Neuroma by Fuse starts playing as Jackson White appears. He goes near Kyle Steel and steals the microphone. He enters the ring.
Crowd: BOOOO! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
Jackson White: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!
Crowd: YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!
Jackson White: You are stupid people by saying that to me. You have seen what I am capable of. I have been destroying WCF’s wrestlers since I joined this company, so maybe one day I meet you outside this arena and I destroy one member of WCF Ridiculous Galaxy.
Jackson White: Well but I didn’t come here to have a discussion with idiots. I came here to talk about the wrestler that is the most coward in WCF. You know who he is… Occulo! He may have won that Triple Threat Match last week, but let me remind all of you what happened after the match.
There is shown in the titantron Jackson White applying The Destroyer on Occulo on Slam.
Jackson White: You see… I will be victorious on Timebomb. He won’t take chance against…
For the Love of Life by David Sylvian starts playing as Occulo makes his way to the ring. He first gets a microphone and then looks at Jackson, angry.
Occulo: If you have something to say about me, say it in front of me.
Jackson stares at him really mad too.
Jackson White: I was saying that you won’t take a chance against me because you’re weak. I am obviously a better wrestler than you. Did you see my performance on Payback? I bet you’re jealous.
Occulo: Seriously? Do you really think I am jealous of you? I feel sorry for the WCF Galaxy to be listening to you saying bullshit. You make me so angry because you think you are the best wrestler in WCF but you’re not. You are a paranoid man that can’t distinguish between wrong and right.
Jackson White: Yes, I am paranoid. If your dad was murdered by someone you don’t have any idea of who he is you would be paranoid too!
Occulo: Jackson, my paranoia is a past issue for me. Your constant physical and verbal attacks on me have made me a worried man. Not in fear, no, but in concern about you. I think your Father's death is starting to have an affect on you again and you-
Jackson White: DON’T YOU DARE TO TALK ABOUT MY FATHER YOU MOTHERF…
Occulo slaps Jackson around the face. Jackson looks at Occulo and shrugs him away as he attempts to console him.
Occulo: I want to help you Jackson.
Jackson climbs over the turnbuckle and starts walking up the ramp. He stops halfway and looks back at Occulo.
Jackson White: Help me? You can't help me Occulo. Fuck you. This has just begun, I'm going to finish you and be the best in this fucking company. Just you watch!
He turns around and leaves as his music plays.
Zach Davis: We are set to kick off things tonight with a Triple Threat match!
Gravedigger: You mean we are set to kick off things with a borefest...
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
The referee calls for the bell and the match begins.
DING! DING! DING!
Dylan Tomas, Kenneth Raidon and Grime all size each other up seeing who is going to make the first move.
Gravedigger: Get on with it already!
Dylan and Grime both turn their attention to Raidon and start double teaming him.
Zach Davis: Well that ain't fair, they're both teaming up on the good guy.
Freddy Whoa: But look Raidon ain't punkin' out easy, he fighting back.
Raidon nails a strong right hand to Dylan followed by a kick to the gut of Grime.
Zach Davis: Raidon is winding up!
Boom! Raidon takes down Dylan with a big wind-up punch.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Raidon is blindsided with a huge clothesline from Grime!
Gravedigger: Shouldn't take your eye off the ball. You got to keep one eye on each opponent at all times...
Grime is going to town on Raidon with kicks. Dylan is back up and pushes Grime out of the way to get at Raidon. Grime doesn't respond well to that taking Dylan down with a reverse DDT. Grime starts going to town on Dylan this time with kicks.
Gravedigger: HA! HA! This isn't half bad...
Raidon is back to his feet and sizes up Grime and nails him with a High Knee that knocks him between the ropes to the floor outside. Raidon then focuses his attention on Dylan. Raidon grapples Dylan going for an Irish whip. Dylan reverses sending Raidon to the ropes who is then tripped up by Grime.
Zach Davis: Each time Raidon tries to build momentum he is cut down.
Freddy Whoa: The numbers are against him.
Gravedigger: That is the nature of triple threat matches...sometimes your opponents will team up against you...but it never lasts.
Zach Davis: Right because only one man can win.
After Raidon hits the mat hard, Dylan goes for the cover.
Grime is back in the ring and breaks the pin kicking Dylan in the back of the head.
Grime grabs Dylan pulling him to his feet and drops him with a DDT. Grime then pulls Raidon to his feet and drops him with a Fallaway Slam. Grime taunts to the crowd.
Zach Davis: Oooh Dylan just catches Grime off guard with a springboard DDT!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Did you see the hangtime he caught?!
Gravedigger: Meh that's what Grimes gets not staying on the attack.
Dylan and Raidon lock up jockeying for position. Both men are close in size so it's evenly matched. Dylan rakes Raidon's eyes getting the advantage. While Raidon is stunned, Dylan connects with a dropkick to the knee bringing Raidon down to one knee. Dylan sees this and starts charging towards the ropes up to no good. Dylan rebounds and is caught by Grime with a clothesline flipping him inside out.
Gravedigger: Holy shit! That was a massive clothesline.
Grime covers Dylan.
Dylan somehow kicks out.
Grime punches the mat and frustration and gets up right into a spear from Raidon who covers Grime.
This time Grime powers out.
Zach Davis: This is turning into a high octane match.
Freddy Whoa: These dudes are just trying to make a name for themselves!
Gravedigger: Sadly, I bet all three flame out over the next couple weeks.
All three men are on their feet and meet up in the center of the ring. A slugfest ensues. Raidon's punching Grime whose punching Dylan. The three men are beating the holy hell out of each other and the fans are loving it!
Crowd: WCF! WCF! WCF!
Raidon drops Dylan with a huge right hand. Grime uses this opportunity to quickly deck Raidon in the head and throw him out of the ring. He then lefts Dylan up and grabs him from behind...
Zach Davis: A BAD WRECK! What a move!
Grime drops and pins Dylan.
Freddy Whoa: Grime gets the victory!
The bell sounds.
Zach Davis: Impressive showing by Grime and Raidon here tonight!, that's for sure. Better luck next time for Dylan.
Grime gets his arm raised as Raidon looks on angrily from the outside.
The Jumbotron comes to life, displaying a live feed of the backstage area. A figure walks along, whistling nonchalantly. Dressed in black trousers with a red stripe down the leg, a red jacket with brass buttons and golden piping, white gloves, and a pillbox hat cocked at a jaunty angle; the young man carries an enormous bouquet of roses and a large heart-shaped box. He pauses a moment to get his bearings, then hangs a right. The camera follows... to find him knocking on a door marked "The Pack."
He has only a moment to wait before the door opens to admit him. The courier frowns at a note card, then at the only other occupant of the room.
Courier: Jay Omega?
At a curt nod, he hands over the loot.
Courier: From a... secret admirer. Happy Valentine's Day!
Jay Omega: Oooh! Chocolates!
Like somebody who knows something, the courier dashes out the door, not even bothering to hang around for a tip. Jay watches him go, shrugs, and turns his attention to the crimson carton of confectionery. He waits a moment more, savoring the anticipation, then throws the lid dramatically open. Omega stares at what appears to be an empty box, although his gaze seems to be tracking something.
The bouquet of roses is jostled, as if by a stray breeze. Before Jay's eyes, the flowers dry, turn brown, and decay in a matter of seconds. For no evident reason, he ducks suddenly; something brushes against a metal locker, and leaves behind bubbling russet stains of accelerated oxidation. Omega's gaze tracks across the ceiling. The fluorescent lights flicker violently. A tube falls to the floor and shatters in a cloud of mercury and glass dust.
Quick-thinking, Omega grabs both halves of the box and uses them to shield himself from some unseen force. After a moment, he cautiously peers out.
Jay Omega: Sweet, merciful Cthulhu! Are those chronovores?!
At that precise moment, the door swings open. Alex Richards stands in the door frame.
Alex Richards: Oh, there you are! Listen, you wanna --
Jay Omega: GET DOWN!
Richards hits the deck, looking around to see what, exactly, he's trying to avoid. There doesn't appear to be anything, but a sharp chill runs up his spine nevertheless. Carefully, Omega rises from his crouch.
Jay Omega: This is gonna be a long night...
That said, the Omega Man shoots past a thoroughly confused Alex Richards, chasing after something no one else can see. The image on the Jumbotron goes black.
Zach Davis: Okay, well, that was... odd.
Freddy Whoa: What, in the history of the WCF, would lead you to believe anything around here would be otherwise? For those of you just joining us, we witnessed what appeared to be a belated Valentine's Day delivery to Jay Omega from an admirer -- some flowers, and a box of candy that was inexplicably empty.
Zach Davis: Right. And then it got really weird. I wonder what he's chasing after...?
Freddy Whoa: Maybe we'll find out, after these words from our sponsors!
Freddy Whoa: The upcoming match is a battle of three new-bloods. Should be exciting!
Gravedigger: Are you kidding? This is going to be a snoozefest. Wake me up when this one’s over.
Kyle Steel: This match is scheduled for one fall…
Police sirens like those from the 1930’s era sound throughout the arena as “Mr. Untouchable” Elliot Ness steps through the curtain.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring…from Chicago, IL…weighing 200 lbs…Ellioooot Neeeeess!
Freddy Whoa: What’s that he’s hold, a Tommy Gun?
Zach Davis: Spot on, Freddy.
Gravedigger: Are you two high? That’s a fucking Nerf gun spray-painted black. Ah man, I’m pissed off at this match already. I hope whoever’s fighting this clown shoves that “Tommy Gun” up his big gaping….
“Hate Me” by Five Finger Death Punch starts up as the jumbotron shows an American flag interspersed with highlights of Tara Ravensblood’s amateur highlights.
Gravedigger: Who the…
Kyle Steel: Making her way to the ring…from Roswell, NM…weighing 120 lbs…Taaara Rrrraavensblooood!
Freddy Whoa: Here comes the first challenger.
Zach Davis: Not sure I’ve heard of her before. Perhaps we’ll see the making of star here tonight!
Gravedigger: Oh my god. Kill me now.
Tara hops on to the apron and flips over the top rope. She waves to nobody in particular as the crowd isn’t cheering.
The lights in the arena go dark as Relax by Peaches begins to play throughout the arena. A metal chair with snakes sculpted around it begins to lift from the underneath of the stage surrounded by fire as Sin sits in it stretched out with her feet dangling off the arm of one side. The crowd pops giving a mixed reaction as she stands to her feet and passes through the fire and down the stage ramp. Fans stretch their arms in attempt for interaction, but she keeps walking paying them no attention.
Kyle Steel: And finally, making her way to the ring…from St. Louis, MO…weighing 120 lbs…Sssiiiiiiiin!
Freddy Whoa: Here comes Sin, guys. At least the fans have heard of her. They’re giving her a decent welcome.
Zach Davis: Decent is more that can be said of the reaction the other two got.
Gravedigger: There’s nothing decent about this match. Except that I’m calling it…unlike the Battle Royal at XIII. Speaking of that, what the fu –
Zach Davis: Calm down, Digger. Plenty of time after the fight to ask for apologies and explanations.
Gravedigger: You shut up, Plebasaurus.
As she gets to the ring she jumps on the edge of the apron and stands on the bottom rope bouncing up and down on it as pyrotechnics shoot out from the four posts of the ring. She slams down hard into a splits position and slides her body under the bottom rope and into the ring positioning herself on her hands and knees seductively crawling to the center of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: And we’re underway!
Elliot Ness wastes no time in charging Tara Ravensblood and whipping her across the ring toward Sin. The two women collide, sending Ravensblood to the mat while Sin stumbles back into the corner. Ness stomps on the downed Ravensblood and runs toward the corner, leaping in an attempt to hit her with a corner splash. Sin ducks him in time, hitting the floor and rolling toward Ravensblood.
Zach Davis: Sin going for the early pin!
Freddy Whoa: No! Tara gets her shoulder up in time.
Gravedigger: Damnit. I was hoping she’d get the three-count and finish this early.
Ness is still holding his gut after the failed splash attempt. Sin lifts Tara up and whips her into him. Ness catches Tara though, scoop slamming her and dropping a quick elbow. Sin runs at him as he stands back up and delivers a clothesline. Ness isn’t phased by it and shakes his head at her. He kicks her in the stomach, and when she bends over he places her head between his legs and lifts her up for the powerbomb. At the top of the movement, Sin reverses it and spins down, sending Ness flying head over heels toward the center of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Hurricanrana! What a reversal by Sin!
Zach Davis: See, Dig? This isn’t so bad!
Gravedigger: Dig? Did you just call me – oh man, you need to watch yourself Zach. I’m pissed off as it is and it’s not in your best interest to exacerbate the situation. Just watch the damn match and keep me out of it.
Zach Davis: Sorry Di…sorry.
Tara is back on her feet. She runs at Sin and roundhouse kicks her in the back of the head.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Looks like Tara’s mad at Sin for stealing one of her trademark maneuvers!
Gravedigger: And which one’s that? A fucking Hurricanrana? How could you know this?
Freddy Whoa: Unlike you, I do my homework for each match I call. I saw Tara come up in the indies, I’ve…
Ness, back on his feet, runs at Tara and hits her with a running bulldog. A decent pop from the crowd ensues and Ness gets back to his feet, raising his arms and gesturing that he’s firing a Tommy Gun. The crowd starts to boo.
Gravedigger: My feelings exactly.
Sin has regained her vertical base and hits Ness with a swinging neckbreaker. Ness holds his head in pain as Sin gets back up and drops a knee to his face. She lifts him up, gets behind him, and drops him with an inverted DDT. Meanwhile, Tara is back on her feet, and she grabs hold of Sin, whipping her into the ropes. She catches Sin as she comes back around and performs a sidewalk slam, then goes for the pin.
Freddy Whoa: Ooh! Ness gets there just in time!
Zach Davis: Unbelievable! That sidewalk slam almost got Sin the win! Must have had some real force behind it!
Gravedigger: No you dumbass. Her opponent is just that pathetic. I’ve never seen such a sorry display.
Ness lifts Sin up and puts her head beneath his arms, dropping to the mat and DDTing her. He shoots back to his feet, where he grapples with Tara in the center of the ring. He kicks Tara in the gut and shoves her head beneath his legs, piledriving her onto the mat. Meanwhile, Sin has recovered and waits for Ness to turn back around to face her. When he does, she steps toward him and delivers a punishing superkick that lands square on his jaw. Ness is out before he hits the ground and Sin goes for the pin.
Freddy Whoa: No! Tara breaks it up in time.
All of a sudden Tara is attacked by Joey Flash!
Zach Davis: What's our Television Champion doing here!?
Tara turns to Flash and gets a Television Title right into her face! She drops to the mat and quickly rolls out of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: I think I saw a tooth go flying. Why would Flash attack a woman like that?!
Sin is up, and gets a Sudden Flash for her trouble!
Gravedigger: I don't think Flash cares, Freddy.
Flash picks Ness up and grapples him from behind. BOOM, LIGHTNING BOLT onto the prone body of Sin! The crowd boos like crazy as Flash kicks at both competitors fiercely.
Zach Davis: I don't get it. What is this about? What is Joey Flash's problem? I thought, at first, that this might be one of the most promising newcomers to the WCF... but with this attitude, he's squandering all of his talent.
Gravedigger: Squandering.. or making the most of?
