Zach Davis: I didn't think I'd be saying this today.. or working at all.. but WELCOME TO SETH LERCH PRESENTS XIII, STARRING SETH LERCH! He paid me to say that.
Freddy Whoa: We've got one match tonight and it's a wild one - a huge battle royal for a shot at the Internet Championship! We have almost twenty men competing here at the WCF Arena for a shot at the Internet Championship, currently held by Dune.
Zach Davis: We've got some bizarre entrants. Seth Lerch himself is entering the fray, as well as Buddy Roman. Anyway, why wait? Let's get started!
Freddy Whoa: First out is Jay Omega!
Zach Davis: That isn't Jay Omega, Freddy. Look into his eyes. He's a maniac. A Hardcore Maniac.
Freddy Whoa: Next, here comes Alex Richards! He's no stranger to gold here in WCF and he's only recently returned, could tonight be his night?
Zach Davis: Here comes Biohazard and Tyler Walker! Biohazard is holding up a sign saying that he wins and carrying it to the ring. Spoiler alert, Biohazard! Walker is randomly insulting the other dudes in the audience and calling them names I won't repeat.
Freddy Whoa: And now we've got Jayson Price heading to the ring! King Internet himself! He didn't even want to be in this match, but due to his participation on social media, Seth made it mandatory.
Zach Davis: Which was dumb, because Seth is going to be here too. And here comes Scarecrow! The People's Champ himself, gunning for another Title shot.
Freddy Whoa: Apocalypse up next. This is going to be a man to look out for in a battle royal, that's for sure.
Zach Davis: Here comes Kevin. Anndd he just called me a nerd. Great.
Freddy Whoa: AND NOW THE FACE OF TREACHERY! LOGAN IS IN THE HOUSE!
Zach Davis: Jackson "Fenix" White is out next, and he looks all business here tonight. Like many of these other men, he has the Trilogy Cup Tournament starting soon, where he'll be facing Occulo! Who has also entered the match.
Freddy Whoa: Here comes Reginald Dampshaw III, though he doesn't look particularly happy to be here, like the competition is beneath him. Not a very popular attitude to have.
Zach Davis: Adam Young is out next, and Dampshaw looks on with disdain. A match like this could certainly be right up Young's alley.
Freddy Whoa: Here comes the returning Sin Rostro Jr.! Welcome back to this fine young man.
Zach Davis: And now... THE MONSTER, OBLIVION. Another man.. if you can call him a man.. that has a distinct advantage in a battle royal environment.
Freddy Whoa: Next up is Buddy Roman. You've got to wonder why he wants to be out here, given that neither Zombie McMorris nor ICE Beckman entered the match and he doesn't have any protection.
Zach Davis: Do you hear that music? LIVEWIRE IS HERE! The crowd is chanting "WELCOME BACK!"
Freddy Whoa: And last.. and least... Here comes our owner, Seth Lerch. And he's got a forty in his hand. Coming out last almost certainly because he doesn't want to get attacked by the myriad of enemies he has.
Zach Davis: WAIT! NO! He's attacked from behind by Joey Flash!
Freddy Whoa: All hell has broken loose in the ring. The bell hasn't rung since Seth and Flash haven't gotten into the ring yet but everyone's brawling! This is madness!
Zach Davis: Before Flash can do any serious damage, security is on him. Seth is yelling to have the Television Champion removed from the building!
Freddy Whoa: So much at his chance at another belt! As Flash is removed, Seth picks his forty back up and slides into the ring.
Zach Davis: THERE'S THE BELL! THE MATCH IS ON!
Freddy Whoa: Instantly Jayson Price goes on the attack, heading for Seth! But he's cut off by Adam Young.
Zach Davis: Before Price can get to Seth, Young grabs Price from behind and throws him right over the top!
Freddy Whoa: NO!, Price holds onto the ropes and lands on the apron. Young runs at Price but Price Springboards and Dropkicks him!
Zach Davis: Elsewhere in this match, we've got Jay Omega - excuse me, the Hardcore Maniac - battling Scarecrow. Buddy Roman has allied with Biohazard and Tyler Walker of all people and the two of them are beating down Sin Rostro Jr. We've got Occulo and White brawling too!
Freddy Whoa: Logan and Kevin are fighting.. and uh oh, look at this face off. Apocalypse and Oblivion!
Zach Davis: Both of the big men stare each other down.. Monster versus Monster. Here we go!
Freddy Whoa: Back and forth, huge fists flying! BOOM, Massive Clothesline from Oblivion!
Zach Davis: NO!, Apocalypse ducks it, GERMAN SUPLEX! APOCALYPSE JUST GERMAN SUPLEXED OBLIVION!
