Ace Garrison Segment
Karl Voronov vs Jaguar vs Austin Adams
Shaun Jackson Segment
Television Title Match: Creeping Death vs Ace Garrison
Shaun Jackson Segment
Oblivion/Fort Knox vs Slickie T/D-Day
The Anonymous Voice Speaks
Tag Team Titles Match: Jason Kash/Malachi Wanderlust vs The New Confederacy
”Listen… listen… oh, please listen.”
The soft gentle voice playfully soothes every speaker below the Madison roof. The voice, which accent resembles the nasal whisper of Jack Benny, flourishes the airwaves enough to grab undivided attention of those in attendance.
”Amazing. Every single one of you. This is very personally hilarious for me to witness a sufficient number of air-holes massive enough to keep a blimp afloat for miles on end to suddenly cease chit-chattering chatter by simplistic command of an anonymous source. What…? Afraid this may be the only interesting stint of the nights OH-VERY-INCREDIABLE-... sigh, set list of entertainment? Ha.”
Opposite of Adults by Chiddy Bang hits, and Slam is on the air, live from Madison Square Garden! The fans roar and hold up their signs as we go to Zach Davis and Shannan Lerch.
Zach Davis: Welcome to Slam! We have a great show for you here tonight.
Shannan Lerch: Huge Tag Team Titles match tonight... Jason Kash and Malachi Wanderlust are teaming up in the main event to take on the Champs, the New Confederacy.
Zach Davis: Last week, at Ultimate Showdown, Kash walked out on his teammate, Tommy Knoxville.. and then attacked him later in the evening.
Shannan Lerch: I think some people haven't been taking Kash seriously, but they have to now. And this match is in a cage, so no one is walking out of this one!
Zach Davis: In another big tag team match, we have the NEW World Champion, Oblivion, teaming with the one and only Fort Knox to take on Slickie T, the new Hardcore Champ, and D-Day, the new US Champ...
Shannan Lerch: Speaking of D-Day, it was revealed at Ultimate Showdown that it was STEVE THUNDER of all people that was behind the black masks. It was a setup all along..
Zach Davis: And was he involved in the attack after the main event? Maybe we'll find out tonight. Someone is declaring war, it seems.
Shannan Lerch: Big TV Title match. Creeping Death returns, against Ace Garrison. Garrison has done a fantastic job holding onto his belt... but we'll see how he fares against Creeping Death.
Zach Davis: And in our opener, we've got a Triple Threat between Voronov, Jaguar, and Adams. And-
A black man with an afro comes stumbling into the scene.
Shannan Lerch: Luscious Jackson? What are YOU doing here?
Luscious Jackson: I know, I haven't been seen in WCF for a long damn time.. but guys... I NEED A JOB.. you think I can come back maybe?
Zach Davis: Luscious, we only used you for PPVs anyway, and its probably nice not having to pay you to annoy us. So no, Luscious. No.
Security comes and escorts Luscious Jackson away.
Shannan Lerch: What the hell was that?
Shannan Lerch and Zach Davis are standing at their annouce table, both holding a champagne glass of 1996 Moet + Chandon Cuvee Dom Perignon. Shannan takes a sip, as she realizes the show has started. The atmosphere is electric. The fans in the Madison Square Garden are screaming and yelling with cheers. The ring is filled with black, red, and white balloons. Same colored streamers are everywhere as well. A couple of tables are near a corner. On top of those tables are multiple bottles of 2002 Louis Roerder Cristal Champagne, 1998 Moet + Chandon[Dom Perignon Rose], 2002 Louis Roerder Cristal Brut, 1996 Moet + Chandon, 1995 Moet + Chandon Cuvee Dom Perignon. The entire stable of The Society is in the ring. Oblivion is in the center, of the ring, wearing a suit by the YOOX Collection. Oblivion is also wearing black Moreschi Sinatra Slip On Dress shoes. Oblivion is defienantly looking the part of a World Heavyweight Champion. Fort Knox is, of course, wearing the finest of suits. Same as the Dark Angel. Oblivion mades sure everyone is dressed their best. Oblivion was heard saying that for tonight's celebration, money is not a matter. With the ring decorated, banners put up, champagne has been uncorked. Havok, the newest member, of the Society is still dressed in his black jeans and a torn concert t-shirt. Oblivion walks up to Havok...
Oblivion: Big man.
Havok: Yes, champ?
Oblivion: I want you to wear this. If you're with the Society, I want you to look the part.
Oblivion hands Havok a suit jacket, but with the sleeves torn off. He was also given a tie, to put on. After a few minutes, Havok puts on the torn suit jacket and tie. The celebratory mood is at it's high point, when Hank Brown, with mic in hand, walks into the ring...
Hank Brown: Oblivion!! Oblivion!! Hey Champ!! Congrats!!!
Oblivion peers down onto Hank Brown and says...
Oblivion: Hank Brown, have yourself a drink. Relax, have a good time!!!
Hank Brown: Oblivion, how does it feel to be The WCF World Heavyweight Champion?
Oblivion: How does it feel to be champion? You were hovering backstage, stalking me, wanting to do this interview. And what did I tell you?!
Hank Brown: Not to be pain in the ass. I could come to the celebration, but don't be bothersome.
Oblivion: So, what are you doing NOW?
Hank Brown: I'm being a pain in the ass?
Hank Brown: I just wanted to know, how you are enjoying being World Champion. That's what friends do, right?
Oblivion: Excuse Oblivion?! Friends?! Friends?! You think you are Oblivion's friend? Oblivion has people around, that It can benefit from. I have no use for you. So, you are not a friend. I'm just being generous and allow you to enjoy the festivities. So, go away.
Master of Puppets by Metallica hits, and Seth walks out.
Shannan Lerch: Here comes Seth. I wonder why he is coming to the ring.
Zach Davis: Maybe he was invited. You cannot have a celebration without Seth Lerch!
Seth Lerch walks down the aisle, with mic in hand, as he slap a few hands. Seth walks into the ring....
Seth Lerch: Congratulations, Oblivion! Everyone, let's give a big cheer for the New-ew-ew WCF World's Heavyweight Champion!!
Madison Square Garden erupts with cheers....
The crowd: OBLIVION!! OBLIVION!! OBLIVION!! OBLIVION!!
Seth Lerch: Now, I know you are enjoying yourself, but I would like to mix business with a little pleasure. First the pleasure.
Everyone, in the ring, looks a little puzzled. Until "stripper" music starts and four women barely dressed in short dresses and obviously look like beautiful and stunning strippers. The women walk into the ring, after Seth Lerch holds up the ring ropes for them. The strippers glide around the ring and head for the champagne. Two of the ladies, one blond and one brunette walk to Oblivon and start rubbing his suited chest.
Seth Lerch: Now, a little business.
Seth pushes Hank out of the way and shakes Oblivion's hand. The handshake is little rough. Seth has to adjust his right hand, after such a strong handshake from Oblivion, Seth says...
Seth Lerch: I should have mentioned this, when I entered the ring but....This is a time to celebrate!!! Hank Brown, to do an interview of this caliber, we need someone....
Shannan Lerch: I wonder who could that be?
Seth Lerch: Who has the power and value, such as myself, to interview such a champion. That is why I will be doing the interview.
The crowd cheers.Hank Brown walks away, disappointed. The crowd belts out an "AW-W-W" for Hank. And that is when Seth starts the brief interview...
Seth Lerch: "How does it feel to hold the world championship?"
Oblivion: It's been 12 years since Ace Slaughter has held a world championship. The reason, I mention that nobody, is because people are STILL confusing me to him. The name is Oblivion. I know at one point, this Ace Slaughter, who looks like me, had a great wrestling career. It's MY time!! It's time for Oblivion. No more protecting that sad sack of sh*T!! Oblivion is the WCF World Champion and it feel great!!! It means more people will come after me and it mean more of a body count!! My pets. My precious Gathering....
At that time, the lights dim and clicking, moaning, and screeching comes from under the ring. Smoke slowly begins to surround the ring. From under the ring, the red eyed devils slink and slither, from under the ring. The crawl, slink, and slither into the ring.
Oblivion: These are my Gathering. They are my children. My children are hungry. They need to feast. So come one, come all. If you have the balls to enter MY WORLD, bring it. Because, I like nothing more than to dine on fresh flesh!!
Seth Lerch: I am sure you will be a fighting champion, in an organization with plenty of contenders.
Oblivion: That is good. Like I JUST said. I am taking on all comers!! You think you can hang with the "Dark One", come right ahead!! You walk into my world, you won't be walking out!!
The crowd erupts!!
