the Tingley Coliseum in Albuquerque, New Mexico
An empty arena.
Seth Lerch in the middle of the ring. The camera focuses on him.
Seth Lerch: Welcome to Wrestling Championship Federation and Slam. We are not going to indulge anything that happened last week. We are going to put on a quality evening of wrestling for you over the next two hours. We are not going to risk any of our fans safety so pardon the security and the empty arena - it will NOT happen again.
We are going to do our best to entertain the fans...and by god I'm going to bring them back.
Slam, well, begins.
Jacob Black vs Jay West vs Johnny Alpha vs Agimat vs Daddy Schneider vs John Tolly vs El Payaso Loco vs Munchkin vs El Payaso Loco vs Bomber vs Dan Capello
Zach Davis: All ten competitors in the ring right now returning from commercial, it seems like Seth wanted to save on production values since the arena was empty. And just to clarify here folks, there are only ten! The promotional flier for this show included one man's name twice by mistake, damn multiple-lines-long list of names.
Freddy Whoa: I don't like this no entrance shit! We shoulda at least had some of the bigger names show off on the entrance ramp.
Zach Davis: For who, Freddy? Us? We've seen half these guys multiple times by now.
Freddy Whoa: But what about the new guys? They ain't never walked down that ramp before.
Zach Davis: Well, from what I've been told, we'll have an audience next week so it might be worth it for them, then.
As soon as the bell rings, the wrestlers all start charging at one another. West levels Bomber with clothesline. Agimat dropkicks Munchkin into the back of Jacob Black, who spins around and drops him with a forearm, only to get grappled from behind and thrown backwards into the corner by Daddy Schneider. Dan Capello goes right after El Pasayo Loco, locking up collar and elbow as Johnny Alpha puts John Tolly in a headlock.
Freddy Whoa: Utter chaos in the ring.
Zach Davis: This is why I keep telling Seth not to book so many clusterfucks.
Freddy Whoa: Why? This is good TV!
Zach Davis: Yeah, but does anybody really want to have to pay attention to the corner of their screen to see their favorite wrestler?
Freddy Whoa: Okay, is ANY of these guys actually your favorite wrestler?
Zach Davis: I see a lot of potential in some of these guys, Freddy.
Freddy Whoa: Like who?
Zach Davis: El Pasayo Loco.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Speaking of...
Capello manages to suplex El Pasayo Loco off the ropes really sloppily, and turns just right in the air to drop him on top of Bomber, gut to gut. Dan grabs Pasayo Loco and pulls him up, throwing him face-first over the top rope and out of the ring, to the floor below. Meanwhile, Daddy Schneider has Munchkin up against the ropes, trying to push him over the top. Jay West sprints forward and clotheslines both of them over the top rope, only to fall overtop with his own momentum, landing on the ring apron.
Freddy Whoa: That's three men gone, and almost four! Including your favorite Pasayo Loco.
Zach Davis: Its not just him who could make it a long way in this company, Freddy. West has potential. Johnny Alpha has potential. I like Dan Capello's athleticism too.
Seeing the opportunity, Dan Capello runs forward, connecting with the Every Other Weekend and dropping Jay West to the floor, eliminating him. He turns around and ducks a clothesline from Johnny Alpha as Tolly shoves him off of the headlock, allowing Capello to deliver a rough punch to Alpha's jaw on the turnaround. Agimat joins the fray and grabs John Tolly from behind, seeking to execute an inverted DDT. Tolly reverses it and kicks Agimat in the gut, binding off the res only to be met by a Superkick to the knee, followed by a rapid succession of boots to the chest and temple.
Zach Davis: Concussion City from Agimat!
Freddy Whoa: But he let his guard down! Here comes Jacob Black!
Black grabs Agimat from behind and whips him into the corner, following it up with a crossbody. He grabs Agimat and tries to flip him over the turnbuckle, but Agimat catches his head with his feet, and tries to drag Black over the top rope with a hurricanrana style move. Bomber is back on his feet, and grabs Johnny Alpha, as Dan Capello grabs John Tolly and drags him to the ropes, trying to send him face-first over the top. Johnny Alpha blocks a strike from Bomber and whips him toward the corner where Agimat and Jacob Black are feuding, knocking them Black to the ground in the process and leaving Agimat dangling by the top rope
Zach Davis: Another elimination, although I don't think Bomber exactly knew what he was doing.
Freddy Whoa: Anyway, that's Jacob Black gone, and we're down to our final five: Agimat, Dan Capello, Bomber, Johnny Alpha, and John Tolly.
Zach Davis: Make that four, Zach! Alpha just kneed Agimat in the back of the head and knocked him to the floor.
Bomber grabs Johnny Alpha and tries to set up a power slam, but the Atlanta native has it scouted, and manages to drop down from Bomber's shoulder before shoving him into the corner face-first. Capello takes notice, and lets go of Tolly to cross the ring as both men try to hoist him over the top. Tolly joins them, and together they get the six foot seven Bomber to the ring apron before Capello shoulder blocks him to the ground below.
Zach Davis: And then there were three!
John Tolly grabs Capello by the neck before he can get fully vertical after the shoulder charge, and drags him to the middle of the ring setting up for the Champaign Dream. Johnny Alpha clotheslines Tolly, who hangs on tight enough to drop Capello, though not with a strong move. The New Yorker stands as Alpha turns around, and both look to Tolly, grabbing him and throwing him over the top rope as a team before Dan Capello delivers an axe handle to the back of Alpha's head.
Freddy Whoa: Johnny Alpha and Dan Capello are the last two left, and Dan Capello is in firm control.
Zach Davis: This does not look good for Johnny Alpha, folks!
Capello tosses Johnny Alpha over the top rope, but the Georgian hangs on! Capello steps back and hits the Every Other Weekend spear, dropping Johnny Alpha to the floor.
Zach Davis: EOW! EOW!
Freddy Whoa: This match is over!
The NFL Theme starts to play over the speakers as Capello stands, getting his arm raised in victory by the referee.
Zach Davis: Any word on whether we're legally allowed to play this song or not?
Freddy Whoa: Who cares, Zach? It's a winner's music tonight!
The Risen vs Comet/El Enigmatico
The familiar cowbell intro of War's Low Rider enters the arena. As the drums come in, El Enigmático bursts through the curtain, sidestepping on the stage and down the ramp.
Kyle Steel: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from El Circo de Diamante Negro, weighing in at 157 lbs., El Enigmático!
In the ring, he dances along with the trumpet motif, slowly dropping down to the mat with each measure, before jumping back to his feet.
Freddy Whoa: The mysterious one makes his entrance first!
Zach Davis: Enigmático and Comet made a good first impression in their first match together last week. It remains to be seen if they can keep up their successes.
Kyle Steel: And his partner, accompanied by Maktak the Galactic Warrior, now residing within the Protector's Hall on Dikron, standing 7'1" and weighing in at 404 lbs., Comet!
An announcement soon echoes: “Fellows of the Galaxy, we come in peace!” Music follows, “War” by Grandson, The area suddenly flashes bright green with a video of lunar surface, colored purple, rotates with the names “Comet” and “Maktak” in fluorescent red. Lasers lights flash to the appearance of Comet carrying Maktak the Galactic Warlord over his left shoulder. Comet flashes two fist forward, then takes a starting pose, before darting to the ring – Comet makes whooshing rocket noises as they rush to the ring.
At the apron, he removes the carrying basket before taking a seat on the apron. Comet then hoists Maktak above his head, whom in turn flashes his necklace “the Grand Core”. Comet lets his master back onto stable ground. He then rolls under the ropes and takes center stage to several firework flares streaking across the arena. Comet then goes to a corner in preparation for the bout.
Zach Davis: Usually, Comet has people chanting “We are not worthy!” at him. It’s not the case this week…
Freddy Whoa: I heard he actually defecated Maktak out of his bowels?
Zach Davis: A truly horrifying thought.
Kyle Steel: And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Theresa McShane, at a combined weight of 463 lbs., Kyle Madden and RH Marius, The Risen!
"Self Destruct" by This Cold Life enters the arena and The Risen makes their way from the back, with Madden having his back to the ring and Marius walking out with a smirk on his face. They are soon joined by Theresa McShane, who looks on with a smile on her face and her arms folded. Madden turns to see the empty arena, then stands in front of Marius, who looks on in confusion at the lack of fans. Regardless, Madden drops to one knee and lowers his head, and Marius stands behind him with his head lowered. At the :16 mark of the song, they both throw their heads up and spread their arms apart, making gun gestures with their hands. Theresa stands behind them, making the same gun gestures pointed forward. Madden springs up to his feet and the trio then goes down the ramp. Madden and Marius soon enter the ring and hop onto separate turnbuckles, spreading their arms apart with the same gun gestures as before. The Risen hops down onto the ring and remove their vests, which are received by Theresa, before preparing for the match.
Freddy Whoa: The Risen had a strong showing in their debut last week, but they weren’t able to secure the WCF Tag Team Championship.
Zach Davis: Will this be the night that they get their careers off on the right foot?
Marius and Comet meet in the middle of the ring, sizing each other up. Comet slaps his chest and signifies he’s ready to go as Marius begins to circle around him. The two lock up and Comet shows off his size advantage early, shoving Marius down. Comet points up at the stars, signifying that space monsters are real. Marius uses the distraction to deliver a drop toe hold to Comet, slowly but surely sending the big man tumbling to the mat. Marius then uses an Oklahoma roll and gains a cover.
1… 2… Kickout.
Freddy Whoa: A bit of nimble athleticism from Marius; we certainly didn’t expect to see that from a 240 lb. man!
Marius goes on the attack, knowing that The Risen has to put this match away as fast as possible, or risk further wrath from Ziltoid the Omniscient should he be watching. Marius wrenches the arm of Comet and takes him to his corner, tagging in Madden, who ascends to the ropes and leaps off with an axe handle to Comet’s arm. Madden takes control and locks in a side headlock, attempting to ground Comet. The intergalactic warrior has other plans and he instead hoists Madden and drops him with a back suplex. Madden holds his back in pain as Comet covers.
1… 2… Kickout.
Zach Davis: This is where Comet is dangerous. He can feel the cosmos.
Comet pulls Madden up by the hair and drags him to his own corner, tagging in Enigmático, who springs off the ropes and stomps on Madden’s lower back. Madden cries out as Enigmático whips Madden off of the ropes and hits a spinning back elbow before covering.
1… 2… Kickout.
Freddy Whoa: Impressive offense from El Enigmático!
Zach Davis: This is where The Risen need to play it safe and try to ground the luchador!
Marius cheers on his partner from the apron as McShane pounds the apron, trying to get the crowd to support Madden. McShane stops and soon realizes that there isn’t even a crowd and snaps her fingers, disappointed. In the ring, Enigmático drops Madden with a big dropkick and covers.
1… 2… Kickout.
Freddy Whoa: Theresa McShane now being sorely reminded that we are indeed in a mostly empty arena.
Zach Davis: I heard it was because we booked Rob Schneider as a guest star.
Comet now tags back into the match and the two whip Madden off of the ropes, nailing a big back elbow. Comet then presses Enigmático over his head and goes to drop him into a senton on Madden, who gets his knees up. Enigmático falls to the mat, holding his back in pain, as Madden crawls towards his corner. However, Comet yanks him towards the center of the ring and tosses him up to his feet with a chokehold. When Madden does land on his feet, he quickly leaps up and hits an enzuigiri, staggering the big man. Madden crawls towards his corner once more, but Comet recovers and hooks Madden’s arms for a dragon suplex, then tosses him back to the center of the ring. Comet goes for a cover and Maktak nods in approval.
1… 2… Kickout.
Zach Davis: What a devastating dragon suplex!
Freddy Whoa: Madden is in dire straits here!
Comet then waits for Madden to rise to his feet and draws him in with jabs. The combination continues with a giggly dance…
Zach Davis: Teehee!
