The cameras pan out to the parking lot outside, a gaint hotdog limo car pulls up to the front entrance. The driver gets out, rolls out a red carpet, and opens the back door of the hotdog limo!
Zach Davis: Who could it be?
Freddy Whoa: Really? A hotdog limo. Come on, Zach.
Zach Davis: I was trying to build some anticipation.
Logan and Marc Mayhem step out, both wearing crowns on their heads made of hotdog buns. They march over the red carpet.
Zach Davis: THE HOTDOG KINGS ARE HERE! THE HOTDOG KINGS ARE HERE! MUSTARD 3:16! MUSTARD 3:16! OH MUH GAWD! SLAM JUST GOT HOT!
Freddy Whoa: ...
The fans are excited for the show to start and the buzz is growing till the lights go out and The burden of being wonderful by Steel Panther blasts out of the speakers and a spotlight shines on the stage showing Marco dancing his way out onto the stage as pyros go off around him... Smiling he walks down the ramp wearing white skin tight leather trousers and a The wonderful one Marco t shirt strutting and clapping hands with the fans till he reaches the ring which has leather armchairs, a table with a bottle of brandy and brandy glasses and women in sexy nurse outfits next too big lava lamps in the corners... Laughing and looking around the set a moment Marco raises the microphone to his lips and the lights go to normal...
Marco Valintine: Well hello everyone for all of you that don't know I am The sultan of sexual, The human temple of perfection, The emperor of epicness, The Senator of Sexiness, The Incarnation of Incredible, The ambassador of awesome, The titan of titillation, the embodiment of exceptional, the host with the most and The Quintessential Ladies Man... Marco...
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath tilting his head back and lowering the mic a little as the fans chant his name before bringing his head back forward...
Marco Valintine: The man whose wit is more tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy, The man whose phone number is on your girlfriend's speed-dial, because she loves the way I sixty-nine her... And as you all know I'm always happy to be stuck at 69, because i am hotter than Tabasco sauce, but loads easier to swallow as you girls know from when i made her go to and throw I'm hung and I'm skilled with my tongue.... Valintine...
Holding his arms out he soaks in the cheers from the guys and the screams from the women with a big smile on his face...
Marco Valintine: WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE LOVE PAD! And you know what guys doesn't this look amazing? I am loving the huge lava lamps and everything else...
He stares at the nurses a moment shaking his head like he lost focus...
Marco Valintine: I'm back, and i have to say thank you to my guest tonight because these fine examples of womanhood have been provided by my guest tonight ladies and gentlemen... THE ONE... THE ONLY...
"I CAN'T STOP-OP-OP-OP-OP-OP..."
Marco Valintine: YOUR HARDCORE CHAMPION STEVE ORBIT!!!
The lights dim as "Who Gon Stop Me" by Kanye West & Jay-Z plays over the PA. A pink strobe light flashes rapidly throughout the arena-- pink lasers swirl around the entranceway and eventually converge into a big pink spotlight, as "The Mack" Steve Orbit steps out from behind the curtain. He's in full pimp attire-- no ring gear. Lots of gold and diamonds. He struts towards the ring, ignoring the fans as they boo.
He climbs the ring steps and enters through the ropes. The crowd continues to boo, but after a moment they die down.
Marco Valintine: Steve Orbit my man its a pleasure to have you here on the love pad, please take a seat and pour yourself a drink if you want and of course...
Marco takes out of his pocket a couple of cuban cigars handing one of them to Orbit With a laugh shaking hands they both take a seat and pour out some brandy taking a sip before lighting the cigars the smoke highlighted in the spotlights covering the ring...
Marco Valintine: You're more than welcome dude, now I gotta start off with the events that have been going on with you dude, there has been some messed up stuff going on with you and Fly dude, first of all i got to congratulate you on kicking that guys ass at one man that was an amazing match...
As Marco says this the women walk up behind them and start to massage their shoulders...
Steve Orbit: Yeah, it was-- look, it was a fight I needed to win. I had to beat Fly at One. I ain't no fool, Marco. I'm tryin' to make myself the biggest star in the history of this sport and I had this one thing, this one blemish on my record-- I was 0-3 at One, and people were sayin' I couldn't handle the pressure of such a big stage or whatever else. I knew that was bullshit, but I had to prove it to the rest of y'all, so I did. I went in and beat Fly for a third and final time.
Marco Valintine: And i am sure a lot of people here where happy to see you win that match...
Marco holds up his microphone as the fans started to boo.
Marco Valintine: Now talking about Fly dude we gotta talk about that whacked out chick you got hounding ya claiming to by your Mom dude and on top of that trying to say that Fly of all people is your bro... Dude i got to say in my opinion that is hella fucked up but I wanna get your opinion on the whole thing...
Orbit sips his liquor and takes a puff off the Cuban.
Steve Orbit: Yeah, I can't argue with you on that one. The bitch is callin' my crib, leavin' notes on my car, at my house, following me around-- I think she's a stalker. I'm tryin' to do some research on who she is, her background, but every search comes up blank. It's like she literally came from outta nowhere. But I ain't no sucker, homie-- I know who my momma is. Or was. And I also know I ain't got no brother, especially no white boy named Jonny Fly who is maybe my biggest enemy in LIFE. Yeah, it's a little bit hard to believe. It's out there. Hopefully she'll find some other celebrity to latch on to, if that's what she's doin'. I'm too busy for this shit.
Marco Valintine: So you have heard nothing from Fly since these stories of you two possibly being related has come to light?
Steve Orbit: Nah, Fly is gone. Probably in NYC eatin' hot fries at his mansion. Probably still icin' his head from that Orbital DDT I gave him off the top of the cage. But I don't know what Fly thinks about all this, and I don't care. It don't matter because it ain't true.
Marco Valintine: Yeah man i feel ya I wouldn't want the guy as a bro either to be honest, already got one don't need another... Now dude talking about bros whats your opinion on the sudden rise of the man who is our current world champ Ice Beckman, this has got to have stolen some of your deserved thunder dude... By the way i voted for you for superstar of the year I wanna point that one out...
Orbit breaks eye contact for the first time in the interview. He sips his liquor, looking out towards the crowd. Carefully considering his answer.
Steve Orbit: ICE is a different animal. He's operating on a different level than anybody else in this company, I mean... look at what happened at One. Bobby Cairo-- a Hall of Famer-- was hotter than he's ever been in his entire career. He comes back, wins War, beats EVERYBODY going into One. Then he gets in the ring with ICE and gets SONNED. Gets turned right the hell down. I mean... look, I'm not sure if he's stealing my thunder. I'm a Vapor King. We all share in the fruits of our labor. It ain't no Pantheon where one man works and the rest take the day off. We operate as a unit so if ICE is winning, we all winning. There ain't no leader but the Father-- that's by design. He plays the wall, pulls the strings. Stays out of the ring and out of the spotlight. Yeah, he talks and he makes his voice heard but that's where it stops. It's a great... uh, ecosystem or whatever you wanna call it, what we have in the Vapor Kings. A great hierarchy. It works.
Marco Valintine: So what is the whole situation with the kings man, ill be honest I'm not the brightest but I'm hella confused about some stuff... Why do you call that Buddy dude your Father? Is there a joke I'm just not getting dude?
Steve Orbit: Nah, it ain't a joke. It ain't a joke. And I get asked about this all the time-- I get it. But it's like, some of these people our here, they ain't got no problem going to church and callin' they pastor Father. Or they priest or whoever. It's about showing respect and it's about keeping shit in line. Buddy sits at the head of the table, you know what I'm sayin'? He's the Father, we are the Sons. It really ain't that difficult or complicated to understand. It's very simple.
Marco Valintine: Now for something a bit more serious, recently you guys in the kings lost the tag titles man that had to suck... Now i got to ask has this affected you guys as a unit overall or would ya say it got ya stronger dude..
Steve Orbit: You know... it's a setback. We went from holding five belts a month ago, to now we holding two belts. But the Vapor Kings strangehold on this company has not been affected. It has not been loosened. We still the ones winning the matches and if we want the Tag Titles back, we'll take 'em back. Kaz Mazy got a lucky pin on me, something that... I mean, the fuck can I say? Shit happens. There ain't nobody in this business who ain't been rolled up and pinned outta nowhere, it's just a reality of the business. But I hear Kaz goin' off on Twitter about how he pinned Steve Orbit, I'd love to see him try to do it again. Make it a one-on-one, let's see him do it again.
Marco Valintine: Sounds like you're issuing a challenge.
Steve Orbit: It is what it is. If the boy wanna run around talkin' about he beat Steve Orbit, let's do it the right way and see if he can do it for real.
Marco Valintine: Now dude I have to say that gold suits you good man very much, you enjoying being the hardcore champ? How does it compare to being the world champ?
Steve Orbit: Oh man, I love this Hardcore shit. I never thought I would. I was never that type, I was raised with the old-school style of wrestling, and this Hardcore stuff is really different from that. But at the end of the day, what I realized from holding this belt is that I was made for the Hardcore division. I was built for it. My whole life been Hardcore, it's only right I become the champion. As far as the World title, that's nice too. That's a lot more responsibility. The Hardcore title is more of, like... it's not really as marketed. There ain't as much restriction. I can fight who I want. With the World title, you fight who Seth tells you to fight. The matches are more arranged, they're more promoted, obviously they are Pay Per View main events. So it's a lot different. There's more freedom with the Hardcore title.
Marco Valintine: Now i remember one match you had against Seifer Black, he is known for extreme matches... Do you think facing someone like him had gotten you ready for the punishment you would have to take as hardcore champ?
Steve Orbit: No doubt. When I fought Seifer in Mexico I learned a lot about what it takes to survive in a Hardcore situation. It was like, I had to adapt. He was at home with all the weapons and whatnot, I had to adjust my strategy because I can't be tryin' to suplex somebody or put them in a hold and they tryin' to shank me with somethin' or beat me over the head with a brick. It's a different strategy you have to bring to the table and you have to be ready to anything. It's very instinctive, you have to rely on your instincts more.
Marco Valintine: Nice, hopefully things will work out dude... Now man lets talk about the cloud called the future you got a big match coming up at Payback against Dan van Slade and Maelstrom how are ya feeling about that match my man?
Steve Orbit: That match is a wrap. Over before it starts. I'ma tune up those little bastards and show 'em what time it is, show 'em that the Vapor Kings ain't lost a step.
Marco Valintine: Allright dude you know what I'm gonna be rooting for ya in that one, its going to be a hella brutal and hella awesome match though I have no doubt about that man... Now is there anything you wanna say before we finish the first ever episode of the love pad?
Steve Orbit: Nah... I mean, they know what it is. Steve Orbit is here, ain't goin' nowhere-- the Vapor Kings, still runnin' shit, still doin' what we want. Takin' whatever we want. WCF belongs to us... and if you wanna see an example, check out Payback when I take two promising newcomers and turn 'em into Hardcore victims.
Marco Valintine: Sweet man, have to say I for one cant wait for you to kick some more ass very soon and I could not have had a better man for the first ever love pad thank you very much dude... STEVE ORBIT EVERYONE!!!
"Who Gon Stop Me" by Kanye West & Jay-Z hits the PA once again. Orbit stands... and calls for the music to cut.
Steve Orbit: Play the old one... yeah, play the other one. It's a party!
"Flash Light" by Parliament hits the PA as multi-colored lights swirl all around the arena. Orbit and Marco get up and begin dancing with the ladies, drinking and smoking.
Gravedigger: That's Orbit's old entrance music! The one he used for his first year here.
Zach Davis: Looks like he and Marco are cut from the same cloth.
Gravedigger: Hey, sit down, Freddy! Can't even dance.
Final shot of the party in the ring and we cut to commercial.
The scene opens on the ring where the opening bout is about to take place...but none of the conpetitors seem to be in the house. Sheisty stuff. Shiesty stuff, indeed.
