As Drunk and Crazy by Mogwai ends, Master of Puppets begins.
Zach Davis: We start our show with the owner of the company, Seth Lerch!
Seth steps out... and he's got a forty of Steel Reserve in his hand. He's clearly drunk.
Gravedigger: That's my boy!
Freddy Whoa: Oh goodness.
Seth walks to the ring, albeit not in a straight line. He slides in and demands a mic.
Seth Lerch: Welcome.. to.. SLAAAAMMMM!
Mixed reaction from the crowd.
Seth Lerch: I'm here.. tonight.. for some announcements. And stuff.
More mixed reactions; they don't like their owner starting the show as a drunken mess.
Seth Lerch: Last week I announced some kind of tag tournament or something, I don't know. Either way, whoever wins tonight's two main event tag matches will face each other next week for the TAG! TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!
Pop for that!
Zach Davis: So, let me explain. The Hotdog Kings face the Chrono-Rippers while the Kings of Chaos challenge the Poondock Saints for the belts. Whichever teams win those two matches will face each other for the belts next week.
Seth Lerch: That said... the Vapor Kings never did get a rematch for their belts, now did they?
Brief pop for the Vapor Kings.
Seth Lerch: Steve Orbit hasn't been returning my calls, so he won't be available. So, at Timebomb, the Vapor Kings team of Zombie McMorris... AND ICE BECKMAN... will challenge for the Tag Team Titles!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Zach Davis: ICE Beckman, the World Champion, is going to fight for the Tag Team Titles?! Wow.
Seth Lerch: That said... this is a PPV. The World Title has gotta be on the line too. So not only will the Tag Titles be on the line, but the World Championship will be on the line too!
Another huge pop!
Gravedigger: HUGE stakes for tonight's Tag Team matches. Whoever of these four teams come out as the Tag Team Champions... they'll get a shot at the World Title!
The fans buzz before Seth.. who is buzzed.. continues.
Seth Lerch: From the Tag Team Champions team, whichever person gets the pin or submission from the Vapor Kings would get the Championship. And if either Beckman or McMorris wins, they, of course, become the Tag Team Champions. At Timebomb it will be winner takes all.
Freddy Whoa: What a match!
Seth Lerch: And speaking of Timebomb... once again, the Trilogy Cup Tournament will continue. For those of you that don't know, the Trilogy Cup Tournament is a tournament that goes from Timebomb to Aftermath. From February to April. The tournament happens only at each PPV - Timebomb, Explosion, and Aftermath. The winner of that tournament, of course, will get a World Title match at Asesinato De Mayo in May!
Seth Lerch: At Timebomb, we will have FIVE Trilogy Cup Tournament matches. Four for the actual tournament, and one "wildcard" match - where the winner of that match will have the option to enter in the tournament at any other level if someone else gets injured or drops out. And-
Seth passes out.
Zach Davis: Uh, well that was abrupt.
Gravedigger: Doesn't matter, here come medics. That said, we've got our Timebomb main event, AND five other matches! Who will compete in this year's Trilogy Cup Tournament!?
Freddy Whoa: I'm sure we'll find out soon!
Kyle Steel: This match is scheduled for one fall…and it is for the Television Title…
"I Like to Move It" by Reel 2 Reel plays over the sound system. Tyler Walker emerges from the back with white pyros at the entrance. He's wearing his black and gold letterman jacket with "TW" embroidered in the front, "TY WALKER" on the back. He's also wearing black shades, a white tank top and his black shorts with "TW" written around the belt line. Black boots and has his wrists taped.
Kyle Steel: Introducing the challenger; from Santa Monica, California weighing in at 275lbs…He is one half of Biowalker…Tyler Walker!!
Freddy Whoa: Well it’s that time of week again. It’s Biowalker time!
Zach Davis: The freakin circus never fails to turn up does it?
Gravedigger: I could get ten deep in a pack of beer, tie one hand behind my back and still beat both these idiots.
He slowly makes his way to the ring with a cocky smile on his face, bobbing his head to his music as he ignores the fans. When he hits the ring, he climbs on the apron, drops his jacket to ringside, and does a few body builder poses, as more white pyros blast off. He enters the ring through the ropes and removes his tank top and shades, throwing them to ringside before getting ready to fight.
Kyle Steel: And his partner; from Mexico City…weighing in at 210lbs…Biohazard!!
Freddy Whoa: And the flipside to the coin…
Zach Davis: Ah the guy’s a fan favourite!! Especially amongst the juvenile infants.
Gravedigger: He is actually terrible. Worst in the fed. Biowanker. Ha! Bi-o-wan-ker! Let’s get a chant going.
Breakdown by biohazard plays and biohazard comes out and walks to the ring as yellow and purple lights flash. Biohazard climbs into the ring and starts warming up with Tyler in the corner waiting for Joey Flash.
Periphery – Mile Zero hits across the PA system. The arena lights dim as the crowd buzz begins to build to fever pitch. The music begins and lingers for a moment before Joey Flash in all his glory emerges from behind the curtain staring at the crowd. He floats regally down the aisle bathing in the atmosphere and stopping to shake the hand of anyone who desires it.
Kyle Steel: And their opponent; from the Bronx, New York…weighing in at 220lbs…he is the UNDEFEATED Television Title Champion…Joey Flash!!
Freddy Whoa: Joey is being fed more mediocrity than tramps at a soup kitchen recently.
Zach Davis: I hope that dick loses. Did you know for the time he took over on commentary during the Battle Royal I didn’t get paid?! Fuck!
Gravedigger: You’ll withdraw from the bank of GRAVEDIGGERS FIST IN YOUR FACE if you don’t shut the fuck up.
He circles the ring not once, but twice. Delaying his entrance and the match even further riling the crowd before sliding into the ring and sitting down in one of the ring corners staring at his future foe with both apathy and disgust.
The referee holds the belt aloft and hands it to an official
Freddy Whoa: As you obviously know this is for the television title. Whichever one of Tyler or Biohazard pins Joey will become our new TV Champion!!
Zach Davis: Which ya know, is obviously going to happen
Gravedigger: Joey must be going easy on them. If he was actually trying he’d have won by now.
Biohazard leaves the ring and sprints up the ramp, across the stage and disappears out back. Joey turns around and holds his arms out. Tyler runs up to him and rolls him up from behind in a schoolboy pin. The ref drops
Freddy Whoa: What the….
Zach Davis: Where’s Biohazard…?
Gravedigger: That was hilarious!! Is he stabbing his best friend in the back once more?
Tyler releases Joey and stomps him whilst he is still down. He lifts him to his feet, bounces him off the ropes and powerslams him to the mat. Another cover…
Tyler doesn’t take time to breathe though and leaps up onto the turnbuckle, before quickly landing an elbow drop on the Champ. He covers again!
Freddy Whoa: Well this is unexpected.
Zach Davis: Is it? Joey’s bad day is finally here.
Gravedigger: Joey’s just having a little fun. I bet he’s seeing how close he can get to losing without actually losing.
Tyler gets up and lifts Joey up with him, before powerbombing him to the mat…another cover…
Zach Davis: This is it!! We have a new champi-
Zach Davis: Damn it!!
Gravedigger: Love it!
Freddy Whoa: Joey hasn’t even had a chance to throw a punch yet. Where the hell is Biohazard?
Tyler punches the mat and runs to the ropes. He bounces off them and hits Joey with a running knee as he tries to get up. He covers yet again…
Freddy Whoa: Okay yeah I think Joey is taking the piss now
Tyler gets off him and again bounces off the ropes, but this time is stopped in his tracks by a Lightning Bolt by Joey!!
Freddy Whoa: And that’s the end of that.
Zach Davis: Fucking Joey Flash!!
Gravedigger: Fucking Joey Flash, get in.
Joey doesn’t pin him though. Instead he just sits in the corner. As soon as Tyler eventually shakes it off and gets to his feet Joey gets up and hits him with another Lightning Bolt. He flops to the ground and Joey sits in the turnbuckle again.
Freddy Whoa: This is the most unusual match I’ve ever witnessed
Zach Davis: It’s probably the least competitive I’ve ever witnessed
Gravedigger: Yet one of the funniest I’ve ever witnessed
Tyler Walker wearily and unsteadily gets to his feet again and….BANG! Another Lightning Bolt by Joey. He sits back down and just laughs at Tyler. He gets to his feet and holds an outstretched index finger to Gravedigger who responds with a thumbs up.
Joey Flash: One more cocksucker
Tyler gets up and Joey hits him with one last Lightning Bolt…however the ref is hit in the face by a flailing leg of Tyler and is knocked clean out. Joey doesn’t realise and covers Tyler.
Freddy Whoa: One…Two…Three. Well that’s it. But we have no referee!!
Zach Davis: Ha! Good
Gravedigger: Get me a ref shirt quick!!
Joey gets up and we see him mouth “for fuck sake”. He steps away from Tyler and looks up at the ramp, motioning for another ref to come down. There is a long wait and the crowd cheer Joey’s poor fortune.
Freddy Whoa: What’s going on back there?
Tyler rolls out of the ring and grabs a steel chair from under the ring. He rolls back in and smashes it around Joey’s skull. He slumps to the mat. He repeatedly smacks him with the chair. The crowd cheering with each blow. It isn’t long before the chair has a nice wash of blood on it. He throws the chair down and leaves the ring, throwing some steel steps into the ring with a great clatter. He re-enters and positions Joey’s head on the top step. He takes the chair and unfolds it slightly so he can fit Joey’s head in the gap between the back and the seat. He leaves the ring again and grabs another set of steel steps, which he throws into the ring. He re-enters and picks up the steps which he hammers down onto the chair, crushing Joey’s head causing his body to spasm.
We hear copious cheers as another referee runs down the ramp. He is wearing a very thin and realistic looking facemask.
Freddy Whoa: It’s another ref!! Holy Shit Joey’s streak is gonna end!!
Zach Davis: COME ON TYLER!! COVER HIM!! PIN HIM!!!
Gravedigger: NO!! IT’S A FUCKING DQ!! HE USED THE CHAIR REF!!
The referee drops as Tyler covers him
Freddy Whoa: Oh my word it’s over!! He’s finally lost!!
Zach Davis: YES!! COME ON!!! HAHA!!!
The referee then gets up and climbs the turnbuckle, lifting one hand in the air, he dives off it with a somersault and whilst he is in midair, Joey gets a shoulder up. The ref lands and slams his hand to the mat as he does, shouting “three!”. He gets up and calls for the bell which doesn’t ring. He doesn’t realise this and rips off off the mask revealing himself as Biohazard. He grabs Tyler and starts jumping up and down in celebratory ‘best friends’ dance.
Zach Davis: NO!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
Tyler Walker is absolutely fucking livid
Freddy Whoa: The ref was Biohazard?! But…oh my word what an absolute disaster…
Zach Davis: I don’t fucking believe it
Gravedigger: This is absolutely majestic!! Hahahahah!!
Another referee enters the ring and confronts Biohazard who quickly takes his ref top off. Meanwhile Joey has got up and sat in hysterics in the corner of the ring. Biohazard climbs over the ropes in the opposite corner. Tyler backs up and is tagged in by his partner in crime, much to Tyler’s disdain and protest. Biohazard runs at Joey, who just floors him with a Sudden Flash. Tyler Walker simply watches as all his hard work is gone in a...flash
Joey smiles widely at Tyler as he covers his partner. The ref drops.
Kyle Steel: Here is your winner and STILL the WCF Television Champion...Joey Flash!!
Freddy Whoa: Well I’ve never seen a more confusing match like that in my life. What the fuck just happened?
Zach Davis: Fuck off.
Zach picks up a paper cup and throws it angrily. Followed by a pen, a folder, a ream of paper, Freddy’s glasses, a microphone and finally his chair.
Zach Davis: Fuck off cup. Fuck off pen. Fuck off folder. Fuck off paper. Fuck off glasses. Fuck off microphone. And fuck off CHAIR.
Gravedigger: Fuck off Zach.
“Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen begins to play, as the fans pop loudly as “Gonzo” Deuce Murdock comes out to the arena, belt in one hand, cane in the other, as he makes his way slowly to the ring. He is wearing a boot on his good foot, indicating an injury to his leg.
Gravedigger: I thought he was died after Payback. Didn’t expect to see him again.
Zach Davis: You expected the U.S. Champ to just disappear? You are sadly mistaken, sir! And thank God! Deuce Murdock is here to address the fans.
Freddy Whoa: I got a question. Where is Eric Price?
Gravedigger: Who cares? I’m going to take a nap. He’s taking forever to get into the ring…
Once he gets to the ring, he walks up the steps of the ring and climbs carefully through the ropes. He calls for the end of the music with a hand gesture, before he says…
Deuce Murdock: Normally, I’d be back there pranking the Vapor Kings, or out here doing some silly or violent shit instead of coming out to the ring like a diva and bitching about what is wrong with everyone else, like Jayson Price…
The crowd rains down boos at the mere mention of Jayson Price. Seems like nobody likes that guy. Deuce shakes his head and says…
Deuce Murdock: Anyways, that isn’t usually my way, but I feel as if I owe a few people an apology for my performance at Payback. So first and foremost, I would like to apologize to the fans for breaking out my “D” game. I have no real excuse for that performance. It was fucking horrible…
Cheers come from the crowd, cutting him off mid-sentence, before they go with…
Fans: WE FORGIVE YOU! WE FORGIVE YOU!
Gravedigger: I don’t forgive him.
Freddy Whoa: Who cares what you do?
Deuce Murdock: I’m flattered. I really am. Once this boot comes off, I intend to follow through on my threat to the WCF, and I will defend this title on a very regular basis.
However, my next apology will probably go over like smoking in the boys room does, but I’ve got a few words for the same gentleman that I faced at Payback, Jay Omega…
The crowd pops loudly for Jay Omega, as Murdock waits for it to simmer down before continuing.
Deuce Murdock: At Helloween, you disappointed me, and I hurt you bad. Then I commenced to talking so much shit about The Pack. Times are different now, as The Pack seem to be no more these days. Oh sure, Chelsea and Jay are tagging tonight, but what does that REALLY mean?
Regardless of The Pack, I owe Jay Omega an apology for not giving him my absolute best. I could come up with a few excuses and reasons for why I looked like utter crap on Sunday, but why bother? If anything, we’re even, though I do have one question for you…
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT PIN ME?!?!?!
I was done, son! I was loaded into the barrel, and ready to be fired out and splattered on the side of a wall! But you roll me out of the ring? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT?! WHAT IS THIS, THE TELEVISION TITLE? You GOTTA answer this question for me, Jay. What the hell was going through your head? Do you NOT want the title back? Because after that last match, I sure as fuck don’t deserve it! Jay, get your ass out here, we need to talk about this shit…
Murdock then puts the microphone in his jacket pocket, as he awaits for Jay to respond to his question. The wait isn't long before the arena lights cut out.
Gravedigger: Did we forget to pay the--
Zach Davis: Every time. Please, let that so-called joke rest in peace.
The lights come back on a moment later, and Deuce is still alone in the ring. However, dangling from a steel cable three feet above Murdock's head is Jay Omega, microphone in hand. Unable to see Jay, Deuce quickly checks behind him, then warily looks around as if expecting an ambush.
Jay Omega: Well this is embarrassing. Hey Deuce! Look up, up, waaaay up! Hi!
Murdock looks up to see Omega waving at him, and a number of expressions cross Deuce's face, all of them confusion.
Jay Omega: Yeah, I was gonna do the whole "appear in the ring" thing, but we appear to be experiencing technical difficulties. I think I can make it from here, though. Here, hold this.
Jay tosses his mic down at Murdock, who deftly catches it more out of reflex than anything. Omega then reaches up to take hold of the cable with one hang to gain some slack, and unhooks the harness he's wearing from the cable itself. Once free, Jay releases the cable to drop nearly ten feet to the ring; rolling with the impact to avoid injury. Omega comes right to his feet, and Deuce tosses his mic back to him.
Jay Omega: Now, by my count, that was five questions you asked me, not one, so I'll answer them all, and you can pick which ever one you like best. Let's see, first was "Why the eff-bomb did you not pin me?" An excellent question, Dr. Phil. And it ties nicely with two of your other questions; "What the Baator was going through your head?" and "Do you not want the title back?" I'll answer all of them together, by explaining what was going through my head.
Zach Davis: This ought to be... interesting, to say the least.
Omega takes a deep breath before he continues.
Jay Omega: So there we were, one week ago; duking it out, going toe to toe. We both scrapped hard, but I just fought harda; kicked your ass down like "this is Sparta!" I had your ass beat, and I had the match won. But I didn't want your gold 'cause it'd spoil my fun. If I'd've taken the pin, then I'd've taken the belt, and then I would've been stuck in that Midcard Hell. That just ain't for me; Homie don't play dat. I'm climbing the mountain, 'cause the top's where it's at. Anyone here who saw us fight'll tell you straight up that I won that title. But I devised a plan while you were sleepin' that would let me win, but let you keep it. Being champion's great, but this one's not for me. See, I just can't settle for belt number three. I put them butts in the seats, front and center. Keep your midcard title, I'm a main eventer. The people just love The Omega Man; I bring the ruckus to the suckas like no one else can. So now you know what was on my mind, but don't ask me why I had to make it rhyme.
