the Wesbanco Arena in Wheeling, West Virginia
Master of Puppets blares through the arena and out steps the frequently besieged, often intoxicated but indomitable of spirit, Seth Lerch. The crowd gives him more heat than usual, no doubt to his long-running feud with Torture set to come to a head at War XVI. In the ring is a table with black and gold drapery and a leather portfolio. Seth steps inside the ring and produces a microphone.
Seth Lerch: War Sixteen...WAR SIXTEEN is just around the corner. Think about that for one second. I’ve provided all of you people with SIXTEEN YEARS of the most exciting event in professional wrestling! And the week before it, next week, is Slam 400! How many of you have done four hundred of ANYTHING in your life? Yet you boo me?!
The crowd obliges his plea for cheap heat.
Seth Lerch: Here at the WCF, at MY professional wrestling federation, we break records! We are the standard bearer for the industry! Because of me!
Seth Lerch: I know what you think. I know what other so-called federations say. They treat me like some sort outsider, like some sort of godforsaken meme! But every single one of them, every single one the boys in the back and every single one of you in the audience would trade places with me in an INSTANT! Because the WCF is the undisputed pinnacle of the professional wrestling world thanks to ME! My blood, my sweat, and my tears make this place run. And at War Sixteen, we’re going to continue to make history! Another huge War match for the number one contendership! I finally lance that human boil Torture! And a World Title match featuring once-in-a-generation talents!
With that, The gruff voice from the 80s sample announces "Cold getting dumb..." as the VeryBigTron flashes the word "EVEREST" in electric blue before being replaced by a gold-tinted montage of Stephen Singh brutalizing past opponents. The menacing beat of the Supervillain Theme by Mad Villain fills the arena, golden pyros form 5 ft high fountains across the stage, and "Superstar" Stephen Singh steps out with a blue, pinstriped three piece suit. He stops at the top of the ramp then flings open his coat, exposing the WCF World Title strapped around his waist. As the gold fountains shrink back into the stage, Singh looks down and strokes his title with pride and the boos rain down louder, the crowd now reminded that THIS is their champion. He smiles, heading down to the ring and jawing with the hateful, ignorant crowd. Singh climbs the stairs to the apron, wipes his feet, steps through the ropes and takes his place at one side of the contract signing table. Just as he snatches the microphone from the hands of Seth, “Death Breath - Toxic Avenger Remix” by Bring Me The Horizon hits as a huge pyrotechnic barrage explodes around the jumbotron. As the smoke clears, we see John Rabid standing tall in his wrestling tights, boots, and an Adam Young FIST shirt. He outstretches his arms as he spins on the spot. Rabid struts down the ramp, snarling and gnashing his teeth at a stray cameraman as John's name appears on a Slam graphic. Meanwhile, Rabid's 'tron plays in the background; it's The Ripper hitting the Kingdom Destroyer on a cavalcade of doomed jobbers, this scene is intercut with footage of Lon Chaney in Tod Browning's "London After Midnight" (1927). Rabid reaches the ramp and climbs the turnbuckle, “smelling” the cheer's from the crowd before popping into the ring across the table from The World Champion. The two lock eyes, trying to burn a hole through the other, each refusing to look away until Singh smirks and pulls the microphone to his mouth.
Stephen Singh: Interrupting your champion as he’s about to grace his Faithful with that sweet verbal violence is incredibly rude, Rabid. I thought your people were supposed to be polite? Or is that canadians? I can’t keep all of the pale imitators of America straight. A pale imitation, just like you Rabid. For a bit you were a pale imitation of Jared Holmes, then a pale imitation of Joey Flash and now a pale imitation of a Number One Contender. A pale imitation of a man who isn’t desperate to be loved by these unwashed masses.
The Champion gestures toward the crowd who boos The Golden God religiously.
Stephen Singh: It doesn’t matter what you’re doing an imitation of this week Rabid. No matter what hat you put on, the rest of us still read “LOSER” across the front. “Kingdom Destroyer” is a cute little name for a cute little move but it’s an absolute misnomer. What have you taken down? What have you destroyed outside of the miles-long list of jobbers fed to you via the TV Title? Meanwhile, I put Joey Flash on the shelf. I put Dustin Beaver on the shelf. I buried The Three Kings at Trios. I eroded #beachkrew into non-existence. I emerged from The Ultimate Showdown the undisputed victor. I destroy kingdoms. You? You sit contentedly in the midcard, second fiddle to men who can’t whistle my tunes much less orchestrate the way I do. You’re a whore to whomever you think will help you become an actual name for five minutes in this place. And with all those other mooks gone, you’ve turned to the your most hare-brained, embarrassing option yet to follow: these bus station hobos!
Another sweeping hand to the crowd whose boos grow in severity.
Stephen Singh: But it doesn’t matter, Rabid. Hitch your horse to whatever wagon you want, I’m going to drag you backwards through a field of dicks either way. Then when I outsmart the Serpent, outwork the wanker, out rip the Ripper, you can tuck tail like you did a year ago. Pack your go bag now because in two weeks time I’m giving you another failure to run away from. Except this one is going to be your very first--and ONLY--World Title shot. It’s going to be the grandest stage you’ve ever been on and you’re going to fall flat on that cum-gutter of a face in front of all the brand new Rabid fans. In case there was any question, it’s going to be my foot extended out and my smile through which comes the pithy “Have a nice fall!” Then you can hide your hideous face in your hands and run crying away from your supposedly beloved WCF. Just like you did in 2016. You’ll fail and you’ll fall away like so many before you. Except this time, we can all be grateful that you’re never coming back since you won’t have Joey Flash’s coat tails to attach yourself to.
John Rabid: Wrong! That’s the problem with you, Singh. You keep forgetting that God is in the details. A year ago I was gone. I left because I had reached an impasse with this company that I thought at the time was irreconcilable. But after a few months it began to dawn on me the enormity of what I was throwing away. The pull to come back here was too strong. So I knocked on that WCF office door looking for a way back in. Head held high. I was alone, but determined. I wasn’t running back here with Pantheon or #beachkrew. I was just a man, a man searching for a final chapter to end his run the right way. One final run to prove to Seth, and to the world, that John Rabid was all that, and then some, and more. John Rabid verses Gemini Battle, that’s the match I wanted, and I was under no illusions over what the answer would be from the locker room. I’m what you can call a polarizing figure at times. So when Thomas Uriel Bates stepped up...
Audible boo’s from the crowd as Seth raises an eyebrow.
John Rabid: Flashing his confederate Sheriff’s badge and telling me to “Prove to HIS locker room that I cared”, I was under no illusions over just what kind of Mountain I’d have to climb to punch my way through the glass ceiling. In the end, It would take me exactly two months to show him the error of his ways. Two months to hook Bates’s leg for the one, two, three. The truth is, I came back here before #beachkrew and before Pantheon. When Flash dropped his “infamous” pipe bomb I ran with them because it was the best route for change. Actual, meaningful change, change that saved unprotected newcomers like you Singh from being jobbed to Bates, ZT and the rest of the DRG mafia. That was one whole year of my life, one year wrestling this company away from the sycophantic ass kissers and the politics and a shameless parade of constant unmitigated bullshit, just so that you, you ungrateful little bitch, can stand there now and pretend to know what it means to have class and integrity and heart. To love this business more than anything. To give up time with your family. To put these fans and this company ahead of everything. EVERYTHING!
Crowd: RAH-BID! RAH-BID! RAH-BID! RAH-BID!
John Rabid: I look at you, standing there Singh like you’ve actually accomplished something, as if you’re some kind of legend. I look at you and it makes me sick to my stomach! You’re nothing but the latest John Rabid knock off from a conveyor belt of entitled, pussy whipped jokes, that throw main event matches just because they want out of an arena before the traffic hits the freeway. Jason O’Neal, Dion Necurat and yeah, Jared Holmes. They all failed that belt you shame Singh. They all faltered when this company demanded excellence.
Rabid steps up as Singh looks away.
John Rabid: Hey! HEY! Look at me, Singh! I SAID LOOK AT ME! Don’t you dare look away from me when I’m talking to you! I’m the longest serving Television champ of ALL TIME! I have spent the last year fighting to the bone in the trenches, tearing up a new world order that would NEVER allow a man like you to carry that belt. And what did you do to help? How did you contribute to the freedom you now shamelessly enjoy? You stood around with your balls in your purse, pouting at the camera!. And you think that earns you the right to tear into my career? Into my legacy? Look around us, Singh. What do you see? Do you see Pantheon? Do you see #beachkrew? This ring is just me, you and Seth. “The Puppet Master”. “The Ripper”. And “The Golden God”.One of us, has lead this company for sixteen years. One of us, has fought and defeated Dune. And then, there’s you. With your modicum of success. Crowing about a tag title, you NEVER defended! Crowing about a trios belt, that you NEVER defended! Crowing about Ultimate Showdown, when you never had to worry about entry FOR MONTHS! You, Singh are everything I came back to this company to destroy. You have become the very monster that would have devoured you six months ago and that means only one thing, Stephen. At War? On September 24th? The World title comes home with me. Not for a week and a wave goodbye. Not for a retirement tour. I’m not back here anymore for a ride off into the sunset. I’m here to outshine you and everybody else in this locker room! I’m here FOREVER! No King will reign other than me. No Plague will sweep this land. And no turd of a Golden God will stand up to me AND SURVIVE!
Crow pops HUGE!
Rabid and Singh are eye to eye now. The atmosphere is electrifying!
John Rabid: Your Golden era Stephen is about to blink out. Not because I’m The Ripper. Not because I’m The Serpent. But because I’m John Rabid. And you can never, EVER, eclipse my legacy! Your prize Stephen, September 24th, isn’t the World Heavyweight title. Your prize is to learn what it means to face the best wrestler that ever lived! I’m going to hurt you. I’m going to embarrass you. And on September 24th? YOUR PERFECT SUN? IS GOING TO SET FOR GOOD!
Zac Davis: Wow.
Singh and Rabid begin to slowly circle the table, never taking their enraged eyes off the other. Eventually, they sign the contract to a HUGE POP!
Zach Davis: The contract is signed! The match is on! War, September 24th! Singh verses Rabid for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE! My God, this is going to be absolutely historic!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Did you see that? Up in the rafters?
The lights suddenly die in the arena as Rabid and Singh drop their belts and stand poised and ready to strike each other as…
TEO DEL SOL lowers himself from the rafters on a wire! Teo’s dressed now in denim tights, black boots and a red and black trenchcoat. Red and white face paint covers Del Sol’s peppered scars as his appearance is now a strange fusion hybrid between Blaze and Del Sol. This vengeful new entity carries a baseball bat as he swings for both Rabid and Singh who have to take evasive action, each rolling out of the way! Teo swings the bat once more as he shatters apart the contract signing table!
Freddy Whoa: Whoa!
Zach Davis: Here comes Ainsley and William!
Very Big Security enter the fray and are immediately attacked by Teo Del Sol who swings the bat and cracks Ainsley wide open! Hard way blood gushes down Ainsley’s bulbous face as his irate features are lost behind a crimson mask!
Zach Davis: Ainsley is an absolute mess!
William cannons forward, but is meet swiftly with a series of brutal spin-kicks by Tel Sol, followed by another bone crunching swing of the bat! KER-SMASH! William staggers as he falls against the ropes, a long beat before he begins to steady himself, finding his bearings just as he’s meet with a blistering clothesline by John Rabid that sends the four hundred plus pounder flying over the top!
