Television Title Match: Bo Young vs Chris Avery
Captain Punishment/The 'Scot vs The Big Time Jerks
Paul Dangerous/D-Day vs Troy Malenko/Doc Henry
Brad Kane vs Jay Price
Zach Davis: I’ve just been informed that there has been a dispute in the parking lot between Logan and Jay Price.
Shannan Lerch: Why doesn’t that not surprise me?
Zach Davis: Yeah. I don’t think these two are EVER going to stop. Anyway, we’ve got a camera man in on the action…
On Zach’s que, the jumbotron directs a camera feed from the parking lot. Two cars are each angled into a single parking spot. The cars respectively belong to Jay Price and Logan, whom, are each inside, arguing to one another through rolled down windows.
Logan: This parking spot doesn’t say, “Boudle Parking”.
Jay Price: No. But, it does say world champion.
The announcers inside the arena commentate over the feed.
Shannan Lerch: Fighting over a parking spot now? Jesus.
Back outside, Logan presents his world title to Price.
Logan: Yeah, and, THIS is a world title. I can’t really blame you for not knowing what one would look like.
Jay Price: I know that it’d look better around my waist.
Logan: Get the hell out of my--
Price begins beeping his horn, interrupting Logan and cutting him short.
Jay Price: What was that?
Logan: Oh, that’s real cu--
Jay Price: I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t catch that.
Logan: SHUT U--
Logan jumps out of his car, baseball bat in hand. Logan swings the bat over Price’s windshield, shattering it. Price hops out, staring at the broken windshield and gasping.
Jay Price: What the hell?
Jay Price: I just bought this car.
Jay Price: Why’d you do that?!
Logan: You kept beeping the horn and cutting me off!
Jay Price: So? You didn’t have to smash my windshield.
Jay Price: Seriously.. What the hell, man? That’s like a golden rule between men. Only bitches mess with a mans car.
Looking down a bit, Logan sets the bat aside, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
Logan: It happened so fast.
Price continues looking over the damage in shock.
Jay Price: A little too fast.
Logan: If it means anything.. I could probably pay for it.
Jay Price: Damn right you will, bitch.
Snapping back into reality, Logan glares at Jay Price.
Logan: What? Wait a minute. Why the hell am I feeling bad for that? You’re Jay Price. Fuck your windshield.
Jay Price: Fuck my windshield?
Logan spits on the broken windshield. Immediately afterwards, Price dives across the hood and tackles Logan. The camera man gets knocked over in the process, breaking the camera and killing the feed. The jumbotron goes black.
Shannan Lerch: Damnit!
Zach Davis: Sorry, folks. Hang in there! We’ll get another cameraman back there as soon as possible.
Slam Roulette Segment
We open up backstage. Seth Lerch is in his office. Beside him is one of those tumbler things that you'd use to pick a random number in the lottery, and a big wheel.
Seth Lerch: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight is Slam Roulette! Eight wrestlers will face each other randomly next week, and tonight I'll pick from this tumbler to see who faces who. And do you see the big wheel beside me?
The camera focuses on it, but not enough for you to see what any of the options on the wheel say.
Seth Lerch: Well... as for the function of this wheel, you'll have to wait until later. Anyway, though, the eight wrestlers in the Slam Roulette drawing will be Jay Price, Brad Kane, Logan, Dangerous, D-Day, Johnny Reb, Doc Henry, and Troy Malenko! Tune in later tonight to see who faces who!
Bo Young vs Chris Avery
"Youth Gone Wild" by Skid Row starts playing as Ice steps out into the arena. He throws up the double bird and walks towards the ring.
Zach Davis: Here comes Bo Young and this will be our first match of the evening!
Shannan Lerch: Yes, that's right Zach, this Slam is already off to an exciting start!
Zach Davis: Bo is in the ring and awaiting the Television Champion..
The lights flicker on and off and Fabolous' Lights Out plays over the speakers to a loud chorus of boo's. Chris Avery walks directly from behind the curtain and to the ramp. He looks out at the crowd to the left and then to the right and then throws his arms into the air while a display of fireworks explode behind him in yellow color. The Television Championship is in the air in both hands and Jackson along with Tank Reaper walk down the ramp behind him, then finally Torture in a Armani suit follows them down. Avery slides into the ring as Tank, Jackson and Torture surround the ring on the outside.
Shannan Lerch: Man Made Gods or what have you are certainly outnumbering Bo Young!
Zach Davis: Never alone it seems.
The bell sounds and Avery strikes first with a bunch of strikes! Bo is thrown to the ropes and Avery bends down, but Bo stops and kicks him in the head! Avery lifts up and Bo goes for a clothesline but Avery ducks so Avery runs to the ropes while Bo makes a 180 degree turn. Avery goes for a cross body but Bo catches him and slams him down on the mat! Bo pins but it's a kick up at two!
Shannan Lerch: Bo going for early pins could wear down the defense of Avery!
Bo lifts up Avery and nails him with lefts and rights before throwing him into the corner. Bo runs and hits a mean clothesline and lets Avery stagger out before lifting him up and turning him to the middle of the ring with a thunderous spine buster! Bo pins but again it's only a two count!
Zach Davis: Bo trying to catch a fast count here, trying to get Avery on a shock-pinfall!
Bo lifts up Avery and notices Tank getting up on the apron and Bo kicks out Tanks leg so he falls off the apron, but Torture has the ref distracted! Jackson gets on the apron and Bo comes over to him but Jackson kicks Bo right in the groin! Jackson gets off the apron, and Avery gets on his knees behind Bo and hits another low blow from behind, and then school boy pins him! Avery has Bo wrapped up! The ref turns around..