Freddy Whoa: Reginald Dampshaw III from behind, dumping Apocalypse out!
Zach Davis: Nope, Apocalypse is able to land on the apron. Close. Dampshaw runs at him but Apoc smashes him in the face and climbs back in.
Freddy Whoa: Sin Rostro Jr. and Livewire have tied up now. SJR has Livewire by the head.. He's got himself on the turnbuckle.. Tornado DDT!
Zach Davis: A guy like Sin Rostro Jr. is a bit of a disadvantage here due to his risky offense, but it paid off that time!
Freddy Whoa: Kevin has apparently made peace with BioWalker, because he's now protecting Buddy Roman as well. Anytime anyone gets within a few feet of Roman, the trio is fighting them off! I wonder how much he's paying them.
Zach Davis: He's just a proud father, Freddy.
Freddy Whoa: Likewise, Adam Young has stopped Price from attacking Seth.. until now! Price gets up from a Sleeperhold from Young, elbowing his way out of it and hitting a Snap DDT!
Zach Davis: Jayson Price dives at Seth, who looks horrified!
Freddy Whoa: Nope! Cut off by Logan! Logan hits Price with a huge European Uppercut.
Zach Davis: Have Logan and Seth aligned? Again?
Freddy Whoa: Nope! Logan goes to throw Seth out!
Zach Davis: And double nope! Seth hits a mule kick, doubling Logan over and taking out the Jumbo Hotdog of Treachery.
Freddy Whoa: And Logan is thrown over the top by Oblivion! Oblivion out of nowhere!
Zach Davis: And Oblivion is Dropkicked by Sin Rostro Jr! There he goes too! He and Logan will be looking forward to Sunday night.
Freddy Whoa: Young is back up and he's once again protecting Seth. And, hey, where'd Jay Omega go? Was he eliminated?
Zach Davis: Nope, he left the ring by rolling under the bottom rope.. and he's back in with a kendo stick! Swing towards Scarecrow, and he connects!
Freddy Whoa: Scarecrow is sent sprawling. He's up, and the Hardcore Maniac takes him back down with a White Russian Legsweep!
Zach Davis: I like this side of Jay Omega. Boom! Swing to Alex Richards. Swing to Apocalypse. Swing to Fenix. And a kendo stick shot to Occulo's head!
Freddy Whoa: The Hardcore Maniac raises the kendo stick high in the air to a pop from the crowd. BOOM, no, Bulldog from Dampshaw III!
Zach Davis: Dampshaw gets back to his feet and pulls Omega in. Powerbomb position. Could he be going for his Running variant?
Freddy Whoa: Running Powerbomb right over the top rope!
Zach Davis: No!, Omega grabs the ropes and uses his legs to pull Dampshaw out! Reginald Dampshaw III eliminated!
Freddy Whoa: The Hardcore Maniac is up and uh oh.. Scarecrow has his kendo stick!
Zach Davis: BAM! KENDO STICK SHOT TO OMEGA!
Freddy Whoa: Omega's back up and he's against the ropes... one more swing and he's gone!
Zach Davis: NO! OMEGA DUCKS IT AND THROWS SCARECROW OVER!
Freddy Whoa: No!, Scarecrow lands on the apron and quickly slides back in, underneath the bottom rope and between Omega's legs. Omega turns and BAM! SUPERKICK FROM SCARECROW!
Zach Davis: Into the waiting arms of Livewire, who throws Omega over the top! There he goes!
Freddy Whoa: Alex Richards Clotheslines Livewire from behind and dumps him over, there goes Grayson Pierce too!
Zach Davis: Buddy Roman is still hiding behind his three man team, and Seth is sticking with Adam Young. We've got Occulo and Fenix brawling, Occulo has Fenix in the corner and he's stomping away. Apocalypse has Sin Rostro Jr. in the other corner and Apocalypse is kicking at him too.
Freddy Whoa: Seth seems to have lost sight of Jayson Price, and so have I. Where'd he go?
Zach Davis: He must've left the ring but.. he's on the floor behind Seth and he has no idea! Price slides in, Young turns to him-
Freddy Whoa: BOOM! DOWNFALL TO ADAM YOUNG!
Zach Davis: No, Young is back up, what fighting spirit! He's woozy, but he's up! He runs at Price!
Freddy Whoa: Annndd he's thrown over the top. SETH HAS NO ONE TO PROTECT HIM NOW!
Zach Davis: Jayson Price stares daggers into Seth for a few brief moments before running at him, and you're right, there's nothing between Seth and Jayson Price!