Zach Davis: Wow!
Rabid and Del Sol now with the face off. The crowd are on their feet as The Ripper and King of All Media stare intently down. A moment later they’re joined by Stephen Singh as Seth calls in Arena Security! A swarm of blue shirts enter the ring as boos erupt from the red hot crowd. Moments of confusion pass before the sea of blue seemingly extinguishes the tension as each competitor is lead away, eyes never leaving the other.
Zach Davis: Two weeks until WAR! And this match has already reached boiling point!
A beat as Teo slips suddenly from security and leaps over the blue shirts, hitting a pitch perfect Tope Con Hilo on a EMT treated Ainsley! William and Singh bulldoze their way to the chaotic scene as John Rabid cuts them off at the pass, suddenly SPEARING WILLIAM THROUGH A NEARBY BARRIER!
Zach Davis: OH MY GAWD!
Singh is shocked as he hightails it up the ramp to safety. The color drained from his face as Seth tries to regain order!
Zach Davis: Slam has become an absolute war zone! It’s total madness here! MADNESS! Commercial! Cut to COMMERCIAL!
Very Big Security vs The Atomic Rockers
Rock n Roll by the incomparable Led Zeppelin blares throughout the arena as the flamboyant Atomic Rockers pass the curtain and head down the ramp.
Zach Davis: YES! Jukebox Rocker Rock Roll and Too Dope for VHI Boom Box Empson! Finally!
Freddy Whoa: Big fan?
Zach Davis: Best names in the business, Frederick!
Freddy Whoa: You’re claiming those names are better than Freddy Whoa? MY NAME IS MY CATCHPHRASE!
Zach Davis: They’re light years better! They rock! And the cherry on this rock n’ roll sundae, Simply Delicious Cherry Kisses!
Freddy Whoa: Another mouthful!
Zach Davis: You wish!
As the two men take the ring, Rock Out-Motorhead Plays and out lumbers William The Behemoth and Ainsley the Tank in their matching “Very Big Security” shirts emblazoned with unmistakable Everest blue. Roaring and shouting at the crowd, they turn to each other and high five. When their hands touch pyro is fired. They then slowly walks down to the ring once there they catch their breath.
Freddy Whoa: Speaking of mouthfuls….
Zach Davis: That’s gross, you’re being gross.
Freddy Whoa: What?! They eat a lot! So their mouths are full! Is this thing on?
Zach Davis: Take me now, God!
The Tank and Jukebox Rocker take the middle of the ring as the referee calls for the bell. Rocker throws a forearm which doesn’t budge the big man. He throws another and still not even a flinch from The Tank. Rocker now off the ropes and comes flying in with a forearm to no avail.
Freddy Whoa: He’s a literal tank! He’s not moving an inch!
Just as Tank smiles at the opponent he outweighs by nearly two hundred pounds, Rocker gouges him in the eye stumbling him back. He wastes no time and rushes the big man with a flurry of karate moves with enough success to get Tank into a neutral corner. Acting quickly, Rocker gets to the second rope and executes a perfect tornado DDT. That is, if Tank hadn’t thrown him across the ring instead of having his head driven into the ground. Angry, Tank rumbles toward Rocker with a clothesline but Rocker is able to duck and make a leaping tag to his partner.
Zach Davis: Too Dope is in! Double dropkick from the outsized Rockers! Tank stumbles back and they hit him with another! This time they bounce off opposite ropes and go high-low on him, finally sending Tank to the mat! Too Dope with a pin!
Freddy Whoa: A quick kickout from The Tank! Too Dope slaps on a headlock but Tank simply picks up the much smaller man, carries him to Very Big Security’s corner and tags in William The Behemoth!
Once in, William nails Too Dope with a splash then as he stumbles out, Ainsley nails him with a belly to belly suplex.
Freddy Whoa: HUGE COMBO!
Zach Davis: That should be called a belly to belly to belly suplex with the size of Ainsley!
Arrogantly, Ainsley leaves the ring and William places one foot on the chest of Too Dope for a pin.
Freddy Whoa: Broken up by Jukebox Rocker Rock Roll! My gawd do I have to say the whole name? Can’t we do initials or something?
Zach Davis: JRRR? Or JR3? NO! Those are terrible! JUKEBOX ROCKER ROCK ROLL FOREVER!
As the idiots continue to be idiots at the announce table, JR3 flies at William with a chopblock to the back of the knee, taking the big man down to one. Jukebox hits William with a few stiff knee strikes to the temple, dizzying the big man before bouncing off the ropes again and chopblocking his other knee out from under him. He then nails a nasty shining wizard on the big man.
Freddy Whoa: Jukebox is up on the second rope now, trying to hype the crowd! Taunting over his downing of The Behemoth! And now he’s on the top turnbuckle, taking his sweet time, still egging on the crowd.
Zach Davis: JUKEBOX ROCKER ROCK ROLL OFF THE TOP WITH A FLIPPING SENT--NO! The Behemoth moved! The Behemoth rolled out of the way, is up to one knee and his opponent is down and out!
William quickly tags his partner and then applies a texas cloverleaf to the downed Jukebox Rocker. Ainsley comes in and absolutely takes Jukebox’s head off with a punt kick while he’s in the cloverleaf.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! GIANT PUNT! That is a nasty move! I thought this was a comedy act?!
Zach Davis: Jukebox is out cold! And William just dropped his legs to send Too Dope off the apron with a big boot. The referee is checking on Jukebox….and...calling for the bell!
Freddy Whoa: The referee has stopped this match! Very Big Security pick up the victory with that absolutely vicious Giant Punt!
Jay Omega Segment
Inside the office of WCF Owner Seth Lerch, we see the door swing inward to admit the boss himself. Seth starts backward in surprise at having a camera in his face unexpectedly, but his expression sours as he looks past us at the room’s other occupant. The view pulls back as it pans over to reveal Jay Omega, dressed for action in his ring gear, sitting behind the owner’s desk with his feet up on the writing surface and a broad grin on his face.
Jay Omega: Evenin’, boss. Captain Omega reporting for duty.
Seth Lerch: Get out of my chair.
Omega’s smile evaporates as he stands, and he makes a showy gesture of offering the seat to Seth. The owner flips Omega the bird as he passes by, and slumps into his chair. The camera shuffles around to the side to keep both men in view, Seth seated at his desk, and Jay standing on the other side, as there are no other chairs in the shot
Jay Omega: Does nobody say hello anymore? Whatever. I’m here, as requested, but it’s a little late for the Curtain Jerk Special, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you’re not feeding me some half-talented nobody who just signed. Who or what, pray tell, is it gonna be?
Seth favors Omega with a small, momentary smile, then takes the time to needlessly straighten the items on his desk before he leans forward to rest his elbows on the desk with his fingers steepled. Lerch opens his mouth to reply, then thinks better of it, and cuts himself off with an upraised finger. The owner rummages through his desk while Omega sighs and rolls his eyes, and it is only after Seth has produced a bottle of Everclear-190 and poured himself half a glass that he finally answers Omega’s question.
Seth Lerch: Tonight, in the surprise main event, you will face former World Champion Wade Moor in the first ever Litter Box Lumberjack Match. Works just like a Casket Match, except with a giant tub of dirty cat litter at ringside instead of a coffin. Also, there’s a team of lumberjacks handpicked by me, and they all hate you.
Jay raises an eyebrow, his expression showing a serious interest. Seth sips at his drink, a small, secretive smile playing about his lips.
Jay Omega: I can see how that might be embarrassing, sure. For Wade. Don’t expect it to go down the same way as my last Lumberjack Match with him did; I’ve only improved my skill set since the last time I tangled with any of those beach bum jackholes. I’m gonna make Moor EAT that litter--
The small smile on Seth’s face has been growing steadily, and he can finally contain himself no longer. Lerch puts his glass down with a snort, then leans back in his chair to let out a full bellied laugh that cuts off the end of Omega’s monologue like a circumcision. Seth continues to laugh, albeit a bit softer, as he shakes his head and pulls out his cell phone, speaking aloud as he types out a text.
Seth Lerch: Hey, Shannan, you owe me fifty bucks; the dumbass totally fell for it, LOL.
Lerch puts his phone back in his pocket while still chuckling to himself, then picks up his glass to take another sip before meeting Omega’s confused gaze.
Seth Lerch: Yeah, you’re not booked tonight. At all. Did you really think it would be that easy? The only reason I had you come here was to show you that I pull the strings in this company. I call the shots, and I decide who gets pushed and who gets buried. You’re not a star anymore, you’re a loser, and until I say otherwise, you won’t see anything but dirt and shovels, understand?
Lerch sips at his drink, then looks at Jay expectantly; the moment drawing out until the blank-faced Omega gives a single terse nod. Seth smiles in satisfaction and takes another sip, then gestures toward the door with his free hand.
Seth Lerch: Good, good. Feel free to show yourself out, but don’t leave the arena; I may decide to do something with you after all. I probably won’t, but card is subject to change and all that, so who knows? And if not, well, you can take some consolation in knowing that you’re already booked for next week.
With nothing more to be said, the angry Jay Omega makes his way to the door and wrenches it open.
Seth Lerch: And as per her request, you’ll be up against your old pal, Bonnie Blue.
The camera zooms in on Omega’s expression of shock for a moment, before we cut away.
The Wolf vs Trey Carter vs Udy vs Bishop
Lights goes out. Demonic Chants mashed with a howl is heard before blue pyro explode. "The Evil within/psycho break theme song Long Way Down" by Gary Numan starts plays (titantron shows weird demonic signs and figures). Blue smoke fills the arena and spot light focuses on a figure on one knee. Fenris stands behind him arms out stretched. Udy howls by as another set of blue pyro explode. Udy makes his way slowly before rolling in and kneels at middle of ring. Howls again as light comes back and music fades.
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentlemen, hailing from deep within the dark woods, he is accompanied to the ring by his manager FENRIS, he stands at an even 6 feet tall and weighs 200 pounds. This is Demon Wolf Udy!!!
Zach Davis: The crowd not so thrilled to see Udy, he must have revenge on his mind as he faces Trey Carter for the first time since Carter got the pinfall in their tag match a few weeks ago.
The arena goes dark as the music plays. The silhouette of Trey walks down the ramp and stops in the middle. When "Doomsday" is heard in the song, the lights in the arena continuously flash red and the turnbuckles shoot out a stream of fire. Trey has an evil smile on his face as he continues down the ramp and climbs into the ring. He stands in the middle and laughs maliciously.
Kyle Steel: Now entering the ring, from Anaheim California. He weighs 220 pounds and stands at 6 feet 2 inches tall. This is Trey Carter!!!!!
Freddy Whoa: Speaking of the devil, here is Trey Carter now. And when I say speaking of the devil, I mean it. This guy has something going that I’m not sure he is control of. A little scary if you ask me.
The lights go out and the sound of drum banging and a spot light follows Bishop to the ring.
Kyle Steel: Our next contestant stands seven feet tall and weighs 300 pounds! This is Bishop!!!
Zach Davis: Bishop is a big man with some big goals. He took a loss to his rival Gravedigger at Revenge, he could really benefit from a win tonight.
"Supercharger Heaven" By White Zombie starts to blare over the speakers as The Wolf bursts out from the back. He spins around in a circle at the top of the ramp and after a few rotations around, he glares at the crowd, flipping off the fans as he walks to the ring.