Freddy Whoa: He actually had some pretty good rhythm.
Jay Omega: But wait! There's more!
Gravedigger: Oh fuck me.
Jay Omega: I still have two more questions to answer. Unfortunately for the wannabe-gangsta demographic I just appealed to, this bit doesn't rhyme. You also asked whether or not this was the Television title, to which I say, I sure as Hell hope not, otherwise, I'd be a bit more indignant. To even be thought of in the same category as John Gable... well, it doesn't give me a pleasant feeling, I can tell you that. And as for your final question, which wasn't really your final question but is the one I'm going to answer last, "What the fuck is this shit?" Well, I believe, since we've just conclusively proven that it's not the Television Championship, I would say that would be the United States title belt. And you wear it well, by the way. Now, was there anything else, or can I go back to looking for Waldo? He's a particularly tricksome bastard, I tell you h-what.
Gonzo just shakes his head in the ring, as he says...
Deuce Murdock: Appreciate the kind words about the belt being on me, but I could care less how this belt looks on me. I mean to defend it, and defend it right. And that is why I propose Last Man Standing...
The crowd pops, as the announcers go nuts...
Deuce Murdock: At Timebomb! YOU AND ME! TITLE ON THE LINE!
Zach Davis: Gonzo has just put the U.S. Title on the line against Jay Omega in a Last Man Standing match!
Gravedigger: Take it, you idiot! Make him regret ever saying those words!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! He crazy! He just got his ass kicked by this man, and he wants MORE?
Zach Davis: He must be a glutton for punishment.
Gravedigger: Well here's Jay with the response. Hope he doesn't blow this gift...
Omega scratches his head as he paces back and forth, waiting for the crowd to die down. Finally, he pushes his mask up off his face, and gives Murdock a look that conveys both confusion and eagerness.
Jay Omega: Is the mask muffling my words? Maybe you can't hear, you got something in your ear? No? I'm gonna make this perfectly clear; I. Do. NOT. Want. That. Belt.
Gravedigger: He really IS retarded. Why would he turn down a chance to kick Murdock's ass again, AND reclaim the United States Championship?
Jay Omega: Was my impromptu rap not plain-spoken enough for you? There's only one thing The Omega Man loves more than being in the spotlight, and that's an epic battle in the spotlight. I'm not going to get the epic battles I want if I'm stuck defending that belt against up-and-comers; I have no interest in being King of the Midcard. I'm on a fast track to the main event, and the U.S. title would just hold me back. But having said all that, I don't want you to feel like I'm intentionally trying to slight you. No, I'll give credit where it's due, and you're a prolific pugilist. You say we're even? That don't fly with me. You want to throw down at Timebomb, you got it--
The crowd lets out a massive pop at the proclamation. Omega soaks it in for a moment, then motions for quiet.
Jay Omega: But it won't be for the title. Oh, you can put it on the line, but I will refuse to accept it when I win. Now, I have a match to prepare for, so I shall take my leave. But before I go, Boy George, I have a question for YOU: How's your pride doin'?
Zach Davis: A bit of a verbal low blow there.
Gravedigger: Pity it wasn't a real one.
Deuce Murdock looks at Jay Omega unphased, as he leans forward on his cane, saying...
Deuce Murdock: My pride must be doing better than your pride was doing back in November, back when you were lying on that hospital bed, plotting your revenge, or else you wouldn't be asking me such an absurd question. Then again, look at who I'm talking to. Just remember this, pride hurt or not, I can still break your damn leg. I did it once, and I can do it again. But let's not go that far. Not yet, anyways...
Jerusalem begins playing over the loud speakers and Reginald Dampshaw III's entrance video comes up on the jumbotron. Halfway through the video, however, Reginald bursts through the curtain, holding a microphone in his hand and he interrupts his own entrance.
Reginald Dampshaw III: Shut it off! Shut it off! Someone tell the inbred baboons in the sound truck to turn the bloody music off!
The audience begins booing Reginald, wondering how he has the audacity to interrupt his own entrance.
Reginald Dampshaw III: I want to know who the putrid swine is that booked me in a ten person tag match. I do not team with anyone. I am superior to everyone in this building. Look at me! Look at how I dress! Listen to how I talk! Who could possibly be on the same level as I in this ring?
At this point, the audience is showering Dampshaw with boos, hating his undeserved cockiness. He hasn't proved anything to these people and he comes out acting like he is the greatest.
Reginald Dampshaw III: Allow me, you seines, to go through my "team". First, Dylan Thomas...you disrespect the great Irish poet by calling yourself by the same name, you pillock. Hadrian Salazar? I know nothing of you, but you sound like you come from some wretched sand-country so maybe you can fight after all. But you can be trusted. Mikey eXtreme? First of all, "Mikey" is not a real name, Michael. Secondly, you don't even know how to spell correctly, so you're worthless to me. And last, but not least...Sin...I was told by my butler Crichton Merriweather that you're a woman Sin. Now, I'm a gentleman by default, but by no means do I believe it is right for a woman to fight in a man's sport.
The boos come louder, but it is audible that the majority of the vitriol is coming from women.
Reginald Dampshaw III: Shut your mouths! I will not fight alongside a woman. I just will not. Either this match gets changed or there will be hell to pay. Until then...Good day...
Reginald turns around with his head in the air and walks back through the curtain as boos rain down on him.
Everyone else comes into the match. Mikey eXtreme starts, as does Ruff Crossing. Crossing runs at him...
Zach Davis: SUPERKICK!
X MARKS THE SPOT!
Mikey pins him.
One. Two. Three.
In comes Steve Saint. Who runs RIGHT INTO A SUPERKICK!
One. Two. Three.
In comes Justin Courage, who runs right into a Superkick.
ONE. TWO. THREE.
Next is Tara Ravensblood. The last person on the team as Elliott Ness never showed up, nor did Reginald Dampshaw III. Mikey eXtreme hits ... HIS SUPERKICK!
NO! TARA KICKS OUT!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!?
Mikey quickly lifts Tara up and hits his Reverse Chokeslam into Facebuster.
Zach Davis: XPLOSION!
Mikey pins Tara, hooking the leg.
Freddy Whoa: MIKEY EXPLOSION WINS FOR HIS WHOLE TEAM!
The bell sounds as Mikey gets his arm raised.
Gravedigger: Whoa!, Freddy. Whoa. You're not the only one that can say that.
Freddy Whoa: ...fine.
Mikey eXtreme gets his arm raised as this "tag match" fades to commercial.
FEMALE VOICE: A new day of Darkness is Dawning.
A tall black woman enters through the curtain wearing a skin tight red dress.
Zach Davis: Who is this woman?
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! I don’t know but I’d like to get me a piece of that.
Woman: Now, now, I know you like what you see, but I’m only the preview. I’m here to formally announce to everyone here on the WCF roster that shit is going to become real around here. And of course by real I mean as fucked up as you could possibly imagine. I represent the newest signing of the WCF. Unfortunately due to his ridiculously busy schedule he will not be here today but rest assured that when he does finally come shit is going to go down.
Zach Davis: I’ve heard of this guy. He’s been working his way through the Indy’s and now we’ve got him.
Freddy Whoa: Is this the guy who looks like a clown?
Zach Davis: I wouldn’t tell him that, last person who said that ended up in the hospital I heard.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Welcome back to an explosive edition of Sunday Night Slam!
Zach Davis: We're coming you to live tonight from Memphis, Tennessee!
The arena dims as a spotlight shines on the stage, leaving the rest of the arena in complete darkness, and then all of a sudden a lightning bolt strikes the stage as gold sparks begin to reign from the titantron down in front of the entrance curtain and onto the stage. "Thunderstruck" by AC/DC blares through out the arena over the PA System. The crowd erupts with thunderous cheers.
Kyle Steel: “Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 235 pounds, hailing from Knoxville, Tennessee, The Lightning Striker, The Zenith of Zero Gravity, JJJAYYDEN TTHHUNNDERRR!”
Crowd: THUN-DER! THUN-DER! THUN-DER
Jayden then appears from behind the curtain and emerges from the sparks. He casually walks down the ramp, high-fiving members of the WCF Loyal. He walks towards the ring and simply rolls in. As he reaches the center of the ring he flawlessly stands to attention and performs his signature taunt. He then stands beside the ropes, looking out to those in attendance.
Zach Davis: Jayden's a Tennessee local, so you know this crowd has to be behind their hometown guy!
Gravedigger: You know how these people out of Tennessee are...bunch of damn...what's the word I'm looking for?
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
The opening bars of I'm not Like Everybody Else by the Kinks begins and Alex Richards walks towards the ring with a huge smile on his smile. He holds his doctor's bag in one hand and with the other he takes turns slapping hands, hugging, signing autographs, high fiving, and occasionally delivering a more good natured then used to hard slap to a fan's hand. He wears his rusty bed spring, or as he calls it hardcore title over his shoulder as a memorial to the days he was champion.
Announcer: On the way to the ring!... weighing in at 345 pounds and hailing from anyplace that needs pain, suffering, pills, or Zima!... "The Archduke of Mass Confusion" Alex Richards!!!
Alex eventually enters the ring after killing a few good minutes amusing himself.
Zach Davis: It's The Archduke! Alex Richards is back everybody!
Freddy Whoa: Jayden and Alex are both veterans of the WCF locker room, and both are looking to come back in a big way!
Zach Davis: You can't help but lean towards Richards on this one...I mean, he's got the experience and the more decorated trophy room...
Gravedigger: That box he had behind the arena? I think that thing had a cat's dead body, a cup of urine, and half a ham sandwich. I couldn't tell if he was doing some kind of ritual or having dinner.
Jayden begins to size Richards up while the latter starts messing with something near the turnbuckle. He turns around as his music begins to fade out.
Zach Davis: Alex may have the experience...but Jayden's coming off a huge loss at Payback...he's yearning to make something of his return, and knocking the former Hardcore Champion off might just cement that spot!
Freddy Whoa: Well let's find out as this match kicks off!
The referee calls for the bell and the match begins.
Zach Davis: Alex and Jayden lock up!
But Alex breaks it up with a quick knee to the gut! Irish whip to the turnbuckle and Alex nails him with a quick lariat in the corner! Jayden bounds off and Alex gives him a quick hip toss!
Zach Davis: Jayden slaps the canvas and Alex gains control!
Freddy Whoa: Jayden needs to get his head screwed on straight!
Gravedigger: Yeah, good luck with that!
Alex lifts an already recovering Jayden to his feet...and Jayden knocks him back with a swift uppercut! Alex bounds back and Jayden jumps up and plants him with a dropkick! Alex bounces off the ropes and Jayden dropkicks him again. Alex leans against the ropes as Jayden bounces off the opposite ropes and comes back with a explosive crossbody!!!
Crowd: Thunderstruck! Thunderstruck! Thunderstruck!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! This crowd isn't split at all! They're the Tennessee faithful!
Gravedigger: Do it Alex, crush their home state hero!
Zach Davis: Come on Digger! Jayden just came back with some hot fire!
Jayden whips Alex to the ropes...but Alex reverses and sends Jayden into the ropes instead. Jayden comes back and eats a big boot from Alex. As Jayden hits the ground, Alex kicks him in the ribs to boot and drops down on to him with a hard elbow!
Alex holds his hands up in some sort of victory gesture.
Freddy Whoa: Wh...wut?
Gravedigger: At least he thinks the crowd is cheering for him...blissfully unaware!
Zach Davis: Thr Archduke of Mass Confusion strikes again!
Alex lifts Jayden to his feet and slams him into the turnbuckle then lifts him up in a military press!...but Jayden kicks his legs around and makes him lose balance. He socks Alex in the side of the head and Alex drops Jayden...
Zach Davis: Jayden lands on his feet!
Jayden begins planting kicks into the small of Alex's back, making Alex cringe with each one...but also mysteriously smile with delight...
Gravedigger: What the hell is the matter with that freak?
Jayden kicks Alex in the back of the leg and he drops to his knees. Jayden uses the positioning to his advantage and drops Alex with an enziguri! He hooks his leg for pin.
Alex shoulders out and knocks Jayden off in the process. Jayden and Alex stand to their feet, battling it out with left and rights. Alex goes for a chop to the throat!
Zach Davis: Jayden ducks it!...
Freddy Whoa: Jayden goes for the roundhouse!...
Zach Davis: Alex catches his foot and pushes him away!...
Freddy Whoa: ...but Jayden comes back with an explosive dropkick!!!
Alex bounds back into the turnbuckle and Jayden flies at him with a plancha splash!...
Zach Davis: Alex reverses with a mssive STO!!!
Jayden hits the mat and Alex hooks his leg.
Jayden gets his foot up on the rope!
Gravedigger: What a weak move! Kick out of the pin like a man!
Zach Davis: That was a smart move by Thunder!
Alex climbs to his feet and Jayden follows suit. They start to battle towards the center of the ring and Alex catches Jayden with a hard right!
Zach Davis: Alex regains control of this match after that hard drop to the canvas!
Freddy Whoa: Jayden needs to recuperate and gather some momentum if he wants to come back...
Alex lifts Jayden up and strings him up between the top and middle rope. He starts to club away at Jayden's chest as the crowd boos away! Alex slings Jayden off the ropes and lifts him up to his knees. Alex then reaches down and clenches Jayden's neck! Jayden struggles to break of the hold!
Zach Davis: He's got to get to the ropes!
Freddy Whoa: He's reaching...
Jayden stands to his feet and nails Alex in the face with a headbutt. Alex's head explodes backwards and blood instantly sprays across the ring! The referee tries to check on Alex, but he thrusts him away and goes after Jayden again...but Jayden jits him with a discus lariat. Alex stumbles back and Jayden springboards off the ropes with a DDT! Alex hits the mat and Jayden goes for the cover.
Zach Davis: No! Shoulder up!
Alex climbs to his feet, using the ropes as an aid as blood spills out of his nose. Jayden goes after Alex, hitting him hard with chest slaps!
The crowd "WHOAS!" with each chest slap. Jayden whips Alex into the turnbuckle and nails him with a dropkick. Alex bounces off the ropes and comes back with a springboard hurricanrana...but Alex uses his bulk to stay on his feet. He lifts Jayden back up and plants him into the turnbuckle with a powerbomb!
Zach Davis: OH LAWD WILLY!!!
Freddy Whoa: You know that shit hurt!
Jayden comes stumbling towards Alex holding his neck and Alex lifts him off his feet!
Zach Davis: He's setting it up...
Freddy Whoa: FINAL ENLIGHTENMENT!!!
Gravedigger: Jayden hits the mat!
Alex goes for the cover.
Zach Davis: He did it! Richards wins!
Alex begins to celebrate to a chorus of boos with a look of confusion on his face. Why you Hate Me? The look asks.
Freddy Whoa: The crowd isn't happy that Alex laid out there hometown hero!
Gravedigger: They better get used to it! Alex wins his first match back here in Tennessee!
The referee checks on a recovering Jayden Thunder as Alex continues to celebrate in the ring.
Backstage, we see Chelsea Armstrong as she walks toward the camera down one of the innumerable halls of the FedEx Forum, Cruiserweight Championship fastened around her trim waist, and a six-pack of Whoop Ass beer dangling casually from her right hand. Chelsea stops a few feet from the camera, and opens the door to her left. The camera moves to get a shot of the room's interior over her shoulder, where Jay Omega and Alex Richards, both dressed for competition, are sitting at opposite ends of a plush leather couch watching Slam on a wall-mounted flatscreen. Chelsea stands in the doorway, and raps her knuckles against the door twice to get the men's attention, then holds up the six-pack.
Jay Omega: Hail, hail, the gang's all here!
Alex Richards: Blue Lady! Is that Whoop Ass?
Chelsea Armstrong: Hey guys, long time no see. And yes it is, Alex; ICE gave it to me as a good luck gift for tonight.
Jay Omega: If it's meant to be good luck, he should have given it to Backwoods Lovin'; they'll need all the help they can get.
Chelsea laughs as she steps into the room, closing the door behind her. The last thing we see before the camera cuts away is the nameplate on the door: The Pack.
We get to the show and the lights go out for a moment till the stage explodes with light and The burden of being wonderful starts blasting over the sound system as Marco struts out onto the stage causing the fans to go ballistic with cheers... He stands there a moment waving to the fans and dancing to the music before strutting down the ramp clapping hands with the fans at ringside before rolling into the ring which has the typical love pad set of leather armchairs and giant lava lamps in the corners with the table holding the microphones and a decanter of brandy with two glasses next to it... Marco takes a moment to hype up the crowd and dance a little before walking over to the table and taking one of the microphones raising it to his lips...
Marco Valintine: Welcome everyone to the next edition of the Looove pad... You are here with your host The messiah of manliness, The doctor of definition, The sultan of sexual, The human temple of perfection, The emperor of epicness, The Senator of Sexiness, The Incarnation of Incredible, The ambassador of awesome, The titan of titillation, the embodiment of exceptional, the host with the most and The Quintessential Ladies Man Marco...