…but Madden ducks under the last jab and grabs Comet’s arm, drawing him into the Clip Unload. Enigmático is starting to recover as Madden goes towards his corner, where Marius awaits the hot tag. Enigmático tries to cut Madden off, who rolls through and leaps up, tagging in Marius. The theoretical crowd goes wild as Marius enters the ring and unleashes clotheslines on both Comet and Enigmático, knocking them down. Enigmático is launched with a big back body drop before Marius goes to whip Comet off of the ropes. Comet reverses the whip, but Marius returns with a leaping clothesline, knocking the big man down and covering him after.
1… 2… Comet presses Marius off of him with resounding effect!
Zach Davis: Almost taking out our referee! Watch out, Comet!
Marius hooks Comet in a front facelock and throws knee strikes to his temple. Marius then looks for the Stronghand, but Comet delivers a headbutt that staggers Marius, allowing Comet to deliver the Gravity Surge. McShane cringes at the move as Comet spots her and notes that she will soon become Comet’s meal. Comet then tags in Enigmático and hoists Marius up with a military press before dropping him to the canvas, allowing Enigmático to hit a diving splash. Enigmático rolls Marius over and hooks the leg.
Freddy Whoa: Nice teamwork!
Zach Davis: Will this be it?!
1… 2… Madden breaks up the pin!
Comet re-enters the ring and tosses Madden to the outside before following him. Comet brings Madden up with a bearhug and goes to drive him into the ring post. However, McShane stands in the way, stopping Comet in his tracks. Maktak does not take kindly to this and begins arguing with McShane about her interference. Madden manages to sneak free and hop onto the apron before delivering a big shoot kick to the side of Comet’s head. Meanwhile in the ring, Enigmático has successfully executed the Riddle Box on Marius, sending him into the corner. Enigmático pumps himself up before readying for the End Piece. However, Marius holds on with a back suplex hold and instead slams Enigmático down to the canvas. Enigmático crawls to the ropes, but finds himself in position for Madden to re-enter the ring and nail a tiger feint kick, sending Enigmático into a German suplex from Marius to complete the 6-1-NEIN!
Freddy Whoa: 6-1-NEIN CONNECTING! MYSTERIO COULD DO IT HERE!
Zach Davis: …who?
Madden and Marius soon back into opposite corners and clutch the ropes, awaiting Enigmático to get back to his feet. The two soon launch out of the corner and drill Enigmático with the New Gun. Madden leaps towards the ropes near Comet and hits a big dropkick on the big man as Marius covers Enigmático.
1… 2… 3!
Kyle Steel: Here are your winners, The Risen!
Freddy Whoa: The Risen pick up their first win in WCF!
Zach Davis: One team down, and many more to go on their road to the WCF Tag Team Championship!
Marius rolls to the outside and is joined by Madden and McShane. The victorious trio soon raise each other’s arms as they head up the ramp, wishing they could soak in the crowd’s support but knowing that it’s impossible to in an empty arena. Outside of the ring, Comet and Maktak begin their trek to the back, joined by Enigmático.
The auduence's attention is momentarily distracted, as standng on the entrance ramp, title belt over his shoulder is one half of the WCF Tag Team Champions!
Zach Davis: What's he doing here?
Teo removes the smiling harlequin's mask and motions for a microphone.
Teo Del Sol: what a match! Don't worry, I won't keep you for long.
The crowd seems to regard the champion with curiosity and he soaks it up for a moment before continuing.
Teo Del Sol: Last week, in their very first match, The Risen was thrown in the fire with a shot at the tag team championship!
And even though your hands weren't raised, your shoulders weren't pinned.
The crowd cheers, recognizing the Risen's efforts.
Teo Del Sol: And me? I'm not a man who likes question marks. I know! That these people do not like question marks!
The crowd pops, seeing where Teo is going.
Teo Del Sol: that's why I came out here. I want to offer the Risen one more chance at these Tag Team championships!
The crowd roars its approval as Teo nods his head affirmatively.
Teo Del Sol: no more question marks boys. You know where to find us.
Teo turns back to the locker room, tossing the microphone to a stagehand, the camera hangs on the Risen before cutting to commercial. The audience realizes they were just imagining the crowd that should have been there.
Gemu/Leon Hayze vs Luke Force/Adam Young vs Hajeet/Petrov
Hades The Bloody Rage by Yousei Teikoku begins to play. As the intro finishes at the 0:32 mark, a large cloud of smoke comes up from the stage. As it begins to clear, Gemu runs through the smoke and continues this stride to the ring, not stopping for anything. He slides belly first into the ring, gets to his feet and runs the ropes as Kyle Steel announces his arrival to the ring.
Kyle Steel: From Sapporo, Japan! Weighing in at 202 pounds, GEMU!!!
As Gemu's name is uttered, he breaks into a cartwheel routine that ends with a backflip in the middle of the ring.
When Purple Haze starts playing over the PA, the lights dim dramatically low—nearly to total darkness—as smoke slowly starts building up on the stage and near ringside, and the ‘tron comes to life with Leon’s video package. At 34 seconds, when Jimmi starts in with his lyrics, an explosion happens at the pyro and as soon as Leon “Purple” Hayze first is revealed from the smoke, two single pillars of purple fire shoot to either side of him as he spins around twice with his arms outstretched. He lurches back and forth from side to side, as if stoned, slapping hands with the fans down the aisle. When he hits the ring, he hops up onto the apron in a smooth motion, springs up to the top rope, and jumps into the ring. As he lands to his feet, he runs over and hits the second rope on a turnbuckle that faces the ramp, waiting for his opponents with a big grin on his face.
The lights in the arena go out, a mock 7-11 logo that says “kickin ass 24-7” appears on the jumbo screen. A singular green tinted spotlight shines to Luke “The Irresistible” Force standing on the entrance ramp as smoke surrounds him. “Irresistible Force” by The Too Skinnee J’s begins to play. As the beat kicks into high gear, pyro explodes as Luke busts through the smoke and down the ramp. The spotlight follows Luke to ringside where Luke pauses and surveys the scene. He hops to the apron, with his back to the ropes and facing the non existent crowd, Luke raises his arms in concert with the pyro. Luke enters the ring with the arena stilled blacked out except for the spotlight on Luke. He climbs to the second rope and raises his arms again and the house lights flash on as the ring pyro explodes. As Luke stretches his massive arms out and extends his chest as if he were going to beat on it, we see him in on his glory against the house lights. The house lights go out, and Luke heads to the middle of the ring still in the spotlight.
Voice: Who's ready to get sick?
"Come Together" by Gary Clark Jr. starts playing as the lights fade down to just one single white light at the entrance and smoke filtering threw it. Out steps Adam Young.
Adam smiles as the music kicks in and several white lights start flying around the arena. A single spot light is right on every move of Adam as he heads towards the ring with Reggie right behind him with Adam's pet Anatolian goat, Pepe.
Adam stops and pets Pepe just before kissing him on the top of his head right between his horns. Pepe is wearing a "1 Sick Bastard" plackard. Adam circles the ring twice and then climbs up on the apron where he wipes his feet before stepping inside the squared circle. Adam walks to the middle of the ring.
Doobak Mota's Hukert Man Breathe Lonfer hits speakers. Hajeet's whole damn entrance has to do with the crowd so he just walks to the ring.
Petrov's voice can be heard over the PA saying in a calm but intimidating voice "Total. Fucking. Badass." as Blind by Korn starts to play. Petrov emerges from the curtain and leans back and let's out a deep voiced shout and walks to the ring with a serious look on his face. He runs up the steps and climbs between the ropes as he paces about while shadowboxing and waiting for the match to begin.
Zach Davis: There's the bell, clusterfuck time, here we go!
Before the match can begin, a man hops onto the ropes and whispers something to Kyle Steel. A moment later, two police officers hit the ring and tackle down Gemu.
Freddy Whoa: What is this!?
One of them gets him in handcuffs.
Kyle Steel: Fans, I regret to announce you that Gemu, otherwise known as James Chevalier, has been arrested for assaulting a federal agent.
The police lead Gemu out of the ring after a brief scuffle, leaving Leon alone.
Kyle Steel: As a result, this will now be a two versus two versus one match!
The fans boo.
Zach Davis: This doesn't bode well for the Alpha Champion!
Freddy Whoa: Who cares - what about Gemu? What the hell is going on with him?
Leon Hayze immediately runs at Hajeet and Petrov and hits a Double Dropkick, sending them both flying over the top. They hit hard on the outside and then he runs to the ropes, comes back, jumps and Springboards and hits a Shooting Star Press onto them!
Zach Davis: Holy shit!
This leaves Luke Force and Adam Young in the ring. They look at each other and nod before running to the ropes... And then not doing anything high risk. Adam Young rolls out and grabs Hayze and rolls him in the ring for Force to pin after the high risk move.
No!, Leon kicks out.
Freddy Whoa: Luke Force is ineligible to win the Alpha Title back but it would probably feel good to pin the current Champion!
Force picks Leon up and shoves him to the ropes. He sends him running and then executes a Dropkick. Force goes for a pin.
Zach Davis: Hajeet and Petrov have begun playing a game of cards outside instead of wrestling.
Freddy Whoa: Leaving Leon Hayze totally isolated.
Luke Force picks him up again and knees him in the head several times before taking him down with a Russian Legsweep. He then lifts him up and goes for a Vertical Suplex but Hayze shifts his weight and lands behind Force. He grapples him but Force switches behind him, spins him around and is able to hit a Cutter!
Zach Davis: Beautifully executed!
Freddy Whoa: Another pin attempt.
No!, another kickout from Hayze.
Force tags in Adam Young. The former multi time Champion comes in and stomps away at the Alpha Champion. Adam Young lifts him up and throws him to the ropes before executing a Blue Thunder Bomb.
Zach Davis: ANOTHER pin!
Freddy Whoa: And another kickout!
Zach Davis: He's not the Alpha Champion for no reason!
Adam Young lifts him up but Hayze starts fighting back, he hits a series of strikes.Young goes to kick him but Hayze hits a Dragonscrew Legwhip. He then hits the ropes and hits Adam Young with a Hurricanrana!
Freddy Whoa: The Alpha Champion is alive!
He climbs up and hits a Second Rope Moonsault!
Zach Davis: Pin!
NO!, Adam Young kicks out!
Freddy Whoa: He's a veteran of our sport, Zach. Alpha Champion or not, Leon Hayze is gonna have to do more than that to put him away.
Hayze lifts Young up and puts him in the Tree of Woe in a neutral corner. He runs ...
Zach Davis: SHATTER O.G.!
No!, Young lifts his upper body up and Hayze crashes into the turnbuckle. Young quickly "spider suplex"es himself up and then dives off with an Elbow Drop.
Freddy Whoa: Into yet another pin. Beautiful elbow drop.
Zach Davis: Adam Young tags in Luke Force!
Force comes in and waits for Hayze to get up...
Freddy Whoa: SUPERKICK! FOOT OF FORCE!
Zach Davis: Hayze ducks it!
He sends Force flying over the top, but he lands on the apron. Luke Force Springboards into the ring and hits Hayze with a knee to the head.
Freddy Whoa: Luke Force back in the driver's seat..
He pulls Hayze in and hits an RKO.
Zach Davis: FU!
Hayze shoves him off and he flies out of the ring. Adam Young enters the ring and Hayze hits a Flying Head Scissors, sending him out. Just then Hajeet decides to get back into the ring and Hayze hits him with a Flying Headscissors too before climbing up and flying.
Freddy Whoa: HAYZED AND CONFUSED!
The Alpha Champion lands on top of Hajeet.
The bell sounds.
Zach Davis: Well this was.. Some kind of match!
Freddy Whoa: Leon Hayze wins it despite the lack of partner thanks to arrest!
Teo Del Sol/Kyle Kemp Segment
As Slam cuts back from commercial, the viewers are greeted with the sight of a WCF locker room, where the tag team champions are Iocked in a verbal sparring match.
Kyle Kemp: for the last time, the answer is no!
Teo Del Sol: Im not asking you to let me cheat for you, I just want to watch your back!
Kyle Kemp: I don't need anybody in my corner, I'm better than that!
Teo Del Sol: you know Sidney can't be trusted!