Flash boots them out of the ring as if they're scum before standing in the middle of it and raising his Television Title high in the air.
Freddy Whoa: Side note, does anyone remember when it became a belt again instead of the crown that John Gable had melted it into?
Zach Davis: Nope. Good question.
Flash takes in all the booing before leaving, nothing but destruction in his wake.
Zach Davis: Just got word that the Hotdog Kings are arriving outside the arena.
Freddy Whoa: Oh boy.
The jumbotron within the arena comes to life, revealing footage of the front entrance outside. The camera picks up Logan and Marc Mayhem riding through the parking lot and towards on the entrance on rhinos.
Zach Davis: THE HOTDOG KINGS ARE HERE! OH MUAH GAWWD!
Mayhem and Logan are holding sticks, with hotdogs attached to strings that dangle in front of the rhinos faces to properly direct them.
Zach Davis: RHINO 3:16! RHINO 3:16! HOTDOG KINGS ARE HERE. SLAM JUST GOT HORNY!
Freddy Whoa: ...
DING DING DING
Kyle Steel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
The words "Dampshaw" come on the screen in flashy, Victorian style lettering. Dampshaw III walks down, arrogantly waving his hand not unlike the Queen.
And did those feet in ancient time
Dampshaw looks around at the crowd while walking, giving the people looks of disgust as he truly believes that he is above them.
Bring me my Bow of burning gold
Reginald slowly enters the ring and lifts his arms up in the air, looking around the arena at all the fans, a look of pure contempt and dislike on his features. Gold smoke and gold sparks come tumbling down onto him as the fans boo the hated wrestler. Reginald is uncaring in this reaction, immersed in his own self love.
Kyle Steel: Introducing first from Ryde, Isle of Wight, England, weighing in at 225 pounds… REGINALD DAMPSHAAAAWWWW III!!!!
"But the shadow still remains since your descent, your descent..." U2's "The Saints Are Coming" bursts over the loudspeakers and Steven Saint enters the stage with a flurry of white pyro above him. He eagerly makes his way to the ring, ready to wrestle as soon as he slips quickly between the ropes.
Kyle Steel: And introducing his opponent, from Perth, Scotland, weighing in at 220 pounds… STEVEEEN SAAAAIIINT!!!
DING DING DING
They start the lock up and Reginald breaks it applying an European Uppercut. Saint gets dizzy so Dampshaw starts to punch him hard in the face.
Zach Davis: Reginald starting to dominate the match!
Freddy Whoa: Dampshaw kicks Steven in the belly…
Gravedigger: He is lifting him up! Vertical Suplex!
He goes for the cover…
Saint kicks out! Dampshaw holds a Indian Deathlock and Steven screams in pain. He tries to crawl to the ropes but Reginald puts him in the center of the ring. Saint crawls again… He reaches the ropes! Reginald breaks the maneuver, gets his opponent up… Sitout Facebuster out of nowhere from Steven Saint!
Zach Davis: Nice counter!
Freddy Whoa: I’m sure the newcomers are doing their best to proof themselves to the WCF Galaxy.
Gravedigger: Steven Saint is waiting for Reginald to get up…
Reginald gets up slowly and Steven hits a strong Enzuigiri! He goes for the cover!
Reginald kicks out! Saint goes behind is opponent… German Suplex! AND ANOTHER ONE! Dampshaw is in trouble! Steven grabs Reginald’s head… An Old Inclination!!!! The crowd goes crazy! Reginald is laid on the ground! Steven is climbing the turnbuckle… HE IS GOING FOR THE FROM THE HEAVENS! NOOO!!!!! Dampshaw dodged it!
Zach Davis: If Steven Saint could hit his finisher, that would be it.
Freddy Whoa: Reginald showing that he still has the power to fight!
Gravedigger: Dampshaw getting Steven up…
Reginald lifts Saint applying a Snap Suplex. He gets Steven up again… Octopus Stretch! Saint is in trouble again… He can’t reach the ropes! The referee is asking him if he wants to tap-out… He is holding on… OH! He pushes Reginald back and he falls! Steven goes to the ropes, Reginald gets up, runs… Running Clothesline! Reginald grabs Steven Saint, climbs the turnbuckle with him… OH MY GOD! ISLE OF PLIGHT! HE GOES FOR THE COVER!
Thr-NO! Steven Saint lifts his shoulder!
Zach Davis: This is getting interesting.
Freddy Whoa: A good maneuver by Reginald!
Gravedigger: He is really angry! He is complaining to the ref!
Reginald tells the referee it was a three count and Saint appears from behind applying a School boy!!!
Th-No! Reginald kicks out!
Steven grabs Reginald’s head, runs to the ropes… Springboard DDT! He climbs the turnbuckle… FROM THE HEAVENS! COVER!
DING DING DING
Zach Davis: It’s over! Steven Saint wins the match!
Kyle Steel: The winner of this match… STEEVEEEN SAAAAIIINT!!!
As we come back to the show the fans are going ballistic in the seats ready for what’s about to come as the lights go out and the few first guitar riffs of Rock you like a hurricane starts to blast out the speakers and the pyro starts on the stage in time with the music till Marco struts out onto the stage dancing to the music as the pyros goes off around him... With a smile he points at the crowd and starts walking down the ramp clapping hands with the fans and signing a few things including the bra of a busty woman at the front row, before reaching the ring and leaping up to the apron before climbing into the ring and looking around the set of the usual leather armchairs with the large lava lamps in the corners and a table in the middle with a decanter of brandy and a couple of glasses... He struts and dances with the music for a moment before it fades out and the ring is lit up by spotlights as he walks over to the table grabbing a microphone off the table pausing a moment as people chant his name...
Marco Valintine: Well hello my lovelies we are here in San Antonio the home of heartbreak so that only means one thing people... You are here at WCF slam and that means people you are privileged to see the next installment of the Love Pad hosted by none other than The messiah of manliness, The doctor of definition, The sultan of sexual, The human temple of perfection, The emperor of epicness, The Senator of Sexiness, The Incarnation of Incredible, The ambassador of awesome, The titan of titillation, the embodiment of exceptional, the host with the most and The Quintessential Ladies Man Marco...
He takes a deep breath and strikes a pose for a moment and the fans fall silent as he brings the microphone back to his lips...
Marco Valintine: She wanted embroidered on pants and her bra a message that told him that he'd gone too far.
A motif that read to me this "If you can read this, You're much too close, so give it a miss." She told me "Certainly Modern," the saleslady said. "In what kind of script would you like it read? Copperplate? San Serif? Bold wouldn't fail." She thought for a moment and then she said… Braille. I read it last night and I felt the wetness and she went completely breathless and a knew that she liked the shtick cause later that night she was sucking my dick until I gave her my salty lick… Valintine...
He pauses again as the men chant his name and the women scream his name, clearly soaking in the adulation from his fans they fall silent again as he brings the microphone back up to his mouth...
Marco Valintine: Now everyone I have to admit i have a great guest for you all tonight... I know i say this every night but this time I mean it more than ever before because this is a man I wanted on my show from day one and finally he agreed to come on the show for all of you people... Now I'm a huge fan of this guy even though I am not a very religious dude I am sure he will forgive me this is THE ONE... THE ONLY... THE PEOPLES MINISTER AND THE HOLY FLAME OF WCF... THIS IS STEEEL... TOOOEE... JOOOOOOOEEEE!!!
The fans go nuts as the arena darkens to show the neon blue and white lights flicker to the beat and pulse of “Cells” by the Servants. Fog fills the entrance ramp and then coming out from the midst of the fog in a slow and meticulous manner, Steeltoe Joe is greeted by fans who are chanting, cheering, and shouting at his very appearance. Joe smiles. He makes a motion around his waist and then makes a motion around, over-his-shoulder-like signifying of course in the wrestling industry that he has “Gold-Fever” running through his veins. Joe walks down the ramp, flexing, raising his arms up to pump up the crowd and slapping a few of the fans hands. Joe gets to the ring steps, looks at Marco Valentine, and you can tell that there is a mutual smile from the both of them. A smile that tries to hide the fact that they are both loving the crowd’s reaction and think what is going on this very moment is “Epic.” Joe walks up the steps, ducks under the ropes and grabs a microphone from the ring announcer when he gets in the ring. He raises his arms up one last time to get a huge pop from the crowd and then Marco chimes in…
Marco Valintine: Welcome to the Love pad Joe its awesome to have you here please take a seat...
Steeltoe Joe: Actually my Friend, Marco… I prefer to stand. Tonight im in a tag match because apparently I have a few friends backstage that wanted to give me a small opportunity to kick the sh*t out of Ice Beckman before I move onto the next mission in front of me. I am so pumped about tonight I can’t sit broski! Seriously! You hear this crowd?!?!?!
The crowd gets loud again, but this time with a very interesting Chant…
Crowd: Love Pad **Clap, Clap, Clap!!!** STJ **Clap, Clap, Clap!!!***, Love Pad **Clap, Clap, Clap!!!** STJ **Clap, Clap, Clap!!!***
Marco and Joe looks excited as Joe continues.
Steeltoe Joe: How can you sit with a rowdy crowd like this? It’s as if the Ice Age is already gone because the People still love, respect, and adore… Steeltoe… Joe!!!
Marco Valintine: Its awesome to have you here dude, and yes, this reaction is the biggest for the Love Pad thus far, now then dude my first question... Everyone knows how seriously you take your faith has it been difficult to be able to blend together that and your love of wrestling over the years?
Steeltoe Joe: Yah know Mr. Sultan of Sexy, Marco Valentine… I get that question a lot. When I first came into the business long ago, it was a hard adjustment, but I remembered what God, the Holy One, Elohim himself had spoken to me… That he was going to take all that anger, hate, and variance I had towards the World… That fire of wrath I had from a life I didn’t want… And he was going to harness it as his “Holy Flame” and use the Wrestling Industry to prove that you can be a Christian, you can be a priest, you can be the “People’s Pastor” and that you can still whoop some @$$ and knock some teeth out while still doing God’s Work… The way I see it, if God wanted me to use this fire, to fight other fires, because my God is the ultimate “All Consuming Fire” and there is no other flame that burns brighter than the one I hold in my heart. Sure, some will look at me and call me a hypocrite, or a sinner like the rest, and I just may be, but my faith is in him and him alone, and he has kept this tank full, running over the recommended mileage and still going strong. In this industry and in this world there will always be a “Necessary Evil” derived from God’s wrath on sinful deeds that have yet to be acknowledged and forgiven, and at times there will be a hell of a lot of “Collateral Damage” but it is what it is and like I said… In order to usher in the “People’s Era, The Era of the Flame, the time of Armageddon Now” we must destroy the world as it stands this day, and build it a new. Those like you who follow me and believe in me, will experience success as kings in this new era… So is there a conflict? To some yes… As far as me, I am just like anybody else except I have the experience, the platform, and the calling to kick some teeth in along the way. Get ready Marco because soon things are going to get interesting. I am God’s tool for judgment, rebuke, and punishment for those who can’t see the folly of their ways and just simply “Beliiieeevvvvvveeeeeeeee!” So there is a monster inside of me, but he is only dangerous to those who cross my path or try to redirect my destiny.
Marco Valintine: Ok thats cool how ya have been able to keep it all balanced like for example what has recently happened to you... I for one know how much preparation you must have put into that world title match and to fall short is gutting... What i want to know is how are you feeling about it after a couple of weeks afterwards, have you been able to get over your loss or is it still bugging you?
Steeltoe Joe: Short answer, No… Long answer… Yes… Let me explain. I prepared my @$$ off for that match and I knew I had just as much of a chance of walking out with that title as Ice did, but there are some things we must have patience to conquer. Will Steeltoe Joe defeat the Ice Age and Conquer the Vapor Kings… The definite answer is a resounding YES! Because what I have said before, I will say again… People like Ice, come around quite a bit. They make a quick rise, have some dominance and a great reign, but time is never on their side, because in time, their time will be no more. It is the natural progression of life my friend, seasons come and go. Kings rise and fall. Empires are built and just like that, they are wiped away. Think about the Persians, Babylon, the Grecian empire, and even the Roman Empire, all had quick and amazing rises to the top, but when they had a chance to give the one true living God the glory for their rise, they praised kings, statues, and politicians, so their fall was inevitable. Ice can’t stop the ticking time bomb which is his great fall from the throne, and when he is out of the picture, even though I lost my battles with him… I will at one point win the war. Im over the loss, because I have a date with destiny, and you can never stop destiny, and you can only delay it for so long. Eventually the will of the Holy One will be done.
Marco Valintine: Well I for one thought we saw the best from you in that match but not the very best, I can tell man you have a lot more to give the world of WCF by being able to take Ice as far as you did and you made everyone stand up and pay attention because you are a true threat to that title that hangs over Ices shoulder in my not so humble opinion...
Steeltoe Joe: Marco, I agree… I know every match, and every week is a chance I have to get better. Even though ive been in this industry for a long time… I know I can learn, and I know I still have some untapped potential, but all in due time, “God’s time.” We will see Joe at his best, and there will be a time when he becomes not only the WCF World Heavyweight Champion, but it will cement my Legacy by making me a Grand Slam Champion as well, one of about a dozen… It will be done.
Marco Valintine: Do you think a rematch could be in the cards? I know everyone would love to see that wouldn't you guys?
He holds up the microphone as a massive YES! chant sounds out around the arena...
Steeltoe Joe: They answered it… I say Hell’s Yes, and I know it will happen eventually, but there will be a time and a place, right now I, along with a few others have made it clear where I belong, and I am going to go back to my roots and force my hand of influence from there…
Marco Valintine: Ahhhh I think I know what you are talking about! You told me about this andf I support it!!! Let’s let them know about it… Now dude since we are on that subject, I know you have been keeping yourself busy lately also... You told me of something you had planned, a Twitter petition? You told me it will be at @thepeople’sPastor.com? I for one will definably sign it under several different names already plan on doing so, and I encourage all of you (Marco points to the crowd) and everybody to do so... Now i got to ask bringing this on after your loss to Ice whats your thinking dude? Please explain this to us…
Steeltoe Joe: Well it is simple… I have some friends in power, behind the scenes, and Seth has no choice but to put me where I am supposed to be, and that is going after the PEOPLE’S CHAMPIONSHIP one more time and showing people that I made that title, I gave influence to that title, and I will be getting my strap back because that title belongs to me!!!
The fans cheer as loud as anybody has heard tonight.
Steeltoe Joe: The Twitter Petition will go up tonight after the show. If we all sign it, including the superstars backstage, I have been told that Seth will be forced to put me back in a position to get that Championship back around my waist or over my shoulder.
The fans cheer again!!!
Marco Valintine: Now you are on a quest to be the peoples champion again? What made you think to go for that title again?
Steeltoe Joe: Simple thinking really… Let me explain… Ice may be the World Heavyweight Champion and have his Era of the Ice Age, but it is clear that “The People” want something different. So while Ice can be the World Champ, I will forever and always be the Champion of “The People.” Getting that Championship back will be a symbolic gesture that the Ice Age is not what the People want, and that there will be a Champion they can claim as their hero, savior, and zealous scrapper who will never give up. If I get the People’s Championship back, there will no longer be One throne in WCF with Ice sitting on it and Buddy Roman as his feet, and there will no longer be the “Vapor Kings.” There will be two thrones, two kings, and two eras colliding at the same time. Just as when the polar axis shifted pinning two powerful forces together on ONE WORLD, the literal Ice Age, and the Era in which the Sun would bring New Life and fashion new lands with greater opportunities, this will happen in WCF, because Ice will be on one throne with his Kingdom, and I will be sitting on the throne that the people propelled me to, with my kingdom in opposition to his. Only time will tell who survives, but like I said… The odds are not in Ice’s favor.
