DVS gets up--
Freddy Whoa: PIMP SLAP!
Maelstrom gets up--
Freddy Whoa: PIMP SLAP NUMBER TWO!
Orbit is fired up as Maelstrom rolls out of the ring, and DVS gets back to his feet. Orbit catches him with a couple of quick jabs, followed by a dropkick. Back on their feet, Orbit grabs DVS and whips him into the ropes-- DVS reverses, and Orbit goes into the ropes instead. Orbit leapfrogs DVS on the return... but runs right into a chair shot from Maelstrom!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!
Zach Davis: Maelstrom came from out of nowhere with a chair shot from the apron! And things are about to get hardcore, I can feel it.
DVS is wary of Maelstrom, who steps over the top rope into the ring, chair in hand. DVS kicks Maelstrom's leg. He kicks it again, but Maelstrom unloads on him with the chair. A shot over the head, and then across the back. Maelstrom sets up the the chair so it's in the sitting position. He grabs DVS in a standing headscissors. He lifts Maelstrom for the powerbomb... and at the exact moment, Orbit leaps up and grabs DVS' head, for a powerbomb/cutter combination through the chair!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Gravedigger: I think you're going to be saying that a lot during this one.
Zach Davis: That chair is destroyed. Just a pile of twisted metal, from the force of DVS' body crashing down on top of it. He's hurt and it's early in the match. That's not a good sign for him.
Maelstrom and Orbit circle each other while DVS is laid out. They lock up-- Maelstrom with a close headbutt, followed by a front facelock. Orbit twists out of it and puts Maelstrom in a half-nelson, maybe going for the Honey Dip! But Maelstrom hits him with a back elbow, breaking the hold. Maelstrom with a headbutt, followed by another. Orbit is stunned and Maelstrom drops him with a shoulder tackle.
Gravedigger: Van Slade hasn't moved. In a normal match, he'd be done... but in a match like this, he's given time to rest while the other two guys go at it. So many variables in a Triple Threat.
Maelstrom kneels down and grabs Orbit, putting his neck across the bottom rope and choking him out. Orbit tries to resist but Maelstrom is too powerful. Eventually Maelstrom pulls him up and lifts him in a Gorilla press... dropping him right on top of DVS!
Zach Davis: OOF!
Orbit rolls off of DVS, clearly in pain. Maelstrom takes the opportunity to pin DVS.
Freddy Whoa: No! DVS is still alive, he kicks out at two!
Maelstrom pulls up DVS-- but DVS with an elbow to the gut! DVS with a double-leg takedown, followed by a flurry of mounted punches! Orbit gets up and slowly approaches... DVS leaps up and catches Orbit with a knee to the face!
Zach Davis: That knee to the face was VICIOUS!
Gravedigger: Van Slade is back in this thing, in a big way.
DVS rolls out of the ring as Orbit and Maelstrom are on the mat. DVS looks under the ring, and begins tossing items into the ring. Another chair, a kendo stick, a lead pipe... and a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire. He also finds a baseball bat which he holds on to, doing a few practice swings.
Gravedigger: Somebody came prepared.
Orbit has rolled out of the ring on the opposite side, near his personal items. He grabs his pimp cane and crawls back into the ring, laying back down before anyone notices. Maelstrom is up on a knee and he's grabbed the lead pipe. DVS is back in the ring, holding the bat. He and Maelstrom have a staredown... DVS charges and swings the bat, but Maelstrom blocks it with the pipe! DVS tries to overpower Maelstrom, forcing the bat down onto the pipe, but Maelstrom gets up onto his feet. They break and begin swinging their weapons at each other-- DVS swings the bat, Maelstrom ducks. Maelstrom swings the pipe, DVS blocks with the bat. It goes back and forth for a few moments.
Gravedigger: This is a straight-up duel!
Finally, DVS fakes a bat swing, causing Maelstrom to duck-- DVS swings the bat at Maelstrom's hand, forcing him to drop the pipe. Maelstrom yells out in pain, clutching his hand with his other hand. DVS with a sick grin on his face, is about to swing the bat at Maelstrom's head-- but Orbit from behind with the pimp cane! He cracks DVS in the back of the head and then puts the cane across his throat, choking him from behind.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Orbit from outta nowhere!
Gravedigger: What did you think, these new punks had a chance against The Mack?
Orbit really tightens his grip, pulling back on both ends of the cane with his knee in DVS' back. Maelstrom is in the corner, stretching his fingers, selling that his hand may be broken. DVS is fading-- Orbit quickly slips one of his hands underneath DVS' arm, and applies a half nelson--
Zach Davis: HONEY DIP INTO THE TURNBUCKLES!
Orbit rolls to his feet, dropping the cane. He picks up the 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire, and walks over to Maelstrom-- he swings it at his head, but Maelstrom catches it with both of his hands! Maelstrom yells out as one of his hands is still badly hurt. The barbed wire penetrates his skin and blood begins to drip from them. Orbit struggles trying to take the 2x4 back, but Maelstrom won't let go-- adding to the tearing of the flesh in his hands.
Gravedigger: Oh yeah, this is getting good now.
Freddy Whoa: You know, some guys aren't cut out for the Hardcore title. Nobody thought Orbit was "Hardcore" material, but he showed everybody. He elevated the title and brought new meaning to the word "hardcore". And these two challengers, they're showing us right now that they have everything it takes to rep the Hardcore division.
Finally, Orbit lets go of the 2x4 and kicks Maelstrom in the gut-- but Maelstrom with a headbutt to Orbit. Maelstrom jabs Orbit in the gut with the tip of the 2x4... and then swings it across Orbit's back! The barbed wire sticks into Orbit's back and Maelstrom lets go of the board. Orbit drops to the mat with the 2x4 stuck to his back, yelling in pain.
Zach Davis: The Hardcore Champion is hurting.
Gravedigger: Hurting might be an understatement. But this is Steve Orbit. He's taken worse than this and came back for more every time.
DVS is slowly getting up on shakey legs-- Maelstrom charges towards him with a big boot to the head! And DVS goes down once more. Maelstrom pins him.
Freddy Whoa: New Hardcore champion?
Zach Davis: NO! DVS with a shoulder up!
Orbit has removed the barbed wire board from his back and tossed it out of the ring. There is still a chair, a lead pipe, a baseball bat and a kendo stick laying in the ring. Maelstrom grabs the Kendo stick and walks over to Orbit, who is beginning to get up... until Maelstrom hits him over the head with the stick. He begins rifling off Kendo stick shots, across Orbit's back which is already bleeding, across his stomach and chest, on his legs.
Freddy Whoa: Maelstrom is really working over Steve Orbit with that Kendo stick.
Maelstrom grabs Orbit and walks him over to where the steel chair is laying on the mat. He grabs Orbit... and lifts him for the Northern Lights Bomb!
Gravedigger: Shit! Not onto the chair!
Zach Davis: HELLSTORM RISING-- WAIT!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Dan Van Slade charges from behind and chop blocks Maelstrom while he's holding Orbit in the air! Maelstom falls onto his back and Orbit falls awkwardly on top of him. Orbit rolls away. DVS grabs a chair and bounces off the ropes-- he nails Maelstrom with a running jumping knee drop, using the chair for extra impact!
Zach Davis: OOF!
Gravedigger: Van Slade might have hurt his knee as much as he hurt Maelstrom, but I don't think he cares.
Van Slade pins Maelstrom.
Freddy Whoa: KICKOUT!
DVS gets up, Orbit grabs him and turns him around--
Gravedigger: CRANE KICK!
But DVS side steps it, and and goes behind Orbit for a German suplex, bridging for the pin!
Freddy Whoa: KICKOUT!
Orbit rolls out of the ring. DVS stands up, but Maelstrom charges at him and clotheslines him over the top rope to the outside!
Freddy Whoa: This is getting crazy!
Zach Davis: What else do you expect from a Hardcore title match?
Orbit and DVS get to their feet and start throwing right hands at each other, brawling at ringside. Maelstrom grabs the top rope... and slingshots over, splashing DVS and Orbit into the guardrail!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Gravedigger: It's not often you see a big man fly through the air like that!
Zach Davis: The Hardcore title is all about putting everything on the line. Putting your health and your well being and your SANITY aside, and doing whatever it takes to win the match.
Maelstrom gets up, pulling Orbit with him. He hits Orbit with several stiff punches to the head and body. He presses Orbit over his head and drops him for a stun gun on the guardrail!
Freddy Whoa: JEEZ. The Champ is hurt. That was sickening.
Maelstrom turns around and DVS is gone! He begins to scan the ringside area, and he sees DVS on the opposite side of the ring, setting up a table. Maelstrom slowly heads over to DVS. DVS rolls into the ring, Maelstrom follows suit. They trade right hands, but DVS pokes Maelstrom's eye!
Zach Davis: Devious!
DVS hits Maelstrom with a European uppercut... and another, and another. He whips Maelstrom to the ropes, and catches him with a ring-rocking spinebuster! DVS jumps up afterwards and flips off the crowd.
Gravedigger: The fans really hate this guy.
Freddy Whoa: They hate you, too.
Gravedigger: Yeah, but I'm a legend. I earned those boos. He's a punk with an attitude problem.
DVS drops down, pinning Maelstrom.
Freddy Whoa: NO, kickout!
DVS rolls Maelstrom onto his stomach and mounts his back. He takes out his red cape from his trunks and wraps it around Maelstrom's neck, choking him out with it.
Gravedigger: Smart strategy right there. Choke out the big guy.
Zach Davis: Van Slade is pretty big himself, but you're right.
DVS tightens the choke as Maelstrom's face begins to turn bright red. He can be heard gasping for air. This continues for a few moments, until--
Freddy Whoa: Here comes The Mack!
Orbit runs into the ring, armed with a chair. He swings it at DVS' back, causing him to break the choke on Maelstrom. Orbit continues with two, three more chair shots... before hitting a codebreaker! DVS stumbles backwards, and Orbit grabs him in a headlock, walking him towards the ring apron, near the table set up at ringside.
Gravedigger: This is gonna be ugly!
Orbit stands on the apron with DVS in a headlock... he jumps up on the ropes and hits the springboard tornado DDT through the table!
Freddy Whoa: ORBITAL DDT THROUGH THE TABLE! DVS IS OUT!
Orbit hops up, smiling. DVS is layed out in the wreckage of the table at ringside. Orbit slides into the ring where Maelstrom is still barely moving. Orbit stomps him a few times for good measure, and then he scales the turnbuckles...
Freddy Whoa: OAKLAND SPLASH! CENTER OF THE RING! HERE'S THE PIN, ORBIT RETAINS!
Freddy Whoa: KICKOUT! Maelstrom kicks out of the Oakland Splash!
Orbit's face goes through several emotions, resting on anger. He pins Maelstrom again.
Zach Davis: SHOULDER UP!
Freddy Whoa: Steve Orbit can't believe it.
Orbit pulls Maelstrom up and puts him in a headlock. He walks him over towards the ropes. He hops up onto the ropes, springboard off for the tornado DDT--
Freddy Whoa: ORBITAL DDT-- NO!
Maelstrom somehow maintains his footing and wraps his arms around Orbit in mid-air... he repositions Orbit and holds him up for a few seconds... and then drops him with the Northern Lights Bomb!
Freddy Whoa: HELLSTORM RISING! Maelstrom reverses Orbit's finisher into HIS finisher! WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Gravedigger: How'd he do that?!
Maelstrom pins Orbit.
Freddy Whoa: WHAT!
DVS drags the ref outside the ring, breaking the count!
Zach Davis: Where does this end? HOW does this match end?!
Gravedigger: I don't know, but I've got to hand it to all three of these guys. This is what the Hardcore title is all about. I have crazy respect for Steve Orbit, but these two guys are proving they can hang tonight. They are showing the world they can hang with a World Champion, main event-caliber performer.
DVS enters the ring as Orbit gets to his feet. Orbit throws a Pimp Slap, but he misses-- DVS lifts him up and hits the cutthroat driver!
Freddy Whoa: INTERSTELLAR SUPER DEVIANT DRIVER!
DVS pins Orbit...
Gravedigger: There's no ref! You took out the ref, idiot!
DVS beings yelling for the ref. Maelstrom is slowly getting to his feet, and DVS is still covering Orbit.
Freddy Whoa: Here comes a new ref from the back. DVS has Orbit's leg hooked... and here's the ref!
Freddy Whoa: NO! Maelstrom breaks it up this time!
The crowd is going absolutely wild for the intensity of the last few minutes. Maelstrom grabs DVS by the throat... he lifts him for a chokeslam, but DVS slips out and goes behind him! He wraps his arms around Maelstrom and crushes him with a release German suplex... he quickly hurries over to Maelstrom and climbs on his back, locking in the Crippler Crossface!
Zach Davis: There's Van Slade's submission hold, called the Super Terrestrial Deathlock-- or The STD.
Freddy Whoa: DVS is in complete control here. Orbit is still out, and he's got Maelstrom locked in his submission finisher. Will he tap?
DVS pulls back and applies more pressure into the hold. Maelstrom is fading fast.
Gravedigger: I hate to say it, but we could be looking at the next Hardcore champion in Dan Van Slade.
After a few more moments, Maelstrom looks like he's about to pass out... but Orbit is up, behind them! And he's holding a kendo stick. He sneaks up from behind--
Freddy Whoa: The Mack cracks DVS over the head with the kendo stick!
Orbit pulls DVS off of Maelstrom and hits him with several more shots from the kendo stick, before tossing it aside. He grabs DVS and hits a huge T-Bone suplex! He then drops down onto Maelstrom... and locks in the Peruvian necktie!
Gravedigger: YES! 23-HOUR LOCKDOWN!
Zach Davis: This is Orbit's submission hold, rarely seen but extremely effective. It's not often you see Steve Orbit go the submission route, but DVS has already worn Maelstrom down. Orbit is looking to finish him off.
Freddy Whoa: Great strategy by Steve Orbit.
But DVS is back up! And he runs at Orbit with a punt kick to the head! Orbit releases the hold and he's laid out. Maelstrom rolls away from Orbit, barely conscious. The crowd is on their feet. DVS pins Maelstrom.
Gravedigger: Orbit with the save!
Orbit breaks up the pin, and then rolls away, still hurting. DVS pulls up Orbit... and hits a double underhook powerbomb with authority. He covers Orbit.
Freddy Whoa: KICKOUT!
Zach Davis: The frustration is written on Dan Van Slade's face. He wants to win his first WCF Championship here tonight, but Orbit is refusing to give it up.
Frustrated, DVS rolls outside the ring. He begins searching the ringside area, and he finds another table. He slides the table into the ring, and then climbs back into the ring himself. He begins to set up the table.
Gravedigger: Van Slade is wasting a lot of time here. I hope he knows what he's doing.
Orbit is almost up. Maelstrom is starting to stir on the mat. Van Slade grabs Orbit and walks him over to the table... he rolls Orbit onto the table. DVS climbs the turnbuckles in the corner...
Freddy Whoa: This is not good for Steve Orbit.
But Maelstrom is up! DVS takes notice, and climbs down from the turnbuckles. He approaches Maelstrom-- but Maelstrom elbows him in the gut! Maelstrom stands up and begins hammering DVS with a flurry of right hands, followed by a crushing headbutt!
Zach Davis: I can't believe Maelstrom is still in this thing!
Meanwhile, Orbit has rolled off of the table onto the mat. Maelstrom lifts DVS... holds him up for a few seconds... and hits the Northern Lights Bomb through the table!
Freddy Whoa: HELLSTORM RISING THROUGH THE TABLE! WHOA!
Maelstrom pins DVS.
Gravedigger: ORBIT BREAKS IT UP!
Zach Davis: This match is never going to end at this rate!
Maelstrom and Orbit roll to their feet. Maelstrom throws a right hand, but it's blocked by Orbit! Orbit with a Pimp Slap!
Gravedigger: HAHA YES!
Orbit gets into Crane stance... and snaps off the Crane kick to Maelstrom!
Freddy Whoa: Steve Orbit almost kicked his head off!
Gravedigger: Never count out Steve Orbit. NEVER.
Maelstrom is laid out. DVS is laid out. Orbit rolls DVS on top of Malestrom... and scales the turnbuckles in the corner!
Gravedigger: This is it, it's OVER. It's OVER.
Orbit leaps off with the Oakland Splash...
Zach Davis: NO! DVS ROLLS AWAY AND ORBIT LANDS ON MAELSTROM ONLY!
Orbit quickly rolls to his feet but DVS grabs him and lifts him for the Cutthroat Driver onto a nearby chair!
Freddy Whoa: INTERSTELLAR DEVIANT DRIVER... WITH A CHAIRY ON TOP!
DVS drops down a pins Steve Orbit.
DING DING DING
"Slay IT" by Cryptex hits the PA.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! "DEVIOUS" DAN VAN SLADE HAS DONE IT!
DVS drops to the mat, exhausted. He gets to his kness, and the ref hands him the Hardcore belt.