Kyle Kemp: Trust? You want to talk about trust? What was that earlier? You didn't tell me you were scheduling defenses!
Teo Del Sol: Maybe if you checked your messages once in awhile!
Kyle Kemp: I can't believe you!
Teo puts his hand on Kyle's shoulder, Kemp seems to consider swattin it away, but waits.
Teo Del Sol: you heard that crowd earlier. The Risen have proven they can hang and the crowd wants to see it. Picture it, Kyle. A stadium full of people, all chanting your name as you hold that belt above your head..."Kyle Kemp..Kyle Kemp! Kyle Kemp!!"
Kyle seems to consider the notion earnestly, looking up as if lost in thought, but he snaps back.
Kyle Kemp: if you're going to challenge another team, you make sure I know about it.
Teo Del Sol: you'll thank me later.
Kyle Kemp: don't push your luck. I'll let that go, but stay out of my corner tonight. I'm better than Warwick and I don't need your help to show it.
Kemp walks away while Teo looks on with a dejected stare as Slam resumes.
Zach Davis: Hmm...I’m told we’ve got a development in the back. Let’s check it out.
We cut backstage to a closeup of a nameplate on a door. “SETH LERCH” it reads, and as the camera zooms out slowly, a smooth stream of greyish-blue smoke rises in front of it. The camera continues to zoom out as a taped fist raps on the door, and a gruff voice precedes the sight of its gruff looking owner.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa! Is that…
Tom Frost: Seth! Come on, open up!
Zach Davis: That’s old Tom Frost! For those saying, “Who?”, from January to February he seemed well on his way to being in the running for the 2017 Rookie of the Year until he dropped off the face of the earth.
He continues to pound on the door, a cigarette dangling from his mouth.
Tom Frost: Come on Seth, I know you’re in there! Hey!
He bangs a few more times only to be greeted by silence. He takes a deep drag from his cigarette, flicks it away, then reaches over and grabs a dingy trumpet from a table nearby. He puts the horn to his lips and begins to blow.
Freddy Whoa: He’s belting out the melody of Chuck Mangione’s “Feel So Good”! If that doesn’t get Seth out of his office I don’t know what will!
Sure enough, after only a few bars, Seth’s door swings open, and the owner of the WCF glares at Frost.
Seth Lerch: You….what are you…goddamnit, I’ve got a show to run! Now if you’d kindly -
Tom Frost: I want a match.
Seth Lerch: Right, next week.
Seth begins to slam the door but Frost stops it with his foot.
Tom Frost: Tonight. I want a match tonight.
Seth Lerch: Hit the bar next door if you want a fight. I don’t have any extra bodies to spare.
Just then a man in a bright green skeleton mask with big yellow teeth strolls by. He wears a purple top hat atop the mask, a purple robe with neon green fur, and neon green tights with light blue cheetah prints. Few recognize him, but Seth seems to, and he calls out.
Seth Lerch: Mr. Bojangles, right?
The man known simply as Bojangles turns and mumbles unintelligibly beneath his mask. Seth hesitates for a moment before pointing at Bojangles.
Seth Lerch: You’re up.
He turns to Frost, who wears a grin as he lights up another cigarette.
Seth Lerch: Now get that fucking horn out of here. And next time you want a match use the proper channels!
Frost: Sure thing, Bossman.
Seth slams the door as Frost exits the frame, and we cut back to ringside.
Zach Davis: Well, you heard him. It looks like next up it’ll be Bojangles squaring off against Tom Frost.
Freddy Whoa: We haven’t seen Frost since February, and we haven’t seen Bojangles since...have we ever seen Bojangles?
Just then “Bojangles Remix” by Pitbull hits over the PA, and Bojangles begins making his way down the ramp. Kyle Steel rushes back to the ring behind him, having been on a piss break, and thus misses the introduction. The two enter the ring and someone throws Steel a mic as Bojangles’ theme dies.
The lights dim as "Green Onions" hits over the PA. A spotlight shines on the stage, and old Tom Frost parts the curtain. He dons a well-worn suit and a loose tie beneath an old trilby hat. A lit cigarette dangles from his mouth, and he wears a mean, no-nonsense look on his face as he scans the empty arena. He turns toward the ring, takes a deep drag from his cigarette, and exhales a cloud of smoke. He starts down the ramp, snapping his fingers and bobbing his head as he glares forward.
Kyle Steel: Making his way to the ring...weighing in at 221 lbs...TOOOM FRRRRRROOST!!!
He climbs the stairs and enters the ring through the middle rope. He takes one last drag from the cigarette before flicking it into the empty seats. He removes his hat, coat, tie, and shirt and hands them to an official at ringside. The music begins to fade as he finds his corner.
DING - DING - DING
Zach Davis: And we’re underway!
Bojangles charges Frost, who ducks a clothesline and slams his taped fist into Bojangles’ ribcage. He clubs him some more, backing Bojangles into the corner. A stiff forearm to the face sends Bojangles reeling, and blood spills from beneath his mask as he stumbles toward the center of the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Holy smokes - Frost showing no ring-rust as he pummels Bojangles. This one could be over before we know it!
Frost slams another heavy fist into Bojangles' ribcage before stomping down hard on his toe.
Zach Davis: FROSTBITE! Oof that’s gotta hurt!
Bojangles keels over in pain, and Frost’s eyes see red before he shoots his knee up into Bojangles’ face. He falls to the mat and Frost covers.
Zach Davis: FACE THE MUSIC! ONE - TWO - THREE! And that’s all she wrote!
Frost finds his feet and calls for a mic. He’s thrown one, and he looks toward the stage as he speaks.
Tom Frost: I’m damn hungry, and it’s gonna take a heartier meal than that to keep me fed, Bossman. So allow me to take your advice and use the proper channels this time: I want a match next week. I don’t care if it’s against Grime or Bobby fucking Cairo. I’ll be there and I’ll be ready. It’s been too long since I stepped foot in this ring, and I’ve got some making up to do. Tonight was just a taste of what’s to come. But the cat’s out of the bag. The train’s left the station...and let this be a warning to anyone on the roster walking the tracks with your backs turned.
“Green Onions” hits again as Frost tosses the mic back to an official and climbs out of the ring. He grabs his belongings and lights up another cigarette as he makes his way up the ramp. He soon disappears behind the curtain, leaving only a cloud of smoke in his wake.
Teo del Sol/Mikey eXtreme vs Andre Holmes/Jayson Price
Special Guest Referee: Ethan King
The lights drop, enveloping the arena in darkness as they turn towards the entrance ramp. "The Pretender" by Foo Fighters echoing throughout the arena.
With a crescendo and a burst of flame, Teo del Sol springs onto the entrance ramp, the red and white scarred mask covering his face.
Zach Davis: I have to say... it's really, really odd having a completely empty arena. Especially for an entrance that's usually as exciting as Teo Del Sol's.
Freddy Whoa: Poor guy. First match back as a champion, and THIS is what we're given.
Zach Davis: We can only blame Jared Holmes for causing this - hopefully he'll be brought to justice for his actions.
Freddy Whoa: No doubt Teo must be thinking the same thing; Jared and he have waged many exciting wars, each one as entertaining as the last. But tonight, he has a different challenge, one he faced just last week in Mushroom Mandingo.
Zach Davis: From having Kyle Kemp as a tag team partner, and now his co-champion... to Mikey eXtreme. He must be ecstatic.
Teo makes his traditional lap around the ring, but with no fans to engage with, he shrugs and rolls into the ring. Not wanting to break his usual routine, he lets out a cry of passion in the middle of the ring, before taking off his mask to reveal a solemn expression - likely due to the events that occurred just last week to the innocent fans who were presumably abducted.
He leans into the turnbuckle corner, a look of determination and fire set within his two eyes.
The lights begin to slowly go off, section by section, until the arena is completely black. "Get Born Again" by Alice in Chains blares over the PA system as the lights on the stage begin to slowly flash on and off. Mikey eXtreme steps out onto the stage with his arms held out and his head titled back as he looks to the ceiling. Vidalia and Freakshow flank him as they make their way ringside.
Freddy Whoa: Unlike Teo, Mikey at least has a bit of company.
Zach Davis: Also unlike Teo, Mikey currently doesn't have a championship around his waist. Knowing The King of Darkness, you can be sure that this is something he'll be looking to change as quick as he possibly can.
Freddy Whoa: Honestly, with his level of talent? That'll probably happen very, very shortly.
Kyle Steel: Making his way down to the ring being accompanied by Vidalia and Freakshow, hailing from Brooklyn, New York and weighing in at 225 lbs, Mikey eXtreme!
Mikey ignores the non-existent fans that would be trying to reach out to touch him... if they were there. He rolls under the bottom rope, crawling to the corner where he sits laughing and rocking back and forth. Freakshow circles the ring, staring toward Teo with an intimidating look, as Vidalia whispers some kind of plan into Mikey's ear.
The lights in the arena slowly fades away leaving the arena in a coveted blanket of darkness. Silence surrounds the environment until the sound of a girl moaning becomes louder and louder. By the time her breaths and moans reach the loudest, the climax screams nearly shatters the eardrums of every would-be audience member before a bunch of white fireworks explode from the stage. "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon officially begins with two spotlight shining over Jayson Price and Andre Holmes with their huge, godly, immortal dicks nearly bursting through their damn underwear.
Zach Davis: This is... odd.
Freddy Whoa: What is?
Zach Davis: Usually, their tag team titles would cover up their...
Freddy Whoa: Oh! Yes, yes. I see them now. Jesus fucking Christ. What are they getting fed?
Zach Davis: I don't think nutrition alters penis size, Freddy.
Freddy Whoa: Sure it does.
Zach Davis: At any rate, this does signify the first entrance of Mushroom Mandingo WITHOUT the tag team titles since their establishment after Ultimate Showdown. While I'm sure they're disappointed, there's no doubt that with their talent combined, they'll always be in the hunt for those championships should they so desire them.
Reaching the apron facing the stage, they take their sweet time getting inside the ring. Both member of the tag team stand on opposite corners on the middle rope and all eyes divert to the titantron. Their dicks extend out but thanks to their flexible underwear, the dick camera attached to the head shows random members of the audience making out with each other as they continue to thrust their pelvis around. Once they are finished, they return back to their corner and keep space between each other. The loaw of dicks never touching must be obeyed.
Zach Davis: ...hey, that footage on the titantron can't be footage they're using of our current audience... we don't even HAVE an audience right now.
Freddy Whoa: What? This is a repeat? Aww man. This was one of my favorite parts of the show!
Zach Davis: I'd assume the actual wrestling would be your favorite part, right?
Freddy Whoa: Keep telling yourself that, Freddy.
Not bothering with a fancy entrance due to the lack of a crowd, Ethan King calmly walks out from the back with his entrance music playing in the background. His Hardcore Championship is not with him, however, he is wearing the classic referee striped shirt, which he dons with a hint of reluctance as he walks down to the ring. He nods towards each of the men in the ring, who all return the notion in kind except for Mikey eXtreme, before setting himself up in the center of the ring.
Now that all participants of the match are in the ring, they must now elect a member of each team to participate in the match. Within moments, Andre can be seen preparing a small warm-up routine, while Jayson Price stands on the apron. Meanwhile, Mikey seems content to simply ignore Teo, whilst standing on the apron, forcing his partner to start the match for them.
Ethan King glances towards both corners, asking both Teo and Andre if they are ready to begin the bout. They nod immediately, prompting Ethan to begin the match. The bell sounds three times, and as it does, both competitors rush towards the middle of the ring, and Andre Holmes comes flying out of the gate… with a flying knee!
Zach Davis: Jesus! Teo just hardly avoided that. That could’ve been an end to the match right there.
Teo cautiously backs away, as Andre smiles and holds his arms out, begging him to come forward. They both approach one another once more, and Andre once again throws a vicious strike – this time a spinning back fist, which Teo ducks under before returning a side kick which catches Andre in the ribs.