The camera feed cuts backstage to an unmarked door where smoke appears to be pouring out from underneath it. No, it more than appears to be...that shit is actually happening right before your very eyes.
Zach Davis: What's going on? Is there a fire? Somebody call the fire department!
Freddy Whoa: Wait...the doors opening...wait...is that? That's The Poondock Saints!!! It's Kaz and Bobby!
Fat crowd POP! Like what up that shit was dope word POP!
Kaz exhales a fat plume of smoke, followed by Bobby. Like damn! Dem smoke clouds be fillin up the hallway!
Bobby Cairo: You think those jobbuhs are dead Kaz?
Kaz Mazy: I told em not to hit that shit too hard...This shit ain't normal...it's the chocokryptochroniccheeseybread Poondock KushMonstuh!
Bobby and Kaz both shake their heads and damn the jobbuhs to Hell as they walk away from the room. The camera peeks inside the room where Wolverina, Warpath, Caleb Collins, and Sin Rostro lay passed the fug out. After a few seconds, the cameraman passes out as well and the camera feed cuts back to the arena.
Zach Davis: Well...that was...that was definitely weird.
Gravedigger: I think I gotta agree with you there Zac.
Freddy Whoa: Where can I get some of that melting into the floor shit?
Zach Davis: Well...let's go the next match!!!
The scene opens on Bobby Cairo and Kaz Mazy sitting on a Cairomel colered sofa. The Tag Team Championships are slung over their shoulders and heighten their already maxed out sex appeal. How doe? How can that happen?
Kaz Mazy: We've been hearing a lot of shit lately. A lot of shit spewimg from the mouths of jobbers and lower midcarders alike. Bobby and I have some shit to wrap up tonight, but we wanted to address a little somethin' somethin' right quick. Quicker than I'll beat the jobbuh ass Poo Pants, or the Fenuck, or Ultimately Destroyer the Ultimate Destroyer...
Bobby takes the reigns.
Bobby Cairo: This goes out to that fuckin' team of dirt bags Johhny Rub-One-Ouy and Oblivious...you want to attack the Poondocks from behind on some show of dominance? All you did was graze our Thick, and open our eyes to another set of cuckolded fags who are jealous of the fact that some nigs can actually succeed in the WCF. You midcard bums couldn't asser your dominance on a pair of domineered sissies that paid you for tha' job.
Kaz flips that ponytail back and some bitches swoon in the hallway. Bras and panties fly on camera and The Poondocks smile.
Kaz Mazy: All you two queers did was sign your fucking soul poon over to us. You showed us that you were too afraid to face us head on and attacked us with chairs like this is Nineteen Ninety Seven or something. You tried to show us some attitude, triedbto show the world that there's still some gas left in that busted ass Volkswagon, but all you did was admit to being the bitches that everyone percieves the two of as.
Bobby Cairo busts a nut into J-Reb and Obi's eye poons and continues on.
Bobby Cairo: Watch what I do to SteelToe BlowJob Joe and what Kaz does to the Jobbers Three...and then decide if this is a match that you really want you ChronoFags. Seriously, think about it. Then makebthe right decision and move on, and then The Poondock Saints will wish you luck in all your future endeavors.
The scene fades out.
Kyle Steel: The following contest is a Triple Threat Match!
The lights in the arena go dark as Relax by Peaches begins to play throughout the arena. A metal chair with snakes sculpted around it begins to lift from the underneath of the stage surrounded by fire as Sin sits in it stretched out with her feet dangling off the arm of one side. The crowd pops giving a mixed reaction as she stands to her feet and passes through the fire and down the stage ramp. Fans stretch their arms in attempt for interaction, but she keeps walking paying them no attention. As she gets to the ring she jumps on the edge of the apron and stands on the bottom rope bouncing up and down on it as pyrotechnics shoot out from the four posts of the ring. She slams down hard into a splits position and slides her body under the bottom rope and into the ring positioning herself on her hands and knees seductively crawling to the center of the ring.
Kyle Steel: Introducing first, from St Louis Missouri, Weighing in at 125 pounds… SIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!
Zach Davis: The most sadistic girl in WCF!
Freddy Whoa: I’m curious to watch Sister Sin in action.
Gravedigger: Sister Sin? Don’t you mean Sexy Sin? My favourite for this match!
Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous by Good Charlotte starts playing and Justin Courage walks to the ring.
Kyle Steel: From Auckland, New Zealand, weighing in at 195 pounds… JUSTIIIIN COOOUUUURAAAGE!!!!!!
Zach Davis: Another new wrestler, let’s see what he brings to WCF.
Freddy Whoa: This will be an interesting match!
Gravedigger: This guy won’t bring nothing to WCF. Pff, such a loser. His name should be Justin Coward. GO SIN!
The lights go out, as the bells to "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC begins to sound. At the sound of the guitar, Jebediah Crowe leads the path with a lantern in his right hand, as Death is close behind him. The crowd gives a nice pop to "The Grim Reaper" and his manager as they slowly make their way to the ring. Death walks up the steel steps, looking at the crowd, before he enters between the top and second rope. The lantern of Crowe slowly dies out, as the lights come back on in the building. Death takes his cloak and shoulder pads off, preparing himself for the match to begin.
Kyle Steel: And from New Orleans, LA weighing in at 310 pounds, followed by Jebediah Crowe… DEEEAAAAAAATH!!!!!!
Zach Davis: I’m terrified.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!!! Death has come to bring destruction and chaos into the WCF!
Gravedigger: Courage will have no chance against Death and Sin.
The referee calls for the bell. Sin and Courage stare at Death a little bit scared. They start punching and kicking the reaper. Death tries to hold them and pushes Sin away. She falls on the ground.
Zach Davis: Look! Justin Courage tries to apply “Rock Bottom” on Death!
Death reverses it and lifts “The Perfectionist” showing his strength.
Freddy Whoa: Watch the power of Death!
Gravedigger: OH!!! Nice Military Press Slam!
Justin Courage stays down in pain. Death looks at him satisfied and turns around. Sin is already up. He goes for the Big Boot but she dodges it, kicks Death in the belly and applies a Swinging Neckbreaker! Cover by Sister Sin!
Zach Davis: Death kicks out!
Freddy Whoa: Nice counter by Sin.
Gravedigger: She is perfect on the ring, I love her! NO! WATCH OUT SIN!
Courage appears from behind and applies a Trip Touch! Cover by Justin!
Sin manages to lift her shoulder up! Justin gets her up by her hair, put his arm on her neck and tries to hit the Rock Bottom. Sin tries to escape but she can’t. BUT DEATH APPEARS AND BIG BOOTS JUSTIN! He falls on the ground and gets up with the ropes’s help. But look! Death applies a Discus Lariat sending Justin to outside the ring!
Gravedigger: It is the second attempt of Justin Coward to apply the Rock Bottom. And he just can’t do it! AHAH
Death grabs Sin and punches her hard. But look! She fights back! Sin is fighting The Reaper! She kicks him in the stomach and tries the DDT! Death punches her and reverses it! He is getting her up! OH MY GOD! FALLAWAY SLAM! Sin hits the ground really hard!
Zach Davis: Now Death is going for the top of the turnbuckle!!!
Freddy Whoa: What the hell is doing up there?
Death waits for Sin to get up, but Justin Courage interferes and starts punching Death. He fights back but Justin is able to push Death away as he falls to the ground, outside the ring. Justin gets back to the ring, goes on the top rope, waits for Sin… Tyler Effect!!! He goes for the cover…
Zach Davis: NO! Sin kicks out somehow!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER!!!
Gravedigger: Come on Sin, get up sweet girl… COME ON!
Justin gets Sin up and goes near her left side. He places his right foot acros her legs, he hooks his right arm behind Sin… He is going for the Just-Encourage! OH! Sin reverses it! DDT successfully apllied! Now she is grabbing Justin and puts his back on her knee…
Gravedigger: SEVEN DEADLY SINS!!!!!!! YES BABY THAT’S IT!!!!
Zach Davis: She is going for the cover!
Freddy Whoa: DEATH INTERRUPTS THE COUNTING! Another near fall on this great match!
Death grabs Sin and puts her arm over his shoulder, lifts her up and sends her head to the ground performing a R.I.P.! Now he is trying to apply a Tossing Crucifix Powerbomb… OH GOD! EXECUTION!!!!!! He goes for the cover!!!!
Kyle Steel: The winner of this match... DEEEAAATH!!!!
Zach Davis: Death wins!!!
Freddy Whoa: What a match!!! These three wrestlers were great!
Gravedigger: Sin was unlucky...
Zach Davis: Got news that the Hotdog Kings are backstage with Hank Brown.
The jumbotron in the arena displays footage of Hank Brown standing next to Logan and Marc Mayhem in a hallway. They appear to be in the middle of some sort of dilemma.
Logan: That microphone isn't suited for a king.
Marc: We aren't speaking one word until you get the proper instrument to catch the Kings voices.
Hank Brown: You guys seriously are going to make me use this?
The Hotdog Kings nod, staring at Hank, whom sighs. Hank Brown turns to the camera, raising a hotdog to his mouth in place of a traditional microphone.
Hank Brown: Hello, this is Hank Brown, live with the Hotdog Kings, Logan, and Marc Mayhem. Now guys, what brought you two together to form this team?
Hank moves the hotdog over to Logan's face. Logan speaks into the hotdog.
Logan: After losing to Corey Black at Helloween, started living in the woods. The goal was to be like John Rambo, living off fishing line and a knife, and pissing off the local authorities, but no cop was crazy enough to call in the national guard and track me down, or to call Seth Lerch and have him tell the police how many body bags they would need. Later on to get the attention of the police, I banged the chiefs wife, and talked her into getting my name and number tattooed on her belly, with a little arrow pointing to her crotch that said, Logan was here. Still. Nothing. They wouldn't chase me into the woods, they feared my inner Rambo.
Hank Brown: Okay... interesting. Didn't really answer my question. What about you, Marc Mayhem?
Brown moves the hotdog near Marc's face.
Marc: I seen this as an opportunity to eat more hotdogs.
Hank Brown: That's it?
Mayhem snatches the hotdog from Hank, and speaks into it.
Marc: But here's a little message for the Jokes of Choas, Toad and Chaz.
Mayhem turns to Logan, who has an awaiting hotdog bun opened up, Mayhem slaps the hotdog into the bun, and they both turn to the camera.
Logan and Marc: C-C-HOKE ON THAT, B-B-BITCH -
Marc: Wait, wait. That's the wrong qoute. Who would say that?
Logan: A stuttering boudle who likes massaging Johnny Reb's buns.
Marc: Let's try this again.
They both hold the hotdog up, sharing a voice into it.
Marc: Sitting by the dock of the bay...
Logan: Watching the boudles rolling in.
Brown shakes his head in the background.
Marc: I left a pack of Oscars in Georgia.
Logan: Hard times.
Logan: And now the Cartels are heading to the Connector City bay.
Marc: Because they ain't got nothing to live for. Matter of fact they're a waste if flesh.
Logan: And I told everyone that Sarah Twilight wasn't really a chick.
Marc: And now they're sitting in disbelief, watching the bulge grow in her pants.
Logan: Boudles should've listened to me, now they're heading to the gullible bay.
Marc: Because we're just sitting by the dock of the bay...
Logan: Eating hoootdogs.
The Hotdog Kings compose themselves, coming to a stop with the song. They exit the camera and the jumbotron goes to black.
Gravedigger: Brilliant. What can these guys not do?!
Freddy Whoa: Sing.
Gravedigger: That was gold! Hush up, cookie.
Freddy Whoa: COOKIE?!
Slam comes back from commercial as "Explosia" by Gojira hits the speakers. The crowd lets out a mixed reaction as Jayson Price walks out from the back wearing a referee's shirt over his usual in-ring gear, the Internet Title wrapped around his waist. He's also oddly wearing a wireless headset. Price heads down the ramp, stopping to grab a beer from a fan.