Gravedigger: What a huge victory for this young man. Not only does he win his first WCF title, but he has defeated "The Mack" Steve Orbit, one of the greatest of all time.
Zach Davis: And Maelstrom put up a hell of a fight as well. Let's not discount his performance here. He proved he can hang with the best, and although he fell short, I'd say he's earned a right to a rematch.
Gravedigger: And what's next for Steve Orbit? This is the first time he's been without a Championship title is almost a year. There's no doubt he'll be back in a title hunt soon enough. Hell, he might just want another shot at DVS after tonight.
Scene fades with DVS holding the Hardcore belt above his head.
Elliott Ness is sitting in his office looking over papers just killing time between jobs doing the usual busywork like finishing files and checking where his foes are ect The camera pans over to the the wall covered in headlines saying things like "ness busts capone gambling ring or moran call girl crew gets 20 years thanks to ness ...... you go further out and you see "Ness cleans up shady boxin g promotion " "Mr Untouchable" busts phony wrestling feds..... is he going to enter the ring himself? "
The phone rings and he picks it up cautiously as it could be anything from death threats to lunch orders when your well known as he is you take no chances.
Elliott Ness: Yes ... A job? What kind and where ?
He listens intently and frowns.
Elliott Ness: WCF ? wrestling ? Isnt that that garbage scow of a fed ran by some punk named lerch ? I was told thats basiclly the special education fed ...... Anyone there that isnt a sacumbag or mental deficant ?
Elliott Ness: SO this hidden investor dosent like the product or the workers and i have to plunge the outhouse or burn it down ?
He listens again then whistles.
Elliott Ness: wow impressive .. its losing that much ? The fcc is about to take it off the air ? What about lerch.... Hes been told to play ball? .... Oh hell why not....... thse fools arent crap i mean you know my credentials...... if capone moran genna bros. and the like couldnt take me out ... these fools arent going to either ..... see you there ...
He hangs up the phone and turns on a wcf show and watches shaking his head while he packs his gear and the camera fades out.
Zach Davis: Welcome back to ringside, folks. This next match has been highly anticipated ever since rumors started floating about that United States Champion, Deuce Murdock's mystery opponent was none other than the last man to hold the belt, Jay Omega.
Freddy Whoa: And when those rumors were confirmed, hashtag DeuceVersusOmega hit the top three trends on Twitter. Both men had some potent words for each other during the weeks leading up to tonight, and now it's time to put up, or shut up!
"Born in the U.S.A." by Bruce Springsteen begins to play, as the American flag starts flying on the big screen and smoke starts to fill the ramp area. With the flag of the United States draped over his shoulders and the WCF United States Title around his waist, Gonzo walks to the ring, flag flowing behind him. Deuce extends his hands for the fans to interact with him, making sure to hit both sides of the ramp. Once Gonzo gets to the ring, he goes up the ring steps and steps through the ropes, careful to not let the flag hit the ground.
Gravedigger: Well, this seems like the perfect time to go take a dump.
Zach Davis: I don't know if you'll want to do that. From what I know of both Deuce Murdock and Jay Omega, this match is going to get your kind of ugly, real fast.
Gravedigger: What do you mean "my kind" of ugly?
Freddy Whoa: He means this one's gonna be a pretty brutal fight.
Once inside the ring, he spins in the middle of the ring, as the flag wraps around him. He takes off the belt and raises it over his head, as he goes to each corner, raising the belt in the air over his head with his right hand. The music fades and Murdock hands the belt off to the ref, but holds the official's attention for a moment. A few quick words are exchanged, and a flash of green passes from one hand to another before the ref passes the title belt off to the timekeeper.
Zach Davis: Did Murdock just pay off the ref?
Gravedigger: Buying himself some insurance, no doubt. He knows he can't keep that belt forever.
The arena lights dim as a keytar with a distinctly 80's sound begins tapping out a beat, and "Holding Out for A Hero" by Bonnie Tyler begins playing in full. The intro winds down, and as Ms. Tyler asks "Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?", Jay Omega steps from behind the curtain with an Indiana Jones-style satchel slung over his shoulder, and a spotlight hits him center stage.
Kyle Steel: From Sativa City, in the Imperial Isle of Maritopia, weighing in at two hundred twenty-six pounds, he is The Omega Man... JAAAY OOOMEEEGAAA!
Jay throws his arms up and out in an Orton-esque pose, then slaps his left shoulder twice before he begins skipping down the ramp. Strobe lights flicker throughout the crowd in a multitude of colors ranging from deep violet to neon green, as Omega crosses back and forth down the ramp waving his hands indiscriminately, slapping hands and faces in equal measure. At ringside, Jay drops the satchel and takes a moment to dance the Macarena before he rolls under the bottom rope, then kips up to his feet. Omega crosses the ring and hops onto the second turnbuckle with his left foot on the top one, and does pelvic thrusts at the crowd for a few moments, before he backflips back into the ring. Jay rolls back under the bottom rope, retrieves the satchel, then circles around the ring to the announce table.
Freddy Whoa: Aw yeah, I've missed this part.
Omega spares only a glance for Freddy, and pulls out an over-sized mug that boldly proclaims "Epitome of Commentary" which he sets in front of Gravedigger. Jay then produces a bottle of Mountain Dew and fills the mug. Lastly, he pulls out a small humidor, filled with hand-rolled Cuban cigars, and lays two crisp hundred dollar bills on the lid. Omega slides the bubbling beverage, the stogies, and the money across the announce table to Gravedigger, then turns and rolls into the ring without saying a word.
Freddy Whoa: Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?
Gravedigger: What the hell was that all about?
Zach Davis: It would seem that Omega is also resorting to bribery. He's buttering you up so you'll say good things about him.
Gravedigger: So long as he beats the hell out of Murdock, that just might work.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Both men come together in the middle of the ring, Deuce looking for a classic collar and elbow tie up. Omega sidesteps at the last second, pushing Murdock's hands away, and drives a knee up into the champion's breadbasket. Jay snaps off an elbow strike to the base of the skull as a follow up, which creates some space between the two. Deuce gets over his surprise quickly and takes Omega to the mat with a double leg takedown. Murdock rains blows down at Jay's torso, but Omega quickly takes control by jabbing his stiffened fingers into Deuce's throat. The Omega Man rolls the two of them over, and drives a measured elbow into the champion's forehead, then a second one. As he winds back for a third, Murdock manages a stiff shot to the shortribs, and reverses the positioning again. Deuce regains his feet and begins to pull Jay up, only to have Omega throw off the clutch, and blast Murdock in the face with a solid right hook.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Did you hear that?
Zach Davis: I did indeed! Even over this capacity crowd! What a shot from The Omega Man!
Gravedigger: I hope there's more where that came from.
Deuce blocks an incoming left knee, Jay connects with a left jab. Murdock throws a right of his own, but Omega blocks it, grabs the wrist and ducks under the arm, wringing it. The champion rolls through, and uses the momentum to pull Jay in for an armdrag. Omega rolls with the landing, bounds to his feet, and hits the ropes while Murdock stands back up. Jay takes to the air for a Busaiku knee attack, which Deuce manages to mostly avoid; his shoulder taking some of the impact rather than his face. Omega starts to rise, and the champion latches on with a front facelock before he makes it fully to his feet. Murdock starts driving his knee up into The Omega Man's ribs until Jay manages to block one, then tosses Deuce head over heels with a release Northern Lights suplex. Omega rolls to one knee by the ropes, clutching his ribs and catching his breath, while Murdock gets to his feet and charges at Jay. The Omega Man catches the champion with a back body drop over the ropes, but Deuce manages to snag the top one and save himself from a long fall.
Gravedigger: And here I was hoping to see Omega drop a Deuce.
Zach Davis: Ahem. Great reflexes from the champion there, saving himself from a--OH!
Omega drives a back elbow hard into Murdock's jaw, dazing him. Jay then runs up the nearest turnbuckle and leaps out of the ring backward; spinning in the air to face Deuce. The Omega Man catches the champion in a front facelock on the way down, and lands on his feet on the arena floor. Murdock is not so lucky, as he takes a DDT onto the ring apron. Deuce falls to the floor while Omega slides back into the ring. Murdock slowly climbs to his feet with the help of the announce table, while inside the ring, Jay rebounds off the far ropes, and comes barreling toward the champion. The Omega Man vaults over the top rope, but Deuce's instincts are finely honed, and he reacts fast enough to catch Omega out of mid-air with a spinebuster that plants Jay through the announce table.
Gravedigger: I'm glad I was holding my mug when that happened.
Freddy Whoa: I'm glad we have, like, a dozen of these tables.
Zach Davis: I'm glad I'm not Jay Omega; that had to hurt like crazy!
Murdock drags Jay up and rolls him into the ring, then follows in after. Deuce takes a moment to look around at the mass of screaming fans, when Omega takes his feet out from under him with a drop toe hold. The Omega Man quickly takes hold of the champion's lower leg, and applies an ankle lock with all his might. Murdock thrashes a little, but not as much as one might expect. A moment later the why is revealed, as Deuce reaches back and disconnects his prosthetic foot. Jay falls back onto his rump, a look of horror on his masked face as he regards the disembodied foot in his hands. Murdock is quickly back to a vertical base and comes at Omega, who tries to distract him by tossing the foot. Deuce snags his limb out of the air and dives at Jay, driving the sole of his foot into the seated Omega Man's face. Murdock holds his foot by the toe and batters Omega with the heel repeatedly. The champion eventually relents, then reconnects his appendage, and pulls Jay to his feet.
Zach Davis: Deuce Murdock using that prosthetic of his as a weapon, and from the referee's lack of concern, I think it's safe to say that yes, the champion did indeed bribe the official to play fast and loose with the rules.
Gravedigger: Do you hear yourself? Who talks like that?
Freddy Whoa: You know, I've always felt the same way.
Gravedigger: Don't agree with me, it makes me want to change my opinions.
With a firm grip on Omega's jersey, Deuce hits a trio of short elbow strikes to the face, then whips Jay into the corner. Murdock follows him in, and nails a lariat that takes The Omega Man off his feet. Jay rolls under the bottom rope seeking a respite, but the champion isn't about to allow it. Deuce follows Omega down to the floor and grabs him with a rear waistlock. Jay has a moment of startled realization, before he gets hoisted up and over, and dumped on the back of his head with a German suplex. Murdock drags him up to a vertical base again, then slams Omega's masked face off the ring apron. The champion grabs a fistful of Jay's hair and walks him toward the ringpost, but a back elbow breaks Deuce's grip. Undaunted, Murdock throws a quick pair of kicks at The Omega Man's gut, then whips him into the ringpost anyway. Jay avoids making contact with his head, but the impact to his shoulder spins him about, and he then takes a rib-shattering spear from the champion that crushes him into the security barricade.
Zach Davis: That's the kind of vicious action the fans have come to expect from the Broken Hero, Deuce Murdock.
Gravedigger: Please. I've seen better action in a BioWalker match.
Freddy Whoa: Tomorrow is Bad Joke Monday, Digger.
Firmly in control, Deuce drags Omega to unsteady feet, and hits a European uppercut that leaves Jay bent back over the security rail. Murdock takes The Omega Man by the head again, aiming to smash his skull on the apron, but Jay comes to his senses and knocks the champion's hand away. Deuce fires off a straight left that does more to bring Omega around than put him down, followed by a right cross which Jay blocks. The Omega Man quickly shifts to take a grip on Murdock's wrist, then spins around to stand back to back with him before they both drop to the floor.
Zach Davis: The first time we've seen that Kevorkian Handshake, and he does it on the concrete floor. It because of moments like this that, even after three months in the shelf, Jay Omega can come in and declare himself Number One Contender.
Gravedigger: As opposed to Murdock, who's a steaming number two. You see what I've been doing?
Freddy Whoa: Yeah, we get it. Just 'cause Omega paid you don't mean you gotta focus on your hate for Deuce.
Gravedigger: Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be saying nice stuff about him, aren't I?
Omega pulls himself up with the help of the apron, then drags Murdock to his feet and rolls him into the ring. Jay slides in behind him, and tiredly makes a cover.
Zach Davis: A near fall there, but Deuce Murdock is a stubborn fighter.
Gravedigger: He's a piece of sh--
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Jay looks just as stunned as I feel; I thought we had a new U.S. Champ right there!
Both combatants climb to their feet, and Deuce snaps off a Chuck Norris Special that causes The Omega Man to crumple to the mat. Murdock rolls him onto his back and hooks the far leg.
Zach Davis: Omega somehow gets the shoulder up! I can't believe this match isn't over!
Gravedigger: You shouldn't sell Omega short. I'm confident and hopeful that he'll follow through, and take Murdock's pride tonight.
Freddy Whoa: That's right; earn that Mountain Dew.
Gravedigger: I will hurt you, Freddy.
Jay and Deuce both climb back to shaky feet, and meet in the middle of the ring to begin trading blows. Murdock takes the upper hand, and backs Omega into the corner, then fires him across the ring, and chases after. The champion's aggressiveness works against him though, as The Omega Man runs up the turnbuckles, and leaps off with a corkscrew moonsault that lands him on Deuce's shoulders. In a flash, Jay hurricanranas Murdock over, and hooks both ankles.
Deuce manages to buck free, and Omega flies forward, accidentally headbutting the referee. The champion seems to find a second wind as he pushes himself quickly to his feet, while Jay removes his mask then passes it behind his back from one hand to the other, and puts it back on. The Hardcore Maniac assumes a Muay Thai stance, and faces Murdock. Both men slowly circle, each tensing and twitching; testing the other's reflexes. Suddenly the tension breaks, and the two combatants surge forward. Fists, elbows, knees, feet; whatever can be thrown is, and at near-superhuman speeds. The complex pattern of strike, block, evade, and counter flows so quickly, so gracefully, it's almost like watching a carefully choreographed Kung Fu movie. Deuce's second wind flags before Omega's does, though, so Murdock switches tactics. He steps in and takes a kick to the ribs, at the same time trapping the Hardcore Maniac's leg.
Zach Davis: This could be bad news for Omega; that's the same leg Deuce injured three months ago at Helloween.
The champion takes Jay down with a Dragon Screw, and grabs hold of both his legs, trying to apply the Phantom Itch. Omega has the move well scouted, though, and writhes about; refusing to let Murdock lock it in. In frustration, Deuce drops Jay's legs, and stomps on the back of his head, causing the Maniac to go still. Not taking the chance his opponent could be playing possum, the champion muscles Omega up, and drives him back to the mat with another German suplex. Certain his foe isn't going anywhere now, Deuce staggers to the corner and mounts the turnbuckle.
Freddy Whoa: I think Deuce is looking to finish this one with an exclamation point.
Murdock leaps off the top turnbuckle with a front flip, looking for the Table Saw Nightmare, but Omega just barely rolls out of the way. While Deuce's spine stiffens in pain, Jay kips to his feet and hits a low front dropkick on him. The back of Murdock's head rebounds off the canvas and he sits back up, just in time to take a Buzzsaw kick to the temple. Relentless, Omega follows that up with a knee drop to the forehead. Deuce rolls away and staggers to his feet, a little dazed from the string of head shots. The Hardcore Maniac gives him no time to recover though, and backs Murdock into the corner with a rapid-fire series of Shotei palm strikes to the head and upper torso. Deuce minimizes the damage he absorbs as best he can, even fires back a few return shots of his own, but with no room to maneuver and still suffering from the missed leg drop, the onslaught proves too much and leaves him sitting slumped against the turnbuckle when Omega finally backs off.
Gravedigger: You were right, Zach; this IS my kind of ugly!
Murdock pushes himself out of the corner on unsteady feet, stubbornly holding on to consciousness, only to receive a superkick that drives him back in. Jay drags Deuce out along the ropes, and fires him across the ring, timing his movements to match. Omega springs into motion and leaps into the air, spinning a full 540 degrees before lashing out with his foot, which meets the head of the rebounding Murdock in the middle of the ring. Deuce drops like a rock, but rather than cover him, Jay slips out of the ring and grabs the U.S. title belt from the timekeeper. Omega then rolls back into the ring and stands over the immobile champion, his gaze alternating between the belt and Murdock. Jay reaches down and wraps the championship around Deuce's waist, then rolls him over onto his stomach to do it up. He then flips Murdock over again, then again, and keeps going until he pushes the champion completely out of the ring with his title.
Gravedigger: What the hell is he doing? If he pins him right now, it's over, why is he wasting time?
Zach Davis: This is Jay Omega we're talking about; wasting time is what he's best at.
Gravedigger: Is he retarded?
Omega stalks over to the referee, and points over at Deuce laying on the outside, loudly demanding that the official start counting him out. The zebra takes a moment to think about whose instructions to follow, and wisely chooses the conscious man threatening him.
Gravedigger: Has anyone told him titles don't change hands on a count out?
Freddy Whoa: I don't think he cares.
Murdock begins to stir on the outside, and slowly rolls onto his stomach.
Deuce weakly pushes himself up to his hands and knees, and grabs onto the apron for support. Jay hits the ropes on the opposite side to gain momentum.