Kyle Steel: Coming to us from Metro City, he weighs 235 pounds and stands 6 feet 2 inches tall. This is The Outcast Legend, The Wolf!!
Freddy Whoa: You think Udy has revenge on his mind. The Wolf is howlin mad about how Udy beat him at the Revenge PPV. Let’s see what he does to exact some revenge tonight.
Whether it’s revenge or just practical WOLF locks up with UDY and UDY quickly flips him with a hip toss and follows up quickly with a snap leg drop and then a snap elbow drops on the grounded Wolf. UDY is up and deliver several targeted kicks to the head. UDY is definitely in control and picks WOLF up. WOLF hits UDY with a punch to the gut but it isn’t enough to change momentum as UDY responds with clubs to the back that send the wolf back down.
Freddy Whoa: UDY clearly in control of WOLF. If I were WOLF I would be on the lookout for FENRIS and a steel chair.
Zach Davis: UDY is in control there but look at what is going on with Bishop and Trey Carter! Bishop is just beating the hell, excuse my French, out of Trey Carter. It’s like Trey isn’t even there.
Freddy Whoa: Hell isn’t French, and I’m not sure Trey Carter is human. Look at him take blow after blow from Bishop and he is just standing there.
CARTER is just standing there getting wailed on by BISHOP. Blow after blow and CARTER does nothing. His limp body indicates that he is feeling the effects of the beating but his face looks as if he is unaffected by any of it. It’s almost as Trey wasn’t there. If BISHOP can discern CARTER’s situation, he doesn’t seem to care. He reigns down clubbing blows and delivers a nasty kick to the face. Carter falls to the ground like a sack of potatoes. BISHOP lifts CARTER up to set him for an apparent power bomb when BISHOP is run into from behind by WOLF. The impact sends BISHOP bouncing backward off the ropes and the lifeless CARTER through the ropes to the outside.
Zach Davis: Udy just threw Wolf into Bishop now those 3 are squaring off in the middle of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Technically, they are triangiuling off, either way Wolf has been able to recover and strikes first with multiple headbutts to Udy and Bishop.
BISHOP goes down from the headbutts and WOLF is holding UDY up and deliver more headbutts. He peppers in some chops to the throat and chest and send him crashing to the canvas with a discus punch. WOLF wastes no time in approaching BISHOP and giving a swift kick to the get to keep him at bay. He follows with a full body foot stomp and heads back over to UDY.
FW: Bad time for him to go back to UDY as UDY is quick to get back up and UDY lands solid knee strike right to WOLF’s temple. UDY with a pin attempt. That was a vicious knee, this could actually do it.
THRE..SAVED BY BISHOP!!
Zach Davis: He got there just in time and now he seems poised to take over the match.
BISHOP approaches WOLF and picks him up, as he does UDY is sprinting toward him from behind, he drops down to avoid contact leaving WOLF exposed, a quick thinking WOLF leapfrogs UDY to avoid contact and all men retreat to a corner. The crowd shows their appreciation for the technical defensive moves each wrestler just applied.
Zach Davis: Well done by all men and now let’s which of these men are going to be able to take it home.
Freddy Whoa: Not sop fast Zack, I’m not sure it is going to a man that takes it home. Look at what the devil just dragged in.
FREDDY is referring to TREY CARTER who is now back in the ring . He body looks beaten, but his face looks determined. His eyes still look empty, but they now look empty with a purpose. Although there are 3 men standing in the ring CARTER is undaunted as he approaches BISHOP and delivers to quick kicks to the gut and follows with a Devilman’s (Fisherman’s) Suplex. He rolls out of that move and heads directly to UDY and bashes him with a low blow and a massive head crushing DDT. WOLF rushes at CARTER only to have momentum used against him as WOLF finds himself on the receiving end of a Belly to Belly.
Freddy Whoa: Whoever or whatever is inside of Trey Carter, it is kicking some serious butt. All three men are own and Carter is headed over to UDY!
UDY is stammering to his feet and CARTER, like a cat, pounces on the top rope. As UDY seems to get his bearings it is too late CARTER is already the air and the Knox connects with all of it’s force. BISHOP is up and attacks CARTER only to be met with Street/Devil cutter.
Zach Davis: Carter, or whatever that is hit the Cutter, he goes for the pin
THREE…TREY CARTER GETS THE PINFALL
FW: Look at that Zack! As soon a head referee raises Trey Carter’s hand in victory, his eyes lose their purpose and he collapses lifeless to the mat! We are going to have to the medics out to clear this ring, Carter isn’t moving.
Seth Calls Out Torture
Master of Puppets hits and Seth Lerch makes his way from behind the curtain to a loud, overly loud, chorus of boos. Seth stops at the top of the ramp and snaps his fingers and his four very large security guards flank him with two on the left and two on the right. His music continues as Seth walks down the ramp and smirking at everyone.
Zach Davis: These guards have done nothing but put Torture through the ringer since January of this year, and last week they delivered some stiff moves knocking Torture out cold!
Freddy Whoa: Seth Lerch is trying to make a statement, it's not one I agree with, but he is trying to state that he isn't backing down from a challenge and he'll use any and every dirty tactic to win.
Zach Davis: And let's not forget their match in two weeks at WAR is NO DISQUALIFICATION, so you know Seth and these WCF developmental wrestlers posing as security guards will be on hand.
Seth is now standing in the ring with his guards watching around the ring from inside it.
Seth Lerch: Don't worry, Torture isn't here.
Seth Lerch: Why would he be? He's a part-timer! He's a piece of shit. He's a diva. He can't hang full time on the road.
Seth Lerch: Look, I'll prove it to you. Torture! COME ON OUT!
Zach Davis: Is he here?!
Camera cuts back to Seth smiling.
Seth Lerch: Told you. He doesn't care about you, he doesn't care about the roster in the back. He only cares about himself. Now that I have single-handedly embarrassed him for the THOUSANDTH time on live network television he won't show up tonight, not next week, and certainly isn't going to show up at WAR. I've defeated Torture. I have killed him. I have slayed the dragon that we used to hype as unbeatable. He's not so unbeatable now is he?
Crowd boos louder.
Seth Lerch: Look. I'm not entirely canceling our no disqualification match at WAR because I want to see all of your reactions when my hand is raised in the middle of that ring as the winner, so what I'm going to do now that Torture is out of the picture, is I'm going to go down to the ring, stand in the middle of it, and have Kyle Steel announce me as the one who not only created the career of Torture... but has officially KILLED the career of Torture..
Seth Lerch: And if-
We cut to backstage parking garage just inside the arena where an all black on black on black 2017 Range Rover comes sliding up.
Zach Davis: What the hell is this?!
Crowd cheers as Torture swings open the front door of the range rover and steps out and walking fast to the ring.
Freddy Whoa: WHOOOOAAAA YEAAAH TORTURE IS HERE BABY!!!
He only gets a few steps before he stops and thinks to himself. He turns back around to his Range Rover and opens the back drivers-side door. He pulls out a steel chair and slams his door behind him and continues to walk to the ring. The crowd goes fucking bananas and Seth throws down the microphone and gets his guards in place.
Crawl by Kings of Leon hits and Torture rushes through the curtain as a guard slides out of the ring and meets him half way up the ramp.
Zach Davis: TORTURE BRINGING THE EQUALIZER WITH HIM!!
He ducks the wild clothesline from the first guard and Torture kicks him in the gut then slams the chair on his back. Torture turns around and takes a few steps down the ramp as the bigger guard comes flying over the top rope in a wild splash but Torture just swings the chair and hits him out of mid-air! The crowd goes crazy as Torture slides the chair in and he follows and spears the third guard!
Zach Davis: TORTURE! TORTURE! TORTURE! HES GOING CRAZY TONIGHT, FREDDY!!
Freddy Whoa: TORTURE GETTIN' HIM SOME!
Torture ducks the fourth security guard and picks up the steel chair and goes to slam it on the head of the fourth guard before Seth grabs it out of Tortures hand causing Torture to turn around and out of nowhere a stiff clothesline from one of the guards hits Torture square in the chest and sends him down. Two guards jump on Torture with rights and lefts as the crowd boos.
Zach Davis: Aww Damn it! This is horsesh-
Freddy Whoa: Watch it, Zach!
Zach Davis: THIS IS A MUGGING, DAMN IT! YOU KNOW IT EVERYONE HERE KNOWS IT!
Freddy Whoa: Nothing we can do!
Zach Davis: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS AND ITS CRIMINAL!
The guards pick up Torture and the two first guards are back in and double-powerbomb Torture back on the mat. Seth demands they pick him up again. Seth lays down the steel chair on the mat and they all four pick up Tortures near-out cold body and powerbomb him on the steel chair knocking him out cold. The crowd rains down with boos as Seth Lerch stands over Torture with microphone in hand.
Seth Lerch: You EVER try that dumb ballsy move again and I'll take more than your career. I'll take your entire LIFE. This is just a small taste of what you're going to get at WAR, Torture. You are outnumbered. You will be destroyed.
Seth throws down the microphone and spits on Tortures face as he walks out of the ring. Master of Puppets hits and we cut to commercial break.
Zach Davis: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m getting word that there’s a commotion going on backstage in the...yes, the locker room area. We’ve got cameras back there now.
The cameras cut backstage as Mountain Dew Bob flies through the air and smashes into the locker room door. A loud voice rings out.
Voice: WHERE IS HE?? WHERE IS GRAVEDIGGER?
The camera pans over to show Bishop cornering another member of the Jobber Roster and pummeling Motherfuckin Danny. Bishop shoves him into the nearby locker hard enough to dent the thing. Danny crumples to the ground.
Freddy Whoa: We gotta get security back there to stop him!
Bishop: WHERE THE HELL IS GRAVEDIGGER?
Bishop grabs Cryboy McEmo by his entire skull, palming his head in his giant hand. He grabs him and powerbombs him onto the nearby bench. The crack from the sound is either the bench itself or Cryboy McEmo’s spine, we can’t be sure.
Zach Davis: We gotta get the EMTs back there, too!
Bishop yells out in rage and punches a nearby locker, crumpling the door. He hurries out of the locker room as the scene fades out.
Rumpke vs Jim Brantelli
The light dims into a purple light hue and smoke fills up the ramp leading to the ring. Halfway on the ramp slowly The Hellraiser Jim Brantelli and Joey Tanner come from the ground up. The arena goes completely black for a couple seconds. As the light turn back on Jim and Joey on each turnbuckle posing with an arm raised up as the crowd cheers and woo.
He stands at 6 feet 2 inches tall and weighs in at a trim and fit 185 pounds. Ladies and Gentlemen. Fighting out of Anchorage Alaska, he is accompanied to the ring by Joey Tanner, this is the Hellraiser Jim Brantelli!!
Zach Davis: The crowd is really into Jim Brantelli tonight. The Hellraiser chants aren’t something you hear everyday.
Freddy Whoa: We are close to Alaska maybe that’s what it is.
Last call for Alcohol by Hardcore Superstar hits the P.A. System. Moments later, Rumpke emerges from behind the curtain drinking a bottle of Kentucky Cornshine and a second bottle in his other hand. He walks down to the ring and kills the one bottle before he reaches the steps. Rumpke stands at the bottom of the steps. He looks down momentarily and then looks up at his opponent before the second bottle is opened. Rumpke raises the bottle up briefly before he goes into a long chug. Before we know it the second bottle is gone and Rumpke is walking up the steps as glares at his opponent. From there, Rumpke climbs into the ring and awaits the beginning of the match.