The fans fall silent a moment as Marco strikes a pose and takes a deep breath before bringing his microphone to his lips..
Marco Valintine: I wish she was a doughnut to get eaten every day… To stick on my fingers In a most delightful way…I wish I was a doughnut Sugar coated just for fun, full and round for easy grip And a shaft to put her tongue... I wish I was a doughnut long and filled with custard cream, delicious on the taste buds for her a succulent silken dream for her to dribble the filling down her chin and for me to stuff her muffin…Valintine…
He strikes another pose as he finishes and the fans start chanting his name...
Marco Valintine: Now everyone we have another epic filled show for you all tonight with our very next guest... He is one half of the WCF tag team champions of the world the Poondock saints THIS IS.... KAZZ.... MAAAAAAAAZZYYYYYY....
Heavy guitar distortion cuts through the arena as all the lights shut off, minus a gaggle of blue and green on the stage. They all aim at the tron which is showing an unorthodox entrance video. It shows WCF Superstar Kaz Mazy performing daring feats all in Super Nintendo fighting game graphics ala Mortal Kombat.
"2nd Sucks" by A Day To Remember starts blaring as lights explode throughout the arena and the words growl sending a shiver up every collective spine in attendance. The battle cry makes men sprout thick and poons wet. Every child in attendance grows hair on their chest and they reach for the nearest bong and start tokin' up!
Spotlights center on one of the entrances in the crowd where Kaz stands, kendo holstered to his back, Tag Team Championship around his waist, and Bolts Quackenbush waving that Old Glory PG Flag with the Ham' n' Sick' and the Fitty Stars and Thickteen Bars.
Zach Davis: It's Kaz Mazy!
Freddy Whoa: The only thing that would make this entrance thicker is titties being motorboated!
As if on cue, Bolts motorboats the baddest set of titties in attendance on that instant transmission shit as Kaz starts making his way down the steps, throwing his hands in the air with each cry of his name.
Crowd: KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ!
Zach Davis: The Kaz Movement has begun! Can anybody stop it?
Freddy Whoa: Naw dude. I don't think so.
Kaz leaps the barricade and slides into the ring. He taunts to the crowd from the second rope and they explode in Kaz cheers once again.
Crowd: KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ! KAZ!
Marco Valintine: Hello and welcome Kaz to the Love pad please take a seat and a drink if you so wish...
Kaz takes a seat next to Marco.
Kaz: I brought my own actually! haha! (Kaz holds up a bottle of Poonglorious Whiskey) Thanks for having me Marco. Sick thing you got going here...Smells like uh...sloppy thirds in here, haha.
Studio laughter and shit. Marco laughs and then continues the interview.
Marco Valintine: Now then dude first of all i gotta say commiserations on the loss this Sunday dude, how do you feel about how that loss went down while facing off against two other people...
Kaz: Well, I don't want to take anything away from what Dune did. He came in, beat ass as well as he slang shit, and walked out with the Internet Championship. I know how it feels to walk out with that belt around your waist, and I know Dune is feeling the same thing. He may say he doesn't care, but deep down he's happier than a pig rolling in shit, and I couldn't be happier for him...but there is something he needs to take very carefully into consideration: he didn't pin Kaz Mazy's shoulders to the mat. I'm not saying he took the easier route in pinning Fenix, but I am heavily...hea-vi-ly implying it. Let's just say I may be challenging him for that Internet Championship sometime in the future, and the outcome will be very different.
Marco Valintine: I know how that feels dude its a major downer, to get to something more positive though man lets talk about your Tag title win with the hella awesome Bobby Cairo...
Kaz: Ah, hell yeah! Nobody ever wants to talk about it. Everyone just wants to talk shit about it.
Marco Valintine: So what brought upon the hella awesome name The Poondock saints?
Kaz: Well, I know what everyone thinks, or at least what Orbit thinks...that we completely jacked the name from that totally awesome movie with those two Irish blokes, but actually...it's a namesake...like, a reminder of where we come from and what we could go back to. When I was kid, my mom was steadily going insane and my father...well, he may or may not be a Loa deity, but never the less, he wasn't around...at all...so I grew up taking care of myself. People around here, they think because they had it tough when they were a kid, it makes them something special in the WCF. You hear it all the time, almost every day around these parts. Well, news flash dudes...we all had a tough time! Cairo and I came together to offer up a little something different. We aim to remind these so called men what exactly is important around here, and if we have to dish out a little Thick-ni justice in the process, well...you know the rest.
Marco Valintine: That is hella sweet man its great when these things come together... Now dude how do you think this has improved you being able to work with someone on the caliber of a Cairo?
Kaz: It's been indescribable Marco. The kind of things you can learn from Cairo, man. He has a deep well of wisdom to draw on. Over a decade in this business will give you that, my man, and he's still going strong.
Kaz pats the Tag Team Championship around his waist.
Kaz: The knowledge I've gained from him in the ring is priceless...but it's all the stuff outside the ring that you don't want to forget. He's been like, for all intents and purposes, a Godfather to me. He's helped guide me through this world of WCF, and without him I'm not sure where I would be in this fed. Probably still booting asses, but on a minor scale compared to where I am now.
Marco Valintine: Now dude you have two teams fighting for Number One Contendership of The Poondock Saints Tag Team Championship's. What do you think of the two teams, The Chrono Rippers and The Hotdog Kings?
Kaz: Well, everyone knows I hate a bitch who sneaks up and attacks you with your back turned...and that's exactly what Oblivion and Jahani Al Reb...or Johnny Reb? Dark Johnny? The Dark Dr. Who Gives A Fuck? I can't stand em. On one hand, you got Oblivion who's like the jobber stepping stone, fucking psycho who regularly kills during his promos, but still can't seem to get it done in the ring. Then you got Johnny Reb, who doesn't know his girlfriend from his sister, can't hold on to his people's championship, and now these two bums want to come after The Poondock Saint's titles? Color me unimpressed with them. Now, the Hotdog Kings? That has match of the night written all over it.
Marco Valintine: Now dude as all people should i assume you saw the first ever episode of the love pad with the one and only Steve Orbit and he had a few choice words to aim at ya dude now I am gonna give you a chance to fire back man how do you feel about his comments that day?
Kaz: I watched it, Marco; and I heard what Orbit had to say. He said my pin on him was a fluke. He said Kaz Mazy, if given the chance, couldn't do it again...well how about he come out here right now so I can show him what's up? Come on out Orbit...
The crowd waits in anticipation for The Mack to come out to the ring. Nothing happens.
Kaz: oh yeah, that's right...sorry guys, unfortunately Orbit isn't in the arena tonight, and won't be for the foreseeable future. He took his balls, or what's left of them, and went home. You still think Kaz can't do it Orbit? Well, which one of us is still here? Which one of us didn't tuck his tail between his legs after Payback? When, or even if, you decide to come back, I'll still be here. A man amongst bitches. Waiting for you.
Marco Valintine: Well dude I gotta say I wouldn't bet against you two this week, I have been loving your guys matches since you started and I am sure you will walk away as tag champs once again tonight... But dude I have left one main question out for last and I have to say its the most important...
Kaz: What's that my good man? (Kaz takes a hearty swig of his Poonglorious bottle)
Marco Valintine: Would you ever consider making the team of the Poondock saints a stable? I mean dude if there is anyone in WCF that gets the poon its me...
Kaz: Never say never, Marco. The poon is life, and you seem to get the concept. I also liked how you handled that Jayden Thunder jobber at Payback. Have your people call my people...wait, I don't think I have people. (Kaz receives a text mid answer) Oh...I do have people. It's a Poonglorious day, indeed!
Marco Valintine: Fair enough we shall talk again another time dude... Now then we are drawing to a close is there anything you wanna end off with?
Kaz: I may have lost my chance to hold the Internet Championship; once again, at Payback...but new doors open everyday for people like me. Constantly hungry, always evolving...and never knowing when to say enough. I don't know the meaning of the word.
Kaz whips a big fat blunt out of his pants pocket.
Kaz: you want to spark up my man? Send this edition of The Love Pad off in style?
Marco Valintine: Oh hell yeah man lets get that lit in the back we gotta wrap things up out here, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN KAZ MAZY!!!
The fans cheer as The burden of being wonderful starts to play as both men leave the ring chatting on the way up the ramp and leaving the arena...
Neuroma by Fuse fills the arena as Jackson “The Fenix” White steps out on to the stage.
Kyle Steel: The following contest is a triple threat match and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first; from Oporto, Portugal...weighing in at 247lbs...The Fenix...Jackson White!!
Freddy Whoa: Jackson White faced a very tough challenge at Payback and fell to the hands of Dune who is starting to send shockwaves throughout the WCF
Zach Davis: The Fenix needs to rise from the ashes of his Pay Per View defeat. A new start begins here
Gravedigger: He probably needs Gravedigger to reunite with dear old Dad.
He walks slowly to the ring with the hoody looking down then he enters the ring and stretch both of his arms looking up to his Father whilst pyrotechnics blast from the corners.
The subtle guitar screeches and ominous bass drum beats of "Raining Blood" by Slayer flood the arena, hushing the crowd as the arena lights dim. The drums beat, and fiery-orange uplights flash up to the beat. The anticipation builds as the seconds pass. Then, the hard thrash guitar roars to life as a renewed gout of fiery orange orange spotlights flare around the stadium, spinning not unlike warning lights.
Crowd: HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Kyle Steel: And his opponent; from Buffalo, New York...weighing in at 300lbs...he is the Nickel City Nightmare...the Innovator of Intimidation...The Human Hellstorm...Maelstrom!!
Just as all this is happening Maelstrom appears, wearing a dark metallic chrome mantle with flame pipes and spikes rising from his shoulders.
Crowd: HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Freddy Whoa: Maelstrom also here on the back of a Pay Per View defeat. Sounds like this crowd knows that he’ll use his vast experience of bouncing back to his advantage
Zach Davis: Maelstrom has been there, done that. He’ll know exactly how to use his loss to his advantage here. All I can say is I feel sorry for Occulo and The Fenix
Gravedigger: I feel sorry for the crowd having to watch these suck up losers.
He marches to the ring with purpose, hands out to brush the outstretched fingers of the fans on both sides. He stops short of the ring and turns to the crowd, pausing a moment. Then he rears back and roars to the heavens as twin ten-foot jets of fiery blood-red sparks erupt from his shoulders.
Crowd: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!) HU-MAN HELL-STORM! (clap clap clapclapclap!)
Having discarded his entrance attire he climbs to the second rope. Facing out to the crowd, he first points to the nosebleed seats, and then bowing his head, thumps his fist over his heart in salute to the fans and the arena.
The lights of the arena shine at their absolute brightest and the crowd erupt again as “For the Love of Life” by David Sylvian plays.
Kyle Steel: And their opponent; from Washington DC...weighing in at 220lbs...Occulo!!
Freddy Whoa: Occulo is the odd one out here, the only winner from the Pay Per View after dispatching the Monster Oblivion
Zach Davis: He proved a few people wrong at Payback and that will mean a lot to him.
The camera in the crowd picks up Occulo who is followed to the ring byJohn Mullins.He shakes a few hands to the disdain of John who stands between them. Occulo climbs over the barrier and then into the ring. He salutes the crowd and faces his opponents.
The referee calls for the bell, the second the ‘ding’ goes off the familiar strains of Periphery - Mile Zero begin smashing through the arena. The fans excitement turns to groans and boos as Joey Flash appears from the curtain, once more holding a microphone, adorned in his familiar white suit and top hat. He produces a microphone from under his hat and stalks to the ring.
Joey Flash: Did you miss me?
In the ring, all three competitors look positively angered by his appearance. Occulo sits down and yawns. The other two join Occulo sat in the middle of the ring.
Joey Flash: Thank you thank you. Oh, you’re sitting, good, I was gonna say get comfy. Hey Occy how’s it going cocksucker?
Occulo flips him off. The crowd cheers.
Joey Flash: Guess what time it is ladies and gentlemen? It’s Joseph Flash commentary time.
Joey Flash: What are you booing for, it’s not like you’re gonna fuckin hear me, would you rather I just kept talking to you down the mic?
Joey Flash: Maelstrom you old sack of shit, Fenix you little bastard and Occy, darling. You talentless fuckin bum. Should I ruin Occulo’s little run and beat the shit out him again?
Joey Flash: Calm, calm. Don’t worry. Scouts honour.
Joey smiles, drops the mic and sits down next to Gravedigger who welcomes him with a handshake. They happen to have a fourth headset ready for just such Joey related appearances
Gravedigger: Welcome Joey, finally some class on screen.
Freddy Whoa: Good god.
Zach Davis: Why is he allowed to do this? I demand security remove him right now.
The referee keeps on eye on Joey and calls for the bell
Maelstrom and White lock horns and the former puts the latter in a headlock. Occulo runs at Maelstrom and clotheslines him. Jackson ends up underneath Maelstrom and is pinned under the 300 pounder. Occulo hits an elbow drop on Maelstrom further crushing Jackson under his weight. Maelstrom pushes him away and floors him with a headbutt.
Freddy Whoa: A...crushing start for Jackson White here
Zach Davis: Occulo with an intelligent attack there hitting both opponents at once
Gravedigger: Occulo and intelligent is an oxymoron.
Joey Flash: Maybe you should say he’s an...Occy-moron.
Maelstrom lifts Occulo up who hits a couple of jabs to his gut. He responds with a knee to Occulo’s chest and lifts him above his head. Jackson climbs up on to the turnbuckle and Missile Dropkicks the back of Maelstrom’s head. He staggers forward, dropping Occulo, who Jackson DDT’s as he lands on the mat
Freddy Whoa: Fantastic initiative by Jackson White!! The Gorilla Press is just one move that leaves you completely open to attack and Jackson took full advantage
Zach Davis: Occulo’s come off the worst there though. Quite a long fall on its own, let alone having a DDT on the end of it
Gravedigger: What does DDT even fucking stand for?
Joey Flash: Wanna know what it doesn’t stand for? Occulo being a good wrestler, worthless cunt.
Jackson goes after Maelstrom, hitting him with an elbow to the back of his head and a stomp to the back of his knee. Maelstrom falls to to the knee and Jackson bounces off the ropes and takes him out with a spinning heel kick. He covers the giant and the ref drops…
Kickout!! Maelstrom launches Jackson into the air as he gets his shoulders up. Occulo springs to his feet and lifts Jackson up before Irish whipping him into Maelstrom. The Hellstorm is angered by this and chokeslams Jackson to the mat, but just as he looks up he receives a barrage of punches to the face by Occulo followed by a swinging DDT.
Freddy Whoa: Occulo has sprung into control!
Zach Davis: What a powerful chokeslam by Maelstrom. Jackson may take a while to recover from that
Gravedigger: Really, what does DDT stand for?
Joey Flash: Let me fucking google that shit. Siri, what does DDT stand for?
Zach Davis: Will you two watch the match?!
Gravedigger: Fuck the match, I want to know.
Joey Flash: It means “a synthetic organic compound used as an insecticide. Like other chlorinated aromatic hydrocarbons, DDT tends to persist in the environment and become concentrated in animals at the head of the food chain. Its use is now banned in many countries.” Shit that’s a fuckin savage move, it’s banned in many countries!
Zach Davis: WATCH THE MATCH.
Occulo covers Jackson and hooks the leg. The ref drops…
Kickout!! Occulo immediately rolls off him and takes this moment to leave the ring. He walks around it and stands opposite the announce table.
Occulo: You come to see some talent Joey? You haven’t fought any since One! Still, at least you are fighting your own level eh?
Joey Flash: Sorry did something talk? I just got the nasty whiff of untalented peasant who I routinely crushed. Whew.
Occulo laughs it off and re-enters the ring. Maelstrom clotheslines him down to the mat but he springs straight back up only to be clotheslined back down. Maelstrom runs across the ring, bounces off the ropes and takes Occulo down with a running football shoulder tackle. He covers and the ref drops…
Jackson breaks the count and lands a few punches to Maelstrom’s kidneys. Maelstrom tries to get The Fenix off him but he carries on unloading punch after punch. He gets to his feet with Jackson attached to him and runs backwards to the turnbuckle, but before he is squashed Jackson manages to get both feet on the top rope. Maelstrom turns around and receives both of Jackson’s feet to his face. He staggers back and Jackson leaps off, hitting Maelstrom in the face with his knee on the way down. Maelstrom lands on his front. Jackson again sets upon him, with punch after fierce punch to his kidneys.
However he gets to his feet with Jackson on his back in a piggy-back position, before jumping and falling backwards, slamming Jackson to the mat under his 300lb weight.
Freddy Whoa: Splat. Ambulance for Jackson White!!
Zach Davis: Ouch.
Joey Flash: Ambulance for the big man, I think the shitness of the match has killed him. Digger you okay buddy?