One! Two! Three!
The crowd disapproves as Avery's music sounds off over the speakers and Tank, Jackson and Torture slide into the ring. Avery picks up Bo and tosses him out of the ring. The music is cut off and Torture demands a microphone.
Zach Davis: Oh yay, we get to hear him talk.
Torture: Shut up, all of you.
The crowd boo's louder. Tank, Jackson and Avery with his Television Championship stand in the middle of the ring. Torture paces back and forth in front of them.
Torture: Jay Price is backstage preparing for a huge main event tonight, and just like he proclaims that he is the future of WCF, I know that Price has tonight under control. However, let's discuss last week. At Helloween, Team WCF or Team Logan, or whatever the hell you want to call those three bums did NOT defeat us. We were cheated out of a fair match, and because of that, the Helloween match is thrown out. We are not looking in the past now. J.J. Biggs made a mistake and he took on authority and when you take on my authority you lose. Biggs, if you ever show your face in Wrestling Championship Federation again.. You will lose.
The crowd pops for Biggs.
Zach Davis: Biggs was really influential in how Helloween ended for The Man Made Gods..
Torture: Now. On to bigger business. Brad Kane. Yeah, I heard your challenge, and yeah it fell on deaf ears.. do you want my answer? Here it is.. No.
The crowd boos.
Torture: No. Never. Not going to happen. Brad Kane, you seem to forget that I nearly ended your life and everything in it and I didn't because I figured you learned your lesson and would just go away, but your last ditch efforts, your last chance at grasping towards the top of Wrestling Championship Federation is a waste. You're washed up, and you're a bum, and tonight Jay Price proves that. Brad Kane, find another opponent at One, because it's not me.
The crowd boos as Torture drops the microphone and they try to exit the ring when the jumbotron lights up and Seth Lerch appears on it smiling. The crowd instant-pops and Seth Lerch begins speaking.
Seth Lerch: Hey guys, uh, quick thing, I hate to do this now, but I honestly don't care what you have to say. Hell, I don't think anyone cares..
The crowd agrees by cheering for Seth.
Seth Lerch: However, it's time to spin the wheel for next week's Monday Night Slam! Whoo!! That's right, Avery! I'm talking to you. You get to defend your Television Championship against an opponent on the wheel! Let's give her a spin, shall we?
Seth turns and spins the wheel. Over twenty names are listed on the wheel and it continues spinning. Avery locks eyes to the jumbotron as the wheel begins to slow down. The wheel stops and Seth reads the name and turns back towards the camera! The crowd pops as Seth Lerch mentions Avery's opponent!
Seth Lerch: Whoo! You're defending your Television Championship against Jesster!!!!
Huge pop! Chris Avery yells out "What?"
Seth Lerch: That's right Avery! You just may.. GET A DICK IN YO' ASS!
Chris Avery looks at Torture in some sort of fright as the rest of them try to calm him down. Torture is telling him everything will be fine.
Seth Lerch: Good luck next week Avery, don't get no.. DICK IN YO' ASS! Buwahahah..
Seth Lerch disappears off the Jumbotron as Monday Night Slam goes to a commercial with Avery all freaked out about next week's opponent. The crowd starts a chant "DICK IN YO ASS! DICK IN YO ASS! DICK IN YO ASS!"
Johnny Reb Segment
Zach Davis: Ok, before we move on to the next match… I’m getting word from the back that Johnny Reb has just arrived. Rumor has it that the Inveterate Confederate has chosen his new tag team partner, and will be announcing his choice tonight!
Shannan Lerch: That’s right, Zach. Hank Brown is standing by to try and get a word with Johnny. Let’s take a look!
The Jumbotron flickers to life. Dressed in a gray suit and string tie, wearing one title belt and carrying the other over his shoulder, Johnny strides purposefully down a long corridor, lined on one side with crates and equipment. Overhead, the fluorescent lights waver, casting a diluted, unsteady glow.
All at once, the lights fail completely, throwing the scene into near total darkness. There is a brief clamor; the sounds of a struggle, crates being tipped over; a crash here, a thud there.
Zach Davis: What the hell is going on back there?! Somebody get those lights on!
One final dull sound, as something heavy hits the floor, and the lights return to their fitful glow. Johnny Reb is on the floor, thoroughly battered and barely conscious.
Shannan Lerch: Ohmigawd!!! Someone just attacked the Inveterate Confederate!
Zach Davis: And I think we all know who it was, Shannan…
Shannan Lerch: This is a travesty! I don’t believe it! Who would do such a thing?
Zach Davis: Um… Just off the top of my head, I’d say Doc Henry…
Shannan Lerch: Oh, yeah. Probably him.
On the Jumbotron, Reb stirs as a pair of medics arrive and begin tending to his injuries, before the whole scene fades to black.
Zach Davis: That was insane! I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to find out who his new partner is…
Captain Punishment/The 'Scot vs The Big Time Jerks
Zach Davis: And now it's time for quite an unlikely tag team match!
Shannan Lerch: Oh I don't know about that, Zach. I'd say this match is about par for the course by WCF standards of weirdness.
"Stand or Walk Away" by HellYeah starts playing and out walks Adam, Austin and Michael in the smoked filled entranceway. The fans start chanting BTJ as the trio makes its way to the ring. The trio walk towards the ring with icey glares as the fans keep chanting BTJ. Adam slides in under the top rope and Austin flips over the top rope. They stand in the middle of the ring and give the BTJ sign, only the last three fingers up in the air.
Zach Davis: There they are! The two-time former WCF Tag Team Champions! The Jerks look focused and ready to compete, as always.