Murdock pushes himself up to his feet and turns to roll into the ring; Omega drops into a baseball slide kick that knocks Deuce on his ass, well away from the ring.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Zach Davis: Well I'll be. It looks like Jay Omega found a way to win the match, but NOT the United States Championship!
Gravedigger: Okay, seriously, IS he retarded?
Freddy Whoa: Maybe? But you gotta admit, that's one hell of a statement he just made.
"Holding Out for A Hero" hits the speakers again, but Jay only sticks around long enough to let the ref raise his hand uncertainly, then exits the ring and makes his way up the ramp without a backward glance.
Zach Davis: Deuce Murdock looks pretty beat up, but at least he still has the cold comfort of the United States Championship.
Gravedigger: That was a great match, but I'm a little confused. I don't know whether or not I like this Omega guy.
Freddy Whoa: I'm pretty sure that's how he wants it.
All of the lights in the arena drop as "Explosia" by Gojira kicks in over the arena speakers. When the vocals kick in, pyro explodes from the stage and from around the jumbotron as it fires to life with a video montage of all of Price's greatest moments. A spotlight comes on and shines on the stage as Price steps out from the back to a massive pop from the crowd.
Zach Davis: Two weeks ago we saw Price referee the #1 Contender's Match for the Internet Title he held at the time, only to attack both Ultimate Destroyer and Kaz Mazy and then vacate the title, saying that he was ending his record 176 day long reign on his own terms.
Gravedigger: It was a crap reign padded with weeks of never defending the belt.
Freddy Whoa: Well to be fair, Price doesn't book his matches. And he was openly asking for anyone to challenge him.
Gravedigger: Still a load of crap.
Zach Davis: Moving on, after a speech in which he verbally assaulted everyone holding a title in WCF for not being the kind of champion that he was, Corey Black answered with a challenge for Payback. Only with a twist.
The jumbotron fires up with a clip from two weeks ago when Corey Black laid out the challenge for Payback, only to bring out a returning Chelsea Armstrong and announce that it would be a three way dance for the Cruiserweight Title. The crowd pops at the video.
Freddy Whoa: Man did that crowd get hot at the idea of Chelsea finally getting her hands on Price after he tried to end her career.
Gravedigger: Let's just hope she returns the favor tonight and sends the crowd home happy.
Price pauses at the top of the ramp to let the crowd get themselves a good look before heading down the ramp, grabbing a beer from a fan trying to get a high five. He'll down the beer, toss the empty cup into the crowd and then roll in under the bottom rope. He heads for the corner, climbs up to the second rope and gives the fans the finger before hopping down to the mat. He'll pull off his shirt and throw it to the crowd before warming up for the match in his corner.
"I smell a Massacre by the Butcher Babies begins to roar through the speakers as a fog fills the stage and purple and gold pyros shoot from the top of the titantron. Suddenly a platform begins to rise from under the stage as Chelsea Armstrong starts to appear, a smirk lies on her lips as her metal chain swings freely within her grasp. Standing beside her is manager Genevieve Raquel who rests her arm on Chelsea's shoulder as then two focus on the ring.
Freddy Whoa: And here comes the former People's Champion, back after a short absence to let that neck heal. You guys think she's back to 100% for sure?
Zach Davis: She needs to be. Corey Black is one of the hardest hitting strikers in the business and his elbows to the head and neck are legendary at this point. And Price is known for his submission and technical ability, so you know he'll be targeting that neck whether it's at 100% or 80% or what have you. If Chelsea wants to get her revenge on Price and at the same time win the title tonight, she needs to be at the top of her game.
Freddy Whoa: I'll agree with you completely Zach. Digger?
Gravedigger: To be honest, I doubt winning the match is Chelsea's main objective tonight. She wants to hurt Price and hurt him bad. Winning the match would just be the cherry on top of the sundae.
Walking down the ramp both of them stay focused on the ring as Chelsea slides under the bottom rope and immediately gets up with her eyes on Price. Price drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring as Genevieve holds her back by the arm, trying to get her to stay calm till the bell rings.
Zach Davis: Oh man, Price does not look at all ready to get in there with Chelsea. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!
"Pursuit of Honor" by Battlecross begins, with the melodic guitar flowing through the arena, getting the crowd pumped up. As this goes on, the lights fade to nothing until "Push Pull Destroy" also by Battlecross kicks in, where red and white lights circle throughout the arena. Once the thrash blast beat hits, a spotlight illuminates the stage and there stands Corey Black wearing a black hoodie over his ring gear.
Freddy Whoa: And seemingly lost in all this talk about the issues between Price and Chelsea is the fact that this is indeed a Cruiserweight Title Match. Corey Black seemed to want to kill two birds with one stone, giving Chelsea her revenge on Price and shutting Price up about the lack of competitiveness in the champions of WCF. We already saw Black beat Price three weeks ago in a two out of three falls match, what's the chances we see him do it again tonight?
Zach Davis: I think they're good. With Chelsea focused on just hurting Price, Black could easily bide his time and then take the opportunity to get the pin when it comes up.
Gravedigger: The man is a 15 year veteran. He had his strategy for this match before he even announced it would be a three way, trust me.
The lights continue as Corey walks down to the ring, bobbing his head to the music. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, stands to his feet and throws up the devil horns before taking the hoodie off and dropping it to the floor. He then poses with his right arm up and bent slightly almost in a vertical flex, left hand on his elbow. Black lowers his arms and throws a glance toward Price before raising his title in the air. He then hands it off to the referee and heads for his corner as Kyle Steel comes to the center of the ring for the introductions.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is a triple threat match and it is for the WCF CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE!
Pop from the crowd. They love them some cruiserweight action.
Kyle Steel: Introducing first, from Saint Louis, Missouri, weighing in tonight at 157 pounds, she is The Sweet Nightmare....CHELSEA ARMSTRONG!
Sizable pop from the crowd. Chelsea nods in response, eyes still on Price.
Kyle Steel: And from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in tonight at...
Kyle stares at his notes.
Kyle Steel: 220 pounds?
Price nods. Kyle and the referee seem to question it, as does Black.
Zach Davis: Well this was something that was brought up when this match was made. Two weeks ago Price was sitting at about 249 pounds, nearly 25 more than the 225 pound weigh limit. We thought that was crazy but he's trying to say he's lost almost 30 pounds since then?
The referee rolls out of the ring, pulls up the apron and retrieves a scale from under the ring. Price's confident smile fades a bit as the referee slides back into the ring and tells him to get on it. Price seems to be resisting but the referee threatens to disqualify him and remove him from the match. Price steps onto the scale and the camera zooms in.
Kyle Steel: 226 pounds!
Price loses it and throws the scale out of the ring. The referee is telling him that he's not eligible for the belt and Price is having none of it when from out of nowhere Black hits him square in the face with an elbow to a pop from the crowd. Black grabs the microphone from Kyle Steel.
Corey Black: You're not denying this woman her payback...
Corey winks at the cheap pop he gets for mentioning the PPV.
Corey Black:...tonight. Start the damn match.
Black chucks the microphone out of the ring and yells for the referee to ring the bell. Kyle Steel quickly leaves the ring as Price rolls on the mat holding his face.
[DING! DING! DING!]
Immediately Chelsea dives on top of Price, clawing at every inch of his eyes and face with her fingers as Black steps back to his corner and leans on the ropes, content with watching the show.
Zach Davis: And this is it! We finally get to watch Chelsea get her revenge!
The crowd is hot with a loud "CHEL-SEA" chant as Chelsea switches from clawing to straight up punching. The referee moves in to get her to break it up but Chelsea isn't listening. The referee with a five count and Chelsea lets it get all the way to four before relenting. It's for but a second but it's all Price needs to roll Chelsea off of him. Price now scrambling for the ropes to leave the ring as Chelsea rushes to catch him. Price escapes and the referee steps in front of Chelsea to keep her in the ring. Price stumbles over to the barricade and flips off Chelsea as she screams for him to get back in the ring.
Gravedigger: Come on ref! Let her go!
Chelsea wants to go after Price but the referee is unrelenting. Corey Black suddenly walks over to the referee, pointing at his elbow. Apparently he hurt it trying to rearrange Price's face before the bell. The referee seems quite concerned about Black's elbow, leaving Chelsea to do as she pleases. Chelsea sprints across the ring, hits the ropes and comes back with a suicide dive through the ropes. Price is driven back into the barricade as the fans applaud in approval.
Freddy Whoa: What a dive!
Black's elbow miraculously heals itself as he heads back to his corner and the referee turns his attention back to Chelsea and Price. Chelsea has Price's face up against the barricade, scraping it back and forth on the rough material. The referee yells for them to bring it back to the ring before starting a ten count. Chelsea now with forearms to the back of the head and neck before slamming Price face first into the barricade. Price drops to one knee before Chelsea backs up to the apron and charges forward, slamming her knee into the back of Price's head.
Zach Davis: Sweet mother of god! Chelsea has turned the viciousness up to an 11.
The referee's count reaches 7 and Chelsea shows no sign of coming back in. He shouts out 8 and Corey Black rolls out of the ring before rolling back in. The referee gives him hell for breaking the count but Black gives him a shrug of the shoulders.
Freddy Whoa: And again Corey Black shows his willingness to keep this match going simply so Chelsea can inflict some damage on Price.
Gravedigger: Suddenly I want to buy me a Corey Black t-shirt.
Price barely able to keep himself up on one knee as Chelsea backs up to the apron again. Price starts to turn around when Chelsea charges him and catches him with a knee to the side of the face. Down goes Price as Chelsea looks back at the referee's count. He shouts out 4 and Chelsea looks back at Price. Chelsea now grabbing him by the arm and dragging him toward the ring. Black rolls out of the ring and grabs an arm before helping Chelsea lift him up. They roll Price in under the bottom rope and Chelsea immediately slides in to pin him.
Black slides into the ring and pulls Chelsea off of Price.
Zach Davis: What's this now?
Chelsea and Black both up to their feet and Chelsea is questioning what's happening. Black says he's fine with her beating down Price, but not getting the pin. Chelsea not at all happy about that and she goes for another pin attempt.
Again Black grabs Chelsea by the leg and pulls her off. Black telling Chelsea to go back to trying to kill him and stop trying to pin him. Chelsea looks down at Price and then back at Black. Chelsea with an open hand to the face out of nowhere. Chelsea telling Black that she's not taking any orders from him tonight. Black cocks back his fist but he seems to be fighting actually doing anything. Chelsea looks like she's begging for him to do it when from out of nowhere she's rolled up from behind by Price.
Black with a kick to the back and the pin is broken up. Black now pulling Price up to his feet and he hits him with an elbow to the face. Price still on his feet but he's dazed as Black pulls him in. Black going for the DDT when Price counters, grabbing Black by the legs and taking him to the mat. Price now with left and right hands until Chelsea dives into him, taking him to the mat. Chelsea desperately trying to lock in The Last Goodnight but Price is trying to fight out of it.
Gravedigger: Make him tap! Make him tap!
Black from behind pulls Chelsea off of Price and roughly shoves her to the side. Price tries to get up but Black takes him back down and goes for For Victory Or Death. He gets off a pair of elbows until Chelsea grabs Black from behind in a sleeper hold. Black lets go of Price and tries to fight out of it. Price rolls away, holding his neck as Black struggles to get out of the sleeper. Seeing the match in jeopardy, Price gets behind Chelsea and gets her in a rear waistlock. Pulling her loose from Black, Price gets her to her feet and then takes her to the mat with a german suplex. Price with the bridge and the pin attempt.
Black breaks up the pin at two. Price back up to his feet but Black gets him with a european uppercut. Black now leading Price toward the ropes and throws him over the top one. Price lands on the apron and grabs hold of Black from behind. Black gets free and hits Price with an elbow. Black now trying to suplex Price back into the ring. Price with the block and he tries to suplex Black to the mat. Price gets him up but Black fights out of it and lands on the apron beside him.
Price and Black on the apron now battling it out. Black with a stiff elbow to the face and Price is rocked, having to grab for the ropes to keep himself from falling to the ground. Black takes advantage, scooping Price up from behind and onto his shoulders.
Zach Davis: BURNING HAMMER ON THE APRON!
Gravedigger: YES! DO IT!
Black goes for it but Price somehow ends up getting free and lands on the apron. He's wobbling as soon as he lands but he still grabs hold of Black and drops him with a Downfall onto the apron.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Black left laying limp on the apron as the crowd boos. Price checks his face for blood as he pulls himself back up onto the apron. He looks at Chelsea, resting in her corner, then back at Black. Price now grabbing Black by the hair and pulling him to his feet. Price positioning Black and lifts him straight up.
Zach Davis: Oh god! No!
Chelsea sees what's coming and gets to her feet, frantically waving for Price to stop. Everybody in the arena is on their feet in horror. Price takes two quick steps on the apron and then launches Black off with the Pricebuster to the ground below. Part of the crowd try to start a "Holy Shit" chant but there's too much concern for Black and it quickly dies. The referee exits the ring and tries to check on Black before immediately calling for the medics. Chelsea goes to the ropes and looks out at Black as Price enters the ring. The referee slides back into the ring as medics arrive to tend to Black. Price wants to go but Chelsea is concerned for Black and the referee is giving the medics time to work before letting the match continue.
Freddy Whoa: I can't believe what we've witnessed here today. Rivalry aside, Price and Black are Pantheon stablemates. What the hell does this mean for Pantheon?
Zach Davis: Forget Pantheon, what does this mean for Corey Black? Did you see the speed at which Black's head and neck hit that hard ground?
Freddy Whoa: This has gone too far. Way too far.
Chelsea tries to go after Price, clearly angered more now as the referee holds her back. He wants to give the medics time to get Black out of harms way first but Chelsea is clearly not wanting to comply.
Gravedigger: LET HER GO! LET HER KILL PRICE!
Chelsea escapes!, PRICE DROPS HER WITH A PRICE CHECK-
CHELSEA KICKS OUT!
Zach Davis: What!?
Price can't believe it. He stands up and motions for Chelsea to get to her feet, which she does. He runs at her-
Gravedigger: LIGHT'S OUT!
CHELSEA PINS PRICE!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Zach Davis: Out of nowhere!, Chelsea Armstrong captures the Cruiserweight Championship!
Chelsea is handed the belt before clutching in and dropping to the mat, rolling away to join the medics as they continue to check on Corey. All of a sudden Seth Lerch is in the ring and he has just struck Jayson Price with a chair!
Freddy Whoa: What the hell!?
Seth glares at Price, fire in his eyes. Price gets to his feet, equally as fired up. Seth swings the chair-
Gravedigger: PRICE CHECK TO SETH LERCH!
As soon as Price hits it, RAGE ROLLS INTO THE RING!
Zach Davis: We haven't seen this dude in who knows how long!
Rage grabs the chair Seth dropped and as Price gets to his feet, Rage tosses the chair to him. Price catches it out of instinct and Rage Dropkicks it into his face. Rage quickly grabs Price and pulls him in, hitting him with a few stiff knees. Seth gets up and Rage tosses Price to him.
Freddy Whoa: No...
Seth lifts Price up...
Gravedigger: RAZOR'S EDGE TO JAYSON PRICE!
Seth drops Price's head straight onto the chair. The crowd boos. Seth grabs a mic.
Seth Lerch: Price, let this be a lesson to you. That Cruiserweight Title exists solely so that you can't say you've won every belt. I will not have YOU of all people as the only person in the history of my company able to claim this distinction. Never in a million years. Don't forget it... if your brain isn't scrambled into mush at this point, anyway.
With that, Seth and Rage make their exit as Corey's situation doesn't seem to be improving, judging by the many medics still rushing out.
Zach Davis: Fans, we'll try and keep you updated on the condition of Corey Black as we learn more.
Freddy Whoa: OK! This has to be one of the most anticipated matches of the night.
Zach Davis: I know. I honestly cannot believe this is happening. This is considered to be a dream match-up with an even more fantastical premise.
Gravedigger: Oh, I'll tell ya'. Zombie McMorris taking on Bobby Cairo in a “bag of coke” on a pole match.
Zach Davis: This harkens back to late nineties wrestling. I love it.
Gravedigger: Oh, we all love it – YE'AH! Expect this one to burn the house down. Figuratively and literally.
Freddy Whoa: Let's go to Kyle Steel, who's standing in the ring for the intros.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen. The following is a “Cocaine on a pole” match. The stipulation goes as follows: The bag of cocaine will be suspended by a rope from a pole atop one of the turnbuckle posts. In order to win the match, you must retrieve the bag from its position. If the bag should fall due to outside forces, the match will stop and the bag will be re-secured to its original position.
Crowd: Let's go, Cairo! / Let's go, ZMAC!
Freddy Whoa: The crowd wants it! They can't wait.
Gravedigger: Oh, and I can't wait either.
Zach Davis: Gravedigger, where did you get that novelty oversized cowboy hat from?
Gravedigger: There's a guy... ye'ah... passin em' out.