Marco Valintine: That is epic dude, and as you know you have a guaranteed vote from me when you go for that title again man, because I know that like me you love the fans because they are the ones that ensure we get paid every week... They are the reason that we are here to begin with and the peoples champion needs to know this most of all above any other title in this company... You deserve another shot because you truly represent the people my man and to WCF management give this man a shot... Now dude to change the subject for a while now you have been teaming up with Gonzo Deuce in Apocalypse now. Inc... How has that been going for you so far?
Steeltoe Joe: It’s exciting. Deuce is like a true brother to me. One I never had and it is amazing seeing this man who should be dead, doing the stuff he does and I hope one day he gets his chance to shine at the top as the WCF World Heavyweight Champion. From what it looks like right now, he is going to have to dispatch the “Pack” again but this time hurt Omega and the rest of them so bad that they have to collect a disability Check. Deuce is awesome, and I plan on having his back until I can’t breathe on my own.
Marco Valintine: I can imagine him being a current champion here in WCF can be an encouraging influence to you seeing a friend succeed is awesome but i have to imagine there is a level of professional competitive spirit between the two of you, is there anything like that?
Steeltoe Joe: Really no… We started this thing not really as a faction, but and anti-faction, we wanted to just be two guys who had each other’s backs, did their thing, and got sh*t done. We praise each other when we achieve great things, but we both know that if we ever have to face one another… There is an understanding that we will beat the holy hell out of each other to get the win. Its not personal, its just how we are, and we respect each other for it. If he ever beat me, he’d still be my brother in arms, and likewise he feels the same.
Marco Valintine: That's cool, in my opinion you need that person there to drive you to be better... Now then we need to wrap this up dude I'm sorry is there anything else you want to say?
Steeltoe Joe: I think we covered it all, but dude… I do want to say… This show is one of the best things to come to WCF!!! Am I right or am I right?!?!?!
Joe points to the fans and they cheer as loud as they can.
Marco Valintine: Nice dude, thanks again for being here man and thanks for the props... Now this has been another episode of Love pad with Marco Valintine and The Holy Flame Steel Toe Joe I will see you all next time...
Kyle Steel: This match is scheduled for ONE FALL...
Voice: Time to go to school.
Smoke fills the entrance and white lights filter threw as "Reach Down" by Temple of the Dog starts playing. Out walks Adam Young in a black"Old School" t-shirt with white letters on it followed by Tex Sayles. He stands there for a moment and then starts towards the ring with boos ringing threw the arena. Adam looks around the arena with a evil smirk on his face and a icey stare in his eyes. A huge burst of pyro goes off back at the entrance as Adam circles the ring. Adam climbs into the ring and throws his tee into the crowd. Black and purple streamers fly into the ring from the crowd.
Kyle Steel: Introducing first, from Alibene, Texas... weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds... THE VILLAIN... ADAM YOUNG!
As "Get Born Again" by Alice in Chains begins to play throughout the arena, the lights dim low. Red lights begin to flash on the stage as Mikey eXtreme slowly walks through the curtain. Making as little eye contact with the crowd as possible and talking to himself/"Doc," he makes his way down the aisle and slides into the ring. He starts to run his hand through his hair, tugging and pulling every so often as he leans and bounces on the ropes.
Kyle Steel: And his opponent... from Brooklyn, New York... weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds... MIKEY EXTREME!
Zach Davis: Who's Mikey talking to?
Gravedigger: Eh, supposedly he hears voices. Or has an imaginary friend. Kids these days.
Freddy Whoa: Musta smoked some foul shit.
Gravedigger: Oh no. I don't think so. Not with WCF's strict drug policy.
Zach Davis: ... Right. Anyway, ref is calling for the bell!
DING DING DING
The two men circle each other before locking up. Young gets Mikey in a side headlock, but Mikey shoves him off. Young spins around and catches Mikey with a right hand before locking up again. Mikey goes behind Young with a waistlock-- but Mikey reverses it into an arm wringer. He yanks down on Young's arm, but The Villain hits him with a back elbow to break the hold.
Zach Davis: Right back where we started.
Freddy Whoa: Mikey eXtreme had a hell of a debut last week on Slam. You guys see that?
Gravedigger: Uh... we were sitting right here calling the match with you, Freddy.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa.
Both men face each other again and they tie up, but Mikey rakes Young's eyes! Young stumbles back and Mikey eXtreme quickly launches a superkick!
Freddy Whoa: X Marks the Spot!-- NO, Young drops down and rolls out of the ring, avoiding the kick!
Gravedigger: You're not gonna get a thirty second victory over Adam Young, kid.
Young barely has time to regroup outside when Mikey eXtreme comes flying out of the ring with a suicide dive!
Zach Davis: Both men crash into the guardrail!
Freddy Whoa: This kid really IS crazy!
Mikey slowly gets up and brings Young up with him. He whips Young into the ringpost, and Young falls flat on his back. eXtreme rolls into the ring and begins talking to himself again. The ref begins a ten count but Young is already on his feet outside.
Young rolls back into the ring and he's met by stomps from Mikey eXtreme. Mikey pulls him up and plants him with a DDT, before going for a pin.
Freddy Whoa: No! Adam Young kicks out at two.
Mikey pulls Young up and begins hammering him with forearms and elbows. He backs Young into the corner and continues working him over with stiff punches. Mikey pulls him out of the corner and whips him to the opposite corner... he charges with a big boot, but Young dives out of harm's way!
Gravedigger: Veteran instincts from The Villain Adam Young.
Zach Davis: And Mikey eXtreme is caught up in the ropes after running crotch first into the turnbuckles... ouch.
Young grabs eXtreme from behind and rolls him up!
Freddy Whoa: THREE-- NO! Adam Young almost had him! I thought he had him.
Both men roll to their feet, but Young catches Mikey with a spinning wheel kick. Young slips behind Mikey and locks his waist, hitting a big release German suplex.
Zach Davis: Adam Young is a WCF mainstay. Years in the game. He's often overlooked by some of the bigger names in the company, but he is as much of a WCF veteran as anybody.
Gravedigger: Young is the guy that will surprise you with a victory when you least expect it. He's dangerous in that way.
Mikey is laid out, Young dives off the second turnbuckle with a fist drop before pinning Mikey eXtreme.
Zach Davis: Shoulder up at two!
Young keeps Mikey on the mat with a few stiff shots to the head. He grabs Mikey's legs and splits the wishbone before stomping him in the groin. He then twists the leg and applies a figure four leglock!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa, Mikey eXtreme is in trouble!
Gravedigger: There's a lot of buzz in the back about this kid, especially after his dominant win last week. A loss to Adam Young tonight will not help his case at all.
Zach Davis: What's wrong with losing to Adam Young?
Gravedigger: That's not what I-- shut up, Zach.
Mikey yells in pain as Young tightens the hold. He tries to inch towards the ropes, but they are too far away. The ref asks Mikey to quit but he won't. He refuses to tap.
Freddy Whoa: Not looking good for Mikey eXtreme right now.
After a few more painful moments, Mikey begins to rock from side to side.
Gravedigger: He's trying to reverse it! If he can turn over onto his stomach... he's gonna do it!
Mikey turns over and reverses the pressure of the hold! Now it's Young yelling in pain as he tries to break free, which he does rather quickly. Both men are slow to their feet but Young gets there first. He approaches Mikey but Mikey punches him in the gut! Young doubles over, Mikey with a slap across Young's face! And then he slaps his own face!
Gravedigger: The crazy bastard is getting fired up!
Mikey gets to his feet and begins hammering Young with right hands. Shot after shot and then a big kick to the gut. Mikey bounces off the ropes and drops Young with a big boot to the head!
Freddy Whoa: Mikey eXtreme connects with the boot this time!
Young is down. eXtreme pulls him up off the mat by the back of his neck and lifts him up off the mat by his neck...
Gravedigger: Here it comes--
And he slams Young down into a facebuster!
Freddy Whoa: XPLOSION! Whoa!
Zach Davis: Here's the pin!
DING DING DING
"Get Born Again" by Alice in Chains hits the PA.
Zach Davis: Mikey eXtreme with another victory!
Freddy Whoa: Well, all those people wondering if last week was a fluke-- here's your answer. Mikey eXtreme is here and he's here to whoop ass!
Mikey celebrates by talking to himself in the ring as Young rolls out and heads to the back.
Gravedigger: Yeah, he's had a couple of good weeks. We'll see what happens when he gets in there with some tougher competition.
Freddy Whoa: After these two back-to-back victories, I'm sure he's well on his way to bigger things.
Backstage once more, we find ourselves in what had been a tastefully decorated office at the beginning of the evening, but which is now littered with broken bottles, spilled booze, and puddles of vomit and urine. Sitting behind the desk off to the side is the creator of this mess, WCF owner Seth Lerch. A half-full glass in one hand and a half-empty bottle of Scotch in the other, Seth looks to be on the verge of drunkenly passing out; so about usual by this point in the show. Lerch's head droops closer and closer to the desk, when the door to his office explodes inward in a spray of splinters and sawdust. Seth looks up with wild and bleary eyes as Jay Omega dashes into the room, holding a heart-shaped confection box in one hand and the lid in the other. Jay leaps about the room, opening the box and clapping it closed again on the empty air. Lerch watches in silence and takes a sip of his Scotch, when Omega dives forward onto the desk; clapping the box closed a fraction of an inch from the boss's nose and spilling the drink clutched in Seth's hand.
Seth Lerch: Hey! That was the finest three year old Scotch I could find for less than ten bucks! That's coming out of your pay!
Jay Omega: Yeah, cool, whatever, can't chat, gotta run, fate of the Multiverse, blah blah blah, bye!
Omega bolts out of the room again, still clapping the box from time to time. Lerch shakes his head and mutters to himself as he pours another drink. After the first sip, Seth pulls back and looks at the glass in his hand with the level of surprise and wonder you can only reach when you're Seth Lerch drunk.
Seth Lerch: Why does this three year old Scotch suddenly taste like ten year old Scotch?
The owner doesn't contemplate his good fortune for long, and instead shrugs and takes another drink before the camera cuts away.
Kyle Steel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the Television Title!
Dr. Feelgood hits the speakers and as the main riff blasts through the arena, Doc, and Mary emerge on the stage.
Kyle Steel: Introducing the challenger; from Griffen, Georgia…weighing in at 245lbs…Mervin…Doc…Henry!!
Freddy Whoa: Doc Henry, a seasoned vet here in the WCF maybe going to show Joey a few things here
Zach Davis: He will, Joey is about to get taught how to lose his damn title.
Gravedigger: Are you out of your fucking mind? Joey’s going to hold on to his title in that death-grip of his. Doc sucks.
Looking around, he raises his fists in the air, the crowd cheering wildly as he then leads the way to the ring. Climbing up the steps, he holds the Ropes for Mary, who slinks lithely through. Doc steps trough the ropes and grins proudly as he hands T'e Confederate Championship to Mary.
The arena lights dim as the crowd buzz begins to build to fever pitch. The music begins and lingers for a moment before Joey Flash in all his glory emerges from behind the curtain staring at the crowd.
Kyle Steel: And his opponent; from the Bronx, New York…weighing in at 220lbs…he is the Television Champion…Joey Flash!!
Freddy Whoa: Prestige doesn’t come packaged like it does with Joey Flash. He’s STILL the champ!
Zach Davis: Pah. It all ends tonight
Gravedigger: Were you born a moron Zach or did you catch it off a two-bit whore?
He floats regally down the aisle bathing in the atmosphere and stopping to shake the hand of anyone who desires it. He circles the ring not once, but twice. Delaying his entrance and the match even further riling the crowd before sliding into the ring and sitting down in one of the ring corners staring at his future foe with both apathy and disgust.
The referee holds the title belt aloft as the two wrestlers take their corners. He shows it to all four corners of the arena then hands it to the ringside official.
Joey immediately legs it towards Doc and clotheslines him to the mat, followed by a swift knee to his jaw. He then falls to the mat with him and wraps his arm around Doc’s throat. Doc rolls over and he attempts to escape. Joey releases him, stands up and lands an elbow drop to Doc’s chest. He allows him to get up and hits him with a few boxing jabs, left right left right and finally a kick to the gut followed by a loud suplex to the mat.
Freddy Whoa: Ferocious start by the champ here. Different to his usual calm and considered approach at this phase of the game
Zach Davis: He’ll burn out and lose in no time
Gravedigger: You’re wrong. Joey has boundless energy.
Joey covers for an early pin and down goes the ref…
Doc kicks out and Joey bounces to his feet. Doc shakes his head and ducks a clothesline, grabbing Joey as he goes past and planting him with a neckbreaker. He covers..
Joey kicks out with ease and the two of them stand up and lock horns.
Freddy Whoa: Equal footing so far. Both men going for the early pinfalls.
Zach Davis: See. Was never going to be easy.
Gravedigger: False sense of security. That’s all
Doc drives a knee into Joey’s gut and moves behind him before hitting him with a German Suplex, he doesn’t let go though, and hits him with another suplex, and a final third. Doc quickly walks over to the turnbuckle and crouches down waiting for Joey to get up. He does so, but is immediately flattened by Doc’s Confederate Rocket diving spear!
Freddy Whoa: Out of nowhere Doc is in the driving seat!
Zach Davis: Matter…of…time boys.
Gravedigger: Fuck sake Zach
Doc gets up but to his astonishment Joey is on his feet, and he floors him with the Lightning Bolt! Both men fall to the mat and lay motionless. The referee starts to count them both out after checking.
Joey rolls sideways and out of the ring. He lands on his feet and walks over to the timekeepers area, grabbing a microphone.
Joey Flash: So it comes down to this? I’m going to make an example here. These matches you’re throwing at me won’t get rid of me, I’m going to walk through Henry and I’m going walk through anything you throw at me. Get ya big boy pants on Lerch, you’re dealing with something far beyond anything you’ve had on your roster before. If you want rid of me you’re gonna need a much bigger arsenal than this. I’m waiting cocksucker.
He throws the microphone away and turns to face Doc who spears him to the mat. The crowd cheer and back Doc, who climbs the turnbuckle. He raises his arms and lands on Joey with the All-in Shooting Star Press! He hooks Joey’s leg and the ref drops…
Freddy Whoa: That was pretty close!!
Zach Davis: Shit. Do it again!!
Gravedigger: What a pathetic move. I mean seriously.
Joey grabs Doc’s leg and pulls him down before mounting him and smashing some lefts and rights to his face. He pauses for a second, and then loudly slaps him across the face to a chorus of boos from the crowd. Joey gets up and the ref checks on Doc. Joey frowns and lifts the ref up by his collar, before slapping him across the face.
Freddy Whoa: How fucking unnecessary
Zach Davis: DQ!! Strip him off the title!!