Kyle Steel: And his opponent,fighting out of Odon Indiana and weighing 245 and standing 5 fee t 10 inches tall. This is Rumpke!!!
Freddy Whoa: Wow the crowd is giving it up for Rumpke too. I think I know what it is about this. Crowd. Why they are so into this match.
Zach Davis: I do too Freddy. They know that with Hellraiser and Rumpke in the same ring somebody is getting their butt kicked.
Freddy Whoa: Yeah, and probably both of them.
The two men meet in the middle of the ring an immediately begin trading punches to the head. Neither man even tries to gain to gain the advantage. They are both content to take turn punching each other in the head. Hellraiser finally breaks rhythm and kicks RUMPKE in the gut and follows it with a DDT. RUMPKE hops right up wipes his head and laughs.
Zach Davis: Hellraiser doesn’t seem upset, he laughing along with RUMPKE.
Freddy Whoa: Yeah, this cant be healthy
The two meet again in the middle of the ring and again take turns punching each other in the head. At one Hellraiser feel RUMPKE is taking too long to take his shot. Instead of taking a swing at RUMPKE, Hellraiser yells at him to take his shot. After each shot Hellraiser wipes his forehead with his hand and then checks his palm. After seeing Hellraiser do this a few times RUMPKE starts doing the same thing. This time it is RUMPKE that breaks stride and kicks Hellraiser in the gut. He delivers his own DDT. Just like RUMPKE before him Hellraiser bounces and laughs off the assault.
Freddy Whoa: Zack, I’m a firm believer that men like this should always fight in cages.
Zach Davis: Freddy, I’m a firm believer that men like this should live in cages.
For a third time the two men meet in the middle of the ring. This time the two men simultaneously run toward opposite ropes and meet each other with a shoulder block in the middle of the ring. The collision bounces each man back about 3 feet but neither to the ground. Head referee Stanley Moser, however gets bumped into hard by RUMPKE and is sent to the outside.
Zach Davis: Both men are now just staring at each other, and now they are leaving the ring. Please don’t come here, please don’t come here!
Freddy Whoa: They’re coming here, they each just grabbed a chair and are head back to the middle of the ring.
Both men take turns slamming their chair into the other’s head. After about the eighth chair shot, Hellraiser has the look of a man who has struck gold. He puts the char down to the side and just stands there staring at RUMPKE’s forehead. A forehead that now contains a small trickle of blood.
Zach Davis: Is Jim telling RUMPKE to hit him with that chair? It’s almost like he is asking for blood.
Freddy Whoa: Knowing what I know about Jim Brantelli that sound about right, strange dude.
Hellraiser continues to beg RUMPKE to hit him with that chair and time after time, RUMPKE obliges. Hellraiser checks his forehead with hand time after time and eventually after about the 12th hit. Hellraiser brings his palm to his tongue and tastes what he has been craving. The blood on his palm is a small amount compared to what is pouring out of Hellraiser’s head.
Freddy Whoa: Am I going crazy, or does Hellraiser seem to be almost empowered by the flow of his own blood?
Zach Davis: Not almost empowered I mean look at him, he loves the blood.
Hellraiser tosses the chair to the outside and RUMPKE tries to do the same, but Hellraiser stops him
Zach Davis: Finally Stanley Moser is getting back in the ring, they better do something with that chair.
Freddy Whoa: Yikes! RUMPKE did something alright, he got one last shot in on Hellraiser and tossed the chair out before Moser could see it.
Both men have blood flowing from the forehead, both faces are a crimson mask and neither man seems to care all that much. Hellraiser does seem to have an extra pep in his step as soon as the blood started. He is able to take control with a series of DDT’s both standard and reversed. The final DDT leaves RUMPKE near the corner and Hellraiser ascends to the top rope.
Zach Davis: This is it, This is Raised Hell, a 450 splash!
Freddy Whoa: RUMPKE got up quickly and jacked Hellraiser with his vicious elbow smash he calls Denied. And it may very well deny Hellraiser a victory. Hellraiser appears knocked out after RUMPKE hits him with haymaker known as the Hangover. RUMPKE pounces on him and begins to beat him down with a ground and pound style approach.
Freddy Whoa: This is how he finishes off a lot of opponents. He covers him
THREE….RUMPKE WINS BY WAY OF PINFALL
Freddy Whoa: Every bar in Seattle is going make a little extra money tonight.
Zach Davis: A winning drunk is better than a losing drunk any day.
The Search Continues
The scene opens up to Bishop in the backstage area. Two backstage attendants are having a chat when they see Bishop storm up.
Bishop: Where is Gravedigger?
The two men shrug with confused looks on their faces.
Man: I don’t know. I don’t think he’s gotten here yet.
Bishop glares at the man.
Bishop: Are you hiding him? WHERE IS HE?!
Before the man can respond. Bishop grabs the man and hurls him through a nearby window, shattering it. The other man runs away just before Bishop can grab him as well.
Zach Davis: How have security not caught up to Bishop yet? We need help backstage.
As if on cue, members of WCF security come running down the hallway. Bishop turns and grins. He runs at them and gives one the big boot. The others swarm him and grab him, trying to put him on the ground, but he yells out in rage and shoves them all off of him and starts going to work, punching them and throwing them into the concrete wall. He picks another one up and gorilla press slams the man into the ceiling, letting him bounce onto the concrete behind him.
Bishop: BRING ME GRAVEDIGGER! WHERE IS HE?!
Freddy Whoa: Gravedigger isn’t even scheduled to be here tonight!
Zach Davis: Well no one told Bishop!
The scene fades out as BIshop moves on down the hall, the sounds of the WCF security members groaning can be heard in the background.
Television Title Match
Damian Simmons vs John Rabid
The lights go out. The fans begin to use their phone flashlights, illuminating the crowd with bright orbs of white light.
After a few seconds, a voiceover begins to play, the words also being written on the tron.
"This... is a message for those of you who remain silent. This is for those who believe their opinion is meaningless. This is for those who were forced into believing they are nothing in the grand scheme of things... You are wrong. Your voice alone may be small, but as a group, you can be louder than a lions roar. I am here to bring that out of you. I am here to represent the silent. majority.
The tron goes black. Everything is quiet until the music bursts to life, filling the silence. The arena is flooded with red light.
Simmons steps out from behind the curtain, a white spotlight cutting through the red and shines on him. Raising his fists overhead, he lets the cheers roar out before beginning his walk to the ring.
Walking down the ramp, Simmons points high into the crowd. His voice is picked up on the camera saying: "Your voice is is not useless!"
Walking up the steps, Simmons enters the ring over the top rope. Walking to the center of the ring, he lifts his fists overhead once more, posing to the crowd.
“Death Breath - Toxic Avenger Remix” by Bring Me The Horizon hits as a huge pyrotechnic barrage explodes around the jumbotron. As the smoke clears, we see John Rabid standing tall; arms outstretched as he spins on the spot. Rabid struts down the ramp, snarling and gnashing his teeth at a stray cameraman as John's name appears on a Slam graphic. Meanwhile, Rabid's 'tron plays in the background; it's The Ripper hitting the Kingdom Destroyer on a cavalcade of doomed jobbers, this scene is intercut with footage of Lon Chaney in Tod Browning's "London After Midnight" (1927). Rabid reaches the ramp and climbs the turnbuckle, “smelling” the cheer's from the crowd before taking off his black trench-coat and shades and waving his hapless opponent on with a cocky smirk on his face.
Zach Davis: John Rabid has become, without a doubt, the greatest Television Champion of all time. That said, he's not going to hold the belt FOREVER - someone is going to get the best of him sometime.
Freddy Whoa: So you've gotta wonder - who is going to become the man to defeat the greatest Television Champion of all time and take the belt from him?
Zach Davis: Damian Simmons looks to be that man!
The bell sounds, and John Rabid looks to make this a short one - he runs at Damian Simmons and goes for a V Trigger. Simmons sidesteps him and Rabid pays for his mistake, flying into the corner. He's pressed against it as Simmons hits him with a series of strikes before launching him across the ring into the adjacent ringpost. Simmons runs at him and Clotheslines him, sending Rabid stumbling out. Simmons hits a Bionic Elbow, dropping Rabid and going for a pin.
Kickout from the Champ.
Freddy Whoa: Damian Simmons knew he wouldn't get the win there but he's in the driver's seat and he made John Rabid use his energy to kick out.
Simmons hits the ropes and goes for a Leg Drop but Rabid rolls away. Rabid uses the ropes to work his way up and Simmons rushes him, Rabid executes a Back Bodydrop which sends Simmons flying over, though Simmons lands on the apron. Rabid gives him a vicious back elbow which sends him flying to the outside. Rabid immediately sends his body over the top with a Suicide Plancha!
Zach Davis: HIGH RISK FROM JOHN RABID!
Simmons stumbles up and Rabid rushes him and goes for another V Trigger, this one hits Simmons and he's pushed into the guardrail. Rabid follows up by climbing onto the apron and jumping off, going for a Flying Nothing onto Simmons - but Simmons, predictably avoids it. Simmons kicks Rabid in the gut, doubling him over. He grapples him from behind and puts him in a Full Nelson.
Freddy Whoa: ELEVATION ON THE OUTSIDE!
NO!, Rabid is able to reverse it and Arm Drags Simmons, he had it scouted. Simmons gets back up and Rabid hits a Spinning Heel Kick before running to the guardrail, using it like he would the ropes and coming back, hitting a Lethal Injection!
Zach Davis: These guys have to get back into the ring!
Rabid picks Simmons up and slides him in before coming in after him and pinning him.
Freddy Whoa: How did Simmons survive that inventive offense?
As Simmons stumbles up, Rabid runs at him and hits ANOTHER V Trigger, this one gives Rabid the time to Springboard and hit Simmons with a Calf Kick.
Zach Davis: Greetings from London!
Simmons gets to his feet...
Freddy Whoa: THE ABDICATOR!
Rabid hits his Taekwondo Spinning Hook Kick but Simmons ducks it! He hooks Rabid again.
Zach Davis: ELEVATION!
NO!, Rabid breaks away before Simmons can get the Full Nelson locked in. Rabid switches behind Simmons and grapples him, hits the ripchord and then fires off a Bull Hammer elbow.
Freddy Whoa: REIGN MAKER!
Simmons is dazed and this allows Rabid to hit the ropes and then hook him.
Zach Davis: KINGDOM DESTROYER!
Rabid pins his adversary, hooking the leg.
Freddy Whoa: John Rabid retains the Television Title!
Rabid gets to his feet as the ref hands him the Television Title, which he holds up in the air.
Zach Davis: One more week until Slam 400, then we've got War, where John Rabid heads into maybe the most significant match in his entire WCF career.
We go to commercial as John Rabid looks amongst the crowd and plays to them.
Where is Gravedigger?
The scene opens up in the parking garage of the Bank of America Arena. Bishop is stalking through the parking garage, occasionally ducking down to look in vehicles.
Zach Davis: Oh no! Not again! Someone send more security back there!
Freddy Whoa: You think any member of security is going back there. They’re all hiding in the bathroom stalls or they suddenly came down with food poisoning. We’re going to need the police!
Bishop: GRAVEDIGGER!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?
Bishop pauses and looks over to his left. His eyes grow wide and he suddenly leaps out of the way. A Ford F-150 slams into a Dodge Durango in the parking lot in the spot where Bishop was just at.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!!
Zach Davis: What the hell was that??!