Freddy Whoa: Well with the arrival of Jayson Price that can only mean one thing.
Gravedigger: They stopped serving alcohol in the food court?
Zach Davis: Heh, burn.
Gravedigger: Shut up Davis.
Freddy Whoa: Anyway, that means that it's time to see who's going to be the new #1 Contender for Price's Internet Title.
Gravedigger: Who cares, it's a worthless piece of crap anyway.
Zach Davis: Well it's still a title, so-
Gravedigger: I was referring to Price.
Zach Davis: Oh, well then.
Gravedigger: But the title sucks too.
Freddy Whoa: Hey, I wonder why Price is wearing that headset?
Jayson Price: Because how else am I going to be a commentator on top of being a referee?
Freddy Whoa: Makes sense. Wait, you've been listening to us this whole time?
Price stops by the announce table, a grin on his face as he looks at Gravedigger.
Jayson Price: Sure have. By the way, Digger, love you too.
Gravedigger: Burn in hell, loser.
Jayson Price: Only if you promise to greet me with a muffin basket. Oh, by the way...
Price reaches out and yanks loose the cords running into the headsets for Freddy Whoa and Zach Davis.
Jayson Price: There's no way in hell we're having four announcers for this match. It's overkill and if people wanted to hear four over opinionated assholes talk over each other, they'd watch The View.
Gravedigger: Touch me and I'll kill you.
Jayson Price: Wouldn't dream of it Diggums, after all it's been forever since we last chatted.
Price turns away from the table and rolls into the ring under the bottom rope as both Zach and Freddy lean back in their chairs to watch the match. Kyle Steel starts to enter the ring to do the introductions but Price stops him and sends him away.
Jayson Price: Hell no, I'm already collecting 2 paychecks tonight, I'ma go for 3. Send out the first loser!
The lights fade and “Heat Miser” begins in the darkness. Smoke pours out just beyond the entrance as two beams of golden light move slowly around the arena. Dune appears as the last burst of smoke issues, walking upright and determined. His cold eyes scan the audience, raising an upturned hand if there are cheers and scowling if there are boos.
Jayson Price: Crap, I should have stolen those notes from Kyle before I sent him off. Uh, first up is...Dune? Yeah, I think that's his name. Big guy, probably close to three bills. Not really sure where he's from. Digger you got anything?
Gravedigger: I should have killed you instead of your baby.
Jayson Price: Gravedigger ladies and gentlemen!
He slides into the ring and is quick to his feet in the center, where he raises his head to the rafters as each corner post issues a final hiss of smoke before the lights come on again.
"Neuroma" by Fuse hits the speakers. Jackson White walks slowly to the ring with the hoodie looking down then he enters the ring and stretch both of his arms looking up (like he was looking at his father) and some pyrotechnics similar to Kane start.
Jayson Price: Now this guy...he's something. Yeah, uh-
Gravedigger: Could you be any worse at this?
Jayson Price: Probably.
Gravedigger: Jackson White, goes by the name The Fenix.
Jayson Price: You mean like Jean Grey?
Jayson Price: All right, so apparently we have an X-Men fan! The Phoenix everybody!
Gravedigger: That's not his name! You're terrible at-
Jayson Price: Hey, I'm the announcer here! If I say he's an X-Men fan, he's a god damn X-Men fan.
Gravedigger: I hate this place.
Heavy guitar distortion cuts through the arena as all the lights shut off, minus a gaggle of blue and green on the stage. They all aim at the tron which is showing an unorthodox entrance video. It shows WCF Superstar Kaz Mazy performing daring feats all in Super Nintendo fighting game graphics ala Mortal Kombat.
"2nd Sucks" by A Day To Remember starts blaring as lights explode throughout the arena and the words growl sending a shiver up every collective spine in attendance. The battle cry makes men sprout thick and poons wet. Every child in attendance grows hair on their chest and they reach for the nearest bong and start tokin' up!
Spotlights center on one of the entrances in the crowd where Kaz stands, kendo holstered to his back, Tag Team Championship around his waist, and Bolts Quackenbush waving that Old Glory PG Flag with the Ham' n' Sick' and the Fitty Stars and Thickteen Bars.
Jayson Price: All right, finally somebody I recognize. Kaz Mazy, I remember when this guy came after my Internet Title a few months back. Scrappy little fuck, but-
Gravedigger: Damn it Price! You can't say the F word if you're commentating, this is live television.
Jayson Price: Well why the fuck not?
Gravedigger: Worst. Announcer. Ever.
Jayson Price: Quiet down Comic Book Guy. Anyway, this Kaz fellow sure seems to have taken some lessons from Bobby C about how to spit game. Still don't like him though.
As if on cue, Bolts motorboats the baddest set of titties in attendance on that instant transmission shit as Kaz starts making his way down the steps, throwing his hands in the air with each cry of his name.
Crowd: KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ!
Kaz leaps the barricade and slides into the ring. He taunts to the crowd from the second rope and they explode in Kaz cheers once again.
Crowd: KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ!
Kaz unstraps his Tag Team Championship and his kendo and hands his effects to Bolts who guards them with his life. Kaz leans against the turnbuckle as his music fades and awaits the start of the match.
Jayson Price: All right, well that's everyone right?
Price looks around the ring and counts the competitors.
Jayson Price: Hold up, we're missing somebody. Where's the other guy?
As if on cue, the jumbotron fires up and we see the door to The Ultimate Destroyer's locker room hanging open. A quick look inside shows that all of his gear is gone and he's nowhere in sight.
Jayson Price: Welp, I guess someone decided not to show up. Let's get this thing going!
Price signals for the bell.
[DING! DING! DING!]
All three men come out of their corners and take a look at each other as the crowd readies themselves for the coming fight. Fenix and Dune nod to each other and then they both go after Kaz.
Gravedigger: Well we should have expected this. Kaz has been quite vocal on his Twitter account about this match and he's certainly made no friends.
Jayson Price: But plenty of followers!
Gravedigger: Pay attention to the match ref!
We can see Price flip Digger the finger as he watches Dune pull Kaz's arms behind his back so that Fenix can lay into his chest with a chop. Fenix with a second chop and then a third before he gives Dune the thumbs up. Dune lifts Kaz straight up in a double chickenwing, holds him for a few seconds and then let's him drop face first to the mat. Fenix quick to roll him onto his back for the pin attempt. Price, however, seems more interested in a blonde woman with a rather large chest carrying a tray of beers.
Gravedigger: PIN YOU IDIOT!
Jayson Price: What? I'm not even in the match you dumbass.
Gravedigger: You're the referee! Look behind you!
Price turns around and starts to drop to make the count but Mazy pops his shoulder up. Fenix scrambles to his feet, furious about the lack of professionalism on display. Price with a shoulder shrug and Fenix cocks back his fist. From out of nowhere Dune grabs his fist and spins him around. Dune not at all happy about Fenix going for the pin on Mazy before he could. Fenix with the hands to the chest and he shoves Dune backward. Dune with a laugh and he does the same, knocking Fenix backward and onto his backside. Fenix hits the mat and bounces right back up to his feet. Dune goes after him looking for a clothesline but Fenix ducks it. But then he ends up running right into a forearm to the face from Mazy.
Gravedigger: What a shot!
Jayson Price: What a generic comment!
Dune turns himself around and catches a dropkick to the chest. Dune stumbles back a few steps but keeps on his feet. Mazy grabs hold of Fenix and pulls him to his feet. Dune charges and Mazy uses Fenix like a battering ram, sending him headfirst into the gut of Dune. Again Dune sent backward and again he stays up. Mazy runs right at him, using a bent over Fenix like a stool to launch himself into the air. Mazy trying for a Tornado DDT but Dune catches him and ends up throwing him into the corner.
Gravedigger: Fantastic counter there!
Jayson Price: I prefer mine to be granite personally.
Dune starts to go after Mazy when Fenix spins him around. Fenix with a right hand. Dune shakes it off and throws a right of his own. Dune now grabbing the arm and he whips Fenix toward the corner. Mazy sees him coming at him and ducks out onto the apron. Fenix crashes into the corner and Mazy grabs him by the head before hitting him with an elbow. Mazy now dropping off the apron as Dune approaches Fenix and lifts him up onto the top rope. Dune now climbing up to the second rope and he grabs hold of Fenix.
Gravedigger: What's Dune thinking here?
Jayson Price: Why he didn't choose a better name?
Dune with Fenix on the top rope and he launches them both backward with a back body drop. Mazy quick as a bolt of lightning to hop back up onto the apron and then the top rope as Dune starts to get back to his feet. He's up and turns around and Mazy leaps off the top rope looking for a crossbody. He hits it and takes Dune to the mat but Dune with some freak strength as he's able to roll back and get to his feet with Mazy in his arms.
Gravedigger: What a reversal?
Jayson Price: I swear to God, if I hear you say 'What a maneuver!', I'm going to hit you with something.
Dune, with Mazy in his arms, starts to go for a fall away slam when Mazy lays into the side of his head with an elbow. A second elbow and Mazy gets dropped to his feet. Mazy now leaping into the air, looking for a tornado DDT again. Dune with the reversal, shooting Mazy's legs right back up into the air. Fenix tries to get involved and ends up with Mazy's legs wrapped around his neck. Dune now getting Kaz's arm off him and he tosses Mazy's upper body up into the air. Mazy whips his legs and sends Fenix headfirst into the nether regions of Dune with a headscissors.
Gravedigger: What a maneuver!
The cameraman catches Price ripping off his headset and launching it through the air toward the announce table. Gravedigger easily dodges it as it hits a random fan behind him.
Gravedigger: Didn't really think that one through did he?
Back in the ring, Dune is on the mat holding his groin in obvious pain as Kaz crawls over to the ropes to catch his breath. Fenix is sitting up but he too seems a bit cautious to get right back at it. Meanwhile, Price has left the ring and is grabbing another headset as the audience's attention is drawn to the stage.
Gravedigger: What the hell? The Ultimate Destroyer is here.
Ultimate Destroyer is indeed in the building and he's heading down the ramp toward the ring. He slides in and gets to his feet, ready to join in the action when Price steps in front of him. Price now chastising Destroyer for trying to get in on the action late, well after everyone else had already started.
Gravedigger: Quit trying to insert yourself into the match already!
Jayson Price: Hey, don't tell me where to insert myself.
Gravedigger: Is everything just one big dick joke with you?
Jayson Price: No, occassionally I like to make a vagina joke too.
Ultimate Destroyer trying to get past Price to get into the match when Price pulls out a microphone and smacks him in the head with it. Destroyer drops to the mat and Price quickly tosses the microphone out of the ring.
Gravedigger: What the hell are you doing?
Jayson Price: What? He wanted in the match and it wouldn't have been exactly fair to let a fresh guy just jump right on in without being a little roughed up.
Gravedigger: Just how drunk was Seth when he decided this was going to be a good idea?
Destroyer is down on the mat, clutching his forehead. Dune is pulling himself to his feet gingerly, still in a bit of discomfort. Mazy has rolled out of the ring and is talking with Bolts Quackenbush about strategy. And Fenix is sitting in a corner, staring down everybody.
Jayson Price: Well this is boring. Let's spice it up.
Out of nowhere Price starts up a ten count, but instead of it being at one, he starts it at five. Everyone looks at him to see who he's counting but Price says nothing as he continues to count. Mazy slides back into the ring and everyone else gets to their feet. Dune goes after Destroyer, Mazy after Fenix. Destroyer tries for a clothesline but Dune ducks it. Dune off the ropes and he hits Destroyer square in the jaw with a boot. Dune with a pin attempt.