Freddy Whoa: SETH JUMPS RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE! He eliminates himself instead of fighting Price!
Zach Davis: The crowd boos, but there's nothing they can do about it. Price curses before turning around-
Freddy Whoa: BIG BOOT FROM APOCALYPSE! Price flies over the top!
Zach Davis: Seth has quickly run away before Price can get to him. We're down to ten men now.
Freddy Whoa: Make that nine, because the Roman Family has finally decided to go on the attack. Biohazard, Tyler Walker and Kevin just attacked Sin Rostro Jr.!
Zach Davis: They Clotheslined him from behind and now they're stomping away. Three on one? Come on!
Freddy Whoa: They pick SRJ up and hold him.. boom, PIMP SLAP FROM BUDDY ROMAN! BUDDY ROMAN JUST USED STEVE ORBIT'S MOVE!
Zach Davis: That Pimp Slap just sent Sin Rostro Jr. flying over the top!
Freddy Whoa: Wait, did we miss an entrant? Music is playing-
Zach Davis: "I CAN'T STOP-OP-OP-OP-OP!" STEVE ORBIT!
Freddy Whoa: But where is he!?
Zach Davis: Buddy Roman is looking towards the entryway with tears in his eyes, waiting for his beloved son, but he's nowhere to be found!
Freddy Whoa: BIOWALKER ELIMINATED VIA DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE FROM ALEX RICHARDS!
Zach Davis: KEVIN ELIMINATED VIA KENDO STICK SHOT BY SCARECROW!
Freddy Whoa: We're down to six men!
Zach Davis: Alex Richards, Scarecrow, Apocalypse, Jackson White, Occulo, and.. Buddy Roman of all people.
Freddy Whoa: Poor Buddy Roman, whom was seemingly tricked by someone calling for Steve Orbit's music. And who no longer has any protection.
Zach Davis: No protection? That's how he became a Father in the first place!
Freddy Whoa: Roman ducks a Clothesline from Jackson White!
Zach Davis: Ducks a jab from Occulo!
Freddy Whoa: BOOM, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE FROM APOCALYPSE, TAKING BOTH OCCULO AND JACKSON WHITE OUT OF THE MATCH!
Zach Davis: The crowd gasps!, no one expected that! Jackson White and Occulo are gone!
Freddy Whoa: That said, they've still got the Trilogy Cup Tournament coming up.
Zach Davis: Apocalypse turns... AND BUDDY ROMAN DUMPS HIM OVER THE TOP!?
Freddy Whoa: Nope. Buddy hurt his back trying to throw Apocalypse over. Ruh roh.
Zach Davis: Running high knee from Scarecrow!, Apoc leans against the ropes.
Freddy Whoa: Richards runs at him and Clotheslines him - NO!, Back Bodydrop to Richards!, over the top!
Zach Davis: RICHARDS LANDS ON THE APRON!
Freddy Whoa: Apocalypse runs at him - boom, Richards ducks down and pulls the ropes with him, letting Apocalypse fly right over the top!
Zach Davis: Final Three. Alex Richards, Scarecrow.... and Buddy Roman.
Freddy Whoa: Richards gets back into the ring and Buddy Roman is in the corner. He's yelling that he wants to see Richards and Scarecrow go at it!
Zach Davis: Richards looks and Scarecrow. Scarecrow looks at Richards. They nod at one another. IT'S ON!
Freddy Whoa: THEY TURN AND BOTH PUNCH BUDDY ROMAN!
Zach Davis: Roman is sent flying over the top!
Freddy Whoa: FINAL TWO! RICHARDS VERSUS SCARECROW!
Zach Davis: They stare at each other again now that Roman is gone and pace around each other. Battle royals are chaotic, but when you get down to the final two.. this is tense.
Freddy Whoa: The two men tie up. Richards fires off a few heavy kicks to Scarecrow's legs before backing into the ropes, bouncing off of them, and hitting a Big Boot!
Zach Davis: Scarecrow hits the ropes himself but doesn't go down!, he bounces off of them himself and fires off with a Lou Thesz Press!
Freddy Whoa: Scarecrow fires down with punches onto the face of Richards. Scarecrow rolls off and he's got the kendo stick from before!
Zach Davis: White Russian Legsweep from Scarecrow!
Freddy Whoa: NO!, Richards elbows his way out of it. Scarecrow drops the kendo stick and Richards runs at him.. STO!
Zach Davis: Richards backs up now and lets Scarecrow get to his feet. He grabs his throat.
Freddy Whoa: CHOKE TOSS OUT OF THE RING!