The camera zooms out to show Gravedigger getting up off the ground, making it clear that he aimed the car at Bishop but rolled out of the car at the last minute. Bishop is still on the ground, looking horrified as Gravedigger gets up, a bruise already forming on his arm from where he hit it when rolling.
Gravedigger runs over to Bishop.
Gravedigger: You been looking for me, bitch?
Bishop gets up but Gravedigger is on top of him and knees him in the head and hops on top of him as he hits the ground again. Gravedigger starts pounding away at Bishop with vicious rights. Gravedigger finally gets up off of Bishop and gives him a couple of stomps to the head. Gravedigger walks away off camera as Bishop slowly tries to get up.
Bishop is in a standing position when Gravedigger yells out as he runs back on screen and he goes for a big boot. Bishop ducks out of the way and Gravedigger’s foot actually crashes through a nearby car window. Bishop is on top of him pummeling away at him. Gravedigger pulls his leg out of the car window and starts brawling with Bishop.
Gravedigger kicks Bishop in the midsection and hurls his head through the backseat window of the same car. Bishop is bleeding from the glass cutting his cheek. He shrugs it off and starts trading huge rights and lefts with Gravedigger.
Finally, WCF security shows up and even though it takes about 2 dozen men, they finally start separating the two men as the scene fades out again.
Hardcore Title Match
Matthew Drake vs Ethan King
Kyle Steel: The next contest is of the WCF Hardcore Championship!!
"Forever" by Drake starts playing strobe lights of all colors are flashing then the lights completely shut off and pyro at the stage starts and shoots down the ramp and Matthew Drake appears. He walks down the ramp with a very cocker swagger about him the women cheer because he is hot and the guys boo cause they wanna be him. He gets to the ring and climbs the turnbuckle and holds his arms up in victory before the match even starts he knows how good he is he jumps down and walks to the middle of the ring and holds his arms out and shines his cocky smirk to the fans.
Kyle Steel: Entering the ring first, the challenger! He is from Atlanta, Georgia. He weighs 215 pounds and stands 6 feet 3 inches tall. This is Matthew Drake!!
Zach Davis: I think it is safe to say that the fans feel the same about Matthew Drake as he feels about him.
Freddy Whoa: A real hate/hate relationship.
The beginning of "Alone With All The World” plays triumphantly throughout the arena, enticing a raucous wave of boos from the crowd. The lights gradually begin to dim, coming down to a dark hue that places extra emphasis on the stage. Large, golden letters flash over the black titantron.
THE FUTURE KING...
A flash of golden pyro goes off as Ethan King makes his way to the top of the entrance ramp from the backstage area, all-knowing smile spread over his face as he holds both arms out in a welcoming gesture, bathing in both the adulation and spite from the crowd.
The young superstar begins his descent down the ramp, Hardcore Title held over his shoulder, arms still held out by his side as he ignores the few hands of fans reaching over the barricade to try and get a touch of the sensation.
He bounds up onto the apron of the ring, mouthing the words “Showtime” to the camera arrogantly before leaping and swinging himself over the top rope, he lands elegantly and spins around, holding his arms out once more before coming to a complete stop in the center of the ring. He shrugs his Hardcore Title off his shoulder, raising it high above his head with one arm - much to the annoyance of the crowd, who jeer him relentlessly - before handing it to the official.
He smiles once more before retreating to his own corner of the ring, sitting down with a look of amusement on his face as he awaits for the match to commence.
Kyle Steel: Introducing now to you your REIGNING Hardcore Champion! Representing Everest, he stands 6 feet 2 inches tall and weighs 210 pounds hailing from Los Angeles, California. He is 'The Eminent'... ETHAN KING!"
Zach Davis: Speaking of someone the fans hates.
Freddy Whoa: Perfect, because he hates them too.
Zach Davis: Folks this is a hardcore match and that is why the WCF has placed that oversized metal trashcan at ringside.
Freddy Whoa: I don’t have that much stuff in my garage and they shoved all of it into a trashcan!?
ETHAN KING wastes no time in heading to the outside and grabs a kendo stick from the trashcan. MATTHEW DRAKE Tries to meet him there, but is a second too late and meets a kendo stick to the head instead. MATTHEW DRAKE Stumbles back and that allows ETHAN KING To give him a bulldog with the kendo onto the hard concrete. KING follows up with a knee drop to back of the head. KING smacks DRAKE across the back with the kendo stick and the stick splinters in two leaving a red welt on the back of DRAKE. KING kicks DRAKE in the back of the head before making his way back to the trashcan.
Zach Davis: The crowd is loving this. I don’t think they care for either of the guys doing it, but they love what they are doing.
Freddy Whoa: And they are doing it, and doing it, and doing it well.
As ETHAN KING makes his way back to the trashcan, a dazed MATTHEW DRAKE Is able to find feet and charges the Hardcore Champion from behind. He connects with a dropkick to the back of ETHAN KING Sending the champ barreling into the trashcan, spilling much of it’s content at onto the floor of the arena. MATTHEW DRAKE Tosses the can and it’s contents out of the way and into the ring. He grabs a shovel from the floor and delivers a shovel shot the ribs of ETHAN KING and KING feels it. He picks ETHAN KING up and tosses him the shovel. KING catches it and DRAKE immediately cracks him with a superkick to shovel that hits the head. This sends KING stumbling back the apron. DRAKE sprints to the champ and nails him with a short-armed clothesline.
Zach Davis: Oh that was a double whammy! The damage to the head was coupled with King’s back bending against the apron.
Freddy Whoa: Not to mention the subsequent kicks to the chest by Drake.
Zach Davis: Well, those kicks at least got the action back into the ring.
Both men are back in the ring, KING is dazed and rolling around amongst the weapons that are scattered across the ring. DRAKE is still in control and selects a baking pan to smack a now kneeling EVAN KING right on his skull. The sound the steel makes upon contact with the Hardcore champion’s cranium is disgusting and the effect is devastating. KING crumbles from his kneeling position onto the canvas and the crowd reaches a fevered pitch. DRAKE looks as if he is about to toss the now bent baking sheet to the outside. Instead, he slides the baking sheet underneath KING who is struggling to get up.
Zach Davis: This is the Lights Out! He just hit the Hardcore Champion with a Lights Out! He goes for the cover
THRE..KICKOUT by KING!
Freddy Whoa: How close was MATTHEW DRAKE to becoming the WCF Hardcore champion?
Zach Davis: He was close. But not close enough. Drake looks shocked that wasn’t the end.
DRAKE sits in disbelief as a lifeless ETHAN KING lay next to him. DRAKE gets up and attempts to pick KING up by his hair, but is surprised when he touches and draws his hand back. His hand is now blood stained from what is a massive gash in the back of KING’s head. DRAKE quickly gets over the surprise, but not quick enough as KING is able to give some quick jabs to the stomach. This doubles Drake over and KING is able to spring up from his kneeling position and catch DRAKE with a DDT all in one motion.
Zach Davis: Wow! The impact of that DDT flipped Drake over and he is on his back. The Champion drapes his arm over the challenger!
THRE..DRAKE raises the shoulder.
Freddy Whoa: Nowhere near enough. No energy to hook the leg, or even use any leverage.
Zach Davis: I may need to use leverage to get that money you owe.
Freddy Whoa: Good luck with that.
Zach Davis: King appears deflated after not getting the three count. He is still writhing in pain on the mat. Drake is up and choosing his next weapon.
Freddy Whoa: He finds a 2 by 4, that has his name on it. No , literally someone wrote “for use during the Matthew Drake vs Ethan King” match with a Sharpie.
DRAKE moves cautiously to the still body of ETHAN KING. He gives it a little shove with his foot , and then raises the 2 by 4 above his head as if to bring that piece of lumber down so hard it would end most men. But it doesn’t come to that, KING is able to strike DRAKE in the gut with a right hand and then to head with his left. KING’s hand are now adorned with a pair of brass knuckles each. Clearly exhausted but also seeing his opportunity, KING pounces on DRAKE with a flurry of jumping fist drops. Blood is now pouring from DRAKE’s forehead, and we can also see the matting in KING’s hair from the blood flow from the back of his head.
Zach Davis: That’s what makes Ethan King so good. Those brass knucks didn’t come with the trashcan, Ethan King supplied those himself
Freddy Whoa: Well, he’s talking them off now so that he can set up that table. Why is he setting it up on the outside of the ring.
Zach Davis: That’s not the question. The question is why is he setting up a second on top of it?
After stacking the tables, KING approaches DRAKE and picks him up. Like KING, DRAKE is covered in what is now a mixture both combatants blood. With a few European uppercuts to keep DRAKE stunned KING brings him over the side of the ring near where the tables are stacked 2 high on the outside.
Zach Davis: Oh no, he cant be, he is..he did?! What…the…
Freddy Whoa: I’ll tell you what the, Ethan King just hit Matthew Drake with his version of backdrop driver called the Bleak Future and it sent him through 2 tables!
Zach Davis: Now look at King, he is struggling to get up and now he is climbing to the top turnbuckle. Nothing good can come from this, please get him down.
Freddy Whoa: He must have heard you Zack, because he came down. It’s just he came down with Insanity's Inception, corkscrew senton bomb, right onto Drake who is still the splintered pile that used to be 2 tables.
Zach Davis: King with a cover. Moser is on the outside with a count.
Kyle Steel: Your winner by pinfall, and still the WCF Hardcore champion, Ethan King!!!!
Hide and Seek
The scene cuts back to the merchandise & food court area where customers are lined up buying the merchandise of their favorite WCF stars or getting some beer and nachos to snack on while watching the action in the ring.
Zach Davis: Ah, Bank of America Arena. One of WCF’s favorite locations to film outside of Pennsylvania. Look at all the great fans about to go home with some great souven---
Zach is cut off when the fans start running away screaming. Bishop pops up on the left side of the screen shoving fans out of the way.
Bishop: GRAVEDIGGER!! WHERE DID YOU GO? STOP HIDING!!
Bishop leaps out of the way as a golf cart comes careening at him and crashes into one of the merchandise stands, nearly hitting him in the process. Gravedigger climbs out of the golf cart, dazed. Bishop wastes no time, attacking him.
Freddy Whoa: What now?! Again?! Didn’t WCF security already break these guys up?
Zach Davis: Who keeps giving Gravedigger access to vehicles?
Bishop pounds away at Gravedigger and the two start brawling as fans continue screaming and run away from the two men. Bishop hurls Gravedigger into one of the food vendors, tossing him over the counter. Gravedigger hops up and grabs hot dogs and starts tossing them at Bishop. Bishop ducks but screams out in pain as Gravedigger hits him in the arm with a bunch of nacho cheese.
Gravedigger jumps over the counter and boots Bishop to the around and pounds away at Bishop. A fan quickly runs over with a tortilla chip and scoops some of the nacho cheese off of Bishop’s arm before running away again. Bishop fights back and shoves Gravedigger into one of the merchandise stands. Bishop walks over and pours beer on the nacho cheese to cool off his arm and wipes it away with some napkins.
Bishop grabs a nearby trash can and hurls it at Gravedigger, hitting him in the chest. Gravedigger yells out in pain. Bishop yells out in rage and runs at Gravedigger, but Gravedigger ducks and dumps BIshop over into the merchandise stand himself.
Bishop disappears for a few seconds before popping back up wearing a Bishop hat. He has a shirt in his hands and wraps it around Gravedigger’s throat, pulling back over the counter. It’s a Gravedigger t-shirt that he’s choking Gravedigger with?