Crowd: OBLIVION!! OBLIVION!! OBLIVION!! OBLIVION!!
Seth Lerch: After what Malachi Wunderlust has mentioned, what are your personal and professional opinions on Malachi Wunderlust?
Oblivion takes the mic and gets real close to the cameraman.
Oblivion: Opinions?! Opinions!?! Oblivion personal thought on that...
Zach Davis: Here we go!!
Oblivion: My thoughts on that... no good piece of dog shit!! No!! He's lower than dog shit!! He is the bacteria on the dog shit!! No better yet! He is the micro material on the bacteria, that is on the dog shit!! He hurt Melissa beyond ever fixing her. She may never be the same again!! And that.... OU!! <grr-r-r-r!>
Oblivion punches the camera.
Oblivion: Mark my words Wunderputz!!! I will get you!! Maybe tonight...
Dark Angel, Fort Knox and Havok walk up to Oblivion and talk in it's ear.
Oblivion: Alright!! Wunderlust, be worried. No be afraid. I'm sure you are not afraid of most things. But, this should be an occassion, that you should be....
Oblivion gets closer, nose to screen close...
Oblivion: AFRAID!!! Don't be worried about your career. Be worried that you walk out of Slam alive!! You think I'm foolin' around?! No government agency. Nobody is gonna keep us away from you!! This is not what people would call a "ratings grabber". Screw that!! We're coming for you Malachi Wunderlust!! You are gonna resemble a puddle, by the end of tonight!!!
Seth Lerch: What your battles plans for these Invaders, at WAR?
Oblivion: I will deal with that, when the time comes! That's all I AM gonna say about that. Next question!
Seth Lerch: And finally With all these distractions going on, do you feel that you and Fort Knox can work as a cohesive unit against Hardcore Champion Slickie T and United States Champion D-Day. Both championships, by the way, you have held, since you have been here in less than a year.
Oblivion: That is true, Seth. Oblivion has done a lot since my debut in last September. Fort Knox and Oblivion are a tight team! We know what needs to be done tonight!! We have a plan to take out the Hardcore and United States Champion!! And if those masked invaders come around, I'm sure both teams will have something for them.
Oblivion, Dark Angel, Fort Knox, and Havok pulls out various weapons.... A barbed wired covered ball bat, a metal chair, a bag of tacks and glass. Havok flicks something in his hands and large fireball leaves his hands and bursts outwards. Oblivion sprays out a blue mist. Blue dye drips off It's mask.
Oblivion: So, Seth, enjoy yourself. It's time to celebrate, But Wunderlust, watch your ass tonight. Slickie T and D-Day, tonight we give New York City a show, they will never forget!!!
The crowd cheers!
Oblivion: And those, in the back, don't give a shit?! You can....
The Society/Madison Square Garden: CHOKE... ON... THAT!!!
A champagne bottle pops and champagne is being spilled over the ring. As the strippers begin to dance.
Zach Davis: They do realize, we have a show tonight right?!
Shannan Lerch: I hope so.....
Ace Garrison Segment
"Control" by Puddle of Mudd hits, causing the fans in attendance to rise to their feet and boo at the top of their lungs. The curtain brushes aside, revealing Ace Garrison with the WCF Television Championship draped over his shoulder. He stands on the top of the ramp for a moment, glancing out amongst all of the people. He smirks before walking towards the ring. He snatches a microphone from a ring official on his way down the ramp, before climbing into the ring. He stands there for a moment, as his music fades out. The fans continue to boo, and Ace remains silent, soaking it all in with a smile. He clears his throat loudly into the mic before speaking.
Ace Garrison: First and foremost, why don't you people show a little respect for Ace Garrison? After all, I am YOUR Television Champion.
"Booooooo!" Ace shrugs.
Ace Garrison: You know what? I'm not going to get offended. Being from New York, you people were born with half-a-brain to begin with, so I really can't hold you to it.
Ace Garrison: Anyway, I'm not out here to say this, or that about New York. Because, quite frankly, New York, and the people in it, make fun of themselves. No, no, no, you see, I came out here because I'm sick and tired of being disrespected by the WCF brass.
Ace pauses, as he looks as the championship lying on his shoulder.
Ace Garrison: I've said it week after week, and week after week I've come out here and backed up my words. I've beaten people left and right, night after night. And, I thought after a few weeks, Seth Lerch and others would get the point. I thought, maybe for a moment, Seth would remove the dick from his ear and listen to Ace Garrison. But, of course, he did not, although I can't really hold him to it, though, as Seth doesn't know the difference between a pussy and a hole in the ground.
A few chuckles arise from the crowd, but they remember it's Ace Garrison, so the chuckles transition back to "boooooo!"
Ace Garrison: So, at Ultimate Showdown, I defended my WCF Television Champion in the second match of the evening. I practically opened the damn pay-per-view! I am Ace Garrison, I am a main-eventer! I could be World Champion, but I chose to move hold on to the Television Championship. But, no matter what I do, or who I beat, people refuse to change their opinion of the Television Championship, and by default, their opinion of Ace Garrison.
Ace pauses, looking amongst the fans before continuing.
Ace Garrison: And, after my match at Ultimate Showdown, I sat in the back and watched the rest of the show. And, it pained me as each championship was defended after mine. Tag Team, United States, Hardcore, and World. So, in theory, in all of your eyes, my championship means nothing! I couldn't careless about the Tag Titles; the Hardcore Title is worthless, and the World? In due time. But no, to prove a point, I'm challenging D-Day for a shot at the WCF United States Championship. In fact, I'll put my belt on the line, as well.
The crowd sounds intrigued by this, as Ace smiles.
Ace Garrison: So, how about it? At the next pay-per-view, D-Day vs. Ace Garrison -- Title vs. Title. And, once and for all, I will prove to everyone that I deserve the respect I demand.
And, with that, "Control" hits and Ace drops the mic. He poses as the scene fades out.
Karl Voronov vs Jaguar vs Austin Adams
The Big Screen blares with a picture of a snowy forest as Karl walks to the stage cuing “Grace” - by Apocalyptica. With his approach to the ring, several large explosions occur on the stage. Once Karl has climbed into the ring he does his signature taunt which involves extending his arms and slowly clinching his fist all the while making a powerful expression. After he clinches his fist he roughly pounds the fist into his chest which accompanied by a large explosion above the ring.
Zach Davis: Fired up as usual.
Wnted dead or alive by Bon Jovi starts then Jaguar comes out and performs a snap kick before running to the ring.
Shannan Lerch: Jaguar doesn’t seem too worried with Voronov. His sights are set on…
Damn near on Shannan’s que, "We die young" by Alice in chains plays as Austin Adams steps into the arena. The fans start a "BTJ" chant as he walks towards the ring. Austin jumpos up onto the apron and does a forward flip into the ring as "BTJ" keeps echoeing threw the arena.
Zach Davis: Austin and Jaguar staring holes in each other.
Adams and Jaguar charge one another with swinging fists like two battery rams.
Shannan Lerch: Yeah, Zach, I’m not even sure if they realize Karl is in this match tonight.
Voronov, however, brings his presence to attention stepping into the cross fire of the raging madness that is Jaguar and Austin. Karl grabs each of their heads and brings them into a Meeting of Minds! Austin and Jag’s skulls collide with one another and they both each bounce backwards. Voronov grabs at Jaguar bringing him into his feet, but, out of nowhere… Jaguar surprises Karl with a vicious spear! Jaguar immediately hops back on his feet and sets his eyes on Austin Adams who is just now getting up. Jaguar charges Adams, perhaps going for a spear, but no! Adams catches Jaguar in flight with a devastating spinebuster that lays him flat on his back. Adams poses, raising his arms to the audience, provoking them with his good show of wrestling ability.
Austin suspiciously looks around as the voice from earlier penetrates the speakers once more.
”Oh, Austin, behind yooou.”
Karl Voronov rolls up a half surprised Adams from behind.
No! Kick out.
”Had me fooled.”
Karl, now a little annoyed by the anonymous voice on the speaker himself, curses under his breath and begins sending stiff kicks down at Austin.
Zach Davis: I think this is an obvious question…
Shannan Lerch: Yeah! Who the hells on the speaker?!
Zach Davis: I can only speculate, but, I’d say… right off the bat, with my long history commentating here in WCF, it sounds very much like---
The commentators microphones are abruptly turned off. Frustrated, Zach Davis mouths the name into the camera, but, no one can really make it out. Back in the ring, now with the only commentating coming from a mysterious source, the match continues. Jaguar has made his return to action, hip-tossing Karl out of his way and out of the ring to focus on his real prey… Adams. Jag and Austin meet toe to toe in the center of the ring for all the world to witness their war.