Freddy Whoa: Hey, when you see the drink guy, tell him to bring me a cup of coffee.
Gravedigger: Kuppa Kawfeee, YA'EH!
Kyle Steel: Without further ado... Here are the contestants for the match...
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring first... from New Orleans, Louisiana... Standing six foot, six inches tall and weighing in at two hundred and sixty pounds... He is the Honey Badger... He is... ZOMBIE... MCMORRIS!
The arena begins to fill with smoke. Them Lemmy vocals smash the speakers as the spotlight is showing ZMAC, who's standing out in the middle section of the arena. He begins to walk down towards the ring, then gets body surfed down to the crowd barrier. He hops the barrier and slides into the ring. The Honey Badger has arrived.
Gravedigger: Oh' the Zombie... ye'ah... I remember fightin' him. He and Jake Roberts ruined my wedding...
Zach Davis: And the crowd is going mental. This is a dream CUM true and a highlight of Payback.
Freddy Whoa: Highlight of the year, most likely.
The ominous cowbell of anarchy hits the PA system and the crowd jumps to its feet and begins to chant--
Crowd: BOBBY C! BOBBY C! BOBBY C!
Kyle Steel: And his opponent... hailing from The Federal District of Poontown, Poon Guinea... He stands at six feet, two inches tall and weighs in at two hundred and twenty six pounds... He is one half of the WCF Tag Team Champions and the premier Hall of Famer...
"Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine kicks into gear.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and Gentlemen... I give to you... BOOOOBBYYYY!!!..... CCAIIIRROOOO!!!
A spotlight singles out "The Godfather of Professional Wrestling" Bobby Cairo as he makes his way through the crowd.
Zach Davis: Is Cairo wearing his ref shirt and are those... Zubaz? I – I think they are.
Gravedigger: All he needs now is a fanny pack and he'll be stylin' and profilin'.
The fans react with a loud cheer and chant even louder--
Crowd: BOBBY C! BOBBY C! BOBBY C!
The "BO-LIEVE IN BOBBY CAIRO!" signs are out in full force as Bobby slaps hands with his supporters, gropes tits and asses, and generally makes a spectacle of himself while navigating his way through the audience. Cairo reaches the fan barrier, hops over it and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He climbs the turnbuckles and salutes the fans, soliciting another loud cheer, before hopping down and readying himself for the match.
Cairo drops to his knees and begins a prayer ritual, thrusting his thick while giving praise to the poon, the blow and the Jam Willy Hey-Zeus.
Freddy Whoa: Bobby looks like he's pushing sand around the ring. Is he doing the Rusev mat hump?
Gravedigger: NOPE. Not at all, Freddy. Bobby is expertly coaxing that supple mat poon.
Zach Davis: The mat poon? But, Digger--
Gravedigger: Annnddd, she came. She's a squirter, too. Look at her go.
The ring crew is quickly dispensed to the ring and they put in work, squeegeeing the surface of the mat to avoid slipping hazards for the two SUPAH-STAHS who are on the verge of throwing down for all the blow that a white man can snort.
Finally, they finish their work and the referee--Robert Cairo-- calls for the bell.
Zach Davis: Oh my God... here we go. Bobby Cairo and Zombie McMorris. One time friends... now currently on opposite sides. They meet one on one in the middle of the ring with the only prize that could rival a World Title.
Freddy Whoa: This is crazy!
Gravedigger: Both these men embody that old school WCF mentality and tonight, we get to see it first hand. It's been a long time cumming but finally- oh ye'ah.. freak out..
ZMAC and Cairo simply glare at each other, neither man making a move to start. The atmosphere inside of the American Airlines Arena is positively E-LEC-TRIC as the fans chant fo their respective heroes.
Crowd: Let's go, Cai-ro! / Let's go, Zom-bie! Let's go, Cai-ro! / Let's go, Zom-bie!
Freddy Whoa: The crowd's split fifty-fifty.
Both men stare at each other as Cairo points to the pole over Zombie's left shoulder. Zombie looks back at it, then back to Cairo with a cracked smile. ZMAC reaches into his pants and pulls out two vials of cocaine and stares at them in his palm.
Zach Davis: ZMAC's going to coke up already?
Freddy Whoa: I think he just wants to powder his nose, Zach. There's a lot of cameras in here tonight. The man wants to look good. Nothing wrong with that. He's a professional.
Gravedigger: Are you wearing eye shadow, Freddy? And a blouse?
ZMAC tosses the vials to Cairo.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! ZMAC just tossed the vials at Cairo.
Zach Davis: And he caught them. Cairo clutches the vials, but he's not taking his eyes off of ZMAC.
Freddy Whoa: Do you think it could be a trick?
Gravedigger: With ZMAC, it could always be a trick. Cairo knows better than to take his eyes off of his opponent, any opponent, but especially a man like ZMAC.
ZMAC reaches into his pants again and pulls out two other vials and presses the rubber corks off.
Freddy Whoa: And ZMAC takes a bump. WHOA! Now Cairo follows suit.
Zach Davis: And they both take the second rail at the same time!
Gravedigger: There ain't no madness in space because it's RIGHT HERE IN WCF!
The referee-- Robert Cairo-- calls for the bell again.
The match is officially underway, for real this time, as both men clash in the middle of the ring, battering each other with furious rights and lefts. Hard knuckle fists to the jaw, nose, forehead, temple, eye socket; they don't care. ZMAC pushes Cairo into the corner and connects with some body shots but Cairo turns the tides as ZMAC is trapped in the corner now. Cairo climbs the turnbuckle and starts to connect with mounted punches.
ZMAC is able to grab ahold of Cairo's legs and lifts Cairo up and nails him down with a spinebuster. Cairo no sells it as he gets back to his feet. ZMAC turns around and takes a swing, but it's blocked by Cairo, who lights ZMAC up with right hands.
Zach Davis: Cairo rocks ZMAC but ZMAC starts to battle back.
Both men clobber the other before trading shots in a more traditional fashion.
Zach Davis: Right hand by Cairo.
Freddy Whoa: Right hand by ZMAC.
ZMAC steps in and starts hammering away at Cairo. He presses Cairo up against the ropes, using his size advantage to overpower The GawdFatha, and starts hitting elbows to the side of the head. Once, twice, thrice... Cairo's eating elbows like Mer-bitch pussy.
Zach Davis: Cairo ducks. He turns the tables. ZMAC is up against the ropes.
Cairo returns the favors with a barrage of elbows. He takes ZMAC by the arm and whips him into the ropes, but follows him, running at full force.
Gravedigger: Cairo cums right after ZMAC with a high knee to the gut, just as ZMAC bounces off the ropes.
ZMAC back-body drops Cairo out of the ring, but Cairo skins the cat-- only to walk right into a crude STO.
Zach Davis: All that effort by The Godfather was for naught.
Freddy Whoa: But wait-- there's more!
Cairo gets to his feet, as if nothing happened, and arm-drags ZMAC. Cairo leads ZMAC into a series of arm-drags and drop kick spot.
Freddy Whoa: World's Greatest Dropkick! Shades of Louis Bartkowski!
Gravedigger: Midwest Mad Man! WUT!
ZMAC gets to his feet, as Cairo immediately lifts him into a Fireman’s carry.
Zach Davis: Cairo looking for that Death Valley Driver...
ZMAC pushes himself off. As Cairo turns around, ZMAC lifts him into a gorilla press.
Freddy Whoa: No! Cairo escapes! He's behind ZMAC!
Zach Davis: And ZMAC eats a superkick!
Cairo shakes his thick off after that Sweet Chin Music delivered to a Coked Up Mad Man, and the poons in the house go wild! ZMAC stumbles away. Cairo goes to follow ZMAC, but ZMAC turns around and hits a Clothesline from Hell, /OUTTA NO-WYAH!
ZMAC presses his knuckles into the mat and pulls himself up.
ZMAC: BOOT PARTY!
ZMAC hits the ropes for his BOOT PARTY punt kick...
Gravedigger: But NO! Cairo saw it cumming and he moved outta the way!
Cairo to his feet now. ZMAC turns towards him, as Cairo connects with a step-up enzuigiri into a snapmare. Cairo hits the ropes on a seated ZMAC and connects with a flipping snapmare over ZMAC's head.
Zach Davis: Who'da thunk we'd see a wrestling match between these two?
Cairo stalks ZMAC as he gets his legs under him. Cairo with the roll up...
Freddy Whoa: Wait... did Cairo just pin ZMAC and count his own pin?
ZMAC rolls out of the pin and sunset flips Cairo.
Zach Davis: Cairo just counted a pin against himself.
Gravedigger: The coke is startin to kick in.
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC pinned Cairo!
Cairo kicks out.
ZMAC and Cairo get to their feet as ZMAC starts to argue with Cairo.
Zach Davis: They're actually debating the pinfall.
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC just shoved Cairo.
Gravedigger: And Cairo's yelling back, saying he's the ref, pointing at the zebra stripes. He's threatening to DQ ZMAC.
Freddy Whoa: In cums Zip Wingdinger. He's trying to tell them that the pinfalls don't count and that he's the ref.
Zach Davis: All that cocaine is scrambling their heads.
/R-CAIRO OUTTA NO-WYAH!.exe
Gravedigger: Zip gets hit by an R -CAIRO! No one tells Bobby Cairo what to do. Nobody puts Bobby in a corner.
Cairo gets up.
Zach Davis: Wait a minute! There's ZMAC! World Tour '69!
Freddy Whoa: The DDT plants Cairo down.
ZMAC looks back at the bag and points. He takes off and hits the ropes, he bounces off and leaps into the air for a Curb Stomp.
Zach Davis: ZMAC connects!
ZMAC feels satisfied that Cairo is down for the time being and heads for the turnbuckle. He slowly climbs the first pad and then the second. He steps up onto the top pad and reaches for the bag.
Gravedigger: Oh look at that, Cairo is getting to his feet. OHH Ye'ah.
Crowd: BOB-BEE! BOB-BEE! BOB-BEE!
Freddy Whoa: Cairo shakes the cobwebs loose and darts for ZMAC!
Zach Davis: Looks like he's going for a spring--
Gravedigger: OHH MY GAWD!
Zach Davis: Bobby Cairo with a springboard R-CAIRO to the outside!
Crowd: HOE-LEE SHITT!! HOE-LEE SHITT!! HOE-LEE SHITT!!
Freddy Whoa: Bobby Cairo just R-CAIRO'd ZMAC off the top turnbuckle and to the floor!
Gravedigger: Bobby just landed feet first into the barricade. He basically drop kicked it. I think he even smacked his head off the mat. That's another thing. Fuck the Nevada Boxing Commission for making us use mats.
Freddy Whoa: We're in Florida, Digger.
Gravedigger: Shut up, Freddy. We're in Nevada if I say we're in Nevada.
Zach Davis: No matter how you wanna slice it, both men are out. But I think ZMAC took the worst of it. His chest, face and stomach took the brunt of that impact.
Crowd: Let's go ZMAC / Bob-by C!/ Let's go, ZMAC / Bob-by C!/ Let's go, ZMAC / Bob-by C!
Zach Davis: And it's Bobby Cairo who makes it to his feet.
Gravedigger: Listen to the crowd. They're beside themselves!
Cairo staggers over to the apron and props himself up on it. The left knee then the right knee. He gets to his feet and starts to climb the turnbuckle. The first pad, then the second and finally the top. Cairo reaches for the bag, but is suddenly shaken and he falls crotch first onto the turnbuckle.
The poon gasps in horror.
Crowd: NOOOOOO! NOT THE THICKNESS! NOOOOOO!
Gravedigger: There he is! ZMAC is cat walking on the top rope!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Zach Davis: Zombie McMorris! Rope walk!
Gravedigger: I can't fucking believe it!
Crowd: Z-MAC! Z-MAC! Z-MAC!
Zach Davis: Zombie McMorris just rope walked from halfway across the ring and--
Zach Davis: ZMAC with a Hurricanrana to Bobby Cairo off the top rope! What brand of pure uncut Poon Guinea blow is inhabitating this Coked Up Mad Man's system?!
ZMAC gets to his feet and starts looking underneath the ring and cums up with a chair.
Freddy Whoa: And the weapons game, right out in front of us.
ZMAC waits for Cairo to get to his feet and takes a wild swing.
Gravedigger: Cairo ducks it.
ZMAC turns around as Cairo connects with a kick to the gut and a DDT! Cairo snatches the chair up and climbs up on the apron.
Freddy Whoa: You think he's going to smash that over ZMAC's head?
Cairo looks to the turnbuckle and smiles an evil smile.
Gravedigger: He's going to the top rope.
Cairo perches himself atop the turnbuckle...
Freddy Whoa: Arabian facebuster to ZMAC!
Cairo gets up and limps towards the announce table and takes a seat, stealing Zach's headset.
Bobby Cairo: What's going on?
Freddy Whoa: Shouldn't you be winning the match?
Bobby Cairo: I'd say I'm well on my way to doing that, Chris Tucker lite. But yah- fuck it. I'm just going to spark meee a blunt and kick back. Put my feet up. Dig on somma deez fine titties in attendance tonight, ya heard?
Cairo reaches into his boot and pulls out a blunt. He takes out a match and lights up.
Bobby Cairo: So let The GawdFatha get this straight: Seth doesn't want to give me a mawfawkin' rematch against Beckman? Has to give me this shit? Fuck this shit. The Gawd Fadda ain't amused, bemused, nothin. Dis ZMAC nigga can suck a dick up in a pick-up until he hiccup for all I care. Straight up waste o' my exceedingly valuable time.
Gravedigger: So what are you going to do about it?
Cairo rolls his neck and pops that shit into about a thousand different phases of feelin' fine.
Bobby Cairo: Tear the fucking house down, that's what. Here, Digger, hold my blunt.
Cairo puts the blunt and headset down and heads back to ZMAC with clubbing blows from his mighty Poon Guinea clobbering paws and such. ZMAC withstands them shits and connects with a powerslam of his own in retaliation. ZMAC makes his way over to the table and picks up Cairo's blunt. He takes a few puffs as Cairo cums back with a stiff right hand and battles ZMAC back into the crowd.
ZMAC flips over the barrier as Cairo follows, Cactus Jack-stylee. They brawl well into the meat of the crowd and get lifted up onto the shoulders of the fans. They get handed cups of beer and start knocking them back.
Zach Davis: That craft beer is something else, huh? I heard it was imported from Cairo's Colorado microbrewery especially for this match.
Gravedigger: Beer man! Hey, beer man! Give Digger a coupla brewskis, huh!
The crowd abruptly parts ways like the Red Sea and allows for ZMAC and Cairo to square off in a right said CAWK fight.
Zach Davis: They have those novelty foam cowboy hats on. They got a beer tray in one hand and – and...
Gravedigger: Chairs. They each have a steel chair. Wrapped in BOBBED WYAH!
Freddy Whoa: There's a huge hole in the middle of the area. The floor seats have becum standing room only.
Zach Davis: ZMAC at one end, leading the yellow hats. Cairo at the other, leading the orange hats.
“Nemesis” By Arch Enemy hits the PA at full power.
"We walk this Earth
The crowd roars to life as the mass sea of humanity clashes with a wall of death! ZMAC and Cairo clank and duel with steel chairs while they can before their mounts fall to the ground after several seconds of dueling.
"We are with you
Both men hit the ground on their feet and continue dueling as the crowd moshes out to Arch Enemy. Fans are knocking into both men and even take a few swings, but ZMAC and Cairo make no bones about cracking a few extra skulls in the middle of their own steel chair duel.
"We are legion
Freddy Whoa: Fans getting flesh ripped from bone by that mesh of BOBBED WYAH and craniums gettin cracked just because! This is the most carnage I've EVAH seen!
Gravedigger: They're fightin' ERRbody! Steel chairs are connecting with human skulls and they don't give a fawk! BOBBED WYAH rippin through skin like a HAHD thick through a supple poon! This is Dub Cee Eff!!
"We are enemy
Crowd: DUB CEE EFF! DUB CEE EFF! DUB CEE EFF!
ZMAC takes a shot to the gut and then to the head! Blood gushin like a mofo. Cairo lifts the chair up high in celebration but gets beer dumped over his head. Bobby turns around and lands a vicious chair shot onto the fans standing behind him. Cairo turns around...
"One for all - All for one
Cairo takes the same gut / head shot combo. ZMAC doesn't need any outside aggravation. He just takes another rail of coke and starts cracking fans without prejudice. He tosses another vial of coke at Cairo. The mass of inhumanity becums a dotted sea of steel blue chairs!
"A malicious fever burns
Freddy Whoa: The fans are taking up arms! This isn't good.
Zach Davis: There's women and children in the audience.
Freddy Whoa: I think they all went to higher ground. They're hanging off the archway entrances, trying to get to the next level.
Zach Davis: I think the fans are- no.. no.. ZMAC and Cairo, are both coked up and standing back to back. The fans rush in and the fans fall with sickening thuds and cracks of steel on skull. It’s a sea of madness as fans from all over the area swarm to the floor seats to try their luck against DAT GAWD DADDY AND EVIL INCARNATE. The duo hold the Loyal off as long as they can, but they are getting overwhelmed by the nineteen-thousand in attendance.