Gravedigger flails about grabbing for anything he can get his hands on. His hands close around a foam finger and he swings at Bishop to no effect. Finally the door to the merchandise stand bursts open and several members of WCF security swarm Bishop while others swarm Gravedigger on the other side as the scene fades out once more.
No Disqualification Match
Luke Force vs Mikey eXtreme
WAR OF THE WORDS!!! (video package)
Luke Force to Mikey eXtreme
I’m strong you’re weak,
I’m bold you’re meek.
I’m smart you’re insane,
Me Tarzan you Jane.
I’m sober you’re drunk,
I’m all class you’re a punk.
If I’m hunger you’re thirst,
I’m the best you’re the worst
I’m the master you’re the servant,
You’re cold I’m fervent.
I’m lofty you’re lowly,
I move quick you go slowly
I’m the leader you’re the follower,
I spit fire and you’re a swallower
I’m a mountain you’re a valley,
I’m a man they call you Sally
I succeed, you fail
You’re soft like snow, I’m hard as hail
I’m famous, you’re unknown
I bang women, how many guys have you blown?
I drink water, you guzzle Coke
I’m on top of this sport, your career is a joke.
You’re a disease, I’m the picture of health
Your loud and clumsy, I go stealth.
I’m brave, you’re a coward
I’m nuclear, and you’re not even powered.
Mikey eXtreme to Luke Force
…This is not the resume that you need to step into my ring, Luke. This is not the resume that gets you this opportunity. This is a resume that gets you into a match with Adam Young. This is a resume that gets you into a match with Ethan King.
This doesn’t get you into my ring.
I don’t care how long you lasted against John Rabid. I would have put an end to Rabid and wrapped two belts around my waist, notoriously. But, you? You simply didn’t get pinned for 20 mins. 20 mins and one second, and well, that was a different story, right? That’s the true picture that we’re looking at. You lost that match.
But they grant you a match with me?
Don’t expect much out of this, Luke. Don’t expect to last twenty minutes in there with me. Don’t expect to last more than 5 minutes. Because this is the big leagues, Luke. This is where you have to put up or shut up, and trust me, I’m going to make you shut up.
I’m going to take away any ounce of pride you got from lasting 20 minutes with John Rabid, because that’s what you deserve. You deserve to be left there to wallow in your own self pity. You deserve absolutely nothing.
So that’s what I’ll let you leave with. They’ll carry you out of this ring in a stretcher, and you’ll think back to yourself about your game plan and you’ll realize that it didn’t matter because you were not in that ring with a human being, you were in there with the fucking KING.
Freddy Whoa: Ladies and gentlemen we have a battle for the ages that’s about to be put on display tonight!
Zach Davis: That’s right, Freddy. We have the up and comer Luke Force about to take on the Omega Champion Mikey eXtreme. This is a no disqualification matchup. Which means…
Freddy Whoa: No disqualifications. I think everyone can put that together, Davis…
Zach Davis: (rolls eyes) Yes… But it means much more than that. While this is certainly a chance for a newer wrestler like Luke Force to get the taste of the limelight, is this an amazing opportunity for the young star, or just feeding him to the sharks. They had a nasty back and forth this past week, so expect a lot of emotion in this match.
The lights in the arena go out, a mock 7-11 logo that says “kickin ass 24-7” appears on the jumbo screen. A singular green tinted spotlight shines to Luke “The Irresistible” Force standing on the entrance ramp as smoke surrounds him. “Irresistible Force” by The Too Skinnee J’s begins to play. As the beat kicks into high gear, pyro explodes as Luke busts through the smoke and down the ramp.
Freddy Whoa: Here he comes! I know this match type heavily favors the eXtreme King, but something tells me we haven’t even begun to have scratched the surface of “The Irresistible” Force!
Kyle Steel: Ladies and gentleman, this is a no-disqualification match set for one fall! First coming into the ring, standing at 6’5” and weighing in at 255 pounds. Hailing from Virginia Beach, Virginia… Luke “The Irresistible” Force!!
The spotlight follows Luke to ringside where Luke pauses and surveys the scene. He hops to the apron, with his back to the ropes and facing the crowd, Luke raises his arms in concert with the pyro. Luke enters the ring with the arena stilled blacked out except for the spotlight on Luke. He climbs to the second rope and raises his arms again and the house lights flash on as the ring pyro explodes. As Luke stretches his massive arms out and extends his chest as if he were going to beat on it, we see him in on his glory against the house lights. The house lights go out, and Luke heads to the middle of the ring still in the spotlight.
Zach Davis: He certainly looks confident coming into this match, I’ll give you that. He looks like he is going to do everything in his power to give Mikey eXtreme a run for his money.
The lights begin to slowly go off, section by section, until the arena is completely black. "Get Born Again" by Alice in Chains blares over the PA system as the lights on the stage begin to slowly flash on and off. Mikey eXtreme steps out onto the stage with his arms held out and his head titled back as he looks to the ceiling. Vidalia and Freakshow flank him as they make their way ringside.
Kyle Steel: Making his way down to the ring being accompanied by Vidalia and Freakshow, hailing from Brooklyn, New York and weighing in at 225 lbs… Mikey eXXXXXXtreme!
Mikey ignores the fans trying to reach out to touch him. He throws the kendo stick into the ring and rolls under the bottom rope, crawling to the corner where he sits laughing and rocking back and forth. Freakshow circles the ring, staring at Luke Force as Vidalia whispers some kind of plan into Mikey's ear.
Luke Force stands in the middle of the ring and signals for Mikey to meet him there. Mikey, not phased, takes his time getting up and confidently meets Luke. The two trade verbal jabs as the referee signals for the match to start. As soon as the bell rings, the two trading blows.
Zach Davis: And we’re off!
Freddy Whoa: That didn’t take long!!
The two, much to the fans delight, throw hard punches at each other, neither worried much about defense. Mikey eventually gets the better of the exchange and capitalizes with a kick to the stomach. Luke hunches over and Mikey uses the opportunity to punch him hard across the head. Luke is down to a knee, before Mikey stands him back up and launches him into the ropes. As Luke comes back, Mikey attempts a clothesline but Luke ducks it. Luke bounces on the ropes coming back towards Mikey attempting a clothesline of his own, but Mikey ducks it as well. In veteran fashion, the second Luke’s back hits the ropes again, Mikey charges at him with a jumping clothesline to send him out of the ring. As Luke struggles to his feet, Mikey climbs onto the top rope.
Freddy Whoa: Oh no, that’s never a good thing…
Mikey turns so that his back is facing Luke and then launches off for the moonsault. Luke regains himself and charges, catching Mikey in midair and spearing him into the steel steps. The crowd goes nuts as the announcers are in shock.
Zach Davis: I think he just killed him!!
Both wrestlers writhe in pain but Luke is the first to his feet. He lifts Mikey to his feet and scoop slams him hard onto the steps. Luke positions him on the steps and then climbs up to the mat.
Freddy Whoa: I think he’s gonna jump!!
Before he could launch himself off, Freakshow pulls his leg and Luke comes crashing to the floor. The two kick him as he struggles to get back up. Finally, Luke fights to his feet and the two run away. Luke chases them around the ring, completely pissed off. He chases them back to the steel steps and realizes Mikey is gone. Luke searches the area a bit before he is hit in the back with a kendo stick by Vidalia. Luke turns around and stares right at her, begging her to swing the stick again. She does, this time Luke catches it and pulls it from her grasp. Before he could do anything, he is met with a superkick against the side of his head.
Zach Davis: X Marks The Spot!!!
Freddy Whoa: Where the hell did he come from?!
Zach Davis: He was hiding in the crowd! Could this be what he and Vidalia were whispering about in the beginning of the match?! The numbers game really stacks this match in Mikey’s favor.
“Irresistible Force” by The Too Skinnee J’s plays again.
Freddy Whoa: What the hell is going on here?
The crowd is puzzled until they see three figures emerge from the curtain. The sexy brunette Anita Cox, the elderly Dick Gozinya and the massive giant Hugo all walk down the ramp. Anita and Dick are armed with various weapons like steel pipes and the classic steel chair. And Hugo is…well…he’s 7’5” 500 pounds.
Zach Davis: This is that family Luke was talking about!!
Freddy Whoa: Good God is that a person!!! It’s huge!!!
Zach Davis: Yeah, I believe that “Hugo”. He’s massive standing at…
Freddy Whoa: No, no, no! I mean the babe! She can’t be human, look at that ass!!
The trio head down to ringside and have a stand-off with Vidalia and Freakshow. The stand-off ends as Luke picks himself back up and Mikey Extreme rushes to meet him with hard rights.
Zach Davis: I guess know the two groups have a mutual understanding of not to interfere.
Mikey whips Luke into the ring post, which Luke hits hard and rests upon. Mikey charges at him and throws himself in the air, landing the splash. Luke takes the impact and sinks to the floor. The groups cheer for their respective wrestler as Mikey throws Luke back into the ring. Mikey signals Vidalia and she tosses him the Kendo Stick. He rolls into the ring with bad intentions. Luke, sensing he’s a danger, quickly gets up and charges at Mikey. He grabs the kendo stick and the two try to pull it from each other’s grasp. Seeing it isn’t going anywhere, Mikey lets go of the stick and connects with a standing dropkick. Luke hits the mat hard but quickly struggles to his feet. Mikey uses the momentum to hit a DDT on his opponent. Luke won’t stop fighting, He turns onto his stomach and tries his best to push up off the mat. Mickey notices this and nods to himself. He sizes Luke up and waits for his opportunity.
Zach Davis: Ladies and gentleman, it looks as though he’s going to hit “eXtinguished”.
Mikey eXtreme runs towards Luke, but Luke pushes up and hits a hard clothesline. Both wrestlers slowly get to their feet. Mikey attempts a superkick, but this Luke catches his foot and uses it to spin Mikey around. Mikey uses the momentum of being spun to connect with an Enziguri. It connects against the back of Luke’s head and he lays dazed on the ropes. Mikey sees this and launches himself against the opposite ropes and charges at Luke. Luke snaps out of it and falls to the side so that Mikey flies through the middle ropes and bounces right off the 500 pound Hugo. The crowd laughs as Hugo doesn’t move or even bother to react.
Freddy Whoa: I’m going to take a wild guess that he didn’t even feel that…
Mikey shakes it off and holds his back as he rolls back into the ring. Luke meets him and as Mikey stands up, he hits the Russian Leg Drop. He drags him towards the middle of the ring and puts him in a sharpshooter.
Zach Davis: Lukedown!!!!
Freddy Whoa: What the hell?!
Zach Davis: We could be witnessing one of the greatest upsets in WCF history!!!
Freddy Whoa: I called it!!!
The referee is glued to Mikey as he continuously asks if he wants to surrender the match. Luke puts a lot of extra strength into the hold, trying to break Mikey in half. Everyone at ringside is on the apron, cheering and yelling for their wrestler. Except Hugo. He stands in the same spot staring, just being 7’5” and 500 pounds. Mikey is in a whole lot of pain but refuses to tap out. He reaches out for the ropes and spots the kendo stick in the ring. He grabs on to the stick and smashes Luke over the head with it.
Freddy Whoa: What a brilliant reversal!!!
Zach Davis: Seriously?
Mikey tries to stand but almost collapses because of the pressure of the hold. He slowly climbs to the top rope. The crowd goes nuts.