The sarcastic snoring refuses to touch a nerve on neither of them. For what feels like forever, the brawl finally erupts with showers of fists. Adams manages to gain the upperhand, whipping Jaguar into the ropes, Jag bounces back, Adams shoots for a closeline, Jaguar ducks, Adams spins around and is met with a foot to the gut, NO!, Adams catches Jaguars foot, slapping it away and throwing him off balanced. Austin Adams quickly grabs Jaguar and hits the perfect storm!
Karl Voronov pulls Adams out and throws him into the guardrail. He quickly slides in and grabs Jaguar, taking him up to the second turnbuckle.. Voronov hits a reverse Samoan drop off the middle rope, making a Senton Drop with the impact! Voronov pins Jaguar.
Three! Voronov quickly rolls out of the ring and holds his arms in the air. Fortunately, we can suddenly hear the commentators again.
Shannan Lerch: Never again when I participate in a interracial gang ban—
Zach Davis: AND HEY, look, we’re back on!
Shannan Lerch: Oh? Uh, yes, and uh.. what an impressive victory from Karl Voronov.
Zach Davis: Indeed. Amazingly, that voice hasn't spoken much in a while.
Shannan Lerch: Maybe he really fell asleep? And, Zach! Who were you going to say you thought that was before we got caught off?
Zach Davis: Oh.. right! Um… Dake Ke—ahem—Madd Do-ahem—Cairo.
Shannan Lerch: That’s helpful.
Shaun Jackson Segment
Psychosocial hits the PA system as Shaun Jackson walks out from behind the curtain, dressed in street clothes and with a microphone in hand, along with Brooke Jones.
Shannan Lerch: It appears the former Hardcore Champion has something to share with us.
Zach Davis: I hope it's Brooke.
Shannan Lerch: *sigh*
The two walk down the ramp and Jackson, normally so good with the fans, passes right by them without even slapping a single hand. Jackson heads up the ring steps first and holds the ropes open for Brooke before entering the ring. His music cuts as they take their spots in the center of the ring.
Shaun Jackson: Last week at Ultimate Showdown I walked into this ring as your Hardcore Champion. I walked into this ring with all the confidence in the world, so sure that I couldn't be stopped. But I learned a lesson at the hands of one of the best in the business, Allen Guiliano.
The crowd erupts into cheers at the mention of Slickie T.
Shaun Jackson: Yes I will give props to Slickie T for our match; he said he would be bringing his A Game and he did not disappoint. But Allen, know this, I will be coming for my title again and I will win it back. The way I see it, right now I have a win over you and you have a win over me, so in a sense we're tied. I think that you and I owe it to these people to do it again and show them everything we got.
The crowd chants for "One More Match" and applauds as Jackson acknowledges their support.
Shaun Jackson: But I'm not out here just to talk about the Hardcore Title and Slickie T. No, there's something else that's been going on around here that hasn't gotten the attention that it deserves. I've been the victim of random attacks from a pair of cowardly thugs in clown masks week after week. They beat me down from behind, come to my home and leave crude messages and they've even broken into my home and scared poor Brooke. Well you know what, I'm tired of their shit. I don't know if they're somewhere nearby or watching this from wherever they hide out, but I know they can hear me. So know this...I will find you and I will hurt you. Badly. And I..
The lights in the arena cut out, plunging everything into darkness. Flashes from cameras go off from around the ring and Jackson can be seen moving Brooke behind him in attempt to keep her safe.
Zach Davis: Could this be more mind games or..
The lights in the arena come back on and Jackson is no longer alone in the ring. A clown masked man is standing on the apron to his left and to his right. Jackson looks back and forth between them and then turns his head to Brooke and tells her to get out of the ring. Brooke cautiously steps back until she reaches the ropes and then climbs out. Jackson rips the t-shirt he was wearing off and throws it out of the ring as the clown mask men stare him down. Jackson rushes at the one to the left and pulls him over the top rope as the second one rushes him from behind. Jackson holds his own, throwing punch after punch, but eventually the numbers catch up to him as one of the masked men hits him from behind with a low blow. Jackson falls to the mat and the two are on him like rabid dogs, stomping away at any part of his body they can reach. One exits the ring and begins digging under the ring as the other chokes him out with his boot. The one under the apron comes out with a pair of steel chairs and throws them into the ring.
Shannan Lerch: This doesn't look good for Jackson at all.
The two men each grab a chair and begin blasting Jackson in the back with them as he tries to get up from the mat. One of the men drops his chair and lifts Jackson up, only for the other man to blast him in the skull and bust him open. Jackson drops to the mat, appearing unconscious. Security officials finally make their way to the ring but one of the masked men keeps them at bay by standing by the ropes with a chair in hand.
Zach Davis: Six security guards being kept away by one guy with a chair. I swear, where does Seth find these guys? Wal-Mart?
The other masked man is busy stomping away at Jackson's already bloody head and he's still not moving. More security guards come out to ringside but none seem to eager to enter the ring. Suddenly the lights in the arena go out again.
Shannan Lerch: Thank god, maybe this means it'll be o..
When the lights come back on all twelve of the security guards are laid out at ringside, some busted open. Standing over their bodies is a third, larger man dressed in all black with a clown mask that's different than the two men in the ring, with a metal pipe in his hands. He steps over the bodies at ringside and slides into the ring before motioning for the two others to lift Jackson up. They do so and the third man cracks Shaun in the skull with a sickening shot from the pipe. The two men struggle to keep the big man on his feet, but they manage to do so. The third man then steps behind Jackson and begins to choke him out with the pipe.
Shannan Lerch: This is sickening to watch. What's the point of all this?
The third man lets Jackson fall face first onto the mat and drops the pipe at his feet. He then motions to the other two men to go to ringside. They do so and the third man begins to push Jackson's limp body out of the ring toward them. Brooke finally decides to try and help and is rewarded with a kick to the stomach before she is thrown over the barricade by one of the men. Jackson is finally pushed out of the ring and the two men hold him up before beginning to drag him up the ramp. The third man remains in the ring until the lights in the arena go out once again. When they come back on he, the two other men in masks and Jackson are nowhere in sight.
Creeping Death vs Ace Garrison
The lights in the venue suddenly cut to black as the familiar opening to "For Whom the Bell Tolls" plays. The crowd is jacked up and gets louder after every toll. After six tolls, there is silence. Then, the intro for "Blood and a Siren" by Index Case plays. After the little guitar intro, when the song gets intense, a spotlight hits the curtain and Creeping Death emerges, wearing a black hoodie with the hood up. He headbangs with the crowd as they throw up the devil horns, and he does the same back to them on his way to the ring. CD enters the ring by sliding in through the bottom rope. Inside, he walks to the far corner, leaps up and takes a seat on the top rope, awaiting the match to begin.
"Control" by Puddle of Mudd hits the speaker system. The speaker brushes aside and Ace Garrison appears onto the stage wearing the TV Title. He stands there for a moment and looks amongst the fans, who are greeting him with boos! He smirks before making his way down the ramp. Ace walks up the ring steps, wipes his feet on the mat, and enters through the middle rope. He quickly walks towards the farthest corner and climbs up it. Once again, he looks amongst the crowd before smirking and jumping down.
Ace hands the WCF TV Title to senior referee Stanley Moser, who then shows the belt off to the crowd, hands it to the ring announcer and calls for the bell! This WCF TV Title Match has been started.
CD and Ace tie up, with Ace getting the upper hand and pushing CD back into a corner. The ref calls for a clean break and he recieves it. Ace backs off, and CD comes out of the corner. Another tie up, this time CD switches behind and locks in a headlock. Ace with two elbows, shoots CD to the ropes, and shoulder tackles him down. Ace hits the ropes, CD floats to his stomach, Ace leaps over him, CD pops to his feet and leapfrogs Ace on his way back, Ace hits the ropes again, and eats a big rana from CD! Ace rolls through and CD answers with a big running front dropkick, sending Ace sailing into the turnbuckle!
Ace bounces out and catches CD coming in with a big clothesline, turning CD inside out. Garrison hooks CD up in a Boston crab and really sits down with it. CD fights his way to the ropes, and Ace releases the hold, but continues to work on CD's back with kicks and stomps. Garrison pulls CD to his feet and hits a pendulum backbreaker!
Zach Davis: Brilliant strategy. Take out Creeping Death's back, take out most of his offense. And if he does muster the strength to do a high flying move, one miss will do him in.
Action continues on for several minutes until..