Occulo splutters and gets to his feet. He bounces off the ropes and is tripped up by Maelstrom and locked into a heel hook leglock. Occulo reaches for the ropes but is nowhere near them. Jackson is still getting his breath back and is lying on his side facing the crowd, oblivious to the submission hold. Occulo cries out and turns his attention to Jackson instead. He rolls him onto his back and lays one arm across his body. The ref puts both hands behind his head in confusion and drops to the mat
Maelstrom pulls Occulo off Jackson, allowing Occulo to escape. Occulo shakes off the pain and dodges a couple of blows from Maelstrom before delivering a couple of his own. He leaps up onto his shoulders and with a cry hurracanrana’s him to the mat. He signals to the crowd and they go crazy before bouncing off the ropes and landing a subliminal message onto Jackson White, just as he is about to get up. He doesn’t pin however, but instead he drags him into the center of the ring. He crouches down and quickly moves so he is in front of Maelstrom as he gets to his feet. He drives his elbow into his throat, runs past him, bounces off the ropes and somersaults, bringing Maelstrom down onto Jackson White.
Freddy Whoa: Oesphagus Bureau!! Straight onto Jackson.
Zach Davis: Poor Jackson is going to be two-dimensional at the end of this.
Gravedigger: Okay that was brutal as shit.
Joey Flash: The only thing two dimensional is Occy's personality.
Occulo quickly pulls Maelstrom into the middle of the ring and locks in...
Freddy Whoa: THE EPITOME! LOCKED IN!
Maelstrom can't yell.. can't scream.. after several moments it's clear he's passed out.
DING DING DING!
Kyle Steel: Here is your winner…Occulo!!
Zach Davis: Really good performance by Occulo who carries on this amazing run of form.
Gravedigger: Fuckin hell he won again, Occulo keep it simple, you’re a prick..
Joey says nothing and simply reclines in his chair with a pensive look on his face.
Occulo stands up and is IMMEDIATELY low blowed by The Fenix.
Freddy Whoa: Did somebody say "sore loser?"
Occulo drops down as his music stops playing. White regains his composure after a hard fought match and spins Occulo around, hitting The Destroyer!
Zach Davis: Jackson White didn't get pinned to lose this match, but that's how it goes in Triple Threats! What did he expect?!
The fans boo White as he leaves the ring after glaring at Occulo, who is working his way up.
Gravedigger: Wait, what's this?
Mullins climbs over the barrier and requests a microphone. He then climbs into the ring and holds a hand out for Occulo’s music to stop.
Mullins: Joey, you absolute piece of shit pile of ass.Look at you sitting down there like you’re on vacation. It does amuse me how a guy who fights jobbers every week can just come down and pass judgment on far superior wrestlers. You see Joey, yeah you mention every week about how everybody in the locker room is a coward and moan about having to face these jobbers and to be honest I respect you for that...but a couple of weeks ago we issued you with an open challenge that you don’t seem to have heard. Thing is Joey your little undefeated streak really does mean absolutely fuck all when you’ve only had one challenging match so don’t count me impressed. You claim to be a God when all you are is just a bored little Italian-American who thinks his shit doesn’t stink. You are the very definition of peasant Joey, crawling around here feeding on the leftovers that nobody else wants. A scrounger that as soon as he competes with the bigger predators here he’s going to get his throat ripped out. Look Joseph, I could call you a cunt but all that does is send a rush of blood to your cock. So what I will do is throw the ball in your court cocksucker. You want a match with the only guy who has made you look good, you go tell Seth and we’ll make it happen. Let’s see if you are any better than those who you call cowards. Let’s see if Joey Flash’s balls are as planetary as he makes out. Otherwise just keep on sweeping the streets of rubbish and thinking you’re a King. Otherwise just keep on being the embarrassment to Alessandra you’ve always been. Otherwise just keep on being that bug her Father wants to squash if it wasn’t for her. You are under her shadow and that is all that’s keeping you from becoming that dishevelled, stinking waste of humanity you were before you met her. You know where we are you pussy-whipped, pathetic, spineless little joke.
He throws the mic at Joey and leaves the ring with Occulo.
Zach Davis: Just got word that the Hotdog Kings have arrived -
Gravedigger: Oh boy.
Freddy Whoa: Here we go.
Zach Davis: What?
The jumbotron in the arena blows up to life to find a hotdog shaped limo pulling in front of the buildings entrance. The driver gets out, rolls out a red carpet, and opens up the back door. Logan and Marc Mayhem step out!
Zach Davis: HOTDOG KINGS! HOTDOG KINGS! OH MUAH GAWD!
The pair open the trunk of a limo, ripping out a phone booth and standing it up.
Gravedigger: What the hell are they doing with a phone booth?
Mayhem steps inside the phone booth, closes the door, unzips his pants and urinates in the phone booth.
Zach Davis: OH MAUH GAWD!
After Mayhem steps out of the booth and shuts the door, Logan kicks it over.
Logan: Dr. Who sucks!
The Hotdog Kings walk past the camera shot and into the building.
Zach Davis: URINATION 3:16! URINATION 3:16! THE HOTDOG KINGS ARE HERE! SLAM JUST GOT PREGNANT.
Freddy Whoa: ...
Zach Davis: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match promises to be a showstopper, with three of the four competitors having just returned to WCF action in the last few weeks.
Freddy Whoa: That's right, Zach. Week after week, injuries sidelined each member of the second most dominant group in WCF. The Pack were well on their way to giving the Vapor Kings some real competition. You have to wonder -- does the return of Alex Richards last week at Payback mean Chelsea is putting the band back together?
Gravedigger: Sounds like a conflict of interest to me; Chelsea has been romantically linked with our own World Champion, ICE Beckman.
"I smell a Massacre" by the Butcher Babies begins to roar through the speakers as a fog fills the stage and purple and gold pyros shoot from the top of the titantron. Suddenly a platform begins to rise from under the stage as Chelsea Armstrong starts to appear, a smirk lies on her lips as her metal chain swings freely within her grasp. Standing beside her is manager Genevieve Raquel who rests her arm on Chelsea's shoulder as then two focus on the ring.
Kyle Steel: This tag team match is scheduled for ONE FALL! First to the ring, hailing from Saint Louis, Missouri, weighing in at 157 pounds, she is the Sweet Nightmare, CHELSEA ARRRRMMSSTRRROOONNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!
Walking down the ramp both of them stay focused on the ring as Chelsea slides under the bottom rope and Gen climbs the steel steps and gets into the ring. Climbing the turnbuckle Chelsea looks out over the crowd before jumping down and passing the chain off to Genevieve who takes her place on the ground in Chelsea's corner.
Kyle Steel: And her partner...
The arena lights dim as a keytar with a distinctly 80's sound begins tapping out a beat, and "Holding Out for A Hero" by Bonnie Tyler begins playing in full. The intro winds down, and as Ms. Tyler asks "Where have all the good men gone?", Jay Omega steps from behind the curtain, and a spotlight hits him center stage.
Kyle Steel: From Sativa City, in the Imperial Isle of Maritopia, weighing in at two hundred twenty-six pounds, he is the Omega Man... JAAAY OOOMEEEGAAA!
Jay throws his arms up and out in an Orton-esque pose, then slaps his left shoulder twice before he begins skipping down the ramp. Strobe lights flicker throughout the crowd in a multitude of colors ranging from deep violet to neon green, as Omega crosses back and forth down the ramp waving his hands indiscriminately, slapping hands and faces in equal measure. At ringside, Jay takes a moment to dance the Macarena before he rolls under the bottom rope, and kips up to his feet. Omega crosses the ring and hops onto the second turnbuckle with his left foot on the top one, and does pelvic thrusts at the crowd for a few moments, before he backflips back into the ring.
Zach Davis: These two are a dominant force here in the WCF individually; together, they're nearly unstoppable.
Freddy Whoa: Even if Omega is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. That said, the advantage lies with the former members of the Pack, who have no shortage of experience with each other. They're going to have their hands full, though.
The lights go out as a voice starts to speak over the sound system, It is the future... year 6969. Somewhere out in Megaspace. The Pelozees of The Lesbodyke Nebula, in order to continue breeding after removal from the Universe their last remaining enemy, men, created the PIL - Penile Impregnation Lingumbot. Rezark SP - a prototype PIL, accidentally launched Into chrono- space during the hyperfiber wars, has programmed a self-Replicating evo-loop and drifts for a kilo-year, alone and sentient in a Tele-operative trajectory above Planet Three-S: formerly known as Earth. Lowering his astrogate to Planet Three-S, Rezark SP, the last surviving Chrononaut, has a bad case of blue ballsium and one thing on his hydro-mind.................
Fireworks explode from the ramp as Supersonic sex machine by Steel Panther blasts out of the speakers, the lights go wild with color and Marco leaps onto the stage as Michelle walks along by next to him, dancing in time with the music he strips out of his jacket and trousers with fireworks going off behind him.
Marcus: Introducing the competitor, weighing in at 210 pounds and coming to us from Los Angeles California.... This is The sultan of sexual, The emperor of epicness, The Senator of Sexiness, The Incarnation of Incredible, The ambassador of awesome, The titan of titillation, the embodiment of exceptional, the host with the most and The Quintessential Ladies Man Marco Valintine.
Strutting down the ramp he claps the hands of the fans that are at ringside before leaping to the apron, after dancing a little more he leaps onto the top rope turning a 180 before moonsaulting into the ring landing on his feet as fireworks shoot out of the ring posts... He walks around the ring pointing at his fans as his music switches off he sits in the corner waiting for the match to start.
Kyle Steel: And last, but not least... returning to action tonight! Weighing in at 245 pounds, and accompanied by his lovely wife.... From Griffen, Georgia... The one, the only, the Confederate Champion -- DOC HENRY!!!!
Dr. Feelgood hits the speakers and as the main riff blasts through the arena, Doc, and Mary emerge on the stage. Looking around, he raises his fists in the air, the crowd cheering wildly as he then leads the way to the ring. Climbing up the steps, he holds the Ropes for Mary, who slinks lithely through. Doc steps trough the ropes and grins proudly as he hands The Confederate Championship to Mary.
Zach Davis: The Confederate Champion once again takes his rightful place among the stars of the WCF Galaxy. Who doesn't love that?
Zach Davis: You were all about Doc Henry last week. What gives?
Gravedigger: I was caught up in the moment. Then I remembered -- it's Doc Henry, the Confederate Chump.
After some brief discussion, Jay Omega and Marco Valintine strut toward the middle of the ring, eyeing each other with wary respect. Omega sticks a hand out and Marco, after a moment, shakes it firmly. The bell rings; without letting go, Valintine pulls Omega in and nails him with a forearm.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! That's how you start a match! Omega takes a forearm to the face and now Valintine follows up with a legsweep that leaves Jay flat. Valintine goes for the ropes, but Omega gets right back to his feet. Valintine sees him coming! He rebounds off the ropes... But Jay Omega sidesteps and adds to the momentum with an Irish whip! Valintine spills to the outside!
A cheer goes up from the crowd. Omega raises his arms and throws back his head, basking in the attention. Meanwhile, Chelsea has dropped to the floor to "help" Valintine -- who is already back to his feet. She stops short; he grins -- and then, he puts his hands behind his head and gyrates his hips like Magic Mike, grinning. A stunned Chelsea Armstrong stares at him in disbelief for about two seconds... then slaps him across the face!
Zach Davis: Look out behind you, Valintine!
Omega spins Valintine around and drops him to the mats with a suplex. Referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy leans over the ropes, urging both men to get back in the ring. Omega rolls a dazed Valintine in, then climbs up the ropes and, pausing just a second to throw a grin over his shoulder at the fans, he launches himself into the air.
Freddy Whoa: Frogsplash! Jay has really been taking it to Marco Valintine! Here's the cover, and -- a kickout right away! The Sultan of Sexual rises to the occasion!
Both men back on their feet, and Marco surprises Jay with a Pele kick that leaves him staggered. Valintine capitalizes with a springboard tornado kick, then drops for the pin.
Gravedigger: HERE COMES CHELSEA ARMSTRONG! She drops an elbow on Valintine, breaking up the count! Marco Valintine is clearly not happy. He gets in her face, and... WHAT? Is he really -- ?
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! He is! Marco Valintine puts the ol' liplock on Chelsea Armstrong, right in the middle of the ring! She no-sells it and pushes him away!
Smiling broadly, the Quintessential Ladies' Man takes a few steps back. He points at Chelsea, then at himself, and starts thrusting his hips in her general direction. Meanwhile, Doc Henry is looking disgusted with his partner's antics. He spots Jay Omega rushing in to take advantage of Valintine's distraction, and vaults into the ring to intercept him. Armstrong, in turn, notices this, and runs forward to uneven the odds. Mistaking her intention, Valintine opens his arms wide -- and is thoroughly puzzled when she bypasses him. His gaze follows, and he immediately jumps into the brawl.
Zach Davis: All Hell has broken loose inside that ring -- and referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy seems in no hurry to restore order. He's just kind of watching. No, wait... now he's... getting out of the ring?! And he just flagged down a hot dog vendor! He's buying a hot dog! WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING YOUR JOB?
O'Shaughnessy, with mustard streaked across his lips, gives Zach the finger and sits on the ring steps to finish his snack -- albeit somewhat hurriedly. The brawl in the ring continues. Now the fans are yelling at the ref, too. Licking his fingers, he climbs back in and forces the combatants apart. Doc takes the opportunity to tag himself in, and earns a scowl from his partner.
Freddy Whoa: Jay Omega and Doc Henry trading hands in the middle of the ring. Jay dodges a thumb in the eye, but that gives Doc the opening to put a knee in Omega's midsection. Henry sets it up... he's going for... YES! Pedigree!
Gravedigger: For all the good it does. Even a moron like Doc Henry should know by now that dropping the Omega Man on his head doesn't even bother him. He thinks it's funny -- look at him...
And indeed, Jay Omega gets right back up, laughing like the maniac he is. Still laughing, he grabs Doc by the arm and slings him toward the ropes; Doc rebounds and comes back at him, lowering one shoulder for a spear. Omega waits, and using Doc's momentum, he grabs him and slams him to the canvas.
Zach Davis: Shades of the Big Boss Man with that scrapbuster slam! Omega goes for the cover, but Doc pushes him off. Jay pulls Doc back up, looks like he's going for a suplex -- but Doc's twenty pound advantage serves him well as he struggles out of it! Doc Henry hits the ropes, rebounds, and nails Omega with an elbow! Henry with the pin!
Freddy Whoa: And Omega gets a shoulder up at two. The Southern Rogue isn't through with him yet, though. He goes for a German suplex -- but no! Reversal! Omega with a gutwrench powerbomb attempt... DENIED! Now Henry goes for another Pedigree. He's got Omega up... no, wait! HURRICANRANA! Doc Henry crashes into the turnbuckle!
Gravedigger: And Omega isn't waiting on Henry to recover. He goes right after him and steps on the bottom rope, laying into Doc with a flurry of punches. Referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy warning Omega to knock it off. One more, just for good measure, and -- Frankensteiner! Doc Henry is right where he feels most at home -- flat on his back, staring up at the lights!
Zach Davis: Here comes the cover -- no, wait! Sharpshooter! Omega has it locked in! No living man can escape a Sharpshooter when performed by a Canadian!
Freddy Whoa: You made that up!
Zach Davis: Did not! Doc Henry in a lot of pain, now. He's straining for the ropes -- inches away, but they might as well be miles. Omega wrenches back on Doc's legs, making him yell. He keeps reaching, but the Omega Man has all the leverage.
Freddy Whoa: HERE COMES VALINTINE! The Senator of Sexiness leaps over the ropes, handsprings across the ring... and... Tornado DDT! He breaks the hold, but it could be too litte, too late!
Marco Valintine keeps Jay Omega distracted while Doc Henry uses the ropes to slowly pull himself upright. They spend a moment staring, each taking the other's measure. Valintine makes a gesture at Omega, as if telling him to wait; Jay looks puzzled, but shrugs. Marco runs across the ring, up the nearest corner, and without stopping, throws himself off, backward. He twists his body in midair and lands on his feet directly behind Omega, who tracks him visually the whole way. A small smile, a nod, and then Jay nails the Titan of Titillation with a European uppercut.
Valintine staggers back, rubbing his jaw, while Jay makes exaggerated thrusting motions with his pelvis. Valintine looks mildly offended, but he hurries back to his corner. Suspicous, Omega turns around -- and is met by a fully recovered Doc Henry!
Zach Davis: SPEAR off the second rope! Confederate Rocket!
Doc drags an unresisting Jay Omega to his corner and slaps hands with Marco Valintine. Henry helps Valintine sit Omega on the top rope, and then slips out to the apron. Valintine climbs up and lays into Jay with a series of punches. Marco Valintine stops for a moment to show off to the audience.
Gravedigger: Save the celebration for after you win, you jackass!
The Omega Man seizes the opportunity, and pushes Valintine off the ropes. Carefully, he rises, gets ready to fly -- but is stopped when Doc Henry grabs his ankle, and Omega gets crotched on the turnbuckle.
Gravedigger: Henry's had a lot of experience with high flyers, including his former longtime friend and tag partner -- Johnny Reb -- so he knows exactly how to ground them. Guys like this have no business in the ring; they're all flash, no substance.