NO! Kickout by Destroyer at two. Meanwhile Kaz and Fenix are tied-up and fighting for the advantage all over the ring. Fenix eventually backs Kaz into a corner and delivers a knee to the gut. Fenix with repeated knees to the gut until Kaz is doubled over. Fenix now lifting Kaz up and he drops him into a tree of woe. Fenix backs up and then runs right at Kaz, nailing him in the face with a dropkick. Fenix back up to his feet but it's Dune spinning him around. Dune with a quick kick to the gut before pulling Fenix in and hitting him with the Hourglass. Dune with the pin attempt.
NO! Kickout by Fenix! But Dune hooks the leg and tries again.
NO! Again a kickout by Fenix. Dune clearly agitated as he gets to his feet, pulling Fenix up with him. Dune pulls Fenix into position for a powerbomb and he calls for Sandstorm. He never sees Mazy on the top rope and Kaz leaps off with a crossbody. Dune falls backward with Kaz on top, pulling Fenix down with his legs and spiking his head into the mat. It's a bad looking collision for all but it's Kaz still with the half hearted pin attempt.
NO! Kickout by Dune!
Gravedigger: Holy crap what action!
Jayson Price: Yeah that was pretty sweet to watch.
Once again all four men are down on the mat and Price doesn't seem to keen on the idea of a ten count deciding this. Nevertheless, he starts one but rather slowly.
Gravedigger: Where is Destroyer going?
The Ultimate Destroyer rolls out of the ring, angrily. He wants to destroy. He grabs a chair from ringside.
Jayson Price: What're you doing, Destroyer-san?
Destroyer rolls in the ring and hits Kaz with the chair! Then Dune! Then Fenix!
Jayson Price: What the!?
Price calls for the bell.
Jayson Price: Fuck it. I'm hardcore. I'll take ALL of them on! Besides Destroyer, because fuck that guy. Excuse me.
Destroyer blasts Kaz again, then Dune again, then White again. The crowd boos. Destroyer turns to Price.
Gravedigger: PRICE CHECK!
Zach Davis: Can we talk now?
Destroyer rolls out of the ring as Kaz Mazy, Vapor King, stumbles up. Price holds up Mazy's arm and then from out of nowhere hits him with a Downfall.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
His music cuts as Price gets back up to his feet to a chorus of boos. Smirking, Price walks over to the ropes and demands he be brought his Internet Title and a microphone. Price pulls off his headset and tosses it aside as he walks back to the center of the ring and stands over Mazy, Dune, and White.
Jayson Price: For the last 176 days I have held this Internet Title and defended it against everyone that was put in front of me. I turned down no challengers, hell, I spent weeks openly campaigning for better challengers to step up and try and take this belt from me. But no one did. Not one person wanted to step up and try and dethrone me as King Internet. The only real champion in this damn company, the only champion not content with simply being forced to defend against an endless parade of unworthy challengers, and I couldn't find one person who wanted to take this belt away from me bad enough. So since no one out there wants the challenge, since the only way I can get a challenger is through a fatal four-way between four guys who have no business being in the same ring with me, then I officially declare my reign as Internet Champion over.
Confusion from the crowd as they watch Price pull the belt off of his shoulder and drop it with a thud onto the mat.
Jayson Price: No one wants to come forward and try to end my reign after I spend weeks looking for someone? I have to referee a god damn #1 Contender's Match for my own belt and see the lack of talent in all of them with my own eyes? Fuck that. I've said for months that I was more than willing to end my title reign on my own terms because I'd already established myself as the greatest Internet Champion in the history of WCF. And now that's what you're all witnessing. The reign of King Internet ended by his own hand, the only hand truly capable of ending it. And with the end of my reign as Internet Champion we enter a time where there is not one champion in WCF with a set of balls.
Boos from the crowd! Dune, Mazy and Jackson all roll out of the ring, holding their bodies from the chair shots.
Jayson Price: I was the sole champion in WCF that did not run from a challenge. I welcomed challenge, I craved challenge. I was not like ICE Beckman or Steve Orbit or Zombie McMorris. If someone had come calling for a shot at my belt, I'd have given it to him or her. But the rest of them? No, they don't like being challenged. They've got roladexes full of excuses for not wanting a challenge and not one of them a good one. And that's just the age we live in apparently, one full of coward champions hiding behind mouthpieces, owners and glass ceilings. I was the last of a dying breed, the only person holding gold that wasn't a spineless, nutless, coward of a-
"Pursuit Of Honor" by Battlecross hits to a huge pop from the crowd. Corey Black walks out from the back, the WCF Cruiserweight Title over his shoulder and a microphone in his hand.
Gravedigger: Things just got real interesting.
The music cuts as a staredown between the two begins.
Corey Black: You finished there Princess?
Laughter from the crowd as Price grips the top rope in anger.
Corey Black: Yeah? All right, good. So anyway, I was in the back there and I was talking to some of the guys about our match last week and how I pinned you....twice. You remember that?
Price now pacing the ring, eyes full of rage.
Corey Black: Sure you do. Anyway, we're having a good laugh about it when I hear you out here going on and on about whatever the hell you were going on about. And then I hear you talking about the champions in WCF all being spineless and nutless and cowards and I just got confused. I mean....
Black pauses to look over at the gold on his shoulder.
Corey Black: I'm holding gold and I'm certainly none of those things. Hell, I accepted your challenge for a match and I beat your ass all over this ring. So I don't know where-
Jayson Price: Shut up.
The crowd boos.
Jayson Price: No, you are still as bad as all of them. I challenged you to put that belt on the line in that match. Hell, I even offered to put my own up for grabs if you would. But you wouldn't do it. You're a cocky son of a bitch but you wouldn't do it. No, it had to be a regular, non-title match. And yeah, you beat me Corey, congratulations. But don't you dare try telling me you're better than Beckman or Orbit or any of the others because you're not. Anyone comes challenging you to put that belt on the line you whip out the excuses and play them one by one until the person goes away. You're a coward Black, plain and simple.
Corey Black: So what, just because I didn't give you a shot at this title, I'm a coward?
Jayson Price: Yes, you're a coward.
Corey Black: Well then, I guess we're going to have to do something about that.
Jayson Price: Oh what, now you're going to just give me a title match?
Price starts to laugh but Black isn't amused.
Jayson Price: Come on, you're joking.
Corey Black: Not even a bit. I've just grown really tired of hearing you bitch, so I'm letting you have this one just this once.
Jayson Price: Letting me have it? You know what, think whatever you want. All I care about is the fact that I'm going to pin your ass, take that title and just further my legacy as the most decorated champion this company has ever seen.
Corey Black: Well that sounds real cute and all, but there may be someone else you may need to worry about.
Jayson Price: Someone else? What the hell are you-
"Hit Me Like A Man" by The Pretty Reckless hits to a beyond massive pop. Price stops pacing in the ring as his face goes white. Corey Black is grinning ear to ear as Chelsea Armstrong walks out from the back, eyes dead set on Price.
Corey Black: Yeah, I should have mentioned that at Payback, it's going to be Corey Black versus Jayson Price versus Chelsea Armstrong. You wanted a challenge? You wanted a shot at my title? Well you got both now, Princess.
Black drops his microphone and turns around and walks to the back as Chelsea continues to stare down Price.
Gravedigger: Holy crap! The Internet Championship is vacated, presumably to be decided between Dune, Mazy and Jackson White at Payback, and now we have Price versus Black versus Armstrong at Payback for the Cruiserweight Title as well! What a night!
Slam goes to commercial.
"Stabbing the Drama" by Soilwork hits the PA, the crushing guitar reverberating through the venue as the decorated middleweight Metal Dragon steps through the curtain.
Kyle Steel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the Television Title…introducing the challenger; from Nashville Tennessee…weighing in at 225lbs…Metal Dragon!!
The Tennessee native takes a moment to pan his eyes over the cheering crowd, raising one arm with a clenched fist while soaking in the adoration.
Freddy Whoa: Well Joey Flash won the television title in only his second match here in the WCF, and with Metal Dragon picking up the win in his first match I see no reason why he can’t repeat history here
Zach Davis: That’s very naïve Freddy. We both know Joey isn’t letting that thing go for love nor money!
Gravedigger: I dunno about that, I bet Joey is an easy man to bribe.
Walking to the ring, MD sticks his arms out to allow high-fives from some fans whilst not allowing his gaze to avert from the ring
The arena lights dim as the crowd buzz begins to build to fever pitch. The music begins and lingers for a moment before Joey Flash in all his glory emerges from behind the curtain staring at the crowd.
Kyle Steel: And his opponent; from the Bronx, New York…weighing in at 220lbs…he is the Television Champion…Joey Flash!!
Freddy Whoa: Eight and 0 for this monster of the television title history.
Zach Davis: Extremely impressive record for Joey but will nine be a step too far?
Gravedigger: Shut the fuck up. Joey’s got this won, no pathetic lizard is gonna stop that.
He floats regally down the aisle bathing in the atmosphere and stopping to shake the hand of anyone who desires it. He circles the ring not once, but twice. Delaying his entrance and the match even further riling the crowd before sliding into the ring and sitting down in one of the ring corners staring at his future foe with both apathy and disgust.
The referee holds the title belt aloft as the two wrestlers take their corners. He shows it to all four corners of the arena then hands it to the ringside official.
Joey bends over slightly and looks up to Metal Dragon who is watching him intently. Joey touches his toes and snaps back up with a jump, his heels hitting his buttocks as he does. He then does the same repetition again. After this he holds his hand out to an approaching Dragon who stops. He stretches both arms behind his back, then repeats the whole exercise over again. The crowd boo furiously
Freddy Whoa: Did Joey forget to warm up for this or something?
Zach Davis: Nah, I think Joey is playing mindgames with him. You saw how concentrated Dragon was at the start of the match. That’s all gone out the window now
Gravedigger: The man’s a genius.
Zach Davis: Aw thanks
Gravedigger: Not you. You are what Joey would call a “faggot”.
Zach Davis: …
Joey motions to Dragon to attack him, which he does. A couple of lefts and rights furiously hammering into Joey’s face. However he rolls out of the way and outside the ring. He then circles it and re-enters at the opposing corner.
Joey Flash: No no no. Try again, Dragon
Metal Dragon looks at him with confusion and again hammers him with a few lefts and rights. Joey again escapes, grabs a small black cotton bag and re-enters.
Freddy Whoa: What the hell is he doing?
Zach Davis: No idea. Joey Flash is a box of tricks with a health warning.
Gravedigger: Ha he’s got a plan
Joey takes out a match. He then takes out a small glass bottle of clear liquid and pours it into his mouth, but doesn’t swallow it. He lights the match, leans back and then snaps forward and sprays the liquid onto the match, causing a jet of flame to project from his mouth. Metal Dragon staggers back and stands there blankly. Joey points at him
Joey Flash: Well? Come on Dragon, let’s see some fire
Dragon glazes his eyes and in that moment of distraction is clotheslined with electric force by Joey. He snaps back up to his feet but again is clotheslined. He gets back up but Joey moves so he is behind him, he jabs him with a boxing punch and orbits him, snapping punches at him from all angles. Metal Dragon then bats a punch away, and unleashes the Dragon Rush on Joey, first with a front kick to the stomach, followed by a roundhouse and hook kick to the sides of the head, then an axe kick to the back of the cranium to drive the victim into the mat. All performed with one leg which never touches the mat during execution.
Freddy Whoa: There we go! The fire we all wanted to see!
Zach Davis: Bam Boom Pow. Just like that.
Gravedigger: Looks like Joey’s touched a nerve. A’da boy!
Joey rolls onto his back and claps his hands at Dragon, who responds by sending the top of his boot into his face, planting him back to the mat. He covers and the ref drops…
Kickout! Joey’s not giving up that easy! He grabs Dragon before he can get up and locks in an armbar.
Joey Flash: Got your wing motherfucker!