Zach Davis: It’s a sold out crowd. It’s a sold out crowd and thousands are flocking to the action.
Freddy Whoa: Why are these white boys so crazy?
Zach Davis: But they are starting to get over-run by the crowd.
Gravedigger rips his headset and shirt off, he grabs his chair and heads into the fray.
Gravedigger: I’m goin’ to get me a piece of the action.
Gravedigger grabs his chair and heads into the fray and connects with chair shots and GRAVE MARKER clotheslines.
“Black Label” by Lamb of God hits the PA system.
Zach Davis: Great, now what?
The fans clash and square off against each other. ZMAC and Cairo take no prisoners as they lay waste to anyone who cums near. Gravedigger works his way through the crowd.
Zach Davis: Thi- I- This is incredible! HAM SAMMICH! HAM SAMMICH!
Freddy Whoa: I've never seen anything like it!
Zach Davis: This is a WCF first! A FULL ON FAN RIOT WITH STEEL CHAIRS! Zombie McMorris, Bobby Cairo and even Gravedigger are battling it out against the WCF Loyal.
Chants of “DUB CEE EFF” echo throughout the arena.
Zach Davis: This is the most out of control thing I have ever seen!
Freddy Whoa: The entire floor section of the arena has degraded into one massive chair brawl.
Zach Davis: I'm glad we're on this side of the arena. But I wonder how Gravedigger is handling the situation without MS-13?
Freddy Whoa: Probably like a punk bitch! Cracka racist!
Back in the crowd, the steel blue chairs are being swung as people are being knocked to the ground, flesh ripped from their fat American faces. Gravedigger somehow fights his way over to Cairo and ZMAC and the three go back to back and level ERRbody. Cairo and ZMAC are absorbing chair shots, but the cocaine makes it feel like a pillow fight.
Zach Davis: Now the middle section is jumping into the mess of it. They are being body surfed all around the arena!
Crowd: DUB CEE EFF! DUB CEE EFF! DUB CEE EFF!
Freddy Whoa: I can't even see them. The crane camera is following them. Obama got drones in here following this action, Zach.
Zach Davis: Absolutely! Although I think Cameraman Stu is in there somewhere, swallowing them poon-tinged VAY-PUHZ.
Freddy Whoa: Look, look. The guys are fighting their way up into the middle section. It's a lot more calm there. Like the eye of a hurriCUNT.
The fans pull Cairo up first over the first entrance tunnel. Then ZMAC. Both men turn around and lift up Gravedigger. He puts his hands on their shoulders as he gets his feet on the ground...
Zach Davis: Oh no! Cairo and ZMAC just hit a double jaw jacker to Gravedigger and he flew backwards over the rail and into the rioting crowd!
Cairo and ZMAC continue to brawl and deliver chair shots to each other. Gravedigger gets lifted up on the other end and crowd surfed back to the announce table. He gets dumped over the barrier and dusts himself off like nothing happened.
Zach Davis: Gravedigger, it's good to see you back.
Gravedigger: Let me tell you something, Monsoon: If Murray calls, I am not the father. You got that?
Zach Davis: Gravedigger, what happened out there?
Gravedigger: Legally, I don't think I'm allowed to talk about it.
Back in the middle section ZMAC has Cairo backed into a family of fans.
Freddy Whoa: That little boy! That little boy, he's standing in ZMAC's way!
Gravedigger: He better get out of there if he knows what's good for him.
Zach Davis: Look! Look! He's a Cairo fan! A little Cairo fan is standing in the way of ZMAC!
ZMAC raises his fist into the air and he's met with a mixed reaction from the crowd.
Freddy Whoa: Even these Miami cannibals aren't that bloodthirsty.
Zach Davis: The fan turns around and hugs Cairo! He's-- he's a human shield.
Gravedigger: Or a hostage.
Cairo looks at the boy and notices his shirt... “C-Nation” it says.
Bobby Cairo: The Fuck?
Cairo throws the kid towards ZMAC...
Zach Davis: Big Boot by ZMAC! That- that kid couldn't have been more that eight or nine...
Gravedigger: More like six.
Freddy Whoa: How's that better?
Gravedigger: Six is the new black- or something. Kids are more and more mature these days. O- that reminds me. If Chris Hansen calls... I only went there for the free cookies.
The father of the boy now gets in ZMAC's face for assaulting his son.
Zach Davis: And that dad, rightfully upset.
/R-CAIRO OUTTA NO-WYAH!
Bobby Cairo with an R-CAIRO! To the dad. He picks up the man's limp body as he and ZMAC toss it down into the lower section like disposing of a dead body. They then turn their attention to the mom.
Gravedigger: I think she likes where this is going. It's not every day you get to make it with a real man. Let alone two. It's a CUMplete night of fam-LEE fun.
Freddy Whoa: Get the camera away. I don't think we can air that.
Zach Davis: I don't even think we can talk about it.
Gravedigger: I can because this is DUB CEE EFF! And I don't give a fuck. It's a two on one situation. ZMAC has her from the back as the mom works over Cairo's thick with her mouth. Sucky sucky from the mouth poon. Ooh yeah, beech. Digga likes dat. Reminds me of the ring rats I used to get back in the day. Complete three-hole penetration. Rack and POON-YUN steering. WUT!
That club bangah hits the PA system and the crowd goes wild. You know the one--
Lil Jon: FIRE UP THAT LOUD, ANOTHA ROUND OF SHOTS... TURN DOWN FAH WUT!!
Poon be gettin smashed up and down on some swizzle stick action while thicks be weaving and bobbing with that southpaw GRAMMAH up in hurr. Up in the middle vector of the intersector, Cameraman Stu has made his way towards the action and films its erotic poon smashing visuals for XXXclusive release on PoonGuineaDOTcumSLASHgov.
Freddy Whoa: It seems the WCF Universe are getting an extra special treat tonight.
Gravedigger: I have the right mind to go over there and slap you, Freddy. Pft. "WCF Universe." That's some PG-rated nonsense if I ever heard it. It's the WCF Loyal and right now the WCF Loyal are watching two grown men have consensual relations with a grown woman. It's nature. All of it. It's a beautiful thing, but you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? Do you not have a mirror in that broom closet you call an apartment?
Zach Davis: Guys, please. We might not even have jobs next week with what's going on. The fans are still going crazy with chairs, ZMAC and Cairo are - - HAVE just...
Gravedigger: Painted the town white, so to speak. It's a blizzard in Miami in more ways than one.
Freddy Whoa: And they toss the spent and wasted MILF down into the pit of WCF Loyal. She ain't pretty no more, fellas.
Gravedigger: Such is life.
The middle section has erupted into chants of “Poon-Smashin'!” as ZMAC throws a bucket of popcorn at Cairo and connects with a knee lift to the face. ZMAC tries for a series of mounted punches, but Cairo finally yanks his trunks over his expansive thick and throws ZMAC off with a monkey flip. The two are back brawling into the main hallway of the arena.
Zach Davis: Two men just fighting it out and this cocaine is just sitting here.
Gravedigger: There's no rules, Zach. Are you going to be the one to go up there and tell them what to do? You saw what happened to Zip. You saw what happened to that family. All those fans that were brutalized. Even me, the Diggah of Graves! I got Molly Wopped. Caught a Eye Jammy. Do you want to be next?
Zach Davis: Certainly not.
Cameraman Stu follows the action as Cairo lifts ZMAC up and heaves him over one of the concession counters. Cairo hops the counter, going for them HEAVE HOE YOU'RE A PEE-IN' UPPAHCUTS, but Bobby gets hit with a boot to the gut and several overhand shots to the back. HE GOT CAUGHT IN A STRAIGHT CLUBBERIN'!
Cairo, ever the elusive deity of all things thick, elbows his way out of the situation and the two men lock up. Cairo immediately hits a snap suplex and rolls backwards on top of ZMAC and starts slamming his head against the floor.
Crowd: DUB CEE EFF! DUB CEE EFF! DUB CEE EFF!
Cairo pulls ZMAC up and goes to whip him into the concrete wall... but it's reversed by ZMAC and Cairo lands with a thud.
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC reverses the Irish whip.
Zach Davis: And he connects with the big boot.
Gravedigger: And look at Cairo, he's slumped to the ground.
ZMAC walks away and goes over to the draft beer dispenser and sticks his head under it, drenching himself in some domestic light beer. He takes a mouthful and spits it at Cairo before spitting the rest at the fans.
Gravedigger: That disgusting pisswater American BEE-YAH! Blind a GawdFatha. Oh, the inhumanity of it all!
Zach Davis: ZMAC takes out another vial of cocaine. Makes you wonder how much he has in there?
Gravedigger: Four---nah, SIX kilos, Zach? That thing is damn near as big as the Eiffel Tower. But here cums Cairo with a German suplex... FROM BEHIND.
Freddy Whoa: And the vial goes flying.
Zach Davis: Right into the deep fryer!
ZMAC gets back to his feet and the two men brawl again, but ZMAC gets the upper hand and drags Cairo over to the fryer.
Zach Davis: He's going to kill him! ZMAC's going to shove Cairo's face into the fryer! Cairo made the biggest mistake that a grown man can-- you don't mess with the Coked Up Mad Man's stash!
Gravedigger: He's blocking it! Cairo with an elbow, then a headbutt...
Gravedigger/Freddy/Zach: OH MY GAWDFATHA!
Zach Davis: ZMAC just went face first into the deep fryer!
ZMAC's body twitches and goes limp as it slumps to a sizzlin' crisp on the floor.
Freddy Whoa: Bobby Cairo just killed Zombie McMorris! Bobby Cairo just killed Zombie McMorris!
Zach Davis: This is- I have no idea. This match is just nuts.
Gravedigger: Somewhere, The Springfield Pervert is doing what he does best.
Cairo backs away and collapses over the counter, too weak to continue...
Zach Davis: I guess that we don't have a winner? Bobby Cairo is unable to move and ZMAC is, well- not alive.
Freddy Whoa: So what about the cocaine?
Zach Davis: It's just a bag filled with baby powder. You think Seth would be stupid enough to have a real bag of cocaine suspended from a pole?
Gravedigger: And do you honestly think Cairo and ZMAC would fight over a bag of baby powder?
Freddy Whoa: You both have good points.
Gravedigger: Pft. Zach still be gettin' his mawms to read him Doctor Seuss stories before bed and sheet, mang.
In the arena the few fans still standing look up and notice on the big screen that both men are out of commission and the ring is empty, albeit for the coke.
Zach Davis: I should feel relieved that everyone stopped fighting, but there is an unguarded bag of cocaine in the ring and a legion of WCF Loyal who are just waiting to take a bump.
Like ravenous wolves, the fans jump the barricade as some of the WCF talent run out to cut them off.
Zach Davis: It's Ben Dover, Keith Vegas, Cryboy McEmo and Hardcore McMurderkill.
Freddy Whoa: Here cums Hugh Jazz, Captain Sparrow Jackson, and Three Finger Hank.
Gravedigger: And they’re all being led by THE MID WEST MAD MAN! Louis Bartkowski!
The wrestlers hit the ring as they shit kick the fans back out of the ring, but the fans return with chairs! WITH BOBBED WYAH! Some fans go under the ring and pull out tables and heave them into the ring with a group effort.
Zach Davis: The fans have tables. O no! They found the lighter fluid.
Digz: Why do we even keep that under there?
The fans fight off the jobbers as Bartkowski holds his own with a series of World's Best Dropkicks.
Zach Davis: And the tables are on fire! I repeat, the tables are on fire!
Freddy Whoa: Get in there, Gravedigger! You're one of them?
Gravedigger: One of who? Do you see ICE Beckman or Joey Flash in there? Do you see any superstars in there getting their heads caved in by steel chairs? No. Just the job guys. I am not one of them. Why don't you get in there, Freddy? You can defeat them with your wit and ugly face.
Freddy Whoa: You sayin a black man can't look good?
Gravedigger: No, I'm saying because you're ugly. And yes, because you're black.
Freddy Whoa: I hate you.
Gravedigger: Good. Now why don't you go take out your frustrations on the guy from thirty-nine B or seventeen D?
The jobbers are getting smashed with chairs and falling through the ropes.
Zach Davis: Well, that didn't last long. The jobbers are... well, jobbing.
Gravedigger: No surprise there. Jobbers job. That's Seth Lerch booking for you.
Freddy Whoa: It's Bartkowski alone in the ring, surrounded by rabid fans and flaming tables.
Zach Davis: And Bartkowski without fear, charges the group.
With spaztik kicks and punches, Louie fights his way over to the turnbuckle and climbs it. It's no luck though as the fans grab him and throw him into one of the flaming tables.
Zach Davis: This isn’t good. All the jobbers, even Bartkowski couldn’t get the fans under control.
“With Oden On Our Side” hits the PA system.
Freddy Whoa: It's Odin Balfore!
Zach Davis: Odin's cum to restore order.
Gravedigger: Business just picked up. Those fans better scram before Balfore kills them.
Odin runs down to the ring and slides in. Some fans flee in terror, but the really drunk and stupid ones attack Odin with chair shots. Odin gets to his feet, shrugging off chair shots from keyboard warriors and couch quarterbacks. He starts headbutting and big booting fans out of the ring, then he drops the shoulder straps and signals for THA END.
Gravedigger: I love it. Balfore's just knockin guys around. I'm gettin' a chubber here, fellas.
Freddy Whoa: But wait! It's another fan! Another fan just slid into the ring with a chair.
The new fan turns Odin around and cracks him over the head with a chair, then hits a devastating cutter.
/R-CAIRO OUTTA NO----NO!! /MURDER OF CROWS OUTTA NO-WYAH!!
Zach Davis: It's Scarecrow!
Freddy Whoa: Scarecrow from behind! Getting revenge for that Kaz Mazy match at ONE.
Gravedigger: That ungrateful piece of shit! Odin Balfore is a legend! Odin is a locker room leader and the current head of talent relations. He's out here trying to do his job and this jerkoff went and interfered with official company business. If we get sued, it's Scarecrow's fault.
Zach Davis: But not yours for condoning and participating in that chair brawl?
Gravedigger: I have a crack team of lawyers with me at all times and everyone signed their legal rights away as soon as I hit them with a chair. Do you see any lawyers in that ring? No. All you see is a bunch of drunken stupid idiots and their drunken stupid idiot juggernaut, Scarecrow.
Scarecrow turns around amidst celebrating fans...
Freddy Whoa: Odin Balfore gets back to his feet.
Gravedigger: And he's got Scarecrow by the throat. The strawman is about to go for a ride.
Zach Davis: No! No! The fans surround Balfore and take out the legs of the giant!
Scarecrow looks on as the fans beat down Odin Balfore before he crosses between the ropes.
Zach Davis: Gravedigger, where are you going?
Gravedigger gets up, ripping his headset off for a second time and confronts Scarecrow, who's still on the apron. They start arguing with each other, but Scarecrow isn't having any of it. Odin Balfore starts throwing fans off of him and gets to his feet. Odin makes his way over to the ropes...
Zach Davis: I think Scarecrow better turn around.
Odin Balfore grabs Scarecrow by the back of the head and flings him back into the ring. Scarecrow tries to recover, but Odin grabs him by the throat and lifts him up into the air...
Freddy Whoa: RAGNAROK!
Zach Davis: No! Chokeslam to the outside!
The fans quickly pick Scarecrow up and carry him across the barrier and out of harm's way as Odin Balfore makes chase after him. Gravedigger walks back over and gets back on the headset.
Gravedigger: Punk ass. He's lucky Odin was there because if he didn't do it, I was gonna.
Freddy Whoa: You were ready to cum out of retirement?
Gravedigger: I'm always ready. He's lucky, too. I woulda bounced my pension up and down his ass and walked it dry. Big thick sty-lee, nugguh.
Freddy Whoa: But you're a wrestler, you don't get a pension.
Gravedigger: I worked in WCF HQ for years. Trust me, I get a pension.
Zach Davis: Well, gentlemen. The ring's clear, the bag o' drugs is still intact and our wrestlers are incapacitated. Maybe we can start the next match?
Freddy Whoa: That might be a good idea.
Zach Davis: Stu, Stu. If you can hear me, we're getting word that we're starting the next match. You can stop making your fan fiction snuff film now. You can cum back to the ringside area.
Stu slowly backs away but keeps his camera trained on Bobby Cairo, who starts to twitch. The fans cum alive to see Cairo has regained consciousness. He belly crawls over the counter and collapses to the floor again. Stu moves in closer again to see that Cairo is struggling to get to his feet.
Zach Davis: I think the cocaine has worn off and Cairo is feeling the effects.
Bobby Cairo: JAM WILLEH! SAVE ME, NIG-GUH!
A brilliant white light overwhelms the arena, temporarily blinding the Loyal and the announcers--
Freddy Whoa: What in the world is--
A sludgy, unmistakable, NOLA-based heavy metal riff hits the PA system.
"YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH EEEEEEHHHHHHHHH DYING FELT SO GODDAMN GOOD TODAY... IF I WAS EVER ALIVE WELL IT'S HARD TO SAY!"
Zach Davis: JAM WILLIS HEY-ZEUS! THE JAM WILLY JESUS! HE'S HERE! THE LORD AND SAVIOR IS IN MIAMI!
Gravedigger: Jesus wears denim! And he sells Bibles on the side of the interstate!
Jam Willy Jesus appears at the concession stand, wearing His Holy Garb of leather jacket and tattered jeans and Docs. He points towards the deep fryer. He beckons Cairo closer-- closer... closer.
Bobby Cairo: Jesus, you make the cocaine into... deep fried golden crispy Popeyes coke poon?
Jam Willy Jesus: And all-white breast meat, My Son.
Jam Willy places His Holiest and Divine clobberin' paw unto Cairo's brilliant Jew cranium. He blesses The GawdFatha and cleans his wounds.
Bobby Cairo: Yes, I can feel the power of your Most Holy Jizz, my LAWD and SAVE-YURR!!
Cairo rises to his feet and flexes his thick. Jam Willy's sludge metal theme has been replaced on the PA system by another classic American tune--
"UNO DOS-- ONE TWO TRES QUATRO! EHHHHHH WOOLY BULLY! WATCH IT NOW WATCH IT!"
Zach Davis: Wooly Bully up in hurr! And a conga line has formed in the concession area, being led by The GawdFawtha of POON-fessional Rasslin' and one thousand FffFF-W-INE Latina ass poons! Look at them booties bounce!
Freddy Whoa: And ZMAC joins in! The Zombie Monstah is gettin him some of that Latina Ass Crack Cocaine, deep fried forehead and all! It's a Jam Willy Murricle!
"MATTY TOLD HATTY, IT'S THE THANG TO DO... GET YOURSELF SOME POON, AND SMASH IT TOO! WOOLY BULLY! WOOLY BULLY!"
The entire arena is grooving to the Wooly Bully phenomenon. Ariana Grande was going to make a cameo to indulge in such thick conduct, but TRAGICALLY she was attacked by a scattering of doves in the parking lot and killed instantly. Her funeral procession turned into an extension of the conga line. It was a beautiful ceremony. Zombie did the honors, desecrating the Ariana Grande corpse poon with a violent shuddering of orgasm that shook the arena to its foundation.
Zach Davis: This is all great fun and games, but we've still got a match goin' on! Who's gonna get the cocaine on the pole? And will somebody pass me a piece of that crispy golden Popeyes coke poon?
Gravedigger: Nah, son. The Digger Monstah got that shiz on lockdown. You need to wipe ya chin and get some sleep, Zach. You thirsty, son.
Freddy Whoa: Gentlemen, I truly believe that these good times will never end. We have endeavored upon a new era of peace, prosperity and respect through diplomatic means, as spearheaded by Robert H. Cairo and Zombie McMorris--ANNNDDDD Zombie just stabbed Bobby with a switchblade that he pulled out of his boot! Never before have we witnessed such a HIGH-ANUS act of betrayal!
Gravedigger: We kinda did, Frankie.
Freddy Whoa: Freddy, Digger.
Gravedigger: Sorry, coke poon interacting with my brain cells. My point is, don't cha remember when D-LO C-LO stabbed Bobby last summer?
Zach Davis: The infamous Summer Of Love A.K.A. Shit Outta Luck in Paris. I remember it well, Digger.
Gravedigger: It's that turtle shell knife in the back all over again, son. Zombie McMorris shankin' fools like this was Oz. Zombie's going ballistic now-- he just dropped one of the conga dancers with a World Tour '69! OH NOEZ-- AXE WOUND TO THE BUBBLE BUTT. IT'S OVAH.
Zach Davis: From Axe Wound to ass wound. This is pandemonium. ZMAC is so coked up right now he's entering territory that only James Brown has previously tread upon. This is no man's land. Zombie's setting up Bobby for that Boot Party on the concrete floor now-- NO! Bobby Cairo, with knife still dug into his back, caught ZMAC's leg and ripped his knee out the socket with that Dragon Screw Leg Whip!
Freddy Whoa: That's that crispy golden Popeyes coke poon right thurr, son! ZMAC's clawing at Bobby's face, trying to rip the flesh off like a Rabid Honey BAD-JUH, but Bobby's hookin' him up for that Irresistible Bliss, that Two-Kay-Fifteen PerfectPlex joint!
Gravedigger: He hit it! Perfect bridge into the Perfect pin! And Bobby's wearing Mr. Perfect's ref gear from WM10! Perfect poetic justic, my manz! Bobby makes the count!
NO!! KICK OUT!!
Zach Davis: ZMAC got the shoulder up-- BUTT HOW!!
Freddy Whoa: Bobby is arguing with himself. He's saying it was a three but Bobby is saying it was two and seven-eights. Damn it was close, doe!
Gravedigger: I thought this match was over, fa realz. You can't even win a bag of coke on a pole match by pinfall, but it looked like The GawdFadduh was gonna defy them odds once again, ya heard? Wuddn't meant to be, doe.
ZMAC pulls himself to a vertical base, slugging Bobby's gut with them hard body shots. Stingin' shots. Bobby counters with a heel eye poke and a nut shot while the ref is distracted by them Latina bubble butts, them ass crack cocaine poons.
Zach Davis: Bobby bustin' out them Ric Flair tricks of the trade, and YEAH! Shin breaker. Bobby's setting up for the CAIRO PRACTAH!!
Cairo flips ZMAC's legs up for his high-angle Boston crab, but ZMAC is fighting it. He's resisting it. ZMAC counters into a small package!
Zach Davis: GawdFadda got his shouldah up!
Freddy Whoa: Unreal. These men keep battling, back and forth, back and forth. Bobby's leaking blood like a poon on the rag. ZMAC's entire head is a crispy golden hue from that trip to the deep fryer. Hell, I'm high as fudge right now on some Popeyes deep fried coke poon.
Zach Davis: That's that melting into the floor shit, Freddy?
Freddy Whoa: Yezzir.
Zach Davis: Dammit I wanna try!
Zach pouts while Bobby attempts to dress the wound in his back using the G-strings and thong panties from them Latina ass traps.
Gravedigger: A clever bit of veteran resourcefulness here by Bobby. He knows he can't win this match if he bleeds to death so he's dressing that stab wound before it gets any worse.
ZMAC attacks Bobby from behind with a double axe handle. He whips Bobby into the wall and Bobby's head hits hard. ZMAC grabs his switchblade and tries to stab Bobby one more time, but Bobby swats the knife from his hand, springboards off the concession counter and clocks ZMAC with a Yakuza Kick.
Zach Davis: BIG BOSS BOBBY CAIRO KICK, THAT SPRINGBOARD YAKUZA OFF THE CONCESSION STAND!
Bobby slaps the ground, feeling pumped after that big move, and lets out a ROAR. He measures ZMAC. The GawdFatha stalks ZMAC and waits for The Evil Incarnate to get back to his feet. ZMAC slowly, slowly, SLOW-LEE gets to a knee, and Bobby pounces with the scissor kick, BUT NO!
Zach Davis: COCK PUNCH! COCK PUNCH! ZMAC JUST LEVELED BOBBY RIGHT IN THE THICK WITH THAT FALCON PUNCH!
Gravedigger: GawdFatha DAMN! You see that? The thickness collapsed in parts. First the head went down, then the shaft, then the balls sucCUMbed. KRAY-ZEE SHEET, MANG.
Freddy Whoa: Bobby's rolling around on the ground in dire agony. ZMAC is staring at that cocaine on the pole. He's checking his vial. He sees that he's low. He knows it's time for a refill.
Zach Davis: Zombie McMorris is stalking to the ring! He's ready to win this match. Could this be it? Could this be the night that Zombie McMorris scores that feather in his crack pipe and knocks off the Fadda of Gawd?!
Bobby Cairo grits his teeth. He sees that Zombie is headed toward the ring, Latina ass poon conga line en tow. He knows that the situation is bleak. Bobby reaches down into his trunks and pulls out a syringe.
Zach Davis: Is that the... the POON GUINEA BLACK TAR?
Freddy Whoa: Yezzir. That man is about to get doped up like a sperm whale.
Gravedigger: Another savvy veteran move by The GawdFatha. I once saw the late, great Dusty Rhodes use this technique in a match against Harley Race. And of course Logan is also a known heroin user.
Zach Davis: That would explain a lot, actually.
Bobby lets the unsubtle nuance of the black tar eviscerate his veins before kipping up to his feet, which draws a HUGE pop from the capacity crowd.
Crowd: BOBBY C! BOBBY C! BOBBY C!
ZMAC cocks his head and sees Bobby charging at him with a headful of steam. Steam and jizz. ZMAC loads up his Doc Marten and doubles down on that big boot, but Cairo ducks and positions himself behind ZMAC before dropping him with the BACK CRACKAH.
Zach Davis: And there's Bobby Cairo with another big Bobby Cairo move!
Freddy Whoa: He's the technical wizard, Zach. The man with the plan. Thirty inches if it was the size of a junebug. Ya heard?
Gravedigger: What's Bobby doing now? He's scaling the fan barrier... looks like he's going for a Goomba Stomp! But ZMAC clobbahs him in midair with the big boot! Bobby is down and out! I repeat: Bobby is down and out! ZMAC scoops him up... CORKSCREW TOMBSTONE!! TOMBSTONE CITY!! Awesome move by The Coked Up Mad Man!
Crowd: Z-MAC! Z-MAC! Z-MAC!
Zach Davis: That could provide the opening that ZMAC needed!
Freddy Whoa: Poon opening to smash?
Zach Davis: No, no, to grab the coke from the pole, Freddy.
Freddy Whoa: Sorry. I'm melted into the floor here, homie.
Twisted thoughts enter ZMAC's brain as he stalks to the ring: "MUST HAVE COKE. NEED THE COKE. GOTTA COKE UP. STAB A BITCH IF I CAN'T GET MY COKE ON. ZMAC GOTTA GET THAT NOSE CANDY. COKE GONNA COKE, BRUH."
Zombie climbs onto the apron and begins to pull himself through the ropes, but he stops. He stops because above all of the furor and clamoring of the fans and the announcers he hears something. He hears the unmistakable sound of that solid gold Zippo lighting up a crack pipe. HIS crack pipe. ZMAC searches his trunks, his boots, his filthy mop of hair. Dammit. That JewFatha stole his pipe. ZMAC turns toward the aisle. He spies Cairo sitting there on the ground, smug grin on his face as he tokes them rat poison pellets and BASE LINED VENOM that permeate the pipe. That good shit. That Miami sheet, mang.
Gravedigger: Bobby had one last trick up his sleeve. He knew that crack pipe would CUM in handy. He knew it was ZMAC's kryptonite. There's that old Chinese proverb: Give a man a crack pipe and watch him smoke himself to death; steal a man's crack pipe and he'll watch you smoke yourself to death.
Zach Davis: Wise words, Digger.
ZMAC promptly exits the ring and makes a beeline toward Cairo. Cairo pulls himself up and stares into ZMAC's eyes, crack smoke pilfering from his ruggedly handsome Semitic mug.
Bobby Cairo: You want this pipe, don't cha, Zombie?
Zombie McMorris: You stole my crack pipe, bruh. You gonna die for that. You gonna die tonight.
Cairo takes another hit off the pipe. ZMAC's eyes grow wide with rage. He pummels Cairo with a clobbering blow and takes the pipe right outta Bobby's mouth. ZMAC takes a hit. Cairo turns tables and pummels ZMAC with a clobbering blow. Bobby steals the pipe back. They go back and forth taking hits and leveling the other man with a clobbering blow. Finally, the crack pipe gives up the ghost and blows up in their faces-- LITTER-UHH-LEE.
Zach Davis: Holy shit! ZMAC and Cairo are on fire! They done pulled a Richard Pryor! Get the FIYAH MAH-SHULL DOWN HEE-YAH!
Gravedigger: Bobby's beard is lookin like that Biblical burning bush, man. Burning bush. Like that First Lady Riri poon, from what I've heard. Seen it too. iCloud leaks and sheet, mang.
The fans gasp in a bout of night terrors as they witness Cairo and ZMAC struggle respectively to snuff the flames of hatred, rolling about the aisle way as stuntmen in a movie of the week scenario, only without the security blanket of staffers on hand with fire extinguishers.
A stirring CUMS up from the entrance way.
Zach Davis: Finally! It looks like help has arrived!
Freddy Whoa: Wait... what's that sound?
"TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!"
Gravedigger: It's TMNT Security! Diablo Calzone and Maurice Zangles are in the house!
D-LO C-LO and King Zangles run down the aisle to help snuff out those flames, aiding their longtime friends and confidants.
Zach Davis: Wow! True friendship! This is so wonderful to see! In a business with so many cutthroat scoundrels, it's life-affirming to witness a true act of brotherhood and compassion!
Zangles drops ZMAC with the Fishdick Driver while D-LO whomps on Bobby with that Shellshock Stunnah. The Godfather and The Honey Badger are laid the fuck out while TMNT Security stands talls amid a chorus of boos.
Freddy Whoa: What the FAWK! You can't do that! You're friends!
Gravedigger: They were friends, Zach.
Freddy Whoa: I'm Freddy!
Gravedigger: They were friends, Frankie. Best friends. But you know what they say about best friends: They make bettah enemies.
D-LO C-LO grabs a mic from one of the Latina conga line ass poons and starts taunting the fans with his middle shell, wagging it in their faces and such.
Diablo Calzone: You wanted an answer, Bobby? My answer is this: You just done got Honeydicked, son! Ya done goofed! You want to run this Poondock Saints trip? And you, ZMAC: You wanted to rep the Vapor Kingz while I was suspended? Nah, son. We ain't about that punk ass clap trap. TMNT Security is TAKIN' OVAH! Ya ass got GAWT!
D-LO C-LO hands the mic to King Zangles. Zangles appears furious. His handlebar mustache is zigzagging all over the place. His curly black hair rising to the rafters like a smokestack from a chimney in a sign of abject disdain.
Maurice Zangles: FISH DICKS YAH!!
Maurice slams the mic to the ground and kicks Bobby in the ribs for good measure as "TURTLE POWAH!" once again hits the PA. They make the title belt gesture around their waists.
Crowd: YOU SUCK! BOOOOOO!
Zach Davis: This is disgusting. A five-star classic match between two of the greatest competitors that this business has ever seen has been soiled, ABSOLUTELY SHAT UPON by TMNT Security. How can they live with themselves?
Gravedigger: They done seized the opportunity, Zach. They wanted to establish themselves as the team to beat and they done attacked two members of the top two teams in the Dub. Sounds like a reasonable plan to me.
As TMNT Security heads to the back, ZMAC and Bobby gradually begin to stir. Bile and feces escape their orifices as they find the wherewithal and fortitude to press on.
Gravedigger: Smells like somebody's cookin' chili up in here.
WHAM! Bobby punches ZMAC.
BAM! ZMAC punches Bobby.
THANK YOU! Bobby smashes a Latina conga line ass poon.
MA'AM! ZMAC smashes the Ariana Grande corpse poon.
Zach Davis: You know, I think that maybe, through all of the chaos that we've seen tonight, everything that Bobby Cairo and Zombie McMorris have put into this match, a new respect has been forged. We've seen competition, betrayal, death and resurrection, fornication, a whirlwind of emotions.
Gravedigger: Are you gonna cry, Zach?
Zach Davis: Yeah. I was gonna.
Gravedigger: You still want that Popeyes coke poon, don't cha?
Zach Davis: Yeah. I do.
Gravedigger: Nah. Not gonna happen.
'Digger snorts the last of that batch of crispy golden Popeyes coke poon. His nostrils reverberate with GAWDNESS, sending the feverished pitch all the way into his brain and his very soul.
Zach Davis: Gah. But I wanted some.
/RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP INTO THE FAN BURY-YAH!
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC just gained the upper hand! He's digging around under the ring now--
Gravedigger: What's he got under there, more moldy poon? More blow? A whambulance for the n00b bed shitters?
Cameraman Stu zooms in for the close-up shot under the ring.
Zach Davis: Footballs? Pigskins? WUT?!
Gravedigger: Deflated footballs, Zach. The New England Patriots have been here.
Thousands and thousands of Deflategate footballs are hidden under the ring, previously obscured from public view, now unearthed for the world to see thanks to the exposé work of Zombie McMorris. Zombie begins the work of ripping open each football in pursuit of coke, but he finds no luck. No Andrew Luck, to be sure. He don't want no mo' of that Pats beatdown.
Freddy Whoa: Now you're tellin' me Brady and Belichick are gonna keep denying what they did? What the world knows they did? This is crazy. This is like... an epidemic of deflated footballs. They're showing up in Miami now. What is this, all some kind of conspiracy? They shipping the blow to Miami from Poon Guinea inside of the balls, then deflating them to get the coke out?