Ace, with CD across his knee, presses down and has CD in a modified bow and arrow hold. After a minute or two, CD begins trying the break the hold, eventually doing so with knee strikes to Garrison's head. One final strike staggers Garrison. CD rolls back and comes forward with a superkick, knocking Ace's head off! Ace crumbles to the mat. CD covers!
kickout! Ace rolls the pin into a ridiculous crossface! CD rolls through that into a jacknife pin!
KICKOUT! Out of the pin, Ace comes through and drops CD with the Ace High! CD no sells the hell out of it and hits a Snad Cutter! Both men are down... and the bell rings?
Shannan Lerch: What is this?
Ring Announcer: As per WCF Television Title rules... TELEVISION TIME HAS EXPIRED. This match is a DRAW.
Zach Davis: Whoa what!
In the ring, CD and Ace are groggily getting to their feet... and both are pissed off. Stanley Moser hands Garrison the TV Title. Ace turns to CD and blasts him in the side of the head with it out of frustration!
Seth Lerch Segment
A cameraman visits Seth Lerch in his office. One would imagine an additional presence would disrupt a business man up to his knees in paper work. Quite the differ, however, Lerch calmly sits among his desk lazily viewing a television showing of Blades of Glory… during Slam no less.
Zach Davis: Well, uh, okay-
Shannan Lerch: I hate to interrupt this, but Zach I'm being told that our cameras have caught up with something major going on backstage.
The camera feed switches to the loading dock area in the back of the arena where the three masked men are still viciously beating down an unconscious Shaun Jackson. The two wearing the same clown mask are holding up Jackson as the larger of the three holds his head in one hand while he punches him with the other.
Zach Davis: This is disturbing Shannan. I'm usually all for hardcore bloodbaths, but this has gone too far.
The two men then turn Jackson around and slam him into the wall before letting him drop to the ground. The larger of the three, obviously the leader of the group, motions for the others to back off. He then points toward the parking lot and the two run off. Jackson tries the best he can to push himself up off the ground but the third man runs up and kicks him stiffly in the midsection, sending him onto his back. The third man stands over Jackson's body, staring down into his eyes as he shakes his head.
Shaun Jackson: Fuck you.
The third man lets out what sounds like a slight chuckle as he looks up in time to see the other two men coming back, one with a steel chair and the other carrying a black duffel bag. He motions for the man with the chair to wrap it around his ankle. Jackson looks up and starts to say something when the masked man smashes hit foot down on the chair, causing Jackson to scream loud enough to mask the sickening crunching sound. One of the masked men pulls the chair off of his ankle. The leader of the men then motions at Jackson's neck. The man holding the chair pauses and stares at the leader, almost as if to question that order. The leader then rips the chair out of his hands and bashes him over the head before placing the chair around Jackson's neck himself. He then points to the second of the men and orders him to do it. Without thinking twice the man raises his foot...and smashes it down on the chair. Jackson lets out a few gurgling sounds as blood drips from his mouth, and then falls unconscious. The leader then opens up the black duffel bag and pulls out a can of red spray paint before spraying something on Jackson that the camera can't see quite yet. The leader then tosses the can back in the bag, picks it up and motions for the man to lift the unconscious one up. As they walk out of the camera's view the cameraman walks up to Jackson and reveals a large red X spray painted over his face.
Shannan Lerch: I..I..I have no words for what we have just witnessed. Shaun Jackson, the former WCF Hardcore Champion, has just been viciously assaulted by three men and...I..I...Zach I can't even bring myself to say the rest.
Zach Davis: And it appears that Jackson has been badly injured at the hands of these three..monsters.
EMT's arrive backstage and pull the chair from Jackson's neck. The looks on their faces are grim as they try and help the fallen wrestler. The camera switches back to a shot of Zach and Shannan who both have looks of concern on their faces.
Zach Davis: And I'm just now getting word from our cameraman backstage that EMT's have gotten Shaun on a stretcher and are transporting him to an ambulance outside of the arena. But Shannan, from what we saw, I don't know how Jackson is even alive.
The camera shot switches again, this time to outside of the arena where an ambulance is sitting. EMT's are seen opening the doors and wheeling out an unconscious Jackson on a stretcher. They open up the back and begin to lift him up and in when the squealing of tires can be heard in the distance. The cameraman turns in time to see a white van speeding right at the ambulance. The driver tries to get out of the way but is too late as the van slams into the back of the ambulance with a sickening crashing sound.
Shannan Lerch: OH MY GOD! JACKSON WAS BACK THERE!
The cameraman rushes to the van and pulls open the door to find nobody inside. A baseball bat propped up against the gas pedal is still pushing down on it despite the crash. The cameraman turns the camera toward the passenger seat and is rewarded with the sight of a grinning clown mask staring back at him.
Zach Davis: This is scary Shannan..just scary.
The camera turns back to the EMT's that aren't injured trying to rescue Jackson from the crumpled mess. Police arrive on the scene along with another ambulance as the show goes to commercial.
Oblivion/Fort Knox vs Slickie T/D-Day
Zach Davis: The big tag team match is next. It features the WCF Hardcore Champion Slickie T and his partner the WCF United states Champion D-Day. They will be facing off against Fort Knox and the leader of The Society and WCF World heavyweight champion Oblivion.
Shannan Lerch is listening to her headset, when she announces...
Shannan Lerch: We have Hank Brown, backstage, with the entire Society.
Zach Davis: Take it away, Hank Brown.
The attention is now backstage, where Hank Brown is surrounded by the members of The Society. Fort Knox is on Hank's rightt and Oblivion is on Hank's leftthand side. The Dark Angel is standing behind the group and the newest member, the bodyguard for The Society, Havok is standing on Oblivion's left hand side, with his massive arms folded with a mean scowl on his fave. Havok is dressed in black denim jeans, with black boots. He is wearing a black random concert t-shirt with a black leather vest over it. His long black hair is pulled back and he is wearing black shades. he has in his right hand a long metal chain, which is connected to the 4 1/2 foot and almost 160 pound "jacked up" chimpanzee named Tyson. Mini Oblivion is running around, making obnoxious noises. The chimp is jumping up and down, as he makes noises, as he interacts with Mini Oblivion.
Hank Brown: Oblivion....
The crowd cheers.
Hank Brown: Oblivion and Fort Knox. tonight you two are facing off against the hardcore and United States champions Slickie T and D-Day.
The crowd cheers.
Oblivion: You're absolutely correct, Hank Brown. By the way, I like the fact you are keeping your head shaved.
Oblivion peers down at Hank Brown.
Oblivion: That's a good idea... REAL.... GOOD IDEA! Now, Hank Brown. That is correct Oblivion and Fort Knox are facing off two of the most popular men in WCF. We don't care do we fellas?
The Society: HELL NO!!!
Oblivion: You see, it doesn't matter who we face. The results are gonna be the same. Good for us.... Bad for them!!
Fort Knox: That is correct!! But, one thing that D-Day said that is incorrect.
Hank Brown: What would that be?
Fort Knox: He said it's gonna be a fun night.
Hank Brown: What's wrong with having a fun night.
Fort Knox: There's nothing wrong with having a fun night when you're with a beautiful woman or women. But when you're in the ring, everything becomes serious. And tonight, D-Day and Slickie T, things are gonna get real serious, real quick tonight. You wanna talk about releasing anger. Melissa is in the hospital recovering from a vicious attack from that no good son of bitch, Malachi Wunderlust!!
Knox walks closer to the camera...
Fort Knox: After tonight's match, my main issue, in my life is to take your ass out!! YOU HEAR ME, WUNDERLUST?!? You're finished!! Done!!!
Hank Brown: But, what about these attacking masked invaders and Steve Thunder?
Oblivion peers down at Hank Brown.
Oblivion: Let the man finish.
Hank Brown: <GULP> Okay.
Fort Knox: Those invaders we will deal with at War. But, right now at this moment, Oblivion and myself are gonna go out there and take out Slickie and D-Day!! Go ahead Big Man!!
Fort Knox uses his left hand to slap the chest of Oblivion.
Oblivion: Slickie T and D-Day, you are looking at two very pissed off individuals. You two will be walking into a hornets nest. Get ready for a beat down!!! Well, you can either deal with that or you can....
The Society/The crowd: CHOKE...ON... THAT!!!
There is a loud squeal, when Oblivion and Tyson the "Jacked up" Chimpanzee rush towards the camera. Both Mini Oblivion and Tyson the Chimp grab the camera as both Mini Oblivion and Tyson the chimp screams out...
Tyson the Chimp: <chimp yell>
Mini Oblivion: BI-I-I-ITCHE-E-ESS-S!!