Gravedigger: He deserves it. I’ve always hated that referee. Slappable face got slapped.
The ref goes down like a sack of potatoes and Joey leaves the ring once more, this time to grab a steel chair from under the ring. He slides back in and smacks the flat of the chair straight on to Doc’s face with full force. He climbs the turnbuckle and mimics Doc. Instead of hitting him with the shooting star press though, he takes the chair, and flips that through the air. It lands on Doc and Joey leaps off the turnbuckle, elbow dropping it into Doc’s ribcage.
Freddy Whoa: Well it’s illegal, it’s a mockery and it’s downright disgusting.
Zach Davis: It’s a scandal! It’s an absolute disgrace
Gravedigger: It’s Joey Flash!
Joey gets up laughing and stomps his ribs a couple of times. Another referee runs down the ramp and enters the ring. Joey simply drops down and covers Doc.
Joey gets up and grabs the ref, before throwing him over the top rope before he can count 3. He picks the chair up again and smashes it into Doc’s chest. He covers him. Another ref enters the ring but this one keeps his distance from Joey. He quickly counts
Ding ding ding!
Joey flips Doc over and shoos him out the ring. The ref grabs the belt and gives it to Joey before raising his arm and quickly evacuating the ring before he meets the similar fate of the other officials.
Kyle Steel: Here is your winner and STILL the Television Title Champion…Joey Flash!!
Freddy Whoa: Well. He’s still Champ. If I’m not mistaken I think Joey has got his sights in tearing up the tournament that starts in a couple of weeks. This match was just a chore for him
Zach Davis: I hate him. I actually hate him.
Gravedigger: Love it! Great job Joey! Champion!
As we come back from commercial, Seth Lerch is standing in the ring. He has Biohazard and Tyler Walker on one side, Kevin and George on the other.
Gravedigger: Seth Lerch has found some heavy hitters for protection here tonight.
Seth Lerch: Before anything, I'd like to say that a lot of people thought that Odin Balfore and I could never get along as authorities. But Odin has been doing a fantastic job in his official duties. Which, of course, brings me to Scarecrow.
Pop from the crowd!
Seth Lerch: Yeah, yeah. This Scarecrow guy seems to think he's hot shit. He's gotten under Odin's skin, and at Timebomb, he's out of the frying pan and into the fire. I hear he's unhappy with tonight's match, he wants to fight Odin Balfore, blah blah blah. Well, Scarecrow, I've got news for you-
Scarecrow's music hits!, and the crowd pops. Scarecrow doesn't just step on stage; he runs to the ring and slides in, ready to fight, steel chair in hand! Biohazard and Walker attack first and are promptly smashed in the head with chairs. George and Kevin attack next; Scarecrow shrugs off their offense, hits Kevin with a chair and then hits a Murder of Crows onto George!
Zach Davis: Hot damn! Scarecrow just took out four men!
Seth has backed into a corner.
Seth Lerch: SCARECROW! Calm down! I just want to talk! There's no need for all this violence!
Scarecrow practically laughs.
Seth Lerch: You know, now that you're calmed down, I've got to say... You're a bit of a joke. Rumor has it you didn't like tonight's matchup teaming you with Dune and DVS because it'll hurt your merchandise sales!?
Quick shot of the crowd shows lots of people with Scarecrow shirts.
Seth Lerch: You're a sellout, Scarecrow. You're in this game for the money, plain and simple. You should be WITH me, not against me. We could make you money without you having to fight in ridiculous inferno matches. Odin Balfore knows this, and he's right. You don't have to be our enemy, Scarecrow.
Scarecrow scoffs and takes a mic from Kyle.
Scarecrow: You just don't get it, Seth. Neither you nor Odin. I've never HAD money before. Wealth has been nothing but an illusion to me; I had nothing growing up and I've lived on the road since then. This Title-
He raises the People's Championship.
Scarecrow: This fame... This is a new reality for me. But what ISN'T new is the greed and bitterness of others. You thought I'd be gone by now, Seth, just another rookie that enters the company and disappears a week or two later. But here I stand, Title over my shoulder... the only Title that matters to a man like me, one for the people. The people need a voice, and this belt is the megaphone.
Seth Lerch: Come ON! Blah, blah, blah. You're as bad as Steeltoe Joe. Everyone Johnny Come Lately that wins the People's Championship lets it go to their head - people this, people that. I see you've decided to embrace this little role for yourself instead of actually allying with me, fine. In that case, I've got two men who would like to speak to you. Or should I say, two monsters.
Scarecrow: I don't care, Seth. I'll do what I do best. Destroy your monsters.
With that said, With Oden By Our Side hits and Odin Balfore and Oblivion step onto the stage. Seth grins as Scarecrow stares daggers into them. Odin and Oblivion both march towards the ring and slide inside.
Zach Davis: Seth Lerch, Oblivion, and Odin Balfore aligned... Never thought I'd see the day.
As they enter the ring, Oblivion gets in the face of Scarecrow, this gets the crowd REALLY REALLY excited. The arena is shaking, as the crowd stomp their feet, slam their hands against the security barrier.
Oblivion: These Meatsacks want to see blood!!
Crowd: BLOOD!! BLOOD!! BLOOD! BLOOD!! BLOOD!!
Oblivion: IT IS SICKENING TO SEE BOTH YOU AND ODIN BALFORE FLEXING YOUR PUNY PATHETIC ITSY-BITSY TEENIE-WEENIE HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR MUSCLES!! You are so sad Scarecrow, you talk about your sad pathetic experience with the government. How they pumped you up with psychotropic drugs and left you for dead!!
Oblivion pauses for a monet, as IT takes a step back. Oblivion quickly gets back into the face of Scarecrow.
Oblivion: WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF THE MONSTER!! We can stand here all God damn night, swappin' stories how the Government destroyed our lives!! WAH.... WAH.... WAH.... GET THE FUCK OVER IT!! You talk about internal struggles! IT has this... this... insatiable hunger. Complete uncontrollable hunger for flesh. Take what IT WANTS... NEEDS. You want to get involved in the world of The Monster, then you better be prepared for the consequences!!! Do you think that your flesh can handle what desires your heart wants?! Don't let your mouth write checks, that your ass can't cash!!!
Oblivion: What will it be boy.... DO YOU WANNA DANCE WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOON LIGHT?! You're reaching for the stars!! Are you willing to risk the chance of an astronomical fail?! LADDER INFERNO MATCH!! Look at the scars of Oblivion's masked face and body.
Scarecrow looks away, out of defiance.
Oblivion: LOOK AT THEM, GOD DAMN IT!! What is it?! With all you boo hoo stories, you can't handle looking at charred flesh?! Does it make you feel queasy?! Is that your true fear... FIRE?! Seth Lerch... LET IT HAPPEN!! At Explosion.... Scarecrow.... Oblivion.... LADDER INFERNO MATCH!! Unless...
Gravedigger: OH MY GOD... THIS IS GETTING GOOD!!
Zach Davis: Unless, what?
Gravedigger: SHUT UP!!
Oblivion: Unless... YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY!!!
The arena nearly explodes with thunderous roars of cheers, from the crowd. Scarecrow, pause for a second, then quickly gets in the face of The Monster Oblivion.
Scarecrow: I accept.
Freddy Whoa: THE MATCH IS ON! WHOA!
Scarecrow: And when.. NOT IF, WHEN.. when I beat Oblivion, yet another former WCF Champion under my belt.. Odin Balfore, at Explosion, I want you.
Big pop again. Odin shows no fear; he chuckles.
Odin Balfore: You? Beat Oblivion? Hah. You got it, Scarecrow. If you make it out of that match alive, I'll face you at Explosion.
Another big pop!
Odin Balfore: But that isn't quite fair, is it? Seth already booked a hell of a World Title match for Timebomb, I'll give him that, but we don't have any plans for Explosion yet. So Oblivion, congrats buddy. If YOU win, Oblivion, you will receive a World Title shot at Explosion!
Oblivion cracks his neck, ready for the challenge.
Oblivion: Scarecrow... YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!!!
Zach Davis: There you have it! Scarecrow versus Oblivion at Timebomb in an Inferno Ladder Match, and if Scarecrow wins, he faces Odin at Explosion... if Oblivion wins, he gets a World Title shot!
Seth slaps both Odin and Oblivion on the backs, saying good job. The three men leave the ring as Master of Puppets plays. Scarecrow plays to the crowd as we go to commercial.
For the Love of Life - David Sylvian starts playing and every light in the arena comes at their brightest. Occulo makes his way to the ring through the crowd, reaches the barrier and the music stops. The screen shows grey CCTV footage of an unknown location for a few seconds and then goes back to his normal video with the music continuing. He slides into the ring and rest on the ropes with his arms outstretched.
Kyle Steel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Washington DC, weighing in at 220 pounds... OOOOOOCCULOOOO!!!!
Zach Davis: This will be an intense match, Occulo and Jackson White started a rivalry last Slam when “The Fenix” attacked Occulo after he won the match.
Freddy Whoa: You’re right Zach, Jackson got really angry about losing and he applied his “The Destroyer” on Occulo.
Gravedigger: They even switched a few words on Twitter after the match.
The house lights dim, and the arena fades to darkness, accompanied by red and orange mood lighting. The cameras pan around the sold out arena showing the members of the WCF Galaxy waiting in anticipation. Soon a distinct sound of multiple horses galloping is heard. With this the cameras pan back to the stage as we see entrance graphics employing visuals of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The horsemen utter the words “Apocalypse Now”, when suddenly two columns of fire shoot from the sides of the stage as “My Apocalypse” by Metallica begins to play.
The flames on the stage continue to burn and an explosion is heard as a blast of smoke was set off at the back of the stage. Fog and dry ice begin to envelope the stage as the music continues to play.
Feel thy name extermination
Kyle Steel: And his partner, weighing in at 315 pounds, from Your Darkest Fears...The Manifestation of Devastation...A-A-A-APOC-A-LY-Y-Y-P-P-S-S-S-EE-E!!
Brown strobe lights begin to flash throughout the arena as Apocalypse enters by a lift in the stage between the flames, and standing in the midst of the smoke. As the strobe lights reflect off the crowd, we see the faces of the mixed reaction by the crowd, some cheering, and some booing. The Epitome of Brutality stands there staring over the crowd for a few moments and the fire, smoke, mood and strobe lights die down.
So we cross that line
The house lights come on and Apocalypse then starts to head down the ramp, with a slow intimidating walk, as the fans marvel at his size. Some are brave enough to reach their hands out to touch him. Before he nears the end of the ramp the Wicked One stops and makes his way over to a young child. He stares at the child before him; suddenly he pulls out some of his hair, squeals, and hands over his hair to the child before flashing a goofy smile. He then reaches the end of the ramp, steps up onto the ring apron and over the rope with ease. Once in the ring he makes his way over to a corner, sits down, and starts rocking like a baby as “My Apocalypse” by Metallica fades out.
Zach Davis: This guy is a monster.
Freddy Whoa: I don’t think he is even human!
Gravedigger: This man will dominate every single wrestler on WCF, you’ll see.
Neuroma by Fuse starts playing and Jackson White walks slowly to the ring with the hoody looking down then he enters the ring and stretch both of his arms looking up and some pyrotechnics blast from the corners.
Kyle Steel: Now introducing their opponents, first from Oporto, Portugal, weighing in at 247 pounds… JACKSON “THE FENIIIIX” WHIIIIIITEEEEE!!!
Zach Davis: This young man unleashed his rage on Occulo last week on Slam after losing the match.
Freddy Whoa: Well he affirmed that he didn’t lose the match because he didn’t get pinned.
Gravedigger: I like his style, he does whatever it takes to win and he is confident.
The lights go out for a moment suddenly a load of Fireworks explode from the ramp as Rock you like a hurricane by The Scorpions blasts out of the speakers, the a spotlight shines on the stage and lasers shoot out bathing the arena wild with color and Marco leaps onto the stage as Michelle walks along by next to him, dancing in time with the music he strips out of his jacket and trousers with fireworks going off behind him.
Marcus: Introducing the competitor, weighing in at 210 pounds and coming to us from Los Angeles California.... This is... The messiah of manliness, The doctor of definition, The sultan of sexual, The human temple of perfection, The emperor of epicness, The Senator of Sexiness, The Incarnation of Incredible, The ambassador of awesome, The titan of titillation, the embodiment of exceptional, the host with the most and The Quintessential Ladies Man. Marco Valintine.
Zach Davis: The emperor of epicness! I love this guy!
Freddy Whoa: Let’s see what he brings to this match!
Gravedigger: I think he should have more nicknames.
Strutting down the ramp he claps the hands of the fans that are at ringside before leaping to the apron, after dancing a little more he leaps onto the top rope turning a 180 before moonsaulting into the ring landing on his feet as fireworks shoot out of the ring posts... He walks around the ring pointing at his fans as his music switches off he sits in the corner waiting for the match to start.
DING DING DING
Marco Valintine and Apocalypse start the match. The first one is a little afraid of him but they go for the lock-up and Marco goes to Apolcalypse’s back trying to git a Release German Suplex. He can’t lift the beast and he headbutts “The Senator of Sexiness”. APOC gets him up. “Irish Whip” against the corner! He now lifts Marco over the turnbuckle, grabs his arm and his head… Superplex!!! He goes for the cover…
Marco quickly lifs his shoulder. This one is laid on the floor, APOC goes to the ropes, runs… Body Splash! He is grabbing Marco… Abdominal Stretch!
Zach Davis: Apocalypse is dominating the match!
Freddy Whoa: Marco is too far away from Jackson to make the tag…
Gravedigger: That’s what you gotta do on this matches, keep your opponent away from his partner and punish him until he no longer has the energy to fight.
Apocalypse holds the submission hold for a while but then Marco hits his elbow on APOC’s face a few times and he breaks the maneuver. Marco gets up, runs to the ropes… Pele Kick on Apocalypse! He gets up quickly, lifts Valintine… He reversed it! Hurricanrana on the monster! The crowd is cheering! “The messiah of manliness” reaches near APOC… He is going for the Standing corkscrew moonsault… Apocalypse dodges it! Marco hits the apron! Apocalypse lifts him up… Chokeslam! Ouch! APOC now grabs his head… Sleeper Hold! Marco Valintine is in trouble! Apocalypse holds the submission for a few seconds but Marco punches him and breaks it. “The doctor of definition” runs to the ropes… OH MY GOD! SPRINGBOARD TORNADO KICK ON APOC! He goes outside! Marco stares at him outside, waits for him to get up… He runs… SUICIDE DIVE! THE CROWD GOES CRAZY!
Zach Davis: Apocalypse and Marco are on the ground.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! What a maneuver by Valintine!
Gravedigger: “The Fenix” is now trying to get his partner up.
Zach Davis: But so is Occulo!
Jackson White and Occulo stare at each other and both of them trade punches really fast. Occulo gains the advantage and knocks White down. Occulo lifts him up… Powerslam! Next to them Marco is putting Apocalypse on the ring and covers him.
“The Manifestation of Devastation” kicks out! White and Occulo stopped fighthing and they are both in their corners. Marco tags with “The Fenix”. APOC is laid down with his head still in pain and Jackson starts punishing him with strong punches. He lifts him up, applies a “Irish Whip” against the ropes… Oh! Back Body Drop!