He then follows up with a couple of heavy punches to the jaw, which rocks Andre back towards the ropes. As he leans on them, Teo steps forward and whips Andre into the opposite ropes, who rebounds and comes back with a flying forearm!
Freddy Whoa: Andre showing off his explosive offense right out of the gate.
Andre doesn’t bother going for a cover, quickly picking up Teo and pushing him into the turnbuckle corner. He then begins to unload with a set of punches, elbows, and kicks, pushing Teo further and further back into the corner as he pounds him relentlessly. Jayson Price nods in approval as Andre continues his assault, whilst Mikey eXtreme appears frustrated at his partners inability to escape the ropes.
Zach Davis: Referee Ethan King stepping in now, initiating a five count to separate the two men.
Ethan King: You got to let him out, Andre.
Andre spins his head back around to face Ethan, and ignores him, continuing to wail on Teo. Ethan sighs and begins a count.
Ethan King: One. Two. Three. Fou-
Holmes backs away, holding his arms up as if to show that he’s innocent. Ethan nods in appreciation, before backing away from the corner. Andre turns to face Teo once more… but catches a dropkick for his troubles! He stumbles back, surprised by Teo’s speedy recovery. The former Luchador rushes forward, catching his opponent with a running crossbody.
Zach Davis: Teo fighting back nicely here, and now with the early cover! Ethan sliding in to make the count.
Early kickout by Andre, who pops back up to his feet. He throws a lariat at Teo, who ducks underneath and hits the former tag team champion with a stiff elbow to the jaw, Holmes responds in kind with a hard shot of his own. The two go back and forth for a moment, before Holmes ducks underneath a strike, spins around Teo and then snaps him back viciously with a German Suplex! He bridges for the cover.
TW-NO! Another quick kickout, this time by Teo. However, he is a little slower recovering from the blow, allowing Andre to throw him into his own corner and make the tag with Jayson Price. Holmes connects with a basic suplex which drops Teo to the mat, Jayson then rushes to the ropes and returns to the prone being of Teo, who he nails with an elbow drop across the throat. He adjusts his elbow pad after doing so, whilst Andre nails a Standing Moonsault directly on Teo! He rolls out of the ring as Price hooks the leg for the cover.
Freddy Whoa: Teo with the kick-out once more. And that’s not a corner you want to be in.
Zach Davis: No doubt. Although they just lost their belts, these two were rather dominant in the tag scene since being paired together after the Ultimate Showdown match. It’s tough enough to defeat two guys who have cleaned house numerous times in the Singles division. Put them together in a tag team? You’re just asking for trouble.
Freddy Whoa: However, Teo DID manage to get the tag team titles off their waists, along with an assist from Kyle Kemp. Anything is possible, just as he says.
Price allows Teo to stagger up to his feet, before dropping him back down to the mat with a Scoop Slam. He then swiftly paces backward, and then approaches the downed Teo and leaps up, attempting a Jumping Knee Drop… which is avoided as his opponent rolls out from underneath him!
Zach Davis: Smart move by Teo, who is quickly back on his feet!
Teo kicks Jayson’s knee, forcing him to drop down slightly, allowing Teo to wrap his arm straight over his head and plant him head first into the mat with a Snap DDT! Rather than go for a cover, he glances over to his corner, where Mikey eXtreme is waiting with a look of annoyance over his face.
Freddy Whoa: Not exactly the most encouraging sight…
Zach Davis: You can say that again.
Teo shakes his head, ignoring who his partner is for the moment and beginning the lengthy crawl across the ring to get to him. The damage over the course of the match has accumulated, and its making it difficult for him to get there speedily. Just as he begins to reach out towards his unlikely partner, he is stopped dead in his tracks by Price, whose thick skull helped him recover from the damage rather quickly!
Being the much bigger man, he raises Teo to his feet and spins him around, he nails him with a European Uppercut, once, twice, three times, before whipping him straight into the neutral corner. He then charges him, connecting directly in the face with a wild Yakuza Kick!
Zach Davis: That’s an ugly impact. Plain and simple.
Freddy Whoa: Teo’s eyes have rolled to the back of his head!
Indeed they have, and he drops down to the canvas immediately, with little sign of movement. Price smirks, rolls him over, and goes for the pinfall. Mikey seems to be making no move to break it up, Ethan slides in to make the count.
THR-NO! Once again, Teo valiantly powers out, showing a sign of life. Ever the veteran, Price doesn’t seem too frustrated about the near fall, simply pulling Teo up by his head once more to his feet, and dragging him over to his team’s corner…
Zach Davis: From out of nowhere, roll up by Teo!
Freddy Whoa: Price kicks out! He nearly got caught by that one!
As he pops back up to his feet, he is caught with a roundhouse kick from Teo, which sends him falling to his knees. He then staggers over toward his own corner, offering the tag to Mikey… who reluctantly takes it.
Zach Davis: If there was a crowd here… they’d probably be cheering at the sight of seeing Ethan King and Mikey eXtreme being in a ring together once more. These two have had quite the rivalry over the last year.
Freddy Whoa: And there hasn’t been a proper ending! Neither man has ever pinned the other, even though they’ve tried as best they could on numerous occasions.
Mikey enters the ring and scowls at Ethan, yelling something at him that isn’t quite picked up by the cameras… even though there’s no crowd. Not messing around a bit, Mikey immediately rushes towards Price…
Zach Davis: eXtinguished right off the bat! We don’t usually see that one so quickly, but Mikey is seeming more motivated than usual!
Freddy Whoa: Think it’s got something to do with the guy officiating the match?
Quite the veteran himself, eXtreme pulls Price’s body away from the ropes, pulling him to the center of the ring. He drops down over him for the cover, digging his arm into his face whilst looking up at Ethan, yelling at him to count the cover. Ethan happily obliges, beginning the count.
Not quite, Price with a kick-out. It’s going to take a lot more than that.
Zach Davis: Andre isn’t seeming too concerned with his partner’s predicament at the moment.
Freddy Whoa: And why would he be? He’s teamed with a man who has accomplished more than almost ANYONE in the entire company. He’ll find a way out of this one.
Mikey however, seems to have other plans. Not relenting after the failed pin attempt, he stays down and starts hammering away at the forehead of Price with a barrage of heavy-handed fists. They bounce repeatedly off of his skull, until a gash begins to appear just atop of the eyebrow. It bleeds profusely, thick red liquid beginning to pour down the side of Price’s face.
Zach Davis: You sure he’ll be able to get out of this one?
Freddy Whoa: Quite.
The King of Darkness stops his assault momentarily, bringing himself up to his feet as he points a finger towards Ethan, and then gestures down to Jayson, who is currently checking his wound in a daze. He doesn’t seem interested in stopping there, however, as he licks the blood of his opponent straight off of his hand.
All battle-hardened warriors in the ring, not one man seems repulsed by his actions, not even the youthful Ethan King, who simply shrugs his shoulders.
Zach Davis: …we’re literally working in a company full of psychos.
Freddy Whoa: You can say that.
Taking his time, Mikey jogs to the ring ropes, rebounds off of them, and returns to Price with a leg drop which he hangs across his opponent’s chest. Slightly winded by the move, Price sits up, attempting to catch his breath, allowing Mikey to repeat the action once more – except this time he comes back with a dropkick that catches the multiple time World Champ directly in the jaw.
Once again showing why he himself has been a decorated champion, Mikey eXtreme transitions smoothly into a cover.
Zach Davis: Kickout by The South Street Nightmare… who is starting to look as such with that crimson mask now covering his beautiful features!
Freddy Whoa: Pause.
Zach Davis: What? I can’t acknowledge the attractiveness of another man? I’m just comfortable with my sexuality, you should stop complaining and appreciate what Mushroom Mandingo has brought the table.
Freddy Whoa: I’m well aware of what they’ve “brought to the table”, Zach.
Zach Davis: All 25 inches combined?
Freddy Whoa: All 25.
Whilst our beloved commentators have been going back and forth, Mikey has ascended to the top rope, and is now looking down on Price with a look of disgust over his face. He braces himself momentarily, before diving off of the top rope with a Frog Splash!
THUD! He crashes hard into the ring, as Price managed to get himself out of the way, similar to how Teo avoided his knee drop earlier! Still a bit dazed and confused, he manages to find his way to his feet, which he does at around the same time to Mikey… who angrily throws a Superkick his way!
Zach Davis: Ducked by Price!
Freddy Whoa: And he fires back with the Price Check!
Zach Davis: It lands! But Mikey isn’t going down.
Jayson Price looks over at Andre, and they exchange a shrug, before Price nails him with the Price Check again. This time, The King of Darkness falls. Ethan is already in position to count the cover as Price hooks both legs.
Kick-out by Mikey, who pops the shoulder up with authority.
Zach Davis: Even Ethan can’t help but nod in appreciation of the tenacity shown by eXtreme here.
Freddy Whoa: Those kicks packed a punch, kicking out of that isn’t easy.
Zach Davis: Kicks… packing a punch…
Freddy Whoa: I stand by what I said.
Zach Davis: Price is now tagging back in Holmes.
The Thirteen Inch Man scales to the top rope energetically. He balances himself on the perch, before leaping off an executing a Shooting Star Press directly onto the downed body of Mikey eXtreme, who gasps as he is hit with the exciting move! Andre hooks the leg himself, hoping to put down the former Omega Champion himself.
Kick-Out by eXtreme! He still has fight in him. Holmes seems impressed, and even a little flustered by the kick-out, which seemed to have some power behind it. He purses his lips together, before bringing both himself and Mikey up to a vertical base. He then looks around the ring… before setting his opponent up in powerbomb position.
Teo watches on in vain, but his nature prevents him from interfering just yet. Andre sets eXtreme up atop his head, and then rushes towards the neutral turnbuckle corner…
Zach Davis: BAD LANDING! The back of eXtreme’s neck and head bounce off dangerously against the turnbuckle.
Freddy Whoa: That’s got to be it. Mikey has taken several deadly moves in the span of less than a couple of minutes, even he might not be able to escape taking the fall here.
Mikey seems completely out of it as he drops down to the mat, limbs spread out at awkward angles. Holmes drags him into the middle of the ring, glancing at Ethan to make certain he is counting the cover at a proper pace as he hooks the leg.
Zach Davis: BLAZING KNEE FROM TEO DEL SOL TO BREAK UP THE COVER!
Freddy Whoa: He caught Holmes flush!
Ethan beckons for Teo to leave the ring after breaking up the cover, but it’s already too late, as Jayson Price has now entered the ring and is flinging fists left and right towards Teo, who is doing his best to avoid taking damage. The fight spills out to ringside as Price knocks Teo through the ropes, who soundly recovers and tackles Price into the ring apron as he rolls out to continue the engagement!
Mikey and Andre, still both the legal men in the match-up, are still relatively lifeless in the middle of the ring. Due to the engagement between Teo and Price leaving the ring, there’s little The Iron Heart can do except start making a count for the downed men.
Teo and Price are still duking it out, with Del Sol gaining the advantage after slamming the head of Price directly into the ring post! Meanwhile, both Holmes and eXtreme are only just beginning to stir, while Ethan can be seen continuing the count.
Both men are up to one knee now, while Price on the outside has now fought back and has whipped Teo into the barricade!
Mikey is the first to get back up, and upon seeing Price gaining the upper-hand, charges to the ropes and levels both Price and his very own partner for the night with a wild Suicide Dive!
Zach Davis: There’s no crowd here, but I’m telling you, if there was? They’d be cheering the hell out of eXtreme for that showing of courage right there.
Freddy Whoa: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Mikey is one of the biggest, baddest and best villains the WCF has had in recent memory.
Andre now finds himself alone in the middle of the ring, with eyes set directly upon the three men who are laid out at ringside. He looks over at Ethan, who can only shrug at what this match has become. Holmes returns the action, whilst showing a rare instance of patience as he awaits for the three men to get back up to their feet.
Once they do, he switches gears, now running towards the ropes and executing a Suicide Dive over the TOP rope.
Freddy Whoa: WHOA! How much air did he get on that one?
Zach Davis: Definitely not your regular suicide dive. That was ridiculous!