Zach Davis: No!, Scarecrow grabs the top rope on his way out and holds on! He's on the apron and Richards quickly turns once he doesn't hear the bell ring in his favor. And he runs right into an elbow from Scarecrow!
Freddy Whoa: Scarecrow has Richards hooked. He lifts him up.. SUPLEX OUT OF THE RING!
Zach Davis: NO!, Richards shifts his weight and lands on the apron. The two are battling it out!
Freddy Whoa: This feels like War, Zach. Two men that have put it all on the line to make it to the end, fighting for the prestiege of winning the first.. and hopefully only.. Seth Lerch XIII.
Zach Davis: Not only that, but the shot at Dune. They're trading stiff shots! Richards falls backwards!
Freddy Whoa: He holds on, fires off a shot to Scarecrow!.. Scarecrow falls backwards!
Zach Davis: He hangs on too! Realizing that neither man is gonna give up at this point, Richards grabs Scarecrow's head and pulls him in. Vicious knife edge chop!
Freddy Whoa: Roar from Scarecrow, he doesn't go down! Scarecrow kicks Richards in the gut, backs up.. FAMEASSER!
Zach Davis: Richards hits the mat, but you can't eliminate him there. Scarecrow kicks away at him repeatedly before lifting him up and throwing him towards the ropes.
Freddy Whoa: Richards bounces back, Clothesline attempt-
Zach Davis: OLYMPIC SLAM FROM SCARECROW!
Freddy Whoa: Richards stumbles up and he's dazed. Scarecrow tosses him over!
Zach Davis: Nope!, Richards shifts his weight and is able to drop, bringing Scarecrow down with him.. INTO THE CROSSFACE!
Freddy Whoa: THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET! They're chanting "TAP, TAP, TAP" which is dumb because that wouldn't end the match anyway!
Zach Davis: After several moments Richards releases the hold, satisfied with the damage. He waits for Scarecrow to get to his feet...
Freddy Whoa: He picks him up and he's carrying him towards the ropes. Going for the elimination!
Zach Davis: NOPE! HOT SHOT!
Freddy Whoa: As Scarecrow's jaw hits the ropes, he snaps back towards Richards -
Zach Davis: AND DROPS HIM WITH AN ACE CUTTER! MURDER OF CROWS! HE HITS IT!
Freddy Whoa: Now THAT'S fighting spirit! Richards flies across the ring and into the ropes!
Zach Davis: Scarecrow runs at him-
Freddy Whoa: T-BONE SUPLEX BY ALEX RICHARDS SENDING SCARECROW FLYING OUT OF THE RING! IT'S OVER!
Zach Davis: ALEX RICHARDS HAS DONE IT! ALEX RICHARDS VICTORIOUS AT XIII!
Freddy Whoa: Richards' music is playing as the People's Champion looks on from outside the ring, unhappy but having a newfound respect for Alex Richards.
Zach Davis: Uh oh. Master of Puppets. Here comes Seth!
Freddy Whoa: Seth quickly heads to the ring, ruining Richards' moment. Seth grabs a microphone.
Seth Lerch: Well, well. What a show, Alex Richards. Congratulations. You've earned a future Internet Title match with Dune.
Seth Lerch: ...Is what I WOULD be saying, if it wasn't for the fact that the interference by Joey Flash rendered this entire match invalid. You see, Alex-
Zach Davis: Seth is tapped on the back. He turns around.
Freddy Whoa: COREY BLACK IS IN THE RING! HE LIFTS SETH UP-
Zach Davis: BURNING HAMMER! BURNING HAMMER TO SETH!
Freddy Whoa: Corey Black takes XIII back!
Zach Davis: Corey grabs Richards' hand and raises it high in the air, huge reaction from the crowd!
Freddy Whoa: WAIT. SCARECROW IS IN THE RING NOW.
Zach Davis: And he's shaking Richards' hand! Lots of respect there, wow, and the crowd is loving it.
Freddy Whoa: Corey raises Scarecrow's arm now too, and XIII is at an end, friends.
Zach Davis: Alex Richards versus Dune... can't wait.
Freddy Whoa: Corey raising both Scarecrow and Richards' arms now.. Goodnight.
Zach Davis: Wait! The Jumbotron flashes to life. That's Jayson Price!
Jayson Price: Seth Lerch just gave you an excellent XIII. Give the man a hand.
Freddy Whoa: Crowd.. not clapping.
Jayson Price: But next month, I'm going to give you the XIII you deserve.
Zach Davis: The jumbotron flashes again!
Friday March 13th, 2015
Jayson Price Presents: XIII
Freddy Whoa: ...The jumbotron flickers off.