Zach Davis: How the hell did Jackson White lift that beast?
Freddy Whoa: Now “The Fenix” is climbing the turnbuckle.
Gravedigger: Occulo is distracting him! OH MY GOD! Fenix jumps to occulo and hits a Diving Clothesline!!! Occulo is outside on the ground! Jackson enters the ring, Apocalypse kicks him in the belly… Asylum Slam!!!! Cover...
Marco interrupts the counting! Apocalypse stares at him... Marco is frightening! APOC is reaching Valintine… Jackson grabs him, kicks him in the belly… THE DESTROYER!!!! OH MY GOD! But Occulo interferes! Jackson pushes him away and he hits the referee! The referee is down! Occulo hits White in the throat… Oesophagus Bureau!!! Occulo is going for the Subliminal Message... Marco runs to the ropes... Handspring back flip tornado ddt! Occulo is down, Marco stands next to him... CUPIDS WINGS!!!!!! Marco puts Jackson White above Apocalypse and wakes the referee… He starts a slow count.
Thr-No! Apocalypse lifts his shoulder! He is now crawling to tag with Occulo that is already recovered… He does the tag! Occulo starts stomping “The Fenix” that is still laid down. He then grabs his head… Sleeper Hold! Jackson is in trouble… He is trying to get up, Occulo holds him harder, but White gets up and reaches the ropes. Occulo breaks the maneuver. He grabs Jackson’s head, but he turns to Occulo… What a slap from White!
Zach Davis: Jackson White showing no respect for Occulo.
Freddy Whoa: Jackson applies a Clothesline on Occulo!
Gravedigger: He falls but gets up really quickly, hits Jackson in his belly… Swinging DDT!
Occulo grabs Jackson, lifts him up, pushes him into the ropes… BIG BOOT BY JACKSON! He crawls to Marco… Tag! Marco gets Occulo up… Knee head! And now he is running for the ropes… OH MY GOD! BEAUTIFUL HANDSPRING BACK FLIP TORNADO DDT! He climbs the turnbuckle… THE CLIMAX!!!! He goes for the cover…
Apocalypse interrupts the count! Marco applies a “Irish Whip” and sends the monster outside the ring. He then stands next to Occulo… He fails the Standing corkscrew moonsault! Occulo moved! Occulo is trying to tag Apocalypse… Marco tags with Jackson, he runs to Occulo and kicks him in the head! He moves Occulo away from his partner… Belly-to-back Suplex!! Occulo stays down, Fenix climbs the turnbuckle, waits for Occulo to get up… MISSILE DROPKICK!!!! He goes for the cover!!!
Zach Davis: Almost three!!! Occulo kicked out!!
Jackson White gets frustrated and starts stomping Occulo really hard. He gets him up, applies a Toe kick, points to the sky… HE IS GOING FOR THE DESTROYER! Occulo reverses it and performs a Hurricanrana! Marco asks for the tag… Jackson does it! He runs to Occulo… Another Hurricanrana! Marco gets up slowly… Occulo hits Valintine’s throat! Oesophagus Bureau! Occulo preparing his knee… SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE! Cover!
DING DING DING
Kyle Steel: The winners of this match… Occulo and Apocalypse!!!
Freddy Whoa: What a match!
Gravedigger: Occulo gets an important win for his team!
Chelsea Armstrong is seen backstage, about to head to the ring for her match. She comes up to a monitor showing the ring as well as the titantron. Making a quick glance at it she’s brought to a halted stop as something flickers over the screen, taking a few steps back she looks at the screen again with an image of confusion over her face. Suddenly the lights go dark. Calliope music can be heard, along with the faint laughter of children. A piece of parchment paper appears on the titantron, words burning their way across it.
You may pull the skeletons out of your closet and bury them You may hide your misdeeds behind a curtain You may pretend that none of it ever happened But the ghosts of the past rarely go away that easily.
March first… that’s all the time you have left Chelsea. Cherish it.
The parchment disappears, and the lights come back on. Still standing there is Chelsea staring at the screen as concern has washed over her face; she spins around glancing behind her as no one else is seen except the stagehands. Shaking her head she takes off in a walk turning into a jog, headed to the ring.
Zach Davis: Uh... well, Chelsea Armstrong is up next as the former members of the Pack take on our Champions!
Zach Davis: Now it's time for the first of two six man tag team matches scheduled for tonight, although this match consists of two teams of three, not three teams of two like our main event.
Freddy Whoa: I don't know which match I'm lookin' forward to more. That main event is going to be epic to say the least, but the Pack has been on fire ever since they returned at Payback. I hope for their sake that the team of Dune, Scarecrow, and DVS can--
Gravedigger: El Taimado.
Freddy Whoa: Excuse me?
Gravedigger: Get it straight, it's El Taimado.
Freddy Whoa: El Taimado, DVS, Yokoshimana, what's it matter?
Gravedigger: It matters because you're disrespecting one of the greatest lucha libre artists to ever set foot in a WCF ring, you dumb ni--
Zach Davis: And here comes Scarecrow!
The house lights die. The sound of crows cawing echoes throughout the arena, red spotlights dancing across the screaming faces of those in attendance as the ear splitting sound reaches a crescendo. A moment of silence, shattered by a wave of cheers as The Scarecrow’s disembodied voice begins to recite, with gravel laced tones, his vengeful credo. The crowd joining in:
“A murder of crows is gathering, the fields are ripe to reap. The days of sin, follow the wind, with promises to keep.”
The crowd breaks into cheers, acquiescing to their hero's request:
SCARECROW! SCARECROW! SCARECROW!
A moment passes, then “Red Right Hand”, by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds begins to play. As the ominous chords sing, a red spotlight appears on the stage beneath a jumbotron of strange occult symbology; Snakes slithering across the sand, a Joshua Tree bursts into flame, Wicker Men are set on fire by hooded occultists. The Scarecrow emerges from behind the gorilla curtain, his massive form cutting a dark, hulking silhouette, eclipsed by red smoke and light. Still masked in shadow, Scarecrow adjusts his right taped hand and steps forward, only now gaining detail and depth as he slowly begins his procession down the ramp. He's wearing a black, customized hoodie over his fight gear.
Kyle Steel: Standing at six foot six! Weighing in at two hundred and fifty eight pounds! From The Bowery, New York! He is the reigning People's Champion... THE MURDEEERR MACHINNNE, THEEE SCAAARRRE-CROOOW!!!
The spotlight above follows Scarecrow at a measured pace, his tall frame navigating around the squared circle. Crow sizing up the opposition within with a steely, unwavering glare.
“You're one microscopic cog, in his catastrophic plan. Designed and directed by his red...right...hand.”
The Scarecrow soaks up the cheers from the crowd before sliding inside the ring, adjusting his taped right hand once again as a way of foreshadowing his finishing maneuver. Scarecrow removes his hoodie and hands it to Kyle Steel. With a casual arrogance, Crow slumps up against a post and waves his opponent on, arms draped over the ropes in a crucifix pose, a demeanor of nonchalance tinged with cold menace.
Zach Davis: Yes, the People's Champion is approaching the ring, and you've got to wonder if he's suffering any adverse effects from that battle royal he competed in, just two days ago.
Freddy Whoa: That match was tight. I thought for sure Scarecrow had it won at the end.
Gravedigger: That was bullshit; I wasn't even asked if I was interested in being ringside.
Zach Davis: That's right; you weren't there.
Freddy Whoa: For those of you at home who missed our semi-unsanctioned event, and you 'Digger, allow me to recap. Just two days ago, Seth Lerch held an invitational battle royal to determine the new number one contender for Dune's Internet Championship.
Gravedigger: And speaking of the Internet Champion, here he comes now.
The lights fade and “Heat Miser” begins in the darkness. Smoke pours out just beyond the entrance as two beams of golden light move slowly around the arena. Dune appears as the last burst of smoke issues. His cold eyes remain fixed on the ring as he makes his way down the ramp. He slides into the ring and is quick to his feet in the center, where he raises his head to the rafters as each corner post issues a final hiss of smoke before the lights come on again.
Freddy Whoa: What, no introduction for Dune?
Zach Davis: You know as well as I do that Kyle Steel only says what he's told to. If a wrestler can't be bothered to provide him with intro info, that wrestler doesn't get an introduction.
Gravedigger: Whatever. Look at this guy; he doesn't need an introduction. That aura of confidence and power rolling off him is all the introduction he needs.
RZA hits the poetry to a dubstep remix of 'Biochemical Equation', a collaboration with MF Doom. The fans' heads drift toward the stage where they see the image of Dan Van Slade deviously grinning on the screen. The screen flickers as a mask fades on-and-off Dan's face. Suddenly, his voice blasts through the speakers - 'EL TAIMADO!' Dan shouts as the thirteen second mark hits and RZA begins the epic clash between Dub trance and street slingin' Suddenly - Dan Van Slade - dressed in his best Lucha Libre threads - walks intensely slow from behind the curtain. There is no love for this man. Fans boo, and react appropriately.
He's wearing a black and white luchadore mask - his hair pulled through an opening in the top, the jaw cut out so that his chin and mouth are displayed; it looks like an evil Mexican clown with it's red nose, nothing elaborate. He's in an all black tight suit separated by a white leather belt that keeps it together at the waist, and that's behind the WCF Hardcore Championship. The pants are tucked into shin-high white leather boots with black skulls air brushed on the ankle. 'EL TAIMADO' is read in bold white printed down the sides of his pant legs. There's a T printed in the Superman logo instead of the Super D once proudly displayed. The top is sleeveless. He dons white elbow pads and black tape around his wrists. The costume is topped with a bright, extremely thick, gold chain around his neck where brass knuckles proudly hang. There's a fresh tattoo on his left bicep, and underneath the bright yellow smiley face that says 'Harass A Nice Day!' The ink reads: 'EL TAIMADO!' in a plain, bold, black text.
Kyle Steel: Heading to the ring - and weighing in at 251 pounds! He is from MIS...
Kyle pauses as Dan Van Slade slowly walks toward the ring. If we could see his eyes under the mesh covers - they'd be direct and attentive. He eyes the ring as Steel corrects himself.
Kyle Steel: ...He is summoned from Dan Van Slade's INNER DEVIANT...
Steel extends an arm toward Dan's direction, and the Hardcore Champion pauses for a brief moment to slap the faceplate of the WCF Hardcore Title twice, and then his chest three times. Dan points forward toward the ring.
Kyle Steel: ...The WCF Haaarrrrrrrrrrdcoorrrrrrrrrrrrre CHAMPION...
Dan then shouts the following in unison while simultaneously jabbing his index finger toward the ring.
Kyle Steel: ...ELLLLLLLLL TAIMADO...DAN...VAN...SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!
Boos. A mass eruption of hate. The now masked hardcore champion walks methodically slow to the ring, and pauses at the apron while 'Biochemical Equation' continues to spit raw lyrics. El Taimado leaps and lands feet first onto the ring apron with ease, and without needing assistance. He then grabs the top rope and slingshots himself into the ring as Kyle Steel backs up - El Taimado dives, tucks, and rolls onto his feet as he stands in the center of the ring. He unbuttons the Hardcore Championship and whips it into the air. He then rips off his thick gold brass knuckle necklace and whips it into the air with his opposite hand.
El Taimado Dan Van Slade: EL TAIMADO!
Dan shouts as he displays his title proudly. He relishes in the moment, showered with disgust, as he then walks over and hands his title and chain to the referee.
Gravedigger: One of the greatest Hardcore champions in WCF history, right there.
Zach Davis: He's only held the belt for two weeks, what's so great about that?
Freddy Whoa: Well, he did beat Steve Orbit for the title.
Gravedigger: Plus, he's a masked luchadore. Remind you of anyone?
Zach Davis: Psicosis?
Freddy Whoa: Juventud Guererra?
Gravedigger: What? No! A hardcore luchadore, just like...
Zach Davis: Super Calo?
Freddy Whoa: Villano Four?
Gravedigger: Fuck you both.
Kyle Steel: And their opponents...
The lights dim again, save for a trio of spotlights that search the crowd. "Cynics & Critics" by Icon for Hire blasts through the arena, and the crowd erupts with a massive pop.
Kyle Steel: At a combined weight of seven hundred twenty-eight pounds, Chelsea Armstrong, Alex Richards, and Jay Omega... THE PACK!
The trio of spotlights settle on three separate stairways in the audience, and cheers rise up from those sections as Chelsea Armstrong, Alex Richards, and Jay Omega make their way down to the security railing. As one, they all hop over the barricade and surround the ring, then climb up onto the apron. Alex and Omega enter first, while Chelsea remains on the apron, never taking her eyes off the team assembled before her. Jay and Richards walk over to Armstrong, and both step on the bottom rope while pulling the middle one up, and Chelsea steps through the gap. A short stare down ensues between Chelsea and referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy when he attempts to "check her for foreign objects", but Omega interrupts, and shoos the official away. Armstrong nods at Jay, then claps Richards on the shoulder as she and Omega step out onto the apron.
Zach Davis: The Archduke of Mass Confusion starting things off for the Pack, and it looks like there's already trouble brewing across the ring.
Freddy Whoa: There's definitely some dissension in the ranks with these cats. Dune's trying to take charge, but the Scarecrow's having none of it. And DVS doesn't even look like he's paying attention.
Gravedigger: El. Fucking. Taimado. Get it right, or I'll smack you all the way back to Africa.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! I was born and raised in America!
(DING! DING! DING!)
While Dune and Scarecrow argue between them over who will start the match, DVS brashly pushes between them, and saunters toward Richards. With that settled, O'Shaughnessy instructs the other two champions to exit the ring, which they do, if grudgingly so. Dan and Alex lock up, and DVS quickly slips out to the side, wringing Richards' arm. DVS drives the point of his elbow into Alex's shoulder twice, then releases him with a slap to the back of the head. Richards takes exception to this blatant disrespect, and spins around faster than his bulk would suggest to plant Dan into the canvas with a lariat. Van Slade rolls to his feet almost immediately, and the two men tie up again. DVS brings his knee up into Richards' ribs, then transitions into a side headlock. Alex wastes no time in lifting Dan off his feet, and slams him into the mat with a belly to back suplex.
Zach Davis: Tag made, and now Chelsea Armstrong is in the ring.
Freddy Whoa: DVS trying to get away from that series of hard stomps to his masked face.
Gravedigger: El Taimado manages to break away from Armstrong and get to his feet, but Chelsea is right on him with a bunch of elbow strikes to the head!
Once DVS has been softened up a little, Chelsea hits the ropes for momentum and comes back with a flying lariat. Or tries to, since Van Slade ducks under it and catches her in a rear waistlock. Armstrong wraps an arm and a leg around the top and middle ropes to block an attempted German suplex, and elbows her way free. DVS staggers back a few steps, and Dune reaches over the top rope to tag himself in. Dan rounds on his partner, who completely ignores him, but before anything can come of it the ref steps in and forces Van Slade out onto the apron. Chelsea and Dune circle each other for a moment, then Dune steps in to lock up, but Armstrong avoids contact and slips to the side. A pair of quick kicks to the lower back arches Dune's spine for a moment, but he turns on Chelsea before she can fire off a third. The imposing masked man tries for a collar and elbow again, but Armstrong ducks out of the way once more.