Zach Davis: Where is this energy coming from?!
Luke stirs and starts to get to his feet by the time Mikey is on the top. A chair is thrown into the ring by Anita. Luke quickly grabs the chair and when Mikey flies off the rope for Double Axe Handle, he smashes him over the head with it. Mikey is out cold. Luke lifts the chair to his face so he could continue the onslaught, but Freakshow pulls Luke’s feet from out of the ring, so that Luke lands face first into the chair he’s holding.
Freddy Whoa: Just when he had the upper hand!
The two groups once again have a standoff. Except for Hugo. He just stands their being 7’5”, 500 pounds. Nobody wants any part of that… Luke and Mikey lay hurt in the ring, trying their best to climb to their feet.
The referee demands that everyone except Mikey eXtreme and Luke Force leave the ringside area!
Zach Davis: Everything is even!
With just Force and eXtreme in the ring, both get to their feet and throw a series of sloppy strikes before mikey is able to snap off an X MARKS THE SPOT out of nowhere! Force stumbles into the ropes, won't go down, stumbles back - Mikey grabs him by the back of the neck.
Freddy Whoa: eXplosion!!
Mikey drops down and pins Luke, hooking the leg.
The bell soudns.
Zach Davis: The Omega Champion wins this one!
Hugo Brutus is immediately ringside to grab the FUTV title and heads to safety with it. Meanwhile, Mikey eXtreme stands to his feet and gets his Omega Championship handed to him.
Freddy Whoa: Mikey eXtreme is the number two Champion in this company. Going into War, that makes him one of the favorites to win the whole damn thing.
Zach Davis: Would Mikey ever shut up about it? I think not.
We go to commercial.
Bishop/Gravedigger/Seth Lerch Segment
Slam comes back from commercial to the top of the ramp. Gravedigger comes hurrying out from the back, looking over his shoulder towards the backstage area. He jumps in surprise when the fans pop at the sight of him, not realizing where he was at.
The loud motor of a vehicle can be heard and Gravedigger hightails it down the ramp. The entryway explodes as a zamboni crashes out onto the ramp from backstage, Bishop in the driver’s seat.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!!!
Zach Davis: What the hell!?!? Somebody stop these two!
The zamboni roars down the ramp, but Gravedigger just manages to get out of the way. Unfortunately for Bishop, he plows into the barricades and takes out a dozen fans in the process. He put the zamboni in reverse, but misreads the space he has and plows into the opposite barricade, taking out more fans in the process. Bishop puts the zamboni back in drive, but at this point he has wedged the zamboni.
Zach Davis: Did Bishop just Austin Powers a zamboni?
Bishop jumps off the zamboni and meets Gravedigger at ringside where the two start brawling once more. Before they can start tearing up another part of the arena a voice can be heard over the arena’s speakers.
Voice: WAIT A MINUTE!! WAIT A MINUTE! STOP!
Seth Lerch walks out from the back with a microphone in hand. Bishop and Gravedigger ignore him, still tearing into each other.
Seth Lerch: You two either stop right now or I’ll fire you both and then sue you for all the property damage you’ve caused tonight!
Both men slowly start swinging at each other and stop, turning towards Seth.
Seth Lerch: You know, it’s taking a lot to not just follow through with what I just said and fire both your asses. The property damage and lawsuits will leave me tied up in the courts for a while, but you two have brought me far more money during your WCF tenure than what you’ve cost me tonight.
But I can’t keep allowing this to go on every week and especially with how much it has escalated tonight. Next week is the 400th episode of Slam! What better way than featuring the two of you going at it once more. Right, fans?!
The crowd pops. Bishop and Gravedigger both look out at the fans and then glare at each other.
Seth Lerch: So, since this is all about celebrating the tradition of Slam and you two represent it more than anyone, I thought we’d go back in time to Slam FOURTEEN! Yes, that’s right, the 14th edition of Slam. It will be 4 days shy of being exactly 14 years ago, ironically, since the two of you squared off in this type of match, one we haven’t had here in WCF in a long time...HELL IN A CELL!
The crowd pops loudly as both Bishop and Gravedigger pop. The two men turn towards each other, standing nose to nose.
Seth Lerch: So next week at Slam 400, we will see Gravedigger and Bishop in a Hell in a Cell match for the People’s Title! You do NOT want to miss that match! You two will settle this beef you have next week!
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!! What a match we will see next week on Slam 400!
Zach Davis: I can’t believe this! This will be amazing! Fans, you don’t want to miss it!
Sidney J. Warwick vs Teo del Sol
Zach Davis: Here we go with a battle of two men who were, at least on paper, tag team partners on last week's show.
Freddy Whoa: "On paper" are the operative words there, because one of the so-called partners didn't even participate in the match.
The Crowd explodes as a roaring guitar riff from Motley Crue's "Kickstart My Heart" tears throughout the arena, signaling the arrival of the one and only Teo del Sol! The lights drop, enveloping the arena in darkness as they turn towards the entrance ramp.
With a crescendo and a burst of flame, Teo del Sol springs onto the entrance ramp, a white and gold jacket with a Luchador's mask emblazoned across the back. He walks forward, holding his hands out over his head and bathing in the applause.
He takes a deep bow and walks towards the ring, high fiving the fans along the way. He wears a happy grin as he rolls between the ropes, offering his opponent an extended handshake before shrugging and walking to the turnbuckle.
He holds his arms over his head and yells out a cry, which the fans all join in on, eliciting a cheer from the audience as the music reaches its crescendo. He turns and steps back into the ring, waiting for his opponent's entrance.
Kyle Steel: This match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Houston, Texas and weighing in at 188 pounds, here is . . . TEO DEL SOL!
Zach Davis: Here comes a man who, even though John Rabid has been signed for the WCF Title match at War, has a viable claim to still being the number one contender to that championship.
Freddy Whoa: Or maybe he should have kept his nose clean and not had an outstanding warrant that screwed up his opportunity to win the most important prize in the game.
"Two Hands" by Ani DiFranco starts to play over the arena's sound system. Sidney J. Warwick enters. There is no pyro. There are no flashing lights. There is not even video playing on the big screen. Sidney walks down the aisle. His hair is disheveled, and he generally looks like a mess. In particular, his ring gear is dirty and tattered, as though he hasn't taken it off since the Revenge pay per view. When Sidney gets to the ring, he rolls in underneath the bottom rope and sits down in the corner, leaning with his back against the bottom turnbuckle and his arms resting on the ropes.
Zach Davis: For our semi-main event this evening, we've got a battle of two men who have not been doing particularly well for these last couple of weeks. Sidney Warwick is coming off of losing the Alpha Championship and couldn't even bring himself to compete last week, while Teo Del Sol was screwed out of his World Title match at Revenge and laid out once again by Everest just seven years ago.
Freddy Whoa: Of the two, you'd think that Teo would have the advantage, as he's been fueled to action by his disappointment, whereas SJW has been a barely functional shell of a wrestler.
Referee Stanley Moser calls for the bell, and . . . absolutely nothing happens. Though Teo Del Sol has assumed a fighting stance and is ready to go, Sidney J. Warwick continues to sit in the corner, not even bothering to look at his opponent. Teo seems confused at first but eventually begins gesturing at his opponent and yelling at him to get up.
Zach Davis: SJW is lucky that he drew Del Sol as an opponent here tonight, because most people would have charged at him and caved his face in with a big kick right now, but Del Sol is a little bit nicer than your average member of the WCF roster.
Stanley Moser has taken to yelling at Warwick as well, and, after a few seconds of that, he begins applying a count.
Freddy Whoa: This is a rarely enforced rule, but wrestlers are supposed to stay out of the corner, and the referee does have the discretion to disqualify them if they do not get out by a five count.
Sidney Warwick rolls out of the ring underneath the bottom and leans against the guardrail, which effectively breaks the referee's five count but causes him to start a twenty count as a result of the former Alpha Champion being on the arena floor.
Zach Davis: Well, he's not walking out on the match this week, so I guess it's an improvement.
Freddy Whoa: Though it's certainly not much of one if you actually like wrestling. I can practically hear channels being changed and DVRs being fast forwarded across the country.
Zach Davis: Earlier this week, we saw that Warwick has been going to therapy to try to get his head back in the game after his recent devastating loss to John Rabid, but his behavior so far has made it clear that he's not quite there.
Having grown tired of waiting, Teo Del Sol puts his lucha libre background into high gear and goes flying over the top rope with a no hands tope con hilo which causes him to come crashing down on Warwick, driving the ersatz social justice warrior neck and back first in to the guardrail.
Freddy Whoa: Oof! If that doesn't wake the Sidster up, I don't know what will!
Del Sol stays right on top of his opponent, rolling him back into the ring. Teo climbs up on to the apron and lays in wait there for a few moments, staying put until Warwick regains a vertical base.
Zach Davis: Slingshot missile dropkick by the former People's Champion!
SJW goes tumbling head over heels and winds up seated in the corner again, much like he was voluntarily when the match first began. No longer having the same reservations that he did when the bell first rang, Teo begins charging at him.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! BLAZING KNEE IN THE CORNER BY TEO DEL SOL!
Zach Davis: It's like SJW isn't even trying! Normally this earlier in the match, a wrestler of his caliber easily would have been able to move out of the way of a maneuver like that, but there wasn't even an attempt made by the Prince of Poughkeepsie.
Freddy Whoa: He's going to have to be careful here, because if he's not even defending himself, then that might wind up handing the match to Teo Del Sol via referee stoppage.
Zach Davis: But does he care at this point? It certainly doesn't seem that way based on his behavior ever since he dropped the Alpha Championship.
Teo Del Sol grabs Warwick by the back of his head and neck and pulls him out of the corner to the center of the ring. When Del Sol lets go, Sidney drops down to his hands and knees in the center of the canvas, somewhat unsteady but not going down. Teo waits for a few moments until his opponent is in an upright kneeling position.
Zach Davis: Rounhouse kick by Teo . . .
Freddy Whoa: But Warwick actually ducked underneath it! Is he actually going to start doing something here?
Zach Davis: I don't know about that. I'm not sure that the duck there was completely voluntary, because now Warwick has stopped and is just lying down.
That is, in fact, exactly what SJW is doing, with his face buried into the canvas and his hands and forearms over the back of his skull, covering up from what could theoretically be a fatal beating but still leaving himself plenty vulnerable in other ways. Del Sol is at first till confused by this behavior but eventually just shrugs, runs the ropes, and comes crashing down across his opponent's back with a big senton.
Freddy Whoa: I've seen some one-sided matches in my day, but this is starting to get ridiculous.
Del Sol scoops the opposition up off of the mat and signals to the crowd that he's looking for something big.
Zach Davis: Even Teo is playing to the audience now, almost like he's in there with a preliminary wrestler and not the man who we recently saw eliminate both John Rabid AND Ethan King from Ultimate Showdown.
Freddy Whoa: Del Sol lifts him up . . . MICHINOKU DRIVER NUMBER TWO!
As soon as the maneuver connects, Teddy Blaze points to the heavens in the universal professional wrestling sign for "I'm going to engage in some high flying." He steps out of the ring through the ropes and is on the apron looking to launch himself once more.
Zach Davis: Here comes the slingshot . . .
Teo Del Sol gets almost unbelievable height as he flies through the air, looking for the splash that he refers to as the Habanero High Dive, which has put away many an opponent.
Freddy Whoa: Wait a second! Sidney J. Warwick just rolled out of the way!