Shannan Lerch: They're looking to regain those Tag Team Titles that they cherish so dearly, Zach, and I wouldn't bet against them.
Zach Davis: Before they can do that they'll have to get past one of the stranger tandems in recent WCF history.
Shannan Lerch: As I've stated I find nothing particularly strange or unusual about The 'Scot and Captain Punishment or their relationship.
Zach Davis: You don't find it strange that a babe like The 'Scot is wasting her time with a masked twerp like Captain Punishment?
Shannan Lerch: What the hell? What's gotten into you, Zach?
Zach Davis: I'm sorry I just...I thought that I was The 'Scot's baby daddy!
Shannan Lerch: Uh...
"King For a Day" by Green Day hits the speakers, the 'Scot prances out onto the top of the ramp to a roar of cheers. He prematurely celebrates, jumping around on the stage and throwing his hands in the air.
"Just wait till all the guys get a load of me!"
The 'Scot skips around the stage swaying his hips and arms in rhythm to the music. He flees down the ramp and rolls into the ring, dancing in place till "King For a Day" cuts, his newspaper stuffed 'boobs' bouncing everywhere.
Zach Davis: Look at those boobs bounce! And they're not the only thing bouncing around here, I'll tell you that!
Shannan Lerch: Zach! Is that a microphone in your pants or are you waaaaaay too happy to see The 'Scot?
The 'Scot grabs a microphone from a ringside attendant and then walks over to the middle of the ring. The BTJ's point and laugh at their transsexual opponent, but The 'Scot is undeterred as he raises the mic to his lips as if it were a juicy wiener.
The 'Scot: Me and the Captain made it happen!
The crowd pops.
The 'Scot: That's right and I couldn't be happier than to have a big strong superhero like Captain Punishment as the father of my child! Pun baby, I know that you're nervous about being a daddy. I know that this wasn't exactly planned, on your behalf at least, but that doesn't make what we've done any less special. We have created life!
The BTJ's gag and feign vomiting in their corner. The rest of the arena is far more supportive, offering cheers of encouragement.
The 'Scot: To put your mind at ease, Pun, I'm going to sing you a song! Mr. Producer, cue the intro!
The opening strains of David Soul's "Don't Give Up On Us" fill the arena. The lights go down with a single spotlight focused on The 'Scot as he sways his hips in time with the music.
The 'Scot: Don't give up on us, baaaby! Don't make the wrooong seem right! The future isn't just onnne night! It's written in the moonliiight, and painted on the staaars! We can't change oouuurs!
The BTJ's interrupt The 'Scot's lovely serenade by ambushing him from behind. Adams and Young stomp away at The 'Scot as referee Scott Cloverleaf tries to usher them back to their corner, but to no avail.
Zach Davis: Somebody stop this savage assault! This isn't right! It isn't right damn it to deprive the world of The 'Scot's beautiful singing voice!
Shannan Lerch: Why don't you jump in there, Zach?
Zach Davis: Damn it, Shannan! That's not fair! I'm no more an athlete than JaMarcus Russell!
The lights in the arena all go out, plunging the crowd into darkness. Flashing red and blue lights being lighting up the crowd as out of nowhere "Hero" by Skillet begins playing over the PA system. Quick red, white and blue pyro go off from the stage as Captain Punishment walks out from from the back. No heroic pose tonight from Captain Punishment. He charges to the ring with purpose as the lights come back up.
Zach Davis: Captain Punishment has hit the ring and he's getting him some of The Big Time Jerks!
Punishment drops each of the Jerks with headscissor takedowns as the referee timidly calls for the bell to start the match.
DING! DING! DING!
Zach Davis: Well it looks like this match is finally underway and--oof! Captain Punishment just dropped Adam Young with a running bulldog! He makes the cover!
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Austin Adams saves his fellow Jerk with a stomp to the back of Captain Punishment's head. Adams guzzles Punishment, his massive hand wrapped around the masked superhero's neck.
Zach Davis: It could be lights out early for Captain Punishment! Adams is going for the chokeslam!
The 'Scot comes in from behind with a chop block that buckles Adams's knee.
Shannan Lerch: The 'Scot saves his baby daddy! How sweet!
The 'Scot picks Adams up and hits a massive powerbomb that shakes the foundation of the ring.
Zach Davis: Holy [bleep]! I've never seen The 'Scot this motivated!
Shannan Lerch: I guess that's what happens when you put your hands on her, uh, his baby daddy. Is it "her" or "his"? Which one are we going with at this point? I'm confused.
The 'Scot makes a pinfall attempt on the throttled Jerk.
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Adam Young makes the save as all four competitors remain in the ring.
Zach Davis: I have to say this referee, what's his name Cloverleaf? He hasn't done a very good job of restoring order in this match.
Shannan Lerch: This is what happens when Seth hires "regional" referees to save a few bucks.
Zach Davis: We're in Alaska, right? Seth probably found him at Sarah Palin's house, plowing one of her daughters.
Young tries to Irish whip The 'Scot into the ropes but The 'Scot reverses it. Young is sent into the ropes as Captain Punishment and The 'Scot join hands and hit a double clothesline that sends Young flying over the top rope. Austin Adams climbs to his feet. Punishment and The 'Scot turn around and hits Adams with a double clothesline as well, sending him to the same fate as his partner.
Zach Davis: Captain Punishment and The 'Scot have cleaned house and this is the moment that we've been waiting for! Punishment and The 'Scot alone in the ring!
Shannan Lerch: I haven't been this anxious since the conclusion of that popular teen film about vampires in love when what's her face decided which overtly homosexual looking vampire she was going to spend the rest of eternity with.