Zach Davis: Regardless, Jay is getting back to his feet. Valintine pulls him toward the middle of the ring and gets ready to -- WHOA! Thunderclap!
Freddy Whoa: That's MY line! Whatever was on Valintine's mind just got deleted by that 540 hook kick! And now, finally, Jay dives for his corner and makes the tag to Chelsea Armstrong! She runs in and plows right into Valintine with a Shining Wizard! Armstrong with the cover!
Zach Davis: And a kickout! But Chelsea is fresh, where Valintine has been high energy all night. He can't have much left in the tank now!
Freddy Whoa: That's where you're wrong, Zach! Look! The Emperor of Epicness is reinvigorated by the touch of a beautiful woman! He didn't mind being pinned at all!
On his feet again, Marco Valintine gives Chelsea Armstrong a wink and attempts to entice her with a shoulder shimmy and a "come hither" gesture. She runs at him with a lariat, but Valintine catches her and lifts her easily. He holds her up several seconds, and then, looking almost apologetic, he drops backward with her.
Zach Davis: Stalling vertical suplex! Chelsea Armstrong's disadvantage is her size, and this is a good reminder that speed and agility only take you so far. It looks like Marco Valintine is done trying to seduce the Sweet Nightmare. Here comes a frogsplash...
Freddy Whoa: NOBODY HOME! Marco Valintine eats canvas! And Armstrong wastes no time laying boots to him!
Gravedigger: Finally somebody's taking this match seriously!
Zach Davis: And here comes the referee to stop it. Chelsea backs away, giving O'Shaughnessy her best "innocent" routine -- he's actually buying it! ...until she smacks him across the face!
The ref looks very confused for just a moment, then slaps her back. Shock changes quickly to anger, and it's all Jay Omega can do to keep her from outright murdering the referee; who walks away, chuckling to himself.
Freddy Whoa: Another bizarre moment, brought to you by WCF.
Valintine staggers back to his corner and tags Doc in again. Doc flies into the ring, but the ref backs him off, claiming he didn't see the tag.
Gravedigger: Wait, really?
Doc argues with O'Shaughnessy for several moments before he gets back out on the ring apron and picks up the tag rope. Confused, Marco Valintine slips through the ropes, holding his ribs with one hand. He starts toward an impatient Chelsea Armstrong, then abruptly turns around and -- making sure he has the referee's attention -- he tags in Doc Henry one more time.
Zach Davis: The Southern Rogue rushes in, but he's met with a stiff running clothesline from Chelsea Armstrong! He stays upright, but barely. Armstrong hits the ropes and comes flying back with an arm drag attempt -- but Doc Henry catches her and slams her to the mat.
On the outside, Jay Omega leans over as far as he can, flailing his right hand in an attempt to get Chelsea to tag him in. Doc grabs her by the hair and pulls her up, then sends her crashing into her corner. No actual contact is made, but O'Shaughnessy claps loudly and points to Omega. Jay leaps off the ropes, somersaults, and comes up on his feet right in front of Doc Henry -- and gives Doc a big, goofy grin, right before he launches into a flurry of meticulously placed palm strikes. Henry takes a step back with each strike. Omega pauses -- and then executes a final, solid palm to Doc's chest.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! That last one almost sent Doc Henry over the ropes! I've seen every Shaw Brothers movie ever made and that, my friends, is the Buddha's Palm -- no doubt about it! Doc Henry is lucky that Omega isn't a Shaolin master, or he'd be a dead man!
Zach Davis: Um... right. Well, the Southern Rogue isn't the Confederate Champion for no reason, and -- oh, what now?
Now.. referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy is in Omega's face. He says something nobody else can hear, and Jay's startled expression speaks volumes. Quickly, he shakes it off and goes after Doc again. Still clinging to the ropes, Henry simply drops his weight, and Omega tumbles to the outside. The Southern Rogue backs up, runs, and dives through the ropes!
Freddy Whoa: Plancha to the outside, and nobody home! Jay Omega rolled out of the way just in time, and Doc Henry hits the mats hard! The Omega Man picks Henry up... and runs him into the crowd barrier!
Gravedigger: Now it's getting good. Do it again!
As if he heard, Jay reverses direction and slams Doc up against the ring apron... then against the crowd barrier again. The ref starts the ten count.
ONE... Jay whips Doc at the ring apron one more time.
TWO... He runs Henry at the steel steps; Doc crashes into them with a loud CLANG!
THREE... Omega gets up on the apron and looks at the fallen Doc Henry with a contemplative expression.
FOUR... The Omega Man raises his arms into the air as the crowd cheers for even more violence.
FIVE... Jay climbs up the turnbuckles. He tenses, preparing to dive -- and then stops. Mary Jane, from out of nowhere, stands protectively over her husband. Disappointed, Omega rolls his eyes and hops back into the ring. The ref stops counting.
Zach Davis: And Omega doesn't look thrilled with interference from Doc's wife. She's checking on him -- he seems a little out of it. Now she's reaching under the ring, and -- it's a can of... collard greens!
Gravedigger: Oh, not this again!
Sure enough, yep, this again. Mary pops the lid off the can and puts it in Doc's hands. He struggles to sit up, then, just as he's about to upend the can... referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy jumps down from the ring and slaps the collard greens out of Doc's hand. Mary immediately starts arguing with him.
Zach Davis: Wait...what? He's... he's saying something about "no foreign objects"... but --
Gravedigger: O'Shaughnessy just wants a clean match. If more of our referees were this conscientious -- HOLY SHIT! STUNNER! Doc Henry's wife just gave the ref a Stunner!
Freddy Whoa: Actually, she calls that a "Stoner." The ref is down, but he's not out. Armstrong now checking on the ref, and... thumbs up! He's okay, just a little dazed. Now he's trying to eject Mary from ringside! She's shaking her head. She won't leave.
Gravedigger: Diplomatic immunity, Freddy.
Now Mary is in the ref's face; O'Shaughnessy threatens to disqualify Doc, but Mary shakes her head and points to the Confederate Title she carries.
Freddy Whoa: What?
Gravedigger: It's one of the stipulations of the Confederate Championship, Freddy. Because Doc Henry is considered a "diplomat" representing the "Confederacy", anything he does in or out of the ring while he holds the Confederate Title is technically "legal." Therefore, he can't be disqualified. And since Mary is not only his wife, but also his "attache" -- we all know what that's a euphemism for -- the diplomatic immunity extends to her.
Freddy Whoa: Cheatin' ass redneck jive turkey!
Gravedigger: I know. Genius, right? I should have thought of that -- except I was too busy winning actual titles.
Back in the ring, Henry and Omega prepare to face off again, both looking a little worse for the wear. Doc takes a few wild swings at Omega and goes to whip him to the ropes, but Omega reverses it, sending Henry into a neutral corner. Omega then runs at him..
Zach Davis: SHINING WIZARD!
Omega grabs Henry's head and then hits a Bulldog!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! LOCKDOWN!
Omega floats over and goes for the pin.
Gravedigger: And there you have it! Doc the Cock goes down.
Freddy Whoa: ....whoa?
Omega gets up and gets his arm raised as Chelsea joins him in the ring, patting his back.
Zach Davis: The former Pack members get a victory here tonight on Slam!
Zach Davis: OH what a night it's going to be fans! Tons of nonstop action! Great matches! What a night!
Freddy Whoa: You got that right! This has been one of better Slam events we've had in a while.
Zach Davis: Tensions are running high after Payback and we are sure to see some of those issues continue here tonight.
Freddy Whoa: I can't wait to see what unfolds it's going to be--
Zach Davis: Uh...Freddy we have something going on backstage. I keep hearing we're about to have company. I don't know what it is and I'm told we need to head backstage now.
The scene cuts back to the hallway between the ring entrance stage area and the parking lot at the Forum. You can barely hear the sound of an motorcycle engine revving before the engine shuts off. A few wrestlers preparing for their matches in the hall way look toward the entrance from the parking lot and moments later the door opens and Grime walks in. He looks at the other wrestlers and gives them a look of deference. He gives a smirk and starts walking down the hallway toward the ring entrance stage area. He passes by each wrestler making minimal eye contact and the fans begin to boo as the sound of a motorcycle engine begins over the speakers. "Do you feel that?" is seen on the screen and the words follow as Down with the Sickness by Disturbed begins to play over the speakers.
Zach Davis: Yup were going to have some company guys. Grime has arrived in the WCF here in Memphis and he isn't scheduled to be out here for a match tonight.
Freddy Whoa: Things just got interesting early, Zach!
Zach Davis: You got that right.
Grime walks out onto the stage and doesn't pause as he walks down the ramp toward the ring. He doesn't acknowledge that the fans are even there booing. He circles the ring and climbs the steel steps on the opposite side of the ring from the entrance. He walks to the center of the ring apron and motions for one of the ring crew members to bring him a microphone. The man hesitates but bring him a microphone and stands there longer than Grime feels necessary, which is barely a moment. He shoos the man away and enters the ring. The music continues for a brief moment and as the music fades Grime listens to the fans and nods as he mocks that he can't hear them. It makes the fans boo more. He begins to speak over them.
GRIME: Ah, yes. The boos. I love it. It ignites a fire in my blood. It fuels my intensity. Keep booing because it just influences me to be exactly what I came to the WCF to do. I came here tonight looking for a fight. I don't have one scheduled, but that doesn't mean a damn thing. If I have to I'll just go pick someone and beat them down. Hopefully someone around this place, though looks are deceiving, has something that can compare with me in this ring. I issue an open challenge. If I can't find one tonight, then next week I don't care what match you decide to make for my first match in the WCF. I prefer that whoever accepts my challenge for next week here on Slam decides what type of fight we will have. I leave it up to you.
Zach Davis: Wow! I wonder if he's biting into something more than he can handle?
Grave Digger: Only one way to find out.
GRIME: Oh yes, announcers. We have announcers! I can hear you you dumb shits. And I will tell you this. You better hope that whoever accepts this challenge can dish it out, because if I'm not satisfied...one of you will end up face down before the night is over next week. I don't care who and I don't care what happens. I'm not here to care. I'm here to fight.
The fans get loud as Grime pauses. He motions with his left hand for the fans to get a little louder and they do.
GRIME: You realize what just happened and how stupid you all are here in Memphis? I told you to get louder and you did exactly what I told you to do. Here is something else you morons need to realize. Every week you idiots will buy tickets for a show. All those watching at home will turn on the tube to watch WCF. The more and more you take out of your damn pockets and throw toward this company, I get my pockets filled. So really, you don't like the fact that I am here and you don't like what I have to say and you don't like me in general. I don't care! By the end of the day I just beat up another foolish man who thought he had what it takes to step in the ring and I get your money in my pocket. I win every single time no matter the result. If it be a disqualification, I still get your money. The best part about that is that you are too stupid to change that
The fans start chanting various chants to encourage one of the WCF stars to come out and shut Grime up.
GRIME: Yes, please. Keep chanting. Hopefully you inspire a pathetic piece of garbage to come out and get his face kicked in. (Points to the backstage) Boys in the back...if you have what it takes and if you think you are worthy, you better step up to the plate. Someone better be ready for me next week. If I'm not in a match, I'll pick one and no one will be happy about it. The time for waiting is over. I'm here and I am ready for whatever you think you're going to dish out. The problem is what you think and what you do are completely different once you come face to face with me. Grime is climbing to the top of this company as of now and there is nothing any of you can do to stop me.
Grime drops the microphone and without any music playing he leaves the ring.
All of the lights in the arena drop as "Explosia" by Gojira kicks in over the arena speakers. Pyro explodes from the stage and from around the jumbotron as it fires to life with a video montage of all of Price's greatest moments. A spotlight comes on and shines on the stage as Price steps out from the back to a massive pop from the crowd.
Kyle Steel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighting in at 240 pounds… JAYSOOOON PRIIIICE!
Price pauses at the top of the ramp to let the crowd get themselves a good look before heading down the ramp, grabbing a beer from a fan trying to get a high five. He downs the beer, toss the empty cup into the crowd and then roll in under the bottom rope. He heads for the corner, climbs up to the second rope and gives the fans the finger before hopping down to the mat. He pulls off his shirt and throw it to the crowd and warms up for the match in his corner.
Zach Davis: Here he is, the former Internet Champion.
Freddy Whoa: He will have a tough match tonight.
Gravedigger: This will be interesting!
The lights fade and “Heat Miser” begins in the darkness. Smoke pours out just beyond the entrance as two beams of golden light move slowly around the arena. Dune appears as the last burst of smoke issues, walking upright and determined.
Kyle Steel: Introducing his opponent, from Mojave Desert weighing in at 276 pounds… He is the WCF Internet Champion… DUUUUUUUNE!!!!
His cold eyes scan the audience, raising an upturned hand if there are cheers and scowling if there are boos. He slides into the ring and is quick to his feet in the center, where he raises his head to the rafters as each corner post issues a final hiss of smoke before the lights come on again.
Zach Davis: Dune won the title on Payback against Kaz Mazy and Jackson White on a great triple threat match!
Freddy Whoa: Let’s see if he can handle Price.
Gravedigger: Of course he can, Dune’s self-esteem is really high.
DING DING DING
Jayson Price and Dune start the lock up and Dune kicks Price in the belly and applies a Headlock. Jayson hits his elbow on Dune’s chest, he breaks the maneuver and the former Internet Champion connects a Short Arm Clothesline! Dune gets up and eats Price’s feet! Nice Standup Dropkick! Jayson starts a Sleeper Hold. Dune tries to get up but he can’t. He hits "The South Street Menace" in the chin and manages to get up. He runs to the ropes… Big boot on Price! He goes for the cover…
Jayson Price quickly kicks out. Dune starts to punch him and goes for the Camel Clutch. He holds the submission for a few seconds but Price is able to reverse it and applies a Hangman's Clutch!
Zach Davis: Dune is in trouble…
Freddy Whoa: He is trying to reach the ropes!
Gravedigger: This is so boring, I hate this matches…
Dune reaches the ropes and the referee tells Price to break the submission. He doesn’t…
Jayson stops the hold and kicks Dune’s head. Dune gets up punching Price in the belly. He gets him up… Front Powerslam! The internet champion now gets near Jayson Price... Dragon sleeper applied! Price is trying to reverse it but he can’t... Dune still holding the submission hold! But Jayson starts to hit his opponent with his elbow! Dune breaks the Dragon Sleeper, picks up Price… Sidewalk Slam! He goes for the cover… But Price reverses it with a Roll Up!
Zach Davis: The internet champion kicks out!
Freddy Whoa: You must pay attention to your opponent or he can pin you without you even noticing.
Gravedigger: WHOA! Really Freddy? I didn’t know anything about that.
Freddy Whoa: Asshole.
Gravedigger: What did you just say?
Freddy Whoa: Nothing, forget it…
Dune starts stomping Price as he screams in pain. Dune gets him up… Irish Whip against the turnbuckle! He runs toward the opponent… Price dodges the attack! Dune runs to Price… Snap Powerslam by the former Internet Champion! Price is resting on the corner, waiting for the opponent to get up. He waits for him and tries to apply a Superkick… Dune dodges the Price Check and pushes Price above the top rope!
Zach Davis: Price hit the floor outside the ring really hard!
Freddy Whoa: Look! Dune is climbing the turnbuckle!
Gravedigger: Here we go! Finally we will see some nice maneuver on this match!
Dune waits for Jayson to get up… Flying Clothesline!!! Both wrestlers are on the ground! The referee starts the count.
Dune gets up and puts Jayson’s head between his legs, trying to apply a Piledriver.
Price manages to reverse it by hitting Dune’s belly, applies a Irish Whip, Dune reverses it… OH!!! JAYSON PRICE EATS THE STEEL STEPS!
Dune grabs his head and pushes him into the ring. Follows him, goes for the cover…
Th-No! Price lifts his shoulder! Dune is really frustrated! He grabs Price and applies a Pumphandle suplex! The champion grabs Jayson’s legs… HE IS GOING FOR THE QUICKSAND!!! HE LOCKS IT IN!
Zach Davis: Will Jayson Price tap-out?!
Freddy Whoa: He is struggling to reach the ropes…
Gravedigger: The former champion is screaming in pain!
Jayson scretch his arm and reach the ropes. The referee tells Dune to break the submission hold. He does and grabs Price’s head, punching him. Price fights back with another punch. They trade punches as the crowd boos the champion and chants for Jayson Price. “The South Street Nightmare" wins the trade and punches Dune really hard. He falls on the ground, Price goes near him, lifts him up on his shoulder… Scoop Slam! He waits for Dune to get up…
Zach Davis: Looks like Jayson Price is trying the Price Check!
Freddy Whoa: Dune is getting up…
Gravedigger: PRICE CHECK ON DUNE’S FACE! Price goes for the cover…
Thr-NO! Dune lifts his shoulder! Price can’t believe it… He grabs his head AND TRIES TO HIT THE DOWNFALL! Dune reverses it, kicks him in the stomach, lifts him up… HOURGLASS! COVER…
THRE-NO!!!! HOW DID JAYSON PRICE LIFT HIS SHOULDER?! Dune is exhausted, laid on the floor and Price is still damaged from the Hourglass. The referee starts to count, since both men are on the floor.