Zach Davis: Armstrong making great use of her speed advantage. If she can keep this up, she just might provoke the Internet champion into acting rashly, and making a mistake.
Freddy Whoa: Yeah, or she might run out of steam with all this quick dodging, and leave herself open to attack.
Not one to lose his cool so easily, Dune merely tracks Chelsea's movement and persists in advancing on her. Armstrong takes a chance and finally ties up with Dune, only to have the man immediately overpower her, and send her flying backward with a shove. Chelsea hits the mat but rolls with the momentum, coming to her feet in the Pack's corner, where she tags in The Omega Man. Jay hops over the ropes and charges straight for Dune, who eagerly meets him halfway with a back elbow to slow Omega down. Jay takes the hit square in the face, but shrugs it off and raises one hand, looking for a test of strength. Dune interlaces his fingers with Omega's, then buries his boot deep in Jay's midsection to double him over. The Internet Champion grabs The Omega Man by the waist, then hoists him up and throws him down with a gutwrench powerbomb, followed by an elbow drop before Jay can recover.
Zach Davis: Dune taking the fight to the ever unpredictable Omega Man, not giving him a chance to try following Chelsea's strategy of elusiveness.
Freddy Whoa: Another quick elbow drop from the Sandman; he don't want to let Omega up.
Gravedigger: Should he? A third elbow drop! And whether Dune wants to let him or not, Omega rolls away and gets to his feet.
Jay bounces on his toes and claps his hands, then waggles a pair of finger guns at Dune like "this guy", before he charges in with a bicycle kick, which Dune bats aside. Omega twists with the shift in momentum, throwing a back elbow that Dune blocks, followed by another from the other side, which Dune turns into a glancing blow as he avoids most of the impact. Jay turns to face the bigger man, and the Internet Champion clamps a hand around Omega's throat. Jay latches onto the arm, then twists and pulls, bringing Dune down to the mat in an armbar. Omega wrenches on the limb, applying as much torque as he can, while referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy checks on Dune.
Jay Omega: TAAAAP!
Spanky O'Shaughnessy: He said no, break it up! Break it up! 1! 2! 3! 4!
Gravedigger: The fuck?
Slightly more confused than usual Omega releases the hold, then shrugs and turns to tag in Alex Richards once more. The number one contender for Dune's Internet Championship re-enters the ring, while Dune climbs to his feet giving O'Shaughnessy an odd look. The two competitors lock up in the middle of the ring, and jockey for position. Dune manages to force Alex back a step, Richards pushes forward two. Dune tries to transition to a side headlock, but Alex slips out the back and clubs Dune with a massive forearm. The Internet Champion turns around and retaliates with a haymaker that rocks Alex back on his heels, followed by a knife edge chop. Spanky gets in Dune's face, warning him about the use of a closed fist. Dune doesn't outwardly acknowledge the ref's warning, instead laying in another knife edge chop. Once more, O'Shaughnessy warns him about using a closed fist.
Freddy Whoa: What the hell is wrong with this ref? There's a world of difference between a chop and a punch!
Zach Davis: I'm not certain, but I believe he's warning Dune about NOT using a closed fist.
Gravedigger: That's my kind of referee.
Uncertain, Dune clenches a fist, which receives a thumb's up from the official, then drives it into Alex's jaw. the Archduke shakes his head to clear it, then fires back with a right hook of his own. Fists fly back and forth, the pace increasing with each blow struck, until Richards takes advantage by kicking Dune in the shin. The unexpected offense does the trick of distracting the Internet Champion long enough for Alex to grab him by the back of the head, run him to the edge of the ring, and throw him over the top rope. No sooner do Dune's feet touch the floor, than Spanky claps his hands, points at El Taimado, and waves for him to enter the ring. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, DVS obliges and steps between the ropes once more.
Zach Davis: No tag made, but referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy inviting DVS back into the competition--
Gravedigger: It's El Taimado, for fuck's sake! And you don't need to tag under lucha libre rules! You are both so unbelievably ignorant! I'm done! I can't even! Joder tu madre, te pinchazo ignorante!
In a fit of rage, Gravedigger leaves the broadcast team, continually swearing in very loud Spanish, and goes to sit at the Spanish announce table instead. Unaware of the change in his opponents, Richards leans over the top rope to throw a few verbal barbs at Dune, punctuated with the word "hashtag" every so often. Because of this, El Taimado creeps up from behind and slaps on a sleeper hold. Alex struggles valiantly, twisting and turning as he throws his elbows backward, seeking DVS' ribs, but El Taimado shifts with him, preventing the points from procuring purchase. Richards begins to flag, his arms flailing less urgently with each second, and he goes down to one knee. DVS keeps up the hold, leaning over Alex in order to apply maximum pressure. This proves to be his undoing though, as Richards grabs hold of El Taimado's legs and lifts him in a piggyback position.
Zach Davis: This does not look good for Dan Van Slade.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! The ring's shaking from that impact! Can you imagine have a guy like Alex Richards pancake you like that?
Zach Davis: I'd really rather not. Richards making the cover now.
Gravedigger: Uno! Dos! No! Tan cerca de la victoria!
Zach Davis: Odd; it seems our broadcast partner is still plugged into our audio channel.
Rather than argue with the official, Alex instead tags in Chelsea, who repeats her previous actions by putting the boots to El Taimado's masked face. After a few hard stomps, DVS catches Armstrong's foot and surges up from the mat, putting the leader of the Pack on her back with a single leg takedown. El Taimado quickly grabs the other leg looking for a slingshot, and launches Chelsea chest first into a neutral corner. DVS scrambles to his feet as Armstrong staggers back out of the corner, and catches her with a German suplex. Arms clamped firmly around her waist, El Taimado drags Chelsea back to her feet, and delivers another German suplex. He pulls her up one more time, then mimics Richards' actions, and throws Armstrong out of the ring. Omega immediately hops over the ropes, but doesn't take more than two steps before O'Shaughnesy cuts him off.
Zach Davis: Spanky O'Shaughnessy now forcing Jay Omega back out onto the apron; apparently the lucha libre rules only apply to the team of Dune, DVS, and Scarecrow.
Freddy Whoa: Well, they are the only team with a luchadore.
Stymied, Omega does as he's told, while El Taimado waits for his opportunity. As Chelsea begins to climb back to her feet, DVS shoots the ropes on the opposite side, charges across the ring, and soars over the top rope with a graceful plancha that drives Armstrong back down to the ground.
Gravedigger: El Taimado con una maniobra audaz! La increíble capacidad de este hombre!
With the legal participants outside the ring, referee Spanky O'Shaughnessy shrugs his shoulders, then waves both teams into the ring. Meanwhile, Spanky himself slips out the other side, just in time to catch a concession vendor and buy himself a bag of cotton candy. Omega, Richards, Dune and Scarecrow all enter the ring; Alex pairing off with Dune, while Omega charges straight at Scarecrow. Very little finesse is on display between Alex and Dune, all of it coming from the latter. Which isn't to say that he has all the offense, it's just that Richards fights with all the grace of a drunken elephant wearing stiletto heels. Scarecrow makes full use of his obvious power advantage over Jay, flinging the smaller man about the ring as though he were a rag doll. On the outside, Chelsea finds her second wind, and does her best to fight off the assault brought to bear by El Taimado.
Zach Davis: Will all the chaos going on right now, I'd normally say that the referee has lost control, but since he instigated this, I'm almost at a loss for words.
Freddy Whoa: Pity it's "almost".
Zach Davis: What was that?
Freddy Whoa: I said DVS just hit the ringpost. After Chelsea reversed that Irish whip.
A rapid fire string of kicks and punches continually backs El Taimado up, until the dazed deviant is leaning heavily against the Spanish announce table. Armstrong winds back and delivers a huge European uppercut that knocks DVS up onto table. Simultaneously, Scarecrow takes hold of The Omega Man in the ring, and whips him toward the corner closest to where Chelsea and Van Slade are. Jay runs up the turnbuckles, then leaps over Chelsea's head with a Frog Splash onto El Taimado, turning the Spanish announce table into nothing more than a large pile of kindling.
Gravedigger: Sagrado mierda!
Armstrong leaves DVS to Jay's tender care, and rolls into the ring, coming face to face with Scarecrow. A tense moment passes as the two lock eyes, and Chelsea motions for Scarecrow to bring it on. He hesitates for only a moment, then lunges toward Armstrong with a discus forearm which would likely have taken her head off, if she hadn't ducked and rolled out of the way. Chelsea comes to her feet and throws a pair of sharp kicks at his hamstring before he can react. Scarecrow turns to face her, and eats a dropkick for his trouble. Not enough to take him off his feet, but enough to stagger him backward. Armstrong charges in while Scarecrow is still off balance, and takes him down into a pinning predicament with a rolling School Boy. However there is no count, as Spanky O'Shaugnessy is flirting with a brunette in the front row, sharing his cotton candy. Not that it would have been a three count anyway, as Scarecrow powers out of the roll-up.
Zach Davis: How is this referee still employed? After his antics last week, you'd think Seth Lerch would have fired him.
Freddy Whoa: With the amount of referees we go through in a single show, you're asking why we kept the weird one?
Gravedigger: Mirar esas jarras! Yo quiero barco de motor esos cachorros!
Richards pulls Dune off his feet, and plants him to the mat with a swinging side slam. Chelsea fires a barrage of elbow and knee strikes at Scarecrow as he tries to regain a vertical base. Outside the ring, DVS has recovered a bit, and Irish whips Omega into the ring steps. Spanky O'Shaughnessy gets a phone number, then climbs back into the ring to continue officiating the match. Restoring order seems like an arduous task at first, until Dune topples both himself and Alex Richards over the top rope with a clothesline, leaving Chelsea and Scarecrow alone in the ring. Now caught up in the moment, the thrill of combat, Scarecrow puts aside all his reservations as he squares off with his mentor. The size difference between the two forces Scarecrow to adapt his technique, whereas Chelsea is accustomed to facing larger opponents. Armstrong's speed only takes her so far though, and Scarecrow's power comes into play the moment he catches hold of her.
Zach Davis: A high kick from the Scarecrow slows the Cruiserweight Champion's momentum, and the People's Champion follows it up with an Exploder Suplex that sends Ms. Armstrong flying into the center of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: That looked like it hurt. 'Crow now making the cover.
And Spanky O'Shaughnessy ends the count when he realizes that his foot is on the bottom rope. Not Scarecrow's, Spanky's. He informs Scarecrow that the match will continue, then walks across the ring to where Omega and El Taimado are trading punches on the outside. O'Shaughnessy watches with interest for a few moments, completely oblivious to Alex Richards re-entering the ring behind him. Richards intercepts Scarecrow as the Murder Machine tries to pull the ref's attention back to the ring, and hits him with a pendulum backbreaker. O'Shaughnessy finally turns around to see Alex in the ring, who immediately claps his hands loudly. Spanky claps as well, recognizing the tag, and the Archduke hoists Scarecrow back up to his feet, only to plant him again with a Sambo suplex. Scarecrow doesn't stay down very long, showing his tenacity as he pulls himself up along the ropes.
Zach Davis: This match has broken down into bedlam. I'm not even sure who the legal participants are at the moment.
Gravedigger: Obviously it's whoever the ref says is legal.
Freddy Whoa: I'd say welcome back, but I was actually starting to enjoy you being gone.
Gravedigger: Yeah, I missed you too, you little nappy-headed--
Zach Davis: A running Yakuza kick from the People's Champion puts the Strange One on his backside!
Dune climbs up onto the apron back in his team's corner and extends a hand, calling for a tag. Scarecrow looks over, then sneers and turns away. The Murder Machine is met with a meaty fist in his face, as Richards is already back on his feet. Scarecrow takes a step back, then surges forward with a superkick that leaves Alex sagging against the ropes. Scarecrow gets a running start, looking for a clothesline, but Richards drops down and pulls the top rope with him, and Scarecrow tumbles out of the ring to collide with DVS, who had been lining up some sort of running attack on Omega. El Taimado and Scarecrow knock noggins, and Omega seizes the opportunity to grab DVS in a 3/4 facelock, then uses Scarecrow like a turnbuckle; running up the bigger man's torso and kicking off his face to swing around, and deliver an Acid Drop to El Taimado. Dune enters the rings at O'Shaughnessy's behest, and catches Alex with a running bulldog.
Zach Davis: The Internet Champion now mounting the number one contender, and repeatedly driving that protected fist of his into the cranium of the Archduke of Mass confusion.
Gravedigger: I thought this guy was supposed to be smart? Punching Richards in the head is like playing Candy Crush; sure it's a fun way to kill time, but in the end, it's kind of pointless.
Freddy Whoa: I'm more of a Fruit Ninja guy myself.
Gravedigger: Yeah, you're a fruit something all right.
Richards absorbs blow after blow, and finally breaks free with a thumb to the eye of Dune. Alex moves to the Pack's corner, and tags in The Omega Man, who had just climbed back onto the apron. Jay enters the ring while Dune tries to clear his vision, and Omega throws a quick string of Shotei palm strikes at precise points on Dune's torso, and ends the combo with a stiff kick to the midsection. Once Dune doubles over, Omega exerts himself to hoist the larger man up onto his shoulder in a Canadian backbreaker position. Jay runs Dune chest first into the corner, then turns around to dump him on his partially masked bald head with a sitout side piledriver. Omega then points over at Alex and Chelsea, and drags Dune into position, lying perpendicular to the Pack's corner. Armstrong climbs into the ring, while Richards climbs the turnbuckles to sit on the top rope. Jay and Chelsea stand on the second rope, and each wraps an arm around Richards' head.
Zach Davis: Don't tell me they're going to--
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Double superplex onto Dune! That's it; he's dead. Nobody's getting up from that.
Gravedigger: It's not done yet.
Alex pulls Dune back to his feet, and lifts him up in a hanging vertical suplex. Meanwhile, Chelsea climbs to the top turnbuckle of the Pack's corner, and Omega hits the high rent district in the adjacent corner. Richards rotates to face Armstrong, who comes off the top rope and takes Dune off Richards' shoulder with a diving spear/flying powerslam. As soon as they hit the mat, Chelsea rolls clear as Jay comes off his corner with a Shooting Star Press. Richards blocks DVS from sliding into the ring to break up the pin, While Scarecrow just stares at Dune in disdain.
(DING! DING! DING!)
Zach Davis: This match was out of control from bell to bell, but it seems that the Pack haven't lost a step. They're still the well-oiled machine we saw previously, and after tonight, I daresay it's only a matter of time before they're contending for the Tag Team Championships.
Zach Davis: And now we are going to cut to the back where Hank brown has tracked down the World Champion...Zach?
The show cuts to the back where Hank Brown is standing with a mic as ICE Beckman comes out of a door marked “ICE Beckman Locker Room: WCF World Champion”. Hank is quick to shove a question and a mic into the champ’s face.
Hank Brown: ICE, ICE, Please just one quick question!!
ICE Beckman: Yes, Hank, people do think you are the WCF Doormat.
Hank Brown: That is not the question...wait, is that true?....Never mind, I have been trying to get a hold of you all week to ask you, what do you think of your match at Timebomb, I mean as of right now the stipulation to that match is winner takes all...meaning you could lose your World Title without being pinning pinned, right?