The crowd is electric as CP and The 'Scot stand in the middle of the ring mere feet apart from each other. Punishment casts a leery glance at The 'Scot. The 'Scot bats his lashes at the Captain. The 'Scot suddenly reaches out and grabs a handful of Captain Punishment's junk. The 'Scot squeezes tight as Punishment screams out in pain and bounces around gingerly on the mat. The 'Scot smiles.
The 'Scot: They're mine, Pun! They belong to me now! I'm your baby mama!
Captain Punishment can only grimace and spasm in pain as The 'Scot tightens his vise grip. The referee intervenes in an attempt to break The 'Scot's grip. This allows Big Time Jerks manager Michael Nirvana to sneak up behind The 'Scot and clobber him with his trademark tennis racket. The 'Scot finally releases Captain Punishment's balls from his grip as both men fall to the mat. Nirvana discreetly rolls out of the ring and shoots an "I didn't do nothin!" look toward the skeptical referee.
Zach Davis: That damn Michael Nirvana! How dare he interrupt a beautiful, private moment between two lovers?!
Shannan Lerch: I don't know how beautiful it was for Captain Punishment or how private it was considering that it happened on national television, but I understand where you're coming from.
Nirvana barks orders at his clients, Adams and Young. The Jerks climb into the ring. Young tosses Captain Punishment out to the floor and then he and Adams double-team The 'Scot with powerful blows to the midsection. Adams holds The 'Scot in place while Young starts revving up the band, signaling that the end is near.
Zach Davis: Uh-oh. I don't like the looks of this. Could Young be on the verge of hitting his patented Sure Shot?
Young lets loose and does indeed hit his version of Sweet Chin Music on The 'Scot. Adams climbs out to the ring apron per the referee's instructions as Young makes the cover on The 'Scot.
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Zach Davis: The 'Scot kicked out! I don't believe it! Where did he ever mustard the strength and the wherewithal to do that?!
Shannan Lerch: Careful with those hot dog references, Zach. You don't want to get stewed, I mean sued. Damn it now I'm making food references and they're unintentional!
Young is relentless on the attack. He shows no mercy as he twists The 'Scot into a pretzel using an old school Gory Special. The 'Scot screams out in pain but he refuses to quit as the crowd cheers his name "Scot! Scot! Scot!" again and again.
Zach Davis: It looks like Adam Young's technical prowess is a bit too much for The 'Scot. The 'Scot has guts, in addition to the firmest set of buns that I've ever laid eyes upon, but once Adam Young gets a hold of your body and starts twisting your tendons and bending your ligaments then you're as good as finished.
Suddenly a look of pleasure comes across The 'Scot's face.
Shannan Lerch: Hold the phone, Zach. The 'Scot is no ordinary WCF superstar. He has an extensive background in S&M games. I think...I think he's getting off on this!
Zach Davis: Oh yes! We've seen this from him before, and against Adam Young no less!
The referee's eyes grow wide as he spots the sudden bulge in The 'Scot's panties.
Scott Cloverleaf: I think you want to release the hold, Adam!
Young looks at the referee like he's nuts and shakes his head emphatically no. The ref points toward his groin and then toward The 'Scot. It takes a few moments to sink in but Young eventually gets the message. He gags and quickly releases the hold.
Zach Davis: It's rare that we see Young release his opponent from a hold once he's got it locked in, but I guarantee you that Young was thinking about the last time that The 'Scot became erect while in his grasp!
Shannan Lerch: Oh my...The 'Scot ain't no half-hung brotha, Zach.
Zach Davis: You're telling me, hehe!
Adam Young is clearly disgusted as he puts the boots to The 'Scot at a furious pace. Young then decides to tag his partner into the match. The Jerks wait for The 'Scot to get up from the mat, stomp him in the midsection and then obliterate him with a double Stunner.
Zach Davis: Shangri-La! That has to do it! Nobody gets up from that!
Adams confidently makes the cover on The 'Scot, not even bothering to hook a leg.
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Zach Davis: The 'Scot kicks out! Unbelievable! What brand of hot dog has this man, or woman, been consuming of late?! Granted we've seen The 'Scot absorb plenty of punishment, as in Captain get it, during his matches but nothing like this!
Shannan Lerch: The 'Scot is obviously doing it for the child that he or she created with Captain Punishment! It's the only explanation!
Zach Davis: Speaking of whom, where exactly is Captain Punishment?
Shannan Lerch: He hit pretty hard on the outside of the ring earlier in this match, Zach. Oh wait...there he is now!
Captain Punishment groggily climbs onto the apron in his team's corner of the ring. The crowd is cheering on The 'Scot, begging for him to crawl to his corner and make the tag to CP, but the Captain is markedly silent as he stands there. Adams shoots The 'Scot into the ropes and plants him with a stiff spinebuster.
Zach Davis: Adams with the cover once again! Will this be it?
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Zach Davis: Kickout by The 'Scot!
Shannan Lerch: This crowd is going nuts, Zach, but one man who seems conspicuously unanimated is Captain Punishment. I'm not sure if he wanted The 'Scot to kick out, though it's hard to read his face with that mask covering it.
Zach Davis: I wonder who it is underneath that mask?
Adams plants The 'Scot with a Fireman's carry chest blower.
Zach Davis: Could it be Prince Jimmy Dean? One of the Dreadnoks? Perhaps even the infamous Ellis?
Adams makes the cover.
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Shannan Lerch: The chest is flat enough and the voice deep enough to be Ellis, that's for sure!
Scott Cloverleaf: THRE--NO!!!
The 'Scot kicks out again and the crowd rises to its feet.