Zach Davis: Teo crashes and burns on the high dive attempt!
Freddy Whoa: Warwick is on his feet out of nowhere!
Zach Davis: La Magistral cradle by Sidney on Del Sol!
Kyle Steel: The winner of the match, via pinfall . . . SIDNEY J WARWICK!
Zach Davis: What the hell was that?!
Freddy Whoa: Did Sidney have a moment of clarity and snap out of whatever weird fugue state he's been in for these last couple of weeks, or did he intentionally sucker Teo Del Sol into that finish?!
Immediately upon letting Del Sol out of the pinning combination, Warwick rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope and sits on the floor with his back propped up against the guardrail, looking as though he is refusing to move any further. Eventually, three WCF referees appear and assist him to his feet, then walking him back to the locker room as Slam goes to a commercial.
Zach Davis: This situation with Sidney Warwick just seems to get stranger and stranger.
A Royal Debut
The screen goes black and a video of a land far, far away is shown. People living in small huts, carrying wicker baskets, many men and women getting water from a well and sharing it with their children. All of this is happening in front of a huge white castle. The famous film voice over guy begins to speak.
Voiceover: A man who dreams of the American Dream. A man who dreams to bring wealth and success back to his country. A man who was handed a kingdom but wants so much more for his people.
The screen continues to show people living in poverty and sick people living in a tent outside of the castle's wall.
Voiceover: He'll fight the good fight for them, and the even better fight for you.
The screen then shows the Royal Prince himself putting on his crown, and bedazzled robe and sitting upon his throne.
Voiceover: This Royal Prince has always believed in second chances, and in two weeks he'll be making his return to professional wrestling in America.
The live crowd begins to cheer as on the screen the camera pans up to the man who is sitting in the throne smiling. The crowd now sees who it is.
Voiceover: The Royal Prince himself, Hajeet debuts in Wrestling Championship Federation at WAR.
The screen goes black and then shows a logo for Hajeet's debut set for WAR. The screen pops back up to Hajeet staring into the camera.
Hajeet (on screen): At War time for you meet my knees.
Crowd fucking pops as the screen goes black.
Zach Davis: Wow! Hajeet is from..
Freddy Whoa: Yeah, yeah, we know what fed he was in before.
Zach Davis: I was going to say Tripura, but he is Royalty and he'll be making his debut in WCF at WAR!
Freddy Whoa: Sounds awesome to me! These people love him!
Zach Davis: Who doesn't love Hajeet!?
Mushroom Mangino vs Steven Singh/David Sanchez
Zach Davis: Big match here, we're ready for our main event!
Freddy Whoa: The still somewhat new team of Mushroom Mangino is up against the World Champion himself, Steven Singh, and David Sanchez, the Internet Champion.
Zach Davis: These men obviously aren't strangers to one another. You have to wonder exactly how well Singh and Sanchez will work together, and if they win, if they'd be interested in a Tag Team Titles shot!
The lights in the arena slowly fades away leaving the crowd in a coveted blanket of darkness. Silence surrounds the environment until the sound of a girl moaning becomes louder and louder. By the time her breaths and moans reach the loudest, the climax screams nearly shatters the eardrums of every audience member before a bunch of white fireworks explode from the stage. "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon officially begins with two spotlight shining over Jayson Price and Andre Holmes with the WCF Tag Team Championship belts hanging from their underwear over their massive dicks. They nod at each other then walk down the entrance path taking each step carefully so the tag title belts and their dicks do not lethally smack a nearby fan.
Reaching the apron facing the stage, they take their sweet time getting inside the ring. Both member of the tag team stand on opposite corners on the middle rope and all eyes divert to the titantron. Their dicks extend out but thanks to their flexible underwear, the dick camera attached to the head shows random members of the audience making out with each other as they continue to thrust their pelvis around. Once they are finished, they return back to their corner and keep space between each other. The law of dicks never touching must be obeyed.
Freddy Whoa: This team still makes me uncomfortable.
The gruff voice from the 80s sample announces "Cold getting dumb..." as the VeryBigTron flashes the word "EVEREST" in electric blue before being replaced by a gold-tinted montage of Stephen Singh brutalizing past opponents. The menacing beat of the Supervillain Theme by Mad Villain fills the arena, golden pyros form 5 ft high fountains across the stage, and "Superstar" Stephen Singh steps out with the WCF World Title strapped around his waist to an overwhelming chorus of boos.
Kyle Steel: And introducing at this time...The Excellence of Elocution....The Shakespeare of Shoot...The Sure Thing....
Stopping on the stage he smiles wry and smug, right arm raised in the air, back of his hand to the crowd, left hand behind his back. As the gold fountains shrink back into the stage, The Superstar lowers his hand, twirling his wrist and half-bowing his head with faux gratitude to his hissing "faithful Stephenites."
Kyle Steel: And YOUR WCF World Heavyweight Champion.....THE SUPERSTAR STEPHEN SINGH!
As it's announced, Singh looks down and strokes his title with pride and the boos rain down louder, the crowd now reminded that THIS is their champion. He smiles, heading down to the ring and jawing with the hateful, ignorant crowd. Singh climbs the stairs to the apron, wipes his feet, steps through the ropes and then bounces up, arms extended to his sides with his palms up soaking in the alternating adulation and animosity. He carefully unhooks the World Title from around his waist, folds its straps under the faceplate and kisses it before handing it to the referee with a look of stern warning.
Zach Davis: Normally the Champion enters last, but I’m being told that he demanded to enter first as no one comes before The World Champion.
Freddy Whoa: I think there’s a joke somewhere in there for Mushroom Mangino.
The arena falls into a tepid silence as the opening guitar riff to Royal Blood’s “Out of the Black” begins to trickle out of the PA system, starting quiet and building to a thunderous din as the words kick into action. The crowd are perplexed at first until the screen does the legwork in identifying who is coming to the ring by showing highlights from the career of David Sanchez’ various matches..
The song plays on as the audience erupts into a sea of distasteful chants and a rapture of hissing, gesturing and miscellaneous disapproving noises.
Freddy Whoa: And here is the Choke Arteest himself!
Zach Davis: Where is he?
David Sanchez isn't coming out.
Freddy Whoa: Where is he?
Everyone in the ring - Stephen Singh especially - is annoyed.
Zach Davis: Does Sanchez not want to team with Singh? Or does he want to stay healthy going into War, perhaps?
Kyle gets on the mic.
Kyle Steel: By order of Seth Lerch, this match is now….A HANDICAP MATCH!
The crowd pops, but Stephen Singh is instantly livid, shaking his head "no, no, no!" and muttering to himself. He yanks the mic away from Kyle.
Stephen Singh: Are you kidding me? A HANDICAP MATCH!? You want to put YOUR WCF World Heavyweight Champion... in a handicap match!?
The crowd cheers.
Stephen Singh: Is that what you guys want?
Another huge pop from the crowd.
Stephen Singh: Newsflash ignoramuses, IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Quite frankly, I shouldn’t be wrestling on Slam at the first place! And I should DEFINITELY not be sullying my brand by sharing the ring with the likes of these two.
He gestures towards the penis themed duo.
Stephen Singh: On that note and in the words of a soon-to-be never-was, good day to you all.
With that, Stephen Singh grabs his World Title and begins to leave the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Some main event that was.... Wow. How many times has he ruined our main event now? Every single one since he’s been champion?
Andre Holmes and Jayson Price pace around the ring, clearly unhappy they were forced to come out here for absolutely nothing. Singh gets halfway up the ramp before Master of Puppets begins playing.
Zach Davis: UH OH! Looks like Seth isn't too happy?
Freddy Whoa: Maybe he's here to team with Singh and warm up for his match against Torture at War.
Seth has a mic.
Seth Lerch: Stephen goddamn Singh, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Singh stares at Seth, almost in disbelief Seth actually expected him to compete.
Seth Lerch: You know what? I expected more from you. When you won Ultimate Showdown, I thought hey! Maybe here's a guy that'll actually step up and be the World Champion he's talked about being. Joey Flash couldn't do it, Jared Holmes couldn't do it, Jason O'Neal couldn't do it, Frank Patrick Venable couldn't do it - maybe, just maybe, Stephen Singh would be the one.
The Superstar misreads this situation, expecting Seth to say that he was right to believe in him.
Seth Lerch: And I couldn't have been more wrong!
Singh’s face drops into shock before being replaced by anger.
Seth Lerch: You've dodged responsibility and dodged every chance you've been given to make yourself look like a credible World Champion. I came here tonight expecting to see Jayson Price get beaten up, god damnit, and I wanted to see Jayson Price get beaten up! When a World Champion is faced with a handicap match against two jobbers, Singh-
Price has had enough.
Jayson Price: Hey, Seth!, I know you're busy with that former Hall of Famer nobody Torture, but I've had it up to here with you talking shit on me. How about-
Holmes wisely pulls Price back and gets him to shut up without getting involved.
Seth Lerch: ANYWAY, before I was interrupted, Singh, when a World Champion is up against two guys, he's supposed to squash them to make himself look dominant! That's what World Champions do! They don't just leave!
Singh has a mic appear out of nowhere so he can respond.
Stephen Singh: Oh no, did I disappoint you Seth? Say whatever you want, mark this one up as an L, it doesn’t matter. I still have this title. THE title. Records don’t mean anything anymore, Slams don’t mean anything anymore. All that matters is me keeping the title.
Seth Lerch:You’re right, you should only be concerned with that World Title. You don't want to wrestle tonight? Well, goddamnit, I want to see Jayson Price get beaten up, so you're defending the World Title against him next week!
The crowd pops! Singh points toward Price and yells defiantly at Seth, off-mic.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA!
Jayson Price raises his arm in the air, excited about being gifted a World Title shot out of nowhere!
Seth Lerch: Just kidding!
Jayson Price: That's it, Seth. you son of a bitch!
Jayson Price goes to leave the ring to run up to Seth and attack him, but an army of security jumps him and gets him handcuffed, leading him to the back. Andre Holmes follows behind him, shaking his head. Meanwhile Singh laughs and even gives Seth a playful pat on the shoulder, lipreaders spy a “good one, pal” being uttered.
Seth Lerch: Alright, now that the joking is out of the way, Singh, you ARE defending the World Title next week!
The crowd pops again and Singh begins to lose his cool, running his hands through his hair with a sneer at the WCF owner.
Seth Lerch: But it won't be against Jayson Price. No, it'll be against ....
Pause for drama.
Seth Lerch: A mystery opponent!
Singh is livid!
Stephen Singh: A mystery opponent!? How do you expect me to be a great World Champion in a work environment like this!? First my own partner doesn't come out and you expect me to wrestle by myself, and then you expect me to wrestle someone .. FOR THE WORLD TITLE.. without even letting me know who they are!?
Seth laughs to himself.
Seth Lerch: Don't worry, Stephen. If you lose next week, I promise I'll let you enter War to earn your rematch, buddy! See you then!
Master of Puppets plays as Seth makes his exit, leaving the incensed World Champion to seeth to himself.
Zach Davis: Looks like we've got a World Title match on our hands one week before War, where Singh WAS set to defend against Teo del Sol AND John Rabid! But he might not even be champion at that point!
Freddy Whoa: Even if Singh loses next week, he doesn't even get to go to War and get into the World Title match to make it a four way, from the sounds of Seth's announcement!
Zach Davis: And who is his opponent gonna be!? We'll find out next week! See you then at SLAM 400!
We fade to black.