Dune gets up and grabs Price’s head, starting a Camel Clutch. Price screams in pain and the crowd starts to encourage the former Internet Champion. He is having an hard time but manages to reverse the maneuver and hits a strong European Uppercut on Dune.
Zach Davis: Both wrestlers are really tired.
Freddy Whoa: Price is waiting for Dune to get up…
Gravedigger: He is going for the Downfall… Dune reverses it!
Dune grabs Price’s arm from behind and applies a Full nelson slam. Dune rests while Price is getting up with the ropes’s help. The champion runes to Jayson, trying to apply a Big Bot… Price downs the rope and Dune ends up falling outside the ring! The referee starts to count while Price lays on the ring, resting.
Dune and Price start to get up slowly.
Dune gets up and enters the ring. Price is waiting for him and hits a Rolling Elbow that leaves Dune incapacitated on the floor. Jayson goes for the cover…
Dune kicks out! Price kicks Dune in the face and applies an Armbar!
Gravedigger: I am so sick of this submission holds…
Zach Davis: Price punishing the champion’s arm.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Dune reverses the Armbar and puts Jayson’s head between his legs… Piledriver executed!
Dune’s arm is in pain so he rests by the corner. Price is getting up slowly, Dune waits for him, run… Spear!!! Cover…
Jayson Price gets his shoulder up! Dune slowly goes to the corner and climbs the turnbuckle, but Price gets up and climbs the turnbuckle too. Both start punching each other but Jayson headbutts Dune and grabs his arm performing a great Superplex! Both wrestlers are laid on the floor.
Zach Davis: This match is really balanced.
Freddy Whoa: I have no idea of who is going to win this battle.
Gravedigger: Both of them suck, when is this over?
Price crawls to Dune and covers him.
Dune kicks out! Price waits for Dune to get up, grabs his head… DOWNFALL! THAT MUST BE IT! COVER…
NOOOOOOO! HOW THE HELL DID DUNE LIFT HIS SHOULDER?! Price can’t believe it and goes for the cover one more time.
Dune kicks out again!
Zach Davis: Really impressive!!!
Freddy Whoa: I thought the match was over.
Gravedigger: Well, I got to give credit to Dune. He is really fighting for the win on this match.
Price gets angry and grabs Dune’s head, trying to perform Downfall again. However, out of nowhere, Seth Lerch appears on the apron.
Zach Davis: Seth is interfering with Price again!?
Price shoves Dune away and runs towards Seth. Seth's eyes go wide but Price grabs him by the chair and throws him into the ring. Price lifts Seth up and goes to punch him... but Dune rolls Price up from behind!
NO!, Price escapes it! Price gets back to his feet and is immediately Superkicked by Seth. Dune follows it up with.. OH MY GOD! SANDSTORM! DUNE GOES FOR THE COVER!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! IT'S OVER!
Kyle Steel: The winner of this match... The WCF Internet Champion... DUUUUUUUUUUNE!!!
Zach Davis: This match was great, I thought that it was over for Dune when Price performed The Downfall.
Gravedigger: Luckily Seth was here to make sure the most deserving man won.
Dune gets up and gets his arm raised after defeating the former Champion.
Freddy Whoa: Well, this certainly adds legitimacy to Dune's reign, that's for sure.
Seth laughs as Price slowly begins working his way up. Dune leaves the ring as Seth heads to the back as well.
“With Oden On Our Side” Hits the PA system as Odin Balfore walks out on stage with a microphone.
Odin Balfore: Scarecrow, Caw, Caw. Scarecrow. I'm starting to get the sense that you don't like me. I'm starting to get the sense that you don't like me because I all the things you rebel against. I'm big, powerful, accomplished, in a seat of authority and here you are trying to be a man of the people.
Crowd: Scarecrow! Scarecrow! Scarecrow!
Odin Balfore: Yah, I get it. You want to be famous, you need to be famous. You want to be the very thing you hate. Me? I've been running the same game for years. I come up, fuck shit up, rebuild then end up being a bodyguard to the boss or some sort of authority. I do that because I know whats best for business. I knows whats best for you and these people, far beyond anyone else. You? You clearly don't. You pick a fight with me, you get up on your twitter and demand a fight with me and now you think you can set your clobberin' paw on Oblivion? Nah son, it don't go down like that. So at Time Bomb, I propose a match. Nay, I'm making this match happen. Scarecrow verse Oblivion in an Inferno Ladder Match. Lets just see how much of a hot shot you really are. And my bad puns , like your bad career is intended.
The house lights die. The sound of crows cawing echoes throughout the arena, red spotlights dancing across the screaming faces of those in attendance as the ear splitting sound reaches a crescendo.
Gravedigger: Seth really needs to do something about the lighting bills, man...
A moment of Silence, shattered by a wave of cheers as The Scarecrow’s disembodied voice begins to recite, with gravel laced tones, his vengeful credo. The crowd joining in:
“A murder of crows is gathering, the fields are ripe to reap. The days of sin, follow the wind, with promises to keep.”
“And in those fateful hours, when my dawn shall duly rise. The Scarecrow shall guard them, from the devils lies"
“Men of straw they cower, fall and fear the flame. Yet I am the one, who embraces the sun. Let darkness know my name.”
The crowd breaks into cheers, acquiescing to their hero's request:
SCARECROW! SCARECROW! SCARECROW!
A moment passes, then “Red Right Hand”, by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds begins to play. As the ominous chords sing, a red spotlight appears on the stage beneath a jumbotron of strange occult symbology; Snakes slithering across the sand, a Joshua Tree bursts into flame, Wicker Men are set on fire by hooded occultists. The Scarecrow emerges from behind the gorilla curtain, his massive form cutting a dark, hulking silhouette, eclipsed by red smoke and light. Still masked in shadow, Scarecrow adjusts his right taped hand and steps forward, only now gaining detail and depth as he slowly begins his procession down the ramp. He's wearing a black, customized hoodie over his fight gear.
Kyle Steel: Standing at six foot six! Weighing in at two hundred and fifty eight pounds! From The Bowery, New York! He is DAHHH MURDAHHH MACHINNNE, DAHHH SCAREEE-CROWWW!!!
The spotlight above follows Scarecrow at a measured pace, his tall frame navigating around the squared circle. Crow sizing up the opposition within with a steely, unwavering glare.
“You're one microscopic cog, in his catastrophic plan. Designed and directed by his red...right...hand.”
The Scarecrow soaks up the cheers from the crowd before sliding inside the ring, adjusting his taped right hand once again as a way of foreshadowing his finishing maneuver. Scarecrow removes his hoodie and hands it to Kyle Steel. With a casual arrogance, Crow slumps up against a post and waves his opponent on, arms draped over the ropes in a crucifix pose, a demeanor of nonchalance tinged with cold menace.
Zach Davis: Well, the newest People's Champion gracing the ring with his appearance, with a new manager it seems.
Gravedigger: Well, with titles comes eye candy. Though I'm not certain he should get too used to that title.
Freddy Whoa: He had a hard fought match with the former champion Johnny Reb and Roy Speede. Defeating both men is not an easy task.
Then, RZA hits the poetry to a dubstep remix of 'Biochemical Equation', a collaboration with MF Doom. The fans' heads drift toward the stage where they see the image of Dan Van Slade deviously grinning on the screen. The screen flickers as a mask fades on-and-off Dan's face. Suddenly, his voice blasts through the speakers - 'EL TAIMADO!' Dan shouts as the thirteen second mark hits and RZA begins the epic clash between Dub trance and street slingin'. Suddenly - Dan Van Slade - dressed in his best Lucha Libre threads - walks intensely slow from behind the curtain.
Gravedigger: What the hell is this?
Zach Davis: I'm getting a bunch of notes, and from what I gather, Dan Van Slade has demanded that he is now considered a luchadore wrestler, and he's going by the name of El Taimado now.
Freddy Whoa: I don't know if he's trying to be serious or offensive.
Gravedigger: Whatever. This guy makes me laugh, so I'll let it slide.
Meanwhile, the fans show that there is no love for this man. Fans boo, and react appropriately.
He's wearing a black and white luchadore mask - his hair pulled through an opening in the top, the jaw cut out so that his chin and mouth are displayed; it looks like an evil Mexican clown with it's red nose, nothing elaborate. He's in an all black tight suit separated by a white leather belt that keeps it together at the waist, and that's behind the WCF Hardcore Championship. The pants are tucked into shin-high white leather boots with black skulls air brushed on the ankle. 'EL TAIMADO' is read in bold white printed down the sides of his pant legs. There's a T printed in the Superman logo instead of the Super D once proudly displayed. The top is sleeveless. He dons white elbow pads and black tape around his wrists. The costume is topped with a bright, extremely thick, gold chain around his neck where brass knuckles proudly hang. There's a fresh tattoo on his left bicep, and underneath the bright yellow smiley face that says 'Harass A Nice Day!' The ink reads: 'EL TAIMADO!' in a plain, bold, black text.
Kyle Steel: Heading to the ring - and weighing in at 251 pounds! He is from MIS...
Kyle pauses as Dan Van Slade slowly walks toward the ring. If we could see his eyes under the mesh covers - they'd be direct and attentive. He eyes the ring as Steel corrects himself.
Kyle Steel: ...He is summoned from Dan Van Slade's INNER DEVIANT...
Steel extends an arm toward Dan's direction, and the Hardcore Champion pauses for a brief moment to slap the faceplate of the WCF Hardcore Title twice, and then his chest three times. Dan points forward toward the ring.
Kyle Steel: ...The WCF Haaarrrrrrrrrrdcoorrrrrrrrrrrrre CHAMPION...
Dan then shouts the following in unison while simultaneously jabbing his index finger toward the ring.
Kyle Steel: ...ELLLLLLLLL TAIMADO...DAN...VAN...SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!
Boos. A mass eruption of hate. The now masked hardcore champion walks methodically slow to the ring, and pauses at the apron while 'Biochemical Equation' continues to spit raw lyrics. El Taimado leaps and lands feet first onto the ring apron with ease, and without needing assistance. He then grabs the top rope and slingshots himself into the ring as Kyle Steel backs up - El Taimado dives, tucks, and rolls onto his feet as he stands in the center of the ring. He unbuttons the Hardcore Championship and whips it into the air. He then rips off his thick gold brass knuckle necklace and whips it into the air with his opposite hand.
El Taimado Dan Van Slade: EL TAIMADO!
Dan shouts as he displays his title proudly. He relishes in the moment, showered with disgust, as he then walks over and hands his title and chain to the referee.
Zach Davis: Yet another man fresh off of a title win against Steve Orbit, who has recently disappeared from the WCF with his longtime partner and rival Jonny Fly. Some say the win was tainted, while others think that Orbit just didn't care anymore about wrestling at this time.
Gravedigger: Whatever. This guy can pick up the ball and carry it. And tonight, he'll show everyone why this new era of El Taimado, and everyone should be paying attention.
Both men meet in the middle of the ring, where they each hand their belts to the referee. While the referee hands the belts to the ring attendant, both men are face to face, with Scarecrow with the obvious height advantage. That doesn't stop DVS from executing a throat chop before the bell rings. With Scarecrow recovering from the cheap shot, DVS goes for a Russian Legsweep, only for Scarecrow to attack with an elbow to break the hold, before giving DVS a hiptoss into the middle of the ring, before scoring an elbow drop on DVS. Scarecrow then picks DVS up and slings him into the ropes, hitting a back body drop on DVS, as Roxxi Chainsaw seems pleased from the outside.
Zach Davis: A cheap shot by DVS, only for Cory Scarecrow to put this luchadore on his ass!
Gravedigger: This won't last long. I have faith that Dan will be the man and get the job done.
Freddy Whoa: That is if he survives this attack.
Scarecrow has DVS back up, only for DVS to score an eye rake and a low blow. The referee steps in and starts warning Dan, who innocently begs off, while Scarecrow curls up in the middle of the ring. DVS goes to capitalize on his attack, but the referee keeps him away until Scarecrow gets to his feet. Once on his feet, the referee lets DVS go, who catches an oncoming Scarecrow with a dropkick, flooring him with a vengeance, before grabbing a leg of Scarecrow and flipping himself over the body of Scarecrow, wrenching Scarecrow in half. Dan continues the assault on the legs, as he grabs the leg again, this time stomping on it with his boots, before rolling Scarecrow over for a half-crab.
Zach Davis: And now Scarecrow looking worse for wear, as Van Slade's tactics have not been totally on the up and up.
Gravedigger: He's wrestling an effective match, and it shows as he works the legs of Scarecrow. His height means nothing on the ground, does it?
Freddy Whoa: The point is how he got to this point in the match.
Gravedigger: Whatever's effective, and Dan is getting the job done.
Scarecrow manages to eventually work his way out to the ropes, forcing a break, as Dan holds on to the count of four. Upon releasing the hold, he raises his hands up over his head with a big smile on his face, as the fans jeer him more and more. He then goes over to Roxxi, and makes gestures at her from the ring, to which Roxxi spits in Dan's general direction. Dan then eventually waves her off, just in time to see Scarecrow coming at him with a clothesline...
Zach Davis: And there goes both this El Taimado and Scarecrow over the top rope right in front of us!
Freddy Whoa: And there's what happens when you showboat. And now its Scarecrow on the attack.
Gravedigger: Well, time is running short for both men, as the referee has started the count.
Both men are on their feet, with Scarecrow having the advantage, as he slams El Taimado off the mat canvas and the announcers table, before rolling him back into the ring by the count of 7. With both men in the ring and back on their feet, Scarecrow pursues DVS and scores a running bulldog from behind, before looking at the turnbuckle, climbing to the top ropes and signaling for the Twister Bomb, before coming off the top rope...
Gravedigger: HE EATS CANVAS! Taimado moves out of the way!
DVS then gets to his feet quickly, with his hands out, pandering to the fans, as the jeers rain down once more, as he points at Scarecrow and laughs at his misfortune, or so everyone thinks. Dan then blows off the fans, as he returns to a recovering Scarecrow, whom he whips into the ropes hits with a wicked knee strike to the face, before Dan goes for the pinfall...
Freddy Whoa: Barely got a two-count!
Zach Davis: There's still fight left in him yet!
Gravedigger: Perhaps a few gasps, perhaps...
Undeterred, El Taimado picks up Scarecrow and goes to set him up for a double underhook, to which Scarecrow responds with a backdrop counter, followed up with a guillotine leg drop on the fallen El Taimado. Scarecrow then grabs the legs of El Taimado and rolls him over into a LIONTAMER! Taimado manages to roll himself out of it, only for Scarecrow to fight back and lock it back in place. This continues once more, as the commentary says...
Gravedigger: And this is why DVS is one of the next potential greats. Always working against the submission holds, making it difficult to get anything locked on to him.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! DVS just grabbed Scarecrow, and somehow has reversed Scarecrow's Liontamer on him!
Zach Davis: No surprise, as he is one of the best counter-based wrestlers in the WCF today. And now Scarecrow is once again at the mercy of Dan Van Slade!
Gravedigger: El Taimado! Its El Taimado, you dumb shits!
Freddy Whoa: But you just called him DVS...
Gravedigger: Well, I can call anybody anything I want, cookie.
Freddy Whoa: MOTHERFUCK-
While that issue is getting worked out at commentary, Scarecrow manages to score the rope break, and wisely removes himself from the ring. El Taimado stays in the ring and taunts both Scarecrow and Chainsaw, as they both look to be talking about the match strategy. El Taimado climbs a turnbuckle nearest them and continues to taunt them, before going to acknowledge the fans. Scarecrow suddenly bolts upwards towards El Taimado, grabbing his head, and pulling him down off of the turnbuckles, hitting him with a hot shot off the ropes, before coming back down to the floor. Scarecrow is quick to get to his feet, though the effects of hitting the ground is seen, as he is somewhat shaky getting to his feet...
Zach Davis: And what a spectacular move by Scarecrow to get back into this match! And now for the pinfall...
Freddy Whoa: That was close!
Scarecrow doesn't waste time, as he gets to his feet, bringing El Taimado to his feet, before grabbing him by his throat, as Scarecrow vocalizes to the crowd, signaling for the Crowbreaker...
Zach Davis: NO! El Taimado escapes!
He hits the Deviant Driver!
Freddy Whoa: That's the El Taimado Conductor now! WHOA!
And he goes for the pin.
Zach Davis: The Hardcore Champion walks away with the victory!
Dan Van Slade grabs his belt and exits the ring after getting his hand raised.
Joey is sat backstage with a beer in his hand flipping his top hat onto his head then dumping it back into his hand.
Joey Flash: John Mullins. Shut your mouth. Why I’m even addressing this is beyond me, but you’ve still got one a hell of a boner for me man. Rather than all the tough talk why don’t you do something about? I’ve beat the shit out of your son enough times his own children will quiver at the mention of my name. He wants absolutely, positively no part of me in that ring. You want it so big man? Step through the ropes and see how far your tough talk gets you?