Zach Davis: The 'Scot has no quit! No quit at all!
Shannan Lerch: The 'Scot is all heart, in addition to cock and balls, but he needs to tag Captain Punishment into this match. I know there's an awkward vibe between those two right now, but it's the only way they can win this match. They have to work together for the sake of their team, their relationship and their child.
Adams goes for a move of unknown intent when The 'Scot connects from out of nowhere with a Diamond Cutter.
Zach Davis: The 'Scot goes bang! I haven't heard a crowd in Alaska this loud since the last time Bristol Palin bent down!
Shannan Lerch: The 'Scot is inching closer to his corner! He's trying to tag Captain Punishment!
Zach Davis: Hold the phone, Shannan! Adams is trying to tag his partner Adam Young and he's nearly there!
Adams tags Young and The 'Scot almost simultaneously tags Captain Punishment. CP shows great agility as he leaps over the top rope and drills Young with the Heroic Punch. Young appears to be out cold on the mat. Punishment then turns his attention to The 'Scot. The 'Scot is slumped down on the mat, recovering from his injuries. CP pulls The 'Scot to his feet and props him up in the corner. The Captain is screaming at The 'Scot, who is barely conscious.
Shannan Lerch: I can only make out every third or fourth word that Captain Punishment is screaming at The 'Scot but none of them are fit to air on this a family program, Zach.
Zach Davis: Yes, Captain Punishment does not appear to be very happy with his tag team partner/lover, but we still have a match going on here. The Captain has to get his head in the game!
Punishment finally realizes that he's not getting through to The 'Scot and turns his attention back to Young. Young is slowly climbing to his feet. Captain Punishment snapmares Young to the mat, charges off the ropes and hits a dropkick to Young's face. Punishment follows up with a sitout jawbreaker and makes the cover.
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Young kicks out. Punishment hits a scoop slam on Young then runs to the corner and leaps onto the top rope. Punishment does the Muscle Pose to the delight of the fans before launching himself into the air and hitting a picture perfect Frog splash.
Zach Davis: Flying Punishment! Will that be enough?!
Scott Cloverleaf: ONE...
Adams tries to make the save.
Zach Davis: Captain Punishment wins it for his team! This has to be considered an upset, Shannan!
Shannan Lerch: Definitely! You have to give Punishment and The 'Scot a lot of credit, Zach. With all of the issues between them they still managed to put all that aside and work together as a team. Kind of.
"Hero" by Skillet begins playing over the PA system. Captain Punishment does the Heroic Pose to celebrate his team's victory. The 'Scot climbs to his feet and joins his partner in the middle of the ring as the referee raises their hands. After that brief moment of jubilation Captain Punishment confronts his partner. Punishment sticks his finger in The 'Scot's chest, quickly realizes that he's touching one of The 'Scot's fake boobs and promptly withdraws said finger.
Zach Davis: The 'Scot looks turned on now, Shannan!
Shannan Lerch: He sure does, Zach! Look...that growth has returned to his panties!
The 'Scot suddenly leaps into Captain Punishment's arms and begins kissing him. Punishment tries to pry The 'Scot off of him but The 'Scot will not relent. Punishment unloads with a flurry of punches but The 'Scot maintains his grip and continues kissing CP. Finally a group of referees and road agents descend upon the ring to separate the two.
Zach Davis: Wow! What passion! What intensity! What excitement!
Shannan Lerch: I can't wait until these two go one-on-one!
The ‘Scot grabs a microphone from a ringside official and motions over to Captain Punishment to stay in the ring. The Captain hesitates at first, but does.
The ‘Scot: Punny, it’s time you meet your baby. It’s time the world meets OUR baby. Ladies and gentlemen, our sweet little angel’d face cuite, Leroy!
‘Scot points to the entrance ramp where everyone else shifts their eyes. From the back approaches a very dark black man. He stands over seven foot tall, and has a gigantic afro. He’s wearing a huge white diaper.
Zach Davis: That MAN cannot be their baby.
Shannan Lerch: Why not? Maybe he aged real fast.
Zach Davis: …right.
Leroy climbs over the top rope and immediately grabs Captain Punishment giving him a hug that lifts the Captain off his feet. The camera can catch Leroy mouthing the words, “Luv you daddy”, as Leroy nearly squeezes the life out of his ‘Father’ with the loving embrace. The ‘Scot happily claps on, a small tear forming at his eye.
Zach Davis: The ‘Scot’s got some explaining to do.
Shannan Lerch: Can’t you just let them be a happy family?
Slam Roulette Segment
We open up backstage once again. Seth begins spinning the tumbler.
Seth Lerch: Alright! Lets find out the Slam Roulette matches for next week!
He picks two names.
Seth Lerch: Johnny Reb! Versus...
Seth Lerch: Paul Dangerous!
Cheering. Seth picks two more names.
Seth Lerch: Doc Henry! Against..
Dun dun dun...
Seth Lerch: LOGAN!
Seth Lerch: D-Day, up against...
Hmm... who is it gonna be?
Seth Lerch: Jay Price!
Seth Lerch: Brad Kane vs Troy Malenko!
Zach Davis: Wow!
Shannan Lerch: Those are four very interesting, very fresh matchups! I can't wait!
Seth Lerch: See you next week!
Logan/Jay Price Segment
“4 Words To Choke Upon” by BFMV hit’s the speakers.
Zach Davis: That’s Jay Price’s theme!
Shannan Lerch: Duh.
Zach Davis: I guess he quit fighting with Logan or.. Got the better of him. Damnit! Those slack ass cameramen.
A woman in her fifties comes out instead of Price.