The Society leaves backstage...
"Gravesend (Lake of Fire)" plays over the speakers as Slickie makes his way through the black curtain, turning his back to the crowd and making his famous "T" symbol with outstretched arms. Once the words to the song begin, he quickly turns and looks over the crowd, giving a smirk before making his way down the ramp.
Kyle Steel: Coming down to the ring. From Sicily, Italy; weighing 215 pounds, the current WCF Hardcore Champion, Slickie-ie-ie T!!
Slickie T extends his hand to those that are already outstretched. Once reaching the ring, he stands on the ring apron, using the top rope to vault himself into the center of the ring. He then climbs the turnbuckle and outstretches his arms to form a "T" once again before doing a back flip into the center of the ring and awaiting on his tag team partner.
Its My Life by Bon Jovi hits the speakers the sight of a man sitting in a locker room on a wooden bench. The man is indeed D-Day the United States Championship is indeed laying over his shoulder. He looks up to the camera as the fans of D-Day's hometown go crazy cheering while D-Day is sitting there admiring the cheering. He finally signals off the cheering with the wave of a hand. He then begins to speak.
D-Day: HELLO, New York City!
The crowd cheers once again.
D-Day: As you all know that I am the WCF United States Champion. Well as you know that I have been challenged by another competitor. I have been challenged to a Title vs Title match, by the one and only Ace Garrison, the Television Champion.
The crowd “Boooo”s in disgust.
D-Day: Now I would like to comment on his challenge that accured earlier today. Now Ace I don't have much time because I do indeed have to get ready for my tag match tonight, so I will make this short and sweet. I...Accept your challenge!
The crowd goes crazy, they are filled with anticipation.
D-Day: Now I need to go now, but just for you Ace, I will see you at REVENGE! And for all of you in New York City. I will win this match for you New York City.
The crowd starts to cheer waiting for the beginning of D-Day's match with Oblivion and Slickie T.
Zach Davis: Now it's time, for their opponents.
The lights go out. In the name of God by Slayer begins to play, as the thunderous combination of the guitars, bass, and drums explode through the arena's speakers. Gold dollar signs flash about as Oblivion and Fort Knox comes up from a hole in the stage covered with golden fireworks, along with red and white flashing lazers. Fort Knox comes out wearing black shades. Knox is wearing gold chains around his neck and is wearing a gold Rolex watch and bracelet. Oblivion is wearing a solid black leather mask with black tights that end about two inches past his knees. He is wear black knee and elbow pads, with black boots. Fort Knox has a gold ring on each finger and when he holds to up to the camera they spell FORT KNOX.
There are a mixture of cheers and boos, more cheers than boos. The crowd stand on their feet and rush to the security railings.
Kyle Steel: Coming down, to the ring. Representing The Society. Weighing in at a combined weight of 535 pounds.... For-or-ort Kno-o-ox-x and the WCF World Heavyweight Champion, O-o-o-bli-i-ivi-i-io-o-on. The So-o-oci-i-iety-y-y!!!
Oblivion slowly slinks low to the ground, with it's arms extended outward. Oblivion has it's index fingers pointing outward. The guitar solo begins. Oblivion slowly stands up, with it's arms extended outward, spins around. As Oblivion gets to ringside, It pops his neck, as Oblivion holds it's arms outward. Oblivion slides under the ring ropes. Fort Knox He then goes into the ring and poses as golden fireworks shoot off from the ring post. As Fort Knox hands his gold to the ringside person and tells them not to lose his gold, Oblivion walks to a corner and climbs up to the second turnbuckle. The WCF World Heavyweight Champion raises his arms to an mostly cheering crowd. Oblivion jumps down and walks over with Fort Knox, to the center of the ring. Several thousands cameras flash throughout the arena, as Oblivion and Fort Knox strike a muscular pose.
Lies in the name of God!!!!!
Oblivion talks with Fort Knox, as Slickie T speaks with his partner, D-Day.
Shannan Lerch: Looks like Fort Knox and D-Day will start off for their teams.
Knox and D-Day circle each other, until they hook-up, in the center of the ring. Both men are trying to gain advantage....
Zach Davis: A judo hip toss by D-Day.
Fort Knox just smiles as he hooks up again with D-Day. They both try again to gain an advantage. Knox moves his arms down to D-Day's waist and spins around him and...
Shannan Lerch: A quick snap German suplex executed by Fort Knox.
D-Day arches his back from the pain, but D-Day stands up quickly. Knox and D-Day glare at each other. D-Day walks up to Fort Knox, but Knox kicks the US Champion in the mid-section. Knox grabs a hold of D-Day and hits him with multiple rolling snap suplexes. Fort Knox stands up and grabs D-Day and kicks him again in the mid-section, but D-Day kicks Knox in HIS mid-section and hits him with a dropkick. Fort Knox stands up and D-Day hits another dropkick. Then hits a third dropkick, before taking Fort Knox down with a judo hip toss. D-Day Irish whips Knox into the ropes and when Knox bounces off the ropes, D-Day hits Fort Knox with a swinging neck breaker.
Zach Davis: Fort Knox is down.
Oblivion is pacing in his corner, while trying to motivate the crowd to get Fort Knox's adrenaline pumping. D-Day drags Fort Knox over to his corner, to tag in Slickie T. Allen Guiliano grabs Fort Knox, but Knox hits with a back fist to his stomach and nails him with a ddt.
Shannan Lerch: Fort Knox just turned around and popped D-Day in the mouth, which caught him by surprise.
D-Day falls off the ring apron, as Fort Knox grabs Slickie T, but the Hardcore Champion slaps Knox and hits him with his own DDT. Slickie T places Fort Knox on the top turnbuckle. Allen Guiliano places his own left arm under the neck of Knox, but Knox places his right arm around Slickie T's neck. Slickie T begins to run outward, but Fort Knox floats over and lands hard, with his butt to the mat, which causes Slickie T's neck to snap backwards.
Zach Davis: DIAMOND DUST!!!
Shannan Lerch: Knox is going for the pin.
Crowd: One! Two!
D-Day climbs up the top turnbuckle and flies into the air and lands with an leg drop across the back of the neck of Fort Knox.
Shannan Lerch: D-Day just broke the possible three count and maybe the win.
D-Day claps his hands, trying to motivate Slickie T. The Hardcore Champion slowly stands up, Knox is lying motionless on the mat.
Zach Davis: Allen Guiliano runs to a nearby corner and climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Knox is lying prone, near the corner. Slickie T leaps off and hits Knox with a 450 splash!!
The Hardcore Champion goes for the pin. But, Oblivion flies into the ring and stomp down hard onto Slickie T and throws him out of the ring. In a rage, Oblivion grabs Slickie T and throws him into the ringside barrier and begins to pummel him, with lefts and rights. D-Day comes running around the corner and Oblivion kicks the US Champion in the face. Oblivion grabs both the Hardcore and United States Champion and slams their heads together.
Shannan Lerch: It looks like Oblivion has had enough! He slams their heads together, like coconuts!
Fort Knox slowly stands up and sees Slickie T and D-Day standing on the outside, of the ring. Fort Knox runs to the opposite side of the ring and comes running to the side, of the ring, where his opponents are standing, on the outside and....
Zach Davis: Suicide dive through the ropes.
Knox nails both Slickie T and D-Day with the dive. Knox grabs Slickie T, but the Hardcore Champion slams Knox's head onto the ring apron and grabs him and...
Shannan Lerch: Slickie T just Russian leg swept Fort Knox into the steel guard railing.
The referee orders Oblivion and D-Day to go back to their corners. Slickie T rolls Fort Knox back into the ring and he follows behind him. that is when D-Day leaves his corner and Oblivion notices. The WCF World Champion leaps down from his corner and they begin to fight!
Zach Davis: The World Champion and the United States Champion are brawling!!!
Fort Knox sits up, in front of the corner. Slickie T climbs up the turnbuckles and stands on top of the top turnbuckle.
Shannan Lerch: I think we are about to see the Ace of Spades. Unfortunately, Oblivion hasn't been able to step into the ring.
Oblivion blocks a right hand from D-Day. The World Champion pushes away D-Day, but the US Champion comes running, but Oblivion steps back and....
Zach Davis: It's Check Out Time!!!
Shannan Lerch: Sweet Chin Music!!!
Slickie T stands tall, on the top turnbuckle and smiles down on motionless Fort Knox. Slickie T prepares to leap off the top turnbuckle, but....
Zach Davis: Oh my God!!!
Out of nowhere comes Oblivion and he pushes the Hardcore Champion off the top turnbuckle, onto the ringside area. Oblivion enters the ring and drags Fort Knox over and tags himself in.