Joey Flash: Occulo is so far off my radar now I’m not even concerned with him. Good winning streak buddy, get back to me when it reaches ten in a row. You need to up your level of competition, hey let’s see, I’ll fight you a third time and give you your title shot when you’ve gone through the murderers row of opponents I’ve had to challenge.
Joey Flash: Defeat Ultimate Destroyer, Biohazard, Tyler Walker, Taz Taylor and Metal Dragon then you can put yourself on my radar again.
Joey Flash: We aren’t going to fight again Occy, you know it and I know it, we live in different worlds now. Tell your deadbeat worthless pop the same thing or maybe I will have to make you a fuckin orphan after all.
Zach Davis: There's gonna be some bad blood in this match right here.
Freddy Whoa: These two teams do not like each other. In fact, I don't think there's too many people that do like Adam Young after all the racist BS he's been spewing lately.
Gravedigger: Believe me, I got reinforcements in case A-Y tries to bring any of his boyz in the hood to the arena tonight.
Zach Davis: What does that mean?
Gravedigger: You'll see. Trust a Digger.
Voice: Cartel 4 Life!
"Raise Hell" by (Hed) Pe starts playing as Tom Joad and Chaz James step into the arena with purple laser lights filtering through smoke. They start towards the ring and Adam Young steps out behind them in a black suit, waving a Jolly Roger flag in one hand and a Confederate flag in the other. The duo of Joad and James just stare into the ring with blank stares, clearly bound under the mind control mysticism of Young. The Kings of Chaos reach the ring and stand next to it. Adam climbs up on the ring steps and the duo slides in under the bottom rope. Purple and black streamers fill the ring as A-Y waves his flags and accepts a torrent of abuse from the fans.
Zach Davis: The boos are damn near deafening. If Young's goal was to draw some cheap heel heat this week, he's accomplished it.
Freddy Whoa: Big dummy either didn't realize Memphis is a chocolate city, or he's crazy enough to not care. We got some pissed off bruthas and sistahs in the house tonight.
Gravedigger: Any of them family of yours, Freddy?
Freddy Whoa: We're not ALL related, Digger.
Gravedigger: Coulda fooled me.
Freddy Whoa: Don't start in with that racist bull, you halfbreed mawfawk--
Digger strangles Freddy, cutting him off in mid-sentence.
Zach Davis: Gentlemen, please! Show some decorum! You're going down that same path of bigotry and intolerance as Adam Young!
A-Y gets a big smile on his face as he points into the crowd.
Zach Davis: What in the hell? Are those Klansmen? And are they burning a cross in the middle of the audience!?
Gravedigger: Not for long they ain't.
As the KKK members roast a massive wooden cross, endangering the lives of countless throngs of audience members in any direction around them, a group of thick dick Mexican WAR-YAH's jump on the Klansmen and throttle them with street brawlin' tactics, including blackjacks, switchblades and brass knux. One o' dem white boys even gets shivved.
Freddy Whoa: DAYUM! Them KKKrackahs is gettin FAWKED UP!!
Gravedigger: What did I tell you fellas? Trust a Digger.
Digger's MS-13 crew beats the ever loving shit out of A-Y's ragtag band of KKK jobbahs, dropping that crucifix BAWMB on them honky foo's and kickin' they ass all the way to the back of the arena. The fans take turns punching, kicking and curb stompin them Ku Klux Klowns along the way.
Zach Davis: Good clean family fun right there.
Freddy Whoa: And look at Adam Young, haha! He's so pissed off his cheeks are turning beet red, beady bugged out eyes bulging from his cranium-- his head fixin' to explode!
Gravedigger: That's what happens when you diss the Dub See Eff Loyal. You cum correctly 'round here or your ass gettin GAWT. Don't gotta be a Doctor Remus to understand that.
The lights in the arena go black. A cheer comes up from the crowd and then mates with a chant, a MASSIVE IRREPRESSIBLE chant from every corner of the arena, from every poon and thick in attendance tonight.
Crowd: POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS!
The excitement reaches a fever pitch. The fans froth at their collective mouths in anticipation of the thick shit that's bout it bout it, ready to cum in mere moments, though they're still shrouded in darkness save for cellphone flash bulbs so y'all can't really see it but y'all can feel it. The giddy aura of the WCF Universe is instantly impregnated by the sound of a gunshot.
"Natural Born Killaz" by Dr. Dre and Ice Cube tears through the PA system like the thickness does the poon. Simultaneously, the lights come back up in full-on strobe mode with red and green flashing all about the building in every which way. White people be dancin' the Jitterbug, but hey-- at least they gettin down to them thick gangsta rap sounds. The entire crowd is vibing, smoking phat blunts, tippin them forties, motorboatin' the biggest and baddest titties.
Kaz Mazy and Bobby Cairo emerge in the crowd, being led toward the ring by their manager Bolts Quackenbush, who's waving that Old Glory Poon Guinean Flag with the hammer and sickle and them fifty stars and thirteen bars.
Zach Davis: The Poondock Saints are in the house!
Freddy Whoa: Thickest entrance in this business today, Zach. Look at them white folk dancin' the Jitterbug. Crazy ass white folk.
Bitches be gettin their twerk on as Dre and Cube pay tribute with homicidal lyrics. Bolts hurdles over the fan barrier, never wavering from that flag but waving it like the proud military veteran that he be. Cairo and Mazy hop over the barrier and present a united front as they wait for their match to begin.
Crowd: POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS!
Bolts whipping that flag into a frenzy to accommodate the patriotic legions in attendance.
Zach Davis: Godfatherdamn, I'm proud to be a Poon Guinean.
Freddy Whoa: Me too, Zach. Me too. Ain't no Poon Guineans ever held my ancestors as slaves. Just smashed that molten nigress poon, and that's alright with me. Hell, I do the same Godfatherdamn thang. Not with my ancestors, but you catch my drift.
Zach Davis: Yeah I do, Freddy. Yeah I do, and I wish I was as thick as you.
Freddy Whoa: Someday, Zach. Someday you will be. Sorry-- that was a lie.
Gravedigger: Oh shit--AY got on the horn and sent more KKK goons into the crowd.
Zach Davis: Can't your MS-13 boyz cum back and murk 'em?
Gravedigger: Naw, son. They already back at the crib smokin' fat blunts. You know how Mexicans be.
Bobby and Kaz waste no time steamrolling them KKK fools. They make a beeline toward a pair of fatass goons dressed in their finest silk sheets and--BLAW DOW!!
/R-CAIRO OUTTA NO-WYAH!! /LUBRICATION TWIST OUTTA SUM-WYAH!!
The rest of the KKKowardly goofs try to scatter, but Bolts throttles them with the business end of his Old Glory Poon Guinean Flag.
Zach Davis: Bolts lopped their heads clean off!
Freddy Whoa: And Bobby and Kaz just hit the ring! They're brawling with James and Joad! It's a Pier Six Brawl!
Adam Young is screaming at his proteges, giving them instructions as they try their damnedest to hold their own against the WCF Tag Team Champions. Eventually, the Kings of Chaos are overwhelmed by the superior tactics of the Poondock Saints. Seizing the momentum, Cairo Cactus clotheslines Joad over the top rope, landing on his feet outside of the ring. Meanwhile, Kaz springboards off the ropes and dropkicks James clear to the floor.
Zach Davis: Them Poondocks are standing tall and this match hasn't even officially begun yet!
Gravedigger: I don't think A-Y and his charges had any idea what they were getting themselves into tonight. As a great man once said: "There's levels to this shit."
Freddy Whoa: A-Y is at least attempting to regroup with Chaz and Tom outside of the ring as Zip Wingdinger hastens to broker a sense of order to these proceedings.
Kaz takes his place upon the apron, while Cairo glares at Adam Young, who stands outside of the ring.
Bobby Cairo: Get yo jibbah jabbah jobbah ass in this ring, A-Y! I'mma fuck yo crackah ass up, homie!
Young teases climbing into the ring, BUTTTT-- he shakes his head NO and climbs down from the apron.
Crowd: BOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOO! YOU SUCK, YOUNG!
In A-Y's stead, Chaz James slides into the ring and gets himself some of Bobby Cairo!
Zach Davis: Chaz and Bobby are opening up with BIG American punches, and Zip calls for the bell!
BLAM-BLAM-BLAM-BLAM! Both men are employing the "I Block Your Punch With My Face And Then Punch You Right Back In Your Face" strategy. After each man absorbs thirty consecutive punches, Chaz is the first one to blink. He tries to go low with a swift kick to the balls, but Bobby blocks it with his thick and clobbers Chaz with a vicious lariat. Bobby follows up with them pointed elbows to Chaz's spinal column and then starts workin' on that knee with stiff stomps and kicks.
Zach Davis: Bobby settin' up for that Figure Four and--
Freddy Whoa: That's my name. Don't wear it out.
Gravedigger: I said Woo!, you idiot, not Whoa!
Freddy Whoa: Freddy Woo is my real name. Freddy Whoa is just a stage name. Kinda like Gravedigger, only it's not something that a five year old would come up with.
Cairo locks in that Figure Four in the middle of the ring and piles on the pressure.
Bobby Cairo: WOO!
Bobby Cairo: WOOOOOOOO!
Chaz grits his teeth and tries to get to the ropes, but he's done been saddled with a burden that he can't quite bear. Just when it looks like he's gonna tap, Tom Joad climbs in through the ropes and breaks up the submission with a clobbering and a clamoring. Bobby tries to fight off both men, but the Kings of Chaos rally, despite the ref's protestations. Kaz, meanwhile, flies off the top rope with that diving cross body, just as Bobby CUMS OUTTA NO-WYAH!! with that Back Crackah on the crackah ass Tom Joad, sending Joad reeling outta the ring.
Zach Davis: EFFETE MALE KILLER and Tom Joad just felt the effects of that THICK tandem maneuver!
Kaz climbs out to the apron, before Bobby officially tags him into the match. Kaz goes flying off the top rope again, this time with a GOOMBA STOMP, that eviscerates a wayward and stumbling Chaz James.
Freddy Whoa: These Kings of Chaos are getting run right through by a buzzsaw called the Poondock Saints.
Gravedigger: This is what happens when you make it personal. Bobby and Kaz always wanna murk their opponents, but when you start dissing their ancestry and their family, that's when you're really playing with FIYAH.
Kaz starts to climb the ropes again, but Joad climbs onto the apron and shakes the ropes, causing a Kaz Monstuh to slip and land thick first upon the top rope. The poons in the house gasp in horror, though Kaz appears to be more annoyed than injured.
Kaz Mazy: That all ya got, fawkin jobbah? I'll show you what a thick dick Kaz Monstuh do to a redneck beeyotch!
Kaz's third arm reaches out for Joad, but he gets rolled up from behind by a Chaz James.
TW--NO! KICK OUT
Zach Davis: Chaz got the schoolboy on Kaz, but he didn't even quite get a two count for his efforts.
Freddy Whoa: Chaz is staying aggressive though. Nice jumping heel kick! He whips Kaz into the ropes now and... tilt-o-whirl backbreaker! Chaz has got something cookin' in the oven now!
Gravedigger: It's about time. Looked like the Kings of Chaos were gonna have a couple-a empty plates at the dinner table.
Chaz tags Joad into the ring. They work a double team into a powerbomb/running neckbreaker combo!
Zach Davis: Rites of Passage executed perfectly on one half of the WCF Tag Team Champions! We could have a major upset on our hands!
Joad makes the pin.
T--NO! KICK OUT
Kaz shakes his head. He wuddn't goin out like that-- he nevah goin out like a punk. Like a CM Punk, tuckin his balls and runnin home.
Kaz Mazy: Unthick muddafukks.
Joad and Chaz make a quick tag, as A-Y shouts more instructions. They go for their KRS-ONE, but Kaz Monstuh flips outta that shit, lands on his feet, dismisses Joad with a HurriCUNTrana to the floor, and drops James with that /LUBRICATION TWIST OUTTA SUM-WYAH!!
Zach Davis: Beautiful sequence by Kaz Mazy and he has the Poondocks in firm control of this match once again!
"TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!"
Freddy Whoa: What da fawk? TMNT Security is here! We saw them attack Cairo and ZMAC during that Bag of Coke match at Payback. Boy, that match was some kray-zee sheet, huh mang?
Gravedigger: You ain't lyin', Freddy. My dome still rattled from them chair shots. It looks like D-LO C-LO and Maurice got themselves some kendo sticks. They musta raided The Sandman's prop closet.
The crowd boos lustily as TMNT Security charges the ring, kendo sticks in hand. Bolts yells at them, trying to reason with his former pupil D-LO C-LO, but Calzone ain't havin' it. He shoves Bolts to the ground and climbs onto the apron. Meanwhile, Zangles is arguing with the ref. D-LO gives A-Y a wink--
Zach Davis: The former Big Time Thickness partners are apparently in kahoots once again! It looks like TMNT Security are here to ensure that the Kings of Chaos win those tag straps!
Chaz grabs hold of Kaz and tries to shove him into the kendo stick attack from D-LO, but Kaz reverses and sends Chaz toward D-LO instead. Calzone accidentally strikes James with the kendo stick and then stands on the apron gawking with his jaw on the ground as Kaz hits another /LUBRICATION TWIST OUTTA SUM-WYAH!! and makes the pin.
Zip finally pulls himself away from Maurice and turns around to see what's happening in the ring. He drops to the mat and makes the count.
Tom Joad tries to make the save--
--but Cairo drops him with that /R-CAIRO OUTTA NO-WYAH!!
Zach Davis: The Poondock Saints win! Adam Young looks furious, as do the members of TMNT Security, Diablo Calzone and Maurice Zangles! Their plan obviously did not work out tonight!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Bolts just clobbered A-Y with that Old Glory Poon Guinean Flag! A bad night just got worse for Old School!
Crowd: WE! THE POON-DOCKS!
Zach Davis: Alright, ladies and gentlemen!! We are about to get the main event underway. Thoughts gentlemen.
Gravedigger: Well, this is a very important match. This match itself is very interesting. you have Logan and Marc Mayhem on one side. then you have The Monster Oblivion and the Dark somewhat reincarnation of Johnny Reb. This match is practically a coin flip. Both sides are even.
Freddy Whoa: I have to totally agree. This will be one very interesting and very entertaing match-up.
Kyle Steel: The following match is a Number One Contenders match for the WCF Tag Team Championship. First to come to the ring...
"I've Seen The Signs" by The Blue Dawns strikes up on the speakers. The audience instantly approves of the Hotdog Kings, as Logan, and Marc Mayhem walk out onto the stage. The pair confidently heads down the ramp.
Kyle Steel: With a combines weight of 470 pounds.... Marc Mayhem.... Logan... The Hotdog Kings!!
Both Mayhem and Logan slide underneath the bottom rope into the ring, and the music fades.
Freddy Whoa: The Hotdog Kings look great.
Gravedigger: You know that the Chrono-Rippers called Mayhem and Logan The Weenie Queens.
The Jumbo-tron screen comes on.
Zach Davis: Apparently Oblivion and Johnny Reb are backstage with Hank Brown.
Hank Brown is sitting in a cheap looking wooden chair tied up with barbed wire and a yellow stained sock in his mouth. The camera angle is being dislodge, as the camera is being moved around by Reb and Oblivion. The cameraview is now very close to Oblivion and Johnny Reb.
Oblivion: YOO.... HOOOOOOOOOO!! Yo!! Weenie Queenies!! Ready for all this!!
Johnny Reb: YEA!! You little boys ready to get down and dirty?! Whoever wins gets to be the number one contender's for the tag titles. This means who ever wins....
Oblivion: IT WILL BE THE CHRONO-RIPPERS!!
Johnny Reb:...who ever wins will go after The Poondock Saints. So, the question is boys. how much?
Oblivion: How much do you two want this victory?! Not as bad as we want this victory!!
Johnny Reb: Are you two willing to go through Hell?!
Freddy Whoa: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA!!
Each corner, not just the corner posts, but each corner goes up in flames. After a few seconds the flames goes out. Logan and Marc Mayhem looks frantically around.
Oblivion: You see, bitches. You try to be funny. WE.... US!! The Chrono-Rippers... WE LOVE FIRE!!! You play around, you might just get burned.
Johnny Reb: at any opportunity, fellas we will force you two to change your name to The Crispy Critters!! We will do it!! You know WE WILL!!
Zach Davis: THAT IS SO TRUE!!
Gravedigger: Don't have to tell me twice.
Freddy Whoa: Despite popular beleife, Oblivion is not the type of ma... well, the type of creature to not mess with!!
Gravedigger: I get the feeling that those two can care less if they have fans or not. They will take over. Like they said... HOOK OR BY CROOK!!
Oblivion: Hank Brown: You have any thing to add?
Hank Brown: <muffled screams>
Johnny Reb: Okay, with that said... Monster you have anything else to say.
The crowd is anticipating for it....
Oblivion looks deep into the camera.
Oblivion: WEENIE QUEENS... YOU TWO CAN....
Oblivion/The crowd: ... CHOKE.... ON.... THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!