Shannan Lerch: Who is that?!
Zach Davis: That’s Jay Price’s Mother!
Shannan Lerch: How do you know?
Zach Davis: I seen her in a promo with Price awhile back.
And, indeed, Jay’s Mom stops at the top of the ramp, microphone in hand. The music cuts.
Jay Price’s Mother: I’ve bite my tongue long enough. No more. No more can I watch them do this. It just keeps getting worse and worse. Eventually, I’m afraid they’re going to seriously hurt each other. My Son, Jay Price, has already suffered a serious neck injury by his hands. He could’ve been paralyzed. Does anyone out here have a son or daughter? Do have any idea how that would make you feel? You see, what makes this worse is.. I’ve been keeping a secret. At first, I was not entirely sure. But, now, I am certain. Before I had Jay Price, I had another child. He was a boy. I was very young.. A teenager, still just a child myself. I didn’t believe in abortion but I couldn’t raise the child either. The Father was currently in prison serving a life sentence for capital murder, so, I couldn’t rely on him. My parents weren’t of much help either. So, thirty-eight years ago, in 1972, I put my newborn baby up for adoption in hopes that he’d find a better life than the one I could give him. But.. Just a few months ago, out of curiosity, I wished to know how he was doing. To find out what type of man he became. And, after tracing back to the people who adopted him.. I realized something very horrible and rare had happened. You see, by chance, or fate, I currently have TWO sons that are employees of WCF.
Zach Davis: WHAT?! Jay Price has a brother in WCF?!
Shannan Lerch: It can’t be…
Jay Price’s Mother: You may know the child I gave birth to those many years ago as…. Logan.
Zach Davis: LOGAN!??!?! OH MY GOD!!
Jay Price’s Mother: And by some freakish fate, my Son is in a blood feud with my other Son, and the two have no idea they’re related to each other. Brothers. By some fate, they’ve managed to take the same career path, in the same company, and.. They hate each other. This would’ve been better off not known between the two had they not wanted to kill each other, but, now they know.. I hope it can somehow bring them together to some mutual agreement. Price.. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I first found out, but, I just didn’t know how to. I don’t think I had a choice to tell you now. I’m sorry. And, Logan, despite the circumstances.. It’s nice to see you after all these years, and, honestly, I’m very proud of the way your life turned out.
She drops the microphone away from her mouth, wiping tears from her cheeks, and heading off backstage.
Shannan Lerch: I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!
Zach Davis: LOGAN AND JAY PRICE… BROTHERS?!
The cameras finally catch up with the two backstage, the jumbotron once again lights up. The two are simply standing apart from each other, staring at each other with nothing but confusion. A TV monitor sits nearby them which just aired the segment of their Mother’s speech. Jay Price and Logan, neither sure rather to keep fighting or not - do nothing but stare in one another’s eyes. The camera cuts off.
Paul Dangerous/D-Day vs Troy Malenko/Doc Henry
As we come back from commercial, Dangerous and D-Day are already in the ring. Looks like Dangerous is going to start the match, they're ready to go. Next up, Troy Malenko's music hits and he begins coming to the ring. Troy suddenly turns to the announcer's table and gestures for a mic as he walks over to the ropes. A microphone is handed to him and he turns around and puts the mic to his lips.
Troy Malenko: You know, I was going to just forget about what happened next week and just take out my frustration and anger out on my opponent, but that's just not going to do. Seth Lerch, we both know that I should have won that match last week.
See, if it was anyone else, you would have restarted that match in a second. But no, since the 'Scot came out and messed up my chances at winning long enough for Dangerous to sneak in a win, you're not doing a damn thing about it. You're doing it because it's me since I brought Gravedigger back with me to WCF.
I expect for you to constantly screw with me and try to bring me down because I'm with your archnemesis. I expect it and I don't blame you for doing so, but if you think I'm not going to be getting revenge and getting you back when you do it, you're sadly mistaken.
I'm going to give you until next week on Slam to contact me and let me know that you have added me to the United States title match at One. If I arrive at the building next week for Slam and look back to see that you never got in touch with me and gave me what I'm demanding, I promise by the end of the show next week....that you will regret not giving me what I want.
Gravedigger is my manager. I know your strengths, I know your weaknesses. I know what makes you tick. I know what will bring you down and I will not hesitate to do so if I'm forced to.
Troy turns and hurls the mic at the timekeeper, nearly hitting him in the face with it. He turns back to the entranceway with a pissed off look on his face.
Zach Davis: Wow, Troy Malenko is definitely not a happy camper!
Shannan Lerch: Well, he got what he deserved bringing Gravedigger back to WCF. Gravedigger burned down my brother's house, closed the company and even called in a gang to beat down my brother over the past few months.
Next up, Doc Henry comes to the ring.
Zach Davis: Can you believe what we saw with Reb earlier tonight? Wow.
Henry enters the ring and the bell sounds. Dangerous runs at Henry, Henry ducks a Clothesline, and as Dangerous turns around Henry hits the Gambler's Hand!
Shannan Lerch: What the-
Before anyone knows whats going on, Henry pins Dangerous!
Dangerous gets his foot under the ropes.
Zach Davis: What the!?
The bell sounds! Henry rolls out of the ring, raising his arms in victory, smiling broadly. D-Day is arguing with the ref, trying to explain to him that Dangerous' leg was under the ropes.
Shannan Lerch: Time for another commercial break... what a bizarre situation this was!
Big Time Jerks Segment
The arena goes pitch black as bells toll, "Hells Bells" by AC/DC starts playing as smoke fills the entranceway as well as spraying from under the ring. From the back comes a black horse drawn Undertakers carriage being pulled by a black horse and driven by a man dressed in all black. A flash of light hits the entranceway and standing there are the Big Time Jerks. They head towards the ring with mics in hand.