ZMAC confirms that there is in fact trace residue of coke inside of them Deflategate balls, but he's scraping and clawing to gather enough of it together to get him high.
Zombie McMorris: This is bullsheet, mang. Bullsheet!
/R-CAIRO OUTTA NO-WYAH--NOOOOO!! ZMAC BLOCKS IT AND SENDS BOBBY HEAD FIRST INTO THE STEEL RING POST!!
Zach Davis: What a counter by Zombie Mack! Cairo just clanked off that steel like an aluminum bat colliding with a horse's head!
Freddy Whoa: Cairo, running on pure fumes, rebounds off the post and walks right into a /KICK WHAM STUNNAH by ZMAC!! BUT NO! Cairo counters with the Tornado DDT off the ring apron!
ZMAC sells the move at first but then does the ZOMBIE SIT-UP. Cairo sells being shocked, but then charges at ZMAC and hits him with that Hennig running neck snap, with the extra thick for good measure.
Gravedigger: Bobby just pointed to the bag of coke! He's making a move for that pole! Can Governor Thickness conquer his latest pole and grab the coochie?
Crowd: BOBBY C!
Crowd: ZOMBIE MACK!
Crowd: BOBBY C!
Crowd: ZOMBIE MACK!
Blood oozes from Bobby's body as he strides on ramshackle limbs toward the top turnbuckle pad.
Zach Davis: Yes! YES! He's gonna do it! The Godfather is within an arm's length of the bag of cocaine! That's a full-on kilo right there!
Gravedigger: ZMAC's not giving up though! He just slid into the ring and he's making a move toward Bobby and the coke!
ZMAC lunges at Cairo and tears that shit down like they been doin all night long.
Zach Davis: Cairo in a tree of woe.
ZMAC starts stomping away at Cairo before taking a few paces back and finally going to the adjacent corner. ZMAC runs full speed at Cairo and connects with a low dropkick to The GawdFaddah's head. Both men collapse to the ring, feeling spent. They both roll out of the ring and to the floor, on either side of the steel post. ZMAC looks under the ring and cums up with a bag full of thumb tacks.
Zach Davis: ZMAC sprinkling those thumb tacks all over the floor.
Cairo gets to his feet and rounds the corner with a flying forearm. Cairo gets to his feet again and picks up ZMAC for a suplex.
Freddy Whoa: Falcon Arrow to ZMAC onto those tacks!
Gravedigger: I always hated those tacks. That shit stays with you for days.
ZMAC sits up, clutching at his back as Cairo scales the barrier again and leaps off with a one legged dropkick, as to not land on those tacks. ZMAC smashes his back on the ground again and just lays there in a heap with his head, neck, back, arms and hands bleeding.
Zach Davis: ZMAC's fists are bleeding, he's clutching those tacks in his hands.
Freddy Whoa: But what's he doing?
Cairo walks back over and pulls ZMAC up by the hair, but ZMAC shoves him forward and spears him to the ground.
Zach Davis: ZMAC with that chloroform rag!
Freddy Whoa: But he's sniffing it?
Gravedigger: He's reviving himself.
ZMAC tries to smother Cairo with the rag, but Cairo manages to free himself and roll through the attack.
Zach Davis: Gogoplata! Shades of Odin Balfore!
Gravedigger: But the strength of ZMAC! He's just dead lifting Cairo. ZMAC might be a lanky dude, but he's got some serious strength.
Zach Davis: Powerbomb! Double powerbomb... trip... Noo!!
The Gogoplata takes its toll and ZMAC stays down.
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC counters into a bridging pin.
Bobby Cairo counts the pin.
NOO!! Cairo powers out.
The two men get back up but Cairo hooks up ZMAC for a stalling brainbuster.
Zach Davis: Both men are down again. You gotta ask yourself how much more these guys have?
Gravedigger: I dunno but I'm turnin up. I'm burnt.
Cairo gets to his feet first and crawls into the ring.
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC has Cairo by the feet and he yanks him out of the ring.
ZMAC smashes Cairo with stiff right hands, but Cairo steps behind and connects with a German suplex.
Zach Davis: ZMAC crashes into the barrier.
Gravedigger: Here cums Cairo...
Crowd: LET'S GO, CAIRO!
Freddy Whoa: And they crash through the barrier! Both men are down again.
Cairo manages to get up and starts throwing chairs at ZMAC, trying to keep him on the ground. Suddenly chairs start flying from all over the arena and start landing on the two; even Cairo gets trapped and becums buried under an increasingly large pile of chairs.
Zach Davis: And now they're both buried under a pile of chairs.
Freddy Whoa: And the Loyal are starting to light bonfires around the thing.
Zach Davis: Nah, Freddy, ya just stoned right now.
ZMAC starts to crawl out of the pile as the fans cheer.
Crowd: LET'S GO, ZMAC! LET'S GO, ZMAC! LET'S GO, ZMAC!
ZMAC walks over and steals a fan's beer to try and refresh himself as Cairo emerges from the pile to equal ovation.
Zach Davis: Kick to the gut by ZMAC...
Gravedigger: AXE WOUND! ZMAC just hit Cairo with an Axe Wound gut wrench powerbomb onto the pile of steel chairs.
ZMAC raises his arm in triumph as he heads back towards the ring.
Zach Davis: ZMAC in prime shape to win this, if he can make it to the ring and get to the turnbuckle.
ZMAC makes it to the ring as Cairo slowly gets to his feet.
Bobby Cairo: Hey, ZMAC... FUCK YOU, MUH NIG!
ZMAC turns to see Cairo telling ZMAC to go fuck himself.
Freddy Whoa: What's ZMAC going to do?
Gravedigger: Not take that shit layin down, that's what...
ZMAC hits the ropes.
Zach Davis: ZMAC's going to try a suicide dive? He can't reach Cairo from there?
Freddy Whoa: NO it's a springboard crossbody!
Gravedigger: NO! It's a mother fucking R-CAIRO onto the pile of steel chairs!
Zach Davis: How did ZMAC even bridge that distance?
Gravedigger: I don't care but that was AWE-SUM!
Both men are down, hurting like mofos, coked up to the gills and ready for more. That hunger is what drives them. Bobby manages to get up first. He rolls into the ring.
Zach Davis: Bobby's going for the bag of coke!
Freddy Whoa: So is ZMAC! He's following Bobby up the turnbuckles! This could get ugly!
Crowd: BOB-BY / ZOM-BIE! BOB-BY / ZOM-BIE! BOB-BY / ZOM-BIE!
The crowd reacts accordingly as the wrestling legends exchange HUGE American punches back-and-forth, Rocky and Apollo style. Finally, ZMAC looks staggered. And Bobby looks like he's on the verge of winning this shit. He grabs for the coke. But then ZMAC rounds off a big punch, and it's Bobby who's on limp noodle knees. ZMAC grabs for the coke. Then Bobby responds. They go back and forth.
Zach Davis: They're laying it all on the line here! What's this-- ZMAC setting up for that dump-out piledriver, the Deuce and a Half!
Zombie makes the move for his dump-out driver and gets Bobby up.
Crowd: HOEEEE LEEEEE SHEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!
ZMAC launches both himself and Bobby from the top rope for the Deuce and a Half as digital flashes go off around the arena. Time seems to stand still as the supahstahs fly off the top rope. Cairo adjusts his weight as ZMAC appears to lose his grip just a tad, fingers cummin' so close to that bag o' coke, scraping its poon just so. As Cairo scurries to reposition for his R-CAIRO, the fans recognize what's taking place and proceed to blow their loads. Cairo and ZMAC crash through the announce table. Cocaine goes flying everywhere. The bag had been knocked off the pole in the midst of their scuffle.
Crowd: THIS IS AWE-CUM! THIS IS AWE-CUM! THIS IS AWE-CUM!
Zach Davis, Freddy Whoa and WCF Hall of Famer Gravedigger are covered in pure uncut Poon Guinea blow.
Zach Davis: I think I just had sex. For the first time EVAH.
Freddy Whoa: Ya stupid, Zach. But the question is, who won? Did they both win?
Gravedigger: They can't both win? What's the point of having the match if they both win? That's like sex with your sister- it's a crime against nature. Unless your sister is Ariana Grande. The late, great. Damn fine poon on that corpse.
Zach Davis: Neither ZMAC or Cairo are moving. I think all that Poon Guinea Black Tar got to them. Who knows?
Freddy Whoa: All I know is that I'm soo deep into the floor, I need to climb Everest and tiptoe on Jam Willy's foe-head to see my feet.
Gravedigger: Here cums the meat wagon, out from the side of the stage. They park right in front of the ramp. Here they cum. Damn Standards and Practices, ruining everything. Let them fight! Let them kill each other! If this was Switches versus Greenfever, the match wouldn't be over until they both died at least twice.
The crowd boo's due to Johnny Shock Paddles and Tommy “Bring Me Back to Life” ovah hea.
Zach Davis: They're covered in coke. They're bloodied, beaten, deep fried and stabbed in the back. Let them fight!
Freddy Whoa: This is a sad day fo basebal, ya'll. First Jose Canseco, now this.
Zach Davis: And we still don't have a winner to this match.
Suddenly the arena grows dark as a drum and a guitar riff cums over the PA.
Gravedigger: Look up there on top of the tron! Is that... It IS!
Zach Davis: Mother fucking Axl Rose!
The spotlight shines on Rose as it widens and reveals the rest of the classic GnR crew.
Dat Axl Rose voice be all:
"I get up around seven
Just then the revving of a motorcycle engine can be heard as THICK-Ronto Mayor 4 Lyfe Robert "Sinister Prime Minister" Ford roars out onto the stage on his Ducati Scrambler.
"The show usually starts around seven
Zach Davis: It's Rob Ford!
Gravedigger: Rob Ford has CUM to the American Airlines Arena!
"We been dancin' with
Freddy Whoa: Why do, ervy tyme I'm in the South, a fat ol' white honky gotta carry a sword on his back? WUZZZ ZUP WID DAT!?
"I used ta do a little
Ford screams out of the gate in them Red and White shits with a Maple Leaf on the back of his leather jacket. Ford kicks on the nitrous and hits the jump at the end of the ramp, and flies over the ambulance as fireworks and confetti fall from the sky. Confetti falls from the heavens outside of the American Airlines Arena. Anuudah gift from Jam Willy. The Moped of Death billows smoke as it soars over the ring. Rob Ford jumps offa his Moped of Death and crashes to the ground like the Canadian Superman that he iz.
Rob Ford calls for the mic as he snatches it out of Kyle Steel's hands.
"We been dancin' with
Rob Ford: Now. Now... Bobby... ZMAC. What is this I see before me? Look around you. Look around. The WCF Loyal are on their feet. There be impregnated bitches left and right from all the glorious poon smashing that I, Rob Ford, have witnessed here tonight. Now you both want to lay there like a couple of spent bitches? Nah, son. Rob Ford, that Right Honorable T-Ron Mayor fo' lyfe ain't havin that.
"Now I get up around whenever
Rob Ford: Now I have a way that we can solve these issues. These folks here in Miami might not agree with it, but the fuck do I care? I, Rob Fuckin' Ford, I just so happen to have my two broadswords wit me. Excali-Badger and Excali-Poon...
"I used ta do a little
Rob Ford: You know what they say, when one man spills your coke, you must kill that man. So considering ya both done goofed, this seems to be the only way we can settle it.
"We been dancin' with
The Honorable Mayor 4 Lyfe unsheathes his broadswords and gives them to Cairo and ZMAC, who struggle to get to their feet.
Zach Davis: I don't believe it! We're going to have a battle to the death! A sword fight between Bobby Cairo and ZMAC! Excali-Badger starts to blow a dark red with the hate and anger of the Z-Nation as Excali-Poon glows that Bobby Cairo gold- cuz Bobby Cairo demands it and wills it with the power of his thick.
Cairo and ZMAC look at each other and nod, they know what must be done. They be livin them rules of the streets and if the rules of the streets demand one man gut another man like a fish for spilling his bag of coke, then so be it. Both men climb into the ring as the crowd chants.
Crowd: Let's go, ZMAC / BOB-BY C!
GnR look to strike up another joint, but there's a commotion up there on top of the tron.
Gravedigger: Seems to be a problem on top of the tron. Axl being the bitch that he really is. He's only playin one song.
Freddy Whoa: We already had one riot tonight, we don't need another.
Zach Davis: OH MY GAWD!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Gravedigger: Jam Willy has answered my prayers and may have just killed Axl Rose! Axl Rose has just been kicked off the tron by some unknown force of musical talent.
Unknown Force: That's for ruining my music!
Freddy Whoa: You white boys are crazy!
Gravedigger: Damn it! Rose just stole that HAWK gimmick!
Zach Davis: Who's that descending from the top of the American Airlines Arena?
Gravedigger: I don't believe it! It's Freddie Fucking Mercury!
Zach Davis: He's back from the dead! The power of the WCF Loyal brought him back.
Gravedigger: I always heard stories that Freddie went into a deep sleep in the middle of the earth, waiting for one thick moment to return and rock the house for one last time!
Them “We Will Rock You” drums start echoing through the arena!
Zach Davis: All of Queen has reunited. Possibly for the last time evah!
Freddie Mercury: All right! Let's go!
Cairo and ZMAC square off in the middle of the ring as Freddy Da Murk lets them vocals go. Princes of the universe. Highlander shit up in here.
"Here we are, born to be kings,
Reviving both competitors and delighting the ringside fans, Queen cranks out that Highlander theme, while Digger gets him sum more-a dat blow, snortin' lines off-a Latina ass crack like his name was Carlos Sheen.
ZMAC takes the first swing of his broadsword, that Excali-Badger. Cairo raises his Excali-Poon and meets his foe with the caress of steel.
"And here we are, we're the princes of the universe,
ZMAC works the Excali-Badger toward The Godfather's legs, trying to cut down them Uzbeki tree stumps, but Cairo showcases his agility, sidestepping ZMAC's attack and clobbering The Evil Incarnate with the handle of his sword, right upon ZMAC's noggin. ZMAC shakes off Cairo's onslaught and retaliates, slitting Cairo's ribcage, drawing blood-- well, MOAR BLOOD. Both men were already a sanguine mess, but ZMAC seizes the advantage as he presses Cairo back to a corner of the ring.
"I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings-- YEAH!
ZMAC charges, sword held high. Cairo rolls forward on the mat and splits the uprights, clocking ZMAC in the thick with his sword handle. ZMAC grimaces in pain. His Honey Badger reproductive system felt that one. He nearly drops his sword, but manages to hang on, and raises it just in the nick of time to avoid having his head split open like a watermelon.
"Born to be kings, princes of the universe,
Bobby Cairo: No man could understand!
Zombie McMorris: My power is in my own hand!
ZMAC swipes, jabs and lunges at Cairo, and slices open a bit more of that thick Godfather torso meat, drawing plasma and gasps from the crowd. Cairo responds, stabbing at ZMAC's face, giving him the Joker-style Chelsea Smile treatment with a twist of the Excali-Poon.
Zach Davis: This is so dangerous right now. I don't think either man is going to stop until he either kills or gets killed.
Gravedigger: That's the code of the Dub right thurr, boy. You want softcore porn? Go watch that Company Up North. This is the hardcore stuff right here. Snuff porn, son. I got one hand on the trigger and I'm ready to blow. Ya heard?
Freddy Whoa: TMI, Digger. All I know is that between the coke, the swordplay, and the Freddie Mercury factor... this is some kray-zee sheet right hurr, homie.
With both Cairo and ZMAC sensing that their kill is near, they each make a final play to end this fight once and for all. Cairo and ZMAC simultaneously leap into the air on some straight up ninja shit, and FALCON STAB them Excali-Shits right into each other's chest cavities. Each man falls to the mat like a SHOT and DEAD black bear in the back woods of Cairo's Colorado resort, casino and marijuana dispensery.
Zach Davis: Oh GawdFatha! They're dead! Bobby and ZMAC are dead! They just died!
Freddy Whoa: No, no, they're... just playing, right, Digger?
Gravedigger: Yeah. Uh. Playing. I have to make a phonecall to my attorney about an entirely unrelated legal matter. Excuse me.
As Digger scrambles to extract himself from any possible legal fallout/lawsuits, the crowd sits in stunned silence at the spectacle that it's witnessed inside of the ring. Even the members of Queen stop playing in the wake of the homicidal carnage that's unfolded.
Freddie Mercury: Well DAYUM... ain't that some shit?
Zach Davis rubs his eyelids, not quite sure whether what he's witnessed is real or all just part of some lunatic dream.
Zach Davis: The medical staff are tending to ZMAC and Cairo. We certainly hope that this isn't the last we've seen of these two great WAH-YAH's of the squared circle. I mean, with today's medical marvels--
/R-CAIRO OUTTA NO-WYAH TO THE EMT'S!!
/CURB STOMP TO THEM MAWFAWKS!!
Freddy Whoa: They're back! ZMAC and Bobby are back to life!