Freddy Whoa: Not too far away from the 3 count there. Metal Dragon means business here
Zach Davis: Couldn’t agree more. This will NOT be easy for Joey
Gravedigger: You two are so naïve. What did Joey say last week? 99% of his matches are won before it even starts. Joey had this one won the moment he broke Dragon’s concentration with that little fire-breathing routine. This is just a formality now.
Dragon grimaces in pain but manages to get a foot on the ring. Joey holds the submission though and the referee is forced to intervene..
Joey releases him and laughs at the referee, before patting him on the back and resting on the ropes. Dragon rubs his arm and gets to his feet. He shakes his head at Joey and the two lock horns again in the middle of the ring. Dragon holds Joey in a headlock, pushes him towards the ropes and plants him with a swinging neck-breaker as he rebounds. Dragon covers again…
Joey reverses it and pins Dragon!
Kickout! Dragon kicks out and swiftly climbs a nearby turnbuckle. He leaps off and tries to connect with The Bad Touch double knee drop but Joey gets out the way. Dragon lands into a forward roll but as he gets up he runs straight into the Lightning Bolt!
Freddy Whoa: Lightning Bolt connects!! This could be it!!
Zach Davis: What a great rally! We need to see more of this!
Gravedigger: Tough shit guys, this ends here
Joey does indeed pin Metal Dragon as the ref drops…
Kickout! A two and three quarter count if there ever was one. Joey lifts Dragon to his feet and again hits him with a few boxing jabs. Dragon bats one away and headbutts Joey, not once but twice, he flings Joey across the ring and uses his momentum to throw Joey out of the ring who lands in a heap in front of the announce table. Dragon then runs across the ring, bounces off the ropes and then leaps OVER the ropes with his arms outstretched and lands The Bad Touch double knee drop on Joey!!
Freddy Whoa: Bad Touch connects! Metal Dragon takes flight
Zach Davis: Joey regretting his pyrotechnics now. Dragon squashed him there!
Gravedigger: This ain’t over yet. I told you, Joey’s won this.
The referee begins to count the two men out.
Joey gets to his feet albeit with a few coughs and splutters and receives another knee to the gut by Dragon. He moves a bent over Joey and throws him into the steel steps.
The crowd cheer Metal Dragon who drives his boot into the chest of Joey a few times. The fifth time though, Joey catches his boot and gets to his feet, before swinging his ankle into the ringpost. The crowd grimace, but not as much as Dragon who hops on the spot. This allows Joey to wrap his arms around Dragon and belly to belly suplex him straight on to the steel steps.
Joey places Dragon’s ankle on the steps and stamps on it, further injuring him. He carries this on until the referee is forced to leave the ring and again intervene. The referee tends to Dragon’s ankle as Joey slinks away. He grabs a steel chair and re-enters the ring and stands on the turnbuckle that Dragon is next to. The referee doesn’t notice him as he is too busy rotating Dragon’s ankle.
Freddy Whoa: Joey no come on! There’s no need!
Zach Davis: You’re wasting your breath
Gravedigger: Crush it!
Dragon looks up at Joey who smiles at him, he throws the chair onto the announce table distracting the referee. In this moment, Joey jumps off the turnbuckle in a standing position and stomps Dragon’s ankle as he lands. Joey springboards off his ankle and uses the ringpost to swing around on and stand innocently on the apron. The ref turns his attention back to Dragon who has rolled off the steps and is clutching his ankle in agony. The ref looks up at Joey who is resting his head in one hand and is smiling back at him. The ref shakes his head, turns around and begins to motion for the bell to be rung, but before this can be done, Joey quickly hops down and drives an elbow into the back of his head, knocking him out.
Freddy Whoa: No! The ref’s out of commission and Joey is in sandbox mode!
Zach Davis: Asshole mode you mean
Gravedigger: Fuck that, Joey’s in BEAST MODE!!
Joey looks at Metal Dragon and grins. He lifts him up and rolls him into the ring, but before he re-enters he grabs the chair off the announce table and throws it in the ring. He slides back in the ring and positions Dragon’s ankle in the hole of the chair.
Joey Flash: You can’t breathe fire!
He stomps on the chair which contorts the ankle
Freddy Whoa: Joey for fuck sake!!
Joey Flash: You can’t fly anymore!
Zach Davis: Stop it Joey!!
Joey Flash: You’re certainly not big and scary!
Joey Flash: You’re just as fruitless as the other pathetic faggots in this company.
Joey Flash: Let’s see if you can at least roar like a dragon shall we?
He removes the chair, lifts his foot into the air and hits his ankle with a Sudden Flash punch, he then holds in an ankle lock. Dragon screams and furiously taps out but…
…no referee! Until one barrels down the ramp and slides into the ring. He calls for the bell and pushes Joey away from Dragon.
Kyle Steel: Here is your winner and STILL the Television Champion…Joey Flash!!
Slam returns from a commercial, we’re greeted with the sight of Scarecrow with Chelsea Armstrong in the interview paddock. Scarecrow’s dressed in a black hoodie, the hood is up while the murder machine’s bowed head concentrates on adjusting his hand wraps. Crow is wearing his black wrestling gear beneath. Chelsea is in a grey form fitting suit, white blouse and blue tie. They’re both ready to take centre stage.
Beside them is interviewer extraordinaire, Hank Brown.
Hank Brown: Scarecrow, obviously the last twenty four hours have been a very trying time for you. Bethany West’s assault and the subsequent discovery of her body must have--
Chelsea steps forward.
Chelsea Armstrong: The death of Scarecrow’s former psychiatrist, is of no concern to my client. The death of that young woman last week, is of no concern to my client. My client however, is very much the concern of Oblivion. Scarecrow is the focus of IT’s attention, the fulcrum of IT’s waking hours, the nightmare that cannot be shaken, the horror that refuses to yield. Oblivion, what you will receive tonight, you begged for. You begged like a dog for this. A bad little puppy on a leash. You begged and cried for a shot at being in my clients shadow.
The camera closes in.
Chelsea Armstrong: Wish granted. Remember that when your new scares refuse to heal. When your vixens turn away, revulsed with horror, by what my client, The scarecrow has reduced you to. Have you ever heard the sound of a career ending up close, Oblivion? Have you ever listened to it, for days, for months. This new pleasure we promise you. Your word is a fading memory, Oblivion. It’s reached it’s expiry date; Tonight, right here in--
Scarecrow: Odin Balfore, last week on Slam you called me out. You wanted me to prove myself, in a match of my choosing. Next week on Slam? You’ll get an answer. This week, Johnny Reb? Oblivion? This week, it’s all about retribution. One word, eleven letters. Tattooed across your skulls by a pair of fists with murder on their minds...bitches.
The scene cuts back to the announcers desk.
The scene fades into the fudge packed Siegel Center in Richmond, Virginia where Hot Dog King signs are in full effect and Freddy Whoa, Gravedigger, and Zac Davis sit at the announcer table.
The Blue Dawns "I've Seen The Signs" strikes up on the speakers. The audience instantly approves of the Hotdog Kings, as Logan and Marc Mayhem walk out onto the stage. The pair confidently heads down the ramp sliding underneath the bottom rope into the ring, and the music fades and they await their opponents.
Zach Davis: What do you think of the newly formed Hot Dog Kings tag team? I like em, I think they're fun for the whole family. I already signed up for the Lil Weiners Fan Club. I barely had enough money for my mortgage, but I sent off for my decoder pin with the money I was gonna spend on real hot dogs.
Freddy Whoa: Eh...they're weird. Logan gives me the heebie jeebies...and now Marc Mayhem too. I mean, where does it end?
Gravedigger: I hate em. I hate Logan's dumbass Curt Cobain hair cut and Marc Mayhem's stupid hot dog whistle. Fucking hate em. Bunch of flamin qu-
Gravedigger is cut off as a voice cuts through the P.A.
Voice: Cartel 4 Life!
"Raise Hell" by (Hed) Pe starts playing as Tom Joad and Chaz James step into the arena with purple laser lights filtering threw smoke. They start towards the ring and Adam Young steps out behind them in a black suit. The duo just stares into the ring with blank stares. They reach the ring and stand next to it. Adam climbs up on the ring steps and the duo slides in under the bottom rope. Purple and black streamers fill the ring.
Gravedigger: Wow. Just wow.
Freddy Whoa: Are these guys serious?
Zach Davis: Of course they're serious. Didn't you see their serious stares when they were coming to the ring? It doesn't get any more serious than that.
Marc Mayhem starts for his team as Chaz James begins for his. The referee calls for the bell and Marc goes to converse with Logan.
Gravedigger: Aw, come on Mayhem! The match started! Give the people what they paid for!
Zach Davis: I think he is...
Logan gives Marc a thumbs up and hops off the apron. Marc and Chaz lock up in the center of the ring and battle for control. Marc ducks a hard right and hits Chaz with a Russian Leg sweep. As Chaz starts to stand, Marc runs the ropes and comes back with a kick to the face for Chaz. Chaz hits the mat and Marc covers him for the pin.
Zach Davis: Chaz gets the shoulder up!
As Chaz kicks out of the pin, Logan pulls something out from under the ring.
Zach Davis: It looks like...is that a swag launcher? What's Logan got in there?
Logan answers almost immediately as he starts shooting Hot Dog shaped rape whistles into the crowd with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.
Gravedigger: Disqualify them ref! This isn't part of the match.
Freddy Whoa: I don't know whether to be happy or terrified.
Zach Davis: I love this! These guys are great!
Crowd: HOT DOG KINGS!!! (CLAPCLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP) HOT DOG KINGS!!! (CLAPCLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP)
Zach Davis: The crowd is giving the Hot Dog Kings the clap right now!
Gravedigger: I'm gonna let that one mull over for a minute Zac...
Marc lifts Chaz to his feet as Logan jumps back up onto the apron. Marc tosses Chaz into the turnbuckle and tags in Logan. He trips Chaz whose trying to escape. Marc grabs onto one leg and Logan grabs the other ans they hit that foo with a wishbone split.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! His giblets!
Zach Davis: It appears we'll be safe from the little baby Chaz James' of the world.
Logan drags Chaz to the center of the ring and hooks his leg.
Zach Davis: No! Chaz kicks out!
Gravedigger: Just stay down Chaz!
Logan starts lifting Chaz to his feet while Marc plays to the crowd outside. the referee moves to stop Marc and Chaz uses the distraction to nail Logan in his giblets!
Freddy Whoa: Always protect your McNuggets! Logan should know this! You know that, right Zac?
Zach Davis: (with his mouthful of chili dog) Mmm...shyup!
Logan falls to the mat as Marc gets the ref to look at the action. Chaz covers Logan.
The pin attempt is interrupted by Marc kicking Chaz in the head. Tom Joad enters the ring and it turns into an all out brawl. Adam Young stands on the sideline egging The Kings of Chaos on. Tom Joad has Marc in the corner while Chaz wails on Logan on the ground!
Zach Davis: This is getting out of hand! Call for the bell ref!
Tom Joad goes for a hard right punch to Marc's face, but Marc ducks it and kicks Joad face first into the turnbuckle. Joad holds his face and comes back to eat a release German suplex from Marc as Logan hits Chaz James in the face with an open palm uppercut. Chaz immediately starts bleeding from his nose and becomes dazed straight Mortal Kombat style in the ring.
Zach Davis: What's Logan doing now?
Logan is doing a little jig in the ring while Chaz tries to find out where the hell he's at.
Zach Davis: The Hot Dog kings are yanking and tugging these guys hard! They're about to explode!
Gravedigger: I promised no gay jokes, butt fuck it!
Freddy Whoa: Seriously? Cum on guys!
Zach Davis: You spelt that.. weird.
Freddy Whoa: What?
Chaz and Tom both tap out at the same time!
Logan and Marc release (ifunowutimean?) and start celebrating their victory. Logan pulls two hot dogs out of his pants and Marc pulls a bottle of mustard out of his to a huge pop from the crowd!
Gravedigger: What are these two freaks doing?