Freddy Whoa: But it’s definitely taken a toll on himself and his partner as he threw caution to the wind! Now all four men are down, and Ethan is once again beginning the count. You have to admit, he hasn’t been out of line not one bit during this match-up.
Zach Davis: And we’re hoping it stays that way. This match has been great thus far!
By now, all four men have recovered somewhat from the damage, and have returned to the ring. Surprisingly, they’ve returned to their correct positions, with Andre and Mikey remaining the legal men, whilst Teo and Jayson watch from the outside.
The two legal men now square up in the center of the ring, neither of them backing down an inch.
Zach Davis: This is it, we’re reaching the climax!
Freddy Whoa: Andre and Jayson would appreciate hearing you say that, Zach.
Zach Davis: Not that climax, idiot.
Andre dives and tags in Price. Mikey awaits him.. and hits a X MARKS THE SPOT as he enters the ring.
Freddy Whoa: Well, uh-
X MARKS THE SPOT to Andre too.
King nods at the kick to Andre. He then drops down as Mikey pins Price.
The bell sounds!
Zach Davis: I think this worked out as Ethan King wanted. I can't say he was unfair, he wasn't, but he's got to be happy how things turned out.
We go to commercial.
Television Title Match
Marshall Gates vs John Rabid
We return from a commercial break as a camera cranes over the empty arena, zooming in one seat five rows back from the ring. John Rabid is dressed in his ring attire, aviator shades, tights, trench coat. The Ripper has the WCF Television and World titles over each shoulder. As the camera closes in, he raises a microphone to his lips.
John Rabid: Hello, and greetings. Welcome to the Wrestling Championship Federation Network. My name is John Rabid, I am both your World and Television champion. Now apparently, according to the esteemed board of directors of this fare institution, our subscription numbers have quadrupled overnight. They’ve gone through the roof since it was announced that Slam would indeed continue on after the tragic events of last week. If you’re watching this edition on our downloadable app, available from google play for android, chances are you’re having some bandwidth issues due to the massive influx of extra traffic added to our servers. My apologies in advance if there’s the appearance of slowdown, but I’m about to fight Marshall Gates...and well...he’s something of a dinosaur. So please, forgive him.
Rabid adjusts his shades as he chews on his toothpick.
John Rabid: Now, for those of you new to our merry little world, let me bring you up to speed. Tonight is an empty arena because a former employee of this company and a former friend, Jared Holmes, kidnapped seventeen thousand people last week. An impossible magic trick that has left the world with nothing but questions that demand answers. How has he pulled off this feat? Where are the seventeen thousand now? And how will the WCF bring them back? I take it that’s why you’ve tuned in. Why there’s approximately seventy eight thousand new subscribers across the globe, in over thirty countries, watching this broadcast as we speak. The highest number in WCF history. Well, let me assure you. Those answers will be forthcoming.
The camera closes in.
John Rabid: I can make this promise, because I am no stranger to adversity. To achieving the impossible in the face of insurmountable odds. For over two hundred and forty six days now, I’ve held the Television championship belt. Longer than any competitor in combat sports history. I’ve been rubbing my belly and patting my head for forty three days and counting. Adding the World championship belt to my trophy cabinet, while defending both with a level of aplomb hitherto unreached. See, I’m the kind of Champion that can multitask without even breaking a sweat. Because I am the ace of the WCF. The Ichiban of professional wrestling. The kaiser of combat. People say, “Well, you haven’t beaten Joey Flash”, but the thing is, I don’t need to beat Joey Flash. My Television title run has eclipsed his over and over again. It’s just a formality that my World title reign will do the same. While tonight, along with the owner of this company and an erstwhile friend, I will attempt to save thousands of lives. Because these seats? Should be filled with fans, simply enjoying the show you’re about to witness. I take my job, very seriously. Kyle? Are we ready to proceed?
Kyle Steel nods.
John Rabid: Good, good. Now viewers of the world, allow me demonstrate exactly what I mean by that. Now...HIT MY MUSIC!
“Death Breath - Toxic Avenger Remix by Bring Me the Horizon plays over the loudspeakers. Without the cheers of the crowds the acoustics take on a strange echo as Rabid leaps from his seat and walks down to ringside, he removes his aviator shades and long trenchcoat and hands over the Television title and World belts to Steel, while Stanley Moser checks over Rabid’s boots. Rabid pats a reassuring hand on Kyle’s shoulder, reminding him to stay focused on the task at hand as The Ripper’s gaze falls upon Gates in the opposite corner of the ring.
Gates walks forward, offering to shake the champs hand. Rabid accepts and nods. A sly smirk on Rabid’s face; there’s respect, but also cockyness.
Marshall appears all business as the Bell reverberates across the empty auditorium as this contest begins.
Kyle Steel: Zach, Freddy, and the millions watching on television, and a special shout out to the missing 17,000 where ever they are. This match is scheduled for one fall with a TV time limit, and it is for the WCF Television Championship!Our first contestant is from San Antonio Texas, he stands at 6 feet 5 inches tall and weighs 285 pounds. This is Marshall Gates!!
And the WCF World Television Champion. He stands at 6 feet 2 inches tall and comes to us from London England. He is both the WCW World Television champion, and WCW World Heavyweight Champion. This is John Rabid!
Freddy Whoa: I wonder how the crowd would have reacted to those entrances?
Zach Davis: I think they would have a shown a lot of respect for both men. Marshall Gates is a grizzled veteran of the ring, and our fans recognize that. As far as Rabid goes. Whether they love him or hate him, he is not only their world champion, but also the World Television champion. And hey, the guy says he is going to find 17,000 missing wrestling fans, so that is surely a reason to love him.
Freddy Whoa:: You know Zach, a lot of guys would have just dropped that TV title and focus on the World Title. But not John Rabid. Rabid has continued to defend the TV title like it was the most important title in WCW.
Rabid takes the WCF World Title belt off of his shoulder and passes it to a WCF staff member at ringside who places it on the timekeepers table. Rabid hands the WCF Television Title belt to referee Stanley Moser who then walks the belt over to Marshall Gates and shows it to him close-up. Moser then raises the belt high overhead before handing the belt to the same staffer who places it on the timekeeper’s table next to the world title. Moser calls for the bell and the two men meet in the middle of the ring for a collar and elbow tie up. The tie up ends in a draw as both men retreat a few feet and shake out their muscles before heading in for another collar and elbow. Another stalemate. Both men nod in appreciation of the other as they each rub their wrist with the opposite hand.
Zach Davis:: This is exactly what I would expect from these two, smart and calculated, neither wants to make a mistake.
Freddy Whoa:: No doubt Zac, avoiding a mistake that your opponent will capitalize upon will be the key to a win tonight. And that might just be the first mistake!
Zach Davis:: Gates went in for a double leg takedown but Rabid caught him first with a knee to the skull. Gates is a big boy to going for the double leg.
Rabid follows up with the knee to the head with a series of kneedrops to the back of Gates’ head as he lay on the canvas. Rabid with a handful of hair as he pulls Gates to his feet and pounds Gates with a stiff forearm to the chest that sends him to the ropes. Gates smacks Rabid on the rebound with a forearm of his own. The forearm knocks Rabid back and Gates hits a powerful clothesline and now the champ is on the mat. Rabid rolls out of the ring and rolls his neck as he stares down Gates.
Zach Davis:: Smart move by Rabid. He didn’t like what was going on in the ring and he smartly got out of Dodge.
Freddy Whoa:: He’s wearing two of the top belts in this company for a reason. He’s smart, he’s tough, he the champ.
Rabid asks Stanley Moser for space as he slowly walks up the steel steps and enters the ring. Gates obliges without protest and takes a few steps back before Moser motions them both to get back at it. They head to the middle of the ring for yet another collar and elbow, Rabid has other plans as he offers a kick to Gates’ gut. Gates is bent over and Rabid lands a stiff DDT and the thud of head hitting canvas echoes throughout the empty Tingley Coliseum. Rabid immediately rolls Gates over and hooks the leg. Moser with a count
Zach Davis: I like the idea of going of going for the cover there. Whether you get the three count out or not, it takes something out of your opponent.
Freddy Whoa: It’s a smart move by a smart champion. But sometimes, a kickout can embolden a competitor to get their stuff together. It’s looks like this kickout had the later effect on Gates, he’s back to his feet and charging at Rabid!
Rabid can’t get out of the way of a mighty shoulder block from the big Texan. Gates puts Rabid on the canvas and drops a leg across Rabid’s chest. Before getting to his feet, Gates nails Rabid with a series of fists and elbows to the head. Once to his feet, Gates drops a knee to the head of the grounded Rabid. Gates is back up and bounces off the ropes as he sizes up Rabid for and lands a fist to the forehead. Gates grab ahold of the top rope and uses it for maximum leverage as he lands another knee drop. Taking hold of the ropes allows Gates to recover quickly and his back to feet for another rope assisted leg drop.
Zach Davis: This is smart work by Marshall Gates. He’s using the ropes to help stay fresh. He’s keeping the more agile Rabid on the canvas, he’s letting gravity do the work. This is a guy who has really studied this sport. He knows all the ins and outs.
Freddy Whoa: I disagree Zach, he doesn’t know all the ins and outs because he’s studied the sport. He knows this stuff because he has lived the sport. And he is living right now! He’s got the World Champ reeling and he hits a powerslam followed by a quick cover with a lateral press and a strong leg hook!
KYLE STEEL: 15 minutes remaining, 15 minutes!
Zach Davis: The champ ain’t going out like that. Both men are to their feet and Rabid connects with a quick running knee strike. With both men back on the canvas, Rabid locks in an Arm Trap Crossface.
Stanley Moser is quick to the mat to ask Gates if he wants to give it up. Gates wants no part of it and begins searching for the nearest rope. He’s close to the ropes but Rabid is using every bit of energy to keep Gates from turning over. Finally an exhausted Marshall Gates is able to reach the rope. Rabid doesn’t break the hold immediately. Moser gives Rabid a few taps on the shoulder before he starts the official 5-count. Moser gets to four before Rabid breaks the hold.
Zach Davis: Again, more smart wrestling by the champ, by using every second of the count. He’s to his feet now and he springs to the top rope. He flies off the top rope getting no less than 15 feet high and lands a Phoenix Splash onto a grounded Gates. Rabid with the cover
THR..FOOT ON THE ROPE!!
Freddy Whoa: Nope, Gates gets his foot on the rope and Moser stops the count at two and a half.
Rabid is again on the top rope and waits there for Gates to get to their feet. He again launches himself high in the air before landing a Shot Gun Dropkick that sends the challenger reeling. Gates is dazed leaning on the ropes and Rabid takes advantage with a slingshot suplex. Rabid does not release on impact and brings Gates back up in position for a brainbuster. Gates slips a g=finger in Rabid’s eye and Rabid drops Gates and then falls to one knee as he holds his eye in pain.
Zach Davis: Wow. You don’t see Gates use those types of tactics every day, he is a fan of fair play.
Freddy Whoa: You’re right Zach, but he is also a fan of not getting dropped his head. He’s been around long enough to know every trick in the book, even if he doesn’t always use them.
Zach Davis: Well he just used a clothesline to put Rabid flat on the mat. And again he doesn’t pick the champ up. Instead choosing to put the boots to him while grounded.
Gates continues the assault on Rabid with boot stomps and knee drops. Again Gates is clever enough to use the ropes as to not have to use as much energy getting his big body back up. Gates now mounts Rabid and delivers 9 punches and a tenth massive knuckler right to Rabid’s temple. He picks Rabid up quickly and locks in a bear hug. Gates is wrenching the bearhug and Rabid is writhing in pain. Gates turns the bearhug into a belly to belly suplex and immediately picks the champ up and whips him into the ropes and greets him a spear that looks like it easily could have caused some internal damage.
Zach Davis: Gates sees how much that hurt Rabid and pounces on him for the pin.
Freddy Whoa: I’m not sure if Rabid even knows that he just kicked out of that, or even what state he is in.