Adam Young: Austin and I have been telling you for over a year now that the Day of the Dead was comeing and it is here. WCF you where warned and now you shall pay the piper his just rewards. From this point on every WCF wrestler or employee is open game. It doesn't matter if its in the ring or in the parking lot your all our prey now. Get ready for your Rapture!
The lights fade out and when they come back on the Big Time Jerks are gone but a tombstone is in the ring with the name of Shannon Lerch on it. The camera pans over on her just in time to see a bucket of pig's blood fall all over her from above.
Brad Kane vs Jay Price
We come back from commercial with a shot of Zach Davis and Shannan Lerch sitting at the announce table.
Shannan Lerch: I'm getting word now that we apparently have something of interest going on backstage. Let's take it to the back.
Cameras have caught up with the This_Is_War team backstage in the hallways as the group seems to be discussing a strategy for the main event. Jay Price, however, doesn't seem at all pleased with what he's hearing.
Shaun Jackson: Look Jay, we're not saying that you need our help. But it couldn't hurt for one or two of us to come out with you and be in your corner.
Jay Price: Fuck that Shaun, team or not I'm still the future of this fucking company and I can handle some little punk like Brad Kane on my own.
Shaun Jackson: But we...
Jay Price: No butts Jackson, I know what I'm doing. Now I'm telling all of you now, stay back here and out of my business. Tonight Brad Kane is mine and mine alone.
The camera pans over to Torture and CD who both nod approvingly at Price's take charge attitude as he walks off from the group. The camera shot switches back to a shot of the announce table.
Zach Davis: Seems like Price is dead set on taking care of business by himself tonight.
Shannan Lerch: Maybe he's looking to let off steam following the This_Is_War team's defeat at Helloween.
Zach Davis: We'll find out soon because coming up next is our.....say it with me Shannan......MAIN EVENT!
The scene fades out to another series of commercials.
Kyle Steel: The following is our main event, and it is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first...
The opening to "War Is My Destiny" by Ill Bill feat. Immortal Technique flares up, the lights dimming down. Everyone can see a shadow standing in the entry way. Standing in the middle of the entry way is Brad Kane with Megan right behind him. The crowd begins to give him a huge ovation as he stays in the entry way for another few moments, letting all the suspense build. He begins to move his head, looking out into the thousands of fans that are in attendance tonight. More moment follows as he takes a few steps and throws his right arm out into the air, letting out a war cry before walking toward the ring.
Kyle Steel: From San Diego California, weighing in at 227 pounds....Brad Kaaaaane.
Many of the fans extend their hands out, looking for some form of contact. Brad slaps their hands as does Megan. When he reaches ringside, he walks completely around the outside of the ring, high fiving more fans. Once he's done walking around ringside, he heads up one set of the stairs and gets onto the apron while Megan follows him in. Brad Kane enters the ring through the middle rope as he heads to the nearest turnbuckle, going to the top. He looks out into the crowd, seeing the cheering fans taking pictures. Brad leaps off and heads to the other side of the ring and proceeds to do the same thing as more pictures are snapped. Jumping back off, he then backs into that corner, leaning against the ropes as Megan gives him a kiss for good luck. As she leaves the ring, he waits while his music fades off.
Kyle Steel: And introducing his opponent...
All of the main lights in the arena go out as a series of red lights light up the stage, ramp and the ring. "4 Words To Choke Upon" by BFMV hits the speakers, and while it's loud enough to deafen the people even in the cheap seats, it can barely be heard over the massive booing coming from the crowd as Jay Price makes his way out onto the stage from the back, his head and most of his face hidden under the hood of a black sweatjacket.
Kyle Steel: From Philadelphia Pennsylvania, weighing in at 240 pounds...Jay Priiiiice.
He pauses and makes sure to point out the Elite Title draped over his right shoulder...and then the People's Title draped over his left shoulder....which only incites the crowd more. He then makes his way down the ramp, taking his sweet time as usual as he mockingly attempts to slap a few children's hands before pulling his hand back at the last moment. He finally reaches the ring steps and climbs them, makes his way through the ropes, and then climbs up the nearest corner to the second turnbuckle. He extends both arms out to the side, raises his middle finger on both hands to the crowd and then brings his hands together in front of him. He then hops out of the corner....and Kane attacks him from behind from out of nowhere. Kane pulls the sweatshirt over his head and starts hammering away at his back as Price stumbles around temporarily blinded.
Shannan Lerch: And we knew that this match wasn't going to be pretty. Brad Kane hates Torture with a passion, and anyone that is associated with him is just as bad in his eyes.
The referee tries to step in and separate Kane from Price but Brad won't back off as he puts him in a headlock and starts punching away at his face through the sweatshirt. The referee again tries to break things up and Kane pushes him away....and Price hits him with a low blow. Kane stumbles back and Price pulls off the sweatshirt before wrapping it around his neck using it to strangle him. The referee steps in and yells for Price to stop, and then begins the five count. Price lets it get to four before he unwraps it from his neck and throws it out of the ring, Kane falling to the mat coughing in the process. The crowd starts up an early "BK!" chant....to which Price responds by stomping at Kane with each "BK" he hears.
Zach Davis: Jay Price really does love the fans, wouldn't you say Shannan.
Shannan Lerch: About as much as I love you Zach.
Price pulls Kane up to his feet and whips him into the corner. Kane crashes backfirst and Price is on him right away with a series of lefts and rights. The referee steps in and starts up the five count. Price backs off at four as the referee checks on Kane...only to run at him looking for a yakuza kick. Kane sees it coming and he ducks out of the way as Price ends up painfully straddling the top turnbuckle.