Marc squirts some mustard on the dogs and takes one from Logan...then they shove them into Chaz and Tom's mouths!
Zach Davis: It's a million dollar weenie!
Gravedigger: It looks like they're giving them their last meal!
Marc and Logan continue celebrating as hot dogs fall from the rafters.
Freddy Whoa: Looks like dinner's on The Hot Dog Kings tonight!
Zach Davis: We are coming up to the Occulo and The Scarecrow against The Chrono-Rippers match up.
Freddy Whoa: This match could be very interesting.
Gravedigger: I'm expecting everyone to do well in this match. This will be a match to keep an eye on.
Zach Davis: Kyle Steel is in the ring. Let's get this match started.
For the Love of Life by David Sylvian begins to play. Every single light, in the arena, comes on at their brightest setting. The song continues to play.
The Siegal Center spotlights searches the crowd for Occulo.
Zach Davis: There we go, we found him!!
Kyle Steel: The following is a tag team bout. Coming down to the ring... From Washington, D.C.... weighing in at 220 pounds. This is..... OCCUUUULOOOOOOO!!
Occulo is making his way through the crowd. Siegal Center erupts with massive cheers. Occulo gets to the ringside barriers. Occulo is climbing over the barrier, he stares up at the screen. The music stops. The lights will shut off.
Gravedigger: What the Hell?
Freddy Whoa: The lights went out!!
The screen shows grey CCTV footage of an unknown location.
The jumbotron entrance video for Occulo goes back to normal. The music is continuing.
Zach Davis: That was a strange few seconds.
Occulo slides into the ring and is resting on the ropes with his arms outstretched.
Gravedigger: Now, we wait for The Scarecrow.
The house lights die out.
Zach Davis: OH DAMN!! NOT AGAIN!!
Gravedigger: Relax, you big baby!!
The sound of crows cawing echo throughout the arena, red spotlights dances across the screaming faces of those in attendance, as the ear splitting sound reaches a crescendo. A moment of silence, shattered by a wave of cheers as The Scarecrow’s disembodied voice begins to recite, with gravel laced tones, his vengeful credo. The crowd joining in:
“A murder of crows is gathering, the fields are ripe to reap. The days of sin, follow the wind, with promises to keep.”
The crowd breaks into cheers, acquiescing to their hero's request:
SCARECROW! SCARECROW! SCARECROW!
A moment passes, then “Red Right Hand”, by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds begins to play. As the ominous chords sing, a red spotlight appears on the stage beneath a jumbotron of strange occult symbology; Snakes slithering across the sand, a Joshua Tree bursts into flame, Wicker Men are set on fire by hooded occultists. The Scarecrow emerges from behind the gorilla curtain, his massive form cutting a dark, hulking silhouette, eclipsed by red smoke and light. Still masked in shadow, Scarecrow adjusts his right taped hand and steps forward, only now gaining detail and depth as he slowly begins his procession down the ramp. He's wearing a black, customized hoodie over his fight gear.
Kyle Steel: Standing at six foot six! Weighing in at two hundred and fifty eight pounds! From The Bowery, New York! He is DAHHH MURDAHHH MACHINNNE, DAHHH SCAAAAAREEE-CROOOOWWW!!!
The spotlight above follows Scarecrow at a measured pace, his tall frame navigating around the squared circle. Crow sizing up the opposition within with a steely, unwavering glare.
“You're one microscopic cog, in his catastrophic plan. Designed and directed by his red...right...hand.”
The Scarecrow soaks up the cheers from the crowd before sliding inside the ring, adjusting his taped right hand once again as a way of foreshadowing his finishing maneuver. Scarecrow removes his hoodie and hands it to Kyle Steel. With a casual arrogance, Crow slumps up against a post and waves his opponent on, arms draped over the ropes in a crucifix pose, a demeanor of nonchalance tinged with cold menace.
Gravedigger: Now, we wait on The Chrono-Rippers.
Zach Davis: After what has been said between these two teams, It will be very interesting how this match plays out.
The house lights dim, and the intro to Lynnyrd Skynnyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" hits the speakers. The music begin to slowly blend with Breath by The Prodigy. as lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around a jam packed arena.
BREATHE WITH ME!!
Hushed anticipation falls over the crowd, as the crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin as a spotlight illuminates the stage. Johnny Reb and Oblivion step out from behind the curtain. Several mixtures of boos and cheers goes up from the crowd. As they walk down the ramp, the cameraman gets real close, as Oblivion and Johnny Reb sneer at the camera. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. They proceed to walk down the entrance ramp, with their focus only on Marc Mayhem nad Justin Cash.
Kyle Steel: Coming down to the ring... with a combined weight of 517 pounds... this is The Monster Oblivion and The Inveterate Confederate Johnny Reb.... THE CHRONO-RIPPERS!!
Oblivion and Johnny Reb circle the ring. Johnny eschews the steps completely; he leaps onto the ring apron and climbs the turnbuckles. Oblivion enters the ring and climbs up to the second turnbuckle and both Oblivion and Johnny reb extend out their arms. The crown reacts with a mixed reaction.
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb and Oblivion COULD end up being a formidable tag team.
Gravedigger: They could end up ruling the tag team division... Well, that's if they do not implode first!!
Both johnny Reb and Oblivion jump down into the ring. Both teams talk amongst each other.
Freddy Whoa: It looks like Johnny Reb and Occulo starts off for their teams.
Both competitors circle the ring.
Zach Davis: Both Occulo and Johnny Reb charge at one another....
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb nails Occulo with a swing double axehandle to the chest.
Occulo drops to the mat. Quickly, Reb takes the opportunity....
Freddy Whoa: Fist drop to the skull of Occulo.
Occulo's body flops with the impact of the fist drop.
Zach Davis: WE HAVE OUR FIRST PIN COVER!!
Stanley Moser slides into position....
Crowd: ON-.... NOOOO!!
Gravedigger: Not even a one count.
Occulo gets up. Johnny Reb gets Occulo into a side headlock.
Freddy Whoa: Occulo pops Johnny Reb in the mid-section to let go of the side headlock.
The crowd cheers out. Occulo drops Reb with a belly to back suplex. The crowd reacts accordingly...
Crowd: LET'S GO OCCULO, LET'S GO!! LET'S GO OCCULO, LET'S GO!! LET'S GO OCCULO, LET'S GO!!
Occulo picks up Johnny Reb.
Zach Davis: I would of gone for the pin, in that situation.
Gravedigger: Occulo whips Johnny Reb into the ropes.
Johnny Reb approaches the ropes, as Occulo follows right behind him. Reb leaps up and bounces off the second ring rope with his, grabbing Occulo.....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!
Freddy Whoa: SPRINGBOARD BULLDOG!!
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb is going for the pin!!
Crowd: TW---.... NOOOOOO!!
Gravedigger: ONE AND HALF!! Johnny Reb picks up Occulo...
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!!
Freddy Whoa: Oesophagus Bureau!!
Occulo delivers an elbow to Johnny Reb's throat. Reb stops in his movement and proceeds to cough,
Zach Davis: Occulo takes off, bouncing off the ropes. Occulo jumps into the air.
Gravedigger: Occulo somersaults into the air....
Freddy Whoa: Occulo plants Johnny Reb's face into the mat.
Occulo stands up.
Zach Davis: Occulo is gonna tag in The Scarecrow....
Gravedigger: THAT WAS EXTREMELY FAST!! Johnny Reb nailed Occulo with a cross-knee breaker.
Freddy Whoa: SOUTHERN CROSS!!
Reb picks up Occulo...
Zach Davis: Facebreaker ddt!!
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb is going for the pin.... AGAIN!!
Stanley Moser slides into position...
The crowd roars out with explosive cheers. The Scarecrow proceeds to hang onto the the top ringrope, while stomping down on the ring apron with his right boot. This causes the crowd to clap and stomp along.
Crowd: LET'S GO OCCULO, LET'S GO!! LET'S GO OCCULO, LET'S GO!! LET'S GO OCCULO, LET'S GO!!
Reb stands up Occulo....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!
Zach Davis: SWINGING DDT!!
The crowd roars out, as soon as Occulo collapses and tries to crawl to his corner. Scarecrow stomps down onto the ring apron, slapping his right hand against the top turnbuckle!!
Crowd: OCCULO!!! OCCULO!!! OCCULO!!! OCCULO!!
Occulo crawls towards his corner. The roars out thunderous boos....
Gravedigger: HERE COMES THE MONSTER OBLIVION!!!
Oblivion goes after a crawling Occulo. Occulo turns around onto his back. Oblivion grabs the legs of Occulo. But...
Zach Davis: Occulo kicks The Monster away. Occulo dives....
The crowd roars.
Freddy Whoa: Here comes Scarecrow....
Gravedigger: DOWN GOES JOHNNY REB!!
Zach Davis: DOWN GOES THE MONSTER OBLIVION!!
Scarecrow grabs for Oblivion....
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb is STILL the legal man!!
Freddy Whoa: JAWBREAKER!!
Oblivion stumbles back...
Gravedigger: ROUNDHOUSE KICK ON OBLIVION!!
Zach Davis: Nails Scarecrow from behind with a double fist to the back of the neck.
Reb grabs Scarecrow and runs towards the ropes....
Freddy Whoa: Springboard arm-drag!!
Scarecrow gets back up and charges at Johnny Reb....
Gravedigger: DOUBLE AXEHANDLE TO THE FACE!!
Johnny Reb bolts to the corner, climbing up the turnbuckle, without using his hands and immediately flies off the top turnbuckle...
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb flies!!
Freddy Whoa: CONFEDERATE CANNONBALL!!
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb is going for the pin!!
Gravedigger: Only Oblivion has not been... OFFICIALLY, in the match!!
Zach Davis: Occulo drops an elbow to break up the pin!!
Reb gets up and bolts for the ropes.
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb springboards off the middle ringrope...
Freddy Whoa: SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE!!
Zach Davis: That clothesline causes Occulo to stumble back and fall out of the ring!!
Gravedigger: THE SCARECROW NAILS JOHNNY REB WITH A S.T.O!!
Zach Davis: LEGDROP!!
Freddy Whoa: Scarecrow bolts towards the ropes and springboards off the ropes....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!
Freddy Whoa: LIONSAULT!!
Gravedigger: WATCH OUT!!
Zach Davis: Oblivion, who has not been officially in this match nails Scarecrow with a two handed choke-lift into sit-down power-bomb.
Oblivion goes back to the corner of The Chrono-Rippers. Reb picks up Scarecrow who nails Reb in the gut with a knee.
Zach Davis: Scarecrow follows up that knee with a Enziguri. He follows that up with a twisting facebuster!!
Scarecrow picks up Reb...
Johnny Reb grabs Scarecrow.
Freddy Whoa: Reb whips Scarecrow into the ropes.
Reb gets tossed into the ropes. Reb bounces off the ropes, Oblivion tags himself in.
Zach Davis: Did everyone catch that. As Johnny Reb bounced off the ropes, Oblivion tagged ITSELF IN!!
Johnny Reb charges at Scarecrow, who misses with a clothesline. Johnny Reb continues to run ahead and bounces off the other end.
Gravedigger: Scarecrow misses with another wild clothesline attempt!!
Reb continues to run and slides under the legs of Oblivion and exits the ring through under the bottom ring rope. Scarecrow comes running up.....
Freddy Whoa: SWINGING SIDESLAM!!
Oblivion drops an legdrop drop!!
Zach Davis: A elbow drop!!
Gravedigger: A KNNE DROP ACROSS THE SKULL OF THE SCARECROW!!
Oblivion grabs the head of The Scarecrow and proceed to gnaw at the forehead, before spitting out a chunk of skin from Scarecrow.
Zach Davis: The Monster picks up Scarecrow and bounces him off the ropes. Scarecrow comes screaming up....
Oblivion picks up Scarecrow and holds him over the head of The Monster...