KYLE STEEL: 10 minutes remaining. 10 minutes
Zach Davis: He is in a state of confusion and that spear put him there
Freddy Whoa: I think that Gates see an opportunity here and he goes to pick Rabid up. Is Gates thinking Gates of Hell?
Zach Davis: I don’t know and Rabid doesn’t care, he just rolled Gates up into a small package and Moser is counting
Freddy Whoa: Gates got the kickout, but he doesn’t look thrilled about that at all and he charges at Rabid who able to duck sending Gates face first into the ropes.
Zach Davis: Rabid hits an enziguri to the back of Gates’s head which sends him against the ropes again, again face first on the reboud Rabid rolls him up into a schoolboy rollup! Moser with the count
Freddy Whoa: Not that time, Both men are to their feet and they are exchanging punches in the middle of the ring.
KYLE STEEL: 5 minutes remaining. 5 minutes!
The two men continue to exchange punches in the middle of the ring. Rabid gets in a punch that sends Gates to one knee. From a kneeling position Gates delivers a punch to the Rabid that crumbles Rabid. Both men are one knee as they continue to exchange blow for blow. Rabid springs to his feet and
Attempts a quick dropkick. Gates dodges the dropkick and pushes Rabid’s feet to the side sending the champion awkwardly to the mat. Gates is quickly up and puts a boot on Rabid’s throat. Gates lifts his boot to grab Rabid and is met with punch to the head that sends Gates back allowing Rabid to get up. Rabid takes a huge bounce off the ropes and delivers kick to the gut.
Freddy Whoa: This is it Zach, he setting him up for the Kingdom Destroyer! Here it goes!
Zach Davis: No, Gates reversed it into a back body drop. Now he’s got Rabid up and he kicks him in the gut. Freddy, I think Gates is setting Rabid up for the..
Zach Davis: Gates of Hell! But no Rabid reverses that with a back body drop. Rabid quickly picks up Gates for Rabid’s version of a Deadlift Gutwrench Sitout Powerbomb, he calls it the Brexit Bomb!
Freddy Whoa: The Brexit Bomb usually leads to the Kingdom Destroyer and right on cue, there it is. Rabid with the cover, Moser with the count.
Freddy Whoa: And the longest Television title reign in WCF history just got longer! John Rabid is Africa hot right and nobody it seems can cool him down!
Omega Title Match
Kyle Kemp vs Sidney J. Warwick
Kyle Steel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the WCF O . . .
Before our beloved ring announcer can finish his sentence, "Both Hands" by Ani DiFranco interrupts him, and Sidney J. Warwick appears atop the entrance ramp.
Zach Davis: Sidney Warwick is scheduled to defend his Omega Championship here tonight against Kyle Kemp, but apparently he's decided to jump the gun a little bit.
Warwick walks towards the ring and looks out to where the crowd ought to be, as though he was preparing to respond to their usual jeers. As soon as he remembers that nobody is there, he shrugs and continues his walk towards the ring. Upon entering, he pats Kyle Steel on the shoulder.
Sidney J. Warwick: Hit the bricks, Zachary. I've got things from here.
Steel rolls his eyes at being mistaken for Zach Davis but does hand the microphone over to the Omega Champion.
Sidney J. Warwick: As you all know . . .
Realizing that what he just said sounds a little bit silly, Warwick rephrases his sentence.
Sidney J. Warwick: As all of you watching at home on television know, I was scheduled to put this championship belt on the line this evening against Kyle Kemp, a game young man who earned his title shot over a month ago at Slam 400, before I defeated this company's entire roster to win WAR XVI and before I bailed out John Rabid to help him beat off the latest UCI invasion at Helloween. Tonight was the night that we were going to give Mr. Kemp what was coming to him, a shot at the big prize, and, on my way to the arena this evening, I fully intended for that matchup to happen.
Freddy Whoa: Is he trying to tell us that Kemp is going to get passed over for his Omega Title match yet again?
Zach Davis: Don't get me wrong, Kyle Kemp is pretty much the biggest prick on the roster, but he earned the number one contendership fair and square, and I'm almost starting to feel bad for him here.
Sidney J. Warwick: I fully expected for the matchup to happen until I had a meeting backstage tonight with representatives of a new company that was considering sponsoring me headed into my World Championship match at ONE. Of course, I'm talking about Ancestry.com.
Freddy Whoa: Ancestry.com?
Zach Davis: Of course, it makes perfect sense! Professional wrestling fans love doing genealogical research.
Sidney J. Warwick: Unfortunately, as soon as the Ancestry.com executives got wind of the fact that 17,000 of this promotion's fans were apparently kidnapped at last week's show, they bailed out before we could even have that much of a conversation. The fact that they were here, though, got me thinking about the sort of people that we have wrestling here in the WCF, and, more importantly, the sort of people who we have comprising our roster of champions.
Freddy Whoa: What "sort of people" is he referring to?
Zach Davis: No idea. Given that pretty much everybody who's been on the company payroll for more than a week is some sort of champion right now, there are a lot of directions that he could take this one in.
Sidney J. Warwick: You've got your dual World Champion Television Champion, John Rabid . . . a white male.
Freddy Whoa: That checks out.
Sidney J. Warwick: You've got your Hardcore Champion, Ethan King . . . a white male.
Zach Davis: Very observant.
Sidney J. Warwick: You've got your People's Champion, Gravedigger, who, despite the MS-13 connections, is . . . a white male.
Freddy Whoa: I think we get the point.
Sidney J. Warwick: And let's not forget about the Internet Champion, Steven Singh. You might initially be fooled because his last name originates from the Sanskrit word for "lion," but he remains . . . a white male.
Zach Davis: Is Sidney really supposed to be labeling people like this? Shouldn't he allow them to define themselves however they like?
Sidney J. Warwick: Then I looked in the mirror and realized that I, too, your WCF Omega Champion am . . . a white male. And, though I am rather partial to the idea of yours truly holding championships, I realized that, after ONE, I, much like John Rabid is currently, will be a dual champion. I will hold both the Omega Championship and the World Championship, and the stranglehold of the Caucasian patriarchy on this company's belts will only be perpetuated. I can't have that, though. As was said on a bumper sticker that I read one time which purported to be quoting Mahatma Ghandi, we need to be the change that we wish to see in the world! That's why I've come here this evening to create an opportunity for a professional wrestler who represents an historically oppressed group. That opportunity just might make this person the new Omega Champion!
Freddy Whoa: I don't think that he gets to "create an opportunity" for anybody here. Kyle Kemp is supposed to receive an Omega Title shot, and he's been passed over for it long enough.
Zach Davis: Exactly. Can we just get to the scheduled match?
"Come Together" by Gary Clark Jr. starts playing and Adam Young walks out.
Freddy Whoa: Oh come on...
Adam is carrying a thirty foot chain with dog collars on both ends and is smiling. Adam stops halfway to the ring and the rest of the Black Skulls jump the rails and surround the ring now. Preston Peabody III takes the chain from Adam who then carefully takes his sport coat off and then his custom made dress shirt. Adam returns to walking towards the ring. He reaches the ring and calls for the mic.
Adam Young: Forget all that shit. Prove me wrong Sidney, don't be a pussy and face me for that Omega championship in a Dog Pound match at the first SLAM after Thanksgiving. You want to show the world you'll do anything to win put up or puss up bitch.
Preston throws the chain into the ring.
Adam Young: Sidney you have one week to say yes or you'll never make it to One to face Rabid for the World title. Darkness looms on your every move.
The lights go out and when they come back on Sidney is standing in the middle of the ring over what is now a spray painted skull on the middle of the ring and no sign of the chain.
Sidney J. Warwick: Just another example of white male privilege. Anyone back there could have attempted to interrupt and challenge me - but who actually got to do it? A white male.
Suddenly, "Better than You" by Sam Adams begins echoing throughout the nearly empty arena, and Kyle Kemp makes his entrance.
Zach Davis: It looks like Kyle Kemp just had the exact same thought that we did, Freddy! Let's get this match on the road!
Freddy Whoa: I guess you could say that Kempness is ready to pick up!
Zach Davis: . . . Kempness?
Freddy Whoa: You know, like "business is ready to pick up," but it's specific to Kyle Kemp.
The number one contender to the coveted championship slides into the ring under the bottom rope and goes nose-to-nose with Warwick, ripping the microphone out of his hands.
Kyle Kemp: I've had enough of this obnoxious, pseudo-intellectual drivel. I want the title shot that I've been promised ever since we were in Tokyo. Let's get this started!
Asif Oncue, the WCF's new Pakistani-American referee who always seems to be in the right place at the right time, enters the squared circle and prepares to signal for the bell to ring, but, before he can do so, Warwick grabs his arms and holds them back. He also retrieves the microphone from the number one contender.
Sidney J. Warwick: Wait a second, Asif! Mr. Kemp, I think you're going to want to hear me out on this. You see, the oppressed wrestler who I want to give this opportunity to . . . is you.
Freddy Whoa: Whoa?
Zach Davis: This makes no sense. Kyle Kemp is a rich kid from Chicago who grew up with every advantage possible and has been a star athlete practically since he walked out of his mother's womb.
Freddy Whoa: Walked out of his mother's womb? I don't think you know how female anatomy works.
Zach Davis: It's true!
Sidney J. Warwick: You see, Kyle, when I was meeting with Ancestry.com about their potential sponsorship, they gave me this.
Warwick reaches into the back of his trunks and pulls out a manila envelope that has been hiding there.
Sidney J. Warwick: This envelope, Kyle, contains a summary of the heritage of every wrestler on the WCF roster, which Ancestry had given to me with the intention that we could use it to market their services on our programming. Most of the summaries were fairly unsurprising. Agimat's family was 100% Tagalog until about the 1520s when some Spaniards "colonized" his female ancestors; Adam Young has strong Norwegian roots, hence the love of death metal; and William the Behemoth's ancestors apparently changed their nationality to match that of whomever they were trying to suck up to at the time. There was something that stood out about you, though, Kyle . . .
Zach Davis: What, that he's whiter than the paper those reports are printed on?
Freddy Whoa: Good one, Zach.
Sidney J. Warwick: It turns out that you, Kyle Kemp, are one-sixteenth Ojibwe!
Freddy Whoa: Ojib-what?
Sidney J. Warwick: Yes, Ojibwe!
Kyle Kemp squints incredulously.
Sidney J. Warwick: You know, Ojibwe! The second largest group of indigenous peoples in all of Canada! And, in order to do my part to compensate you for some of the wrongs that my forefathers committed against your forefathers . . . wait . . . foremothers? Foreparents? Forepersons? You know what, nevermind, I'll google preferred replacements for those cisnormative words later on. ANYWAY, in order to do my part to compensate you for some of the wrongs that my ancestors committed against your ancestors, I am here to give you an opportunity to become the WCF Omega Champion!
Kyle Kemp: What the hell are you even talking about? I've had an opportunity to become the WCF Omega Champion for over a month, and you had absolutely nothing to do with it. I pinned Trey Carter to earn this title match!
Sidney J. Warwick: Man, Trey Carter, that name is a blast from the past . . . anyway, Kyle, you're not understanding what I'm saying.
The Omega Champion drops to his hands and knees in front of the number one contender.
Sidney J. Warwick: I'm here to give you an opportunity to become the WCF Omega Champion.
Kyle Kemp: What?
Sidney J. Warwick: I'm giving you an opportunity to TAKE the WCF Omega Title.
Kyle Kemp: ……….
Sidney J. Warwick: Do I have to spell this out for you, Kyle? I'm here, in front of you, on my knees! Take the title!
Zach Davis: I'm beginning to think that Warwick may have gone off the deep end. There have been a lot of unusual things going on here recently, and this is just continuing the pattern.
Sidney J. Warwick: Take it, Kyle! KICK ME! KICK ME IN THE FACE, KYLE!
Freddy Whoa: This is getting a bit disturbing.
Sidney J. Warwick: KICK ME, DAMMIT! DO IT FOR THE OJIBWE!
Kyle Kemp looks confused by this entire situation.