Shannan Lerch: Brilliant move by Oblivion. Now Oblivion has control!!
Oblivion exits the ring and approaches Slickie T, but Guiliano grabs Oblivion's trunks and pulls him into the steel ringside barrier. Slickie T strikes Oblivion several times, before trying to execute a suplex.
Zach Davis: Oblivion blocks the suplex attempt.
Oblivion grabs the right arm of the Hardcore Champion, with his left arm and nails him with a short-arm clothesline. The World Champion throws Slickie T into the ring. D-Day enters the ring, rushing towards an ring entering Oblivion and drop kicks him back out of the ring. As Oblivion stumbles backwards, both Guiliano and D-Day stand tall on top of the turnbuckles and D-Day leaps off with plancha and Slickie T leaps off and hits Oblivion the same time with a corkscrew plancha. Both hit Oblivion hard. All three crash down hard. The crowd cheers loudly!
Shannan Lerch: Here comes Fort Knox!
Fort Knox climbs the top turnbuckle and hits a split leg moon sault and nails Slickie T and D-Day. Oblivion slowly stands up and grabs Slickie T and throws him into the ring. As Oblivion tries to enter the ring through the middle and top ropes, Slickie T drops his forearm across the back of the neck of Oblivion, which bounces the World Champion neck off the middle rope.
Zach Davis: Devastating move from the Hardcore Champion.
Oblivion slowly slides into the ring, but Allen Guiliano grabs Oblivion and nails him with a bulldog!
Shannan Lerch: The Hardcore Champion is going for the pin!!
Crowd: ONE!! TWO!! THRE-....NO-O-O!!
Fort Knox stops the count. Knox grabs Guiliano and pulls him towards the corner. Knox sits on the top turnbuckle. Knox leaps off the turnbuckle and nails Slickie T with...
Zach Davis: KNOX OUT!!! Here comes D-Day!!
D-Day grabs Fort Knox And puts him on his shoulders and....
Shannan Lerch: Dead and Forgotten!!
Zach Davis: An awesome Samoan Slam!!!
Oblivion slowly enters the ring and sees D-Day celebrating and he rushes over and hits D-Day on the back of his head, causing him to fall.
Shannan Lerch: Awesome match. Back and forth! Oblivion begins to stomp down onto every body part of D-Day.
Crowd: Survive- Treachery- Overcome- Monstrous- Psychopaths
Zach Davis: S.T.O.M.P!!!
Oblivion doesn't see Slickie T stand up. The crowd erupts with cheers!
Shannan Lerch: Oh my God. The World Champion doesn't see Slickie T standing behind him.
The Hardcore champion grabs Oblivion from behind and twirls him around and....
Zach Davis: T-BONE!!
Slickie T goes for the cover....
Crowd: ONE!! TWO!!! THRE-...NO-O-O-O!!!
Shannan Lerch: OH... MY...GOD!!! Did you just see that?!?
Zach Davis: Oblivion just kicked out of the T-Bone!!! There are bodies lying everywhere!!
Shannan Lerch: Slickie T looks frustrated!!
Slickie T grabs Oblivion and bounces him off the ropes.
Zach Davis: Guiliano misses with a clothesline. Both men bounce off the rope....
Shannan Lerch: Oblivion just grabbed a charging Slickie T and hit him with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker!!
Oblivion picks up Slickie T and irish-whips him off the ropes and grabs them by the legs, spins them around and Oblivion grabs the Hardcore Champion around the neck with his right arm and plants him with a DDT.
Zach Davis: The Black Hole!!!
The crowd screams!
Zach Davis: Here comes D-Day!!
D-Day leaps off the top ropes and dropkicks Oblivion, but Oblivion sidesteps him, sending him crashing into the mat! Slickie is up, but Fort Knox comes a flyin' and clotheslines Slickie and himself over the top rope and they hit the ringside area.
Shannan Lerch: Oblivion climbs up to the top turnbuckle. In a quick flash, Oblivion leaps off the turnbuckle with a shooting star press, but lands with a leg drop across the neck of D-Day!! Fort Knox and Slickie continue to fight on the outside.
Zach Davis: Oblivion goes for the pin!
D-Day rolls out of the ring. The lights flicker in the arena and everyone stands to their feet in anticipation. D-Day is knocked down from behind on the outside of the ring as two men in black hoods and ski masks hit the ring!
Zach Davis: It's those guys! They attacked at Ultimate Showdown!
Shannan Lerch: They look different in size!
Zach Davis: Huh?
One of the masked men hits a clothesline on Slickie T knocking him down and the other masked man hits a spinning heel kick to the face of Oblivion! The other masked man gets a few punches from Fort Knox before other masked man holds Knox from behind and the other hits a vertical leaping dropkick to the face! Day slides into the ring as the lights flicker once more now there are two more hooded masked men on the outside of the ring!
Shannan Lerch: I told you! I knew it!
Zach Davis: There's MORE?
Shannan Lerch: They aren't kidding when they say they have numbers!
Zach Davis: I don't believe this! Who the hell are they?! Who the hell wants to destroy WCF?
Day runs and hits the ropes but the men on the outside trip Day up and the other two hit a double clothesline stiff as all hell and knock Day to the ground hard. The two men on the outside slide in and pick up the World Title and the United States Title. The four men raise the belts in the air united as one cohesive unit. The lights flicker then go out to complete darkness. The lights come back on and the United States title and World Title are laying over the body of the respected holder. The fans begin to boo and the hooded masked men are gone. No where to be seen.
Zach Davis: What the hell is this about?
Shannan Lerch: Who knows, Zach but they are already showing to be a force, and they have FOUR members!
Zach Davis: I hope we get some answers soon.
The Anonymous Voice Speaks
Random lettering haunts the titan-tron in red fluorescent that read ”kobcjaseflad”. The commentators headsets are cut, once again, and they’re forced to keep silent for the remainder of this very… very… very important stint.
"...My best to the choir. I have to say, this never grows old for me. I am honored to be here, I do have a confession to make before we get going that I should explain very quickly. When I am not on television, this is actually how I dress. I apologize, but there’s something very freeing about it. I congratulate the students for being able to walk even a half a mile in this non-breathable fabric in the Williamsburg heat. I am sure the environment that now exists under your robes, are the same conditions that primordial life began on this earth. I know there were some parents that were concerned about my speech here tonight, and I want to assure you that you will not hear any language that is not common at, say, a dock workers union meeting, or Tourrett’s convention, or profanity seminar. Rest assured. I am honored to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me. As a person, I am honored to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. And I believe we should. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It’s incredibly gratifying. Thank you. That’s very nice of you, I appreciate it. I’m sure my fellow doctoral graduates—who have spent so long toiling in academia, sinking into debt, sacrificing God knows how many years of what, in truth, is a piece of parchment that in truth has been so devalued by our instant gratification culture as to have been rendered meaningless—will join in congratulating me. Thank you. But today isn’t about how my presence here devalues this fine institution. It is about you, the graduates. I’m honored to be here to congratulate you today. Today is the day you enter into the real world, and I should give you a few pointers on what it is. It’s actually not that different from the environment here. The biggest difference is you will now be paying for things, and the real world is not surrounded by three-foot brick wall. And the real world is not a restoration. If you see people in the real world making bricks out of straw and water, those people are not colonial re-enactors—they are poor. Help them. And in the real world, there is not as much candle lighting. I don’t really know what it is about this campus and candle lighting, but I wish it would stop. We only have so much wax, people. Lets talk about the real world for a moment. We had been discussing it earlier, and I…I wanted to bring this up to you earlier about the real world, and this is I guess as good a time as any. I don’t really know to put this, so I’ll be blunt. We broke it. Please don’t be mad. I know we were supposed to bequeath to the next generation a world better than the one we were handed. So, sorry. I don’t know if you’ve been following the news lately, but it just kinda got away from us. Somewhere between the gold rush of easy internet profits and an arrogant sense of endless empire, we heard kind of a pinging noise, and uh, then the damn thing just died on us. So I apologize. But, obviously, that’s the world. What about your lives? What piece of wisdom can I impart to you about my journey that will somehow ease your transition from college back to your parents' basement? I know some of you are nostalgic today and filled with excitement and perhaps uncertainty at what the future holds. I know six of you are trying to figure out how to make a bong out of your caps. I believe you are members of Psi U. Hey that did work, thank you for the reference. So I thought I’d talk a little bit about my experience here at William and Mary. It was very long ago, and if you had been to William and Mary while I was here and found out that I would be the commencement speaker 20 years later, you would be somewhat surprised, and probably somewhat angry. I came to William and Mary because as a Jewish person I wanted to explore the rich tapestry of Judaica that is Southern Virginia. Imagine my surprise when I realized “The Tribe” was not what I thought it meant. In 1980 I was 17 years old. When I moved to Williamsburg, my hall was in the basement of Yates, which combined the cheerfulness of a bomb shelter with the prison-like comfort of the group shower. As a freshman I was quite a catch. Less than five feet tall, yet my head is the same size it is now. Didn’t even really look like a head, it looked more like a container for a head. I looked like a Peanuts character. Peanuts characters had terrible acne. But what I lacked in looks I made up for with a repugnant personality. In 1981 I lost my virginity, only to gain it back again on appeal in 1983. You could say that my one saving grace was academics where I excelled, but I did not. And yet now I live in the rarified air of celebrity, of mega stardom. My life a series of Hollywood orgies and Kabala center brunches with the cast of Friends. At least that’s what my handlers tell me. I’m actually too valuable to live my own life and spend most of my days in a vegetable crisper to remain fake news anchor fresh. So I know that the decisions that I made after college worked out. But at the time I didn’t know that they would. See college is not necessarily predictive of your future success. And it’s the kind of thing where the path that I chose obviously wouldn’t work for you. For one, you’re not very funny. So how do you know what is the right path to choose to get the result that you desire? And the honest answer is this. You won’t. And accepting that greatly eases the anxiety of your life experience. I was not exceptional here, and am not now. I was mediocre here. And I’m not saying aim low. Not everybody can wander around in an alcoholic haze and then at 40 just, you know, decide to be president. You’ve got to really work hard to try to… I was actually referring to my father. When I left William and Mary I was shell-shocked. Because when you’re in college it’s very clear what you have to do to succeed. And I imagine here everybody knows exactly the number of credits they needed to graduate, where they had to buckle down, which introductory psychology class would pad out the schedule. You knew what you had to do to get to this college and to graduate from it. But the unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective. The paths are infinite and the results uncertain. And it can be maddening to those that go here, especially here, because your strength has always been achievement. So if there’s any real advice I can give you it’s this. College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don’t worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency which I imagine, after going through the program here, is quite strong… although I’m sure downloading illegal files… but, nah, that’s a different story. Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may."