Gravedigger: They're on their last legs though. You can see they don't have much left. They're bleeding like a pair of stuck poons. Them linguine noodles in Cairo's hair have little if any remaining give. Hell, ZMAC almost looks human. Hurrible shit. Jus' turrible. Whoever musters the strength to strike that final death blow is gonna win this.
Zach Davis: It looks like they have that same idea in mind! Excali-Badger is risen to the BBDub heavens! Excali-Poon gives praise to Asgard! Both men are staggered but standing, perhaps on their last legs, as Digger suggested. Who's gonna strike first, and perhaps last?!
ZMAC and Cairo commence their campaign of killing. Feet move swiftly though awkwardly upon the mat. Polished blades of crimson and steel fly through the air. The fans await the outcum of the great battle with bated breath.
Freddy Whoa: What in the hell was that?
Cairo and ZMAC look at the ref with confused expressions upon their face. Cairo explains to them what's happened.
Zach Davis: I don't get it. Why aren't they hacking each other to pieces?
Gravedigger: I think I know what this is.
Ring announcer Kyle Steel talks to the referee, seeking clarification. Bobby explains the situation to him. Kyle's eyes go wide at first before settling down into his skull, per their usual.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen, referee Bobby Cairo has declared this match... A SIXTY MINUTE TIME LIMIT DRAW!!
Zach Davis: A draw?!
Freddy Whoa: After all of this bloodshed and insanity?
Gravedigger: Called it.
ZMAC and Cairo slump onto the mat, propping themselves up with their swords. Both men look battered and beaten, bloodied, pushed to their limits. Disappointed even. But then it happens. Their eyes lock.
Zach Davis: What are they gonna do here? A little action after the bell?
Freddy Whoa: The ref's gotta take charge here. These men have already been through hell. Bobby has to make sure that Bobby and Zombie don't get into any post-match shenanigans that could mar this instant classic.
Bobby holds up a vial.
Gravedigger: Cairo had that coke all along! He hid it beyond his thick this entire time!
Zombie McMorris: But why, Bobby? Why you hid the coke behind your penis, nig-GUH?
Bobby Cairo: I was gonna cheat. If it was close between us, if you grabbed the coke before me... I was gonna hit ya with a dick shot and pull this outta my thick, declare myself the winner. To your credit, it didn't CUM to that. To my credit, we're gonna bump this shit right now.
Zombie McMorris: My nig-GUH.
Bobby and ZMAC embrace in a pact of blood, poon-smashin' and powdah as the crowd roars its approval. Buddy Roman and Bolts Quackenbush suddenly appear at ringside to collect their respective proteges. Before ZMAC and Cairo part, they face each other at mid-ring and lock eyes once again.
Zombie McMorris: You know, this shit between us... it ain't ovah, nig-GUH. You know that, right?
Bobby Cairo laughed.
Bobby Cairo: Now that... THAT, my child, is the right question.
ZMAC and Roman disappear into a cloud of VAY-PUHZ, as Bobby and Bolts are carried from the ring upon the backs of a thousand-and-one Latina ass poons.
Zach Davis: Now, it's time for the match that everyone has been talking about.... THE ARMAGEDDON MATCH!!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!! That's right. The World Champion Natural ICE Beckman goes up against Steeltoe Joe.
Gravedigger: Don't forget that the rest of The Vapor Kings and Armageddon Now, Inc. will be ringside.
Zach Davis: Let's hope Stanley Moser is on his toes tonight.
Gravedigger: Let's hope he stays living during the match. Because.... HE'S OOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!!
Zach Davis: there's Kyle Steel, in the ring.
Kyle Steel: The following match is for the WCF World Heavyweight Chaaaampionshiiiip!!
The Arena goes dark, the entrance and stage area start to flicker with neon blue and white lights as "Cells" by the Sevant begins to slowly play through the PA system. Fog fills the entrance area and Steeltoe Joe along with "Gonzo" Deuce Murdock and manager Eric Price starts walking methodically to the beat of the music out of the midst of the fog. The fans are going nuts as Joe pumps his muscles, takes of his sunglasses to look around the arena to the masses of fans cheering and chanting his name.
Crowd: STJ!!! STJ!!! STJ!!! STJ!!!
Steeltoe Joe puts his sun glasses back on and starts to walk down the ramp.
Kyle Steel: Coming down, to the ring, with "Gonzo" Deuce Murdock and their manager Eric Price.... from Stockton, California... weighing in at 272 pounds!! This is "The Holy Flame" Steeltoe Jooooooooee!!
Joe makes his way to the ring steps and walks up them in a slow manner but then explodes through the ropes and climbs the turnbuckle facing the camera. He raises his arms in his presumed victory, points to Heaven and jumps off the turnbuckle. Deuce Murdock and Eric Price are in position.
Gravedigger: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the number one contender for the WCF world Heavyweight Championship.
Zach Davis: Now, we wait for the World Champion and the rest of The Vapor Kings.
The opening sample of "So Whatcha Want" by Beastie Boys fills the arena as the lights dim. When the song kicks in, strobelights flash throughout the arena and a spotlight hits the entrance. Buddy Roman takes the stage, followed by Natural ICE Beckman, Zombie McMorris and "The Mack" Steve Orbit. Buddy stands before them with a proud smile. The three men taunt the crowd for a few moments until a series of pyros explode and they are led down to the ring by Buddy.
Kyle Steel: Coming down to the ring with the rest of The Vapor Kings, weighing in at 245 pounds from foam Lake, Wisconsin.... The WCF World Heavyweight Champion..... NATURAL ICE BEEEEEEEEECKMAAAAAAANN!!
Zombie McMorris and "The Mack" Steve Orbit get comfortable. Stanley Moser motions to Kyle Steel.
Freddy Whoa: It looks like the referee is asking for the mic.
Stanley Moser: This is an Armageddon Match!! All of you are allowed to be ringside. But, let me warn you. If you get involved and I catch you doing it.... YOU'RE OUT OF HEEEEEEERE!!
Zach Davis: ICE Beckman and Steeltoe Joe circle the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Both men lock up....
Gravedigger: Just like that, Steeltoe Joe makes the first move with a scoop slam on the world Champion.
Beckman arches his back in pain.
Zach Davis: STJ drops an elbow on the World Champion.
STJ drops a leg across the chest of ICE Beckman.
Freddy Whoa: In just a couple of this match-up Steeltoe Joe is one fire!!
Gravedigger: Looks like the challenger is going for another elbow drop.
Zach Davis: THE WORLD CHAMPION MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!!
STJ misses with a leg drop attempt. Beckman quickly gets up and grabs for Steeltoe Joe.
Freddy Whoa: Scoop slam!! This it was ICE Beckman slamming Steeltoe Joe to the mat!!
Beckman grabs STJ....
Gravedigger: Beckman whips STJ into the ropes.
Steeltoe bounces off the ropes.....
Zach Davis: Dropkick by the world Champion.
The challenger slowly gets up and Beckman creeps up behind Steeltoe...
STJ bounces off the mat, after making contact from being tossed with a German suplex by ICE Beckman.
Gravedigger: Steeltoe is moving around and it looks like as if he leaves the ring. NO!! STJ is on the ring apron.
Beckman walks over and confronts Steeltoe Joe...
Zach Davis: Steeltoe Joe makes contact with a straight up right jab.
Beckman shakes off the jab and grabs for Steeltoe.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!! Steeltoe Joe kicks the champion in the mid-section.
STJ flies to the corner and climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Beckman staggers back, grabbing his gut.
Steeltoe Joe times this perfect as he flies off the top turnbuckle...
Gravedigger: Shoulder thrust on the world champion!!
ICE Beckman falls back and lands hard on the mat.
Zach Davis: Steeltoe Joe makes a quick cover on the World Champion!!!
Stanley Moser slides into position...
Crowd: ON-.... NOOOOOOOOOO!!
STJ grabs Beckman...
Freddy Whoa: The World Champion pops the challenger in the mid-section with a backfist.
Beckman grabs for STJ and whips him into the ropes and Steeltoe bounces off the ropes, but Natural ICE is already there....
Gravedigger: The World Champion nails Steeltoe Joe with a back elbow.
The elbow causes Steeltoe Joe stumble backwards. But, STJ loses his balance and falls out of the ring and lands ringside.
Zach Davis: LOOK AT THIS!!
Beckman grabs the referee, to have the ref look at his right eyes, from the punch he took from Steeltoe Joe. While at ringside, Zombie McMorris and Steve Orbit proceed to kick down an already downed Steeltoe Joe. Orbit picks up STJ and whips him towards the direction of Zombie McMorris...
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! BIG BOOT TO THE FACE OF STEELTOE JOE!!
Beckman still has the referee distracted. Both McMorris and Orbit grabs for Steeltoe Joe and throws him back in the ring. Beckman walks past the referee.
Zach Davis: Watch out, fellas!! Here comes the cavalry!!
Both Gonzo Deuce Murdock and Eric Price come a runnin...
The crowd inside The American Airlines Arena erupt with explosive cheers, as not only is there explosive action inside the ring, there is action ringside.
Freddy Whoa: Gonzo Murdoch just flew off the ring apron and connected with a flying clothesline on Zombie McMorris!!
Gravedigger: But, Steve Orbit just speared Eric Price out of his suit jacket.
Gravedigger: Both the champion and the challenger are fighting it out!!
Beckman slams a knee in the gut of Steeltoe Joe, then....
Freddy Whoa: T-Bone suplex!!
STJ stands up....
Zach Davis: The champion drops the challenger down to the mat with a dropkick.
Beckman grabs STJ and tosses him in the ropes...
Steeltoe throws Beckman to the ropes. STJ runs towards ICE Beckman, who swings an errant clothesline. Steeltoe Joe ducks underneath. ICE Beckman turns around....
Gravedigger: STEELTOE CATCHES ICE BECKMAN WITH A SUPERKICK!!
That superkick caught ICE Beckman off guard and the World Champion stumbles backwards and falls out of the ring. Gonzo Deuce Murdock and Eric Price charges at ICE Beckman!! STJ grabs for Stanley Moser. Price and Murdock grabs Beckman....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! DOUBLE SUPLEX!!
Murdock grabs for Beckman....
Zach Davis: This is getting out of hand. Gonzo Murdock just through the World Champion into that corner of the padded crowd barrier.
Steeltoe Joe leaves the ring. Zombie McMorris approaches STJ. Stanley Moser leaves the ring.
Stanley Moser: McMorris you make one contact with Steeltoe Joe, you and the rest of The Vapor Kings will be OUT OF HERE!!
STJ walks over to ICE Beckman. The World Champion grabs the waistband of Steeltoe Joe and pulls him towards the padded ringside barrier.
Gravedigger: The champion is proceeding to stomp down on the challenger!!
Beckman grabs for STJ. The champion picks up Steeltoe Joe
Zach Davis: ICE Beckman with a swinging neckbreaker on the outside, of the ring!!!
Deuce Murdock gets in the face of ICE Beckman!!
Stanley Moser: DON'T THINK OF IT, MURDOCK!!
As Beckman argues with Deuce Murdock....
Freddy Whoa: FLAPJACK!!!
Beckman shows heart, while he fights off the pain and stands up.
Gravedigger: BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!!
Steeltoe Joe grabs Beckman and throws him back into the ring.
Zombie McMorris grabs for Deuce Murdock....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!! SIT OUT POWERBOMB!!
Eric Price grabs Steve Orbit, from behind....
Zach Davis: OLYMPIC SLAM!!
Mcmorris proceeds to remove the commentary covering off and does the same thing to the monitors. Eric Price staggers over to where Zombie McMorris is at....
McMorris slams the head of Eric Price across the commentary table. Price slams a knee into the gut of McMorris.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! There's crazy action in front of us!!
Eric Price takes a wild swing at Zombie McMorris. Price misses....
Gravedigger: WORLD TOUR '69!! Double-arm spike DDT!!
McMorris picks up the limp body of Eric Price and places him on top of the commentary table.
Zach Davis: Eric Price doesn't look so well.
McMorris grabs Price in an gutwrench position.
Freddy Whoa: McMorris let's go of Price.
Gravedigger: EVERYONE WATCH OUT!!
The table collapses into multiple of pieces at Eric Price nails Zombie McMorris with a twist of fate!
Zach Davis: Reversal of Fortune!!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! I'LL SAY IT AGAIN... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!! Our table has been totally destroyed.
Crowd: THIS IS AWESOME!! THIS IS AWESOME!! THIS IS AWESOME!!
Steve Orbit stalks Deuce Murdock and spins him around...
Gravedigger: PIMP SLAP BITCHES!!
Murdock staggers around....
Zach Davis: DOUBLE UNDERHOOK FACEBUSTER!!
Steeltoe Joe charges at the World Chasmpion.....
Freddy Whoa: BEER BONG!!
Gravedigger: Sit down powerbomb.
Zach Davis: Beckman is going for the pin!!!
Stanley Moser slides into position,,,
Crowd: THREEEEEEEEE..... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Gravedigger: WHAT?!?!?!?! I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE ENOUGH FOR THE WIN!!
Beckman picks up Steeltoe Joe...
STJ nails a quick twisting neck breaker.
Freddy Whoa: DIVINATION!!
Zach Davis: That move made it look like Beckman's whole body gets twisted with the neck.
Gravedigger: Steeltoe Joe is going for the pin.
Stanley Moser slides into position,,,
Crowd: THREEEEEEEEE..... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
STJ picks up Beckman.
Zach Davis: Steeltoe Joe whips Beckman hard into the corner. With enough momentum Beckman bounces off the turnbuckles....
Gravedigger: SPEAR!! SPEAR!! SPEAR!!
Steeltoe Joe doesn't waste anytime and bolts over to the corner and climbs up.
Zach Davis: HERE COMES NATURAL ICE BECKMAN!!
Beckman grabs STJ....
Freddy Whoa: TOP ROPE T-BONE SUPLEX!!
Zach Davis: The ring shook with that super t-bone plex!!
ICE Beckman grabs Steeltoe Joe...
Gravedigger: A HANGOVER DDT!!
Freddy Whoa: That was a nasty spike ddt!!
Zach Davis: Beckman goes for the pin!!
Kyle Steel: The winner, of the match and STIIIIILLL WCF World Heavyweight Champion...... Natural ICE Beckman!!
Zach Davis: What an outstanding match!!
Freddy Whoa: ACTION PACKED MATCH!!
Gravedigger: GREAT MATCH!!
"300 Violin Orchestra" hits the PA.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Zach Davis: Oh my God, it's Jonny Fly!
Jonny Fly walks through the curtain, wearing a white suit and tie. He's all business. Behind him... is Meredith, the woman who has proclaimed to be Fly and Orbit's mother.
Gravedigger: What the hell is Fly doing here? Nobody's seen him since One!
Freddy Whoa: And he's with that woman! His... supposed mother, what's going on? Why now?
Outside the ring, Orbit's eyes are fixated on Fly and the woman. Z-MAC tries to snap him out of it, unsuccessfully. Fly puts the mic to his lips.
Jonny Fly: Steve.
Buddy Roman tries to stop Orbit from leaving ringside, but Orbit brushes past him. Orbit approaches Fly. Meredith stands behind him, holding a manila envelope.
Steve Orbit: What you tryin' to pull, Fly?
Jonny Fly: Look, I know this isn't easy for you. It hasn't been easy for me, either. Frankly, I don't care what you think about me, but I... I feel like it's my duty to come here and get you... and bring you home.
The crowd is silent. ICE and Z-MAC watch from ringside, as do Armageddon Inc.
Steve Orbit: Home?! The fuck you talkin' about, Fly? Don't tell me you buyin' into this bullshit.
Orbit points at Meredith.
Jonny Fly: It's not bullshit. She's real, Steve. She is who she says she is.
Orbit shakes his head.
Steve Orbit: NO!
Orbit begins to walk away, but Fly grabs his arm.
Jonny Fly: PLEASE. Just come with us. You NEED this, Steve. You need to know the truth.
Orbit turns around, and locks eyes with Fly. Then, he locks eyes with Meredith, who has tears streaming down her face.
Meredith: I'm sorry!
Buddy Roman approaches them, with Z-MAC and ICE Beckman in tow.
Buddy Roman: I think we've heard enough of this. Steve, let's go. Don't listen to another word. You know where your REAL family is.
Orbit looks at the Vapor Kings. Then he looks at Fly and Meredith.
Jonny Fly: Let's go.
Buddy Roman: DO NOT GO, STEVEN. Please!
Orbit puts his hands on his hips, thinking. He takes a step towards Buddy... and then turns around. He walks towards Fly and Meredith, and begins to leave with them.
Buddy Roman: MY DEAR SON! NO!
ICE and Z-MAC begin to chase after Orbit, but Buddy stops them.
Buddy Roman: No. Let your brother go... he'll be back.
Orbit, Fly and Meredith leave the arena.
Freddy Whoa: ... Whoa.
Gravedigger: I don't know what the hell we just witnessed.Payback fades to black.