Freddy Whoa: INTO A DEVASTATING BACKBREAKER!!
Gravedigger: Oblivion tags in Johnny Reb!!
Oblivion holds up a bent Scarecrow, who is looking up...
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb is on the top turnbuckle!!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!
Gravedigger: The Chrono-Rippers call that move.... THE COSMICMATIC!!
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb tags Oblivion back into the ring.
Scarecrow slowly gets up and sees Oblivion entering the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Scarecrow nails Oblivion with a superkick!!
Oblivion stumbles backwards bouncing off the ropes....
Gravedigger: CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!!
Oblivion picks up Scarecrow in a suplex position....
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb is perched on the top turnbuckle.
Freddy Whoa: SHOOT STAR PRESS!!
Gravedigger: It says here, they call that.... SOUTHERN NIGHTMARE!!
Oblivion tags in Johnny Reb.
Zach Davis: Scarecrow was already starting to stand up....
Scarecrow nails Oblivion with a double fist to the back of IT'S head, sending Oblivion down to the mat.
Freddy Whoa: Scarecrow tosses across the ring.
Zach Davis: Occulo is already waiting.
Gravedigger: POWERSLAM ON JOHNNY REB!!
Freddy Whoa: Occulo wraps his legs around the neck of Johnny Reb and pulls his head upwards whilst squeezing tightly with his legs.
Zach Davis: The Epitome!!
Reb screams out.
Gravedigger: From out of nowhere Oblivion drops a legdrop across the head of Occulo!!
Scarecrow grabs Oblivion....
Zach Davis: MURDER WITH CROWS Ace Cutter!!
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion is not the legal man!!
Gravedigger: HERE COMES JOHNNY REB!!
Scarecrow turns around in time!!
Zach Davis: BACKBREAKER CHOKESLAM!!
Freddy Whoa: CROWBREAKER!!
Gravedigger: Scarecrow is going for the pin!!
Kyle Steel: THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH.... OCCULO AND THE SCARECROW!!
The arena suddenly goes black as a sound comes softly over the PA system. Is it the hooves of a herd of horses, or is that distant thunder, one cannot tell.
Zach Davis: I don't like this...
The volume slowly rises in a thundering crescendo...
Freddy Whoa: That sounds like hoof beats...
Gravedigger: Fucking Hell you two shut...
The lights flash bright as a bolt of lightning hits near the stage, causing Freddy to curse in exclamation and Davis to dive for cover. Gravedigger just shrugs.
As the smoke curls upwards past the obscenely large jumbotron a voice echos out.
Voice: You, WCF have fallen from your glory, and a Champion will return for some Payback...
The lights slowly come back up as the hoof beats and laughter fade to nothingness...
Freddy Whoa: Well, one can only wonder what that can mean...
Zach Davis: Mommy...
Gravedigger: Dammit you two, it means we have a champion returning to kick ass and take names at Payback... Jesus Christ I should have asked for more for this gig...
The opening sample of "So Whatcha Want" by Beastie Boys fills the arena as the lights dim. When the song kicks in, strobelights flash throughout the arena and a spotlight hits the entrance. Buddy Roman takes the stage, followed by Natural ICE Beckman and Zombie McMorris. Buddy stands before them with a proud smile. The two men taunt the crowd for a few moments until a series of pyros explode and they are led to the ring by Buddy.
"Slay IT" by Cryptex begins instantly at the 43 second mark. 'SLAY IT', and then the beat drops. "Dan" fades onto the screen above stage and holds for three seconds, followed by a crossfade into "Van" for another three, and then "Slade" ends it with a final three second hold. The beautifully orchestrated theme by Cryptex engulfs the arena and at about twelve seconds into the vanity appears "Devious" Dan Van Slade who whips the curtain behind him and hurries to the stage. The superstar stops at the edge of the ramp and initiates the SUPER DEVIANT super pose as he is introduced by the ring announcer.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen - heading to the ring and weighing in at 251 pounds...he is from MISSOULA...
Steel stops for a brief moment and notices a strike through Missoula, Montana, on his card. He corrects himself.
Van Slade holds his pose; shirtless in bright red trunks on light blue tights with red leather boots laced to the lower knee and blue elbow pads.
Kyle Steel: ...The hippest planet in the souler system - PLANET HIPTON...
The Super Deviant ends his pose and points to his left, and then to the right; he lifts his head and closes his eyes. Pyrotechnics are showcased behind him with a row of flames shooting from the stage floor, and a shower of bright sparks pouring from the rafters above.
Kyle Steel: ...THE SUPER DEVIANT...DEVIOUS...DAN...VAN...SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!
The pompous introduction comes to a halt, but the epic theme continues as Van Slade arrogantly treks down the ramp with his sights set on the wrestling ring. The devious performer talks with himself while shouting crude remarks toward the crowd. He stops mid-way and then jets toward the ring. He slides underneath the bottom rope until he anchors himself into the center of the squared-circle. He slowly moves to his feet and stares into the crowd with determined eyes and a sadistic grin. His battle tune fades.
The subtle guitar screeches and ominous bass drum beats of "Raining Blood" by Slayer flood the arena, hushing the crowd as the arena lights dim. The drums beat, and fiery-orange uplights flash up to the beat. The anticipation builds as the seconds pass. Then, the hard thrash guitar roars to life as a renewed gout of fiery orange orange spotlights flare around the stadium, spinning not unlike warning lights.
Crowd: HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen! On his way to the ring! Standing at six feet three inches...
Just as all this is happening Maelstrom appears, wearing a dark metallic chrome mantle with flame pipes and spikes rising from his shoulders.
Crowd: HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Kyle Steel: ...weighing in at three hundred pounds, he is the Nickel City Nightmare, the Innovator of Intimidation...
He marches to the ring with purpose, hands out to brush the outstretched fingers of the fans on both sides. He stops short of the ring and turns to the crowd, pausing a moment. Then he rears back and roars to the heavens as twin ten-foot jets of fiery blood-red sparks erupt from his shoulders.
Crowd: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Kyle Steel: ...the Human Hellstorm... MAELSTROOOOOOM!
Having discarded his entrance attire he climbs to the second rope. Facing out to the crowd, he first points to the nosebleed seats, and then bowing his head, thumps his fist over his heart in salute to the fans and the arena.
Zach Davis: We found out last week that both DVS and Maelstrom are going to face Steve Orbit at Payback for the Hardcore Title.
Gravedigger: Which is BS, since DVS won the chance at the Title and Maelstrom just lucked into it. I don't always disagree with Seth but I don't get where he's coming from here.
Freddy Whoa: Lucked into it? The man is a monster. Why wouldn't he deserve it?
Zach Davis: Anyway, this match has put both men into the sights of the Vapor Kings. And here we go!
Both Beckman and McMorris run towards Maelstrom and Clothesline him down from behind. They quickly throw DVS out of the ring before they begin stomping away at Maelstrom.
Gravedigger: Great tag team wrestling!
Zach Davis: Sigh. Come on, Diggs.
Gravedigger: Like Taye Diggs? Don't call me that. I hate-
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Gravedigger: I was just going to say I hate Taye Diggs. What'd you think, Freddy?
The referee yells at the Vapor Kings to have one of them get out of the ring, but they don't listen. Instead they pick Maelstrom up and whip him to the ropes. As he comes back they both kick him in the gut, doubling him over, before executing a Double Suplex. Beckman floats over and goes for a pin as McMorris leaves, allowing the bell to ring and making the pin legal.
No!, Maelstrom powers out.
Zach Davis: The match is official now and we've got Maelstrom facing off against the World Champ and bringer of the Ice Age.
Beckman backs off and lets Maelstrom get up, expending his energy. Once Maelstrom is to a vertical base Beckman hits a Dropkick, sending him stumbling back and leaning against a neutral corner. Beckman runs at him and Clotheslines him, sandwiching Maelstrom between himself and the turnbuckle. Maelstrom stumbles out from the corner and Beckman catches him in a T-Bone Suplex!
Gravedigger: Beautifully executed!
Beckman floats over and goes for another pin.
No! Broken up by DVS.
Freddy Whoa: Men like DVS and Maelstrom are really making a name for themselves right now as many of WCF's newest talent begins rising to the top.
Gravedigger: The only reason they're able to rise to the top is because ICE Beckman blazed the trail! Beckman isn't some wily old veteran, Freddy. These guys like DVS, Maelstrom, Flash, Occulo and the like should be thanking Beckman for opening up opportunities for them.
Beckman gets to his feet and swings at DVS, but DVS ducks it and fires off a European Uppercut. McMorris hits the ring and runs at DVS, Clotheslining him over the top rope and sending both men spilling outside the ring!
Zach Davis: Back to only the two legal men in the ring now, Beckman and Maelstrom!
Maelstrom and Beckman both begin working their way to their feet, and both men make it there at the same time. They trade blows before Beckman goes to whip Maelstrom to the ropes. Maelstrom reverses it, however, sending Beckman running instead. Beckman comes back and Maelstrom lifts him up!
Freddy Whoa: WHAT STRENGTH!
Maelstrom drops Beckman with a Gorilla Press! Maelstrom then dives and tags in DVS.
Zach Davis: HERE COMES THE SUPER DEVIANT!
DVS comes in and takes down Beckman with a Clothesline. McMorris hits the ring again and eats a Clothesline as well before rolling out. Beckman is back up and DVS drops him with an Evenflow DDT!
Gravedigger: God damn! What a DDT!
Freddy Whoa: Watch your mouth, Gravedigger, or Steeltoe Joe will be after you again. Here's the pin!
NO!, Beckman kicks out.
Zach Davis: Beckman has yet to be pinned or submitted here in the WCF. If either DVS or Maelstrom did that here tonight it would make their career!
DVS rolls away and lifts Beckman up as McMorris goes to reenter the ring. The ref turns to tell McMorris to get out... as Beckman low blows DVS.
Gravedigger: Now THAT'S devious!
McMorris gets back onto the apron as Beckman pins DVS. The ref turns to count.
NO! DVS kicks out.
Freddy Whoa: Beckman's dastardly tactics almost paid off!
Beckman now tags in McMorris. McMorris comes in and the two men execute a Double Clothesline, taking DVS back down to the mat. Beckman gets onto the apron as McMorris stomps away.
Zach Davis: Those damn Vapor Kings.
McMorris picks DVS up and throws him to the ropes. As DVS comes back McMorris gets the boot up.
Gravedigger: Big Boot!
DVS hits the mat and starts to get to his feet. McMorris runs at him.
Freddy Whoa: BOOT PARTY!
McMorris drops and goes for the pin!
NO! DVS KICKS OUT!
Zach Davis: That was close!, but DVS is proving he's a tough sumbitch.
McMorris lifts DVS up and throws him to the ropes again but as DVS is coming back McMorris telegraphs a Back Bodydrop, allowing DVS to kick him in the chest. DVS runs towards the ropes behind McMorris, bounces, and hits McMorris with a Chop Block as he's coming back.
Gravedigger: Cheap shot!
McMorris drops to one knee as DVS grabs him and pulls him in for a Gutwrench Suplex into a sitout pin!
NO!, McMorris kicks out.
Freddy Whoa: Zombie McMorris is no stranger to Championships himself. He's just as tough as anyone in the WCF.. if not tougher.
DVS backs off long enough for McMorris to start stumbling up before DVS runs at him and hits him with a vicious knee to the face! He then lifts McMorris up and throws him to the ropes, hitting a Spinebuster!
Zach Davis: DVS PLANTS McMorris to the mat!
The crowd cheers as DVS leaps up.. and DVS quickly flips them off. He then grabs McMorris' legs.
Freddy Whoa: He's going for the Eagle Gopher Deathlock, the E.G.D.!
No!, McMorris has it well scouted and rolls through, grabbing DVS' leg and tripping him up. McMorris grapples DVS from behind and lifts him up in the Electric Chair position before dropping him!