ICE Beckman: Frankly I don’t know what that shit means or how it even fucking works, but what it really shows is the true feelings of the WCF community and how it feels about the ICE AGE, The Vapor Kings, Father Roman, about ME...and that is how fucking sick of ME they are....because frankly, I have the coolest friends, the hottest girl, the grandest praise and of course...I always Win...in the ring and out of it. For in this fucking fast paced Facebook hell hole of a society we all live in people are obsessed with change; they crave it more than Logan does Hot Dogs, Price does respect, STJ does the World Title or Bobby Cairo does a thick dick. So they can boo my greatness, hiss at my jokes and hide their giggles during my promos...hate me...please...for my Father has taught me how to conquer it.
ICE Beckman storms off leaving Hank Brown nearly speechless.
Hank Brown: Strong words from the champ. Let’s keep this show moving, shall we?
The Arena Goes Dark, the entrance and stage area start to flicker with neon blue and white lights as "Cells" by the Sevant begins to slowly play through the PA system. Fog fills the entrance area and Steeltoe Joe comes walking methodically to the beat of the music out of the midst of the fog. The fans are going nuts as Joe pumps his muscles, takes of his sunglasses to look around the arena to the masses of fans cheering and chanting his name.
Kyle Steel: From Stockton, California, weighing in at 272 pounds...STEELTOE JOE!
He puts his sun glasses back on and starts to walk down the ramp. He makes his way to the ring steps and walks up them in a slow manner but then explodes through the ropes and climbs the turnbuckle facing the camera. He raises his arms in his presumed victory, points to Heaven and jumps off the turnbuckle.
All of the lights in the arena drop as "Explosia" by Gojira kicks in over the arena speakers. When the vocals kick in, pyro explodes from the stage and from around the jumbotron as it fires to life with a video montage of all of Price's greatest moments. A spotlight comes on and shines on the stage as Price steps out from the back to a massive pop from the crowd.
Kyle Steel: From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 230 pounds...JAYSON PRICE!
Price pauses at the top of the ramp to let the crowd get themselves a good look before heading down the ramp, grabbing a beer from a fan trying to get a high five. He'll down the beer, toss the empty cup into the crowd and then roll in under the bottom rope. He heads for the corner, climbs up to the second rope and gives the fans the finger before hopping down to the mat. He'll pull off his shirt and throw it to the crowd before warming up for the match in his corner.
The arena is quiet with the lights all on when over the PA system you hear a man ask, "Are you Drunk yet?" as the crowd responds with a cheer "Feels Good Inc." by The Gorillaz hits the speakers. The lights begin to flash blue and white as two cannon shot of fake snow shoot out from the entrance area.
Kyle Steel: From Foam Lake, Wisconsin, weighing in at 245 pounds...NATURAL ICE BECKMAN!
Out from the snow comes Natural ICE Beckman holding a beer in one hand and the World title in the other. He chugs the last half of the beer, then crushes the beer in his hand before tossing it into the crowd.
"Killed By Death" hits the PA system as the arena begins to fill with smoke. Them Lemmy Vocals smash the speakers as the spot light is shown ZMAC whose stand out in the middle section of the area.
Kyle Steel: From the Honey Badger Kingdom, weighing in at 260 pounds...ZOMBIE MCMORRIS!
He begins to walk down towards the ring then gets body surfed down to the crowd barrier. He hops the barrier and slides into the ring. The Honey Badger has arrived.
[DING! DING! DING!]
Zach Davis: And here we go with this tag team match!
Freddy Whoa: And what a match it is! Just look at all of the talent in the ring!
Zach Davis: The World Champion ICE Beckman and Zombie McMorris on one side, Steeltoe Joe and Jays-
Gravedigger: Shoulda stopped after you said Steeltoe Joe, they're the ones with all the talent.
Zach Davis: Noted! It looks like Zombie McMorris and Jayson Price are going to be starting things off for their teams as ICE and Joe step out onto the apron. Price and ZMAC circle each other up once and they go in for a tie-up.
Freddy Whoa: Or at least ZMAC is trying to tie-up. Price just took a step back and laid into the side of ZMAC's face with an open handed slap.
Zach Davis: And ZMAC doesn't look at all happy about that. Doesn't Price know you don't slap a honey badger unless you're looking to die?
Gravedigger: Kill him ZMAC!
Zach Davis: ZMAC rubbing the side of his face and now he's going right at Price! ZMAC throwing lefts and rights and Price tries to fight back.
Freddy Whoa: But he's not fighting back very well! Price now trying to cover up but ZMAC catches him square in the gut with his boot. Price doubled over and now ZMAC has him in a side headlock.
Zach Davis: Price trying to fight out of it but ZMAC just torques on Price's neck. Now ZMAC with right hands to the top of Price's head.
Freddy Whoa: Price now close enough to the ropes that he's trying to grab the top one. His fingertips brush the rope...and now he's got a good grip on it. The referee with a five count but ZMAC isn't relenting.
Zach Davis: ZMAC better let up before he gets disqualifed.
Gravedigger: Honey Badger doesn't give a f-
Zach Davis: Family show Digger. But the referee is up to four and- Hey! Wait a minute! It looks like Price just hit ZMAC below the belt with his free hand.
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC now grabbing for his crotch and Price shoves him to the mat. Price now pointing to his eye as ZMAC rolls on the mat, obviously in some discomfort.
Zach Davis: Disqualify him ref! Quit worrying about his eye, he's faking it.
Freddy Whoa: ICE Beckman coming into the ring now to check on his partner and here comes Steeltoe Joe as well. ICE tries to help ZMAC up but Joe shoves him off. Joe with a right hand to the face of ICE.
Zach Davis: ICE throwing a right of his hand. Joe responds and now they're both throwing bombs. The referee trying to break them up but they aren't listening.
Freddy Whoa: ZMAC trying to get to his feet but Price dives on top of him, shoving him back to the mat. Price and ZMAC rolling on the mat trading shots as the referee appears to have lost all control of this match.
Zach Davis: The referee now grabbing hold of Price trying to pull him off of ZMAC. Price shoves him off and to the mat before turning around to a right hand from ZMAC. ZMAC with a low blow now in retaliation for the shot he took earlier before dropping Price with a DDT.
Freddy Whoa: Joe and ICE have taken their fight to the outside of the ring and the referee is calling for the bell.
Zach Davis: This is chaos!
Freddy Whoa: And here comes Corey Black! And Chelsea Armstrong!
Zach Davis: Black trying to help out Price and Chelsea is coming to the aid of her man ICE.
Freddy Whoa: And here comes more of the locker room. It's becoming an all out brawl in and around the ring as everyone tries to break up this fight.
Zach Davis: What the hell happened here?! We were all set for a great match and out of nowhere it's become anarchy.
Freddy Whoa: And now security is coming out to try and help break things up.
Slam goes to commercial with a shot of ICE and Joe being separated by wrestlers and security as they shout trash talk at each other.
We open backstage to find Hank Brown stood next to a smiling Joey Flash, our Television champion has already worked a bit of a sweat up this evening it seems.
Hank Brown: I'm here with Joey Flash...what the hell Joey, what is all this about?
Joey Flash: I told you, I told everyone watching and mostly I told that cocksucker Seth what was coming tonight. I gave you a fuckin taste of what's to come, and at the PPV you've got a walking fuckin timebomb about to stroll down the ramp during every single one of your worthless Trilogy matches. I will have recompense.
Hank Brown: Joey I don't think this is the way to go about it.
Joey Flash: Who's asking you? Do your job and ask me who I want to fight next.
Hank Brown: Uhhhh- okay...who do you want to fight next.
Joey Flash: Lemme tell ya who deserves a shot at the Television Championship. I'm the champion I outta know, I've been sizing guys up since I came to WCF and I think the one guy that stands out the most, the guy who I think has earned a title shot, El Taimado, I think you're a heck of a wrestler, youre a great technician and youre a jam up guy…
Hank Brown: Wait a minute El Taimado has been wrestling in the Hardcore Division-
Joey Flash: He's a great wrestler.
Hank Brown: He’s a great wrestler but-
Joey Flash: Who are you to doubt El Taimado?!
Joey Flash: Real talk though, fuck you Hank, fuck you Seth, fuck Doc fucking Brown.
Hank Brown: Henry.
Joey Flash: Shut it! I just missed your ass at the Battle Royal, I won't miss a second time Lerch.
And, speaking of the devil, Seth Lerch steps into the scene. Well, Seth Lerch and an army of security guards between he and Joey Flash.
Seth Lerch: Hold up, Flash. Don't you dare try and lay a hand on me. I just have a small announcement to make and I'll be on my way.
Flash looks ready to attack, but does his best to restrain himself.
Seth Lerch: I was really looking forward to seeing you enter the XIII battle royal just to have your ass eliminated, I really would've enjoyed it. In the heat of the moment I had you removed, and that was a mistake I deeply regret. Which is why I've decided to enter you in ANOTHER Battle Royal at Timebomb.
Joey Flash: The fuck?!
Seth Lerch: Not just ANY battle royal, Joey. The Trilogy Cup Wildcard Battle Royal! And not only that, but since I'm not forcing DVS, Scarecrow, Murdock, or Dune to defend their belts, I DEFINITELY need a Television Title match on the card. So, yes, the Television Title will be on the line in this battle royal!
Flash's had enough. He jumps at Seth, taking a swing, but the security guards quickly intercept him and escort him away. All the while we can hear him yelling. The scene fades as Seth grins to himself.
"I Like to Move It" by Reel 2 Reel hits the PA.
Freddy Whoa: Hold on... what?
Gravedigger: Oh boy.
T-Pain Walker and biohazard run towards the ring and they are both holding replica WCF Tag Team championship belts. They make it about half-way down the ramp before they are cut off by security.
T-Pain Walker: Dont taze me bro
biohazard: we are the real champs!!!!!!
Security brings them to the back, kicking and screaming.
Gravedigger: Freaking bozos.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! Here we go ladies and nigs...it's time for the main event!
Zach Davis: And what a match-up we havr for you tonight with huge implications for Timebomb!
Gravedigger: That's right! The winner of this Triple Threat Tag Team match are not only the Tag Team Champions, but they also get to move on to Timebomb in a tag team match against The Vapor Kings where the man who scores the pinfall is the NEW WORLD CHAMPION!
Zach Davis: But their Tag Titles will also be on the line!
Gravedigger: Who cares! Cash it all in for a shot at the World Title! That's what it's all about Zach!
The house lights dim, as "Bodies" by Drowning Pool hits the speakers. Lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around a jam packed arena.
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!!
Hushed anticipation falls over the crowd, as the crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin as a spotlight illuminates the stage. Johnny Reb and Oblivion step out from behind the curtain. Several mixtures of boos and cheers goes up from the crowd. As they walk down the ramp, the cameraman gets real close, as Oblivion and Johnny Reb sneer at the camera. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. Some of the nearby crowd continue to rock out, as The Chrono-Rippers proceed to walk down the entrance ramp. Their focus is only on those in the ring.
Kyle Steel: Coming down to the ring... with a combined weight of 517 pounds... this is The Monster Oblivion and The Inveterate Confederate Johnny Reb..... THE CHRONO-RIIIIIPEEEEEERRRRSS!!
Oblivion and Johnny Reb circle the ring. Johnny eschews the steps completely; he leaps onto the ring apron and climbs the turnbuckles. Oblivion enters the ring, walks to another corner and climbs up to the second turnbuckle. Both Oblivion and Johnny Reb extend out their arms. The crowd is split with mixed reactions.
Freddy Whoa: The crowd isn't sure how to feel about The Chtono Rippers. These two are long time WCF veterans, and they're looling to make another go at the Tag Championships...
Gravedigger: Bet they bit off more than they can chew with that World Title shot next week.
Freddy Whoa: I'm sure if they win this one, both of these men will be vying to bring the World Title home to The Chrono Rippers stable.
The Blue Dawns "I've Seen The Signs" strikes up on the speakers. The audience instantly approves of the Hotdog Kings, as Logan, and Marc Mayhem walk out onto the stage. The pair confidently heads down the ramp, sliding underneath the bottom rope into the ring as the music fades.
Zach Davis: IT'S MY DOGS! IT'S MY DOGS! IT'S MY HOTDOG KINGS!
Gravedigger: You are way too excited for a phallic snack Mr. Davis.
Freddy Whoa: These two are thr dark horses in this match. Logan seems to have gold on the mind y'all. He's ready for his shot at Beckman!
Gravedigger: But is his partner? Marc's a bum!
Zach Davis: Marc Mayhem has improved by leaps and bouns over the past month! I think he has championship gold in his future!
The lights in the arena go black. A cheer comes up from the crowd and then mates with a chant, a MASSIVE IRREPRESSIBLE chant from every corner of the arena, from every poon and thick in attendance tonight.
Crowd: POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS!
The excitement reaches a fever pitch. The fans froth at their collective mouths in anticipation of the thick shit that's bout it bout it, ready to cum in mere moments, though they're still shrouded in darkness save for cellphone flash bulbs so y'all can't really see it but y'all can feel it. The giddy aura of the WCF Universe is instantly impregnated by the sound of a gunshot.
"Natural Born Killaz" by Dr. Dre and Ice Cube tears through the PA system like the thickness does the poon. Simultaneously, the lights come back up in full-on strobe mode with red and green flashing all about the building in every which way. White people be dancin' the Jitterbug, but hey-- at least they gettin down to them thick gangsta rap sounds. The entire crowd is vibing, smoking phat blunts, tippin them forties, motorboatin' the biggest and baddest titties.
Kaz Mazy and Bobby Cairo emerge in the crowd, being led toward the ring by their manager Bolts Quackenbush, who's waving that Old Glory Poon Guinean Flag with the hammer and sickle and them fifty stars and thirteen bars.
Zach Davis: The Poondock Saints are in the house!
Freddy Whoa: Thickest entrance in this business today, Zach. Look at them white folk dancin' the Jitterbug. Crazy ass white folk.
Bitches be gettin their twerk on as Dre and Cube pay tribute with homicidal lyrics. Bolts hurdles over the fan barrier, never wavering from that flag but waving it like the proud military veteran that he be. Cairo and Mazy hop over the barrier and present a united front as they wait for their match to begin.
Crowd: POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS! POON-DOCK SAINTS!
Bolts whipping that flag into a frenzy to accommodate the patriotic legions in attendance.
Zach Davis: Godfatherdamn, I'm proud to be a Poon Guinean.
Freddy Whoa: Me too, Zach. Me too. Ain't no Poon Guineans ever held my ancestors as slaves. Just smashed that molten nigress poon, and that's alright with me. Hell, I do the same Godfatherdamn thang. Not with my ancestors, but you catch my drift.
Gravedigger: Are you...are you done Freddy? You say the same shit everytime the Saints come out. Been meaning to ask you what the deal is with that shit?
Freddy Whoa: None of ya business, Digger!
Zach Davis: You just can't help it when The Poondock Saints come out...It makes you feel...I feel like...
Freddy Whoa: Whatcha feel like Zach?
Zach Davis: I feel like dancing!!!
And he does! Zach Davis gets up and starts doing the Electric Slide! Thousands of thick in attendance start cheering on Young Zachary as his Thick-ni continues to rise. He does The Worm across the outside mat to another raucous cheer! He moves back to the announce table.