Kane bounces the top rope up and down a few times to make it worse and then steps out onto the apron only to deliver a stiff roundhouse kick to Price's head that knocks him to the mat. Kane then springboards over the top rope and hits a splash onto Price for the pin fall.
And Price kicks out before the count of two as the crowd collectively gets back behind Kane. "BK!" chants deafen the arena as Kane sits Price up and then delivers a stiff kick to the back.
Zach Davis: And Kane is again in control of this match as the noise from the crowd is making it hard to hear.
Price tries rolling out of the way of Kane's kicks, but several are able to land before he can roll out of the ring. Price tries to collect himself on the outside...but Kane rushes the ropes and hits a suicide dive that takes both men to the arena floor. The referee begins the 10 count as Kane continues to lay on the offense.
Kane pulls Price to his feet and whips him into the barricade. Fans cheer as Kane moves in and chops away at his chest.
Kane with a knee to the midsection that he follows up by whipping him back first into the side of the ring.
Shannan Lerch: And Brad Kane is taking it right to The Future, not letting him get any sort of offense going.
Kane lifts Price up and rolls him under the bottom rope before sliding in himself. He then hooks the leg as he goes for the pin fall.
And Price kicks out before the three count as the crowd boos the referee. Kane tries pulling Price to his feet...but Price counters from out of nowhere with an elbow to the gut. He follows that up with a european uppercut out of nowhere and he has Kane reeling backward into the ropes. Price rushes him looking for a clothesline but Kane lifts him up and over the ropes...only for Price to land on the apron. Kane has no idea as Price grabs his head from behind and then drops to the mat, dropping Kane neck first over the top rope. Price stays on the outside and grabs Kane by the leg before pulling him out onto the floor.
Shannan Lerch: What is Price doing? Why isn't he trying to go for the pin fall?
Price whips Kane backfirst into the barricade and in a near mirror image from earlier, he starts laying into his chest with a series of chops. The crowd's booing turns into a loud "BK!" chant which lights a fire in Kane's eyes. Kane blocks one of Price's shots and responds with a punch to the head. The two begin trading shot for shot outside the ring as the crowd goes nuts for the action. The referee has no choice but to start the ten count as they battle all over the arena floor.
Brad Kane lands a stiff right hand just as Price returns a stiff right hand of his own. They both start trading punches lefts and rights now!
Brad Kane slams Price back into the guardrail as Price returns with a kick to the gut and a slap across the face! BK runs forward and tackles Price back into the guardrail!
The ref turns and demands the bell to be rang and it sounds! The crowd has a mixed reaction as the ref slides out of the ring and tries to break them apart. Brad Kane shoves the ref back and Price clotheslines the ref down, then Brad Kane clotheslines Price down! The crowd cheers for Brad Kane but those cheers quickly turn to boos when Tank Reaper kicks Brad Kane in the back and shoves him forward. Brad Kane rolls into the ring and stands up when he notices Price, Tank, Jackson, Creeping Death, Torture, Frost Ingvar and Avery all surround the ring. Brad Kane notices all of them as they quickly stand up on the apron.
Zach Davis: We've seen this many times before!
Shannan Lerch: Either Brad needs more help, or he's going to get swarmed!
They hit the ring at the same time and Brad Kane baseball slides through Tanks legs and right out of the ring and the crowd pops. Torture flips out and takes off his suit jacket and slams it on the ground and begins to rip into the members of Man Made Gods / This_Is_War. Torture shoves Tank back and gets into the face of Price and Avery.
The jumbrotron lights up.
Zach Davis: Hey, look! Seth is back on the screen!
Seth Lerch: Helllllooooooo guys!
The very sarcastic sweet voice of Seth is heard over the speakers and the crowd pops.
Seth Lerch: I almost forgot! Creeping Death you have an opponent next week on Slam too and since you're in the ring I figured I'd give your wheel a spin! Shall we? Of course we shall!
Seth spins the wheel and Creeps looks up at the jumbotron. The crowd is standing in anticipation as for whom the wheel stops on. The names are blurred as the wheel spins fast but it begins to slow down..
Zach Davis: Again this is Creeping Death getting a random opponent next week on Slam..
Seth Lerch: Oh, it's slowing down! Oh... there goes Logan... and there goes Prince Jimmy Dean!
The crowd kind of pops for both names.. then the wheel stops and Seth Lerch looks surprised but then he turns to a winning smile..
Seth Lerch: Oh my God! Creeping Death.. your opponent next week on Monday Night Slam is...
The camera pans quickly into the name and the crowd goes nutso!
Seth Lerch: TORTURE!!!!!!!
Torture looks up at the jumbotron with glaring eyes. Creeping Death turns around and locks eyes with Torture. This surprises the rest of the team. Creeping Death with a serious face.
Zach Davis: WOW! First the last few weeks this team has been having turmoil, and to make things worse Creeping Death is going one on one with Torture next week!
Shannan Lerch: Torture's first match back is against his own teammate!? How crazy!
Zach Davis: Look, now the rest of the team is getting annoyed with each other!
Torture and Creeping Death stand face to face not moving. The rest of the team surrounds them trying to point fingers on who to blame for Helloween, and Price is taking flack for not defeating Brad Kane just minutes ago. Torture and Creeping Death are STILL looking right at each other only inches apart. The WCF logo appears on the screen as This_Is_War is at .. war.. with themselves..
Zach Davis: We'll see you next week!
Shannan Lerch: Goodnight fans!