The scrambled letters disappear from the screen and the commentators headsets become functional.
Zach Davis: Why didn’t we cut to a commercial during that?
Shannan Lerch: I guess we kept expecting to get some sort of hint or cue to the source of this anonymous voice… but…
Zach Davis: We’ve learned nothing. It basically sounded like a random college graduation speech. What does this have to do with anything though?
Shannan Lerch: Or more importantly WHY was it done to begin with?
Zach Davis: Hm…
Jason Kash/Malachi Wanderlust vs The New Confederacy
Zach Davis: Here comes the moment we’ve all been waiting for, ladies and gentlemen! The main event! Johnny Reb and Doc Henry – the New Confederacy – put their tag titles on the line against the two remaining members of Influential Minds.
Shannan Lerch: That’s right, Zach. Two weeks ago, Jason Kash abandoned his former tag team partner, leaving Tommy Knoxville to face the New Confederacy all by himself. And while he made a pretty good showing, ultimately, Reb and Henry got the win. Then, unbelievably, Kash attacked Knoxville later in the night, putting him in the hospital and possibly ending his wrestling career for good.
"Influence" by: Trapt plays as Jason Kash and Malachi Wanderlust appear from behind the Entrance curtain.
Zach Davis: Here come the challengers!
The fans giving a mixed reaction get their attention as they throw up the Influential Minds handsign. They stroll down to the ring, Wanderlust sliding into the ring as Kash hands the briefcase to the official and jogs up the steel stairs. They taunt some more and prepare for battle.
Shannan Lerch: The briefcase has been handed off. There’s no turning back now! And remember, this is a tag team cage match. That means a team can win by pinfall or submission inside the cage, or by BOTH members of the team escaping. If only one gets out, it doesn’t count!
"Renegade" by Styx begins to play over the PA system; the audience goes completely insane!
Zach Davis: Listen to this capacity crowd! New York loves the champs!
Johnny Reb and Doc Henry step out onto the stage. Reb's title strap is slung over his right shoulder, while Doc wears his around his waist. Images of past matches play on the Jumbotron, while both men make their way down the ramp, working the crowd at ringside. Doc mounts the ring steps in a dignified manner, while Johnny slips through the ropes. Both men take a moment to pose for the fans, holding their title belts high for all to see, before handing them to the ref, and going to their corner to await the bell, staring daggers across the ring at their opponents.
The referee holds up the titles one more time, then signals for the cage to be lowered.
Shannan Lerch: There’s the bell, and Doc Henry goes to the apron! It’s Reb and Kash starting things off!
There is a brief struggle as Kash and Reb tie up. Kash is bigger and stronger, but Reb is quicker. He slips out of his opponent’s grip and grabs Jason Kash in a front facelock, then drops to one knee.
Zach Davis: A facebreaker DDT, right out of the gate! This is one of Johnny’s favorite ways to soften up an opponent, especially one with this kind of size advantage!
Johnny pulls a mildly dazed Jason Kash to his feet, looks to set him up for another one. But Kash recovers and shoves him away – right toward the ropes. Reb starts to climb, but Kash is after him in an instant and pulls Johnny back to the mat. But Reb doesn’t miss a beat; as soon as his feet touch the mat, he’s in action once more.
Shannan Lerch: Standing moonsault! With the tag titles on the line, Johnny Reb is on fire tonight! Here’s the pin!
Two – NO!
Zach Davis: And a kickout with authority! A little too early to expect a win, but a good strategy on Reb’s part, trying to wear down the bigger man.
As Jason Kash gets back to his feet, Johnny backs away, creating space between them. Jason turns to look at Johnny, his expression one of simmering anger. Reb doesn’t seem intimidated. He takes a run at Kash and nails him with a double knee lift.
Johnny wastes no time climbing the ropes. He glances down at Kash, makes a decision, and starts working his way up the side of the cage. About midway up, he dives off.
Shannan Lerch: Good gawd! Southern Star off the side of the cage! Things are not looking good for Jason Kash!
Zach Davis: Reb’s not in the best of shape himself right now. That was an awfully big risk – and here comes Malachi Wanderlust!
The referee tries to intervene, but Wanderlust just charges right past him to launch an attack on Johnny, laying into Reb with a boot to the ribs and giving Kash a chance to roll out of the way. Unwilling to be left out, Doc Henry speeds from his corner to join the free-for-all, pulling Malachi away from his partner. Johnny gets up and shakes off the cobwebs, and in an instant, all four men are brawling.
As the official makes another attempt to restore order, a fist comes from out of nowhere and clocks him right on the jaw; he drops like a stone. Kash and Malachi exchange a knowing smile, and Jason pulls something shiny from his tights.
Shannan Lerch: What is that? Kash has… it’s a pair of handcuffs! Jason Kash just cuffed Johnny Reb to the cage! Oh, god, I can’t watch!
Alternating their attentions between keeping Doc Henry at bay and beating the living hell out of Johnny Reb, Kash and Wanderlust work in perfect tandem.
Zach Davis: I hate to say this, but… We’re looking at some really amazing teamwork from Influential Minds here. These guys are clearly on the same page. Watch the way Kash is working Reb over with body shots. He knows his opponent: if Johnny can’t breathe, he sure as hell can’t get up high enough to do any real damage.
On the mat, the ref begins to stir. Henry keeps trying to get through and help his partner, but Malachi continues to rebuff his attempts. Fed up, Doc takes a wild swing. Wanderlust ducks, but Henry comes back with a thumb in the eye. Clutching at his face, Wanderlust staggers back, away from Kash and Reb.
Shannan Lerch: Don’t count the New Confederacy out yet, Zach! This is where sheer determination really pays off. And look! The ref is up!
The official gets back to his feet, trying to sort out what’s going on. He spots Malachi first and starts yelling at him to go back to his corner. Doc Henry takes advantage of the distraction and nails Jason Kash with a solid punch, driving him away from Reb. Henry works to get the cuffs off, while the referee is still busy with Wanderlust. It takes a minute, but he gets Johnny free and drags him back toward their corner.
Recovered from the cheap shot, Kash spots Henry pulling a barely-conscious Reb to safety, and starts after him. Doc drops Johnny to the mat and hurries to resume his spot on the ring apron. Henry looks up to see the ref returning, and reaches over to slap Johnny on the shoulder, effectively tagging himself in.