Gravedigger: What power! I don't approve of his coke habit but he gets it from MS-13 so I guess I can get behind it.
McMorris tags in Beckman. Beckman comes in and taunts DVS a bit, waiting for him to stand up.
Gravedigger: What a showman! That's what being a World Champion is all about.
Once DVS is up Beckman grapples him from behind.
Zach Davis: German!
No!, DVS flips and lands on his feet! Beckman runs at him and DVS hits Beckman with a Tiltawhirl Backbreaker!
Freddy Whoa: Huge reversal from DVS!
DVS tags Maelstrom back in! Beckman stumbles up, groggy, and Maelstrom lifts him up.
Gravedigger: He's going for a Stun Gun.
No!, Beckman slides behind Maelstrom and hits the German Suplex he'd been looking for earlier! Beckman tags in McMorris as Beckman kicks Maelstrom in the gut...
Zach Davis: HANGOVER DDT!
Gravedigger: AND MCMORRIS FOLLOWS UP WITH A CURB STOMP!
McMorris goes for the pin as Beckman decks DVS.
Freddy Whoa: THE VAPOR KINGS ARE VICTORIOUS!
Gravedigger: As always, Freddy. As always.
Buddy Roman joins Beckman and McMorris in the ring, raising their arms up high in the air.
Zach Davis: The ante has been upped for the Payback Hardcore Title match, guys. DVS and Maelstrom are going to want revenge.
We go to commercial.
Zach Davis: And now we find ourselves at that time of the night, as we get ready for tonights most anticipated match of the card. We're talking Bobby Cairo taking on Steeltoe Joe.
Gravedigger: And here I was, hoping that the match was going to be forgotten about. After all, Cairo couldn't unseat ICE, and something tells me that Joe isn't going to get the job done, either.
Freddy Whoa: I wouldn't count out either competitor tonight, though. Joe wants to go into the World Championship match strong, while Bobby wants to continue to build on his momentum after winning the Tag Team Titles with Kaz Mazy. Perhaps Bobby will be able to avenge his loss at One in the future, but his road back to the WCF World Title may just as well start here with Steeltoe Joe.
Gravedigger: It'll be a long time from now and a cold day in Hell before either of these two men unseat Natural "ICE" Beckman. That is if it's possible...
Gravedigger gets cut off, as the ominous cowbell of anarchy hits the PA system and the crowd jumps to its feet and begins to chant--
Crowd: BOBBY C! BOBBY C! BOBBY C!
"Killing in the Name" by Rage Against the Machine kicks into gear. A spotlight singles out "The Godfather of Professional Wrestling" Bobby Cairo as he makes his way through the crowd. The fans react with a loud cheer and chant even louder as Kyle Steel announces the arrival of Bobby Cairo--
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the MAIN EVENT! First competitor, coming to us from Poon Guinea and weighing in at 226 pounds! He is the proclaimed "GAWDFATHA OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING!" He is BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBY CAIRO!
The fans lose their minds, as they begin the chant...
Crowd: BOBBY C! BOBBY C! BOBBY C!
The "BO-LIEVE IN BOBBY CAIRO!" signs are out in full force as Bobby slaps hands with his supporters, gropes tits and asses, and generally makes a spectacle of himself while navigating his way through the audience. Cairo reaches the fan barrier, hops over it and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He climbs the turnbuckles and salutes the fans, soliciting another loud cheer, before hopping down and readying himself for the match.
Freddy Whoa: Try telling the fans that Bobby Cairo lost at One. Listen to this crowd.
Gravedigger: Morons, all of them!
Zach Davis: (under his breath) Takes a moron to know them, I imagine...
Gravedigger: What did you say, potential victim?
Zach Davis: And here comes Steeltoe Joe!
The Arena Goes Dark, the entrance and stage area start to flicker with neon blue and white lights as "Cells" by the Sevant begins to slowly play through the PA system. Fog fills the entrance area and Steeltoe Joe comes walking methodically to the beat of the music out of the midst of the fog. The fans are going nuts as Joe pumps his muscles, takes of his sunglasses to look around the arena to the masses of fans cheering and chanting his name. He puts his sun glasses back on and starts to walk down the ramp, as Kyle Steel announces the presence of Steeltoe Joe...
Again, the fans pop loud and heavy, as he makes his way to the ring steps and walks up them in a slow manner but then explodes through the ropes and climbs the turnbuckle facing the camera. He raises his arms in his presumed victory, points to Heaven and jumps off the turnbuckle to face Bobby Cairo.
Both men then move to the middle of the ring, as the referee gives both men instructions before the bout, as the commentary team continues their coverage...
Freddy Whoa: And Joe has been struggling a bit since he won an opportunity to face Beckman for the World Title. That includes a tag team loss to the Vapor Kings.
Gravedigger: Are you surprised? Because I was shocked with the Poondock Saints winning the Tag Titles from the Vapor Kings. And something tells me he will not miracle his way to a victory tonight, either. Bobby may be a bit self-inflated, but he earned the right to be just that.
Zach Davis: And there is the bell, and we are under way...
Both men circle each other, before locking up in the middle of the ring. With almost 50 pounds on Bobby, Joe easily moves Bobby to a corner, before Bobby reverses momentum and puts Joe in the corner. The referee calls for a break, and Bobby backs up, only for Joe to lock up with him and put him in the corner. Again, the referee breaks up the lock, and Joe releases the hold. Joe backs up and summons Bobby out of the corner, to which Bobby responds with a Yakuza Kick to the midsection of Joe, before following with a snap suplex in the middle of the ring. Cairo then tries to apply a cross arm-breaker, but Joe powers out of the move and strikes back with a throat chop, sending Bobby stumbling away from Joe. Joe regains his feet, then hits a disoriented Cairo with a scoop slam, before planting a leg drop on Cairo. Joe then pulls Cairo to his feet and lifts him up in a brainbuster, and holds the move for awhile...
Zach Davis: Looks as though Joe wants to try and put this match away early, as he holds Bobby up in a Stronghold Brainbuster...
Gravedigger: I've been there before, and the blood does indeed rush to the head. But whatever, I hope both of these assholes kill each other. Perhaps the end of this match might be a murder-suicide.
Freddy Whoa: Were you ever loved as a child? Because that might explain a ton of shit about you.
Joe goes to hit the brainbuster, before Cairo slips out of the hold and lands on his feet behind Joe, as Joe slams to the ground without Bobby Cairo. Bobby is quick to capitalize, as he slams a roundhouse kick into the side of Joe's head and follows that up with multiple elbow drops on Joe, as the crowd goes crazy over the two fan favorites in the ring. Cairo has control, as he picks Joe up off the ground and executes a gutwrench suplex. Bobby then gets to his feet, and raises his hands in assured victory, before motioning for his waist. As the camera zooms in, you can see that Bobby is mouthing some words that are barely audible...
Gravedigger: Already looking for another World Title shot. Silly bastard.
Freddy Whoa: Well, who else do you think should challenge for the strap if not Bobby?
Gravedigger: Honestly, there is nobody else in the WCF that could hold that title like ICE has for the past six months, with perhaps the exception of maybe Steve Orbit or Zombie McMorris.
Zach Davis: Of course, you have to pick all of the Vapor Kings. Bottom line is that Joe has earned his opportunity, and he went through practically three men in one night to do it. And that is not anything to shake a stick at.
Gravedigger: Then if not Joe or Bobby, then who else should step up for the World Title?
The announcers fall silent, as Bobby resumes his attack on Joe, who has had more than enough time to recover, as he slams a fist into the midsection of Bobby, before slamming his head into the face of Cairo. With Cairo dazed, Joe executes a belly to belly suplex, tossing Cairo like a rag doll to the ground, before he gets to his own feet and plays to the crowd himself, as Digger says...
Gravedigger: And that is why neither man will never be the World Champ now or ever again! They're playing with each other, when you just don't play around with the World Title!
Zach Davis: I have to agree with that statement. This kind of showboating and playing to the crowd does not win World Titles.
Gravedigger: And you would think that after facing ICE and losing so bad Bobby would've learned.
Freddy Whoa: And Joe is back on the attack...
Indeed. Joe picks up Bobby Cairo, and once again lifts Bobby into a Stronghold Brainbuster, and once again, he holds the position for several seconds, before slamming Cairo to the ground, as the crowd gives a decidedly mixed reaction over the devastating brainbuster that was executed on Cairo. Joe then signals for The Baptism, as Bobby struggles to regain his composure. Joe lifts up Bobby and gets him set up for The Baptism, until Bobby slams an elbow into the side of Joe's head, and scores a...
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Zach Davis: R-CAIRO OUT OF THE BAPTISM!
Gravedigger: And that is why Cairo is in the Hall of Fame! Excellent counter out of Baptism.
Zach Davis: Yeah, you know something about Baptism, right?
Gravedigger just shoots Davis a dirty look, as both men are slowly recovering from the devastating offense that they have thrown at each other. Both men use the ropes opposite of each other to get to their feet, as they look across the ring at each other, wary of what is coming next. The crowd begins to build noise, as the anticipation of these two clashing once again in the middle of the ring begins to rise with the noise level. Both men the meet in the middle of the ring, as both men begin to pound on each other, as both men seem content to throw out wrestling for a little bit. Joe gains the advantage, and picks Cairo up off the ground, slamming him into a turnbuckle, before once again tossing Cairo into the middle of the ring. Joe then climbs the turnbuckles closest to him, as he waits on Cairo to regain his feet...
Freddy Whoa: What's this?
Zach Davis: Looks like Joe's going high-risk. Something we rarely see out of him.
Gravedigger: Well, as you can tell, Cairo is tough to put away, and Joe is getting despearte. With any luck, Joe crashes and burns right here, and I can go home with a smile on my face.
As Cairo gets to his feet, he turns and sees Joe taking flight with a lariat waiting for Cairo. Cairo hits the deck, as Joe crashes to the ground, hitting nothing but air in the process. Again, a mixed crowd reaction, as Cairo regains his feet and waits for Joe to get to his feet, as he signals for the R-Cairo...
Gravedigger: Well, I called it! That move just ended Joe's chances for victory. All that's left now is... FUCK!
As Joe turns to see a waiting Cairo, Bobby goes for the R-Cairo, but Joe counters by shoving off Cairo, who hits the ground without Joe in tow. Joe follows up the miss by Cairo with a leg drop on Bobby, before he picks up Bobby and once again, sets up for Baptism. As Joe begins to spin with Cairo, Cairo suddenly manages to wrap himself around Joe in a crucifix, causing Joe to fall backwards into a pinning predicament. The referee counts...
The bell sounds, as Bobby gets to his feet and begins to celebrate, as Joe gets into a sitting position in the middle of the ring, as you can see the frustration build on his face.
Zach Davis: Cairo is victorious once again, but you've got to feel for Joe in a situation like this. He's the next challenger for the World Title...
Gravedigger: And he's getting his ass kicked left, right, and center! I LOVE IT!
Freddy Whoa: To be fair, Cairo pulled out that win out of nowhere. Some would say he got lucky.
Instead of Cairo's music playing... ICE Beckman's music hits. Cairo angrily glares towards the entryway, where ICE Beckman and Zombie McMorris step out.
Zach Davis: Here are the Vapor Kings!
Beckman and McMorris simply stands on the ramp. Beckman raises his World Title high in the air, eyes towards Steeltoe Joe and his former challenger. McMorris yells some coked up nonsense towards the Godfather of Professional Wrestling.
Gravedigger: I've just received word that we'll see Bobby Cairo and Zombie McMorris battle at Payback as well! What a show this is going to be!
Freddy Whoa: And we finally have Steeltoe Joe versus ICE Beckman... I can't wait! We're out of time, see you at Payback!
Slam fades to black as the Vapor Kings taunt Steeltoe Joe and Bobby Cairo, an angry Joe with fire in his eyes looking towards the World Championship.