Sidney J. Warwick: DO IT! ERASE MY WHITE GUILT, KYLE! ERASE MY WHITE GUILT WITH YOUR BIG, BEAUTIFUL WRESTLING BOOT EMBEDDING ITSELF IN MY CRANIUM!
Though still not entirely sure what to make of what is unfolding in front of him, Kemp shakes his head, runs the ropes, and connects with a massive punt kick to the face of the kneeling Warwick, which rocks the Omega Champion and sends him tumbling backwards on to his shoulders.
Zach Davis: BACK TO THE MINORS!
Not even bothering to drop down in to the pin, Kyle Kemp places a single foot on the chest of the prone Sidney J. Warwick. Referee Asif Oncue begins the count.
Kyle Steel: Here is your winner, and the NEW WCF Omega Champion . . . . KYLE KEMP!
Zach Davis: I guess that this is an official title change, but it ranks among the most unusual ones that I've ever seen.
Freddy Whoa: I have no idea what in the world is going on in the head of Sidney J. Warwick, but the one thing that I do know is that Kyle Kemp is going to be an incredibly formidable Omega Champion.
Asif Oncue raises Kyle Kemp's hand and then is handed the Omega Title belt, which he straps around the new champion's waist. Kemp would normally mug for the crowd at this point, but, realizing that there is none, he plays to the camera for a bit before walking off. Sidney Warwick continues to lay flat on his back in the middle of the ring, breathing heavily from the adrenaline that is coursing through his body after having taken a boot to the face at point blank range. He continues to pant there for several seconds before reaching out and placing his hands on the microphone that he had been holding before the title change. Still laying on his back, Warwick brings the mic to his mouth.
Sidney J. Warwick: That . . . felt . . . so . . . good . . . uhhhhhhhhh.
Internet/People's Title Match
Winner Takes All
William the Behemoth vs Stephen Singh vs Gravedigger
The lights in the arena dimmer as a spotlight is pointed towards the entrance ramp. The Republic of Irelands National anthem plays and William walks over to the spotlight. After listening to what he believes is the UK's national anthem he walks down to the ring.
The gruff voice from the 80s sample announces "Cold getting dumb..." as the former VeryBigTron flashes the word "STEPHEN SINGH" in a shimmering gold before being replaced by a gray-tinted montage of Stephen Singh brutalizing past opponents. The menacing beat of the Supervillain Theme by Mad Villain fills the arena, golden pyros form 5 ft high fountains across the stage, and "Superstar" Stephen Singh steps out with a scowl spread across his face. He pauses for a moment at the top of the stage, looking across the empty arena.
Kyle Steel: And introducing at this time...The Excellence of Elocution....The Shakespeare of Shoot...The Sure Thing....
As the gold fountains shrink back into the stage, The Superstar begins making his way down the ramp.He finally gets to the ring stairs and stomps up them noisily, angrily before wiping his feet on the apron and stepping through the ropes.
Kyle Steel: THE SUPERSTAR STEPHEN SINGH!
The lights go out. They stay off for about 15 seconds or so before "Change" by Deftones starts playing throughout the arena. A spotlight hits the entranceway and Gravedigger emerges from the back with a pair of MS-13 bikers in tow. He throws his arms out and yells out with a look of rage on his face.
Gravedigger starts slowly walking down the ring, the air still thick with booze as the smirk is etched on his hardened face. As the trio reaches the ringside area, the two bikers walk off to one side as Gravedigger jogs up the nearby ring steps. He steps in between the top and middle rope and bounces into the ring. He walks around the ring looking out at the lack of crowd before waiting for the match to begin.
Zach Davis: Gravedigger cost William the Internet Title last week when he couldn't resist from attacking Stephen Singh - which ended up giving Singh exactly what he wanted, an Internet Championship reign to shove in Gravedigger's face.
Predictably, as the bell sounds, Singh and Gravedigger begin brawling! You can practically hear a crowd erupting in the back of your mind as if there was one really there, probably. William steps between them and shoves them both away, as he's pissed at both of them. They get back up and run at William - only for William to catch them by the throat.
Freddy Whoa: William has the former World Champions by the throat!
No!, both kicks him in the stomach and escape. Singh and Gravedigger work together long enough to Clothesline William over the top rope.
Zach Davis: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
Freddy Whoa: Are you calling William fat?
Zach Davis: He just landed near our announce table so I'll say no to that, no, no I'm not.
Singh and Gravedigger turn back to another and go back to brawling. Gravedigger gains the upper hand and forces Singh into a corner. The ref asks for a clean break and Gravedigger laughs him off, but the distraction allows Singh to grab him and spin him around, pushing him into the corner instead. Singh delivers a crisp Knife Edge Chop, sure to illicit a WHOOOO if there was anyone there to WHOOO. Singh then delivers a second chop before Gravedigger stumbles out from the corner. Singh hits a series of quick jabs before executing a Snap Suplex, floating over for the pin.
Freddy Whoa: We still have several weeks until One. Singh and Gravedigger won't be in the ring with each other every week, so you can count on Singh to make sure he weakens or injures Gravedigger here in a way that'll carry over all the way to One.
Singh grabs Gravedigger's leg and applies a Half Crab. William the Behemoth reenters the ring and runs at Gravedigger, dropping a Leg Drop on him while he's in the submission! Stephen Singh lets go of the hold and turns to William, telling him he wants to let bygones be bygones and that he'll let William win the match if they can work together to beat down Gravedigger.
Zach Davis: Oh what the hell is this!?
Freddy Whoa: Is William going to trust him?
Not particularly smart and liking the idea of a guaranted win, William picks Gravedigger up and holds him from behind as Singh begins picking his shots.
Zach Davis: Shades of Very Big Security.
Eventually Singh charges Gravedigger and Gravedigger gets the boot up, sending The Superstar reeling. Gravedigger then elbows his way out of Williams' grasp. Singh runs at Gravedigger to Clothesline him and Gravedigger ducks - nearly sending Singh into William. Singh stops short and begs off, backing up so William doesn't think he was attacking him on purpose. Gravedigger spins Singh around and kicks him in the gut, hitting a Belly to Belly Suplex! William charges Gravedigger and Gravedigger drops down, pulling the top rope down and sending the big man flying over to the outside.
Freddy Whoa: This match has become a bit of a handicapped match now, Gravedigger finds himself in a bit of a predicament. A man the size of William and a man with the skills, intelligence and cunning of the Superstar is a formidable combination.
Gravedigger turns back to Singh, stumbling to his feet, and takes him down with a Russian Legsweep. He then measures Singh, who gets up once more, on dream street...
Zach Davis: Grave Marker!
Gravedigger hits his signature move and drops down, pinning Singh.
No!, kickout by Singh.
Freddy Whoa: The stakes are high here, but a few short weeks from now at One, we'll see them compete with even higher stakes - they'll be competing for the fate of the WCF World Heavyweight Title.
Gravedigger lifts Singh up and tosses him to the ropes before lifting him up.
Zach Davis: Embalmer!
NO!, William is back in the ring and kicks Gravedigger. This allows Singh to slide behind Gravedigger, grasping him and executing a Cobra Clutch Suplex!
Freddy Whoa: DAMN! Gravedigger's head and neck driven into the mat. He's out.
William excitedly jumps onto Gravedigger, ready to win his belts.
NO!, Singh breaks it up!
Zach Davis: So much for their alliance! William should've never trusted Singh!
Singh kicks at William but William is pissed and shrugs Singh's attacks off. Singh runs at William and William gets the boot up. With Singh stunned William runs at him.
Freddy Whoa: V TRIGGER! GREETINGS FROM LONDON!
Zach Davis: Shades of our World Champion, John Rabid! Very British!
William pins Singh, hooking the leg.
No!, Gravedigger pulls him off. Gravedigger lifts William to his feet - not an easy feat - and then takes him down with a Neckbreaker before kicking him out of the ring. He then starts kicking away at Singh.
Freddy Whoa: Both Gravedigger and Stephen Singh seem like they'll stop at nothing to keep attacking one another!
Gravedigger lists Singh to his feet and back up onto his shoulders for what he was going for before ...
Zach Davis: EMBALMER!
Gravedigger drops down and pins Singh.
No!, Singh gets his foot on the ropes.
Freddy Whoa: Great ring awareness by the Superstar!, that could've been it.
Singh stumbles up and takes a wild swing at Gravedigger, who ducks it and locks him in for the Rock Bottom. Or Book End, if you're nasty.
Zach Davis: RESPECTO!
No!, Stephen Singh elbows his way out of it, not wanting to take any more punishment from the Epitome of Hardcore. Singh runs at Gravedigger and goes to Dropkick his knee but Gravedigger sidesteps that and then lifts him up for a Powerslam.
Freddy Whoa: TOLUCA SLAM!
He has Singh up - but Singh adjusts his weight as Gravedigger runs and lands behind him, shoving him face first into the turnbuckle. Gravedigger stumbles backwards and Singh drops him.
Zach Davis: COGNITIVE DISSONANCE!
Freddy Whoa: SINGH HITS IT!
Singh is too damaged from all of Gravedigger's attacks to transition into the Thief in the Night right away. He lays on the mat for a brief second before turning Gravedigger over and throwing an arm over him.
No!, kickout from Gravedigger.
Zach Davis: Both the People's and Internet Titles on the line here! It doesn't get much bigger than this!
Freddy Whoa: Not only that, but all of the pride and momentum going into One!
Singh gets to his feet and waits for Gravedigger to get up. Once he's to his feet Singh grapples him..
Zach Davis: THIEF IN THE NIGHT!
NO!, Gravedigger shoves Singh off, having it scouted. Gravedigger comes back and hits a Grave Marker!
Freddy Whoa: NO!, Singh ducks that!
Both men turn to face each other and SINGH HITS THE SMITE!
Zach Davis: SINGH HAS HIM!
Singh ducks down and pins Gravedigger, hooking the leg.
Freddy Whoa: NO! GRAVEDIGGER KICKS OUT!
If there was a crowd, they'd gasp!
Zach Davis: Unbelievable!
Freddy Whoa: Can you imagine the verbal ammunition that either Gravedigger or Stephen Singh will gain if they pin the other in this match leading up to One?
William is back in the ring now and grabs Stephen Singh from behind. He clubs him a few times before spinning him around and kneeing him in the gut, doubling him over. He then executes a Pump Handle Slam!
Zach Davis: The former two time Internet Champion doesn't care about One matches except his own, and he wants to be a THREE time Internet Champion - and add the People's Title to his accolades too!
Gravedigger has stumbled to his feet and still not quite with it, runs at William.. who catches him in a Bearhug!
Freddy Whoa: Oh my God! How many men are big enough to get Gravedigger of all people in a Bearhug!?
Stephen Singh is up and sees his opportunity - he runs at both men. However, whatever he's thinking goes awry and William captures him in the Bearhug as well!
Zach Davis: BEARHUG APPLIED ON TWO MEN AT ONCE?!
Freddy Whoa: INCONCEIVABLE!
Both Gravedigger and Singh yell out in pain.. before realizing that they're trapped together. They begin headbutting each other like two trapped, rabid animals.
Zach Davis: They.. they're too focused on killing each other to try to escape the Bearhug!
William cranks on the hold, squeezing them. They pause for a brief second, both men's faces contorting in pain, before Singh pulls a fist free to hit Gravedigger with. Gravedigger fires off another Headbutt to Singh before pulling an arm free of his own to punch the Superstar with. Eventually William shoves them both away and they hit the mat.
Freddy Whoa: William runs at Gravedigger and hits a Running Splash! He gets back up.. Running Splash to Singh!
William the Behemoth has the two former Champs right where he wants them. He kicks Gravedigger out of the ring before lifting Singh up and throwing him to the ropes.
Zach Davis: The strength of William on display as he lifts Stephen up into the air. Military Press!
Singh shifts his weight and lands behind William, avoiding the devestating power move. William turns around -
Freddy Whoa: SMITE!
No!, William sidesteps the Boma Ye.. and Singh crashes right into the referee.
Zach Davis: Ruh roh!