Zach Davis: Doc Henry is now the legal man! Kash doesn’t look happy…
Shannan Lerch: Oh! And a flying back elbow from Henry doesn’t make him any happier, Zach! Doc Henry going for a pin!
Zach Davis: But it’s only a one-count! And now it’s Kash’s turn! He nails Doc Henry with a rib breaker! There’s the cover!
Shannan Lerch: Oooh, just barely. We almost had new champs!
Kash hauls Doc to his feet. Henry shoves him back and takes a run at him, but Jason catches him around the waist and lifts him up, then turns half a circle and slams him down with an Anderson Spinebuster!
Zach Davis: Ow! That looked painful. Kash picks Henry up again and… a picture-perfect Northern Lights suplex! You really have to appreciate Jason Kash’s skill. He’s not even had a chance to tag out, and he’s still going strong! It looks like… yes! Kash goes for another one…
But Doc Henry nails Kash with a desperate punch, the handcuffs from earlier clutched in one hand as a makeshift set of brass knuckles. Again and again, he rains blows down on Jason Kash, until the referee forces them apart and manages to get the cuffs from Henry. Bruised and bleeding, Kash staggers in the general direction of his own corner, where Wanderlust reaches out and tags himself in.
Malachi launches himself through the ropes and charges at Doc Henry. The two of them clash in the middle of the ring, each simultaneously attempting to nail the other with a crossbody. The collision leaves them both winded, but Wanderlust gets to his feet first. As soon as Henry’s up, Wanderlust drops him again with a standing dropkick.
Shannan Lerch: Another pin, this time from Malachi Wanderlust!
Thr – NO!
Doc gets his shoulder up and shoves Wanderlust off of him. He casts a quick glance toward his corner as he climbs to his feet, and starts in that direction, eager to make a tag now. Malachi puts him on the mat again with a side Russian legsweep, then gets up again and starts to stomp the hell out of Doc. In desperation, Henry rolls away from him and uses the cage to pull himself up…and just keeps climbing.
Zach Davis: What is Doc Henry thinking? Wanderlust is right behind him, and closing fast!
Indeed, Malachi catches up with Henry in a matter of seconds. The two of them swing at each other. Doc nails Wanderlust with a punch that’s more luck than skill and climbs even higher. Undeterred, Wanderlust follows after him, keeping just out of his reach. He glances down at Johnny, still in the New Confederacy corner, and not particularly inclined to join his partner.
Malachi catches up once more as Doc reaches the top of the cage, which prompts another fistfight.
Shannan Lerch: Ohmigawd, they’re gonna fall!
The crowd “Ooohs” a number of times as both men sway dangerously to one side or the other, but somehow manage to keep their balance. Finally, Malachi feints with an eye rake. Doc recoils, and Wanderlust takes advantage of the opportunity to scoop Henry up… and, as the audience watches in breathless anticipation, drops him into the middle of the ring with a powerbomb off the top of the cage.
A “Holy shit!” chant rises up from the crowd as the ref hastens to check on Doc. Wanderlust stands there a moment, triumphant. Then, deciding Henry hasn’t taken quite enough punishment, Malachi climbs back down into the ring. He walks over and nudges Doc’s unmoving form with the toe of his boot. With a wicked grin, he stalks around the ring, taunting the crowd, pointing behind him at Henry.
Wanderlust: THIS… is what you call a CHAMPION??? He’s PATHETIC!
The audience boos loudly. Kneeling beside Doc, the referee looks him over, asking if he wants to continue. Henry stirs slightly, and the crowd cheers. Encouraged by this, Johnny turns to the audience, clapping his hands in a steady rhythm. Malachi looks vaguely amused and turns to watch, to see if Doc can actually get up. Henry doesn’t appear to be able, in spite of the support from the crowd, now clapping in time with Reb and shouting at Doc to rise and continue the fight.
With a laugh, Wanderlust turns away to face the audience again, continuing to taunt them.
Zach Davis: Well, it was a good match…while it lasted. I wish he’d just get it over – wait!
The crowd begins to cheer even more loudly. Slowly, Doc Henry climbs to his feet. Still looking dazed, he walks around for a second, shaking off the cobwebs as he nears the closest corner. There, he crouches, waiting, a slow smile spreading across his face. Suspecting what has happened, Malachi turns around to look, and his eyes widen in surprise – just as Doc launches himself right at Wanderlust, taking him down to the mat.
Shannan Lerch: SPEAR!!! That was AMAZING! I thought he was down for good, and then out of nowhere… a SPEAR!!!
Zach Davis: It doesn’t look like Henry’s through with him yet!
Doc stalks confidently over to the fallen Wanderlust, then shoots a glance at Jason Kash, pointing at him for a moment. Then, Henry reaches down and hooks Malachi’s legs under his arms, each movement slow and deliberate. He falls backward and launches Wanderlust right into the side of the cage. Now Doc is gaining momentum. He starts to climb the cage, stopping about a third of the way up.
Shannan Lerch: Frogsplash from Doc Henry! What an exciting match up this has been tonight, folks! The give and take from both sides has been pretty even so far, but it looks like the tag champs have the advantage now!
Zach Davis: Doc Henry goes for a pin, but Wanderlust pushes him away before the ref can even start the count. Wanderlust dives for his own corner…and the tag is made! Kash is in!
Refreshed, Jason Kash goes right after Doc, not even bothering with anything that looks like finesse or skill. He simply starts swinging. Henry backs off, dodging, blocking, and returning punches when he can. Kash drive Henry into an empty corner, where he brings up a knee and catches Doc right in the groin. There is a collective, sympathetic groan from the audience.
Shannan Lerch: Oh, that wasn’t right!
Zach Davis: No, it wasn’t, Shannan…but the ref didn’t see it, so I guess it’s…fair?
Kash pulls Henry out of the corner and Irish-whips him into the side of the cage. He follows after, grabbing Doc’s hair and bashing his face into the steel over and over, until Henry is also cut and bleeding. Then Kash drags Doc into the middle of the ring and signals for his finisher.
Shannan Lerch: This is it… Unless Johnny decides to intervene…
Of course, Johnny does. But Wanderlust is right there to meet him, keeping him well away from Kash. The two of them start beating the crap out of each other. The ref gives up and ignores them, all his attention on Henry and Kash. Jason lifts Doc up and drops him with a gutwrench powerbomb.
Zach Davis: There it is… Looks like Doc Henry’s Under the Influence… Here’s the cover!
Shannan Lerch: And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, with quite possibly the biggest upset of the evening. Your winners, and NEW tag team champions… Jason Kash and Malachi Wanderlust!
The cage rises, and the belts are brought to the victors, who lift them high overhead in celebration. Doc and Johnny look on in disbelief...
Zach Davis: I don't believe it! This is going to be a controversy. For sure.
Doc and Reb roll out of the ring.. but in a flash, Henry snaps all of a sudden. He quickly slides back in, spins Jason Kash around, and hits him with the Gambler's Hand!
Shannan Lerch: Now what the hell did he do that for!?
Kash holds his head in pain while Wanderlust looks out at the Confederacy, like "What the fuck!?" Reb yells at Henry and asks what he was doing, but Henry doesn't care. He walks to the back with Reb chasing after him.
Zach Davis: Doc Henry needs to get himself under control... or something..
And at that very moment, Oblivion comes out from the crowd behind Malachi!
Shannan Lerch: What the-
Oblivion spins him around and hits the Check Out Time out of nowhere!
Zach Davis: Guess the World Champ held true to his word... damn!
Oblivion stomps Wanderlust a few times before grabbing a mic.
Oblivion: Malachi Wanderlust.. Influential Minds.. you can CHOKE.. ON.. THAT!
Oblivion drops the mic and slides out of the ring, heading up the ramp.
Shannan Lerch: Well fans, thats all we have time for tonight. We'll see you next week.
Zach Davis: Goodnight!
Slam fades to black, though a voice is heard overtop of it...
”That’s all folks! Shows over. The nights circus has spectacularly wowed it’s followers with oh’s and ah’s. You’ve been satisfied… now go home. You want more do you? Next to the amusement of male modeling; could you expect any more from men in spandex? Oh, that’s right… the mysterious sub-soap developing throughout the night has yet to reach a conclusion. And after brutally sitting through that graduation speech pulled from a graduation speech that was indeed pulled from a different graduation speech, did you honestly want anything more to do with mauh? The pure sense of utter boredom that I enjoyably intended to force with the speech had little or nothing to do with revealing who I am. I’ve had way too much fun with you all to let the cat out of the bag so soon. So, without regarding a boost of ratings for motivation to delay this reveal… let’s say, next week… perhaps?”