Freddy Whoa: Maybe I was wrong about you Zach...you may become thick yet!
Gravedigger: Guys, the action is about to begin!
Oblivion, Mayhem, and Mazy all start out the match for their respective teams as Stanley Moser calls for the bell.
Oblivion and Mayhem lock up near The Hotdog Kings corner. As those two vie for control, Kaz Mazy comes outta nowhere with a dropkick, knockong them both hard but they hardly budge! Kaz climbs to his feet and hits them with another dropkick that breaks up their hold. Kaz climbs to his feet again but Marc and Oblivion look towards Kaz...and nail him hard with a double lariat that sends Kaz crashing down to the mat!
Gravedigger: That's right! Swat that annoying little fly!
Zach Davis: Kaz goes down!
Kaz hits the mat hard, holding his neck and rolling around on the canvas. Marc and Oblivion lock up again and Oblivion hits Mayhem in the gut with a knee. Oblivion tags in Reb as Oblivion drops Mayhem...
Zach Davis: CHRONOMATIC!
Gravedigger: That's one of theit signature moves! They're serious about those titles!
Reb gets off the mat and Oblivion lifts Reb up in a suplex, then drops him belly first onto Mayhem's midsection!
Zach Davis: The Chrono Rippers are working as a well oiled machine!
Freddy Whoa: The refs telling Oblivion to get out of the ring!
Reb approaches Mazy and goes for a leg lock...but Kaz kicks Reb away and rolls backwards and to his feet in a display of sexlike agility! Kaz bounds off the ropes as Reb turns around and nails him with a swift crossbody, knocking him to the ground. Kaz leaps up as Mayhem starts getting to his feet and goes for a kick to the midsection...but Mayhem grabs his foot!
Zach Davis: Kaz is craned right now!
Mayhem goes to throw Kaz away, but Kaz uses the momentum to do a backflip and kick Marc directly in the chin! Marc falls against the ropes as Reb catches Kaz around the waist and throws him with a hard german suplex, knocking the win clean out of him!
Gravedigger: Explosive suplex by The Inveterate!
Zach Davis: WATCH OUT FOR MAYHEM!
But it's too late! Reb eats the bottom of Mayhem's boot and Marc drops down for the pin!
Freddy Whoa: Broken up by Oblivion!
Marc falls off of Reb and Oblivion lifts him to his feet. Reb does a kip up and joins Oblivion on a double suplex to Mayhem...but Mayhem punches Reb in the gut, knocking him away amd reverses Oblivion's suplex. He instead throws IT through the ropes and out of the ring! He turns around...
Zach Davis: Big Enziguiri from Johnny Reb!
Freddy Whoa: Mayhem tags in Logan on the way down!
Logan jumps to the top turnbuckle and dropkicks Reb on the way to the canvas! Reb hits the ground and Logan jumps to his feet! He bounds off the ropes as Kaz gets to his feet and charges at him! Kaz ducks under as Logan leap frogs him. Kaz dashes off the ropes but eats a heel kick from Logan! Kaz hits the mat, but bounces back up and Logan knees him in the gut!
Zach Davis: Suplex by Logan...
Freddy Whoa: Kaz lands on his feet!
Gravedigger: And a dropsault to Logan!
Logan hits the mat as Kaz springs off the ropes and tags Bobby in as he does so! On the way back he hits Logan with a body splash! The crowd cheers as Cairo rushes in the ring! Mayhem gets to his feet and eats a clothesline from Cairo! Logan gets to his feet and gets a clothesline for his troubles!
Zach Davis: Poondocks are cleaning house!
Freddy Whoa: They're not just fighting for their belts! They're fighting for their lives!
Reb gets up and Kaz and Cairo hook him up!
Zach Davis: Kush Pusher!
Freddy Whoa: The Perfect Plex slash Northern Lights Suplex combo is tumultous!
Gravedigger: The Tag Team Champions are standing tall in that ring!
The Saints start celebrating! They turn around...and Oblivion stands behind him! He grabs them both around the throat and compresses their corrotid arteries! He drops them with a double chokeslam! They both hit the mat and Kaz rolls out of the ring! Oblivion lifts Bobby to his feet and lifts him up high over his head!...as Mayhem comes out of nowhere with a lariat!
Zach Davis: Who are the legal men?
Gravedigger: It doesn't matter to these three teams! All hell is breaking loose!
Bobby hits the mat and rolls to the apron as Mayhem turns around. Reb knees him in the gut, then floats over behind Mayhem and drops him with a back suplex!
Logan comes out of nowhere and dropkicks Reb as he climbs to their feet.
Freddy Whoa: Stanley Moser is calling for these teams attention! He's trying to control this match!
Gravedigger: Good luck Stanley! You're gonna need it!
Kaz is climbing to his feet as Bobby climbs up the ropes on the outside of the apron. Logan locks up with Bobby on the ropes and struggles for control!
Kaz climbs up the turnbuckle and spikes Logan in the small of his back with his shin and Logan loses it. Cairo drops down on the apron with his hands around Logan's neck, choking him against the ropes and knocking him on his ass. Kaz leaps over the ropes...but Mayhem catches him mid air and throws him back over the top rope and to the mat below! Kaz plants on the ground with a thud and lies there.
Zach Davis: Bobby's back in the ring now!
Freddy Whoa: He's got Mayhem around the neck!
Freddy Whoa: Mayhem avoids it!
Cairo turns around...into a discus elbow from Mayhem! Logan scrambles to his feet and they both lock up with a stumbling Cairo!
Zach Davis: Double Evenflow DDT! They plant Cairo's head into the mat and now The Hotdog Kings have control of this match!
As Zach says those words, Seth Lerch comes bounding over the barricade. He's carrying a 40 of Olde English...
Freddy Whoa: Does that nigga have a purple thong on?
Gravedigger: He looks like he's running from something!...
The Great Catsy jumps over the barricade and leaps onto the announce table, seemingly chasing after a drunken Lerch.
The Great Catsy: Good day, fellas!
Zach Davis: It's Catsy! Chasing Seth! This is amazing!
Gravedigger: I thought I'd seen it all!
Seth leaps over the opposite barricade and Catsy gives chase once again! Logan and Mayhem laugh him out of the arena. They start slapping each others shoulders as Oblivion hits them both with a float over lariat. They crash to the mat and Oblivion stands to his feet! He points at Reb, who is starting to get to his feet...
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion looks like IT's ready to get this match over with! IT wants those titles home with The Chrono Rippers damn it!
Logan starts to stumble to his feet and Reb catches him underneath the leg.
Freddy Whoa: Reb hits the fallaway slam!...
Zach Davis: Into a backbreaker from Oblivion!
Reb slides in for the cover on Logan...
Zach Davis: NO! BROKEN UP BY MAZY!!!
Freddy Whoa: Mazy saves the match and the titles for The Poondock Saints!
Oblivion out of nowhere with a clothesline that causes them to spill to the outside of the ring! Mayhem drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring, joining Kaz and Oblivion!
Zach Davis: The action is going ringside!
Oblivion lifts Kaz off the ground and drops him onto the steel steps! Mayhem grabs Oblivion, whips IT around, and starts delivering punch after punch to IT's head! Obliviom stops a punch, but Marc kicks him in the gut, then tosses him into the barrixade causing it to scoot a good foot away. Kaz is holding onto the apron for support.
Freddy Whoa: The action continues inside the ring as Reb and Cairo lock up!
Reb goes for a clothesline, but Cairo ducks and tosses Reb into the turnbuckle!
Zach Davis: Cairo getting something going in the corner over there!
Cairo dashes and goes for a lethal forearm to Reb...but Reb dodges at the last second and Cairo knocks his cranium against the turnbuckle and Reb trips his legs out from under him! Cairo hits the mat hard as Kaz climbs up onto the apron. Reb sees him and comes in to strike him, but Kaz dodges the blow. Kaz goes for a punch to Reb, but Reb ducks it and sends his shoulder into Kaz's stomach. Kaz doubles over Reb postures...
Zach Davis: Sunset Flip Powerbomb!
Freddy Whoa: But Cairo grabbed Mazy's arms!
Gravedigger: And Reb spills to the outside! What great teamwork from The Saints!
Kaz grabs the ropes and Bobby lets go of his arms...as Oblivion comes out of nowhere with a huge boot to the head. Kaz sees stars and then falls from the apron to the mat! Mayhem is holding on to the steps, trying to stay on his feet.
Zach Davis: Cairo's concerned for his partner!
Freddy Whoa: WATCHOUTWATCHOUTWATCHOUT!!!
Logan comes up behind Cairo for a roll up!
Zach Davis: NO! Cairo powered out!
Cairo rolls to his feet as Logan comes for a knee to the head. Cairo falls over to the mat, holding his noggin and trying to scramble to the ropes. Logan comes up behind him, hitting him with hard stomps as Cairo crawls to the ropes, trying to get his bearings! Cairo crawls up the ropes and turns around...
Zach Davis: Logan's taking him to Connector City!
Logan lifts Cairo up...but Cairo squirms behind him and pushes him into the turnbuckle! Logan whips around and eats a gut kick from Cairo. Mayhem slides in behind Logan and hits Cairo in the spine! Oblivion slides in and nails Mayhem! Kaz gets to his feet, slides in, and dropkicks Oblivion! Reb gets in and hits Kaz with a crossbody!
Zach Davis: Everyone's back in the ring now!
Oblivion gets to his feet and Mayhem pushes him into the ropes. Oblivion falls through the middle and second rope as Mayhem takes his spot on the apron. Mazy does the same thing as Logan and Cairo begin to brawl again!
Zach Davis: Reb from behind with a dropkick and he breaks up the brawl!
Logan falls toward his corner as Cairo leans back into his. Reb is now near Oblivion.
Zach Davis: We're at a standoff here!
Gravedigger: Any one of these teams could make a tag right now!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! This bloodbath looks like it's coming to a head!
Hatred in his eyes, Cairo summons everything he's got and instead of tagging, runs at Logan and Clotheslines him into the turnbuckle! Marc takes a wild swing but Cairo pulls Logan out from the corner before Marc can really attack. Logan, who had been taken by surprise, takes a wild swing at Cairo who ducks it and BAM!
Zach Davis: R-CAIRO OUTTA NOWHERE!
CAIRO DROPS AND PINS LOGAN!
NO! BROKEN UP BY OBLIVION!
Gravedigger: There is no love lost between Logan and Bobby Cairo, and I'm sure Cairo would LOVE to pin Logan, but Oblivion has stopped that from happening!
Freddy Whoa: Oblivion is now the legal man.
Oblivion stomped Cairo right in the head. Oblivion scoops the Godfather up and onto his shoulders.
Zach Davis: What a show of strength! Here it comes!
5150 to Cairo!
Freddy Whoa: LOGAN HAS OBLIVION IN THE SLEEPER!
BOOM! CONNECTOR! LOGAN PINS OBLIVION!
Gravedigger: WE'VE GOT NEW CHAMPS!
NO!, broken up by Johnny Reb! This brings Kaz Mazy into the ring, as well as Marc, and soon everyone is brawling!
Zach Davis: All hell has broken loose once more!
Mazy and Reb brawl with one another, until Marc dumps them both over the top and to the outside! Logan and he high five before turning...
Freddy Whoa: HUGE CLOTHESLINE from the MONSTER, OBLIVION!
This sends both Hotdog Kings flying to the outside! Oblivion roars, he's in the zone, he turns-
Gravedigger: R-CAIRO! ONCE AGAIN OUTTA NOWHERE!
Cairo drops and pins the Monster.
Zach Davis: THE POONDOCK SAINTS RETAIN!
Bobby slowly gets to his feet, breathing heavily after a hard fought match. He's handed a Tag Team Title, which he clutches close to his chest.
Freddy Whoa: That isn't just a Tag Team Title, guys. That's a ticket to Timebomb, a ticket to a WCF World Heavyweight Championship match... a ticket for another shot at ICE Beckman.
Mazy joins Cairo in the ring and the two quickly fist bump.
Zach Davis: This may have been the biggest test the Poondock Saints have faced yet.. until next week, at least, when they face Beckman and McMorris.
Freddy Whoa: But with the chance to be Champion.. could we see the friendship between the Saints torn apart?
Gravedigger: I guarantee it. That Title means more than anything to Bobby Cairo. More than friendship, that's for sure.
Both Mazy and Cairo get low blows from behind!
Freddy Whoa: CHRONO-RIPPERS BACK IN THE RING!
Johnny and Oblivion spin the Champs around, angrily. The Tag Titles are sent flying as Reb drops Mazy with a Facebreaker DDT and Oblivion drops Cairo with a Dirtnap!
Zach Davis: I'd say they're sore losers, but I don't think that's the case. I just think they love to cause mayhem.
The Chrono-Rippers stomp at the Champs as the Hotdog Kings leave to go buy some hotdogs before the food vendors close. Reb quickly rolls out and pulls a table out from under the ring.
Gravedigger: And let me tell you, Beckman and McMorris, the Vapor Kings, they've got to be loving this. Not to mention Buddy Roman. It was probably Buddy's idea!
Reb slides the table into the ring and sets it up as Oblivion keeps the Champs down with stiff head kicks. Eventually they kick Mazy out of the ring and pick Cairo up.
Freddy Whoa: Cairo might not make it to Timebomb! What do these two have planned?!
Zach Davis: They've laid waste to the entire WCF roster since they joined forces, Freddy. Who the hell is going to stop them?
The Chrono-Rippers quickly taunt the fans before preparing to put Cairo through the table!.. and the lights go out.
Gravedigger: I TOLD Seth to pay the damn electric bill!
Freddy Whoa: Why would Seth pay the electric bill for an arena he doesn't own? Seriously though, what's going on here?
A few lights blink here and there as no one knows what's going on.
Zach Davis: Lights back on - LOOK WHO IT IS!
SKYLER STRIKER IS IN THE RING! The Rippers drop Cairo as Striker hits them both with rights and lefts!
Crowd: SKY-LER STRI-KER! SKY-LER STRI-KER!
Reb is thrown out of the ring by Striker, who then turns into a Clothesline from Oblivion. Striker ducks the Clothesline and hooks the Monster..
Gravedigger: WELCOME TO OBLIVION! Striker hits it on.. well, Oblivion!
Oblivion rolls out of the ring, but Reb still wants to fight. Reb enters and runs at Striker, who hits him with a stiff kick to the gut followed by a forearm to the head. Striker then throws Reb onto the table before quickly jumping up to the top.
Zach Davis: SKYLER HIGH DIVE THROUGH THE TABLE!
Freddy Whoa: DARK JOHNNY REB has been put through the very table he brought into the ring! Poetic justice!
Reb is quickly pulled out of the ring by Oblivion. The Tag Team Champions re-enter the ring. Striker and Cairo glance at each other and nod, showing a mutual sign of respect.
Zach Davis: Cairo and Reb rose to prominence around the same era, and they're standing tall here tonight!
Gravedigger: Doesn't matter. At Timebomb, Striker will surely feel the wrath of what he's done to the Chrono-Rippers, and Mazy and Cairo attempt to put an end to the ICE Age. Personally, I don't like their chances.
Freddy Whoa: Either way, I sure as hell can't wait! And the Trilogy Cup Tournament begins! SEE YOU AT TIMEBOMB!
With that, Slam fades to black.