William grapples Singh immediately afterwards but Singh elbows away and switches behind him, hitting him with a Low Blow. William drops down and rolls out of the ring. Singh grins as he eyes Gravedigger and pulls a pair of golden knuckles out of his tights.
Freddy Whoa: Does he just keep those in there during every match, just in case of a ref bump?
Gravedigger is up...
Zach Davis: Gravedigger ducks the Midas Touch!
Freddy Whoa: SOUTH OF THE BORDER TO STEPHEN SINGH!
Gravedigger rolls out of the ring and begins digging.. no, not a grave.. digging under the ring for an object. He finds what he's looking for and pulls out a table.
Zach Davis: Really taking advantage of the lack of referee, the Epitome of Hardcore is looking to make Stephen Singh regret that Smite!
Gravedigger slides it into the ring and sets it up near a turnbuckle before shoving Singh into the corner. He lifts Singh up and climbs up with him.
Freddy Whoa: Gravedigger doesn't go high risk like this often, we know what he's thinking. He's thinking Superplex!
Gravedigger gets him up but Singh knows what he's thinking too - Singh hits a series of body jabs, stopping Gravedigger from executing the Plex. The two men end up standing on the top rope, trading blows.
Zach Davis: One of these two is going through that table!
Freddy Whoa: Punch to Singh! Punch to Gravedigger! Who is going to give out first!?
William the Behemoth is on the apron! Both Gravedigger and Singh are too focused on one another to see him coming, he's able to shove them both off.
Zach Davis: BOTH GRAVEDIGGER AND SINGH CRASH INTO THE TABLE!
Both men go through it. William climbs up to the top and "dives" off, landing on top of both men. The ref comes to and ignores the obvious table in play, making the count.
Freddy Whoa: WILLIAM THE BEHEMOTH WINS IT!
Zach Davis: WE'VE GOT A THREE TIME INTERNET CHAMPION! AND A NEW PEOPLE'S CHAMPION!
William the Behemoth stands up and gets his arm raised in the air as medics begin checking on Singh and Gravedigger.
Freddy Whoa: In most wrestling moves, you have a brief second to brace yourself before impact, but Singh and Gravedigger didn't have that - they just crashed right through, no bracing for impact.
William the Behemoth is handed both belts, which he raises high above his head.
Zach Davis: We've got one more commercial break, fans... But from what I understand, Seth and co. have some things to take care of.
Freddy Whoa: If Stephen Singh and Gravedigger hated each other before tonight, who knows how this feud willl step up after this...
Slam Closing Segment
Seth, Wade and Rabid walk out onto the arena’s sheet metal stage, we hear an eerie, rhythmic clang of their boots echoing across the empty stadium; their faces grim but still chiseled with a resolute determination, a spark of rebellion against the darkness. Rabid leads the triumvirate, Seth is to the left with Wade to the right; an arrowhead of hope. Slender as it is.
Zach Davis: This has to be the eeriest night in WCF’s history, Freddy. The Tingley Coliseum seats around eleven thousand patrons, and yet not a single seat in this grand old New Mexican stadium is occupied. Since last Sunday, seated gatherings have been banned by the FBI as the bureau undertakes the biggest manhunt in American history. Many within the press have wondered why we stood our ground tonight against an impossible enemy, the media questioned our decision to continue, they called it “reckless” and a “publicity stunt”. The world should know, Freddy, we carried on because we do not concede defeat to terrorists and madmen. We do not bow to the whims of psychopaths like Jared Holmes. I don’t know how the 6ix God made those people inside the Toyota arena disappear, but hopefully these three men will provide us with some answers, tonight!
Rabid enters the empty ring as Seth and Wade follow. Rabid is dressed in his customary charcoal and black suit. Seth is clad in his jeans and tee armour. While Wade adjusts his Panama hat, his open Tommy Bahama shirt flowing under a groundswell of gentle air, his eyes never blinking as they focus on the enormity of the task at hand.
Seth Lerch: Kyle, Stanley. Leave the arena.
Kyle steele shakes his head, He wants to stay and face down the KIng in yellow; but Seth shakes his head, Kyle and Stanley Moser leave ringside. The clatter of their feet echoing as they depart.
Seth Lerch: Zach, Freddy? Time to go.
Zach Davis: I’d like to stay until the end if that’s okay with you.
Seth Lerch: Your call.
Freddy Whoa: We’re staying, boss. We want to see this through...until the end.
John Rabid: Commendable behaviour. Gentlemen, shall we?
Wade nods as Seth raises the microphone to his lips.
Seth Lerch: Jared Holmes. We need to talk.
A camera attached to an overhead rig glides over the empty arena stands; until a slow hand clap echoes from the bleachers; the crane archs up towards row 117, seat 17 as we focus in on Jared Holmes. Jared is dressed in a pair of black slacks, converse boots, a long black overcoat and a white tee adorned with a monochrome print of Thursday Kerrigan on the front. His feet hang over a lower row as he nonchalantly leans back. The apparent God of all he surveys.
Jared Holmes: Hello, John, Seth...brother Wade.
Jared adjusts a pair of tortoiseshell glasses as he throws a Slam commemorative programme over his shoulder, as he does so, he disappears, the seat flipping upright with the sharp subtraction of weight. The camera searches the crowd for Jared before rack focusing on the ramp as he marches down, mocking the whole ritual of the occasion with a sarcastic swagger in each bouncing step.
Jared Holmes: I remember a time when this business used to mean so much to me. Now? Everything seems so small, it’s like running through a field of ants. You’re not people to me anymore, you’re statistics. Fractions. Numbers that flow like water though my fingertips.
John Rabid: Where’s Thuggin?
Jared Holmes: He’s wherever I choose him to be. Isn’t that right, Jim?
Thuggins voice echoes from the shadows. He bounds over the barrier between ring and seats as he adjusts his tie. Leathery skin pulled taut with an insane grimace, eyes on fire with a supercharged madness.
Jimophy Thuggin: The Harbinger has arisen. Where he leads, I follow.
Jared Holmes: The Galactic prophecy has arrived, John. Two years ago I stood in that very ring as Thuggin proclaimed to the world that this day would come. Now he stands with me a vindicated man. A proud, yet disappointed, man.
Jimophy Thuggin: Humanity is dying, John. Their time is drawing to a close. Do you know that this year’s One is the twelfth event of it’s kind? The final hour is approaching. The twilight of mankind arrives as the hand strikes twelve. Earth’s flame is flickering, ready to be snuffed out, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.
Jared Holmes: I could have kept you safe, John. I could have kept you and your precious family safe. But you had to be The Serpent. You had to be The betrayer. This empty arena is my gift to you, John. Think of it as the personification of our friendship. A hollow, cold world. No sign of life. No applause for the Ripper. No affirmation for the Champion. Just deafening silence. Exactly what you, and this Federation deserves. Nothing!
Jared and Thuggin are in the ring now. The Galactic Prophecy stand one side. Rabid, Wade and Seth the other.
John Rabid: I know you better than you think, Jared. Forty three days I’ve been a World Champion. Forty three days and counting. I know that number eats you up inside. I know it locks your jaw and grinds your teeth. All this power. All this talk of fractions and omnipotence. And yet, when you had it all, the belt, the power, the adulation, you still managed to throw it all away. But that’s always been your style, hasn’t it Jared? The great white fuck up. Face it, you will ALWAYS be weaker than me! Because you know, deep down inside. In your gut. In your soul. That you don’t fucking deserve to stand in this ring! You don’t deserve to win! And you never have!
Jared Holmes: NO!
The first three rows of seats around the ring crumple and fold in on themselves, solid metal twisted under a canopy of mental energy. Jared composes himself. Exhales as he lets out a gale of anger.
Jared Holmes: You don’t get it, do you?! I exist beyond the need for titles now! Beyond fruitless quests for paper Championships, created by corporate yes men to bankroll sideshows! This world. This ring. Everything is so small to me. So slow. You bleed for trinkets, John. I click my fingers, and worlds die. That’s the difference between me and you. You’re here to beg for the lives of seventeen thousand. Because you need them. Because they feed your addiction. The rush of celebrity. The high of fame. You need the seventeen thousand because a Champion like you needs his cheers. While a God like me? I have a whole universe to play in. To shape and mold into whatever image I choose. This ring is your cage, John. Yet I unlocked that door and walked free months ago. I hold the key to everything, now. Think about it, John. There’s not one cell that can imprison me. Or man that can jail me. Can you say the same?
John Rabid: You might not be able to see the bars, Jared. But they’re there. There always there. All you have to do to discover them, is to identify that weak link in your armor...and SQUEEZE.
Seth pulls a revolver from his back pocket and SHOOTS JIMOPHY THUGGIN IN THE GUT!
Zach Davis: Oh my god!
Jared’s eyes bulge as Thuggin slumps to the floor, a pool of dark teal blood oozing from the wound. Wade is in shock, not sure what to do as John calmly checks his nails and smirks at his devious handy work. Seth aims at Thuggin, pulls back on the hammer!
Seth Lerch: Bring everyone back, Jared! Return them to us, or I’ll blow Thuggin’s fucking brains out!
Wade Moor: Rabid! You never said anything about shooting, Thuggin!
John Rabid: Shut up, Wade! Shut up and stand ready!
Jared Holmes: I’ll kill you for this, Seth! I’LL KILL ALL OF YOU!
The ring posts begin to contort and twist as the metal groans under the strain of Jared’s mind. The ropes snapping!
John Rabid: Think! Look to me Jared! I SAID LOOK AT ME! Ignore the gun, and LOOK AT ME! Do you want to convince the world that you’re a God? Then be a benevolent God. Bring back the seventeen thousand. Show them mercy. If you demonstrate a reason for the world to believe in you, the world will stop, and listen. That’s what you want, isn’t it, Jared? To be heard, and understood? Thuggin? Tell him.
Thuggin coughs up a mouthful of blood before answering.
Jimophy Thuggin: The prophecy does not adhere to--
John Rabid: I SAID TELL HIM!
Jimophy Thuggin: The prophecy does tell of a quantity of mercy shown by the Harbinger. A gift, returned to humanity. So...you did study the pages, John. Never...ceasing to amaze me.
John Rabid: You always did underestimate me, Thuggin. A simple ultimatum, Jared. Bring them back! Bring back the seventeen thousand, and take Thuggin away from here. FAR away from here! Heal him. Plot and scheme. Ready yourself for the coming of the Destroyer. But know this. He will be ready for you. I guarantee it. Now hurry, Jared. Your father figure is bleeding across my mat.
Jared exhales, looks into the frail, fading eyes of Jimophy Thuggin. A beat passes before the 6ix God slowly nods.
Jared Holmes: A gift...returned to humanity? If that’s what you want, John. Then so be it. But tell your precious Destroyer this. Christian Malignaggi will weep IN HELL for his father.
The lights in the arena are plunged inexplicably into darkness. Seth and Rabid circle the ring as they hear humanity slowly, but surely, returning to it’s seats. One by one they’re occupied by the missing seventeen thousand. Men, women and children appear as a strobe effect, creating a strange, zoetropic atmosphere as the laws of physics wink in and out of existence.
Seth Lerch: Rabid! Where’s, Wade?
John Rabid: Wade? WADE!
Wade has disappeared, along with Jared and Thuggin as the lights in the auditorium return. Jared’s disembodied voice whispering over the chaos
“The World is mine. The 1he wav3 begins anew.”
Seth and Rabid are surrounded by an arena full of JARED HOLMES ACOLYTES; a whole army dedicated to their 6ix God. Outside the arena, the spill over run riot through the stadium’s empty car park, a flood of six thousand insane voices screaming as one as they charge headlong into a police roadblock. With only one name on their lips.
Crowd: SIX GOD! SIX GOD! SIX GOD! SIX GOD!
Police Captain: Ready your weapons…
Crowd: SIX GOD! SIX GOD! SIX GOD! SIX GOD!
Police Captain: ...and may God have mercy on their souls...
Crowd: SIX GOD! SIX GOD! SIX GOD! SIX GOD!
Police Captain: ...open FIRE.
CUT TO BLACK.