Mic is dropped. the camera pans along with The Chrono-Rippers leaving,, but pans back to Hank Brown still tied up.
Zach Davis: alright!! things are heating up for this Main Event. Any second, Oblivion and Johnny Reb will be coming down to the ring. Any predictions for a finish?
Gravedigger: Too close for me to decide.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!! I too have to say, too close to say. This will be one exciting match.
The house lights dim, as "Bodies" by Drowning Pool hits the speakers. Lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around a jam packed arena.
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!!
Hushed anticipation falls over the crowd, as the crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin as a spotlight illuminates the stage.
Zach Davis: something's not right here.
Hank Brown proceeds to walk down the entrance ramp, as the music continues to play. Borwn walks towards the commentary and takes a seat and puts on a headset.
Hank Brown: What's going on, gentlemen?
Freddy Whoa: Hey, weren't you just tied up?!
Hank Brown: Oh that....
Logan and Marc Mayhem continue to look down the entrance ramp. The crowd goes ballistic. The spotlights are flying everywhere to catch where The Chrono-Rippers are.
Zach Davis: WHAT THE HELL?!?!
Oblivion and Johnny Reb climb from under the ring that is across from the commentary table. The Chrono-Rippers slides into the and charge towards The Hotdog Kings, who have their back to them. Logan just turned around, as just does Marc Mayhem.
Zach Davis: CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL!! Logan is down.
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb nails MarcMayhem with a double fist to the back of the head.
Zach Davis: WCF Senior referee Stanley Moser tries to separate the competitors. Johnny Reb and Marc Mayhem will start this match!!
Mayhem and Reb circle the ring...
Freddy Whoa: both competitors ar about to hook up....
Zach Davis: Marc Mayhem pushes Johnny Reb away.
Reb charges at Mayhem...
Gravedigger: Picture perfect dropkick from Marc Mayhem to Johnny Reb.
Johnny Reb quickly gets up and charges at Mayhem...
Zach Davis: BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!! Mayhem is going for the pin.
Stanley Moser slides in for the pin pount...
Crowd: On-... NOOO!!
Freddy Whoa: Not even a one count!!
Mayhem stands up and grabs for Reb....
Zach Davis: Johnny Reb rolls up Marc Mayhem!!
Crowd: THREE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Mayhem gets up first and grabs for Reb....
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb nailed, completely nailed an unaware Marc Mayhem with a quick left jab to the face.
Reb gets up....
Zach Davis: FACEBREAKER DDT!!
The force and momentum causes Mayhem to flip over to his back. Reb runs over to a corner and flies off the top turnbuckle.
Freddy Whoa: Diving fist drop!!
Reb grabs Mayhem and throws him into the ropes.
Gravedigger: Marc Mayhem bounces off the ropes. Hey!!
Freddy Whoa: Do you guys catch that!! Logan just made a tag. Johnny Reb didn't catch it.
Mayhem bounces off the ropes, Reb drops down and Mayhem hops over him, continuing to bounce off the ropes. Reb heads off to bounce off the ropes, to gain enough speed and momentum to make contact with Marc Mayhem....
Logan grabbed Reb and pulled him, back first onto the mat. Reb is moving slowly, but eventually is slowly standing up. Logan methodically waits for Reb to stand up...
Zach Davis: One-handed bulldog!!
Logan places his right shin across the throat and questions the referee.
Stanley Moser: Get off the choke, Logan!! ONE!! TWO!!
Logan: What are you talking about, Moser. I'm not choking this poor boudle!!
Stanley Moser: THREE!! FOUR!!
Logan: Well, I guess I am.
Logan gets off the choke. Logan tosses Reb into the ropes.
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb bounces off the ropes.
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion makes the tag!!
Reb flies towards Logan....
Zach Davis: Flying crossbody!!
Reb quickly moves out of the way. Oblivion comes in flying...
Gravedigger: Oblivion drops a massive leg drop across the chest of The Mayor of Connector City!!
Oblivion picks up Logan into a hanging suplex.
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb is perched on the top turnbuckle!
Oblivion has Logan in a hanging suplex, Reb flies off the top turnbuckle into a ddt on Logan!!
Zach Davis: SOUTHERN NIGHTMARE!!
Oblivion picks up Logan and has him bent backwards, as Logan can look straight up at the house lights. Johnny Reb flies off the top turnbuckle with a flying elbow!!
Freddy Whoa: CHRONOMATIC!!
The Monster picks up Logan, who slowly stumbles around.
Gravedigger: WHAT?!? Oblivion just picked up Johnny Reb like a baseball bat and swings him and nails Logan, down to the mat.
Zach Davis: SWEETWATER SLUGGER!!
Johnny Reb leaves the ring. Oblivion picks up Logan.
Freddy Whoa: Logan gouges the eyes of The God of Insanity!!
Zach Davis: DDT!!
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb is entering the ring!!
Freddy Whoa: Stanley Moser is aware of this and stop him. Johnny Reb is arguing with him!!
Logan dips down to grab Oblivion....
Zach Davis: Blue Haze Mist in the eyes of Logan!!
Freddy Whoa: Look at Johnny Reb,. He is smiling. That was just a distraction for the referee.
Oblivion grabs a blinded Logan....
Zach Davis: Over the head belly to back suplex.
Logan lands hard. Mayhem grabs Logan and pulls him out of the ring.
Zach Davis: What's Marc Mayhem doing?!
Mayhem grabs a bottle of water from a fan and splashes it in the face of Logan. trying to get the paint out of the eyes of Logan. Mayhem is tending to Logan, the crowd roars out.
Gravedigger: There goes Johnny Reb.
Reb bounces off the ropes and heads right for Mayhem and Logan, who are standing ringside. reb bolts right at the corner. Quickly goes to the top turnbuckle, then flies off of with a corkscrew plancha... CRASHING RIGH INTO LOGAN AND MARC MAYHEM!!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!! I'LL SAY IT AGAIN!!
Crowd: THAT WAS AWESOME!!<clap-clap> <clap-clap-clap> THAT WAS AWESOME!!<clap-clap> <clap-clap-clap> THAT WAS AWESOME!!<clap-clap> <clap-clap-clap>
Gravedigger: WAIT A MINUTE!! WHAT'S OBLIVION GONNA DO?!
Oblivion was anticipating what to do. But, decides to bolt towards the corner and flies up to the top turnbuckle....
The crowd instantly is going crazy. Zach Davis, Gravedigger AND Freddy Whoa are standing up as Johnny Reb sees oblivion perched on the turnbuckle, moves out of the way....
Zach Davis: I LOVE SAYING THIS!!! OBI-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULT!!
Oblivion flies off the top turnbuckle with a moonsault and lands right on Marc Mayhem and Logan!!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!
Freddy Whoa: Did I this that correctly. I think Logan moved out of the way, barely. I think all Logan got was just a heel of the boot nailing him, on the back of the head.
Logan stands up and grabs for Marc Mayhem, They both grab for Oblivion.
Gravedigger: Here comes Johnny Reb!!
Reb runs along the ring apron, flies in the air....
Zach Davis: FLYING HURRICANRANA ON MARC MAYHEM!!
Freddy Whoa: But, at the same time... Logan just executed a a neckbreaker on The Monster Oblivion!!
Johnny Reb stands up, grabs for Marc Mayhem...
Gravedigger: Stanley Moser was too far away to see what we all did.... MarcMayhem nailed Johnny Reb with a lowblow. Mayhem kicks Johnny Reb in the mid-section. Reb bends over, Mayhem body locks Reb around the waist while standing up by their shoulders and throws Reb up over his head in a arching motion...
Zach Davis: Lights Our getwrench suplex!!
Logan grabs Johnny Reb and throws him....
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb hits hard against the ringside step. Hard enough to dislodge the top part, of the steps!! Reb is leaning against the ringsteps.
Oblivion picked up Marc Mayhem over IT's head and just drops him... RIGHT INTO A BACKBREAKER!! Mayhem collapses down to the mat.
Gravedigger: WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS THIS?!
Everyone, in the FedEx Forum pauses.
Zach Davis: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Seth Lerch runs down the ring entrance ramp wearing only a pink thong.
Seth Lerch falls down. Freddy Whoa stands up.
Freddy Whoa: EVERYONE DO THE FLOP!!
The entire second row of the side that is on the right side, of the commentary table, stands up and falls down onto their faces.
Freddy Whoa: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Gravedigger: WHAT IN THE HELL IS THE BOSSMAN DOIN'?!?!
Seth is holding a beer in one hand.
Zach Davis: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! SETH LERCH IS BEING CHASED BY A CHICKEN!!
Seth Lerch falls down again, spilling his beer, again. Seth stumbles and sees the chicken. Seth throws the beer at the chicken.
Seth Lerch: THERE'S A GIANT CHICKEN... CHASIN' AFTER MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! GIANT CHICKEN!! CHIIIIIIIIICKEEEEN!!!
Seth goes running, but finally trips over his own feet and lands face first into the crouch of Johnny Reb, accidently nailing Reb between the legs. Stanley Moser orders Logan and Oblivion back into the ring.
Zach Davis: We might actually get order in this match. Oblivion grabs Logan, tossing him in the ring. Oblivion goes into the ring.....
WCF Officials and paramedics go check on Seth Lerch.
Gravedigger: Marc Mayhem grabs the foot, of the Monster.
Freddy Whoa: Logan nails Oblivion with a scissors kick to the back of Oblivion's head.
Oblivion collapses on between the top and middle ring rope. Logan grabs Oblivion and covers him.
Mayhem grabs for Johnny Reb and picks him up....
Zach Davis: This looks like a pumphandle slam....
Gravedigger: And yes it ended up being a pumphandle slam, with Johnny Reb's body connecting with the the ringside mats. Mayhem grabs Reb and whips him back into the ringside steps....
Zach Davis: Reb whipped Marc Mayhem into those damn ringside steps. Reb slinks over, methodically, grabbing Mayhem...
Freddy Whoa: FACEBREAKER DDT!!
Zach Davis: Marc Mayhem has been busted open!!
Mayhem goes into a rage, as he slams his fists into the steel ringside steps. Mayhem rushes over to Johnny Reb, who was caught off guard and gets his head slammed.....
WHAM/CLANG!! WHAM/CLANG!! WHAM/CLANG!! WHAM/CLANG!!
Gravedigger: Johnny Reb's face is a crimson mask!!
Logan grabs Oblivion...
Freddy Whoa: Logan nails The Monster with two backhand chops.
Zach Davis: Logan nails The Monster with an enziguiri!!
Oblivion wobbles, as Logan encourages Oblivion to charge him....
Gravedigger: Back body drop!! Logan's going for the pin!!
Logan kicks Oblivion on the upper back, as The Monster sits up. THWACK!!
Logan kicks the chest of Oblivion, who is now standing. Logan comes running at The Monster and trying to knockdown Oblivion, with a running lariat.
Zach Davis: Oblivion is getting angry!!!
One half of the crowd: LET'S GO OBLIVION!!
The other half of the crowd: SHUT UP!!
One half of the crowd: LET'S GO OBLIVION!!
The other half of the crowd: SHUT UP!!
One half of the crowd: LET'S GO OBLIVION!!
The other half of the crowd: SHUT UP!!
Logan bounces off the ropes and nails Oblivion one more time with a lariat. Oblivion becomes wobbly, but continues to rage!
Gravedigger: Looks like, Logan thinks if he hits Oblivion one more time with that lariat, The Monster will fall.
Logan bounces off the ropes....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!
Zach Davis: A BIG BOOT TO THE FACE!!!
Logan down hard onto the mat.
Gravedigger: Where's Marc Mayhem going? He's coming right for us!!
Mayhem goes to town, removing the commentary covering and the two monitors.
Oblivion grabs Logan and whips him to the ropes....
Zach Davis: Logan reverses the whip and tosses Oblivion into the....
Freddy Whoa: Stanley Moser is down!! Oblivion ran him over!!
Oblivion ended up to the ropes.
Gravedigger: It looks like Marc Mayhem is there to hold down the top ring rope.
Oblivion topples over, on the ringside area, in between the ring and the commentary table.
Zach Davis: There's Johnny Reb!!
Freddy Whoa: Johnny Reb has a chair in hand.
Reb runs along the ring apron and flies off, flying towards Marc Mayhem...
A small amount of blood splatters as Reb connects a chair against the skull of Marc Mayhem. Logan leves the ring, has a kendo stick in hand and goes towards Oblivion....
Gravedigger: Once on the chest and once on the back!!
Logan was about to drops the kendo stick, but sees Johnny Reb....
Zach Davis: Logan clotheslines Johnny Reb with that damn kendo stick!!
Logan drops the kendo stick. Logan and Marc Mayhem stand up.
Freddy Whoa: Marc Mayhem is bleeding profusely!!
The Hotdog Kings grab Oblivion and face plant IT onto the commentary table. The table doesn't budge, but Oblivion head and jaw collides with the edge of the table.
Zach Davis: This match has been absolutely crazy!! Oblivion has received a laceration under IT's chin and right under IT's left eye.
The Hotdog Kings grabs Oblivion....
Gravedigger: The Hotdog Kings nails The Monster Oblivion with a Evenflow ddt, right in front of us.
Both of them grab Oblivion and perch him against the commentary table. the Kings step back....
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! HOTDOG... DOUBLE SUPERKICK!!
Oblivion ends up on the commentary table. Logan and Mayhem climb up and grabs The Monster.
Zach Davis: WHAT IN THE WORLD?!
A semi bloodied Johnny Reb flies off the top turnbuckle twisting and turning in mid air...
Crowd: HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!
The debris, from the commentary table flies everywhere. Every small piece, of the table explodes up into the air, as the majority of the table collapses down. Papers are still falling down. Every four competitors are motionless....
Crowd: THIS MATCH IS AWESOME!!!<clap-clap> <clap-clap-clap> THIS MATCH IS AWESOME!!!<clap-clap> <clap-clap-clap> THIS MATCH IS AWESOME!!!<clap-clap> <clap-clap-clap>
Paramedics immediately come rushing down to what was left, of the commentary table. Logan, Oblivion, Johnny Reb, and Marc Mayhem are being checked on.
Zach Davis: We are getting word on Seth Lerch. the word is that they have tested what Seth Lerch had been drinking tonight and his drink had been spiked with hallucinogens, probably, Extacy or What they call "Acid". No one is moving... Referee Stanley Moser is standing up and is looking confused. all he sees is people collapsed on the broken commentary table...
Slowly but surely, all four competitors of the match work their way back to the ring. Reb pairs off with Marc, Logan pairs off with Oblivion. All four men hit slow, sluggish strikes; they're exhausted.
Freddy Whoa: These guys are fighting over a shot at the Tag Titles, and potentially a shot at the World Title! They're giving it all they've got!
Logan puts Oblivion in a Headlock, and Oblivion rams him backwards... right into the ref!
Gravedigger: There goes Stanley Moser!
Moser is crushed between the turnbuckle and Logan. Logan is able to switch behind Oblivion and put him in the Sleeper.
Zach Davis: THERE'S THE FLIP!
AS LOGAN FLIPS, REB CATCHES HIM AND DROPS HIM WITH A CODEBREAKER!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Reb quickly pins Logan!
Gravedigger: There's no ref! This match could be over!
Finally, a new referee enters the match!
NO! MARC BREAKS IT UP!
Zach Davis: God damn.. God damn!
Marc lifts Reb up and hits him with a few stiff forearm shots to the head. Meanwhile, Oblivion lifts Logan up as well.
Gravedigger: IMPACT STYLE TO OBLIVION!
Logan collapses onto the body of Oblivion.
Freddy Whoa: Rollup pin by Johnny Reb on Marc!
Zach Davis: Stanley Moser is awake!
Both the new referee and Stanley Moser call for the bell!
Freddy Whoa: Stanley Moser counted Reb's pin while the other referee counted Logan's!
The two referees begin arguing.
Zach Davis: We've got quite the situation here!
Gravedigger: Who is going to move on to face the Poondock Saints?!
Natural Born Killaz hits.
Freddy Whoa: Biznass is about to pick up!
The Poondock Saints step out onto the stage, Tag Team Titles slung over their shoulders. The crowd chants for 'em.
Crowd: POON-DOCKS! POON-DOCKS!
Oblivion and Reb are arguing with one referee, Logan and Marc with the other. Cairo has a mic.
Bobby Cairo: AH-HEM!
The two teams stop arguing and turn towards the Godfather.
Bobby Cairo: I see we've got some controversy here. The Godfather is, of course, no stranger to controversy. But tonight, the Poondock Saints offer a solution. You see, Kaz and I? We're hardcore. WE'LL TAKE YOU BOTH ON!
The crowd pops!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Natural Born Thrillaz hits again as the Champs promptly exit.
Zach Davis: What a main event next week!
Gravedigger: The Chrono-Rippers vs The Hotdog Kings vs The Poondock Saints! Hot damn.
Freddy Whoa: And the winners move on to face ICE Beckman and Zombie McMorris! I can't wait!
The Hotdog Kings and the Chrono-Rippers glare at each other as Slam fades to black.